₦airaland Forum

JigsawKillah:
smh
you dull sha
considered and compared na the same?
goat

mehn so we still get blind people on naira....mehn dis is great....mr blind where do u see compared....or dnt u kw d meaning of consider i guess u should go bak to primary sch for words and meaning...or do u tink am daft as u do..

JigsawKillah:
EPL no get El clasico boy
no go dey waste your time

i dnt blame u...am d 1 u're calling boy right?....well u call also call ur fada boy..#no offence

Whc of dz matches wud u consider as d Epl's
El-classico??
Man utd vs Chelsea
Liverpool vs Man city
Arsenal vs Chelsea
Man utd vs Liverpool
Chelsea vs Man city
Liverpool vs Chelsea
Arsenal vs Man utd.....add urs if nt included.
4 me,i had go 4 MANCITY VS CHELSEA

Nigeria is a country where:
* Weddings must always be on saturday.
* You must always put on native to weddings
* When one has any problem, it's "Ise aye"...
Then I asked myself, "Se 'aye' no dey abroad
ni"...lol
* People using Android and BlackBerry still
dey find cheat up and down.
* Singlet na our danfo drivers uniform.
* It's guys responsibility to always buy gifts
for their girls. (Chai!)
* Where terrorist fit upload over 57 minutes
video from the forest on YouTube, and we
wey dey city no go fit upload 1 minute video
(Se I no go pack my load go forest like this?)
* Where Maths teachers be like, "Example, 2
2=4". "Then home work, 2*2/2*48x 3b=?".
(Chai... Maths teachers, no be so you give us
for the example na.)
* Where Public schools is better than Private
schools... Chai!
* Where some people will finish reading this
and laugh, then their hand go pain them to
drop comment or like... Lol

ATOMIC BOMB (FART) It's 8.30a.m in the
morning and I was still sleeping, was
it due to the party I attended last night or the
ogogoro I
drank in mama Bukky's joint? I guess no cos
I am found
of sleeping. Deep inside my sleep I had a
heavy knock on my door,
it was mama's voice, "òle omo
alapamasise" (Lazy boy)
can't you look at the time you are still
sleeping? when
your mates are out there making money, my
mother
shouted from the door of my room. Her voice
woke me
up in anger and I had no choice than to get
up because she will not stop knocking until
she sees me outside. I finally got up and
went straight to the sitting room,
good morning ma! I uttered in a boned face,
my mum
just hissed and walked out of the sitting
room. Who cares? I quickly rushed to the
kitchen to serve my
hungry stomach but no food in the kitchen
except for
the remains of beans left over last night. I
had no choice than to eat it. Hmmmm! beans
again? you this boy, I said to myself.
Yes I don't like beans because I am not
always
comfortable anytime I eat beans, but what
else will I
eat? Nothing. After eating the little beans, I
was not yet satisfied...oh
God!!! Why this woman no cook? I asked
myself in anger. Then something quickly
came to my mind, Bola! yes
Bola my long time girlfriend. There is no day I
visit her that she won't feed me to my
satisfaction. So I made up my mind to visit
her, I quickly sent her "pls
call me" from my phone. Can't u call her? a
voice asked me. Call wetin? When I
don't have kobo in my pocket 'talkless' of
credit to flash
or call. Mtcheww!!! Silly MTN, when will they
start giving free
calls during the day? "awon oloshi" when will
dis
"mumu girl" saying (your account balance is
too low for
this call) die? so we can start making free
calls, abegii;
na dem sabi jare. After two minute, Bola
called me and I told her I will be
visiting her this morning and she told me she
is
expecting me. Early monday morning, you
dey go woman house, you
dis guy know dey shame, but wetin man pikin
go do as
I know get job nko? I have
graduated since two years back with a
second upper in
Accounting but all my effort to get a job is
fruitless... 'No
be Nigeria'?, If you don't have link with top
people in office you can't get a job, what a
Nation. After thinking about my jobless life for
a while, I quickly
rush to the bathroom to clean up and get
ready for
Bola's house. It's now 9.35a.m and I am
ready to go. Chai!!! I will have to trek down to
Bola's house again, na
wa ooooo. As I was walking down to Bola's
house, I started
feeling little pain in my stomach... Not again!
the bean
had started mixing with my intestine. I know
the result of my taking beans but I had no
choice. Finally I arrived her house and with
immediate effect
she served me 'moi moi' and pap(ogi). Huh...
beans
again, no prob. After eating, she asked me to
join her family in the
parlor to watch movie so I did. Her father,
mother, two sisters and two visitors were
all in the sitting room together with me and
Bola. This time around the beans I ate at
home and the moi
moi Bola gave me started mixing with full
speed in my
stomach. I knew where the result is going but
I locked up. After few minute Bola's dad
polluted loudly dat
everybody heard the sound and knew the
direction it
came from but we all pretended that we heard
nothing. Wow! this is an opportunity for me
to drop my atomic
bomb boiling and mixing in my stomach. I
dropped the first batch "fiiieeee fiiieee" (oh!
Oluwaseun na silent one). After few seconds,
the sitting room started smelling
dead rat and spoilt eggs. Even the air
fresheners that
were hanged around the sitting room couldn't
take the
smell, dey all fell from the wall to the floor. In
few seconds, another dropped from my
Bottom
"fuuuuuuuu" the smell started again, I noticed
that the
fishes in the aquarium had stop swimming
and the
paint in the sitting room started changing
colour. Bola: Daddyyyyy! Bola's dad: "Emi ko
oooo" (It's not me)... (staring at
Bola's Mum) that's when we noticed that
Bola's mum
had passed out! Ehnnn she was sitting next
to me but I didn't notice. Suddenly, the sound
of the falling fishes from the
aquarium woke her up, Yes! dis time around
the fishes
are all dead and the glass had broken in
pieces too. I quickly told Bola... "I am going"
and she nodded in
agreement. FIAMMM, see speed... Tomorrow
is another day!!! U can't imagine the havoc I
caused...Hmm

