Romanoff:
This same matter.

Out of 70 tubers of yam, my mum got only 5.

Out of several crates of soft drink, na only give pieces of Malta guinness them give my mama, then a bottle of palm oil out of 25 litres of oil.

If those old men meet me on the road, they don't know me. They didn't know how I went to school from nursery to masters.

But they collected everything in the bridal list.

How long we wan continue like this.

Your grandfather also benefited from this setting. It is called culture.

Ladycewhy:
The question is who started the bride price system? No one asked you about sharing formula.

What kind of nonsense question is this?

Why not ask God who specifically instructed parents in the Holy Books with the command "when you give out your daughter, so and so should be" or ask your parents.

bluskyee:
Your grandfather also benefited from this setting. It is called culture.

It is a crappy culture.

All through Nigeria, people have paid exorbitant pride price both in gold, expensive wrappers, cows, money, drums of kaikai etc.
Done to.es when you convert those things to money, that's really huge sum.

Wonder why igbo is always the problem though I think this very family is very poor. How will they sell their sis like cow?
And the kinsmen shouldn't share that money. Strictly for her family. They have ùmùnna stuff.


Maybe na Abuja kinda marriage.

MadamExcellency:


What kind of nonsense question is this?

Why not ask God who specifically instructed parents in the Holy Books with the command "when you give out your daughter, so and so should be" or ask your parents.

It's nonsense cos you lack the sense to come up with an answer. The holy book was brought to your ancestors in one hand and dane guns in the name other,so next time you want to make reference stick to your origin.

Romanoff:
This same matter.

Out of 70 tubers of yam, my mum got only 5.

Out of several crates of soft drink, na only give pieces of Malta guinness them give my mama, then a bottle of palm oil out of 25 litres of oil.

If those old men meet me on the road, they don't know me. They didn't know how I went to school from nursery to masters.

But they collected everything in the bridal list.

How long we wan continue like this.

Don't your mother and the village women have their separate lists?

bluskyee:
Bros 300k bride price is small. Bride price is a subset of a wedding proceeding.

What they posted here is fake information, in the first place bride price money can never be shared by the elders as they wrote their, nothing concerns elders sharing or even being the ones to give the mother of the bride N5000 it's not culture at all its all lies and fake, bride price is determined by the elders with the parents of the bride present and whatever money realize goes to the parents of the bride, mother and father infact the guy who posted that rubbish on Twitter was even saying he was expecting to be given a share of the money that is wrong, bride price is solely paid to the parents of the bride, elders can not get a share of the money, it's fake information it's not a culture of any tribe at all, infact any body saying bride price is 300k doesn't know any thing about paying a woman's dowry, research and find out, not everything you read online you believe, I drop my pen.

anochuko01:


So the aim of training my daughters well is for me to be able to cash out during their wedding?

Only hungry families would ask for 300k as brideprice, especially when the woman who trained the daughter was only able to get 5k. After eating the 300k they'll still return to fleece on the couple.

Guys should be careful of the kind of family they're gonna marry from.

If I were to marry as I have planned (God's willing) my minimum budget should be 500k for bride price. I am not marrying a nonentity. Bride price ain't fixed but I can't tell my girlfriend that I am paying 300k for bride price cos she is on a deputy manager's grade (credit risk manager) with a commercial bank. We spend more than than on a short vacation. I don't know if you get my point.

Ladycewhy:
The girls parents where according to history the man was responsible for decision making in a patriarch society.

Look at it this way. As a premise let us agree that a custom will die out if it does not have enough people in support of it. Following this, we can also make a basic assumption, reasonably inferring that no young man would have enjoyed having to transfer his wealth to another in the name of marriage. The beneficiaries, therefore, were the receiving men, and not all men. This means that at least half of the male society at any given point in time would have likely opposed brideprice.

If women did not accept the bride price paying institution, then the totality of women and the half of men who rejected it, would have outnumbered the few men who did accept it. Under this climate, mothers would have stood up to their husbands. Girls would have defied their fathers. The practice would have died.

However, it ha ssurvived. That suggests widespread societal acceptance of the majority, as against the few who we can infer were against the practice (young men of marriageable age).

