₦airaland Forum

Na Afghanistan weed him smoke... Lollzzzzz.

Arsenal fans... I came across this formation from Premier Football page on FB. What do you think? This formation plus prayers and fasting on the mountain.

I hope say him sweep am after cutting?! If Eradication of corruption na by cutting beards, that means our president had better open a national barbing saloon.

Mprepz:
that moment you buy ticket only for the artist come and sing rubbish

and pour you water

Lwkmd

eremy:
Your areas of interest, please?

Eremy, please I need a job, currently is kaduna but willing to relocate. I have a B.Sc in Accountancy. Any suitable opening will be highly appreciated. God bless your hustle.

I put it to you that this comment by our very own nairalander, hooli, has been tagged to be the most "annoyingly hilarious" comment on nairaland... oh boy, you go scroll die! If you doubt, post yours.



I want to take this opportunity to send shout out
greetings to:
My mom
My dad
My sister
My brother
My nephew
My nieces
My aunts
My uncles
My cousins
My grandmother
My grandfather
My great grandfather
My great grandmother
My great great grandfather
My great great grandmother
My friends
My father in law to be
My mother in law to be
My brothers in law to be
My sisters in law to be
My crazy friends
My dogs
My puppies
My tortoise
My toothbrush
My toothpaste
My warm bed
My pillow
My laptop
My television
To my pastor
To my people
To captain Price
To Black November
To Die hard
To mission impossible
To captain America
To Fast&Furious
To the last ship
To last resort
To under the dome
To Empire
To lucious
To akeem
To Barrack Obama
To Buhari
To Jonathan
To patience
To ajimobi
To FIFA 14
To FIF15
To FIFA16
To PES16
To God Of War
To Call Of Duty
To Assassins Creed
To Splinter Cell
To Mortal Kombat
To Need For Speed
To Gabriel iglesias
To john cena
To avicii
To tiesto
To steve aoki
To max vengali
To martin garix
To aly and fila
To messi(lost his touch
To neymar (needs a new hair cut)
To Asamoah Gyan (goodbye)
To Agogo (how is the gym business? )
To Suarez(hope ur teeth still sharp)
To Olele (sure u'r still 27)
To Muntari (Keep slapping the Gh Fa)
To KPB (hope you're still a footballer)
To all the "CH's"
To Thibaut Courtois (the best keeper)
To Ramires
To John Terry
To Falcao
To Cahill
To Remy
To Willian
To Matic
To Fabregas
To Ivanovic
To Robben's Penalty
To Ronaldinho
To Hazard
To Eden
To Eden Hazard (best in the world)
To Diego Costa
To Oscar
To Jose Morinho
To Peter Cech (good bye)
To Stephen Appiah
To Osei Kuffour
To Frank Lampard
To Christian Atsu
To Manchester City
To borussia dortmund
To Borussia munchengladbach
To Juventus
To inter
To AC milan
To candy crush
To atletico
To chicago fire
To chivas usa
To lakers
To bulls
To spurs
To raiders
To cardinals
To george bush
To obama
To Fidel Castro
To hitler
To Osama bin laden
To nosterdamus
To leonardo da vincii
To Memphistopheles
To Galileo
To the extraterrestrials
To Tony Montana
To the x files
To Law and Order
To the special victims unit
To prison break
To Chuck
To Under The Dome
To Davinci Demons
To The Last Ship
To Power
To Fast & Furious Crew
To the blacklist crew
To fish
To lincoln
To the twin towers
To florida
To california
To Las vegas
To NY
To the hippies
To the Hipster in New york
To the emos
To the rockers
To the skaters
The homeless
The druggies
To cocain
To dope
To MJ
To hermione granger
To Harry Potter
To ron
To genie
To professor lupin
To sirius black
To He who must not be named(voldemort)
To neville
To hedwig
To severus snape(turn to oage 394)
To albus dumbledore
To Fred
To percy
To the horocruxes
To the deathly hollows
To the basilisk
To the big bang theory
To peppa pig
To george
To the dinosaaa
To papa pig
To momy pig
To pheneas and ferb
To scooby doo
To Clearence who saved the day
To Dora the explorer
To I Carly
To johny Bravo
To Gibby
To Starbuck
To Mc Donalds
