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Onechester's Posts

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Jokes EtcRe: Don't Dull Yourself ::: Come And Read Your Sorrow Away ;;; Updates Ëveryday by Onechester(op): 10:35pm On Jan 14, 2024
Some years back in NIGERIA
JAMB QUESTIONS 2018
1. Animals that eat money are called... A. Carnivores. B. Omnivores. C. Monivores. D. Herbivores.
. 2. What is the natural habitat for naira-eating snakes? A. Aquatic B. Jamb headquarters C. Terrestrial D. Forest
. 3. The process by which a snake swallows money is called... A. Phagocytosis B. Engulfing C. Pinocytosis D. Embezzlement.
. UTME 2018, leaked...
............... Maths The probability of x snake swallowing 36million naira is y. Find x.
English Fill in the blank ....... A snake swallowed 36million. a)could it be true? b) it could be true? c) true it could be?
Biology Sketch the dorsoventral view of the snake capable of swallowing 36million naira...
Physics Calculate the escape velocity with which a snake swallowed 36million Naira and disappeared unnoticed... take speed of light (8x10*9km/s)
Chemistry What is the molar mass of 36million Naira...?
Economics A snake worth 36million Naira define its opportunity cost.
Geography Where on earth can we find the snake that swallowed our 36million Naira? Best of luck...
.........
Anyhow, I love Nigeria. We can never fail to amuse ourselves.
Jokes EtcDon't Dull Yourself ::: Come And Read Your Sorrow Away ;;; Updates Ëveryday by Onechester(op): 10:30pm On Jan 14, 2024
1. When men say women are evil I just laugh. What do you expect from the only creature that met the devil one on one?
2.Not all marriages start with "will you marry me?" Some start with "I am pregnant."
3. It's only in Africa that people don't rest. Even after death, they still work as Ancestors or gods, busy eating kola nuts and demanding schnapps and fowls.
4. Actors and Actresses kiss each other for like 10 seasons and don't fall in love, but this girl just clicked "like" on your picture and you have been thinking about it for days. My Brother, whatever is wrong with you, we all don't know...But we will pray for you.
5. Stupidity is when you have headache and instead of buying Paracetamol, you use the money to buy airtime and log onto Facebook to post "Feeling headache" with 57 others, just to get comments like "Get well soon, Sorry dear " Your foolishness is beyond repair.
6. People say falling in love is d best feeling, but I think finding a toilet when you have a running stomach is truly the best feeling.
7. Don't say money changed them. You didn't text them when they were broke REMEMBER
8. As she returns from the valentine break, my brother give her at least three months before you do anything with her. Except you're ready to father somebody's child.
9. My Sister, when your boyfriend's main girlfriend sends you a text that reads "please leave my man alone" tell her to attach a copy of her marriage certificate and a testament of him saying he wants to be left alone.
10. I thought I knew English until l heard my neighbour explaining difference between Email and Gmail. Email is a mail sent by electricity. Gmail is a mail sent by generator.
LiteratureUntamed Virgin *The Lesson Of A Lifetime* by Onechester(op): 10:11am On Jan 12, 2024
Tonight a page would turn and a new chapter
would begin, one that would send you so far into
the world.
And because of this, you would dress in the
most revealing gown. Precious, your roommate
would give to you.
The one that would frame
your beautiful figure, full beasts, narrow waist
and tapering legs.
Precious would give you a sultry smile, telling you
how the dress fits perfectly.
Precious.....who was already used to this life.

Precious.....who would sleep with lecturers just to
pass a course .
Precious.......who had sex rush,
who
couldn't keep her legs closed for a week.

Thoughts of how you ended up with her would
cloud your mind but you would shove it away
and look into the mirror.

When you look into the mirror, your mouth will
hang open and you will gasp at the girl in the
mirror. This wasn't you, this you know. The girl
in the mirror has a seductive look.

"Ash*wo!" The gate man would spit at the sight
of you. Raining insults, mumbling something
indifferently and giving his head a few shakes.

You will flinch as if you'd been slapped in the
face by an invisible hand.

Fire would burn your cheeks, and you would
lower your gaze away from his stare, and then
wished you hadn't worn the "show me your
back" dress.

They didn't warn you about things like this when
they told you to give what you had in order to
get what you wanted.

But you needed this money desperately. The
school portal would be closed by the weekend
and still you hadn't paid your fees. Your parents
couldn't afford it, neither had the few persons
you'd asked given it to you.

Precious had introduced you to someone she called
"Big daddy". Someone she said, money was at
his Beck and Call.

