₦airaland Forum

naptu2: I've got more info, including pictures, about this scheme, but before that I want to know the meaning of "largasses".

Beretta92: Yeah,it's one of those islands around the main continent.Cape Verde should be to the west of the main continent,right?

Amazingly Cape Verde Is some couple of kilometer off the coast of West Africa infact its very close to Nigeria. And also amazing is the fact that Nani of Manchester united was born in Cape Verde.

http://doesthatmakemecrazyblog.com/2013/07/24/starting-the-conversation-what-is-bipolar/

Picture this: I’m lying on my living room floor in my London flat. Trying to figure out where to start. I have a self-pity inspired bowl of chocolate ice cream. We are in the middle of a heatwave, the hottest UK weather in 7 years. The temperature inside the flat is just as uncomfortably hot as the prickly heat outside and is beginning to threaten the structural integrity of ice cream, which is starting to look more like a bowl of chocolate milk. I have the windows open and a fan over me but it just seems to be moving the warm air around. The ice cream is threatening to disappear as quickly as the inspiration that I felt yesterday for starting this blog is now running away from me.

Yesterday this seemed like a fantastic idea. This blog is supposed to show people that Bipolar doesn’t mean I can’t do brilliant things. And this blog is the next brilliant things I was planning to do to prove it. But now the angry voice in my head is putting me back in my place. You can’t do this. You can’t do anything. Nobody cares what you have to say. You might as well kill yourself. Just do it. Just kill yourself and stop trying to fight me.

I don’t know what to write. I don’t know how to show people that it’s okay to talk about Bipolar and other mental illnesses, because I can’t talk. Because when I try to pick up the pen, I feel physically sick, I can’t do the thing I’m telling other people to do. That makes me a hypocrite and I feel like I would be writing a lie. Trying to tell people I can do things when I can’t.

I can’t do anything.

But then something snaps. This is what I have to write about. It sounds impossible but I have to write about the fact that I can’t write. I have to write about that little voice in my head that keeps telling me that I might as well be dead. Because this blog isn’t just about having Bipolar and being brilliant regardless. Yes, that’s part of it. But it’s about the bits that are not so brilliant, too. It’s about trying to show people a real picture about what Bipolar really is. And this is what it is. This is the reality of my illness. A sometimes suffocating and inexplicable sadness that follows you around and sits on your chest until you can’t breathe and you just wish you were dead because it hurts to be awake.

So I want to take a little time to explain the different parts of Bipolar, of which the sadness is one.

Disclaimer: (Bipolar is different for every person. It manifests differently for every sufferer. This is just a simple guide about my experiences of my own personal symptoms. This is my best understanding of what Bipolar is from the books I have read, doctors I have spoken to, the contributions of other sufferers, and the way it feels to me inside my head. I am not a doctor and am not medically qualified).

Bipolar is a condition that has many contributing causes, but genetics are thought to be a very important factor. Some of us are genetically predisposed to develop this illness. It runs in families. It affects the ability of the brain to regulate the chemicals that affect our mood. As a result, the extremes of mood that we experience are well out of the normal rage. In my mind, a helpful analogy is that it is similar to the way that diabetic people can’t regulate their insulin production and they have to have injections to level it out. That’s why we have to take medication. To make the chemicals in your brain level back to where they’re supposed to be. So you’re not too high or too low. Just like a diabetic’s blood sugar. It’s like my moods are diabetic. But medication doesn’t stop the Bipolar. It just tries to reign in the gap between the two extremes of mood. To make the highs less high and the lows less severe, less mind-numbing. And it’s a constant balancing act because everybody reacts to medications differently.

The term ‘Bipolar’ refers to two extremes. Depression and mania. Bipolar is a real illness caused by chemical imbalance which causes extreme and sometimes dangerous mood swings. Sufferers generally alternate between depression and mania (this is called hypomania in the case of Bipolar II), and sometimes periods of ‘normal’ mood. You can also experience a ‘mixed episode’ where you have symptoms of both mania and depression. These episodes of extreme mood can last for days, weeks, or months. Some people experience episodes that last for years.

