[color=#770077][/color]

skyfullofstars:
Hello my dear sis. I was in your same situation, lost my virginity to a man, then we got serious, or so I thought, I got pregnant (i was happy about it) and now we're not together anymore... The baby is 3 months and a half.

Keep your virginity until you get married. If you date a real Christian, the guy should have the same beliefs as you do. Mmm if you want to, we can talk through whatsapp.

Don't give ur virginity to any stupid guys, i beg you.

Oh, am so sorry, it didn't workout and please be strong for your baby. It's well, as per the whatsapp contact, I will send you a mail.

[q[color=#000099]uote author=gsalvatore post=42315907]When a woman thinks her whole world is in between her leg.

Then after marriage and loss of virginity to your husband then what?

When he gets tired (he will)of that which you presently think is your/the only strong point (like @skyfullofstars just narrated)nko?

Most women prefer Disneyland to reality...

You think keeping your virginity till marriage determines the outcome of the/any marriage? And the dude you are getting married to kept his virginity too...just to marry you...

How are you even gonna attend to his needs when you are inexperienced... I guess he will get it elsewhere...

How has marrying a virgin stopped a Muslim from marrying another wife? Or couples becoming total strangers after months of marriage...

You must think only virginity is all men want..

Turn away from delusion and self deceit for your long term happiness.

Sorry if my opinions hit some nerves on here.[/quote]
[/color]

It's okay, it takes more than that to get me upset .

I've given replies to comments similar to yours, you might want to check it up,when you are less busy, of course.

Thanks

[quote author=ourchoice post=42335669]why do u need a relationship when u are not ready to indulge in what comes with relationship with the opposite sex? Is there anywhere Bible said u must have a boyfriend

If u know u aren't ready to give what relationship demands, then forget about keeping a boyfriend and face your life alone!

If I may ask, what will u give to the guy u will be dating in exchange for his gifts, calls, pampering, etc? I am sure nothing but forming his girlfriend with rules and laws!

Why are women so selfish and wicked? U want to collect but u don't want to give!

It is simple, avoid relationship and pray for your husband to come soon.

Any guy that tells u that he will date u, stay committed to u, be assisting u, calling u happily as his girlfriend and not expect or demand sex from u is a big liar! He will only pretend while having sex with some other girls behind u and fooling u with sweet words of how he doesn't care about sex.

Any guy ready to accept no sex relationship won't need a girlfriend in the first place....so to say, such guys don't date!

You too shouldn't date! Stay on your own if u truly want to please God!

Ever since I decided not to indulge in sex outside marriage, I don't keep girlfriends....i don't woo girls....i stay on my own....i don't expect any girl to call me, text me, buy me gift or worry me...I am facing my life alone.

But u ladies want to have a boyfriend that will be spending on u, giving u money, taking u out, calling u always, doing this and that for u and at the end u don't give him anything in return, why? Is he your brother? Is he your father? Is he your cousin? Why must he be spending on u and not expect anything in return? What if after wasting his time and resources on u and u decide to leave him to marry another man, what will be his consolation?


The problem is it seems most ladies are selfish and greedy; they only think about what they want and don't care about what the man in their life want. Selfishness and greed are big sins too....flee from them. be yourself and stop dating if u want to be a true virgin in the sight of God.



Well, there's really no need for the harsh undertones, alright? constructive criticism is always the best. That aside,

1) Now, the bible may have never spoken about dating, however, I won't be wrong if I tell you it existed, in the christain world, we call it courtship.

Jacob courted (or dated) racheal for seven years before marriage. Gen 29,18-30, though it wasn't that rampant then, However that's one example for you.

Your over-emphasis on the word "live your life alone" is not needed.

You avoid relationships because you don't want to have sex, well there's something called self control, i believe.

Instead of staying alone, it's always best to be on the lookout for someone who has the same beliefs as you, just as most nairalanders has already said ( unfortunately they are few) so this where your "pray for your own husband to come soon" comes into play, and thanks for this part though, am already doing that. Mind you when he comes, he is still going to be a tagged boyfriend first in this our 21st century society(since that's what they calls a man you are in a relationship with) before he becomes a husband.

"You ladies" why generalizing, huh?

I always took my exes out on their birthdays, bought gifts every now and then too, and whenever we eat out, we always go dutch, and never was it a one-sided relationship. This is just who I am as a person ,I always make it a habit to reciprocate whatever favors I get , when dealing with people in general. I know there's no free thing in Freetown and people will always expect a payback for every good deed rendered.

