₦airaland Forum

Hello guyz,I have decided to create this page for all nairalanders that loves jokes and funny post,I will be giving u some of my funny post and memes daily,always check for the update,..Thanks...Oya lets go...................

Dear Agbayas,
You people should warn yourself and don't ruin
our childhood memories.������
First you change "Sandalili to Standard Living",I
no vex.....������

Later you said "Ayamatanga is I am at anger", did I complain? NO I did not.....��
Few weeks back, you still said "Osigosigo is Oh
Singer sing on", I kept my cool....������

Now you are now saying our lovely biscuit bone
is brisket bone.... ����������

If u like- call am skeleton bone........ See ehn, who send you message?
You think it's funny abi?
Let me see you correct something else so gbo.....
eyin agbaya buruku.
Yours angrily,
Old Kids Association of Childhood Memories...
****************
u Exajubancer 2023 How
Are u stressed out nd ur mum still forces u to go 4 dat night vigil on friday?? .Here is a tip on how to sleep in vigils uninterrupted by
ushers.
When d pastor is on d pulpit,wait 4 the right
atmosphere den shout Jesus three times. Roll on
the ground three times den position wella..
Zzzzzzzzzz !!den sleep off..d pastor wld even tell d usher"leave her!!,don't touch her" it works like magic.........

****************
My Uncle is new on Facebook nd has been
trying to SEARCH for me but can't find me because
he is busy typing My Brother fourth child as my
username.hahahaha��������****************************

**********
If your name is EBUKA and you are 24yrs old.. U
applied for job at NNPC. I just want to inform u
that am eating corn with ur application letter
now at home...

Brethren, we all need to understand something, the people of Noah’s time did not know that Noah had entered his Ark, they continued eating and drinking and partying and marrying and giving in marriage until the flood came and carried all of them away.

This is exactly what is happening today, no one is taking notice, despite copious evidence that we are in the time that the Bible says will lead to the coming of Christ, everyone seems to be so busy and occupied with the cares and troubles of this fleeting times.

The times of the gentiles has ended.

On this thread, I showed that a Noah-type of flood is on the way, and these past few days I have also been shouting stridently that people should run into the Ark of God. If after all the warnings, you still are caught napping, you have only yourself to blame.

The snail made the ark while the hare did not
The tortoise made it while the horse did not.
The sloth made the ark, but sadly, the cheetah did not.

Mathew 24:37-39
For as in the days of Noe were, so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.
38 For as in the days that were before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the Ark,
39 And knew not until the flood came, and took them all away; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be

They did not know that Noah had entered the Ark!
They did not know that Noah had entered the Ark!
They did not know that Noah had entered the Ark!



Brethren, we all need to understand something, the people of Noah’s time did not know that Noah had entered his Ark, they continued eating and drinking and partying and marrying and giving in marriage until the flood came and carried all of them away.

This is exactly what is happening today, no one is taking notice, despite copious evidence that we are in the time that the Bible says will lead to the coming of Christ, everyone seems to be so busy and occupied with the cares and troubles of this fleeting times.

The times of the gentiles has ended.

On this thread, I showed that a Noah-type of flood is on the way, and these past few days I have also been shouting stridently that people should run into the Ark of God. If after all the warnings, you still are caught napping, you have only yourself to blame. How To Get Real 2023 jamb expo.
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The snail made the ark while the hare did not
The tortoise made it while the horse did not.
The sloth made the ark, but sadly, the cheetah did not.

Mathew 24:37-39
For as in the days of Noe were, so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.
38 For as in the days that were before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the Ark,
39 And knew not until the flood came, and took them all away; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be

They did not know that Noah had entered the Ark!
They did not know that Noah had entered the Ark!
They did not know that Noah had entered the Ark!

GET IMMEDIATE ANSWERS FROM PRAYERS WITH VIRGIN MARY-BRO FRANCIS
Revealing kingdom secrets .1.


You don't have to ask Virgin Mary for her intercession, instead you use her merits before the presence of God.