Simply broken down, this is what the different states of Bipolar feel like in my head:

Mania: Have you ever been lining up at a theme park to go onto a new, exciting ride, like a roller coaster, or a water slide? One that you had to wait a really long time in line for and every minute you were getting more and more giddy with the thought of getting towards the front of the line?

For me, I’m thinking in particular of lining up for the log flume at Alton Towers. Being strapped into the boat and then finally reaching the highest point of the highest slope, and as the boat slowly crawls along the track, it suspends in the air for a few seconds before plummeting down. In those few seconds, you look over the edge of the front of the boat and cling to the safety bars. The few seconds feel like forever. You’re just hanging there for a while, with what feels like the world at your feet, and the blood rushes to your stomach and turns it in flips. You’re filled with happiness and anxiety, but good anxiety, because you know something really great is about to happen and you can’t wait. You’re anticipating the sudden jolt when you plunge down.

For those few seconds you’re dizzy with happiness, you’re so excited, you’re just happy to be alive, and so high up, so much higher than everyone else, looking at everyone on the ground who is a small dot and just milling around eating hot dogs and not nearly having as much fun as you are. You are so much better than everyone.

Those five seconds before the drop is what mania feels like. But it doesn’t last a few seconds. Imagine that feeling every day for a week. Or a month. 24/7. No rest. No break. No relief. It’s exhausting. It takes up all the space in your brain because you take in every single detail.  Every single tiny detail around you rapidly absorbs into your brain and becomes a thought which gives birth to fifty other thoughts and then all of those thoughts have more thoughts until there’s no more space in your head. It sucks away all your energy, and when in the end you’re running on empty, you crash.  But while it lasts, it also makes everything you do feel like the MOST WONDERFUL MOST INCREDIBLE MOST INTERESTING MOST AMAZING BRILLIANT GREAT THING YOU HAVE EVER DONE IN YOUR WHOLE LIFE, EVER, AND NOBODY EVEN REALISES HOW AMAZING YOU ARE BUT THEY SHOULD NAME A DAY AFTER YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE THE FUCKING BEST PERSON YOU HAVE EVER HEARD OF.

You’re limitless. It’s great. But then you have so much energy and you’re constantly on top of the theme park ride and you’re so full of that rush right before the boat drops down that you can’t sleep. You fill all the extra time you spend not sleeping with doing more things and being more productive. You spend so much time thinking of more things to do that you make decisions to do things that you wouldn’t normally think were good things to do. Things that might even be dangerous, because the part of your brain that normally lights up and tells you something is a silly idea isn’t working. It’s over-ridden by the feeling in your brain that’s sending all the blood rushing around your body as if the boat’s about to drop. You suddenly realise how important the people in your life are. And your life is magical, and brilliant, and perfect. And everyone in it is so amazing that you want to tell them just how amazing they are, and how amazing you are, and how amazing everything in your head is, but you can’t make sense to anyone else because you’re talking so fast because you’re afraid if you don’t, it won’t all come out.

You get so far up that there’s nowhere else to go. Except down.

And the boat drops. But it doesn’t stop when it gets to the bottom of the slope. It keeps going down, and it crashes. It crashes through the floor, and way down underground. So far down that nobody else can find you down there. Nobody can pull you back up because you’re so far down that nobody can even seen you. And that’s Bipolar depression.

Depression: Crushing sadness. Melancholy that seems to present itself for no reason except for the fact that you just ran out of happiness. You can’t wake up. If you do wake up, waking up is the worst thing that can happen to you all day. Now you have to do it all again. You have to keep being alive and you feel disappointed that you’re still here and you have to keep suffocating through this fog of sadness. And you can’t snap out of it. It’s debilitating. You can’t get out of bed. You can’t eat. You can’t think. The voice in your head is just telling you you’re worthless, you’re shit, you’re nothing, over and over and over again. You might as well kill yourself. Because nobody cares. Depression lies like that. It makes amazing creative people feel like they’re not worthy to be here. When we need them. We need their magical brains. It’s just that sometimes the magic brains don’t work.

You’re constantly heart-broken by the world and everything in it. You can’t drag yourself out of this sadness because it sits on your shoulders and keeps you down. Everyone around you seems much happier than you are, they know something you don’t and they’re not telling you. They’re not telling you because they want you to be sad. They don’t care. They probably want you to kill yourself so you stop bringing them down.

