Gvnl:
Marriage is sweet when you learn to respect and love your partner with a touch of compromise as situation demands.

You want to enjoy your marriage? You can make that happen.

You prefer to endure in marriage? It's up to you.

Nonetheless, it takes mature minds to have and keep a successful home.

Na only woman marriage dey sweet mostly.
I think its a real scam!

chatinent:
While courting, you were better halves. What happens after marriage?


What happens after a week living together? and months, years? What happens to forever?


Does the love remain the same? Does it fade by itself? Are both parties always striving to resurrect it?


Of course, I understand it is not advisable to plunge into marriage!

What is life like in marriage?

What happens during a quarrel?

Does a partner always prove they are right?

Are there complaints? Complaints like one person washing the plates, and the other making it more tedious? Are there arguments about how the WC is to be used?


How and when are responsibilities shared?



What about insecurity?
Does it come on its own? Are there hidden thoughts one's partner may be cheating always?


What are the main responsibilities to keep a woman/man forever young in their hearts? What are the major needs?

What can make a woman still look very good even after childbirth?

Should the husband also do minor chores?

What happens when she becomes pregnant?

What is the major emotional need?

How is trust built?

To wives and husbands, what do you call satisfaction in a husband/wife? What needs does he/she fulfills make you feel satisfied?

What would you ever wish for?

Does the care and love remain the same?



I need experienced persons (married couples probably) to clarify me.


I've been thinking about these questions of late.

I understand your concerns. Couples are supposed to enjoy each other's company, amongst other things. However, some marriages these days are nothing to write home about and a lot of reasons can be responsible for this (PS my analysis are borne out of what I see around, but you can take these information to the bank):

1. Intending couples waste a lot of time on the ephemerals, forgetting the crux of what marriage entails. A man that focuses his attention on a woman's look/build (not that it is not important) whilst ignoring other things such as her personality, how she relates with family, friends and strangers, etc may end up disappointed when he is confronted with her ugly character. Whilst you may be attracted to a (wo)man based on looks/accent/fashion sense...please ensure that you do your due diligence on other aspects of these person so you can have a deeper understanding about the person you are about to marry.


2. Marrying for change. It is very bad to marry a partner hoping that (s)he changes. Unfortunately, that is one mistake a lot of couples have made and are still making. A man who smokes,drinks, womanizes; a woman who shows certain anti-marriage vices may not change even after marriage. Yes, change is inevitable, but this inevitability is not triggered by marriage and most couples realize this only after signing the dotted lines.

If a prospective couple displays traits that are deal breakers and has refused to change whilst courting, please let that person go.


3. Sexual compatibility: This is undoubtedly a reason for concern. If your partner's libido is high and you do not have the strength to meet up, its best you take a bow. Couples often times assume that this orientation would change after marriage, but it hardly does. This leaves the man at the mercy of sexual enhancers, disregarding the health risks that they trigger. The woman may also consider the use of aphrodisiacs that may put her on the ever-busy path of contracting cervical cancer.


4. Change is inevitable, but in some cases undesirable. Women should please ensure that they maintain a healthy weight even after marriage and childbirth. Men should please be patient with their wives as they try to bounce back. You don't have to cheat because your wife is out of shape. Woman,you don't have to keep eating as if food is going out of fashion, because there are a lot of desperate w***hes that are ever ready to take your place in your home. Please women, even though your fashion sense may slightly be altered after the junior and associates arrive, try and ensure that the change is not very drastic. Also make sure that the bedroom affairs remain hot. Be spontaneous!


5. Don't get married because you have come of age and/or because your peers have all settled. You should only marry when you are emotionally, mentally, spiritually and financially ready. I am of the opinion that a man should not be the sole financier in a marriage. Thus, woman, you have to earn your own money. I have also discovered that a woman who earns is respected by her husband and in-laws. Your in-laws won't have the tenacity to make baseless conclusions on the source of your wellbeing because they know that you earn.

6. Woman, whatever you earn should be for your family as well. Set out a percentage for your home. If you earn more than your husband, then you two should run a joint account, where you two would deposit a certain percentage monthly. This way, nobody feels less or more important than the other. This cheap talk of a woman's money is her money and that of her husband is their money needs to stop,whether it be a joke or not.

7. Husbands, please make a conscious effort to support your wives in the kitchen, especially if her job is tasking, when she is pregnant, nursing or indisposed. Don't listen to that voice in your head, telling you that as a man, you need not do that.

