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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / What Happens After Marriage? How Would You Advise The Unmarried? (28052 Views)
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Re: What Happens After Marriage? How Would You Advise The Unmarried? by Lagoon0: 5:55am On Apr 07, 2021 |
Gvnl:Na only woman marriage dey sweet mostly. I think its a real scam! |
Re: What Happens After Marriage? How Would You Advise The Unmarried? by Juliearth(f): 5:57am On Apr 07, 2021 |
chatinent: I understand your concerns. Couples are supposed to enjoy each other's company, amongst other things. However, some marriages these days are nothing to write home about and a lot of reasons can be responsible for this (PS my analysis are borne out of what I see around, but you can take these information to the bank): 1. Intending couples waste a lot of time on the ephemerals, forgetting the crux of what marriage entails. A man that focuses his attention on a woman's look/build (not that it is not important) whilst ignoring other things such as her personality, how she relates with family, friends and strangers, etc may end up disappointed when he is confronted with her ugly character. Whilst you may be attracted to a (wo)man based on looks/accent/fashion sense...please ensure that you do your due diligence on other aspects of these person so you can have a deeper understanding about the person you are about to marry. 2. Marrying for change. It is very bad to marry a partner hoping that (s)he changes. Unfortunately, that is one mistake a lot of couples have made and are still making. A man who smokes,drinks, womanizes; a woman who shows certain anti-marriage vices may not change even after marriage. Yes, change is inevitable, but this inevitability is not triggered by marriage and most couples realize this only after signing the dotted lines. If a prospective couple displays traits that are deal breakers and has refused to change whilst courting, please let that person go. 3. Sexual compatibility: This is undoubtedly a reason for concern. If your partner's libido is high and you do not have the strength to meet up, its best you take a bow. Couples often times assume that this orientation would change after marriage, but it hardly does. This leaves the man at the mercy of sexual enhancers, disregarding the health risks that they trigger. The woman may also consider the use of aphrodisiacs that may put her on the ever-busy path of contracting cervical cancer. 4. Change is inevitable, but in some cases undesirable. Women should please ensure that they maintain a healthy weight even after marriage and childbirth. Men should please be patient with their wives as they try to bounce back. You don't have to cheat because your wife is out of shape. Woman,you don't have to keep eating as if food is going out of fashion, because there are a lot of desperate w***hes that are ever ready to take your place in your home. Please women, even though your fashion sense may slightly be altered after the junior and associates arrive, try and ensure that the change is not very drastic. Also make sure that the bedroom affairs remain hot. Be spontaneous! 5. Don't get married because you have come of age and/or because your peers have all settled. You should only marry when you are emotionally, mentally, spiritually and financially ready. I am of the opinion that a man should not be the sole financier in a marriage. Thus, woman, you have to earn your own money. I have also discovered that a woman who earns is respected by her husband and in-laws. Your in-laws won't have the tenacity to make baseless conclusions on the source of your wellbeing because they know that you earn. 6. Woman, whatever you earn should be for your family as well. Set out a percentage for your home. If you earn more than your husband, then you two should run a joint account, where you two would deposit a certain percentage monthly. This way, nobody feels less or more important than the other. This cheap talk of a woman's money is her money and that of her husband is their money needs to stop,whether it be a joke or not. 7. Husbands, please make a conscious effort to support your wives in the kitchen, especially if her job is tasking, when she is pregnant, nursing or indisposed. Don't listen to that voice in your head, telling you that as a man, you need not do that. 8. Marry your friend. A few married couples that I have related with would corroborate this fact. There will come a time where marital stress would zap out the love off your relationship. What would keep you going is friendship. So whilst you are courting or before that phase, try to build on friendship as well. Let me stop for now What I am trying to say is that marriage is fun and if couples can put in the work before and after getting married, it should be bliss galore. Op, don't draw conclusions based on what you see around you. I feel you brought this here because you have found a jewel, but you are scared to commit. You need not be, set your own standards and live by it. Love/court with your head and you will enjoy nothing but bliss. 21 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: What Happens After Marriage? How Would You Advise The Unmarried? by JeffreyOraz(m): 5:59am On Apr 07, 2021 |