Can I buy him clothes?, can I buy him a car?, can I give him some money?,. Really?, the same materialism you feel the female gender exudes, is exactly the same thing you are vying for.

What about you say, can I help him to build his dream?, can I help me to achieve his goals?, can I be there for him in time of lack?, support him?, pray for him?, encourage and motivate him?, I think this sounds better.

There more to a guy than what he gives, and more to a lady, than her body she's expected to offer as compensation, and if they don't see that , their loss.

Have a good day

tpiar:


another ogbontira non-virgin expression.

Lol@the ogbontira


Forgive me, but i had no idea I was using non-virgin expressions (if at all there's anything like that though).

tpiar:


what advice are you looking for?

personally, i dont know any virgin who would use this kind of expression, "put out".

i could be wrong sha.

[color=#000000]


Of course, you are

It's okay though, if you don't have any advice to give. So far, others have, and others still will, and I appreciate them all.

However, if at all you change your mind to say uplifting words of encouragement to a sister, I will appreciate that too ,for every positive opinion counts.

Thanks@tpiar

[color=#770077][/color]

boxer022:
My Sister from your thread I can see that you have been approached by men only because of sex and nothing else. I want you to know that any man that cannot accept your terms in any relationship is not worth being with. You are special in your own way and need to do things the way you seem right. So I do not want you to be unhappy or disappointed with yourself because of that rather focus more on other things that will be of benefit to you.

Awwww, thanks

[quote author=Dirkcoyt post=42281507]

Well its a good one, but what I meant was, now the only thing you see is every potential suitor is coming for the coochie, which you maybe wrong or right.

If you let go the coochie to a great guy mostly might not lead to something serious but a memorable romp. After deflowering,I think you will be able to look beyond everyman wants you for sex and see the best part of every man. You only think everyone will want sex and leave because you still a virgin.

Don't sweat, there are thousands of responsible men out there that will still want sex before marriage but this doesn't make them less responsible. What if you met someone who waits and you're married and ended up being worst enemies?


Hmmmm, you are making sense, i must say, yes waiting till marriage might not guarantee a lasting marriage, but if at people behold waited became enemies, the reason could also be due to other underlying issues .

If and when I meet someone who's ready to wait till we tie the knot, I am sure we're going to have a lasting and blissful marriage, not because we waited but because Christ happened be our bedrock, and besides I won't be marrying him alone based on the fact that he agreed to wait, knowing fully well there are other important qualities a future husband must possess.

[quote author=OAFMods post=42279950]

For me if your character is on the average n not even top notch or exceptional couple with being a Virgin I believe any sensible guy would tag along till marriage. Maybe you should check yourself on why guys tag along only to back out along the line. Don't be naive, you might not be as perfect as you have painted. You do not have to lower you moral standard also. I bliv if you look inwards improve on your character any average guy will give the world for such a gem to be his just for waiting till the big night but note that might not stop him from getting his grove on elsewhere till then. [/quote]


I understand your viewpoints, and no, am not naive.


Since you don't know me, i will be demanding too much of you, if I expect you to believe my character is on point, so I understand.


I didn't want to bore you all, by writing an epistle ,hence my reason for hitting the nail straight on the head, but I've had men that played along with me. Will mention a few,

Someone once said he had no problem with it, but he ended up sleeping with my friend, as usual the devil took all the blame.

Another accepted too,and I felt at ease because I trusted him, but he eventually had a go at it with a sex worker. I saw the lab reports, he had std, so he confessed by saying the CD broke.

Thanks a bunch

[color=#770077][/color]

Dirkcoyt:
Young lady, do you know that there are some great men who will be the best husband you can ever think of but still not yield to no sex before marriage with you? Why?

Because you don't know what great men like that have experienced with some ladies, don't stress the virginity too much, have a great guy to deflower you. Make everybit memorable. Not every relationship will end in matrimony.

Life itself is a risk, if you don't risk the virginity, you might have missed a potential great husband who is just love sex not cause he will dump you or not. Life is too short and small to be rigid.

Thanks, for the advice, though I wasn't comfortable with a few sentences you wrote, but you were being honest and I do appreciate that. Life is a risk, you say,well that's true, but keeping my self is a part of the risk, if you decide to look at it from another angle, and that risk am not scared to take, .


Having sex doesn't take away from one, therefore the good qualities in most men who have sex is still imminent.