But still, you wondered why he didn't just give
you the money without wanting to meet you in an
hotel.
At the hotel, Big daddy would settle his heavy
body on top of yours. His chest flattening your
breasts.
He would raise himself to pull your dress above
your waist but you would hesitate. Making him
smile and give you a wink.

The gate man's word...."Ash*wo".....would float
around in your head now. Ash*wo. Prostitute.
Cheap.
The words would make it difficult to
breathe, the same way it was difficult to breathe
when you wore the tight fitting dress.

You will tremble when he enters you, breaking
the seal between your legs. You had promised
to stay Virgin until your wedding night but
circumstances had made you do otherwise.
You
would close your eyes as tears will sear them,
blurring everything but the horrific thing on top
of you....an image you knew would haunt your
nightmares forever.

A low moan will tear from your throat as he
would thrust harder and harder. A solitary tear
will stream down your cheeks at the thought of
what your parents would think of you. But you
had to do it anyway.

You would stare at the huge amount of money
he gives you. A pile of eighty thousand naira,
something you had never held in all your
lifetime.
You will blink and thought of how cruel the world
was.
No one wanted rendering any kind of help
without wanting something in return.

The next morning in your room, you would stare
at a figure in the mirror.
The girl you once knew
wasn't the one staring back at you.
It was
written all over your face. You weren't a virgin
anymore
LiteratureSolo Leveling by Onechester(op):
Yeah, you saw that right
The long Awaited ANIME is here
and ongoing
LiteratureMYTHS............ Wait, Are These Even Real? by Onechester(op): 11:00pm On Jan 10, 2024
Theogony: Clash of Titans

In the beginning, there was nothing
but Chaos... Darkness covered
everything.
Until, the Earth was
born out of Chaos and so did the
mountains, the sea and the sky
(Uranus) with the sun, the moon
and the stars.

Shortly after, Uranus
and Earth came together and gave
birth to the Titans.
But, Uranus was
afraid that one of his children
would usurp his throne. So, he
enclosed every one of them in the
depths of the Earth.
But his son,
Cronus , the strongest of them all,
defeated him and became the world
leader. He married Rhea who gave
birth to 2 gods and 3 goddesses:
Hades, Poseidon, Hera, Hestia and
Demeter.

But unfortunately, Cronus inherited
the fear of his father; one of his
children could snatch the throne
from him.
So when they were born,
he swallowed them! Worried, Rhea
who was expecting her sixth child,
gave birth secretly on a mountain
in Crete knowing well that if this
child were to be in Cronus's sight,
he would serve the same fate.
She
named him Zeus and convinced
Cronus that he had swallowed him
as well by giving him a stone,
swaddling clothes which Cronus
mistook for his newborn and
swallowed it.

The Nymphs took care of Zeus.
They
fed him with the milk of a goat.

When he grew up, Zeus found his
father and tricked him into
drinking a mixture of mustard and
wine.
This made him disgorge his
stomach's contents and out came his
older siblings fully grown!

This is how the great titanomachy
began, the war between the Titans
and the Gods, with Zeus as their
leader.
This titanic battle lasted for
ten years. The gods defeated the
Titans and threw them into
Tartarus, a dark and gloomy place
as far from the earth as earth is
from the sky.
Then the gods fought
with the Giants for the dominance
of the world. The Gigantomachy
lasted a long time as well.
But the
gods were again victorious.

Thus,
Zeus became the ruler of the whole
world and he and the other gods
settled in Olympus.
Nairaland GeneralRe: Special Codes To Format Text On Nairaland by Onechester: 10:51pm On Jan 10, 2024
[green]sir............. Ha omg[/color]
Nairaland GeneralRe: Special Codes To Format Text On Nairaland by Onechester: 10:42pm On Jan 10, 2024
sir............. Ha omg
Nairaland GeneralRe: Special Codes To Format Text On Nairaland by Onechester: 10:42pm On Jan 10, 2024
sir............. Ha omg
LiteratureRe: M.A.R.Y... A Supernatural Story by Onechester: 7:40am On Jan 09, 2023
DannyWalker:
I remember you bro grin

How are you doing...

MARY has been made into a book...

