₦airaland Forum

Personally, I don't believe it is moral for the state to turn a blind eye to the quality of a child's upbringing, leaving him/her totally at the mercy of parents who might or might not be irresponsible, only to butt into that child's affairs when such a child turns out to be delinquent. If the state has values and morals, it owes a person a fair chance to get acquainted with those values before it has the moral right to punish a person for breaking the rules. But, if the state takes up a more controlling role in family life, we would be bordering on (if not embracing) totalitarianism, which is generally considered to be evil. So, unfortunately, we have to let parents raise their children the best way they know how; we can only pray they don't mess things up. I would suggest that parents should stand trial with their child who breaks the law, and share culpability if it cannot be established that they were not negligent in raising their child. That way, they can appreciate the gravity of their position as care-givers.

Having said that, I don't agree with your metrics for qualifying a dysfunctional family. A family works for a child if the child has food, clothing, shelter, education, health-care, LOVE, security, amongst other things; and it doesn't matter if these things are provided by one parent or two parents. A dysfunctional family (from a child's perspective) would be one where a child's well-being is compromised. Often, that is so where single parents are concerned; but not always. And often times too, a child is severely harmed by having two parents, who do not see eye to eye, under one roof. So, you cannot just assume a family is dysfunctional because there is divorce, separation, polygamy, or any other construct that isn't "father, mother, child"; social services would actually have to make house-calls to examine if the climate of the home is healthy or unhealthy for a child.

And the court does not deem it fitting to order a psyche evaluation? Smh.

dierich:
I know people will criticize me but it's not what u think. we used to spend time together which I see nothing wrong in that but this days it's not like the norm thing again. she has changed and the way she do things with me is alarming.
sometimes make an attempt to kiss me. I just ignore and do as if I don't see what she's trying to do.
it's not that I've feelings or having it in mind to do dirty with her but she's like seducing me.
don't see me as an insane guy, it's coz u don't understand

You are her UNCLE. That's the only reason why your sister is giving you unsupervised access to her daughter. She trusts you. And you would be the last fool if you ever abused that trust. It's normal for a young girl to develop a crush on a guy slightly older, easily accessible, probably within her social class. He's the one she could experiment with; especially, at an age where unfamiliar hormones have started acting up.

But you are her UNCLE. And you should be the adult here. Since you seem to have such a close relationship with her, you could have spoken to her about it when she tried to kiss you: you could have asked her what that was about (kindly, to avoid embarrassing her). And then you could have set her head straight regarding your relationship, by telling her you love her (as an uncle), you understand why she would be fascinated by you (but how ill conceived it is), and how inappropriate it is to try to kiss a relative. And you could even take it a step further by educating her about a few things, so that she doesn't become easy prey for guys around.

If she becomes aggressive and starts grabbing "stuff", you might want to tell your sister about it. So, she can pay attention to that.

You're being too kind with these options: morality vs liberalism. If you're looking at the content of the thing which you've labeled 'morality', it's got nothing at all to do with morality. This is rather a choice between:hypocrisy and honesty of expression. Which of the two is the moral choice?

A human being should be allowed to express himself as long as he does not infringe on the rights of another, in doing so.

Naezara:
[color=darkblue]Name:[/color] Ayomikunninuoluwa

[color=darkblue]Age:[/color] 20 years 4 months & a few days

[color=darkblue]Occupation:[/color] Student

[color=darkblue]Are you single, dating or married:[/color] In a complicated relationship

[color=darkblue]Those you like on Romance Section:[/color] Daeylar
ScotFree
MissWrite
MhisTahrah
edimolu
shaybebaby
lovelygurl
ReinaFarine
NightHound
pocohantas

[color=darkblue]Those you dislike on Romance section:[/color] I don't remember people who I consider irrelevant

[color=darkblue]Those you find annoying:[/color] I can't remember any

[color=darkblue]Those you can't help but read their posts(you look forward to what they have to say):[/color] All the people I like