8. Marry your friend. A few married couples that I have related with would corroborate this fact. There will come a time where marital stress would zap out the love off your relationship. What would keep you going is friendship. So whilst you are courting or before that phase, try to build on friendship as well.
Let me stop for now


What I am trying to say is that marriage is fun and if couples can put in the work before and after getting married, it should be bliss galore.


Op, don't draw conclusions based on what you see around you. I feel you brought this here because you have found a jewel, but you are scared to commit. You need not be, set your own standards and live by it. Love/court with your head and you will enjoy nothing but bliss.

FalseProphet1:
Marriage has become terrible because sex is so cheap these days, the day girls learn to close their legs and preserve their chastity is the day marriages will begin to experience the blessings God created it to experience. You can turn yourself into a sperm bank and expect to enjoy your marriage...I see many more marriages crash because of premarital sex. This I have seen.

Why always place the blame on girls, can't men learn to stop fucking around, is it only girls that should learn to close their legs?
Haba

H2ho:
Marry a Virgin & have Peace of Mind.

Are you a virgin to be looking for one?

Do what ever works for you in marriage. But always put God first

JeffreyOraz:


Why always place the blame on girls, can't men learn to stop fucking around, is it only girls that should learn to close their legs?
Haba

I am a woman, but I also know that it is mostly my responsibility to make my home work. Women are gatekeepers, thus they have the power to allow or disallow whatever that would eventually manifest in their homes.

FalseProphet1:
Marriage has become terrible because sex is so cheap these days, the day girls learn to close their legs and preserve their chastity is the day marriages will begin to experience the blessings God created it to experience. You can turn yourself into a sperm bank and expect to enjoy your marriage...I see many more marriages crash because of premarital sex. This I have seen.

How about men not seeking for free sex, avoiding premarital sex? Everything is not about the girls, but about the men too. In fact men are supposed to be the ones leading, teaching people ideal values. The society has not failed because the women fail but because the men fail in their duty as brother, husband and father, because they fail to provide proper mentoring for young ones and children put under their care. If the men won't pay for cheap sex, prostitutes will disappear from our roads. They are there to satisfy the men hunger for illicit sex. Let stop putting everything on women. Both gender should share the responsibility of the rot in the society and men should have greater share.

Juliearth:





I am a woman, but I also know that it is mostly my responsibility to make my home work. Women are gatekeepers, thus they have the power to allow or disallow whatever that would eventually manifest in their homes.

You are wrong, when you see a woman who married a real man, A man strong and godly, you will understand that woman has less work to do. Women has been so brainwashed to believe that making marriage work is all their duty that many don't even bother to look out for strong and capable men to marry but simply settle for anything and work their ass out to make their marriage work while the man philander around. God created the man to lead, not the woman. Sin turned everything on its head, and create situations where women seek to dominate. In the beginning, it was never intended so, and God's original intention has not changed.

chatinent:
While courting, you were better halves. What happens after marriage?


What happens after a week living together? and months, years? What happens to forever?


Does the love remain the same? Does it fade by itself? Are both parties always striving to resurrect it?


Of course, I understand it is not advisable to plunge into marriage!

What is life like in marriage?

What happens during a quarrel?

Does a partner always prove they are right?

Are there complaints? Complaints like one person washing the plates, and the other making it more tedious? Are there arguments about how the WC is to be used?


How and when are responsibilities shared?



What about insecurity?
Does it come on its own? Are there hidden thoughts one's partner may be cheating always?


What are the main responsibilities to keep a woman/man forever young in their hearts? What are the major needs?

What can make a woman still look very good even after childbirth?

Should the husband also do minor chores?

What happens when she becomes pregnant?

What is the major emotional need?

How is trust built?

To wives and husbands, what do you call satisfaction in a husband/wife? What needs does he/she fulfills make you feel satisfied?

What would you ever wish for?

Does the care and love remain the same?



I need experienced persons (married couples probably) to clarify me.


I've been thinking about these questions of late.

everything becomes new u will learn new things including how to place milk properly in refrigerators lol

chatinent:
While courting, you were better halves. What happens after marriage?


What happens after a week living together? and months, years? What happens to forever?


Does the love remain the same? Does it fade by itself? Are both parties always striving to resurrect it?


Of course, I understand it is not advisable to plunge into marriage!

What is life like in marriage?

What happens during a quarrel?

