₦airaland Forum

TEYA:
Guy you funny o. N.a. so I just dey laugh alone this night.

Bros, jokes apart, l am still wondering why my dad kept packs of sachet balloons in his leather box, and why my mum never made mention of the sachet balloons till date.

There was this time l was little, safe to say l was around 7, yeah 7. Because it was few weeks after my lil sister was born.
So one afternoon, l found myself going through my dads stuffs, in a leather box, inside his wardrobe. Of all the things his room, this particular leather box was forbidden to be touched, let alone opened. A crime that time, that was punishable by the maximum capital punishment. However, l cared less for being caught and punished than for my little body and hands to stay idle. So going through the leather box in his room, l found these little brown packs, with about 10 satchets in each pack. One of the packs was already cut open, so l picked one of the thready sachets and cut one off along the serrated edges. What l found inside was too much of a mystery. I was shell shocked to contain this discovery. l screamed out to my other brothers. They responsed faster than The Flash. They were as shocked as much as startled at seeing what l had unearted; Ballons inside sachets. As if that revelation wasn't enough, when we blew them, they got bigger, bigger than the biggest balloons l had ever seen in my entire life. Instantly, l judged my parents to be wicked souls. I mean, how could they be so wicked that they kept these ballons away from us.
Should l remind you that my sister was born around the yuletide season. It was that time of the year when you would see a jacket of ballons of different sizes hung in every shop. These balloons were won by paying for a gamble by picking a no corresponding to the no of each balloons. However, there was always the largest balloon at the center, that l never saw anybody win till this particular day. So it was as confusing to me, as much as l felt a big sense of disappointment in my parents, for hiding away these sachet ballons, that were even bigger when blown that that center balloon, from us around the time we could have enjoyed using them the most for fun, and to gain street fame and cred.
So many questions also were finding thier ways from our minds to our mouths: were they designer balloons? No abroad uncle or aunt of ours had visited recently, so where did popsi get this American styled ballons from? "They could only be from America. Abi, Deji, are they from Lagos?" l asked my brother. "But since mumsi gave birth, she hasnt travelled to Lagos now?". All these were the questions we were asking.
However, I wasn't ready to wallow in deep hurt l was feeling towards my parents at that moment. Something else bigger than the Landing on the Moon was taking place right there in my dad's room. Cos on the other hand, I instantly became the T'challa of our generation. My brothers had started singing my praise as the Indiana Jones of our time for my discovery.
Without further ado, we had to declare the second coming of Indiana Jones. We had to inform the other kids on the block.
I should say at this point, that our house was already famous for some novel childhood wonders. Amongst which were; Brickgame, Game 2000( the one with the light ontop) Gameboy, family game console, kids walkie-talkie, mouth organ, the Ninja turtle school bags, the 3-in-1 food flask, etc. I mean name it, name any trendy thing in the country at that time, my myself and my brothers had it first on our street. So, l wasn't going to waste time in introducing them to the biggest, most transparent ballon they could never have seen in their entire existence, nor one they could never have imagined in thier tiny little minds. We were already the Princes of Bel-Air. This was going to make us the Micheal Jacksons of the street.
I wasted no time in jumping over the fence to call on Sam and Adeoye. Immediately they saw the glee in my eyes, they knew an alien had landed in Lekan's house, again. In the twinkle of an eye, our veranda was filled with kids, even ones from the second street. Lo and behold, the honor of introducing my friends to the 8th wonder of the world fell on me. I picked out a satchet, l tore it, and brought out an oily whitish balloon. They had not recognised their minds were about to be blown away, until l started blowing air into the balloon. It went from the size of a banana, to the size of a pawpaw. With each puff came shouts and screams of "Ahhhhhh" "Yeeaaaah" from all the kids. And it didnt stop there. I had to call my brother to help me blow more air into it. Alas, this mysterious balloon did not break. This must be a miracle. Because at the size of a 5-6L of air, even less, all balloons known to man at that time would have burst. But the Fatukasis' was around 10L volume of air and it was yet to burst. Besides, it was now completely transparent.
The Isaac Newton in me was ready to take our experiment to another level. I requested that we pour water inside. They all cheered me on. Chants of LEKAN! LEKAN!! LEKAN!!! filled the air. We started to fill this ballon with the first 15L bucket. This "abami" balloon sallowed the whole volume of water. This feat was met with louder "Ahhhhhhhhh" "Yeeeeeaaaaaah" "Jessssusssss". I mean Lekan was literally waking up the dead here. Kids can't you see?
We cautioned that we should add only about 10L more. You couldnt believe what happened. As l was pouring in the second 10L of water, l heard a quavering silence. I intially thought rapture had happened. As l turned around to look at why everybody went dumb synchorinously, even as me, the Prof Pellar was perfoming feats of magic, l saw a figure, an unmistakable figure of my mum.
Dear friends, that was the first time, and need l say the only time, in my entire life l couldnt read my mum's mind by just looking at her eyes. That was the first time l wasn't sure if l had gotten into trouble or trouble had gotten into me. Without uttering a single word, she came over and collected the inflated balloon from me, as well as the ones we had not cut, while ordering us to keep playing. I stood there dumbfounded, so also my brothers. I mean so miraculosly my mum didnt order us to immediately file into the house or disppear. My friends were confused and couldn't really smell what was happening, so each one of them started crawling back into the hole he or she came out from.
Till date, l still can't figure out what kept my mum standing there looking at us, with a blunted facie without uttering a word. Also, to our utmost shocking surprise, mum and dad never disscussed the subject till this very day.
Need l say too, that was the first and last time l would ever set my eyes on those mysterious sachet balloons, as a child or teenager. I later saw one in my adult life. However, l was no longer interested in balloons anymore. As an adult that l am now, l am still fascinated at what those little mighty whitish oily balloons could do, other than get blown to a volume of more than 20L of air.
To cap the story of the greatest wonder of my childhood off, till date, l was never questioned, moreso, spanked for such a defiant heroic adventure into my dad's forbidden leather box, where l discovered the Infinity stone.