FalseProphet1: Why always place the blame on girls, can't men learn to stop fucking around, is it only girls that should learn to close their legs? Haba 8 Likes |
Re: What Happens After Marriage? How Would You Advise The Unmarried? by JeffreyOraz(m): 6:02am On Apr 07, 2021 |
H2ho: Are you a virgin to be looking for one? 4 Likes |
Re: What Happens After Marriage? How Would You Advise The Unmarried? by Babyg0123: 6:07am On Apr 07, 2021 |
Do what ever works for you in marriage. But always put God first 1 Like |
Re: What Happens After Marriage? How Would You Advise The Unmarried? by Juliearth(f): 6:07am On Apr 07, 2021 |
JeffreyOraz: I am a woman, but I also know that it is mostly my responsibility to make my home work. Women are gatekeepers, thus they have the power to allow or disallow whatever that would eventually manifest in their homes. 1 Like |
Re: What Happens After Marriage? How Would You Advise The Unmarried? by tete7000(m): 6:09am On Apr 07, 2021 |
FalseProphet1: How about men not seeking for free sex, avoiding premarital sex? Everything is not about the girls, but about the men too. In fact men are supposed to be the ones leading, teaching people ideal values. The society has not failed because the women fail but because the men fail in their duty as brother, husband and father, because they fail to provide proper mentoring for young ones and children put under their care. If the men won't pay for cheap sex, prostitutes will disappear from our roads. They are there to satisfy the men hunger for illicit sex. Let stop putting everything on women. Both gender should share the responsibility of the rot in the society and men should have greater share. 13 Likes 5 Shares |
Re: What Happens After Marriage? How Would You Advise The Unmarried? by tete7000(m): 6:20am On Apr 07, 2021 |
Juliearth: You are wrong, when you see a woman who married a real man, A man strong and godly, you will understand that woman has less work to do. Women has been so brainwashed to believe that making marriage work is all their duty that many don't even bother to look out for strong and capable men to marry but simply settle for anything and work their ass out to make their marriage work while the man philander around. God created the man to lead, not the woman. Sin turned everything on its head, and create situations where women seek to dominate. In the beginning, it was never intended so, and God's original intention has not changed. 11 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: What Happens After Marriage? How Would You Advise The Unmarried? by Polyglot7pointO: 6:24am On Apr 07, 2021 |
chatinent:everything becomes new u will learn new things including how to place milk properly in refrigerators lol |
Re: What Happens After Marriage? How Would You Advise The Unmarried? by Nobody: 6:32am On Apr 07, 2021 |
chatinent: people marry base on physical appearance and still look out for beautiful and handsome women, this particular aspect had crashed a lot of marriage . just bear it in mind that if you marry someone beautiful or handsome today ,tomorrow you would still meet the ones more beautiful than the person you chose to spend your life with. 7 Likes |
Re: What Happens After Marriage? How Would You Advise The Unmarried? by Juliearth(f): 6:33am On Apr 07, 2021 |
tete7000: There is no brainwashing here. Women are home makers and we have our tasks clearly marked out for us. Ever wondered why a woman is blamed if a marriage is troubled, even if that crisis was triggered by the man's misgivings? I would have suggested that you watch "the gatekeeper", a Mount Zion movie. Albeit old, it points out quite a few key lessons on the roles that a woman can play to make her home a success. A man cannot be saddled with these roles, because he needs to be out there to make money for his home. The man also shoulders his own. In this part of the world, a woman pretty much has to make the home whilst the man makes the money (even though women have stepped up to this responsibility). Your ideology is stellar, but it is not attainable in most homes today. I can't remember spurring women to play dominating roles at home. A women who earns and supports her spouse shouldn't be seen in the wrong light. 2 Likes |
Re: What Happens After Marriage? How Would You Advise The Unmarried? by hustla(m): 6:46am On Apr 07, 2021 |
H2ho: Worst advice ever 1 Like |
Re: What Happens After Marriage? How Would You Advise The Unmarried? by tightpussy156: 6:47am On Apr 07, 2021 |