Does a partner always prove they are right?

Are there complaints? Complaints like one person washing the plates, and the other making it more tedious? Are there arguments about how the WC is to be used?


How and when are responsibilities shared?



What about insecurity?
Does it come on its own? Are there hidden thoughts one's partner may be cheating always?


What are the main responsibilities to keep a woman/man forever young in their hearts? What are the major needs?

What can make a woman still look very good even after childbirth?

Should the husband also do minor chores?

What happens when she becomes pregnant?

What is the major emotional need?

How is trust built?

To wives and husbands, what do you call satisfaction in a husband/wife? What needs does he/she fulfills make you feel satisfied?

What would you ever wish for?

Does the care and love remain the same?



I need experienced persons (married couples probably) to clarify me.


I've been thinking about these questions of late.

people marry base on physical appearance and still look out for beautiful and handsome women, this particular aspect had crashed a lot of marriage .

just bear it in mind that if you marry someone beautiful or handsome today ,tomorrow you would still meet the ones more beautiful than the person you chose to spend your life with.

tete7000:


You are wrong, when you see a woman who married a real man, A man strong and godly, you will understand that woman has less work to do. Women has been so brainwashed to believe that making marriage work is all their duty that many don't even bother to look out for strong and capable men to marry but simply settle for anything and work their ass out to make their marriage work while the man philander around. God created the man to lead, not the woman. Sin turned everything on its head, and create situations where women seek to dominate. In the beginning, it was never intended so, and God's original intention has not changed.

There is no brainwashing here. Women are home makers and we have our tasks clearly marked out for us. Ever wondered why a woman is blamed if a marriage is troubled, even if that crisis was triggered by the man's misgivings? I would have suggested that you watch "the gatekeeper", a Mount Zion movie. Albeit old, it points out quite a few key lessons on the roles that a woman can play to make her home a success. A man cannot be saddled with these roles, because he needs to be out there to make money for his home.

The man also shoulders his own. In this part of the world, a woman pretty much has to make the home whilst the man makes the money (even though women have stepped up to this responsibility). Your ideology is stellar, but it is not attainable in most homes today.

I can't remember spurring women to play dominating roles at home. A women who earns and supports her spouse shouldn't be seen in the wrong light.

H2ho:
Marry a Virgin & have Peace of Mind.

Worst advice ever

Marriage is not an easy task.they say poverty is better than a nagging an hot temper woman.the day you marry hot temper woman na there your problem start.At the beginning the love is sweet as time goes on u see changes especially when the woman start giving birth that is when you see some men cheats.most times women are the course you see them stay without giving husband sex for months to even 3months saying am always tired ,nagging hear an there challenging the man when issues come up
some women go as far dressing like a prostitute in husband house as if they are meant for sale.Another aspect when a woman as nothing to contribute in marriage apart from sex that is another big issue.take it or leave it because many men no that in marriage sex is so cheap that young girls today are pleading with married men for love and constant sex.those young lad are ready to snatch a man from his wife anytime anyday.so for the woman be submissive to your husband respect him an never you claim right even if you are.dont use because you both quarel you go punish am with SEX when you no if you do you making matters worst an pushing him outside because sex is so cheap today like river flowing.Men learn to avoid unescessary things that will bring problem.That is the real truth anybody want to has peace in marriage should follow these rules.
.

Just live your life, as best as any reasonable person is consciousnessly supposed to. That is all. Every other thing falls into place. All the problems in the world, are consequences of people not consciously making an effort to do what is right.

What happens are realities as you get to see the full behaviour of each other, no perfect marriage. Manage and tolerate each other. You cannot get all the attributes you're expecting from your spouse. My advice

olisefom:
A one hundred years of sweet courtship does not necessarily translate to successful marriage.

Abeg increase the volume

Juliearth:





There is no brainwashing here. Women are home makers and we have our tasks clearly marked out for us. Ever wondered why a woman is blamed if a marriage is troubled, even if that crisis was triggered by the man's misgivings? I would have suggested that you watch "the gatekeeper", a Mount Zion movie. Albeit old, it points out quite a few key lessons on the roles that a woman can play to make her home a success. A man cannot be saddled with these roles, because he needs to be out there to make money for his home.

The man also shoulders his own. In this part of the world, a woman pretty much has to make the home whilst the man makes the money (even though women have stepped up to this responsibility). Your ideology is stellar, but it is not attainable in most homes today.