AfflictedOne:
Good morning Nairalanders , especially doctors in the house. I have a very serious case of bad mouth odour that has persisted for a long time, at least 8years.

Sometimes I have to brush as many as three to four times a day and bad enough, it will still be there.

Occasionally, I remove some yellowish smelly stuffs from my throat and after sometimes I see them again. Also of late, I have persistent headaches even without fever, even when I wake in the morning expecting to be refreshed, the ache will still be there. I don't know if these are related.

I have seen two or three doctors and normally there give me antibiotics and recommend mouthwashes. Now it is still here an am worried and depressed.

I am in my late 20s and this has affected my life in ways space will not permit me to write. I just cannot function well anywhere because I cannot talk for fear of the odour. My social life is zero, and I am almost always alone.

Please advice me if you have or know someone who has experienced this, or you are an expert or you know something I can do to be free from this. Its so bad its the only item on my new year prayer. I don't want to spend another year in this. Thank you all in anticipation.

This is a new profile, just for anonymity. Please help an afflicted brother. Thank you.

Do u frequenly have stuffed nose? Is the "headache" worst at the front of ur head, l.mean the area around ur nose? Does the headache get worse when you bend ur head forward? If the answers to these questions are positive or somehow positive, dn ur probs is most like a chronic sinusitis until proven otherwise.
U will nid to see an ENT surgeon.
That bn said, pls try ds first before u go ahead with any oda advice in here.

P.S. Op google can help you alot. I still dont get why Nigerians are simply dont take advantage of that powerful tool.

plaetton:
I have mixed feelings about OBJ.

I admire him in many ways.
I also loathe him in many other ways.

Obasanjo is the most ungrateful leader I have seen in my life.
In most countries, OBJ would be loathed as a man with zero values and zero integrity.

Obasanjo rode to power on the back of the PDP, a party he neither formed nor contributed financially to its organization.
Yet, he became the primary beneficiary of the PDP.

He contested and won 2 consecutive presidential elections under the banner of the PDP.
He enjoyed and basked in presidential power for 8 solid years under the protective umbrella of the PDP.

In fact, like a typical African leader, he quickly got intoxicated with the trappings of presidential power, and even tried to bribe his way to a constitutional amendment that would allow him to extend his tenure beyond two terms.

To fund his ambitions, there is no doubts in everyone's mind that OBJ looted the national treasury left right and center. There are witnesses and evidence to that fact.

