Some days ago, I was in the office when I caught sight of a news scroll on CNN. Scientists discovered a lost continent. I am not sciency but archeology fascinates me. I quickly typed in the keywords online to get the gist. I couldn't complete the article I settled for in my enlightenment quest. Once, I read that the continent in question must have existed some million years ago, the story lost me.
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Later that evening I was in a state of introspection and my mind wandered to an uncle of mine fighting tooth and nail to prove he is not the biological father of a lady who got married few weeks ago. Uncle has a paternity test affirming his claim. He got that more than two decades ago.
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But the extended family seems to think otherwise. In fact, according to hearsay, some siblings under the inducement of 500k stood for Uncle as the father of the bride when the lady in question got married. The claim to the grooms family was that the bride's father (Uncle) was late. Everything was carried out like a carefully planned heist.
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My uncle would have none of it. It was bad enough his own siblings don't believe him. Going ahead to claim he is dead in order to represent him as the father of a child valid documents prove otherwise is taking a bad joke too far. He has since been exploring every other means to reaffirm his position that he didn't father the girl in question.
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This issue is generating so much furore right now.
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Now before I seek your opinion, here are some noteworthy information.
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My Uncle is alright. Very very alright. The girl in question has lived to become an adult without my uncle in her life in whatever capacity. She's a graduate. I'm guessing the mother is alright enough to have achieved that.
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My uncle got his paternity test as far back as 94. I'm just wondering how many people knew what that is in his hometown in 94. And out of those who did, how many believed it's validity? Remember in 2017, a graduate working in a newsroom finds it hard to come to terms with Science's claim of a lost continent. With all your education, some of you don't believe the dinosaurs walked the earth millions of years ago. How would you believe a paternity test in 94 when grey heads disagree?
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Now,
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Why would a woman subject her daughter to such psychological trauma the daughter must be going through now? At what cost?
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What possibly could be more to the obstinate romance with my uncle's family after managing to raise a marriageable daughter?
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Would this still be the case if my uncle was a lowlife nonentity?
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Is there any sense in an educated adult disbelieving the validity of a paternity test?
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Is it right for one's siblings or family to go ahead and accept a child one has rejected with valid reasons as stated above?
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If the siblings could claim to stand in for my uncle at the lady's wedding,is there no inherent danger perchance his demise in the future?
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Do you still understand this life?
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Ogbeni La

I supposed they will rather vote for a party that is willing to gift them a deputy slot than the others with no such provision. The Central stands to gain more from a PDP victory. This should be the sentiment whipped by PDP and a valid one

It is less than seven days to go and I am still convinced the forthcoming Ondo gubernatorial election is all PDP's to lose. All that the party needs to do is to get certain basics right and work together as a family. The social media has been taken over by rival political parties in the state but then over the time, we have all come to accept that social media propaganda do not win elections. People and structures do. In as much as I do not want to preempt the court, I shall stick to the person whose name still appears on the INEC list to form the basis of my conviction. I am not going to be carried away by unrealistic intellectual idealism in my narrative but shall be advised by the reality of our democracy as a people in Ondo state.
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There are four major contending parties that will determine the outcome of the forthcoming election with their votes on November 26.They are Alliance for Democracy, All Progressive Congress, People's Democratic Party and Social Democratic Party. All other parties will poll inconsequential votes. The four parties enumerated above have flagbearers and deputy flagbearers spread across the three Senatorial Districts the state is divided into namely; Ondo Central, Ondo South and Ondo North. The dominating people in these districts are as follow: Ondo and Akure in the Central. Ilaje and Ikale in the South and Akoko and Owo in the North. Dominating people here doesn't deny the presence of other people like the Idanres, Ijaws in some of these districts. Rather it suggests that the "dominating people" often set the pace for the others.

AD parades Barrister Olushola Oke an Ilaje man from the South with his deputy Ganny Dauda an Akoko from the North. APC parades Barrister Akeredolu an Owo man from the North with his deputy Agboola an Ilaje from the South. PDP boasts of Barrister Jimoh Ibrahim an Ikale man from the South with his deputy Ebenezer Alabi an Akure man from the Central. Finally, SDP brings into the game Dr Olu Agunloye an Akoko man from the North with Erelu Modupe Martins an Ikale woman from the South.
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This might prove too cumbersome to comprehend but you may wish to reread slowly because therein lies the secret to correctly predict who might win the forthcoming polls.
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What do we know about the traditional voting pattern of the state from recent elections especially since the new advent of democracy. The Central has the largest voting strength followed by the South and the North in that order. Numbers matter. Politics is after all a game of numbers.
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The Central are perhaps the most unpredictable of the three Districts when it comes to voting patterns. It is generally believed that their sheer numerical strength can determine a poll winner in a guber race. Unfortunately, they are the most cosmopolitan and you never can guess their motivation on an election day.

