₦airaland Forum

I forgot to mention that the lappy ships with FREE stylish laptop carry bag, high resolution webcam, Bluetooth adapter and headset!
Call Isioma on 07034541632 or for price and delivery details.

Hello Nairalanders,
Given the very good way my last deal of selling my laptop turned out (checkout this link for testimony https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria?topic=137916.msg2433360#msg2433360), I now have another brand new HP lappy for sale. Do find below the configuration:

• Product Description - HP 530 - Core Duo T2600 2.16 GHz - 15.4' TFT
• Dimensions (WxDxH) - 35.8 cm x 22.7 cm x 3.6 cm
• Weight - 2.7 kg
• Platform Technology - Intel Centrino Duo
• System Type - Notebook
• Built-in Devices - Speaker, wireless LAN aerial
• Processor - Intel Core Duo T2600 / 2.16 GHz ( Dual-Core )
• Cache Memory - 2 MB - L2 Cache
• RAM - 1 GB (installed) / 2 GB (max) - DDR II SDRAM ( 1 x 1 GB )
Hard Drive - 120 GB - Serial ATA-150 - 5400 rpm
• Optical Storage - DVD±RW (+R double layer) / DVD-RAM
• Display - 15.4' TFT 1280 x 800 ( WXGA ) - BrightView
• Graphics Controller - Intel GMA 950
• Memory Allocation Technology - Dynamic Video Memory Technology 3.0
• Audio Output - Sound card
• Telecom - Fax / modem - 56 Kbps
• Networking - Network adapter - Ethernet, Fast Ethernet, IEEE 802.11b, IEEE 802.11a, IEEE 802.11g
• Wireless NIC - Intel PRO/Wireless 3945ABG
• Input Device - Keyboard, touchpad
• Battery - Lithium Ion
• Operating System - Microsoft Windows Vista Home Basic

Hello Nairalanders,
I finally sold this laptop to a fellow Nairalander. Though I was quite skeptical about the deal, I took the caution of delivering it to the buyer alongside a friend of mine. I stay at okokomaiko in Ojo, Lagos and the prospective buyer stays at Ikorodu. I went there and the deal went well. Thanks to Nairaland forum.

@jydeboy
The holy scriptures says in Psalm 14:1 "the fool hath saith in his heart that there's no God, "  If you doubt any of these miracles then sorry for you. But I pray that the greatest miracle will happen to you by coming in contact with the saving Christ. Only then will you realize how true these things can be. I say this because I am a living testimony of God's divine power of miracle to His children. God delivered me from the dreaded terminal disease: kidney failure. He not only kept me alive for close to eight years before my transplant, He also provided the close to about 7 million naira for this to be carried out in Far away Pakistan. Also note that I come from a  very humble background where even 100,000 naira is like 100 million naira. So change that thinking of yours. I am also sure you're in need of a miracle and probably because it hasn't come you're doubting. Bro. GOD IS INDEED REAL AND HE IS UNFATHOMABLE.
check www.isiomakidneyfoundation.i8.com to read my story

Can anyone help with info on how to enlarge one's butt (i.e. backside)? My fiancee has a small , and she feels I would love her the more if she has bigger , So I would really appreciate any relevant info in this regard to help her feel more loved. Thanks.

This is more of a spiritual attack. I advice she puts her faith in God and start attending a church where aggressive prayers are prayed. I recommend the Mountain of Fire and Miracles Ministries. I say this because I have personally been delivered of a protracted ailment just by attending one of their deliverance programmes. You neber can tell who is behind it and afterall what's the harm in trying. Please do strongly advice her to go and she won't regret it. God bless you.

I am a kidney patient who transplanted last year in Pakistan. I just came from pakistan for medical check up and I came back with some immunosuppressant drugs. I have Neoral and Cellcept for sale at very reduced prices. Any kidney patient or relative of any kidney patient who is interested should contact me by e-mail at ogbeisioma@yahoo.com. Check out my site at www.isiomakidneyfoundation.i8.com

The last price is 100,000 naira.

Configuration is 1.7GHZ, 512MB memory, 40GB hard disk, 14.1 inches display. the Price is 50,000 naira. Call or e-mail poster on 07034541632 or isiomaogbe@yahoo.com

The configuration is
Model: Acer Extensa 5620
Intel Core Duo 1.66GHZ (667MHZ Front Side Bus),
160GB hard disk drive,
2GB DDRAM,
15.4 inches WXGA display,
DVD-RW,
Bluetooth,
WIFI,
Webcam,
Windows Vista Home Premium,
Office 2007.