It is also a very well known fact that OBJ went into the presidency very poor and came out stupendously wealthy.

Talk about corruption! undecided

Like the proverbial bird that challenges his god after overfeeding, OBJ was not only the first to ditch the PDP after his tenure, but worked assiduously to defeat the PDP during the 2015 presidential elections.

OBJ knew very well in advance that Buhari was going to roll Nigeria backwards.
He knew in advance of Buhari's tribalistic and nepotistic tendencies.
He knew in advance that Buhari was a very weak , aloof and clueless excuse for a leader who had no love, no passion for the plurality of the people of Nigeria.
Yet, in his typical vindictive fashion, just to get his pound of flesh from GEJ, whom he thought had slighted him, he encouraged the enthronement and rebalkanization of Nigeria by a person who had once committed treason against Nigeria.

Today, once gain, he is trying to scuttle the dreams and aspirations of the Nigerian people who are too eager to oust the plague of Buhari and the APC.

Obasanjo is nothing but a backbiter, a Janus Face that deserves nothing but loathing and Odium from the people of Nigeria.

You just took the words outta my heart. Oloriburuku ni OBJ.

Let a child be a child. All these parents who force some adult-like activities and engagements on thier kids are just tampering with their formative stage. I had met a 6-7 yr old girl, who accused me of fascinating over her body. I wondered if a girl at that age could understand the value of her body and the fact that it appeals to the opposite sex, then l fear what would become of her in her teen or adult life .

I know say na woman go see something negative about that Iwobi sister. Wch one is Manly feature for that small cute girl body again. Ladies with their Bring-Her-Down mentality. Yeye somebody. If she share her own pics now, she fit resemble Obasanjo photocopy!

MrBigiman:
Not yet.

Wch of them are you planning to write and when?

MrBigiman:
Done and aced bro.

Nice one! Are you thru with Plab 1 too?

MrBigiman:
True man, are u done with the IELTs?

Nope bros. However, l will be writing this Jan with a very high hope that l will ace it once. What about you?

iroveracruz:
Good day my fellow colleagues in the House. I'm a Doctor at Delta state and I wish to relocate to South Africa but the problem is I don't know the process to follow. I've gotten quite a number of info online but I would appreciate if any Doctor in SA or anyone who knows what the process is like to share. Thanks in advance!

Dont do it. It is stated somewhere on their Medical Licensing Body website that they dont apprecaite doctors from other African countries.
Write Plab. Quite straight forward and cheap too. It is just 105k for Plab 1.
I was in your shoes too some few months back. I am yet to write buh alrdy prepping for it.
All the best bro

hausadreturn:
Funny enough i've heard oyibo people using ''so therefore''

You might be correct. The whites whose first language is English do make grammatical mistakes too esp Americans.
So nobody holy pass.

When people raise this kind of question, l just laugh at the people who follow them to act out the hypocrisy. Does she mean to tell us that she does not know what is good from evil? Does she mean to tell us that she does not know that nothing justifies sex outside marriage?
I am not trying to be a saint, infact l am far from that. So dear OP, you know what what you have made up your mind to do. You are just here so that we can free you of that guilt you already feel inside from the thought of having sex outside marriage.
So go bleep the man and leave us out of your misery.

As if Naija problem neva do us. This one wan add us join the battle wey she dey fight with her conscience. Damn Hypocrite!!!

timesup234:
How does this translate to a fair playing ground? America is a rigged system. The inequality in the US. is the greatest ever known to mankind. Take your time and read below:

https://www.theguardian.com/inequality/2017/sep/13/median-wealth-of-black-americans-will-fall-to-zero-by-2053-warns-new-report

First all, you did not address any point that l made. 2nd all, the piece you quoted is a subjective one-sided argument, that did not take into consideration the so many other ill factors affecting the black community as a whole, which in turn affect their wealth. I would not want to go into all that as well.
Lets address the ease at which an average Nigerian fresh graduate can make it in this country and live a comfortable life afterwards as opposed to such graduate in UK/Canada/Germany who immediately becomes a middle-class family after graduation. The OP that posted this said he was able to make $30,000 since graduating less than 10yrs ago. How many of our parents, whom have worked their whole lives, (l am not even talking about people who have just worked for 10 years) , can lay claim to such amount of money as savings?
Lets talk facts. What year did you graduate from school? What have you been able to acheive since graduation? How many of your friends with whom you graduated together are making a comfortable living for themselves? How much are you making/month or per annum? How much have you been able to save? How many family members/friends of yours have successfully done business? How many people have you seen gone into small/medium scale buisness and have made it within a space of 10years. Lets talk these facts and prolly you can convince me.