To Burger King
To no reservation
To parts unknown
TO ANTHONY BOURDAIN. (Who i think is in Beirut)
To JEREMY WADE ( such an awesome program)
To man vs wild
To Unclad and afraid
To the monkey boy from Uganda
To the dog girl from Ukrain
To the chicken girl of Fiji
To ancient aliens( I can't remember the guy's name lol)
To call of the wild man
To gas monkey
To kyle from. South park
To the koala from american dad (i cant remember the name)
To Peter Griffin
To louis Griffin
To steve Griffin
To meg ryan
To alien sam
To daintee
To miss beckline
To noble king
To sir drizzle
To Ay
To cv ramani
To onye
To zino
To Amaka
To chineye
To WUNMI
To Toryo
To dami
To john toyosi
To v.c
To Cleveland
To Adult swim
To boomerang
To goku
To goku phase 2
To goku phase 3
To goku phase 4
To gohan
To trunks
To piccoro
To goten
To PAN
To bryan
To chichi
To sheinlong
To vegeta
To android 16
To android 17
To android 18
To drake&josh
To spongebob
To sponge bob episode "have u seen this Snail"
To sponge bob episode "club spongebob"
To the sponge bob episode "Pizza Deliver" ( one of my favorite)
To patrick
To squidward
To sandy cheeks
To mrs puff
To gary
To MR crabs
To pearl
To okankton
To the crusty crab
To the chum bucket
To MR bubbles
To larry
To kevin
To monroe
To neptune
To the crabby patties
To the flying Dutchmen
To Naruto
To Sasuke
To Kakashi
To one piece
To luffy
To the avatar ANG
To avatar kioshi
To avatar roku
To soka
To Katara
To Momo
To apa( the flying bison)
The the fire nation
To prince zuko
To the water nation
To the air benders
To BATO of the water tribe
To police man & woman(1gh bribe)
To hulk
To batman
To spider man
To captain america
To ironman
To the load of poo I dropped yesterday
To Harry Potter part 1
To Harry Potter part 2
To Harry Potter part 3
To Harry Potter part 4
To Harry Potter part 5
To Harry Potter part 6
To Harry Potter part 7
To harry potter part 8( oh poo there's no part 8 whatever)
To facebook
To whatsapp
To mark Zuckerberg
To steve jobs
To Uncle Mugabe
To the iphones
To the androids
To the germans
To the chinese
To the brazilians
To the mexicans
To the Americans
To the harley road king
To the hayabusa (the fastest bike in the world)
To google
To wrangler
To bing
To E-Bay
To Twitter
To my space
To YOUTUBE
To snapchat
To Candy soda
To Subwaysurfer
To Safari
To Mobogenie
To the Play Store
Infact to your dp
To the funny names
To the emmh, emmh emmmh
To Kenya
To Nigeria
To Sierra Leone
To Lesotho
To bella kute
To the maame water who took Castro
To the 'tu gu me so' guy
To Tweaa DCE we need another funny clip
To Asiedu Nketia
To Nana Akuffo Addo
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa
To William Beached
To Wilhelm Nietzche
To Wild Soyinka
To Chinua Achebe
To Amos Tutuola
To Christopher Okigbo
To Le Non Gustavo
To Sun Tzu
To Robert Greener
To Niccolo Machiaveli
To Voltaire
To Mark Twain
To D.A Fagunwa
To Adebayo Faleti
To Chimamanda Adichie
To Olá Rotimi
To Cyprian Ekwensi
To Hubert Ogunde
To Camaraderie Late
To Ferdinand Oyono
To J.P Clark
To Baba Obasanjo
To Chief Awolowo
To Sir Bellows
To sir Balewa
To sir Azikiwe
To chief Akintola
To Thomas Sankara
To Nelson Mandela
To Nyere
To Nkrumah
To Leopold Senghor
To Lumumba
To all NCNC, NPP, NPC, NADECO, AG, NNDP, NEPU affiliates,
To all the generals that took power
To all civilians who looted us
To the new Ooni
To the emits of Lank
Kaduna
Katsina
Daura
Sambisa
Borno
Sambisa
Kebbi
Kanem
To the Ataoja of Oshogbo
Oba of Benin
Oba of Lagos
Osemawe of Ondó
Alaafin of Oyo
Zaaki of Arigidi
Alaketu of Keying
Onisabe of Isabella
Onipopo of Popped
Asin of Oka
Owa of Ikare
Deji of Akure
Olowo of Owo
Obi of Onitsha
Ajero of Ijero
To Owarangun Again
To Olófin Àdìmúlà himself
To Onire of Ire
To Olukoso of Kosovo
Emir of Ilorin
To Jonathan, Mama Peace and her fellow widows

And Finally to Buhari justs so you know, I have light today ...and to you
too.





