₦airaland Forum

Advice from an 80 year old man
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This had over 16,000 shares when I posted it a few weeks ago. Not sure where it originated from but alot of people are inboxing me asking to re-post it...Life lessons

1. Have a firm handshake.
2. Look people in the eye.
3. Sing in the shower.
4. Own a great stereo system.
5. If in a fight, hit first and hit hard.
6. Keep secrets.
7. Never give up on anybody. Miracles happen everyday.
8. Always accept an outstretched hand.
9. Be brave. Even if you're not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference.
10. Whistle.
11. Avoid sarcastic remarks.
12. Choose your life's mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90 per cent of all your happiness or misery.
13. Make it a habit to do nice things for people who will never find out.
14. Lend only those books you never care to see again.
15. Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all that they have.
16. When playing games with children, let them win.
17. Give people a second chance, but not a third.
18. Be romantic.
19. Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
20. Loosen up. Relax. Except for rare life-and-death matters, nothing is as important as it first seems.
21. Don't allow the phone to interrupt important moments. It's there for our convenience, not the caller's.
22. Be a good loser.
23. Be a good winner.
24. Think twice before burdening a friend with a secret.
25. When someone hugs you, let them be the first to let go.
26. Be modest. A lot was accomplished before you were born.
27. Keep it simple.
28. Beware of the person who has nothing to lose.
29. Don't burn bridges. You'll be surprised how many times you have to cross the same river.
30. Live your life so that your epitaph could read, No Regrets
31. Be bold and courageous. When you look back on life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did.
32. Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.
33. Remember no one makes it alone. Have a grateful heart and be quick to acknowledge those who helped you.
34. Take charge of your attitude. Don't let someone else choose it for you.
35. Visit friends and relatives when they are in hospital; you need only stay a few minutes.
36. Begin each day with some of your favourite music.
37. Once in a while, take the scenic route.
38. Send a lot of Valentine cards. Sign them, 'Someone who thinks you're terrific.'
39. Answer the phone with enthusiasm and energy in your voice.
40. Keep a note pad and pencil on your bed-side table. Million-dollar ideas sometimes strike at 3 a.m.
41. Show respect for everyone who works for a living, regardless of how trivial their job.
42. Send your loved ones flowers. Think of a reason later.
43. Make someone's day by paying the toll for the person in the car behind you.
44. Become someone's hero.
45. Marry only for love.
46. Count your blessings.
47. Compliment the meal when you're a guest in someone's home.
48. Wave at the children on a school bus.
49. Remember that 80 per cent of the success in any job is based on your ability to deal with people.
50. Don't expect life to be fair

OK... so I kinda saw this somewhere and decided to share it... qualified candidates should apply... lmao!!!

I think I'll just give my life to Christ again just in case I loose it to the dog.

OK... so let's say you're visiting a friend who just moved in from a foreign country. you knocked on the door and he/she asked you to come in and make yourself comfortable since he/she is still having a bath. On entering, closing the door behind you and sitting down(thinking of how to create the best first impression ) either of these animals walks in the living room from his/her bedroom. Honestly, what would be your immediate reaction?!

Drinking Alcohol is Bad.....hahahaha
A guy got so high and was searching for his missing phone with
the torchlight from the same phone he was looking for. Since he
was so worried with the search and almost in tears, his close
friend who was also high joined him in this serious search. After
2hours of searching, his phone rang, he picked the call and quickly
told the caller:
"I'll call you back, am trying to look for my phone" and he
angrily cut the call and continued to search for the phone he just
answered a call from.
He decided to use the same phone to try calling his line and when
he got a busy signal, he turned to his friend and said:
" Guy forget, that phone don go, the person wey thief am dey cut
am as I call am just now".
HAPPY INDEPENDENCE NIGERIA!!!

My eldest bro's answer is the most hilarious... "make she go bank tomorrow, them go slove her problem". Lwkm.

Brain exercise:
Quantitative Reasoning

A housewife forgot her Bank account PIN Code which is a 5 digit number, but luckily she remembered some hints on how to recall this PIN Code.