Kindly allow me to talk about the guys I have met

1) A church brother who asked me out but refused a no_sex relationship, only for me to find out that he was actually engaged to a sister and the wedding was in three months time

2) An innocent looking dude ,who refused as well, but I later discovered that while he was after me, he was also chased everything chaseable and he happened to be a serial womanizer

These are just few of those, but why am writing this?

Well because you spoke about risk, and I believe there are risks on all sides, and over the years I have gotten to realize that no matter the decision you make as a person, there's always a pro and con attached to it.

Thanks @dirkoyt

Well, the issue I believe shouldn't be ,which comes first or not. The truth is love and submission go hand in hand, therefore none precedes another. A man saying "my woman needs to submit before I love her", or a woman refusing to submit, not only after she feel loved in her marriage, is a recipe for disaster. However if a woman is submissive, it doesn't means she's stupid, it only means she stooping to conquer because in the end it endears her husband to her. When a man loves his wife deeply, he is automatically in charge, because she will always yearn to please him. I believe it doesn't really count whichever one comes first, because after all in the end , it's a win- win situation.

menumchi:
@Op, I feel ur pain and d situation is pathetic and its no different from what most ladies withing ur age bracket often are confronted with. Jst to say a few things as an addendum to what others hv highlighted e.g Nazi.
1. From ur write ups and response, u strike me like some1 who is 'd all serious' type of lady and trust me, to a certain extent, guys usually detest/find it repulsive when dey encounter ladies who act 'overly serious' to issues that bother on sexuality.
2. Also from ur response and write-up, u sound like one who will always insist on her ideals without giving attention to the fact that u might be doing a disservice to logical and contemporary reasoning.
3. We live in a world where sex has pervaded d scene and has become the 'in-thing' and guys find it difficult to believe or reckon with d fact dat ladies of ur age have nothing to do with sex. Bt here's the thing, even when they come on th platform of not having a platonic relationship with u, hw do u react or respond to them cos that will also be an indicator to letting dem knw ur being truthful or ur jst being d pretentious type (the ecclisiatical tie of d guy not withstanding).
4. Ur write up also connotes ur d one that is also fed up with guys approaching u from d stand poit of 'sex in relationship' and dat has formed an atmosphere around u such dat d mere mention of it to u by a guy jst gets u irritated and trust me that can scare a 'genuine' guy away who probably did isn't serious abt d whole 'sexual relationship thing'
5. Suggestion: be flexible around guys (bt let ur values be intact) and dnt put up d whole 'holier-than-thou' attitude even when ur approached from dat angle. Be urself bt dnt b a snub while u exude elegance and poise.
6. Pls dnt go clubbing or partying or any of those sort cos u won't find d better ones there (aldoh u dnt strike me like one who will).
7. Maintain ur spiritual standing and watch ur friends cos some may doubt ur virginity status as a result of d peeps u roll with.
8. Be prayerful and expect d one with a 'right-mindset' dat connects efficiently and effectively with urs (cos there's nothing like d 'right person' as some posit......that's for another day doh).
#MyHumbleSubmission
#NotJudgingU
#AllDBest
#Muchas Gracias!

@menumchi, Thanks for your analysis
1) I wouldn't say am overly serious, just principled.... Just as gadgets, comes with instructions, I strongly believe we humans as well, have some guiding principles we need to abide to, for better and fruituitous functioning. That is not to say, I don't have any silly, playful, unserious side.

2) I do understand saying no sex before marriage in this ever changing world of ours, over saturated with sex might defile logic. However, sex aside, I always try to see things from both perspective, and quite flexible in my dealings with others, I also don't judge other's viewpoints even though it doesn't align with my ideals or morals.

3) Hmmmm

4)You are right about that,I must say

5) Thanks a lot, appreciate

[quote author=sofadj post=42239318]This kind of relationship will constantly give you sleepless nights.
Sweet today, bitter tomorrow.

She's confused because, she has seen some guy that she considers better for her in a way ( that may be true or not)

The earlier you get out the better for you.

Deep inside you, you know its the right thing to do, but you are being cowardly. Its not easy though considering you must have sacrificed a lot for her and thinking of the stress of starting from the scratch with someone new.

What you shouldn't do
Don't call her asking for clarifications on your relationship, she has already shown you through her actions and by saying she's confused. Also she wouldn't be specific.

Don't outdo yourself by trying new ways to show you love and care. I'm sure she knows that already. Besides that will only make you commit more and make her more powerful. Also it will make the ultimate break-up more hurting.


