If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: - Romance (2) - Nairaland
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| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by Nobody: 12:18am On Aug 25, 2008 |
Lmao!!! |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by topup: 12:57am On Aug 25, 2008 |
Hahaha! Topup has a blog! Hooray! Thanks Gamine. I have a blog on Livejournal, but I have friends on there, which is why I never post my inner most secrets and thoughts. But now, I've got a new one on blogger! Maybe I'll be like one of those really annoying people who post things such as; 'How to win your ex back' but then only link back to my blog  bigboyslim: You can address me as 'the artiste formally known as Topup' or her Majesty for short  Thanks to everyone, man you guys are an awesome bunch (until you start attacking me that is ). I got love for y'all!stillwater: From your reply 'No'. You probably don't suffer from commitment phobia BUT you have probably used it as an excuse at one point to break up with someone you just weren't keen on. Am I right?  |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by KarmaMod(f): 12:59am On Aug 25, 2008 |
Lol I think she meant , topup |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by Gamine(f): 12:59am On Aug 25, 2008 |
So whats the address? lemme add you to my blogroll |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by topup: 2:01am On Aug 25, 2008 |
? What's wrong with Blogger? |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by bigboyslim(m): 2:08am On Aug 25, 2008 |
topup: Blogger rocks |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by iice(f): 2:12am On Aug 25, 2008 |
I think its better when they tell you from the onset so you know what to do. After all not everyone goes into a relationship looking for happily ever after right then. |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by deept(m): 3:00am On Aug 25, 2008 |
i guess lots of peole are afraid of the ''unknown'' and the commitment thingy is like a get out of jail free card. I dont think it necessarily has to do with the other person sometimes, it could be as a result of maybe one past experience or the other. Me, i use it when i dont want to enter, cause when i enter i don commit. |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by topup: 3:52am On Aug 25, 2008 |
http://twobeautifulminds..com/ deept: So do you use it to break up with someone? Or just so that you can enjoy the benefits of being in the relationship without having to give yourself to anything. |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by iice(f): 3:59am On Aug 25, 2008 |
deept: Yeah |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by deept(m): 4:00am On Aug 25, 2008 |
personally, i wont if i dont plan to go all the way |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by topup: 8:54am On Aug 25, 2008 |
deept: You won't commit? If you don't plan on marrying the person? Gamine: http://twobeautifulminds(dot)(dot)com/ *I swear I joined 'blogger' but hey, I got a .com addy! * |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by Nobody: 9:37am On Aug 25, 2008 |
I tot we were talking of commitment phobia; how come all is see is blog, blogging, blogger, bloggist  |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by topup: 9:48am On Aug 25, 2008 |
We can continue to talk commitment  (Though I am about to head off to sleep, yes at 9.48 am)! |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by deept(m): 12:08pm On Aug 25, 2008 |
@ topup maybe wit that somewhere in mind, the commitment card i wont play, that doesnt mean it cant be broken along the way. i may be old fashioned or something, but wats the point to relationships if u plan on jumping ship along the way? |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by cold(m): 1:43pm On Aug 25, 2008 |
Tru,tru i no go lie i'm a commitment phobe.I'v dated ehmmm(i can't remember now)& they are/were rilly pretty, intelligent & good natured-u know the type,but i'v not bin able to taq the plunge.Som of my r/ships run 4 as long as 6yrs!In d end i just find myself driftin away.How does 1 solve dis problem,because i think it's more spiritual than physical. |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by DonEse125(f): 10:12pm On Aug 25, 2008 |
I'd prolly understand them,because 2 a certain extent i feel d same way.its got nothin 2 do wit nt bein confident or not trustin in d luv u both share,its simply means 1 powerful emotion:fear.i mean wen u've bn hrt-broken b4 so utterly,so completely,of course u'l b scared,of course u'l hav doubts abt any relationship u wanna go into,matter of fact it'd b stupid of u nt 2,because if u dint,u'd b putin urself in a very vulnerabl position,& wen u've xperiencd a hrtbreak so painful dat evn nw it hurts just to tink abt it,u jst dnt wanna go there anymor.i knw i hav comitment issues,real ones,& 2 be honest,luv scares da shit out of me,because i knw it has d power 2 make or break a person |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by topup: 11:27pm On Aug 25, 2008 |
Yeah, love is scary, but I think it's worse to live in fear than to just give it your all. After all, if you do give it everything you've got you can always say that you tried yor best, unlike the other person who gave up too easily. I am sassuming that you are a wonderful guy here, but to be honest, there are so many different reasons why people are afraid, some people feel that they will never find anyone good enough, so fear the idea of being in a boring relationship for the rest of their lives, others feel that they will never be good enough for the person they're with, so fear the idea of losing the person, something they can't control and they then start drifting away from the person by choice, letting them go, hence taking control of the situation before it heads down the dreaded route. To be honest, I believe many of the people left by these non-commiting people are wonderful wonderful people and all they require is love in return. I think one thing that may cause true commitment phobes to try and confront this fear, is the obvious discovery of a wonderful person. Someone who is clearly different to anyone you've ever met before. Once you meet this person, you should let them know that you are really interested in them, no one else, but you have a habit of withdrawing at some point in relationships, this is making someone aware and not having a backup excuse. You must have a genuine desire to work on your 'problem'. Once you start becoming scared, your partner should notice the signs and be willing to talk things through and help you out. If my ex had warned me, I would have done the same, but really I think it was some excuse, especially as the way it was worded was not 'I have commitment problems' it was worded as 'I can't commit to you.' so it was actually ME and not a problem, he just didn't have the guts to say so. |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by jamari: 2:10am On Aug 26, 2008 |