Here are some of the clues:

1) The first digit is the square of the 2nd.
2) The sum of the 2nd and 3rd is 10.
3) The 4th is equal to the 2nd plus 1.
4) The 3rd and 5th makes 14.
5) The sum of all the digits is 30.

What's the PIN Code?...

HungerBAD:
Thunder birds.

Very wrong.

I was surfing and came across this childhood cartoon animated series... who can give the tittle to it.

I swear if I was there I would fight for that woman... as a matter of fact if I we're the husband... hmmmmnm, I wan see them too, no tell me say u don detain them. Make I ask them why them go harm my unborn child. Then I Sue them, 100million straight up.

Fp quick quick ooo. answer to be posted later.

This woman's husband snapped her dis pix with his phone, after taking break fast before heading to d office. On getting to d office he keeps steering at his lovely wife, after a while he came back n shot her dead. The reason for his action is on the pix. Can you tell me why? Let's see how deeply you can look

Why Pork is Haram (not permissible) in Islam ~ 15
Things You Should Know About Pigs:
1) A pig is a real garbage gut. It will eat anything
including urine, excrement, dirt, decaying animal
flesh, maggots, or decaying vegetables. They will
even eat the cancerous growths off other pigs or
animals.
2) The meat and fat of a pig absorbs toxins like a
sponge. Their meat can be 30 times more toxic
than beef or venison.
3) When eating beef or venison, it takes 8 to 9
hours to digest the meat so what little toxins are
in the meat are slowly put into our system and
can be filtered by the liver. But when pork is
eaten, it takes only 4 hours to digest the meat. We
thus get a much higher level of toxins within a
shorter time.
4) Unlike other mammals, a pig does not sweat or
perspire. Perspiration is a means by which toxins
are removed from the body. Since a pig does not
sweat, the toxins remain within its body and in
the meat.
5) Pigs and swine are so poisonous that you can
hardly kill them with strychnine or other poisons.
6) Farmers will often pen up pigs within a
rattlesnake nest because the pigs will eat the
snakes, and if bitten they will not be harmed by
the venom.
7) When a pig is butchered, worms and insects
take to its flesh sooner and faster than to other
animal's flesh. In a few days the swine flesh is full
of worms.
Swine and pigs have over a dozen parasites within
them, such as tapeworms, flukes, worms, and
trichinae. There is no safe temperature at which
pork can be cooked to ensure that all these
parasites, their cysts, and eggs will be killed.
9) Pig meat has twice as much fat as beef. A 3 oz T
bone steak contains 8.5 grams of fat; a 3 oz pork
chop contains 18 grams of fat. A 3 oz beef rib has
11.1 grams of fat; a 3 oz pork spare rib has 23.2
grams of fat.
10) Cows have a complex digestive system, having
four stomachs. It thus takes over 24 hours to
digest their vegetarian diet causing its food to be
purified of toxins. In contrast, the swine's one
stomach takes only about 4 hours to digest its
foul diet, turning its toxic food into flesh.
11) The swine carries about 30 diseases which can
be easily passed to humans. This is why God
commanded that we are not even to touch their
carcase (Leviticus 11:.
12) The trichinae worm of the swine is
microscopically small, and once ingested can
lodge itself in our intestines, muscles, spinal cord
or the brain. This results in the disease trichinosis.
The symptoms are sometimes lacking, but when
present they are mistaken for other diseases,
such as typhoid, arthritis, rheumatism, gastritis,
MS, meningitis, gall bladder trouble, or acute
alcoholism.
13) The pig is so poisonous and filthy, that nature
had to prepare him a sewer line or canal running
down each leg with an outlet in the bottom of the
foot. Out of this hole oozes pus and filth his body
cannot pass into its system fast enough. Some of
this pus gets into the meat of the pig.
14) According to Jewish law, pork is one of a
number of foods forbidden from consumption by
Jews. These foods are known as "non-kosher"
foods. In order for a meat to be kosher, it must
first come from a kosher animal. A kosher animal
must be a ruminant and have split hooves -
therefore cows, sheep, goats and deer are all
kosher, whereas camels and pigs (having each
only one sign of kashrut) are not kosher.
15) Quran, Holy book of Muslims also prohibits
consumption of pork.
"He has made unlawful for you that which dies of
itself and blood and the flesh of swine and that
on which the name of any other than Allah has
been invoked. But he who is driven by necessity,
being neither disobedient nor exceeding the limit,
then surely, Allah is Most Forgiving, Merciful."
Quran 2:173
I cannot understand why anyone would eat it.
You might as well vacuum all day and then take
the vacuum bag and make a nice soup out of it.
" Of course our Creator has given us the health
laws through the Holy Quran and not eating pigs
is even CLEARLY mentioned in the Bible (Leviticus
11:07)
But some humans think they are more intelligent
than the Creator so they choose...