The South is a traditional PDP stronghold.

The North since time immemorial has voted AD, AC, ACN and APC in that metamorphic order . It will take a miracle in the mould of waking a dead Lazarus for any party aside APC to win that District.
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Well so much for voting pattern. What does the reality on ground says? There are two major identified parties (AD and SDP) that are not factored in the voting pattern. How would their entrance influence the forthcoming poll? I will tell you how. One, the root of these parties flagbearers and deputy flagbearers and their result in a popularity test.
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Olusola Oke (AD) is from Ilaje in the South which is a traditional PDP stronghold. That's his root. His is very popular. That's an objective popularity test result. Will he win the South then? Most likely. He has a lot to benefit from PDP's lack of hegemony going to the contest. He is going to tamper with the traditional voting pattern this one time.

Dr Olu Agunloye (SDP) is from Akoko in the North which is a traditional APC stronghold. That's his root. He is a son of the soil. That's an objective popularity test. Will he win the North then? Very unlikely. But whatever happens, he is going to get a healthy junk of the votes from the North. He will manage to tamper with the voting pattern even if the effect would be minimal.

What does all these mean? Oke wins Ilaje and maybe halves Ikale, Aketi wins Owo and most likely Akoko? Jimoh Ibrahim halves Ikale and Agunloye shares the spoils in Akoko.

Pray, who wins Ondo and Akure?
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I can beat my chest that whoever wins these two people wins the election.
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What does voting patterns tell us? Do not forget that the places where the voting pattern have majorly been tampered with are North and South with the entrance of new parties having flagbearers from the two districts. This leaves us with the Central which has the largest voting strength. Now, two things will determine who wins the Central which is dominated by Ondos and Akures and by statistics have the largest eligible voters. They are the Deputy slot and Power of Incumbency. The deputy slot becomes an imperative factor since none of the deciding parties picked a candidate from the Central and strangely only one picked her deputy from the valuable district. Coincidentally, these two factors work perfectly for the PDP. Ebenezer Alabi the PDP deputy candidate is an Akure man while the incumbent Governor is an Ondo man. The central remains the PDP's for taking.

Do you see why I am convinced that with basic strategy and hegemony, PDP still remains the most favoured to win the election? Out of the two factors that can win the Central, Deputy and Incumbency, the latter is very vital because wherever the latter tilts to shall go a long way to determine who eventually wins this election.
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So let's have this redrawn one last time. Oke wins Ilaje and halves Ikale, Aketi wins Owo and Akoko, Jimoh halves Ikale, Akure and Ondo and Agunloye wins nought.
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I know this look too improbable. "Enu dun rofo". But if I were the Governor, this is how my head would think and my game plan would be tailored towards achieving same; something I'm sure the great Iroko could achieve if he sets his mind towards it.
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Whatever happens, the state braces herself up to be governed by a Lawyer after the Medical Doctor.
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Adedayo OlaOluwa Fisayo aka Ogbeni La is a social media enthusiast and a political conscious student and youth leader. He is presently the Coordinator of Ondo State Youth Network and a PDP sympathiser.

Honourable drinking 'Honourable'; Ko Si Big Deal!

My attention has been drawn (mimics Linda Ikeji) to the pictures of Mr Olubodun Tayo Marcus, an S. A to the Governor of Ondo state, trending on the social media where he is shown drinking our indigenous Trophy Lager beer with some younger friends in what looks like a sitting room birthday celebration.

While I commend Linda's professional attempt at reporting the news without bias, well it made gossip headlines so it might as well qualify for a piece of news, I couldn't help but laugh at some of the comments that trailed it. Once again, the hypocrisy of an average Nigerian was on cheap display. Someone was quick to assert that the S.A must be a thug to have been drinking beer in his sitting room with friends. How that adds up beats me. I don't know since when someone who chooses to drink with friends in the comfort of his house became a thug. Another one derided him for drinking common beer. Since when did one's choice of drink become another person's headache? I guess it wouldn't be an issue if he were popping champagne or some other foreign poison. The comment that made me almost gave up on humanity finally was that of the man that proudly declared he isn't disappointed because that is how Apc Governors do. Like WTF? A clear evidence that the slowpoke that commented on the blog is one of those ignoramuses that jump on the bandwagon of any available folly is that Ondo state Governor, who Olubodun Tayo Marcus assists on Political Affairs and Mobilisation is not even an Apc Governor!!