Logic supports these deductions. Women of that time had nothing to lose in the transaction. It was the man who paid. On the other hand, it was a thing of pride for a woman if her man was seen as wealthy.

pocohantas:


Doing the marriage in USA won’t automatically reduce the list, you will either monetize it and send or get a home-based person to buy it all. The problem is the mindset, the formation they come with. They come like hungry lions. Some of them can’t even pick out the bride from ten ladies, but their eyes go dey chook inside everything.

They do not have a problem with you not inviting them, just send the money to them. If you don’t, the repercussions would be waiting for both you and your children’s children.

Which repercussions?
Jokes on people that take such bullshit serious.

pocohantas:


They sowed by having prick. Seems you didn’t get the memo. Once you have prick in Nigeria (the size is irrelevant) you have sown into the life of every woman.



No part of my post made reference to SUBMISSION. Na you know wetin dey choke you.

So dick is a necessity now right?...but pussies gets to cash out more

Ladycewhy:
Excuse me but burying a king with seven human heads was also at a time culture and traditions too.

jeez, must u complicate everything, this your response doesn't correlate with this post, madam......

pocohantas:


You gave them something. You should have given them nothing, then we would have a conversation.

Negotiation has always been a norm.

Guy as I said I'm not ready to give them anything, I just pity them because they were begging me to give them something to go home with. The simple message was, if they have daughters that have married and I never eat any penny from the marriage of their daughters, what justifications do they have to eat the pride price of my sister when they never contribute penny for up bringing?

MartinsD12:

What they posted here is fake information, in the first place bride price money can never be shared by the elders as they wrote their, nothing concerns elders sharing or even being the ones to give the mother of the bride N5000 it's not culture at all its all lies and fake, bride price is determined by the elders with the parents of the bride present and whatever money realize goes to the parents of the bride, mother and father infact the guy who posted that rubbish on Twitter was even saying he was expecting to be given a share of the money that is wrong, bride price is solely paid to the parents of the bride, elders can not get a share of the money, it's fake information it's not a culture of any tribe at all, infact any body saying bride price is 300k doesn't know any thing about paying a woman's dowry, research and find out, not everything you read online you believe, I drop my pen.

I am not interested in the money (of course it is low). My point is let tradition/culture be. If that is the culture, respect it. If elder takes all, respect. I exalt my ancestors and I don't like people talking down about their culture

Odidigboigbo:
tah, no repercussion. When my sister was married the same so called elders came like a hungry lion. I told my brother in-law to relaxed for me to handle the situation. After enlightening them and asking them some heartfelt questions about how we grew up because we lost our father at a very tender age, they were ashamed of themselves. At the end we gave them three cartoon of beer, one crate of malt, 10 Kola nut, one bottle of 501 and 5000. That was after my mum intervention because I was not ready to give them anything except the ones they will eat there. They never give me any share from their daughter's marriage, why would they share from my sister marriage when they did not contribute a penny for her up bringing?

Nna m o! u be man! dat is y I feel the story is a lie. How can d elders in ur fathers family marry ur sister off without u being involved? N u r expecting to collect from ur mum's share? As old as he is even his father's brother has no right to over step him when it is his sister dat is bn married. They know d guy doesn't know his right, or he is lieing.

Ladycewhy:
It's nonsense cos you lack the sense to come up with an answer. The holy book was brought to your ancestors in one hand and dane guns in the name other,so next time you want to make reference stick to your origin.

Stop being rude and stupid at the same time.

My brother married recently in Imo State. There were men's list, women's list, mother's list, father's list and the bride price. We decided to do it with money. The men collected N120,000 only while the women collected N110,000 and insisted we still buy some items from the list.
I have forgotten the exact cost of father's list and the mother's list.

The bride price is separate from those lists hence neither the mother nor the women were left empty handed nor were they cheated.

sisisioge:


I honestly still find it hard to understand the Igbo marriage initiation system. How could strangers reap where they did not sow bikonu? Is it too much to do the wedding in the brides compound minus all those extended kinsmen? Or do kukuma somewhere the wife's father is based whether na Lagos o abi na Kano....that will also reduce the perpetual list considerably.