I had posted this same topic before but it didn't make fp... I wonder what criteria was used to put this same story on fp now...? Bunch of wackos.

www.nairaland.com/2344839/what-child

"I will keep on searching till I find....", but person wey sing that song don die... I wonder whether him find weitin loss.

Are there still ladies like this in this country?!

GUYS!!
A queen doesn't want swag she wants class. She
doesn't
want Wizkid she
wants frank Edoho....she doesn't want Rick
Ross.....she
wants Obama.
Learn to have a life...dont live other peoples
life....I still see
guys
saying they're the "baddest guy that ever
liveth"....some are
over 30
years and are Wizkid aspirants or even Davido
aspirants.
They don't
have a job...but they know all the places parties
are
done...they have
been to all the clubs...they have been to all
birthday
functions. They
don't read books that can change lifes...some
dont have a
bank
account...some dont have a library....some dont
even know
what a
seminar is....some go to church to charge their
phones....they don't
listen to the pastor..
"
Being a big boy is not in wearing sunshade, pencil
trousers, holding Blackberry, iphone, ipad or
Galaxy, and
cross your
leg,....being a big boy is that there is need and
people are
looking for
who can solve it, who can be called to handle it
that will
deliver, even
when they call your number and did not get you
on phone,
they come
looking for you in your house,...being a Big Boy is
being
RELEVANT.
"
I know a friend that goes to christ embassy just
cause the
pastor will
say hug your neighbour and he always search for
the
prettiest and
endowed girls...I dont know how that add value to
his life.
You cant
sleep with all the girls and go scot free....you cant
waste
peoples lives
and think yours will be spared you cant make
women cry
and think
you will always smile....a man reaps what he sows.
"
Use your time to
read books. Use your time to work on yourself as
an
individual. Use
your time to go to seminars....use your time to sit
with
scholars....not
with people who discuss football like its their
calling. Be
with people
who wants to go somewhere...who want to sit
with
kings...who add value
to your life. Your queen should be proud not
being laughed
at cause
all the lady friends she has, has been with you.
"
Having 200 girlfriends
has never been and will not be an achievement.
Achieve
socially,academically,financially. Love the Lord
and he will
love you
too.

OK.. So I decided to hangout with Chilli(a Portharcourt based rapper) and Charlie(a friend) at Offor's crib. Mid way into the "clouding" session, when all eyes seem to look like Chinese, this song by fetty wap came on and the beat blew me away... "Chilli", I yelled, "we gon pounce on that beat"... Two weeks later, Oluwa dey dia was made. Dope!. Download and lemme know wat u think.


DOWNLOAD EASTER: http://
www.sharebeast.com/lujuzkay22bi (easter mp3).

Lawyers should never ask a Georgia grandma a
question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting
attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly,
elderly woman to the stand. He approached her
and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She
responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr.
Williams. I've known you since you were a boy,
and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to
me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you
manipulate people and talk about them behind
their backs. You think you're a big shot when you
haven't the brains to realise you'll never amount
to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.
Yes, I know you.'
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else
to do, he pointed across the room and asked,
'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defence attorney?'
She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr.
Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy,
bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't
build a normal relationship with anyone, and his
law practice is one of the worst in the entire state.
Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three
different women. One of them was your wife. Yes,
I know him.'
The defence attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counsellors to approach the
bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,
'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me,
I'll send you both to the electric chair.