P.S. Dont take my questions as insults or an act of being rude. I just want us to argue based on relatable facts.

I started following this post yesterday and surely l can say it has been interesting. I see a lot of people taking sides, Pro and Anti Nigeria.
I was a Pro-Nigerian guy before until l started seeing the realities in this country.
Pls before you challenge me on anything, l think l can boldly say without boasting that l have seen both sides of the hustle here in Nigeria. I have lived a life seeing people making it from nothing. I am a product of sheer hardwork. However, what becomes of your hardwork?
I just feel it would be unreasonably unwise to quote the 1 in a 1,000,000 Nigerian who are making it in this country. I am not saying people are not making it in this country even as at today, my question is, what is the ratio of people who are and can genuinely make it in this country.
You see when people talk about youths and that they are just lazy, they can't do buisness, why cant they be farmers, l just laugh at such crass ignorance. Do people who are making such noise know what it takes to do buisness? How many families can afford the startup capital for business here in Nigeria. How many small/medium scale buisness do government support in Nigeria? Foolishly for this same set of people they dont know that a business plan doesnt stop at start-up funds, it requires continuos financial backup at intervals, or else the buiness would die. I know this because l have brothers who despite being graduates are gainfully self-employed. I know and see their everyday struggles. I can tell you they wouldnt have been able to survive it if not for the solid background that they have. So it would be pure wickedness if l expect every other graduates/youths to be like them.
I read a 6yr course and l can tell you that l was at home looking for job for more than a year. I have other collegues who stayed at home for more period either unemployed or not gainfully employed.
And the other guy comparing Nigeria health indices to America's indices, saying Nigeria's is better, l believe you are just trying to say something, if not, then you are simply just stupid. I mean it is either you were just trying to be sarcastic or you are simply a nitwit.
Your worth is not in the money you have stored up in your account, rather it is in the quality of things you enjoy everyday. I guess those saying living in Nigeria is better than going abroad do not know this. They are like our politicians, who would rather save up millions in dollars in pits than invest such in projects that would better the lives of common men.
Anybody who is up for a fact based argument should challenge me reasonably and l would lecture your on real hustle in Nigeria.

Chizzyjoyce:
*TeamNeverGiveUp*

Life Management Challenge!;;;

Good Morning

The thing is I used to have challenges in knowing how to live my life by myself. I always allowed people do things for me even when I really don't need interference in my life, at some point I got so depressed that life itself became useless to me. Finally I took to the ground and made a resolution at the beginning of 2017 to really live a meticulous life so as to know how to identify my own goals towards life or to know if the Devil or my village people are behind my problems. We are in December and I can say that I've been able to succeed in a way.

I want to guide people who are having these same issues or challenges of life through a 7 days life management/ problem solving programme from 11th to 18th December to start 2018 with good lifestyle

The challenge starts on 11th December, 2017. It is going to be FREE and remember challenging questions towards life are highly gonna be entertained.

A way of saying Thank You to all my friends for their support in 2017. It's gonna be on whatsapp. You can join via the link below:

*P.S I promise to kick you out of the group, If you post any advert, whether religious or non religious advert, post any joke or any business advert.*

*Do not join if you ain't interested*



https:///KlFecrGBMQk4VEd8l0daqR

I admire you courage and enthusiasm towards changing your attitude towards life and making the best of it.
However, one more resolution you would have to make is on how to converse and express yourself in grammatical-error free English. It is very important if you need highly intelligent people to take you seriously.
I wish you all the best.

MrMystrO:
Punchline in 2017?? Wake up Bro!

So? Cos it is 2017 Rap doesnt equate punchline again? Ayam not getting your contention brah!

Seriously anybody who follows Rap music would know that Vector is not just on MI's level. That said the lyrics is just bland. There is no bit of Pun, no Punch lines, no bars. You could see all he tried to do was Rhymes.
I bet Rap aiint our thing in Nigeria.
Lets just stick to our afrobeats.