15 crates of malt for youth.
5 bags of rice for the youths
40 kegs of wine for the kinsmen
50 baskets of kolanut for the elders

He didn't mention anywhere in the post that he's Igbo. So, why are trying to drag the great Igbo race into this?

LINTUNE:
jeez, must u complicate everything, this your response doesn't correlate with this post, madam......

So that the next time you want to talk to me about culture and traditions you know just how barbaric your so called culture and traditions can be.

Romanoff:


It is a crappy culture.

You are not an authority in cultural proceedings. Your opinion doesn't count.

bluskyee:
Poco, I am a bit disappointed, this is tradition. It was not there because of you or anyone. Your grandfather might have benefited from this setting. You don't see other tribes talk about their culture in disparaging terms. If it is an elder takes all tradition, respect it and move on. I exalt my ancestors and it is pure ignorance to criticise your culture because you think someone else is cashing out

What if your ancestors were 0sus.... would you still exalt it.

Odidigboigbo:
Guy as I said I'm not ready to give them anything, I just pity them because they were begging me to give them something to go home with. The simple message was, if they have daughters that have married and I never eat any penny from the marriage of their daughters, what justifications do they have to eat the pride price of my sister when they never contribute penny for up bringing?

You should have given them nothing. When you do that, come back for this conversation.

Plead:


Which repercussions?
Jokes on people that take such bullshit serious.

It is people that don’t know these elders that will be doing strong head with them. Well, you also have the option of cutting them off for life. You just have to check if it is worth it.

MadamExcellency:


Stop being rude and stupid at the same time.

My brother married recently in Imo State. There were men's list, women's list, mother's list, father's list and the bride price. We decided to do it with money. The men collected N120,000 only while the women collected N110,000 and insisted we still buy some items from the list.
I have forgotten the exact cost of father's list and the mother's list.

The bride price is separate from those lists hence neither the mother nor the women were left empty handed nor were they cheated.

Again who asked you for sharing formula ,or you are too daft? let's not not forget that it's the same sharing formula that created this thread.


I am just concerned about how it all started ,but if your brain cells are not ready for that conversation, do well to exit my mention.

JohnSin97:


What if your ancestors were 0sus.... would you still exalt it.

You are changing the subject!

when the eastern folk say elders, who are these elders ? are they elders of flesh from the family meaning uncles and grandfather ? or is it some old stranger who is an elder by virtue of being the oldest men in the village ?

SmartyPants:


Look at it this way. As a premise let us agree that a custom will die out if it does not have enough people in support of it. Following this, we can also make a basic assumption, reasonably inferring that no young man would have enjoyed having to transfer his wealth to another in the name of marriage. The beneficiaries, therefore, were the receiving men, and not all men. This means that at least half of the male society at any given point in time would have likely opposed brideprice.

If women did not accept the bride price paying institution, then the totality of women and the half of men who rejected it, would have outnumbered the few men who did accept it. Under this climate, mothers would have stood up to their husbands. Girls would have defied their fathers. The practice would have died.

However, it ha ssurvived. That suggests widespread societal acceptance of the majority, as against the few who we can infer were against the practice (young men of marriageable age).

Logic supports these deductions. Women of that time had nothing to lose in the transaction. It was the man who paid. On the other hand, it was a thing of pride for a woman if her man was seen as wealthy.

Let's take the example of this particular case , even the bride's brother didn't get anything and he is even afraid of speaking up lest they send him to the evil forest.


I am sure his father benefited from the bride price of others ,and others are here to eat from his daughter ,and I am sure this young man complaining will one day be like "they ate from my sister" me too go eat, and so that is how it has survived ,the culprit here is the greed of the average black man. No one wants to be short changed ,try it now you will hear" you are other people's own ,now you daughter is of age ,you want to abolish it ".