Download video Cloning App For yahoo , Jesus Christ said that John the Baptist is the greatest man on earth , but the least person in heaven is greater than him.(Mt 11:11)

This form of prayer was used by Prophet Moses when his prayers to God was refused(Exodus 32:7-12)

PROPHET MOSES then changed his prayers to what I am about to teach here and God answered his prayers immediately.(Exodus 32:13-14)

He tapped from the merits of holy men long dead.

He prayed like this " FOR THE SAKE (REMEMBER)OF ABRAHAM , ISSAC AND JACOB , GOD DO IT FOR ME.

So pray like this if God has rejected your request before him.
"GOD, FOR THE SAKE ( REMEMBER) OF THE BLESSED VIRGIN MARY , ANSWER MY PRAYERS ".

cloning app for android , If God can change his mind and grant you favour for sake of Abraham,Isaac and Jacob; he can do same for sake of Virgin Mary .

I have used this method of prayer successfully several times.

BRO FRANCIS
Listen to my Podcast EXPERIENCING CHRIST on Several podcast platforms like Anchor.fm, Spotify, listen notes, Google podcasts, Radio Public, Pocket Cast, Copy RSS, Breaker.

For if we sin willfully after we have received the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a certain fearful expectation of judgment, and fiery indignation which will devour the adversaries . . . Of how much worse punishment, do you suppose, will he be thought worthy who has trampled the Son of God underfoot, counted the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified a common thing, and insulted the Spirit of grace?
Hebrews 10:26–27, 29

In preaching the total forgiveness of sins and assurance of salvation, I am often asked, But Pastor Prince, doesn’t the Bible say in Hebrews 10 that if we sin willfully, we can lose our salvation and expect God’s “judgment, and fiery indignation”? Exajubancer Blog aun

Many believers are taught this today, and as a result, they become sin-conscious—always mindful and worried about their “willful sins,” and God’s judgment to come. When something bad does happen to them (they blow a tire on the road or contract a disease, for example), they immediately attribute it to God’s judgment of their mistakes. My dear reader, having this fear and perpetual judgment-consciousness is not how God the Father wants us to live.

I submit to you that almost every sin we commit after being saved (the exceptions being sins we commit unconsciously) is committed willfully. So this can’t be what Hebrews 10:26 is talking about or every believer would be living each day expecting God’s judgment and fiery indignation! What does it mean, then, to “sin willfully”? Is it something that a believer can do?

The first thing we need to understand is that the book of Hebrews was written to the Hebrews, or Jewish people (which included believers as well as nonbelievers). Hebrews 10:26, in particular, is addressing Jewish brethren who had received “the knowledge of the truth” (the Lord Jesus as their Messiah and His finished work), but never received this truth into their hearts. They heard the truth about Jesus, but were still going back to the temple to offer animal sacrifices for their sins.

This was an insult to the Spirit of grace, because they were flatly rejecting the Lord Jesus, Who in His great grace had offered Himself as the perfect and final sacrifice for their sins at Calvary. Clearly, in context, to “sin willfully” is to commit the specific sin of knowing the truth that Jesus is the final sacrifice, and yet choosing not to accept His finished work.

So you see, these verses are not targeted at believers. They are not addressing or referring to Christians who are “backsliding” or “going astray”; nor do they refer to Christians who sin in a moment of weakness or temptation. Genuine believers in Christ cannot commit this sin, simply because they have already believed in Jesus’ sacrifice and put their trust in the Lord’s finished work, and they are certainly not going back to any temple to offer animal sacrifices for sin. There is a massive difference between the two!

So what does God’s Word say when it comes to judgment and His children? The Greek word for “judgment” in Hebrews 10:27 is krisis, which means a sentence of “condemnation and punishment.” Now, turn with me to John 5:24 and read Jesus’ own words: “Most assuredly, I say to you, he who hears My word and believes in Him who sent Me has everlasting life, and shall not come into judgment [krisis], but has passed from death into life.” The same word for “judgment” (krisis) used in Hebrews 10:27 is used here in this scripture regarding believers.

My friend, can anything be clearer and more transparent? What is it that God wants us to be assured of? That we believers will never come into krisis judgment! We have passed from death into life. True believers need never fear the Lord’s judgment as all of the fire of judgment fell fully on our Lord at Calvary. Don’t let anyone rob you of your full assurance of salvation in Christ today. Amen!