The last price is 110,000 naira. It's brand new still with it's carton.

THIS BRAND NEW ACER EXTENSA 5620 WITH ONE YEAR INTERNATIONAL WARANTY FOR SALE.
CALL ME ON 07034541632 OR E-MAIL isiomaogbe@yahoo.com FOR DETAILS.

SAVE US THE HASSLE OF CALLING YOU. YOU WILL DO WELL TO TELL US THE CONFIGURATION AND THE PRICE.

THANKS.

HELLO NAIRALANDERS,
   
ON MY WAY FROM PAKISTAN VIA DUBAI RECENTLY I BOUGHT TWO ACER LAPTOPS FOR PERSONAL USE. BUT NOW I INTEND SELLING ONE. IT'S CARTON AND ALL ARE INTACT. FIND BELOW THE SPECIFICATION.

INTEL CORE DUO 1.66MHZ
2.0GB RAM
160GB HARD DISK
15.4' WXGA DISPLAY
CRYSTAL CLEAR WEBCAM
WIFI
BLUETOOTH
ALL IN ONE CARD READER
EDGE CARD PORT
PCMCIA PORT
CD/DVD WRITER
5 USB PORTS
WINDOWS VISTA HOME PREMIUM
OFFICE 2003
NORTON ANTI-VIRUS
ONE YEAR INTERNATIONAL WARRANTY

ASKING PRICE IS 120,000 NAIRA ONLY (NEGOTIABLE)

INTERESTED NAIRALANDERS SHOULD CONTACT ON PHONE 07034541632 OR BY EMAIL isiomaogbe@yahoo.com

THANKS.

Dear Nairalanders,
I am finding it difficult to complete the online registration for the Nigeian Navy 17th Batch Ratings Recruitment. There is link on the site to fill in the codes purchased from the back. Whoever has done his or her own application successfully should please tell how he or she went about it. God bless you as you do so.

Isioma

What were we xpecting? I guess a miracle. Because only a miracle would have enabled us to get to the finals and eventually win the competition. God indeed gave us a miracle by helping qualify for the quaterfinals. But really we couldn't have expected more going by the calibre of the crop of individuals who manage our football.

Looking critically at yesterdays game, all the boys played well but you needn't a soothsayer to tell you that there wasn't any game plan by the coach for the boys. The goal we got via the penalty, though favourably earned, was more or less a dint of goodluck. Our squad lacked attacking midfield and we didn't see any nice finishing because we don't have strikers.

Nigeria is fully loaded with players that can effectively man these parts of the pitch. But our coach would rather field players abroad rather than scow the entire country looking for talented players. I don't blame him. If the guys at NFA made that clear to him in the first place we won't now be crying over spilt milk. Again, what are we to expect when "abokis or mallams" whose specialty it is to rear cows man the helm of affairs at the NFA.

Until, we resolve all these we will still continue to suffer the same fate as we did yesterday in future tournaments.

DEAR NAIRALANDERS,
COULD ANYONE HELP ME WITH DETAILS ON HOW TO SECURE A LOAN TO BUY VSAT EQUIPMENT NEEDED TO START OFF MY CYBERCAFE, COLLATERALS OR GUARANTORS NOTWITHSTANDING. MY NUMBERS ARE 07034541632 ABD 08027098363 AND MY E-MAIL ADDRESS IS isiomaogbe@yahoo.com.
COUNTING ON YOU ALL, I SAY THANK YOU IN ANTICIPATION.

YOURS,
OGBE G. ISIOMA.

DEAR NAIRALANDERS,

MY NAME IS OGBE ISIOMA. I RESIDE IN LAGOS. BY THE SPECIAL GRACE OF GOD, I OWN A DUELY REGISTERED ENTERPRISE NAMED GRAHIS TECHNOLOGIES. WE ARE BASICALLY INTO COMPUTER ASSEMBLY, REPAIRS AND NETWORKING. WE ARE ALSO INTO TRAINING AND INTERNET CAFE SERVICES.

OPENED MY FIRST OFFICE FOR BUSINESS IN JUNE 2007. HERE WE DO ALL THE ABOVE SERVICES BUT ARE PATRONIZED MORE FOR INTERNET BROWZING. IN OCTOBER 2007, WE SECURED ANOTHER MUCH LARGER OFFICE SPACE THAT WILL FOCUS MORE ON INTERNET BROWZING. WE HAVE ACQUIRED ALL THERE IS TO START OFF. THESE INCLUDE ALL THE COMPUTERS NEEDED (ALL P3 & P4), NEW GENERATING SET, NEW SPLIT A/C EXCEPT FOR THE VSAT CONNECTION.
WE'VE MADE OUR FINDINGS AND IT WOULD COST BETWEEN 250-300,000 NAIRA TO GET THE EQUIPMENT AND BANDWIDTH SUBSCRIPTION FOR TWO MONTHS (128/256 KP/S).