You just keep falling down, even when you think you can’t go down any further. And nothing makes any sense. Why were you born? What’s the point of existing if you’re going to be like this? You’re fucking worthless and you can’t even be happy. You can’t even make your own brain work. You’re supposed to be clever. You’re supposed to be brilliant and magical and full of good ideas. But you’re not. You’re nothing. You’re worse than nothing because nothing is inoffensive. It doesn’t get in the way. But you are. You’re in everyone’s way and everyone would be better off if you would just kill yourself so the people who try to love you could just stop bothering and not have to worry about you anymore. And they’d probably be relieved because no matter how much they try to love you, you just push them away and so they’re bored of you by now and just wish you would do it already.

But all of that is a lie. And with medication, with therapy and with a good support network, you can live with Bipolar. It doesn’t have to take over your life. And you might always still have particularly bad episodes, but hopefully they will get less severe over time and be fewer and further between. Like every illness, you just need to get it under control. Which is easier than it sounds. But it is possible. You can feel so disconnected. Extremely alone at times. And from the outside it may just seem like you’re a bitch, or you’re uncaring. You might lose friends because you seem uninterested, even cruel. Because when the Bipolar grips your brain it takes over.

And that’s where this blog should come in. To show people that Bipolar does not define who I am. That it doesn’t make me ‘me’ anymore than if I had diabetes. To show people like me that they are not alone, and to show the people that love us that underneath it all, we’re still us. And we’re still magical.

[quote author=linda_1] cape verde is in AFRICA too check that on the map my friend!!! how can I think Africa is a jungle filled with monkeys and trees?? that hell [/quote]Oh damn my bad.

Emmyk: who is asking you to say? Input your age range and ball out!

Yessir! About 13,000 days and counting

MillionDollars: I pray no nairalander wld b involvd in any accident ds yr. I.j.n

Are u now saying its ok for non nairalander to die in an accident? Nobody deserve to die, especially young

Going by my experience and judgment I can say the predominant age group is 21-25.

Mod, front page, pls!

adaobi123:

I've made up my mind.

[quote author=linda_1]I just want to have fun, make new friends online, learn different cultures...
I had never heard about nairaland before until one day I was at google searching for tribes in Africa after watching a video on youtube, I clicked on a link that brought me here
I start reading some posts, comments, pictures I was WOW this website looks fun lol then I decide to join [/quote]I'm sure u most have thought Africa is a jungle filled with monkeys hopping from trees to trees just like the western media wants us to believe

adaobi123: British Nigerian

Okay I change, just Nigerian

Lol u coming across as confused..

had a go with my land lady's daughter on this next door ish while in the UK. That shit got me in real mess. Babe be sneeking up to my yard almost every night, and it got worse whn the mum traveled. Had to move outta that yard eventually whn the mum found out man been doing some shit with the daughter.

igbsam: List of 35 #Pedophile senators that voted for underage girls to become bride.