If the pictures were that of some foreign persons, the furore will be needless. We will laugh over it and admire the simplicity of the white man. We have become a nation where people question your right to be normal. Please let me be normal in peace. Let me have my favourite beer (Trophy) in my sitting room with my homies on their birthdays even if I am the Governor of a state. Ko si big deal!

Honourable drinking 'Honourable'; Ko Si Big Deal!

My attention has been drawn (mimics Linda Ikeji) to the pictures of Mr Olubodun Tayo Marcus, an S. A to the Governor of Ondo state, trending on the social media where he is shown drinking our indigenous Trophy Lager beer with some younger friends in what looks like a sitting room birthday celebration.

While I commend Linda's professional attempt at reporting the news without bias, well it made gossip headlines so it might as well qualify for a piece of news, I couldn't help but laugh at some of the comments that trailed it. Once again, the hypocrisy of an average Nigerian was on cheap display. Someone was quick to assert that the S.A must be a thug to have been drinking beer in his sitting room with friends. How that adds up beats me. I don't know since when someone who chooses to drink with friends in the comfort of his house became a thug. Another one derided him for drinking common beer. Since when did one's choice of drink become another person's headache? I guess it wouldn't be an issue if he were popping champagne or some other foreign poison. The comment that made me almost gave up on humanity finally was that of the man that proudly declared he isn't disappointed because that is how Apc Governors do. Like WTF? A clear evidence that the slowpoke that commented on the blog is one of those ignoramuses that jump on the bandwagon of any available folly is that Ondo state Governor, who Olubodun Tayo Marcus assists on Political Affairs and Mobilisation is not even an Apc Governor!!

If the pictures were that of some foreign persons, the furore will be needless. We will laugh over it and admire the simplicity of the white man. We have become a nation where people question your right to be normal. Please let me be normal in peace. Let me have my favourite beer in my sitting room with my homies on their birthdays even if I am the Governor of a state. Ko si big deal!

..that awkward when you type 'vagina' instead of vanilla ...

Unfortunately yes. But I actually like plus size girls right from Adam.

There was a time when we all felt autocorrect was the best thing to happen after the slice breads. You know, it saves time and in fact conveys on you the sense of being smart. But that was until the autocorrect function on our mobile device started acting in conspiracy to embarrass us. Have you had similar moments? Check these out.


Me:lol, honestly, if you were still here I would be looking towards dating you. You are so sweet and a really good friend and super beautiful. But you're so damn fat.

Her: *silence

Me: you there?

Her: *more silence

Me: shit. I mean far. Stupd autocorrect

And Femi's fiance, Peju was featured in a hip
hop music video wearing pant and bra in a
bath tub and the popular artiste slapped her
bum two weeks to her wedding. Femi's
parents (Elder and Deaconess Oluwasanu)
watched the video and called their son and
said 'Femi, you are yet to get a bride'. Now
Femi has called off the wedding! But is Femi's
action justified?

#copied from a friend's Facebook wall#

if you are defending the categories of ladies highlighted in this post, chances are you are boring!

Those jamb question part got me laughing hard. Like seriously , they are questions worth attempting

'If as a male and closer to thirty,your mother still takes most of the difficult and unpleasant decisions on your behalf,I'm afraid,there's cause for alarm. The chances are,your girlfriend or fiancee-as it may be applicable to you-is already doing the same. Now if she's not doing so yet ( perhaps she's been cautious not to risk losing you) ,she will eventually. In fact, she is,already. Perhaps only subtlely. You are probably too amenable to be suspicious. But that is not even the cause for alarm yet. You wait till you tie the knot and everything becomes official. That's when the battle for supremacy begins between the two women.'

'Don't wait till you find yourself in this probable shoe. You are not a remote control. Be loving but firm. Be cautious but bold. Be the man in your life by knowing where to draw the lines in every regards.'

I have misplaced my sentiments

But you said you're not an ARISTO; I send long messages and get 'kk' as my reply.

So you are not an ARISTO; I do all the calling except of course when you call to remind me of a promise I'd earlier made you.

You are not an ARISTO; On the Valentine's day or similar occasions,I buy the gifts,you say the 'thanks'.

You say you're not an ARISTO; Yet,I'm the one that pay for your accommodation rent.

You insist that you're not an ARISTO; Still,I pay for your hairdo every month like I pay my tithe.

The worst of all,

You say you're not an ARISTO; but everytime I desire a visit from you,I send money to your account for transport fare.

You complain to me that you're but 'a woman'.
I wonder what medical condition goes by such term.

My dear,if you're not an ARISTO after all,pray,what on earth are you?