Marriage is not an easy task.they say poverty is better than a nagging an hot temper woman.the day you marry hot temper woman na there your problem start.At the beginning the love is sweet as time goes on u see changes especially when the woman start giving birth that is when you see some men cheats.most times women are the course you see them stay without giving husband sex for months to even 3months saying am always tired ,nagging hear an there challenging the man when issues come up some women go as far dressing like a prostitute in husband house as if they are meant for sale.Another aspect when a woman as nothing to contribute in marriage apart from sex that is another big issue.take it or leave it because many men no that in marriage sex is so cheap that young girls today are pleading with married men for love and constant sex.those young lad are ready to snatch a man from his wife anytime anyday.so for the woman be submissive to your husband respect him an never you claim right even if you are.dont use because you both quarel you go punish am with SEX when you no if you do you making matters worst an pushing him outside because sex is so cheap today like river flowing.Men learn to avoid unescessary things that will bring problem.That is the real truth anybody want to has peace in marriage should follow these rules. . 2 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: What Happens After Marriage? How Would You Advise The Unmarried? by Rocktation(f): 6:55am On Apr 07, 2021 |
Just live your life, as best as any reasonable person is consciousnessly supposed to. That is all. Every other thing falls into place. All the problems in the world, are consequences of people not consciously making an effort to do what is right. |
Re: What Happens After Marriage? How Would You Advise The Unmarried? by Eriokanmi: 6:57am On Apr 07, 2021 |
What happens are realities as you get to see the full behaviour of each other, no perfect marriage. Manage and tolerate each other. You cannot get all the attributes you're expecting from your spouse. My advice |
Re: What Happens After Marriage? How Would You Advise The Unmarried? by HARKsmart(m): 7:00am On Apr 07, 2021 |
olisefom: Abeg increase the volume 2 Likes |
Re: What Happens After Marriage? How Would You Advise The Unmarried? by tete7000(m): 7:09am On Apr 07, 2021 |
Juliearth: I understand your point, a woman who supports her husband. I replied you because your response was ts to that of a person who wondered why all immoral misgivings must be blamed at girls' doorsteps. Men have leading role to play in the society. The society fails usually because men fail to lead. We should never teach our daughters to marry just any man for marrying sake. They must marry godly men who understand what marriage is all about. There are too many worldly, warped narratives about marriage that can easily confuse non-discernible minds. Narailand is full of such and I usually warn young people around me to be wary of what they swallow from social media, not usually a good place to look for marital advice. God is the author of marriage and irrespective of what the world preaches, his intention concerning what marriage should look like has not changed and he is ever willing to help those who look up to him navigate through difficult terrain of searching for and getting responsible and godly spouses. 12 Likes 6 Shares |
Re: What Happens After Marriage? How Would You Advise The Unmarried? by Nobody: 7:09am On Apr 07, 2021 |
philanthropic:This answer ...this answer ...this answer sits so right...and I paraphrase, Girls don't marry for love, they marry who is "ready" ....kwantinue 1 Like |
Re: What Happens After Marriage? How Would You Advise The Unmarried? by Nobody: 7:11am On Apr 07, 2021 |
Gvnl:Two lane street: you are either enjoying or enduring., Everyone gets a turn..not sure you can always enjoy... |
Re: What Happens After Marriage? How Would You Advise The Unmarried? by zeedof(m): 7:13am On Apr 07, 2021 |
For man, I am begging you in the name of whatever you believe in, as the situation of this country is getting worsen please never marry a lady that is not earning in anyway.... make sure shes working either government, private or business... if you think you raise money for wedding, what about after the wedding... life after wedding in Nigeria na hell if both ain't contributing... that's my advice 3 Likes |
Re: What Happens After Marriage? How Would You Advise The Unmarried? by Nobody: 7:16am On Apr 07, 2021 |
fait10:As nepa no gree bring light, wetin man go do? 1 Like |
Re: What Happens After Marriage? How Would You Advise The Unmarried? by Yammyyammy: 7:21am On Apr 07, 2021 |
Marriage is an institution just like a correctional center. Your freedom is restricted and your desire becomes our desire, you think of your opposite before you think about yourself. Choosing a marriage partner is like choosing a prison mate. It is better and an wise to choose a good prison mate that can tolerate you and help your situation while you both are in your prison room, sexually, emotionally, financially,morally, compassionately etc,, if not there will be a PRISON BREAK. So choose your prison mate WISELY. 4 Likes |