WE NEED ANY SERIOUS PERSON TO HELP FINANCE THE COMPLETION OF THIS PROJECT. WE WILL BE WILLING TO PAY BACK THE SUM WITHIN TWO MONTHS. MY BUSINESS CARD IS ATTACHED. ANY SERIOUS AND INTERESTED NAIRALANDER SHOULD CONTACT ME ON EITHER OF THE NUMBERS TO DISCUSS INTEREST RATE AND ALL THAT THERE IS TO IT. MY E-MAIL ADDRESS IS isiomaogbe@yahoo.com. I WILL ALSO BE WILLING TO TAKE ANY INTERESTED INDIVIDUAL ON A TOUR OF THE NEW OFFICE {I.E 10, KEMBERI ROAD, OKOKOMAIKO, LAGOS (as seen on the complimentary card attached)}.

EXPECTING SERIOUS RESPONSES, I SAY THANK YOU IN ANTICIPATION.

YOUR FELLOW NAIARALANDER,
OGBE ISIOMA.

Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.
The first bull says, "Boys, we all know I've been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don't know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I ain't' givin' him any of mine."

The second bull says, "That pretty much says it for me, too. I've been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we've agreed are mine. I'll fight 'im till I run him off or kill 'im, but I'M KEEPIN' ALL MY COWS."

The third bull says, "I've only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to "take care of". I may not be as big as you fellows yet, but I am young and virile, so I simply MUST keep all MY cows."

They had just finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only ONE ANIMAL IN IT: the biggest Son-of-Another-Bull these guys had ever seen! At 4700 pounds, each step he took toward the ground strained the steel ramp to the breaking point.

The first bull says, "Ahem, You know, it's actually been some time since I really felt I was doing all my cows justice, anyway. I think I can spare a few for our new friend."

The second bull says, "I'll have plenty of cows to take care of if I just stay on the opposite end of the pasture from HIM. I'm certainly not looking for an argument."

They look over at their young friend, the third bull, and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns, and snorting up a storm.

The first bull says, "Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it."

The third bull says, "Heck, he can have ALL my cows. I'm just making sure he knows I'M a bull!"

Dracula decides to carry some sort of a competition to see which is the finest bat to stand on his side. The rules were simple. The bat who drinks the most blood would be the winnter. He selects his three top bats to compete.

So the first bat goes and comes back after 10 minutes. Her mouth was full of blood. Dracula says: "Congratulations, how did you do that?" The bat said: "Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a house. I went in and sucked the blood of all the family."

"Very good," says Dracula.

The second bat goes and comes back after 5 minutes all her face covered in blood. Dracula astonished says, "How did you do that?" The bat replies, "Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a school. I went in and drunk the blood of all the children."

"Impressive," Dracula replies.

Now the third bat goes and comes back after three minutes literally covered in blood from top to toe.

Dracula is stunned. "How on earth did you do that?" he asked.

And the bat replies. "Do you see that tower?"

Dracula replies, "Yes."

And the bat says, "Well, I didn't."

1. We have absolutely no idea where our purse is.

2. We believe that dancing with our arms overhead and wiggling our butt while yelling "woohoo" is truly the sexiest dance move around.

3. We've suddenly decided that we want to kick someone's ass and honestly believe we could do it too.

4. In our last bathroom visit, we realize that we now look more homeless than the goddess we were just four hours ago.

5. We start crying and telling everyone we see that we love them sooooo much.

6. We get extremely excited and jump up and down every time a new song plays because "oh my god! I love this song"

7. We've found a deeper/spiritual side to the geek sitting next to us.

8. We've suddenly taken up smoking and become really good at it.

9, We yell at the bartender, who we believe cheated us by giving us just lemonade but that's just because we can no longer taste the gin.

10. We think we are in bed, but the pillow feels strangely like the kitchen floor (or the mop?)

11. We fail to notice that the toilet lid's down when we sit on it.

12. We take our shoes off because we believe it's their fault that we're having problems walking straight.

Apology Letter from the Wife
I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I
accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake.
The garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt when
it bumped into your car.
I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will
forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart.
I am enclosing a picture for you.
I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife.
Bleep

An older couple had a son who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the son has no career plans, so they decided to do a small test.

They took a $10 bill, a Bible and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table. Then they hid, pretending they were not at home.