barcelona all the way

Who Knew Taye Taiwo Had Such A
Beautiful Wife?! See Lovely Photos Of
His Wife and Kids.

1)When Xavi was 19,he almost signed
for Milan:his father gave the "yes" to
him but his mother said "if Xavi leaves
Barca i will divorce!"
2)While Zlatan Ibrahimovich's youth
team were down by 4-0,he came on
as a substitute and scored 8 goals.
3)Juan Mata is the first player in
history to have joined Manchester
United from Chelsea.
4)Real Madrid have never won against
Liverpool.
5)Xherdan Shaqiri has won League
title in every year of his professional
career.
6)Alex Song has 27 siblings-17 sisters
and 10 brothers.
7)Ryan Giggs is the only Premier
League player to score a100
goals without scoring a hattrick.
Howard Webb is a police officer.
9)Cristiano Ronaldo was named after
former US President Ronald Reegan.
10)Steven Gerrard has swapped his
jersey with more than a
hundred players but never with a
Manchester United players

adeoyetayo1:
Do u no nigeria av president? U ar a big full I ever c in history ;DDo u no nigeria av president? U ar a big full I ever c in history

bcus u dnt respect ur parents does dat means u should do dsame here....i swear to d last dis jst 4 fun

bastien:
na only fool go see foolish post copy am come post am here....... no offence

i jst go through ur profile...so cnt reply ur ignorance

akashi01:
bros i think say na only me think am so

fools always tink in group....no offence

[quote author=armadeo post=27193813]Guy you have data. IG you needed information you should have used Google instead if some computer program spitting random irrelevant facta to you for 100 bucks a month



Goodluck escaping the clutches of Mtn. You will continue to pay this money till the end if time unless you stop using that sim. [

such can never happen to me....some one posted it on my fb and i copy and paste it here on nairaland jst to catch fun....ok!!!

akashi01:
'do you know foools exist on nairaland?'

mr observer who is d fool morover do u tink dis happen to me?....smhw post it on fb and i copy abd paste jst to catch fun

bastien:
Do u know mtn like mugu like u?

akashi01mugun like ur ancestor...foolish:
'do you know foools exist on nairaland?'

mr observer who is d fool morover do u tink dis happen to me?....some one post it on fb and i copy and paste jst to catch fun

MTN IS SO WICKED
I received a message from MTN this Morning
saying:"Know interesting facts about your
country. text
NIG to 32050... N100 per day"...and as a
good citizen
of Nigeria, I decided to know more facts
about my
country.
I subscribed and immediately they deducted
N100
from my account.
The first fact I received was:
"Do you know that the Nigeria national flag
has two
colours which are green and white". ( Cold
begin catch
me)
Secondly they sent:"Do you know that the
first letter
of Nigeria is
N?" ( I begin develop headache -}
Thirdly was:"Do you know that river Niger is
in
Nigeria?".
I've been crying since morning..What do you
think
might be the next fact pls i dey
vex..............need ur opinion pls

stages cocacola's bottle pass through

MissMalia: ar u telln me u didn't c d comic tone in my post...I neva meant any harm.btw,dt"ogini"reminded me of sum1...hmmm,I olp its nt u

a thread in nairaland(how dey get married through nairaland) i tink dey also started dis way