Like seriously?!

I don't know if you guys have read this, but it got me cracking!


A man and his wife were traveling to Italy by air, as
they were at the peak of the journey, the pilot
announced that: “Ladies and gentlemen, we are
sorry to announce that one of the engines has
stopped working while the remaining one is not
functioning as required therefore, we may
crash in a few minutes from now. We advise that
everyone should reconcile with God and settle every
issues that need to be settled.”
At that point, Mr. Manji touched his wife Ellista
and said “Honey, please forgive me ooooo, your
sister Simi that stays with us is my sex machine,
we had several abortions she has even planned to
poison you on our returned from Italy so that the
both of us will elope for the U.S.A please find a place
in heart to forgive me. She responded
“No problem dear” She continue, “since it’s a
confession moment, let me also confess. Please you
must also forgive me oooo, John and Esther among
our three children are not your
biological children. Your biological child is Victoria
the rest belong to Eti Your best friend. You also
remember you were rubbed by arm robbers last
year?” He answered “Yes I remember” she continues
“I actually set you up by some gangs who robbed you
because I needed to pay for my boy-friend Albrass’
tuition fee. He got admission in Oxford
University in England. Even now as we are talking, I
have arranged for your death through hired
assassins on our return.” Mr. manji responded “no
problem I have forgiven you.”
Meanwhile as the confessions were going on,
the pilot announced again. “Ladies and gentlemen, is
like you people are powerful men/women of
faith because, God has answered your prayers, the
two engines are perfectly ok and we are sure of safe
landing”
At that point, the whole passengers became
mute instead of celebrating the good news. One of
the passengers shouted “Pilot, Pilot, this plane
must crash ooooooo
or we will crash the plane”
everybody echoed “YES oooooooo”
# icant stop this tears

I wonder what you've experienced to develop such instincts. This goes out to all those who are claiming to be ready for another civil war... hmmmm.

Its a harmless Carlifonia Garter Snake. Would you keep it as a pet?!

YES or NO.

swaggzo:
THE ONLY PROBLEM IS. .. THIS CAN'T HAPPEN THE OPPOSITE WAY.


NOT EVEN AN INSANE AFRICAN WOMAN WOULD WANNA BE WITH A WHEELCHAIR-SITTING MAN....


GENDER EQUALITY, YOU EVEN EXIST?
WHERE?

I swear, that is a fat lie... my guy Abiola, has been crippled since birth, but is presently married. Beautiful wife ooo, no be joke.

Lollzzzzz... this was how my university days were supposed to look like.

I just got this text from the above company.


You are invited for an interview for the position of FRONT DESK OFFICER.
Venue:CRESCENT DIAGNOSTICS,Plot 6,Niger Drive, GRA Onitsha Anambra state
Date:2nd Nov,2015
Time:12noon
Pls come with your detailed CV&Passport photograph.


Who else got this text? And anybody with a useful information about the company should please help out. Thanks.

Lollzzzzz, this one Na incredible hulk ooo.

And so I realized I've stared at this photo continuously without know what to call it. I Don laugh tire.

Lol #ZuluTruth

I laugh scatter...

Hilarious... the bathroom breaks though!!!

Does that bank even exist nationwide? Hmmmmm I smell 15k job. Abeg I'm through with all that shiiiiii.... my signature has proved it. CheckitOut and thank me later.

Him for just date her Na... olodo popsi forming new generation of fathers association. Mtchewwwww.... my signature has changed me. Checkout and thank me later.

Hahahahahahahahahahahha... that one Na serious joke o. Meanwhile my signature has answered my prayers. Checkout and thank me later.

If she loves someone else, I simply do the needful, let her keep him. Meanwhile, y'all need to check my signature and thank me later.