Doctors sha... So full of themselves. I think I'd Prefer to be a herbalist.

Governor El Rufai in the News:
According to an eye witness account, Governor
Nasir El Rufai of Kaduna state took his son who
fell ill to the Barau Dikko Hospital yesterday in the
morning at about 5:30am. He met the Nurse on
call but the Doctor on duty was no where to be
found. The Governor then asked the Nurse for
the Doctor's phone number.
El Rufai thereafter called the Doctor told him that
he is at his working place with a patient that
needs medical attention.
The doctor unaware that he was speaking with
the Governor told him that he cannot come now,
that he either wait for another doctor or take his
patient somewhere else.
Mallam El Rufai responded by telling the Doctor
that his patient is in a very bad shape and need
urgent attention. The doctor replied saying, "I
have given you the options available, well it is left
for you to choose which ever suits you."
At this juncture, Governor Nasir El Rufai asked the
doctor, "do you know who is talking with you?"
And the doctor said, "Yes, someone who brought
a patient to the hospital to see a doctor."
At this point, El Rufai introduced himself as the
Executive Governor of Kaduna state.
Immediately El Rufai mentioned his name, the
doctor dropped the call and rushed to the
hospital. The doctor passed the governor who
drove to the hospital in his private car without a
convoy.
On arrival at his office, the doctor was told that
the Governor has just left, but he left a message
that whenever the doctor arrive, he should see
him at his office in Kashim Ibrahim Government
House...
Na so Doctor take book appointment with
Gomina El Rufai ooooooo.....

Called from: https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10153317931809020&id=725299019&refid=28&_ft_=qid.6161269099502397196%3Amf_story_key.1324746273402764047&__tn__=%2As

So while APC were rejoicing, PDP were actually plotting... Hmmmmm, pretty cool... Let's watch how this all plays out.

Every Man wants his lady’s breast firm and accross the world most ladies are keying into cosmetic surgery to retain and maintain this shape. So we all then must know what is involved and what it takes. As we get older, the skin on the body would start to shrink and develop wrinkles. This would be mainly due to the reduction in tissue buildup beneath the skin. And one of the main areas of the body that seem to experience this effect in women is the chest (the breasts in women).



What Is Breast Sagging?

Also called as Ptosis, sagging breasts is a common occurrence in many women above 40 years of age. But that does not mean younger women would stay safe from the condition altogether. The breasts are made up of a number of muscles and tissues. With time, these muscles and tissues would start to shrivel, thereby causing the breasts to shrink in size and sag. Gravity would also cause large breasts to sag in addition to other factors like improper clothing, lifestyle changes and hormonal surges.

Things like ageing, smoking, pregnancy, and excessive exercise can steal away an important part of your beauty and look. Although sagging breasts are unavoidable with age, there are certain ways you can prevent the extent of sagging.

Here are some of the most common remedies that would help your breasts from sagging;

EFFECTIVE USE OF BRA;

Although the feeling of not wearing a bra would be quite comforting, going braless for long periods can cause your breasts to droop with time. Without a bra to support the weight of the breasts, the breast tissues would stretch with time and eventually cause the breasts to sag. Wearing a bra is considered good for the health and shape of your breasts, prolonged use of the same can put you at an increased risk of developing breast cancer. A tight bra designed to hold your breasts in place would curb the flow of lymphatic fluids within them.



This in turn would cause the breast tissues to retain the toxins that would have been washed away by the lymphatic fluids otherwise. Increase in the levels of toxins inside the breast tissues could cause breast cancer. The best way to get through this hurdle is to work out a ‘win-win’ situation wherein you wear a bra for not more than 12 hours a day. Remove the bra while sleeping or relaxing to promote blood and fluid flow through the region.

Most of the times breasts sag due to incorrect choices made while purchasing bras. Choosing the right bra size and cup shape would play a very important role in preventing your breasts from sagging. Choose a supportive bra that is neither too tight nor too loose but fits your breasts perfectly. If possible, try on a few bras before you decide on the one that fits you best.