[color=darkblue]Those you follow and wish follows you back:[/color] It doesn't matter if they do not follow me back; I admire Richard Feynman---but, even if he were still around, he wouldn't know I existed - that's how it works

[color=darkblue]Why do you follow the people you follow:[/color] Either their personality satisfied my spirit, or they followed me

[color=darkblue]NLer that has sent you the most PMs:[/color] -----------

[color=darkblue]How many PMs do you get on average in a day:[/color] --------------

[color=darkblue]Romancelander(s) that you ignore or try hard to avoid quoting:[/color] Errr........ I worship no God and fear no Devil

[color=darkblue]Which Romancelander is fake:[/color] None of my biz

[color=darkblue]Romancelander(s) you would have a one night stand with if given the chance but won't date:[/color] I'd prefer a striptease by a romanceland Salomé.

[color=darkblue]Romancelander you can date or have a crush on:[/color] ------------

[color=darkblue]Why did you choose him/her above?? (what attracted you to him/her):[/color] Because she fits into my [color=darkgreen]ANIMA[/color]

[color=darkblue]Your favorite Romancelander(s):[/color] I hate repeating myself

[color=darkblue]Your favorite mod:[/color] Errr.......

[color=darkblue]Funniest Romancelander(s):[/color] I haven't been observing

[color=darkblue]Romancelander/NLer with the best threads:[/color] Can't place my finger on any

[color=darkblue]Romancelander(s) diary you stalk:[/color] I don't stalk diaries

[color=darkblue]Romancelander(s) you used to get along with, but don't anymore. Reason(s) why?:[/color] None

[color=darkblue]Which NLer(s) do you think is smart but he/she doesn’t know:[/color] AgentOfAllah! I dare say he's the smartest nairalander. Extraordinary intelligence and impeccable OBJECTIVITY (his most valuable and appealing quality)

[color=darkblue]NLer(s) you would love to give a dirty slap to in real life:[/color] What would give me such effrontery? I don't go about slapping people

[color=darkblue]NLer(S) you keep as a friend offline or you've met in real life:[/color] -----------

[color=darkblue]NLer(S) you consider smart:[/color] AgentOfAllah
DarkRebel69
NightHound
MissWrite
MsNelly
ReinaFarine
Daeylar
shaybebaby
Mindfulness

[color=darkblue]NL member that tries too hard:[/color] I don't memorize trivial things

[color=darkblue]NLer(s) you find intriguing:[/color] Daeylar
lovelygurl
johnydon22
AgentOfAllah
hopefulLandlord
MissWrite
pocohantas
DarkRebel69

[color=darkblue]What phrases, insults, styles have you learnt from another NLer:[/color] I know my way to the altar of words

[color=darkblue]Which NLer(s) did you learn the above from:[/color] Tozara

[color=darkblue]Which other sections do you visit except romance?:[/color] Religion
Foreign Affairs
Nairaland Homepage

[color=darkblue]Who do you often disagree with on Romance Section:[/color] The Spirit of Stupidity

[color=darkblue]Romancelander that you secretly wish you can both get to know each other:[/color] MissWrite

[color=darkblue]Who do you often agree with:[/color] The God of Reason

[color=darkblue]Who do you consider sexy (opposite sex):[/color] A woman with a Helenic body and the Spirit of a Goddess

[color=darkblue]Who do you consider ugly(opposite sex):[/color] Heartless people

[color=darkblue]Who is Romance section Mr/Ms. nice guy:[/color] Dunno

[color=darkblue]Who is Romance section Mr/Ms Mean guy/girl(one who takes things too serious):[/color] Can't remember

[color=darkblue]Who is Romance section Mr/Ms. douchebag:[/color] Those BULLIES, Those ASHOLES

[color=darkblue]In what way has Romance Section impacted in your life this 2017 (Positively or Negatively):[/color] Comic relief---release atomic bombs of dopamine a day, for they keep depression and boredom away

[color=darkblue]Signature: (Any Funny Line, Statement, Lyric or motivational quote):[/color] I Am Not A Man, I Am DYNAMITE

[color=darkblue]Shoutout to:[/color] Daeylar
MissWrite
NightHound
ScotFree
ReinaFarine
shaybebaby
edimolu
MhisTahrah
lovelygurl
DarkRebel69
AgentOfAllah
pocohantas

Thanks, man.

