If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: - Romance - Nairaland
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12 Signs You Have Commitment Phobia And How To Fix it / What No-one Ever Tells Us Is That Relationships Are Hard Work / My Boyfriend Tells Me Of His Past Girlfriends (2) (3) (4)
| If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by topup: 4:10am On Aug 22, 2008 |
SLAP THEM IN THE FACE! For a long time, we have accepted this lame ass excuse from men and women. But you know what's the worst thing? It gets you feeling sorry for the person, as if they truly have a problem and then that's when you're introduced to the new girlfriend/boyfriend or even worse to his spouse who he has been happily married to for the past year whilst you kept the 'could have been a wonderful husband/wife if not for his/her deep issues' image of your ex in your heart!!! Now, there are very few people in the world who have genuine commitment problems stemming from psychological problems. There are VERY few people who can not physically stay with one person, as for 99.9% of the rest of the people, they just use this as an excuse. Most of the people in the world get married at some point in their lives, whether they divorce later is a separate matter. The truth is not that your guy/girl is afraid to say I do to anybody, he/she is just afraid to say it to [size=20pt]YOU[/size][size=18pt]YOU[/size][size=14pt]YOU[/size]YOUIt echoes!! I hate to say it dear, but you just haven't captivated their hearts, they may tell you sweet nothings and say, all the 'if onlys' in the world, but the truth lies that you are with someone who just doesn't see themselves having a future with you. I know it sucks to hear, but I am SO glad I heard it. Yes, back to the ex, My ex. He said he didn't think he could commit, after asking him what the reason was for him becoming distant and dragging this breakup out, he finally said it and I was ready to attack anything that came out of his mouth, but as soon as he said it, I felt nothing but pity. He added a sullen look to his face, drooping down and staring at his lap. Maybe he had even convinced himself that that was the case. HA! Now looking back I realise that that was far from it, I am sure his 'phobia' was far from his mind, when he was telling me he'D like to be married with children by his thirties, or when he told me that he felt like he's known me forever or that he wanted to be with me forever. Obviously that was when he was very much in-like with me. Now, that he's over the whole relationship, he suddenly realised this HUGE phobia standing in his way. Of course his first girlfriend cheated on him, but still, that didn't stop him sayind he wanted a future together. Surely, the hurt from his first attempt at love scarred him for life? Psft! I repeat most people will get married at some point in their lives, you just need to be the one who wins them over to the idea!! Guys and girls, don't fall for it. Move on, there are a million people out there who would love to live with you for the rest of their lives, you are a blessing to at least one other person's life! Have hope, this person keeping you in limbo is not the best you can do, I don't know you and I believe it and so should you! I laugh when I look back because one of my male friends told me his girlfriend wasn't ready to take it to the next level, and he mentioned that she couldn't give a clear reason. Now, first of all I thought, she's probably scared. But then I got to thinking, and I thought scared of what!? If I thought I had found my dream guy no matter what ever stage I was in my life, I would be ready to start my future with him. I felt my friend was being made to wait whilst she kept one eye looking for a 'better' option. Now, he deserves better than that, a woman who has both her eyes  on him and only him. I told him too to give her the same ultimatum despite how he felt for her, because like I will always say, always better to start off with someone who is 100% confident in you being 'the one' than someone who goes into anything unsure or with doubts.I know that we are human and we have doubts, but I also know that humans are quite fickle, we all want to believe in the truest of love, and so when the signs of it appear, we can't help ourselves but to surrender, if you're ever left wondering if you can be with someone for the rest of your life, you're either not mature enough or you've got one eye out looking for something better, it is very unlikely that you actually have a genuine problem (committment phobia), because I am sure that as soon as that hot stuff walks in and captures your attention, the sound of wedding bells will enter your ear and it'll be a story of 'what fear'? It's sad that I had to work out for myself that the guy wasn't all that into me, I am glad I did, but it is better than live in denial and wait until he was ready and sure about me, by that time I am sure he would have been 'sure' about a lot of other girls. Lastly, don't wait for anyone, if anybody truly loves you they won't use that sorry excuse for something serious and they will tell you from the get go any problems or fears, because they wouldn't want to jeopardise what you guys might have, by telling you at such a late stage where you may go to break off the relationship. If anybody makes you wait for them, then they better be worth it, and must have come to an agreement with you what is to happen in the in between stage because the last thing you want to do is to be waiting for someone who now seizes his new freedom and jets off with his new wife to be. I apologize for the length of the post, but I hope it helped. *It took 25 minutes to write* |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by Nobody: 4:12am On Aug 22, 2008 |