What yo should do
"Call her up, tell her you can't deal with her attitude anymore and break up"

Move on bro.


Trust me, 6 months from now, you will be glad you broke up.

If you do anyother thing, you will only be postponing the "break up day"[/quote]

All your points are quite valid, but allow me deviate a little, Now, from his write-ups, I can tell op
1) Is too predictable for her, but the truth be told, predictability most times kills sparks.

2)loves her to bits, and goes to any length to show it(which is commendable, who wants a guy playing mind games)hence her, being relaxed

3)Doesn't give her any room to reciprocate(I may be right, I may be wrong), but when you call someone everyday for a stipulated period of time ,this unconsciously paralyses their desire to reciprocate(since you've taken it upon yourself to do most of the calling)

I am not apportioning blames, afterall all is fair in love and war. Op acted the way a man in love would, but she felt suffocated I guess, but, I believe she did loved him.

Unrequited, unbalanced love







Not my portion IJN, (AMEN).

That's not decent, the kitchen needs to be in order, after the whole cooking activities.

Really, 1500 Naira is enough to cook the ogbono stew, trust me she knows it too, and besides it's for the both of you, right?. I personally think it has little to do with that amount you gave her, but moreso, the perception she felt you have of her, or the image she's trying to create. You did nothing wrong.

Insightful! However, she concisely addressed the point(s) you're trying to prove by stating that she knows virginity isn't the be all. [/quote]

Thanks

@Grammarnazi, thanks for those comments. You are right too some extent though, but the truth is, being a virgin doesn't equate being dumb, laziness, boredom, though your post doesn't imply that anyways. I am not sure if you've gone through my previous replies, because I did answer your question. I know virginity it's not the be all, therefore I wouldn't want a man to define me by just that. This same way a virgin can be arrogant and unsupportive, a non-virgin can also be boring, dumb, unsupportive, unreliable, without adding anything to a man's life. An instance for one is most people having a notion about good looking people being arrogant, but who says unattractive people can't be rude as well. At the end of the day, it all just boils down to who you are as a person.

@Penney, it's either no sex till marriage or no sex till marriage ooo, . I believe it's not my to give, but for the rightful man to take, but for me it's only within the confinement of holy matrimony. Thanks for taking your time to read my post, I appreciate. Am just confused as to why most men can't look beyond that.

@mjsheksy, thanks for your brotherly advice, but believe me when I tell you my character is top-notch. you are right, virginity without good manners is nothing to men, I know men love being respected, and would gladly choose respect in a lady over all other secondary qualities. Just as beauty without intelligence is nothing. Permit me to say am a neat freak, book worm . Just the sex issue

@temifash, I pride myself a lot more in my character,not my virginity status. Even two of my neighbors, once recommended me to their brothers(that obviously was based on my character, since they know not my stance on sex before marriage). I know sex has permeated our society, but since am not ready to indulge ,I make up for it with my character. I am a very transparent person,and I don't like leading guys on, so I make my stance clear from day one. Guy stucked around , but left since there was no show.

@jewelnutch, I thought the same thing too, but I got a big shock. I accepted to date a brother I didn't fancy at all, because I felt since we met within the church province,he wouldn understand,but on the contrary, he refused. That got me so pissed considering the fact that he was a pastor. I laid the cards on the table before I say yes to him, and he outrightly refused that he is not used to that. So we never dated

Hello my fellow nairalanders, have been a guest on this forum for a few years now. Over the years, have watched you guys save broken marriages, wavering relationships almost on the verge of collapse, and die-hard friendship being torn apart, with sound advices(a bith harsh, but always true) sometimes coupled with a little bit of sarcasm, which makes me laugh at times with tears rolling down my cheeks that I mostly end up holding my stomach so my tummy won't rip out from too much laughter.
I am a young lady in my mid-twenties, and am a virgin( based on biblical conviction and my own personal belief aside religion). Now this is my challenge, guys comes after me in droves but yet leave the same way as they come, simply because I refuse to put out. I know virginity is not the be all, but I just can't bring myself to sleep with someone who's not mine in all respect(in God's eyes and before the whole world at large). I know you all tired of virginity threads, but please I am so unhappy right now, am just confused as to why most men just leave without getting to know the real me. Why can't they have a healthy and trusting relationship with me void of sex? Help a sister ,advice anything. Because am so sad right now,and I am not in a relationship because of this ,some even hang around, hoping I would change my mind but leaves when they realise they won't be getting any.