SCAM!

Don't let yourself be rushed. Two months Take your time to assess her and make sure she's what you want. Marriage no be beans.

ubunja:
noone goes to the Club and complain the volume is too high
if its too high just leave the club. if im writing hogwash then exit the thread
why are u still reading a thread that upsets you and u clearly dont agree with.arent u better supporting threads that align to your world view?
my brother?

It's not about support - threads can easily be supported by clicking the 'like' button. And isn't that a boring and unnecessary thread when you are only preaching to the choir?

I'm not upset by the thread. People who hold a different opinion from me don't upset me; they challenge me. Especially when they can back up their opinions intellectually. Differing opinions are the basis of an argument. That's the justification to have this topic extend beyond the original post.

The club analogy doesn't apply here. It would apply to a no-reply post, because in that case you're expected to either like it or leave it instead of making it a discussion.

ubunja:
if you dont have Quality Control why bother reading my Miseducations
they are called Miseducations for a reason. they are for a select few. just ignore the thread and save us all a day of useless arguements

I don't understand......are people not allowed to air their views on this thread regarding the original post? I thought that's how Nairaland worked.

Here's an idea for the mods: there should be the option (available to users) of creating a topic to which people cannot reply. So that anyone who's arrogant enough to declare his write-up an incontrovertible treatise can use that option and count his 'likes' in peace, without dealing with the dissenting opinions that are bound to arise that could hurt his fragile ego.

pocohantas:
I didn't read the OP, I only read your post and it captured everything in few words. "Women don't appreciate nice guys, men don't appreciate good women"...but these same people are in good relationships and marriages.

It takes a nice person to value another, if a girl so fancies a bad guy, then she isn't good after all.

I couldn't agree more.

ubunja:
you get it my brother. thats why i said Nice Guys excel in everything else.
Nice Guys only lose coz what excites women is the bad thing. just like Eve left good Adam to be charmed by the cunning serpent. its the same thing playing itself over and over again.
so the Nice Guy doesnt get the girls in the their 20s when they are freshest. but gets them as Leftovers when they hit 35. they finish last.
EDIT:
they arent people-pleasers but they are WOMEN-PLEASERS. thats why they populate friendzones. they dont understand that women are not forced to reward their goodness with sex. no woman is under any obligation to open her legs for you just coz u offered to be her shoulder to cry on.

Lol! @ when they are freshest. No be meat o! For me, the beauty of a woman in her twenties is nothing but youth. It will fade quickly enough. But the beauty of a woman in her mid thirties and beyond is due to self-discipline and self-confidence. That's bound to last. I choose not to be deceived by youth; I might end up with a woman who hasn't learnt to keep herself up through good lifestyle choices. So, even if I get her at 35, that's no hardship.

I get the analogy with Eve and the serpent. It's apt, I think. But we are all seduced by the devil in one way or another. When we chase money over integrity, and foolishly compromise ourselves. In the end, we learn our lessons.

Women are still people. So when I said people-pleasers, I meant to include women as well. There is a difference between being nice and suffering low self esteem. If a nice guy wants to offer a girl a shoulder to cry on, there's nothing wrong with that if he's honestly there just to offer her comfort in her moment of distress. But where a guy has designs on a girl, and allows himself to be relegated in the background by this chick, hoping for crumbs from her table; that one is something else entirely. That's a guy who's got no value for himself.

Nice guys are created when parents instill proper values into their sons. When they teach them to value and respect people - women as well as men. When they teach them that denigrating another person does not make them taller or smarter or richer.

Nice guys aren't necessarily people pleasers. They give people respect when it is returned; and distance when it is not.