I trust some Nigerians will critisize this man for this bold move. This is the kind of leadership we need in Nigeria. If this kind of measure can be taken across all the facets of economy and workforce, then maybe there is yet a glimmer of hope for this country.

ThuGnificenX:
She fell and injured her leg last year. The injury healed but afterwards the leg started decaying now it has spread to the other leg in the same position.
The doctors at the general hospital has run series of tests including diabetes which they confirmed her blood sugar is okay.
We haven't seen anything like this before.
Please can someone help with a drug that can help.
She has been on antibiotics and other drugs ever since.

Though the picture alone wont help to arrive at a diagnosis, but from the picture it looks like Psoriasis. It is an Autoimuune dx which can very well be managed. It is flaking with d slivery edges.
However, there are still some questions one needs to ask.
Take your mum to a Teaching Hospital. Not a private of State specialist ooo. She will be aiit.

frustratedrat:
i'm short-tempered. I probably inherited that trait from my dad. Due to the way my dad handled his affairs, my mum was plunged into penury. Currently living with her. The situations of the past has made her bitter. She complains about everything.


I open the pot to take my meal, she raises her voice, i come back empty-handed, she runs me down as being a leech. I lie flat without touching anything, she comes back complaining of so many things. When she starts, i find myself exchanging words with her.


I feel bad afterwards but the cycle continues once she makes me pesky again. how do i salvage this situation? Sometimes, i'm pushed to the edge that my frustration about her slander and my predicament makes me wanna hit her.

Op l understand where you are coming from, trust me. Anger management is one of the most difficult encounter that one could face. The fact that you still have some restraints shows that you know the consequnces of your actions. Dont mind people castigating you for airing your thoughts. They are the same set of people who would blame you when you bottle up your emotions and you later implode.
Now lets deal with your mum's issh. She is frustrated just as you are if not more. Frustation could make so many negative thoughts creep into ones mind. Hence, the basis for people attempting or committing suicide.
Another thing that could be exacerbating her aggression might be due to some hormonal issh. Your mum, if she is in her forties, could be going thru the Hot-flushes and emotional imbalances associated with Menopause. These coupled with mid-life crises and the failure of her marriage are every woman's nightmares, if they experience it. They would not be able to control their emotions and the things going on around them.
You are going to play a large part in the solution. Love her the more. Learn to listen to her. Interact with her. Learn to let things off your mind. Overlook insults. Spend time reading motivational books. Listen to songs.
Above all, be safe.

This is not only an African superstition. The whites also believe that the animals you have listed up there could be an omen for evil or the apperance of something evil. You could see this very well displayed in horror movies, vampire movies and evil novels that contain such bodywork.
Read a British novel quite long ago wherein the apperance of a ghost was heralded by the sighting of an owl and growling of dogs.
Superstitions abound globally.

majekdom2:
6 years too much now haba!!

I alrdy gave reasons for dt in previous post.
Was her own doing, not mine.

Jonathan:
Fück you

Bros pls can you justify this?

cococandy:
But 6 years of relationship. How long were you planning on dating her?

Thanks! My sister. nasoo dem dey ask person.
I was with her before she got into the university.
I stood by her thru all ds period. I was alrdy working and all dt.
She slowed me down actaully!
The 6 yrs was for her maturity, her family approval and all dt shit. It is a vry long story, but l av tried to highlight d few points. I had all it took to get married.
To Mr OP, fast forward to ds moment, l have seen growth in my life in a short time l had not seen in 6 yrs.

Philosophia:
Hello Romancelanders,

Please help me! I have a very serious issue on my hands. I opened this account because of this, for advice from you. It's actually a long story, but I will try to keep it short.

I have been in a relationship with my gf for 3yrs+ now. We had both not been ready for marriage at the time. She said she had things that she wanted to achieve so she would give herself 5yrs. I felt the same way too but I was looking at my age to settle down as 29 or 30. She was almost 21 at the time, I was 24 at the time.

When I met her she was a shaken, frightened, stubborn and love-starved young lady. Her parents were trying to force into marriage with a "family friend's" son whom she did not like plus she was not ready to settle down at the time. Her father is a retired military man and would use extreme measures like locking her up in a room for days. Anyways, I supported her in everyway I could at the time even at a time meeting the so-called "family friend's" son. I did not intend to get into a relationship at the time but certain things happened and I began to fall in love with her plus she needed love and care so badly. She is a very smart, motivated and beautiful young lady.