I can't remember spurring women to play dominating roles at home. A women who earns and supports her spouse shouldn't be seen in the wrong light.

I understand your point, a woman who supports her husband. I replied you because your response was ts to that of a person who wondered why all immoral misgivings must be blamed at girls' doorsteps. Men have leading role to play in the society. The society fails usually because men fail to lead. We should never teach our daughters to marry just any man for marrying sake. They must marry godly men who understand what marriage is all about. There are too many worldly, warped narratives about marriage that can easily confuse non-discernible minds. Narailand is full of such and I usually warn young people around me to be wary of what they swallow from social media, not usually a good place to look for marital advice. God is the author of marriage and irrespective of what the world preaches, his intention concerning what marriage should look like has not changed and he is ever willing to help those who look up to him navigate through difficult terrain of searching for and getting responsible and godly spouses.

philanthropic:
Marriage is a beautiful thing. The issue here is that we have many insincere and selfish people that are "ready" for marriage...

This answer ...this answer ...this answer sits so right...and I paraphrase, Girls don't marry for love, they marry who is "ready" ....kwantinue

Gvnl:
Marriage is sweet when you learn to respect and love your partner with a touch of compromise as situation demands.

You want to enjoy your marriage? You can make that happen.

You prefer to endure in marriage? It's up to you.

Nonetheless, it takes mature minds to have and keep a successful home.

Two lane street: you are either enjoying or enduring., Everyone gets a turn..not sure you can always enjoy...

For man, I am begging you in the name of whatever you believe in, as the situation of this country is getting worsen please never marry a lady that is not earning in anyway.... make sure shes working either government, private or business... if you think you raise money for wedding, what about after the wedding... life after wedding in Nigeria na hell if both ain't contributing... that's my advice

fait10:
una no dey sleep for this forum ni.

As nepa no gree bring light, wetin man go do?

Marriage is an institution just like a correctional center.
Your freedom is restricted and your desire becomes our desire, you think of your opposite before you think about yourself.

Choosing a marriage partner is like choosing a prison mate. It is better and an wise to choose a good prison mate that can tolerate you and help your situation while you both are in your prison room, sexually, emotionally, financially,morally, compassionately etc,, if not there will be a PRISON BREAK.
So choose your prison mate WISELY.

FalseProphet1:
Marriage has become terrible because sex is so cheap these days, the day girls learn to close their legs and preserve their chastity is the day marriages will begin to experience the blessings God created it to experience. You can turn yourself into a sperm bank and expect to enjoy your marriage...I see many more marriages crash because of premarital sex. This I have seen.

. Gbamm

FalseProphet1:
Marriage has become terrible because sex is so cheap these days, the day girls learn to close their legs and preserve their chastity is the day marriages will begin to experience the blessings God created it to experience. You can turn yourself into a sperm bank and expect to enjoy your marriage...I see many more marriages crash because of premarital sex. This I have seen.

so people just got married because of sex in the old days right?

My remarks here are based on personal experience (of 17 years in marriage) and observations made in the society:
(1) Prayer before and after marriage is highly essential: This is important because courtship and "love" will simply not take care of those spiritual parts of two different beings coming together to live together. When things want to go wrong in your marriage and you remember you pray before you settled down with him or her, you will go back to prayer( and not beer or prostitute or 'spiritial father')
(2) Sacrifice: I believe love is fundamental before two adults come together for marriage but SACRIFICE on both sides is an essential ingredients when you start living together. Both of you have to shift on occasions and come to centre line or you pretend to for peace to reign
(3) Leave like brother and sister but there must be senior between two of you, it is a norm in Africa for man to be senior partner in relationship . Man should be respected by his wife( and vice versa)
(4) If possible, your formative years in marriage(first five years) should be leave far away from areas where both of you grow together to avoid environmental and relatives pressures on your marriage. There are misunderstandings you will settled amicably with ease without external influence coming in.....leave your marriage and family issues out of social media, you need break from your regulars to lay solid foundation for your marriage.
(5)Childbirth tends to change woman physique and psyche hence man should avoid temptations to look elsewhere and woman should work on herself. Most married men have their extra marital experience between the time when their wife gets pregnant and nursing period.
(6) Discuss your finances and be opened with it, building wealth should be a common goal and it should be responsibility of both party to make your financial stability and growth a reality. Marriage pressures are largely narrowed down to two FINANCE and SEX, any man(or woman) that can take care of these two stand chances of 80% in marriage
(7) Be radical with each others concerning your marital sex life, be open to each other and find way to pleasure

Successfulone:
Wow this is interesting .... let me light � up to read more

Yh it's almost as if the people are being sincere in their replies.