The test was this: If the son took the money, he would be a businessman, if he took the Bible, he would be a priest, but if he took the bottle of whiskey, he would be a drunk.

So the parents hid in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole, they saw their son arrive and read the note they had left him.

Then, he took the $10 bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket.

After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and took it.

Finally he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to check the quality. Then he left for his room, carrying all three items.

The father slapped his forehead and said, "Darn, it's even worse than I could ever have imagined. Our son is going to be a politician!"

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away.

His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?"

"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."

"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce."

"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it means that you don't get any more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Ferraris and Lexus's in the garage and no more yacht club.But the decision is yours."

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.

"Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife.

"That's his mistress," says her husband.

"Ours is prettier," she replies.

One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: "Drinks for all on me including you, bartender." So the bartender follows the mans orders and says: "That will be $36.50 please." The drunk says he has no money so the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.

The next night the same drunk comes in again, goes up to the bartender and orders a drink for everyone in the bar including the bartender. Again the bartender follows instructions and again the drunk says he has no money. So the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.

On the third night he comes in, the drunk comes in a says, "Drinks all around, except for you bartender!"

"What, no drink for me?" asks the bartender.

"No way, you get violent when you drink."

A Nursery 1 student in a danfo bus from school was reciting the days lesson at school, it went thus:
if my father is a cock and my mother a hen, i will be a chick
if my father is a lion and my mother a lioness, i will be a cob
if my father is a king and my mother a queen, i will be a prince
etc, etc.
The bus driver was irritated by the boys 'noise', he shouted at the boy asking him to shut up. But the boy continued.
Then the driver shouted;
What of if your father is an 'armed robber' and your mother an 'ashawo' (prostitute), what will you be?
The boy replied;
I will be a 'Danfo Driver' like you.

Wife #1: Hey, Lynn, tell me this. How did you get your husband from staying out late?

Wife #2: Well, everytime he would come home I would simply say, 'Mike, is that you?'

Wife #1: But I still don't understand. How did that kept him from staying out?

Wife #2: My husband's name is Andrew.

"…seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you.” (Mathew 6:33)
Today the crave for material things as well as worldly pleasures has numbed the mind of so many to the question of their eternal destination. In as much as these are important we should exercise some form of moderation. Not degrading ourselves to do just about anything to satisfy our worldly cares.

Eternity is something we all can't afford to dabble with. So regardless of whatever it is we are doing, we should have at the back of our mind that someday we'ld leave these shores to a blissful or damning eternal abode. An abode that is determined by how we all have spent our lifetime.

Give this serious thought.

God bless.

On a hot summer day, a country bumpkin came into town with his dog. He tied the dog under the shade of a tree and went into the bar for a cold beer.

About 20 minutes later a policeman came into the bar and asked who owned the dog tied under the tree. The bumpkin said that it was his. The policeman said, 'Your dog seems to be in heat.'
The bumpkin replies, 'No way dog's in heat, she's cool kawse I got 'er tied unner the shade tree.'

The policeman says, 'No! You don't understand your dog needs to be bred.'

'No way,' the bumpkin says, 'dog don't need bread, she ain't hongry, kawse I fed 'ER beef jerky this mornin'.'

Now the policeman gets mad and yells out; 'NO! You don't seem to understand, your dog wants to have sex!'

The redneck looks at him with a long pause and says,

'Go 'head. I always wanted a police dog.'

It is obvious from your post that you need the guy because of his money. That is quite shameful. Eyin guys don't mind her oh! Let her grow up loving a guy with little or nthing from the scratch. That is even more eventful, enjoying and rewarding. Take my advice girl.

You guys should be careful sha. Remember that HIV hasn't gotten a cure yet. Moreover, I'ld rather you engage yourselves in more important things seeing that it is just the begining of the year. BE CAREFUL!

A country preacher decided to skip services one Sunday and head to the hills to do some bear hunting. As he rounded the corner on a perilous twist in the trail, he and a bear collided, sending him and his rifle tumbling down the mountainside. Before he knew it, his rifle went one way and he went the other, landing on a rock and breaking both legs. That was the good news. The bad news was the ferocious bear charging at him from a distance, and he couldn't move. "Oh, Lord," the preacher prayed, "I'm so sorry for skipping services today to come out here and hunt. Please forgive me and grant me just one wish, please make a Christian out of that bear that's coming at me. Please, Lord!"

That very instant, the bear skidded to a halt, fell to its knees, clasped its paws together and began to pray aloud right at the preacher's feet.
"Dear God, bless this food I am about to receive, "