Many women may not appreciate nice guys early on in life; but eventually, when they learn to value themselves, they learn to appreciate someone who treats them right.

I don't know if I would agree with the term social "deception". If something can be adopted by culture through introduction and debate, then it only shows once again that nothing which exists is inherently good or bad, but is only perceived as good or bad depending on how we are affected by it. Because we are the center of our own universe at this moment in time, good or bad is defined by how it affects us either as individuals or as a collective race. That is how laws are made, they are humanocentric. From our perspective, the killing of a chicken, for instance, is not considered evil if it provides food for human beings.

If our perception gives quality and value to specific actions instead of the action having its own absolute and independent value, then its value cannot be permanent. And that is because human perception is fickle changes over time as the picture of the world becomes clearer to us. The aspects of conservative culture have been ratified in society by the same fickle perception which now ratifies elements of liberal culture. The reluctance to accept certain things by the conservative mind is due to his refusal to accept the broader perspectives that technological advancement allows, and not because something is inherently bad. Nothing is inherently bad.

Murder, for instance, is perceived to be bad because it threatens human life. If that were not the case, there would be no sense in banning murder, and it wouldn't be bad. Homosexuality is perceived to be a threat to the perpetuation of the human race, but it is not. And it is in proving that something does not affect us negatively (or threaten our existence) either as individuals or as a race, that the essence of discussion lies. And once proven, perception changes and ratifies actions. With tech advancement, homosexual couples have found ways to contribute to procreation. And people have recognized the hypocrisy of denying same-sex parents the opportunity to raise children, when children are being raised in homes where there's a single parent or where there is disaccord in a traditional setting - where the quality of care cannot be measured and compared explicitly. So, if we cannot say how it threatens us, how can we keep qualifying something as bad when there is no inherent value to begin with?

You're right about the stages (progression) of shock to veneration (or acceptance at least). But it isn't deception. It's just a re-evaluation of our reality through perception.

. This thread just because of that comment? What's wrong with people these days? If I said I was drop-dead gorgeous or dressed to kill, would it be fair to open a thread "man vows to commit mass murder". And then take it seriously? Seriously,

She's not malicious the only thing she's guilty of is believing she's all that when she's not. Everything na for her mind.

Actually, since we are now looking up to goats, there have been reported cases of homosexual conduct amongst goats. But just like with human beings, they're not all gay.

, and if APC hadn't had their chance to fail, we would be claiming they would have equaled the Naira to the Dollar.

ubunja:
if women could make a change to society they cud have done so millions of years ago havent the human civilization been around for aeons??
truth is they cant do sh!t
thats why thru-out history there is NOT EVEN ONE feminist society that has thrived NONE...ZERO...ZILCH....VOID... Coz they cant do anything apart from men Now they wanna raise their heads coz men have done all the work to make society a cozy place to live in MEN HAVE BUILT THE CITIES,ROADS,HOSPITALS etc without any help from women. and NOW that its all good they claim they matter
oppose them they call THE POLICE on u and the police are just MEN WITH GUNS...men still.. she will sit on a chair made by a man with a phone designed by a man in a house built by a man feeling safe her father or husband is home (both men) yet have the ovaries to scream "women can do everything a man can do . babygal u had ONE JOB, ONE JOB ONLY AND U FVCKED IT UP SO WELL
your job was to make babies but u failed.But men that ever-resourceful creature has a Plan B. the female robot in Saudi Arabia is about to be given a womb and be made pregnant that one job u royally failed to do is about to be given over to robots go google "Sophia wants a baby"
its so hillarous im peeing myself right now

, All these emojis.............if I were you, I would also have trouble saying that BS with a straight face. C'mon, man!

Op, her 'jealousy' should not be your concern anymore. People can act jealous when someone they've been close to moves on even when they themselves do not want to be with the person. It's an ego thing, not a heart thing. Given the chance to do it over, she'll probably make the same decision. Just accept that, by cutting you off, she meant to discourage your interest. There's nothing foolish about that.

Passion.