Lexusgs430:




After marriage, you simply become brother and sister....

Lol...no be only brothers and sisters nah Cousins!

tete7000:


I understand your point, a woman who supports her husband. I replied you because your response was ts to that of a person who wondered why all immoral misgivings must be blamed at girls' doorsteps. Men have leading role to play in the society. The society fails usually because men fail to lead. We should never teach our daughters to marry just any man for marrying sake. They must marry godly men who understand what marriage is all about. There are too many worldly, warped narratives about marriage that can easily confuse non-discernible minds. Narailand is full of such and I usually warn young people around me to be wary of what they swallow from social media, not usually a good place to look for marital advice. God is the author of marriage and irrespective of what the world preaches, his intention concerning what marriage should look like has not changed and he is ever willing to help those who look up to him navigate through difficult terrain of searching for and getting responsible and godly spouses.

I understand you too and you sound like someone who is deeply rooted in biblical virtues. Proverbs 14:1 says “the wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” this scripture is a pointer to the fact that a woman can solely build or ruin her home, thus the connotation of a woman as the gate keeper.

franchasng:
Op stop listening to hearsay from people on issues of marriage, especially people on the internet aka social media platforms.....most of them will paint marriage as one evil institution or another maybe out of their own failed experience they then go about generalising.....whereas millions of people around Nigeria and all over the world are all enjoying blissful marriage, so aspire to be those enjoying being married and that's what you will get because "law of attraction" works in life. You can use the power of attraction to attract all the goods things you want in life to your life, and you can also attract the negative to yourself. So always focus on the positive.


Now talking from my own personal experience as a young married man.....I have no single regrets....in fact I am enjoying being married than being single because it seems my life is now more organized and purposeful than when I was single. Mind you, I was doing well financially when I got married so I didn't marry out of no choice, I married at my own pace, not that I was a rich guy as in million million dollars oh, but I think I should be considered among the buoyant guys Nigerians see as rich; 2 tokunbo cars, live in a flat, own some landed properties being developed, owned my own business and few travel experience lol......but despite all that, when I look back at when I was single and compare it with now that I am sweetly and happily married, I can boldly say that my life is more organized and peaceful now than then lol.


I and my wife didn't officially court for a long time, we were on and off boyfriend and girlfriend all thanks to my stubborn and womanizing self lol, and her too much shakara too. I liked my wife when I first met her, she was so sexy like I desire my ladies as in, but this girl was not yielding to my moves....she indirectly accepted graduate lady hoping that she would secure job with Shell soon lol.....jobs don cast.

Why do people refuse to get this simple fact? The only woman i want to ever lay my eyes on must be...
When the eye roams it will certainly roam home wether it likes to or not..
I'm not falling for that scam that the person you fall in love with will have a high probability of not having the statistics that you desire.
Thanks for ur candid post.

Run

Kebbiprince:

That's the mistake you guys make, virginity is still about the individual. You're not married and someone married is telling u the practical thing and you're here arguing. Okay go and marry a prostitute and come and tell us how far, stupid boy

Please keep quiet are you a virgin yourself or is virginity only for women alone.What does the virginity actually do to sustain the marriage because after the first night it is gone what else.The person is not married virginity adds nothing to marriage even the men who marry virgins some of them still cheat because they are dogs.You are not making any sense.
A prostitute can make a better wife than a so called virgin it depends on the preference of the man.

Adinije:
There's no manual to marriage, however, there are certain things that are necessary.


Openess

During courtship, most people lies about a lot of things which usually break the trust when found out. A distant cousin of mine told her then fiancee that she is a graduate whereas, she dropped out of school. After they became married. Husband was trying hard to help his wife secure a job, when he received the shocker. They are still together but things never remained the same.



Financial Stability

A lot of people undermine the importance of finance in marriage. Most people get married hoping that when the woman enter, they will struggle together. Trust me when I say you will always find yourself in a rocky place. Forget the love is all that matters crap. Love doesn't pay bills.



Sexual Compatibility

This is another topic people don't take serious. But very important. A lot of infidelities in marriages happen due to sexual incompatibility.

You have spoken well.

Matured response.