We got into a relationship and with time, the pressure as regards marrying the guy died or so I thought. From then till now, we have both been striving hard to make things get better. She was trying to run a business while I was working at a small magazine company. Unfortunately I admit, even though I was not earning much at the magazine, I was careless with my finances. I would spend on her, us and on a couple of mundane things but the bulk was on her and us.

Well, the financial crunch hit and I lost my job being owed several months in back-salary. I had very little savings. Things were not going too well with her in her business either. And so what little savings I had plus borrowed money from my parents joined with her own funds(including borrowed money), we started a business. We have been almost a year into the business now. Things are so dull. She hardly comes to the office anymore. I manage to go with little funds raised from teaching at minor places plus my parents support. We have been trying a "new" field though which seems a bit positive.

You have the back story now. Here is the problem.

Of recent, her body language and speech + whatsapp chat seemed to be dodgy, non-committal and atimes even coated with disdain. I knew something was wrong. I had wanted to talk to her and she said she wanted to discuss something with me as well, but she had basically refused to show-up when I call her out. Well, I was not so much a fan of going to her house because of chances of meeting her mum plus her several siblings But I braved it and showed up at her house on Sunday. I asked her what the matter was.

She told me of how her family was pressuring her and almost everyone she met was telling her to try and settle down. She said how she knows that I am not ready to settle down anytime soon. She said she had been praying about it and she has received an answer that she should settle down and that she do so before this time next year. She wants to get married before her birthday. People, she said several things and I said several things and I walked out angrily and dazed but I just gave the highlight of the issue. I could not wrap my head properly around it for a while but later I calmed down and I asked her a few questions.

It seems her mind is made up on marriage. She says she would prefer if it was me because she loves me, but if not, it is the will of God. She said some other things. I am just dazed and I don't know how to take it or how to act or what to do.

My life is not where I want it to be. I don't have the resources to turn things around right now. I am in a quagmire. Please Help!

Your life is far from over. Your life is just starting. Infact thank your stars that she wants to leave your life.
A lady you have been with for 3 yrs and you never had a positive tale to tell except "Love tales", if you spend 100 years with such, you will only have love tales to tell, and nothing more.
I take you are still 27 or thereabout. Thats a very good sign. Shows you still have so much to time to get your acts together.
You might ask, how do l know this? I have been in your shoes before bro. Infact quite recently, l experienced similar fate. Mine was 6yrs relationship. Good thing was l saw it coming and l prepared ny mind for the worst. Lo and behold, the worst happened. She got married 3 months after we broke up, and she is already pregnant.
How is my life now, you might ask? Fantastic!
Focus on ur life as it is now. Life is not a race. It might be hard, but let it go.
You can meet a lady tomorrow that will turn your life around directly or indirectly in less than a year.

timesup234:
You are not supposed to believe because the United states is one big propaganda. 65% of Americans can't even come up with $500 in an emergency while 62% are one paycheck away from living on the street

Bros pls, what is the source of these your facts?
because from the way you are doling out ds facts looks like you work with United State Federal Reserves.

This topic brings back the argument of which is the better society, the African or Western society?
I tend to go with the latter because using indices of development and attitude towards humanity, the whites are far ahead of us. I will always cite the example of the Danish woman who came all the way from her country to save the life of a poor boy in Akwa Ibom, whom had been condemned to die by his very own morally and spiritually right folks.
Mind you, this saviour was covered in full body tattoos.
I still dont get why we think we are better off.
I could place a bet and claim that the girl you are seeing getting a tattoo wearing a bikini could have contributed more to humanity than the old woman.

timesup234:
Name a single Nigeria in those countries you listed who can be tagged as being successful. You guys are very funny. 95% of Nigerians living in America have never seen $40,000 cash unless those involved in shady dealings. Even 80% of americans who are first class citizens dont even have $20,000 saved after thirty years of working. This is 2017 you guys should stop living in illusion.

Bros for where you get this your statitics from sef? Shoo! these ur figures wan look like bad market!
#AdonbelieveIt