My opinion is... while searching for your dream job, why not just make cool cash with your mobile phones as well? Just check out my signature. You'd be amazed.

Hmmm... this is serious... anyways, reached my target. Getting ready to smile to the bank. check my signature

Lollzzzzz.z... more like scanning the country for viruses... oh boy me de my house de make my money with my phone joor... check my signature.

The men eyes de red... just as my eyes been de red before I cash my first $900 from money wey I make through my phone. Check mah signature men, you go believe.

2KM walk? I dey waka go Canaan land? Abeg I rather make cool cash with my phone, from home. Check my signature joor.

Writing of exam for chics was part of what we call "car washing" in my days... anyways, I wash car small before I start ride... but now I get cool cash with my mobile device so they look for me. Check my signature.

Yes oooo... I Don apply... I hope this works out. Though I still make my cash. Check my signature. No dulling. #runsOffWithMyPrayerBooklet#

Nigeria girls be like...

The Leventis Foundation (Nigeria) is a charitable company of the A. G. Leventis Group dedicated to the training of farmers in modern and sustainable agricultural practices and rational use of natural resources.
The Foundation has been naming agricultural training for youths and farmers since 1987 and currently has six schools in the different agro-ecological zones of Nigeria. The schools located in the FCT, Osun, Ondo, Kaduna, Kano and Gombe states are co-financed by Leventis Foundation and the respective State Governments, All the Schools offer training to young people (male and female) desirous of making a good career in fanning. The comprehensive one-year training exposes the participants to several areas of agriculture and other farm businesses.

Leventis Foundation Agricultural Schools Admission to a one-year Training Programme in Modern Agriculture
The objective of the training, which is FREE OF ALL COSTS, is to create in Nigeria. generations of committed young practical farmers who will act as catalysts for agricultural revolution in their communities.

Admission is open to both male and female candidates. Tuition and boarding (including feeding) is provided free of charge for successful candidates throughout the duration of the course.

Admission Requirements
Applicants should fulfill the following conditions among others:

Be physically fit
Ability to read and write in English (evidence of minimum of junior secondary school may be required)
Aged between 18 and 35 years
Pass both written and oral test prior to final selection
Should demonstrate perceivable interest in agriculture
Proof of a farming background is an advantage
Application Closing Date
13th November, 2015

Method of Application
Application in applicant’s own hand writing including concrete information in respect of each of the above requirements together with a letter signed by the Chairman or Secretary of the candidates Local Government of Origin, or an attestation letter from a Justice of Peace (JP), two (2) recent passport size photographs, three (3) references and photocopies of academic qualification(s) or relevant documents should be forwarded to any of the addresses below, preferably, to the school of choice:

1.) Leventis Foundation/Osun State
Agricultural Training School
Imo, P.M.B. 5074,
Ilesa,
Osun State.

2.) Leventis Foundation/Kaduna State
Agricultural Training School,
Dogon Dawa,
Birini Gwari LG,
P.M.B 1047,
Zaria,
Kaduna State.

3.) Leventis Foundation/Kano State
Agricultural Training School
Panda, Albasu Local Government,
P.M.B. 3555,
Kano,
Kano State.

4.) Leventis Foundation/Gombe State
Agricultural Training School,
Tumu, Akko Local Government,
Gombe State.

5) Leventis Foundation/Federal Capital Territory
Agricultural Training School
Yaba, Abaji Area Council
P.M.B. 001,
Abaji,
Federal Capital Territory.

6.) Leventis Foundation/Ondo State
Agricultural Training School
Ido-Ani,
Ondo State.

7.) The General Manager (Technical & Training)
Leventis Foundation Nigeria Ltd/Gte
2, Leventis Close,
Central Business District,
P.O. Box 20351,
Garki, Abuja.
FCT.

Note:

Screening/ Examination comes up on Saturday 14th November, 2015.
In addition to the regular one-year training, all Leventis Foundation (Nig) schools offer a variety of vocational targeted short courses in several aspects of farming e.g. Poultry Production, Vegetable Production, Bee-Keeping and Honey Production, Fish farming, Mushroom Production etc.

www.freshcareerjobs.com/107958/leventis-foundation-agricultural-schools-admission-20152016-academic-session?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed:+No1GlobalCareerPortal+(+No+1+Global+Career+Portal