Don’t rush when wearing your bra. Take some time to straighten out the straps that might be twisted, and arrange the cup properly beforehand so that it sits properly on your breast. The best way to wear a bra would be to lean forward when slipping it on. This way, your breasts would be perky and centered, and would fit right into the cups when you slip on the bra. Attempting to stuff your breasts into the cups would only cause discomfort and in some cases pain.

MAINTAIN AN OPTIMUM WEIGHT;

The breasts are made up of fatty tissues in addition to several other tissues, glands and nerves. The fatty tissues in the breasts would usually be present either deep within the breasts (along with the glands) or just below the skin. While the fatty tissue present within the breasts does not pose a risk, it is the tissue that collects under the skin that can cause breasts to sag with time.

Gaining and losing weight repetitively would stretch the breast tissues permanently, thereby causing the outer skin to stretch as well. This would cause the breasts to sag eventually. Maintaining an optimum weight, however, would prevent this from happening. So stop trying to add on weight only to lose it later on. Maintain an optimum weight that complements your height as my woman will always say.

REGULAR EXERCISE;

Even though the breasts are made up of only tissues and no muscles, regular exercises can help build up the pectorals by improving blood supply to the region. This in turn can prevent breasts from sagging in addition to making them firmer and perkier. If you have large breasts, you would need to take extra measures to make sure that they don’t bounce too much while exercising. An easy way to prevent this is to wear a good quality sports bra while exercising.



This would prevent your breasts from moving too much while exercising and prevent them from drooping All the push-ups in the world can’t reduce the droop—since breasts are made up of fat, not muscle—and so technically there’s nothing to tighten and tone.

But chest exercises can help improve the appearance of your pectoral area by strengthening surrounding ligaments, including Cooper’s ligaments, which in turn may make your girls look more lively.

REGULAR BREAST MASSAGING

This is the particularly good, especially for couples. Massaging your breasts would offer you three advantages. It would help you spot any anomalies like lumps that could possibly lead to more serious conditions later on. It would help improve breast health by releasing lymphatic fluids that might have stagnated in a particular area. And it would help lift up sagging breasts and re shape them properly.

Make it a point to massage your breasts regularly. Use a good quality breast massage oil or cream for better results. Opt for natural products over synthetic ones that could cause unnecessary side effects

EMBRACE A HEALTHY LIFE STLYE;

If you want your breasts to remain perfect, you would need to kick a few habits out of the door, with the main one being ‘smoking’. Smoking can cause premature wrinkles to appear on the skin. It can also break down the collagen fibers present underneath the skin, thereby reducing elasticity with time. Smoking would cause the same effect on your breasts. With time (and continued smoking), the collagen fibers and tissues present beneath the skin would lose its elasticity and start stretching. This would in turn cause your breasts to sag.

Stay Healthy!!!

Hahahahaha
1. If your woman catches you looking at another
woman, turn to her and say "sweetheart, I’m glad
you
don’t dress like that.”
2. Nigerian parents are confused. They'll beat
their
kids with the intent of making them cry and then
start
beating them again to stop them from crying.
3. Guys, When A Girl Say You Are The BEST MAN In
Her Life, Don't Be Surprised To See Yourself
Standing
Beside Her Husband On Her Wedding
Day.
4. The downfall of A Man is when he Moves From
BBM to 2go.
5. Guys always complaining about girls that are
looking for Rich
men, you sef hustle and be a rich man let girls
find
you too.
6. Very soon mtn will be Like Do you know there
are
people in your village that don't want you to
succeed?
Quickly text "thunder fire
them"to 33505.
7. if your boyfriend is like 10 years older than
u, just stop calling him baby. and start calling him:
Uncle Bae, Brother Boo, Sir Baby
8. Those that use spoon to eat Eba are our major
problem in this
country.
9. It is only in Nigeria that you'll see a notice
board
say "man
wanted with 40 Years experience, must be aged
25
10. Being a good person is like being a goal
keeper,
no matter how many goals u Save...People will
only
remember the ones You missed.
11. India has never been to the World Cup
because
FIFA won't
allow them sing and dance for 20 minutes after
every
goal.
12. Girls please Your boyfriend should not be
your
source of income everyday. Cos it's only a
relationship, not a job opportunity.
13. someone will just die with an Afro in Nigeria
movie and his spirit will come back with a low cut.
So
Barbing salon dey that side?
14. Strangling your wife for making indomie as
dinner is not domestic violence, it is self- defense
15. How Can You Chase a GIRL for 4 Years. Is she
your University Degree?
16. New ways of crossing roads in Nigeria, check
sideways 4 motors, & look up 4 plane-crash, &
look
down 4 bomb, & look back 4 kidnapp, and now
run
zig~zig 2 dodge bullets.