MissMalia: ar u telln me u didn't c d comic tone in my post...I neva meant any harm.btw,dt"ogini"reminded me of sum1...hmmm,I olp its nt u

a thread in nairaland(how dey get married through nairaland) i tink dey also started dis way

Kanwulia: I wish we could also see the DIEVORCE pictures too!
FORNICATION on NL
Marry on NL. . . .
Honeymoon on NL
OMUGUO on NL
Adultery on NL
STDS on NL

Sleep on NL
Phock on NL
DIE on NL

ASSASSINATED on NL
OBITUARY ON NL

Funeral by TEHN. . . . . .

NL THE GREAT!!!!!

We hail thee! What shall we ever do WITHOUT THEE?

nairaland has been nigeria baddest forum since 1821......u re a badt guy in deed

oga seun u no go tell ur moderator make dis make front page.....abi dem no be celebrity

so ona tink say na better per dey surpot chelsea

An unconfirmed report has it that one of the
duos of Taiwo and Kehinde Osuolale, the
popular mysterious twins, known as ‘Ibeji
Oran’ in Yoruba genre of Nollywood is
dead, Yoruba Movie Gist reported
The specific one who died among the twins
is yet to be ascertained as at press time
The mysterious twins who shot themselves
into limelight several years back when they
featured in the late Yekini Ajileye’s movie
and thereafter became instant celebrities.
The physically challenged twins often called
“Ibeji Oran” (Mysterious Twins), we learnt,
passed away in his home town in Osogbo,
Osun State. We shall keep you posted as
soon as we get the details.

uba named 'Best Transaction Bank' in Africa
Mon, 08 Sep 2014
The United Bank for Africa (UBA)'s efforts in
providing convenient banking platforms for
individuals and businesses again received
global endorsement and recognition recently
when it was named the 'Best Transaction
Bank' from Africa in 2014 by UK-based
magazine, The Banker. This is hinged on the
bank's e-banking platforms that have
positively changed the way businessesRead
MoreThe post UBA named 'Best Transaction
Bank' in Africa appeared first on The Sun
News. uba named 'Best Transaction Bank' in Africa
Mon, 08 Sep 2014
The United Bank for Africa (UBA)'s efforts in
providing convenient banking platforms for
individuals and businesses again received
global endorsement and recognition recently
when it was named the 'Best Transaction
Bank' from Africa in 2014 by UK-based
magazine, The Banker. This is hinged on the
bank's e-banking platforms that have
positively changed the way businessesRead
MoreThe post UBA named 'Best Transaction
Bank' in Africa appeared first on The Sun
News.

damn all dude dat sopport dix nnxemx

When musicians decided to wear their
trousers above their ankles (Michael
Jackson style) out of their own self desire
nobody cares. But let a Muslim wear his
trousers above his ankle, he is a fanatic or
fundamentalist. ..
When som1 wears a 3 piece suit &tie
under a scorching sun,
nobody is worried, it's his business; he is a
lawyer. But when
a Muslimah wears her hijab, everyone is
worried (isn't she feeling this heat!)...
When a professor decides to grow his
beard nobody is worried (it's his identity),
let a Muslim brother try it, he becomes a
threat for every1 around him (he is
unkempt).
When any of d musicians & wrestlers
wears the mask, nobody is worried (it's his
UNIQUE style of fame). But when a
Muslimah wears her niqab as commanded
by her Lord, they say she is oppressed &
marginalised.
Ladies brag about being concubines to
married men
& nobody cares, but if you as a Muslimah
dare tell ur folks
that you want to be a 2nd wife, be ready
for condemnations
When a child raised abroad comes home
and greets elders
without prostrating, bending or kneeling,
nobody is worried, they will say (awon ara
Ilu Oyinbo ). You try it as a Muslim or
Muslimah, you are uncultured, rude,
arrogant and u will get all sorts of insults.
When a non-Muslim woman decides not to
involve in time
consuming jobs because of her children, they
say she's a good
mother. But u just try it as a Muslimah, you
are lazy, stupid,
imprisoned and naive.
We just have to please Allah, regardless of
what pple think
about us.