I am preparing a book 2 with the subtitle "Assembling of the dark Gods"...
Please can I share this story
I promise to copy write it
LiteratureRe: My Demon Sister by Onechester:
Hi devilpen
Please if l may ask
can I share your story
Jokes EtcRe: Dark Humor Jokes by Onechester(op): 1:19pm On Jun 09, 2022
Mide1data
Jokes EtcRe: Dark Humor Jokes by Onechester(op): 12:42pm On Jun 09, 2022
Do you know why i hate the Lion King song

'i just can't wait to be king'

When you take a closer look at the movie, it could be called

'I just can't wait for my dad to be killed in a stampede'
Jokes EtcRe: Dark Humor Jokes by Onechester(op): 12:26pm On Jun 09, 2022
The other day she asked me to pass her the Lipstick but i accidentally gave her the Glue stick.


She's still not talking to me ! .
Jokes EtcRe: Dark Humor Jokes by Onechester(op): 12:08pm On Jun 09, 2022
A blind woman told her boyfriend "i am seeing someone" It's either Terrible News or Great News
Jokes EtcRe: Dark Humor Jokes by Onechester(op): 12:03pm On Jun 09, 2022
Mide1data:
IDU
I felt like i got some magical thing in my body going on
i would have like to elaborate more on that but that's a topic on its own!
Jokes EtcRe: Dark Humor Jokes by Onechester(op): 12:00pm On Jun 09, 2022
Mide1data:
Virtually almost everyone has experienced broken promises especially from their parents.



I don't get this one.
his grandfather while sleeping probably dead with people screaming in the car involve an an auto accident
Jokes EtcRe: Dark Humor Jokes by Onechester(op): 11:57am On Jun 09, 2022
"The first time i called myself a 'witch' was the most magical moment of my life"
Jokes EtcRe: Dark Humor Jokes by Onechester(op): 11:52am On Jun 09, 2022
Mide1data:
I guess their family eats dog.
your guess is right
Jokes EtcRe: Dark Humor Jokes by Onechester(op): 11:51am On Jun 09, 2022
I don't need an unstable relationship to teach me the evils about broken promises. I have parents for that!
Jokes EtcRe: Dark Humor Jokes by Onechester(op): 11:46am On Jun 09, 2022
When i grow

I want die peacefully like my grandfather in his sleep

Not screaming like the passengers in his car.
Jokes EtcRe: Dark Humor Jokes by Onechester(op): 11:36am On Jun 09, 2022
I started crying when dad was cutting onions. Onions was such a good dog ! cry
Jokes EtcRe: Dark Humor Jokes by Onechester(op): 11:28am On Jun 09, 2022
Mide1data:
Master mind, oga doesn't wanna die alone.
Haha
Jokes EtcRe: Dark Humor Jokes by Onechester(op): 11:27am On Jun 09, 2022
Mide1data:
I'am guessing he didn't die at that time, he only literally kick the bucket.
Yeah
Jokes EtcRe: Dark Humor Jokes by Onechester(op): 11:26am On Jun 09, 2022
Mide1data:
IDU- I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
He will burn to death
Jokes EtcRe: Dark Humor Jokes by Onechester(op): 11:25am On Jun 09, 2022
Mide1data:
omo she's talking abt yr relationship.
Yes
Jokes EtcRe: Dark Humor Jokes by Onechester(op): 11:24am On Jun 09, 2022
Mide1data:
indirectly he killed his father, who asked hm to let go of the ladder.
No the son wasn't holding the ladder when he asked. So technically, he fell down to the ground because the ladder wasn't balanced and the son wasn't there to support the ladder!
Jokes EtcRe: Dark Humor Jokes by Onechester(op): 11:12am On Jun 09, 2022
When we were kids we used to be afraid of the dark

But when we grew up

The electricity bill now make us afraid of the light ! !
Jokes EtcRe: Dark Humor Jokes by Onechester(op): 11:08am On Jun 09, 2022
My girlfriend broke up with me

I stole her wheelchair

Guess who came crawling back!!
Jokes EtcRe: Dark Humor Jokes by Onechester(op):
A murderer was being executed when the executor asked him


"any last request"


"yes" the murderer on a electric chair said "please hold my hand"
Jokes EtcRe: Dark Humor Jokes by Onechester(op): 10:58am On Jun 09, 2022
My great grandfather words to me before he kicked the bucket :

"Hey son, watch how far i can kick this bucket!"
Jokes EtcRe: Dark Humor Jokes by Onechester(op): 10:55am On Jun 09, 2022
Give a man a plane ticket he will fly for the day

Push him down at 3,000 feets, he will fly for the rest of his life.
Jokes EtcRe: Dark Humor Jokes by Onechester(op): 10:51am On Jun 09, 2022
Give a man a match and he will be warm for some few hours.

Burn him up with fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life.

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