Lawd, Jesus!!  Now, am convinced that I have essay phobia  |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by jgirl3: 4:23am On Aug 22, 2008 |
topup:Girl, I understand you to the TEEEEE! My problem is not that the guys say they have it. They accuse me of having commitment issues. I'm a very big supporter of slow and steady but for some reason there's nothing like that in men's dictionary. Now I don't understand why a lot of ppl use commitment as an excuse because it is one thing to have a problem and work on it but it's another to have a problem, admit to it and then do nothing about it. You've given very good advise. they are just not into you at the end of the day. They just want to set an excuse early in the relationship so when they break up they can say 'I told you so'. Bunch of cowards!  1 Like |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by topup: 4:47am On Aug 22, 2008 |
Just some more to add onto the long chain of excuses people make! |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by manchibabe: 2:43pm On Aug 22, 2008 |
@ topup i totally agree with u, one of their many reasons infact, i am also in a similar predicament, i just met this guy nd he was very quick to tell me that he was commitment phobic, what i dont know is i cant detect if he truly is or just sayin it to scare me or not get too close to him, what do u all advise |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by bigboyslim(m): 2:52pm On Aug 22, 2008 |
manchibabe: Why take chances. He has said he has commitment phobia from the onset. It might or might not be true. What you need to do is ask yourself if you are looking for commitment or if you just want a temporary relationship. If you don't want something temporary then there's no point wasting your time. Even guys that don't spell it out for you from the onset still end up bringing it up later in the relationship talk less of someone that has even told you from the onset. It would be wise for you not to get your self too deeply involved to avoid any future heartbreak. |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by manchibabe: 3:01pm On Aug 22, 2008 |
@ bigboyslim thanks for that its just that when u hang out wit d guy regularly,its hard not to be deeply involved and to be honest not cut out for temporary things, wen he said he was commitment phobic i didnt know what to say just said u wen u find d right gil ur phobic disappears, i guess i berra keep my distance then |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by iice(f): 3:08pm On Aug 22, 2008 |
Some people just use that term to cover their excuses and lies. Although there are those with that genuine problem. |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by Persona82(m): 3:32pm On Aug 22, 2008 |
Lie or not. As long as its used at the onset(or b4 then) its more or less telling you: 'This" won't get far. Its Left for you to read in-between d lines. In fact I think its polite to state such. U can give the slap then; at least it'll be a less injury than when time, resources have been spent. |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by zheroes(m): 5:30pm On Aug 24, 2008 |
Persona82:i very well agree with you, sometimes the tendency not to commit oneself is there when the other feels they can get someone better or the person doesnt completely meet your dream mate, in my opinion if someone tells me she's scared of commitment i will definitely keep such individual at arms lenght cos you re simply telling me am not good enough for you. |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by Nobody: 5:34pm On Aug 24, 2008 |
poster i enjoy reading your posts but smtimes it can be too long and boring,is there no other shorter cut to your essays?  |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by zheroes(m): 5:49pm On Aug 24, 2008 |
@ topup, |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by topup: 5:57pm On Aug 24, 2008 |