1. Sen. Abdulmumin M. Hassan (Jigawa South West, PDP)
2. Sen. Abdullahi Danladi (Jigawa North West,PDP)
3. Sen. Adamu Abdullahi (Nasarawa West, PDP)
4. Sen. Ahmed Barata (Adamawa South, PDP)
5. Sen. Akinyelure Ayo (Ondo Central, Labour Party)
6. Sen. Alkali Saidu A. (Gombe North, PDP)
7. Sen. Bagudu Abubakar A. (Kebbi Central, PDP)
8. Sen. Dahiru Umaru (Sokoto South, PDP)
9. Sen. Galaudu Isa (Kebbi North, PDP)
10. Sen. Garba Gamawa (Bauchi North, PDP)
11. Sen. Danjuma Goje Mohammed (Gombe
Central, PDP)
12. Sen. Gobir Ibrahim (Sokoto East, PDP)
13. Sen. Gumba Adamu Ibrahim (Bauchi South,PDP)
14. Sen. Hadi Sirika (Katsina North, CPC)
15. Sen. Ibrahim Bukar Abba (Yobe East, ANPP)
16. Sen. Jajere Alkali (Yobe South, ANPP)
17. Sen. Jibrilla Mohammed (Adamawa North,PDP)
18. Sen. Kabiru Gaya (Kano South, ANPP)
19. Sen. Lafiagi Mohammed (Kwara North, PDP)
20. Sen. Lawan Ahmad (Yobe North, ANPP)
21. Sen. Maccido Mohammed (Sokoto North, PDP)
22. Sen. Musa Ibrahim (Niger North, CPC)
23. Sen. Ndume Mohammed Ali (Borno South,PDP)
24. Sen. Sadiq A. Yaradua (Katsina Central, CPC)
25. Sen. Saleh Mohammed (Kaduna Central, CPC)
26. Sen. Tukur Bello (Adamawa Central, PDP)
27. Sen. Ugbesia Odion (Edo Central, PDP)
28. Sen. Umar Abubakar (Taraba Central, PDP)
29. Sen. Usman Abdulaziz (Jigawa North East, PDP)
30. Sen. Ya'au Sahabi (Zamfara North, PDP)
31. Sen. Zannah Ahmed (Borno Central, PDP)
32. Sen. Ahmad Rufai Sani (Zamfara West, ANPP)
33. Sen. Ahmad Abdul Ningi (Bauchi Central, PDP)
34. Sen. Bello Hayatu Gwano (Kano North, PDP)
35. Sen. Ibrahim Abu (Katsina South, CPC)

These Northerners wants to bring in Sodom and Gomorrah to Nigeria.

I've said it b4 and will continue saying it, these northerners are a bane, a clog in the wheel, a course, a set back, a drawback, a burden, a misfortune and all negative thing u can think of to this country Nigeria. Whenever we take a step forward they set us back 5 steps. Can't we just cut this zone off? This is sickening, makes me wanna puke! Gosh

Some how i keep seeing this post whenever I come on NL and its really geTting me crazzzzzzzyyyyy! "how do I download 2go on my phone?" fucking hell

Ok, I worked as a Quality Assurance while in the UK, which is mainly sofware testing, an integral part of software development. On average I earned £2800/month. Got to find out software development job isn't as lucrative in Nigeria as I thought.

[quote author=linda_1]Cape verde [/quote]U must be ur only kind in nairaland. And what brought u here?

Royal Roy: Lollll..I think he wanted to write 1.8m naira....as an auction start price!!

I should hv thought that really. That got my heart skip one beat.

are u kiDding me? 18million naira which is about 72 thousand pounds when u can get X6 for about 52 thousand pounds? U r shittting me!

aniyphil: Its ok to think . . .absolutely nothing wrong with that, but what you "think" is not always what it is! This is just one ride out of a fleet of five . . .not an everyday car.

Just thought its quite unrealistc to do 37k miles in 9yrs might be wrong tho. Nice ride still

Most repulsive show on the face of the planet. Ewwwwwwww

Eze Promoe: [color=crimson]I'm surprised that noone have mention "Nigerian" in a Nigerian forum.
I won't be the first either
I'm a Pakistani [/color]

Lol. I'm sure ur nigerian claiming Pakistan. Paki wanna be

[quote author=*Kails*]i saw some things being said about my ppl
and decided to respond. Never intended to stay but I've met some
awesome people here and its been on ever since.[/quote]U didn't tell where ur from tho.

aniyphil: 2004 BMW 318CI COUPE
Doors 2
Engine N42
Automatic transmission
Chrome Line exterior
Armrest front
Headlight cleaning system
CD / HiFi speaker system
Clean black leather interior
Mileage - 37,000
Registered with Coscharis for servicing . . .car is as good as new

Price: N1.6m

Call - 08029501353

Ok nice ride there but the mileage is a bit dodgy. Its only done 37k miles in 9yrs? That's an average of 4000 miles/yr? I really think the mileage has been altered.

virginadams: Not true joooorrr.....why is it that Nigerians and the world like making fun of and finding faults @ people who have made it in life. Jay-z make money Dem say na illuminati. Nawao

No need getting too serious over issues. Nobody making fun of nobody. Just laugh and move on bro.

;Dfirst to laff Lol

khiaa: Nigerian Men. JK

Are u serious? What's with Nigerian men, Jamaican girl?