Congrats bro... I am next, Amen.

Good one, guys. Kim Kardashian sparked an
Internet frenzy on Sunday, May 31, when she
revealed in a teaser for Keeping Up With the
Kardashians that she's pregnant and expecting
her second child with husband Kanye West.

The news was met with well wishes, of course, but
also with an explosion of jokes on Twitter. Or,
rather, one joke, repeated over and over and
over again -- that the baby would (or should) be
named South West, to go with the couple's nearly
2-year-old daughter North West.

Within just a couple of hours after the midseason
finale of KUWTK aired on E!, "South West" was a
top 10 trending topic on Twitter, both worldwide
and in the United States.

If Kim and Kanye don't name the next one South
West, then what are we all doing here?
— Sharron Paul (@Sharronica) June 1, 2015.

If Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's new baby
isn't named South West then what's the point
— Professor Snape (@_Snape_) June 1, 2015.

Kim K pregnant again? Here comes South West.
— Captain Pajamas (@CaptainPajamas) June 1,
2015.

Kim & Kanye having another baby?...what will it
be named? East West, South West, West West?!
We'll find out, next time on Dragon Ball
Z...??
— Khalil Underwood (@RealKhalilU) June 1, 2015.

I wonder if Kim and Kanye are going to name
their new kid South West... You know Kim would
do it for the free flights.
— IG: PeteyPlastic (@PeteyPlastic) June 1, 2015.

Kim Kardashian is pregnant again?? I think it'd be
cool if she called this baby: South by South West
— sWooZie (@sWooZ1e) June 1, 2015.

The rumours are true! @KimKardashian? and
@KanyeWest? are expecting baby number two.
Who else is taking bets on South West as a name?
— Sunday Style (@Sunday_Style) June 1, 2015.

As of late Sunday evening, however, Kardashian
herself had yet to join the conversation. She
teased the "exciting news" in a tweet prior to the
episode, but went silent on social media just
minutes before the teaser aired on the East
Coast.

The 34-year-old reality star has been vocal over
the last year about her struggles to conceive, even
telling her doctor during the midseason finale
that she was "so over" trying to get pregnant.
"Like, I'm exhausted, so I'm sure everyone gets to
that point," she said. "I'm like, 'Okay, I'm done.'"

https://m.yahoo.com/w/legobpengine/frontpage/celebrity/news/kim-kardashian-pregnant-everyone-internet-made-exact-same-042500278-us-weekly.html?.b=%2Findex&.intl=us&.lang=en

Close down the school, I guess....!!!

Your Daughter comes Back from school looking
like. this and you ask her who did this to you she
said her teacher and you fellowed her to school
the next day to ask the teacher and the only
reason the teacher gave you is that she is too
stubborn that she want to teach her a little lesson
what will you do to the Teacher don't lie........?!!!

Record labels out there this is an alert!.I see no Reason why this dudes are unsigned.with such top notch production and flow.This south east based rappers Miracle and Ojay are like the Nigerian version of American super star duo jay-z and kanye.be rest assured they'll blow your minds.To download new music from miracle and ojay.DOWNLOAD EASTER: http://www.sharebeast.com/lujuzkay22bi (easter mp3). DOWNLOAD STREET: http://www.sharebeast.com/bgy9el8dzpa6 (street). listen and let me know if am wrong with my comparisoms. oj2chi@yahoomail.com