LOL mesmya, you don't have to read it all, if it intrigues you, read it, if you get bored stop, there's no pressure. I think it is really silly if you are warned from the onset that the person has commitment problems. Unless he makes it obvious he wants to work on this, by urging you to stay. Otherwise, I believe you should pack your things and get walking before you get too deep. Yes, I also agree, it seems as if they're just covering up the fact that they think you're not good enough to commit to, because sure enough, another woman or man will waltz in and swoop them away. Man, that hurts SO much! You should never wait for anybody unless they are clear about what will happen as a result and they are willing to also sacrifice some things for you. I believe if anybody wants to really make you wait, they should not have you as their backup i.e he/she should not be acting as if he's single again. They should make it clear that they are with you BUT try working on their problem at the same time, they should be very vocal throughout the relationship so you can help them. Maybe they should even take counselling. Zheroes , you'll have to convince me, which list? Messenger? |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by zheroes(m): 6:05pm On Aug 24, 2008 |
@ topup, yes yahoo messenger! sorry i had problems with my connection. |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by Ibime(m): 8:48pm On Aug 24, 2008 |
Ruby_Pearl: Pink essay phobia to be precise. |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by Gamine(f): 8:51pm On Aug 24, 2008 |
oh my days i cant read all that!! Topup, get a BLOG. NL really isnt the place  |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by topup: 10:21pm On Aug 24, 2008 |
Gamine: Lol, there's no pressure to read it, I thought it was pretty helpful. |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by Gamine(f): 10:25pm On Aug 24, 2008 |
Sure, there is no pressure to read it. but you put it up to be read, innit Start a Blog id be Fun |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by topup: 10:30pm On Aug 24, 2008 |
I don't think anybody would read it. |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by Gamine(f): 10:32pm On Aug 24, 2008 |
I Would. But you'd be surprised at the number who would. |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by Nobody: 10:34pm On Aug 24, 2008 |
good post topup, looks like you grew up in the short time you were with ur bf. You've said the truth . . . commitmentphobia for me is simply code for - i dont really see you as the person i'd like to spend the rest of my life with, if u insist on staying then understand that i have one eye out for someone better. Its just that simple. 1 Like |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by sayhi2ay(m): 10:43pm On Aug 24, 2008 |
@ topup what exactly is your point ma ? |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by CodeRED(f): 10:56pm On Aug 24, 2008 |
@Topup Excellent write up dear. Me likey  , Continue posting love, you dont need a blog to express yourself. Nairaland will do. I am laughing so hard here, you have no clue. |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by Nobody: 11:05pm On Aug 24, 2008 |
Why am I filled with guilt? |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by bigboyslim(m): 11:15pm On Aug 24, 2008 |
stillwater: Perhaps you are the commitment phobic type |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by deept(m): 11:18pm On Aug 24, 2008 |
@ topup if that took you 25 minutes to write, men i salute u. it took me 30 minutes to read. you make sense. |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by Nobody: 11:19pm On Aug 24, 2008 |
bigboyslim: No. |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by bigboyslim(m): 11:20pm On Aug 24, 2008 |
@ deept You people should indicate your sex now. abi how do we know what to address you as, sir or madam |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by bigboyslim(m): 11:21pm On Aug 24, 2008 |
stillwater: So, what explanation do you have for the guilty feeling |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by Nobody: 11:24pm On Aug 24, 2008 |
bigboyslim: Some excuses listed in the OP's post.  |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by Nella(f): 11:34pm On Aug 24, 2008 |
@Topup You made absolute sense, To me, the whole "commitment phobia" thing, is just an excuse, so that in d future when they mess up, they can simply say " I told you so". If someone really does care about you, then they will even hide the so called phobia, and try as much as possible to let u see how serious they are. Phobia ko Phobia ni! -- Nobi only Phobia, wetin dey phobia you? please! I don't see why I will still continue with someone who has made it straight clear to me that in the future he might toss me to one side and go his way, I mean, what other direct way is there to say something like that to a person? "You have commitment phobia, Your ex broke your heart!" -- *hiss* A whole bunch of nonsense, you ex broke your heart, wetin she use break am? hammer? Abeg!. . . |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by bigboyslim(m): 11:42pm On Aug 24, 2008 |
stillwater: Oh, okay. I thought girls never made excuses when it comes to that. Guess i was wrong. hope you've changed your ways now though. i wouldn't want you to waste my time like that. if you know there's no future for me and you, say it now or forever remain silent |
Still In Love The Long-time Boyfriend Although Engaged! / h / Wish A Nairalander Happy New Month.
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