This devotional is taken from the book Glorious Grace—100 Daily Readings from Grace Revolution.

WHICH FOOD DESERVES TO BE
THE BOSS
OF ALL*

BEANS: I am not suppose to be
arguing with
you guys. Everyone loves .
POTATOES: Na audio love, no be all of
them
dey eat you.
BEANS: I am already the king with or
without a
crown, na me be number one for this
Unit, my
face show, my shoe shine, my teeth .
RICE: Must we even argue about this?
Everyone loves me, any function or
party you
go to, it's me you will see there, if I'm
not there
that means the party never dey sup be .
Children loves me, adult loves me.
Some
families can't go two days without
cooking me.
No cap I am the king of all foods.
YAM: You that people can't buy, you
are
calling yourself king.
POTATOES: See kettle calling pot
black. You
wey dey talk, people fit buy you? Eh
yam
answer me?
YAM: Potatoes I no get your time. As I
was
saying, people love me because I can
be
prepared in different ways; boiled,
pottage,
fried and when pounded I am the king
of all
swallows with egusi sitting next to me
as my
queen.
EGUSI: Awwnn! You're making me
blush ,stop
it.
OKRA: (Whispering to Vegetable) Upon
all the
draw wey I dey draw I can't still draw
this guys
(pounded yam) .
POTATOES: Must you rub your
relationship on Exajubancer
our single faces?
SPAGHETTI: I should be the one to be
crowned as the king of all foods.
POTATOES: See small nyansh dey
shake o!
SPAGHETTI: I no blame you ,people
wey tall
dey talk, you wey be dwarf dey follow
talk.
INDOMIE: (laughing) that was harsh
bro.
SPAGHETTI: As I was saying, I should
be the
king because I am very fast to prepare
and
require less ingredients. Ask a student
who just
came back from class and see what he
or she
will tell you.
BEANS: (laughs)
INDOMIE: Bia...Spaghetti, that your
last line is
absolutely me and not you.
(Indomie and Spaghetti gets in a heated
argument)
Then garri walks in and everywhere
silent.

A son asked his father why is it that you don't allow mother to sleep every night. Exajubancer replied - Video Cloning App moo. ... He said
Na waitin I do born you, then his son asked him daddy waitin b dat he said gangolova then his son said ehh! na that thing we d use play for school u da do mummy he said yes. He went to school and told his school teacher I want you to stop my dad from using my mum to do gangolova and the teacher said what is gangolova he said is that gangolova in our field.

I get asked more questions on Hebrews 10:26 than any other verse in the Bible. Evidently, this is a verse that troubles many Christians:

If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left (Heb 10:26)

Wow! That looks scary! Let’s take a quick survey. Please put your hand up if you have lived a sinless life since accepting Jesus as your Savior. Hmmm. I don’t see any hands. I have been saved for decades and – if I’m honest with you – I cannot say my performance has been flawless throughout that period. I’m pretty sure I sinned this one time back in 1987…

Ha! It’s easy for me to make jokes. I’ve been set free. I no longer mine at the pits of religion with condemnation. I’m drawing from the wells of salvation with joy!

The wrong way to interpret Hebrews 10:26

All jokes aside, Hebrews 10:26 is an oft-abused scripture. Moo How To Get Jamb 2023 Expo - How To Get Jamb 2023 Expo cbt Moo - If you wanted to use this verse to scare people, there are a couple of angles you could take:

1. You could use this verse to present a “balanced” view of God, like this: “He is a God of grace and He is a God of judgment. He’s not some senile Santa in the sky. He’s a God of vengeance and a consuming fire. It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.”

2. You could also use this verse to preach works: “You will be judged according to the light of your revelation and those who have received the knowledge of the truth will be held to the highest standard. It’s time for judgment to begin in the house of God. If you fall away it is impossible to be brought back to repentance!”