Juma'ah mubaraq

Krak: Go back and read about the Israel and Palestinian conflict, the root causes and the complexities involved then you will understand what I mean.

Why come here and display your ignorance and immaturity by using expletives and insults.

I repeat again: The Israeli/Palestinian Conflict does not have a lasting solution that will bring long-term peace.

Thats an assignment for you, go and find out why.

Thank You.

village head master..i understand..but dats doessn't mean we should stop praying 4 dem

Krak: Some prayers cannot be answered. This is one of them.

do u kw wot pains me most..is wen some one posted rubbish due to his/her foolishness and some bingo start liking it...had it been u av experienced non-stop fight between 2 areas in ur state dat people jst got injured every day include u...am verry sure u wnt say dix rubbish.....damn u

MK Dons 4 - Man United 0
I used to think Louisa Van Girl Is a smart
Coach but its today I know He'S Very
FOOLISH! . You don't go to a club , change
their formation and expect them to adapt
to it immediately. He supposed to start
with their normal formation and slowly
integrate his own style. That way the
whole team will be able to adapt. Man
United Has Defence Problem. As a smart
coach , he ought to Use 4-2-3-1 where 2
holding midfielders will support the weak
defence but instead he opted for 3-5-2
and expect his team to win. This is premier
league bitch! Its not eredivise.
Man you will continue to struggle unless
van gaal changes formation.

Newiw85: .

see u..u tink say dis go make front page..damn it..u re jst waisting ur time

M4gunners: @Op, e go better for you.Help me tell those noise makers Chelshit Fans.

Amen..am nt machester united fan thou..but u people should wake up..and perform well dis season so dat those little chelsea fan no go dey talk anyhow

Chibok Parents Make Ultimate Sacrifice To
End Boko Haram –Tell Jonathan To Go
Ahead
The blessed parents of Nigeria’s 234
abducted Chibok Angels have made the
ultimate sacrifice to end Boko Haram terror
in Nigeria and rescue the nation from the
reign of the devil: Quoting their message
to President Jonathan:
“Parents of the abducted Chibok girls have
told President Jonathan and the Nigerian
Army to go ahead and end Boko Haram,
even if it endangers the lives of the girls.
They said they are ready to turn their
daughters into sacrificial lambs, if it will
end insurgency and the terror that Boko
Haram has being carrying out.”
READ MORE ...
http:/// GmkP14

Greatihex: @op, for your info, history has been removed from Nigeria's secondary sch. Syllabus.

so u be sec sch teacher....but u surpose dey Education section now..y are u here..dnt get 2 exicted dat i call u sec sch teacher....u are teaching private sch whr dey pay u 4,500 per month.....4 ur information and others am nt man.u Fan

AlBaqir: Your problem is evident; just like someone who judge muslims because of the bad deeds of Boko Haram and al-Qaeda. Judging Suffism by the bad eggs of certain "tijaniyyah, Qadiriyyah etc = IGNORANCE.

Who the hell are @underlined^ when Allah declares:
"...Truly, your Lord knows best who has gone astray from His Path, and He is the Best Aware of those who are guided
~Quran 16:125

Religiously speaking, Sufiism is not a separate group or sect. Sufiism is renunciation of the worlds and journeying the path of knowing God through purification of soul. Sufiism is in Sunnism, shiism etc. Socially speaking when they now come together as a movement, only then people tag them "the sufis".

Ulamas like Muhammad al-Ghazali, Jalaludeen Suyuti, Imam Subki, Imam AbdulQadri Jilani et al were all "sufis".

@Bolded, who are those, in your imaginations, that follow Sunnah? How come you limit the Sunnah of the prophet (peace be on him and his family) to certain individuals out of what fact? Every muslim sect claim it follows the Sunnah of the holy prophet (peace be on him and his family).

Please dear brother do not be deceived and stop the hatred of sectarianism. Try your best to study Islam through different interpretations of various group of muslims without any bias. Only then you can embark on a sincere research into Islamic knowledge.

Salam

tenx Bro
but in my area thos dat call them self sufi are those dat involve in doing charms e.g (ring,) and some oda tin...dat d prophet warn us against

frankben: .

who call u...bingo see ur 4king pix..nah ur grad pa bdat?