Re: What Happens After Marriage? How Would You Advise The Unmarried? by Nobody: 7:22am On Apr 07, 2021 |
FalseProphet1:. Gbamm |
Re: What Happens After Marriage? How Would You Advise The Unmarried? by unmask: 7:22am On Apr 07, 2021 |
FalseProphet1:so people just got married because of sex in the old days right? |
Re: What Happens After Marriage? How Would You Advise The Unmarried? by azeezengr(m): 7:29am On Apr 07, 2021 |
My remarks here are based on personal experience (of 17 years in marriage) and observations made in the society: (1) Prayer before and after marriage is highly essential: This is important because courtship and "love" will simply not take care of those spiritual parts of two different beings coming together to live together. When things want to go wrong in your marriage and you remember you pray before you settled down with him or her, you will go back to prayer( and not beer or prostitute or 'spiritial father') (2) Sacrifice: I believe love is fundamental before two adults come together for marriage but SACRIFICE on both sides is an essential ingredients when you start living together. Both of you have to shift on occasions and come to centre line or you pretend to for peace to reign (3) Leave like brother and sister but there must be senior between two of you, it is a norm in Africa for man to be senior partner in relationship . Man should be respected by his wife( and vice versa) (4) If possible, your formative years in marriage(first five years) should be leave far away from areas where both of you grow together to avoid environmental and relatives pressures on your marriage. There are misunderstandings you will settled amicably with ease without external influence coming in.....leave your marriage and family issues out of social media, you need break from your regulars to lay solid foundation for your marriage. (5)Childbirth tends to change woman physique and psyche hence man should avoid temptations to look elsewhere and woman should work on herself. Most married men have their extra marital experience between the time when their wife gets pregnant and nursing period. (6) Discuss your finances and be opened with it, building wealth should be a common goal and it should be responsibility of both party to make your financial stability and growth a reality. Marriage pressures are largely narrowed down to two FINANCE and SEX, any man(or woman) that can take care of these two stand chances of 80% in marriage (7) Be radical with each others concerning your marital sex life, be open to each other and find way to pleasure 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: What Happens After Marriage? How Would You Advise The Unmarried? by Nobody: 7:30am On Apr 07, 2021 |
Successfulone:Yh it's almost as if the people are being sincere in their replies. 1 Like |
Re: What Happens After Marriage? How Would You Advise The Unmarried? by stubbornman(m): 7:31am On Apr 07, 2021 |
Lexusgs430: Lol...no be only brothers and sisters nah Cousins! 1 Like |
Re: What Happens After Marriage? How Would You Advise The Unmarried? by Juliearth(f): 7:39am On Apr 07, 2021 |
tete7000: I understand you too and you sound like someone who is deeply rooted in biblical virtues. Proverbs 14:1 says “the wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” this scripture is a pointer to the fact that a woman can solely build or ruin her home, thus the connotation of a woman as the gate keeper. |
Re: What Happens After Marriage? How Would You Advise The Unmarried? by Nobody: 7:40am On Apr 07, 2021 |
franchasng:Why do people refuse to get this simple fact? The only woman i want to ever lay my eyes on must be... When the eye roams it will certainly roam home wether it likes to or not.. I'm not falling for that scam that the person you fall in love with will have a high probability of not having the statistics that you desire. Thanks for ur candid post. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: What Happens After Marriage? How Would You Advise The Unmarried? by WaffenSS(m): 7:42am On Apr 07, 2021 |
Run |
Re: What Happens After Marriage? How Would You Advise The Unmarried? by AmazonTopaz(f): 7:44am On Apr 07, 2021 |
Kebbiprince:Please keep quiet are you a virgin yourself or is virginity only for women alone.What does the virginity actually do to sustain the marriage because after the first night it is gone what else.The person is not married virginity adds nothing to marriage even the men who marry virgins some of them still cheat because they are dogs.You are not making any sense. A prostitute can make a better wife than a so called virgin it depends on the preference of the man. 4 Likes |
Re: What Happens After Marriage? How Would You Advise The Unmarried? by donogaga(m): 7:45am On Apr 07, 2021 |
Adinije: You have spoken well. Matured response. |
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