What is the problem with these messages? Well if you listen to the first one you’re going to come away thinking that God is schizophrenic, at war with His own nature. He loves you, but He doesn’t. It’s unconditional love – with conditions. And if you listen to the second you will either end up a religious fraud or a nervous wreck. You may even wish that you had never heard the gospel because ignorance is bliss.

The tricky part with these false messages is that they are composed of true statements. Our God is a consuming fire. But the interpretation is all wrong. They are anti-cross and anti-Christ. Any message that tells you that God is double-minded or that the good news is bad news ought to be rejected. You know that, right? Good. So how do we read Hebrews 10:26?

Trampling the Son of God under foot

A key to unpackaging this scripture is to recall the audience. Hebrews was written for – surprise, surprise – Hebrews. It was for those who have grown up with the “elementary teachings” of the Old Covenant. In other words, the author writes for an informed audience. They know all about the law, sacrifices, and high priests. But what they may not appreciate is that the law was only a shadow of the good things to come. The law points to the true high priest Jesus and His eternally perfect sacrifice.

Hebrews was written to reveal Christ and His work so that we may “enter through the new and living way,” “go on to maturity,” and “draw near to God.” That last bit is the key. How do I know the two sermonettes above are carnal nonsense? Because neither will inspire you to draw near to God. Indeed, they will have the opposite effect.
Hebrews 10:26 describes those who have received the knowledge of the truth (i.e., they have heard the gospel) but they have rejected it. The writer compares those who reject grace with those who reject law:

Anyone who rejected the law of Moses died without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. How much more severely do you think a man deserves to be punished who has trampled the Son of God under foot, who has treated as an unholy thing the blood of the covenant that sanctified him, and who has insulted the Spirit of grace? (Heb 10:28-29)

This passage is not talking about Christians but those who, like Judas, have heard the truth and spurned it. Judas spent time in the company of the Lord. He not only heard the truth, he saw Grace and Truth in the flesh. But Judas rejected Jesus as Lord. He never saw Jesus as anything other than a rabbi. Calling Jesus “Rabbi” is a bit like calling the President “Mister,” only infinitely more so. It’s not just insulting, it’s unbelief.

Jesus came to give His life for Judas but Judas wasn’t interested. He preferred his own sinful life of greed and betrayal. I am sure Judas had many opportunities to repent (i.e., change his mind) and put his faith in Jesus, but he never did. He rejected the grace of God that could empower him to say no to sin.

Jesus died for Judas. What more could He do? There is nothing! There is no more sacrifice for sins other than the one Jesus provided. To reject Jesus as Lord is to trample the Son of God underfoot and treat the blood of the covenant as unholy.

How do you insult the Spirit of grace?

If I was to give you a free car out of the generosity of my heart, but you insisted on paying for it, I would be insulted. Similarly, we insult the Spirit of grace by trying to pay, with works and sacrifices, what God has freely given us. We may call it “proving our salvation” or “appropriating what God has given” but it is unbelief. It is like saying, “I don’t believe Jesus has done it all. I need to finish what He started.”
The wrong way to read Hebrews is to think that God is judging us on our performance. Over and over again Hebrews tells us that it is Jesus and His performance that matters. It is His sacrifice that made us holy, indeed, perfect forever (Heb 10:10-14). How can we interpret Hebrews 10:26 as a warning against sin when Hebrews 9:26 says that Christ appeared once for all “to do away with sin by the sacrifice of Himself”? Is His a finished work or isn’t it? If it is, then sin is no longer the problem. Where there is remission of sins, “there is no longer any sacrifice for sin” (Heb 10:18). The good news is that the Son of God is the once and final solution for sin. Because of Jesus, both God the Father and God the Holy Spirit choose to remember our sins no more (see Heb 8:12, 10:17).

The warning of Hebrews

In a forthcoming post I will look at Hebrews 6:4-6 , which is another passage that bothers some. But the punch-line is the same. The main warning of Hebrews is not in regard to sin but unbelief:

So we see that they were not able to enter, because of their unbelief. (Heb 3:19)

The Hebrews of Moses’ day never entered God’s rest because they hardened their hearts to His voice. In the New Testament era, many Jews were doing exactly the same thing. They received the knowledge of truth, they heard the gospel of grace, but they rejected it. They may not have said so in so many words, but by their actions they revealed their distrust.