Ogbeni La

As I sat down there watching,a lot was rushing through ma mind at the same time. Perhaps a great testimony to this was that after 10mins I was yet to figure out the lady with the biggest boobs in the room. It's not funny. It is so unlike me. But like I've admitted,I was lost in thought . A lot was fighting for attention in ma heart. I couldn't take ma eyes of Middlewealth the lady that invited me over. It was a bead making class and she was the teacher. I've always maintained that there's something inexplicably beautiful about an energetic woman doing what she knows how to do best. You know,like watching Genevieve on cast ...she becomes more beautiful for the sake of what she does. Middlewealth here is proving ma theory right. Seeing her teaching a group of girls the art of bead making which she knows perfectly was a joy to behold. She was in her element. I was proud of her.

But I was thinking more than this. Here I am,doing the unbelievable . The unbelievable is a La coming to wait in a boring bead class just for the sake of the lady teacher of the class. Isn't that what people in love do? I mean I get it if some smart dude does that just to get into a lady's pant but as much as I'm convinced I am not in love with Catherine or anyone for that matter ,I am also convinced beyond reasonable doubt that it is needless for me to come to this class in order to get into milady's pant.

What does a woman want is a cliche but like seriously,what does a man want. I'm the sort of guy that goes to a cafeteria and orders for a mixture of the available soup. Now I think that's a bad omen,a classic sign of discontentedness. And I think that's what has got me thinking this hard in a non threatening atmosphere as this where I ought to be savouring the triumph of genius over beauty.

I could have Aarin if I wanted her badly or demanded for her outrightly. But I haven't done that despite all the chances she has given me. I seem not to know what I want . Or perhaps I know too much what I want . Perhaps the certainty that I could have her if I wanted her badly is my true undoing . And I should know better than this. You can't have any woman anytime you want. That is an illusion. A time would come she wouldn't feel the way she does about you. When such time comes,you are lucky if you do not lose her completely. I know all these and more. Yet..

Maybe all I'm trying to figure out in ma heart is if Aarin is the real deal. I have two other ladies as such in ma life. I can't just wrap ma mind around making a definite decision over them also. One is almost a masters graduate and a virgin. The other just concluded her NYSC program and is in a relationship. A relationship I'm so confident of breaking only if my stupid heart can be made up on what it wants. By the way,the two girls I just mentioned are exes and I have gone more physical with them than I ever did with Aarin.

Back to Aarin. I always brag amongst ma friends about the kind of woman I want. Someone energetic and independent. A woman that have a life outside me . A woman that can stand up among equals. A woman that wouldn't limit herself because of her gender. Aarin fills all these gaps. She's that woman and all. But what comes after a six is more than a seven. I know no one is perfect but Aarin's imperfection is a source of worry I just can't turn a blind eye to,no matter how much I wish. I'm a goddammit down to earth guy. Not much of a compliment when it comes to handling the female gender but thankfully in this case it has so far helped me in curtailing Aarin's exurberances. Aarin is a baby in a lady's flesh. She is psychologically immature. I don't know how to explain this but I don't mean it in a demeaning kind of way. Her emotions are child-like and they inform her behaviour. She's like a spoilt child . Her life ambition is to be gratified in every whims and caprice she wants. An example suffice here. She once pleaded I write something about her. I did after I realised it meaned more than I could imagine to her to have me perform such task. Now as if that wasn't exuberant enough. She wanted me to bring the handwritten copy so that she can have it typed and laminated for keeps. Such is her nature. A beautiful child-like spirit that may not always be admirable in an adult. At twenty six,she isn't going to change and everyone knows. The question is who would love Aarin and her immature psychological make up. Somebody definite will, giving her enormous amazingness but will that person be me. I'm not even ready for conjugal but at twenty six,anything serious with an Aarin is unpredictable.

I do not fail to marvel whenever I think about Aarin.At 5feet9 tall,boobs above average and hips so large it creates an irresistible ass from the rear view,her stature completely betrays her simplicity and naivety. It is somehow like my imperfection. Many people readily agree that I'm smart,intelligent and what have you on forming acquaintance with me but few people ,not even ma immediate family suspects I suffer from a mild non verbal learning disability. Most times I don't pick up clues that involve non verbal communication. As a result ,I forget easily what I see as opposed to what I hear. I forget so much it baffles me why I am not so dumb. My incorrigible interest in the art of seduction has helped me picked up on most non verbal communication passed through body language so far. I intend to continue to work on myself.

Maybe we all possess one embarrassing short coming or the other. Maybe there's really nothing more to love than the acceptance of such imperfection and the willingness to persist with the other person.

Just maybe. By the way the class just ended and the lady in faded black top sitting opposite me on the left has the biggest boobs!

Ogbeni La