Romanoff:


It is a crappy culture.

i wouldnt say its a crappy culture. you raised the girl all your life with money time and sweat so i see the virtue in a suitor paying some compensation for all that effort. where i draw the line is if the beneficiary of the compensation did not have a hand in raising the girl.

now having said all that i really dont think i will want to be with a woman whose family has this mindset. i like free thinking families who dont see their daughters as investments but as humans of their own who they will set free when it is time to fly out of the nest. no transactions involved. just a prayer that she chose the right guy who will take good care of her

sisisioge:


I honestly still find it hard to understand the Igbo marriage initiation system. How could strangers reap where they did not sow bikonu? Is it too much to do the wedding in the brides compound minus all those extended kinsmen? Or do kukuma somewhere the wife's father is based whether na Lagos o abi na Kano....that will also reduce the perpetual list considerably.

15 crates of malt for youth.
5 bags of rice for the youths
40 kegs of wine for the kinsmen
50 baskets of kolanut for the elders

This haggard har*** with receding hairline, stop visiting your frustration on Igbo culture and stop jumping into something you know nothing about its genesis always.

It's only foolish and deranged people that do form opinions or make conclusions on issues based on misinformation or lies or assume to be in the know of something beyond their understanding.

Foolish and deranged elements everywhere dispensing their toxins through misinformation and acceptance of lies, respectively.

The good thing is that you won't see any bona fide or sane Igbo son or daughter talking down on the Igbo culture. Only deranged and ostracised ones do, and only foolish and deranged outsiders give them the needed support to keep showcasing their madness.

bluskyee:
I am not interested in the money (of course it is low). My point is let tradition/culture be. If that is the culture, respect it. If elder takes all, respect. I exalt my ancestors and I don't like people talking down about their culture

And you think you are upholding tradition by supporting lies posted here, first lie 300k can never be bride price, second bride price is never shared by the elders bride price belongs to the parents of the bride, third bride price can never be collected nor shared to the brother or sister to the bride, if you know what culture and traditions is you won't be arguing any further, what is posted here it's no culture but a Twitter cruise.

Ladycewhy:
So that the next time you want to talk to me about culture and traditions you know just how barbaric your so called culture and traditions can be.

. obviously not all traditions are feasible in this era...perhaps, if the tradition favours women, you will see it as good?..in the western world and some developed countries , femincentric legislations are made to encourage misandry, hypergamy etc..I'm sure you won't see those laws as barbaric or bias..

LordKO:


This haggard har*** with receding hair, stop visiting your frustration on Igbo culture and stop jumping into something you know nothing about its genesis always.

It's only foolish and deranged people that do form opinions or make conclusions on issues based on misinformation or lies or assume to be in the know of something beyond their understanding.

Foolish and deranged elements everywhere dispensing their toxins through misinformation and acceptance of lies, respectively.

The good thing is that you won't see any bona fide or sane Igbo son or daughter talking down on the Igbo culture. Only deranged and ostracised ones do, and only foolish and deranged outsiders give them the needed support to keep showcasing their madness.

You honestly need to visit a doctor. If only to learn how to hold a conversation. Chai

Ladycewhy:
Let's take the example of this particular case , even the bride's sister didn't get anything and he is even afraid of speaking up lest they send him to the evil forest.


I am sure his father benefited from the bride price of others ,and others are here to eat from his daughter ,and I am sure this young man complaining will one day be like "they ate from my sister" me too go eat, and so that is how it has survived ,the culprit here is the greed of the average black man. No one wants to be short changed ,try it now you will here " you are other people's own ,now you daughter is of age ,you want to abolish it ".

You know he was joking about the evil forest part. But let me ask you, is this example typical of how it works? No it is not!

But even at that, still using your example, your point is defeated because at the end of the day, the primary intended beneficiary was the brides' mother, a woman. The implication is, the mother was happy with it. The girl was happy with it. No one resisted it. Because women have always been happy with the institution.

Therefore, as I posited, bride price was never an exclusively male creation. It was always a joint societal creation, and it is one whose extinction is primarily resisted by women today.

lekki1444:
when the eastern folk say elders, who are these elders ? are they elders of flesh from the family meaning uncles and grandfather ? or is it some old stranger who is an elder by virtue of being the oldest men in the village ?

Uncles...

We have “compounds” consisting of these uncles who are from the same forefather that definitely married numerous wives. These wives gave birth to sons, their sons married and gave birth to more sons. So the family tree kept growing and forming “elders”.

They always know the eldest and special recognition is given to him.