For we also have had the gospel preached to us, just as they did; but the message they heard was of no value to them, because those who heard did not combine it with faith. (Heb 4:2)

The author of Hebrews writes to stir up faith. Without it we cannot please God. With it we can come boldly to the throne of grace.

But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved. (Heb 10:39)

Some people hear the good news of God’s grace and shrink back. They cannot believe it. “It’s too good to be true,” they say. “I’d better cover myself by doing works.” Do you see the danger? You cannot cover yourself. This is idol-worship. You are elevating yourself to co-savior with Christ. You are insulting the Spirit of grace by trying to pay for what God has already given you. This is why sermons that put the emphasis on you and your performance are dangerous. Don’t buy into any message that purports to give you a list of keys or steps that will help you achieve/accomplish/appropriate what you already have. It is impossible for the blood of bulls and the sweat of men to take away sins and it is faithless to strive for what you already have (every good thing!).

According to Hebrews there are only two kinds of people; those who don’t enter because of their unbelief and those who believe and are saved. Sin is not the variable; faith is. Where does faith come from? Jesus! He is the Author and Perfecter of our faith (Heb 12:2). Fix your eyes on Him.

El Elohe Yahshrael!

Do you wonder why the society is the way it is even with all your numerous "churches"? Well, wonder no more.

Matthew 7: 23 And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!’

Matthew 7: 23 Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’

Matthew 22: 36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
37 Yahushua replied: How to get Jamb Expo 2023 Moo pay.
“‘Love YHVH your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Luke 18: 18 A certain ruler asked him, “Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” 19 “Why do you call me good?” Yahushua answered. “No one is good—except YHVH alone. 20 You know the commandments: ‘You shall not commit adultery, you shall not murder, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, honor your father and mother.’” 21 “All these I have kept since I was a boy,” he said. 22 When Yahushua heard this, he said to him, “You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

Matthew 24: 12 Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold,

Matthew 24: 12 And because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold.

2 Peter 2: 12 But these people blaspheme in matters they do not understand. They are like unreasoning animals, creatures of instinct, born only to be caught and destroyed, and like animals they too will perish. 13 They will be paid back with harm for the harm they have done. Their idea of pleasure is to carouse in broad daylight. They are blots and blemishes, reveling in their pleasures while they feast with you. 14 With eyes full of adultery, they never stop sinning; they seduce the unstable; they are experts in greed—an accursed brood! 15 They have left the straight way and wandered off to follow the way of Balaam son of Bezer, who loved the wages of wickedness.

Philippians 3: For, as I have often told you before and now tell you again even with tears, many live as enemies of the stake of the Messiah. 19 Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is set on earthly things.

Do yourself a favor. Study the Scriptures for yourself and depend only on the Spirit of truth for guidance by obeying the Commandments of YHVH Almighty, the Father in heaven.

Indeed:

Psalm 19: The law of YHVH is perfect,
refreshing the soul.
The statutes of YHVH are trustworthy,
making wise the simple.
8 The precepts of YHVH are right,
giving joy to the heart.
The commands of YHVH are radiant,
giving light to the eyes.
9 The fear of YHVH is pure,
enduring forever.
The decrees of YHVH are firm,
and all of them are righteous.

El Elohe Yahshrael! Hallelu YAH!

Mr.Chinedu(father),Mrs.Chinedu(mother),Chinedu Charles(son).
Mr.chinedu bought a lie detector robot to know if the device really works due to its hype by his office colleagues;on his way back from the office going home.Mr.Chinedu gets home,freshened up and joined his wife and son at the dinning table with the robot powered.
Father:Charles, what were you doing today when your mum and i went to our places of work. Exajubancer
Charles:i was busy reading(robot slaps him)
Father:Are you sure?
Son:No,i was watching movies(robot slaps again)
Father:Will you confess now b4 i descend on you.
Son:Yes,i was watching porn.
Father:What!,when i was ur age,i never knew what porn was[robot slaps father].
[Father beats son severely].
Mother:my dear,please stop beating him he is your son for crying out loud.[robot slaps mother].