hmmmmmmmm, interesting topic |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by DonEse125(f): 4:01am On Aug 26, 2008 |
Hey,i'm a girl.a tomboy,but a girl nonetheless.i tink i'm making progres here.i'm nt d kind of person to let fear hold me back,i dnt want 2 be a bitter person,its just dat going thru emotions like dat changes u.4 instance,sinc it happnd i stoppd bein a hopeless romantic and became more of a realist,a cynic.i cnt surrender 2 any emotion,because doin so wld b givin up control,& 1ce u'v lost dat,u'v lost everythin.i'm in a relationship nw wit dis rily good man,who's patient & who's got me daring 2 love again,bt i'm stil bein very logical,& i just cant give in 2 d emotions & let them control me,because dere's always d chanc e that i might get heartbroken,and i cnt take that chance,because i dnt tink i cld survive it. |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by topup: 4:46am On Aug 26, 2008 |
Well, just explain to him that you care for him but you want to take things slow, so you don't get hurt. It's better than him misunderstanding it and believing that you are withdrawing from him. All the best! God Bless  |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by Nobody: 6:36am On Aug 26, 2008 |
@ Don_Ese125 out of all the words written on this topic, u are the only one i can relate with and u make absolute freakin sense! Life is an experience, and from my experiences, i have learned that LOVE IS PRAGMATIC! It can definitely work, but it has to be PRAGMATIC, LOGICAL and GENUINE for it to last forever and of-course GOD has to sanctify it! I am not a cynic , but it is true, I have gone through the blind LOVE thing, not good! What i can say for sure is that, it has definitely made me a wiser person. Still patiently waiting for that woman i will cherish for the rest of my Life, more than anything, i have to be sure i cherish her, dats pretty important! |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by topup: 7:27am On Aug 26, 2008 |
engineerd: Love can be pragmatic but it isn't always. I believe, at one point, we will all have an excuse as to why we have been hurt before and why we think that is a good reason to hold back from something in front of us. It seems to me then that engineed, you have no problem committing yourself to a relationship, as long as it fits the conditions you mentioned above. I am however discussing people who use it as an excuse, or the people who despite everything going 'right' feel that something will go wrong, and in doing so, they end up bringing that exact thing they feared. They withdraw from the person who may have been logical, genuine and pragmatic with them all because they are scared of the 'too good to be true' or 'this is it'. I believe everyone shouldn't let their pasts get in way, and that is definitely easier said than done, our church had a guest speaker two weeks ago, who had been abused, and lived in poor conditions, in which men had treated her bad and she still let her heart trust men, and she is happily married with two kids. I believe it is the grace of God that allowed her to forgive and move on, but compared to a lot of us, I would say that her reasons were the most genuine, I am grateful that I have not been raped or mistreated in that way, so why should I let a broken heart by some careless person dictate the number of great catches I let slip. I wish the best for everybody, but it does get a little boring, when people use it as a barrier. Explain it to me, yes, warn me, but don't use it as a barrier so that you can just stick it infront of me everytime we are getting close, and don't enter into countless relationships unless you are genuinely going to try and overcome the habit. 1 Like |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by DonEse125(f): 7:58am On Aug 26, 2008 |
Topup,i tink he understands,2 a certain extent wat i'v bn thru.u said somtin abt nt lettin d past affect u.i jst wnt to say that there's no damn way what u xperiencd in d past wil not affect d decisions u make in d future.it's just nt posibbl.i tink he understands why i'm the way i am,why i just cnt go with d flow of wat i feel,bt i stil get worried dat soon he'l get tired of me and ma problems. |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by Nobody: 8:09am On Aug 26, 2008 |
@Don_Ese125, i think the question u should be asking urself at this point is " Do I love him"? U have made a bold step despite ur' past, to allow urself to dare fall in love again, So why not give it a shot ? I aint No love expert, but if it feels right, seems right , then it is right! Do u feel it? if u do, dont waste time, Love sure does feel good, and i'm not talking about just Love when everything is going right, talking about Love when everything is going wrong! |
| Re: If Anyone Ever Tells Me They Have Commitment Phobia I Will: by DonEse125(f): 10:36am On Aug 26, 2008 |
I tink i do,& wen i tink abt it logically,he's d best person 4 me to fall in love wit,because he's d complete opposite of d oda persn.he's kind,gentl,carin etc. I knw dat might sound boring 2 som girls who go for d badboy/player type,bt he's just d kind of guy i nd.so he's nt a very romantic persn.so he cant write flowery love poems or sonnets to my beauty.so what?he actualy tried it 1ce bt it dint work out,& he was disapointd dat he cldnt b d man he tot i wntd him to be,bt i tlkd 2 him,i made him undastand dat i dint need al dat,dat looking in2 his eyes & knwing he loves me is enough 4 me.it may b boring to others,bt it's just rite 4 me.i dnt need al dat gra-gra love,wen u'v bn burned as badly as i have,u need a love dat's soothing,a luv dat's calm & peaceful.deep dwn inside,i tink,no scratch that,i knw i luv him,i'm jst nt ready to tel him dat yet. |
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