₦airaland Forum

Don't think you can change him.
Discuss your concerns with your parents, if they are unwise they will advice you to marry him, that he will change , You can't change him, and nobody can except himself.

SefunmiHookups:
Nawa lol, I was just watching "abandoned engineering" when you dragged me into your squabble with thatgirl. What did I do nau??
Oh...You too noticed that thaz moniker belongs to a guy. That's a guy behind that very moniker and he has used an alternative to email me. The things he posts doesn't sound like what a girl will post "on impulse" it's like he is cautious before typing so as not to give himself away as being a male. But anyway, who am I to judge...My own na two people bin dey use my account, until I stopped the girl from operating it. Infact , no more hook ups again. That chapter closed.

never meant to drag you into it. Just making a reference. Have a good one boss

Dangrace01:
A guy posted your line of thought sometime back but everyone was attacking him. He said every successful marriage has the man or the woman or both playing away game to keep the marriage balance

It is the truth o....many husbands and wives owe the success of their marriages to third parties they do not no about fa. It's a serious something.

ireneidiva:
I'm sure you are attempting to communicate. Keep trying.

court wedding isn't soluble?

CSoul:
(Created this new account to post for a sister)



Please help advice a sister in confusion.....


Background:


"I reconnected with my old school toaster who always spoke marriage and love.
Got serious in 5 months.
I've met a lot of people from his end within this period.
He shows me off.
Introduction was done and wedding date fixed."

Issues:
Traditional is barely a week away; yet she's bleeding and scared of the future because of her discoveries:

1. The husband to be has anger issues. Ok, he's all nice and good when in good mood. But once something triggers him, all hell is let loose. The trigger can be a simple missing his call(while at work/meeting). No amount of sweet talk or explanations calms him down.

2. The shocker is that he cheats/has a fuckmate living nearby. She discovered this with evidence from their chats and hasn't been herself. The chat is detailed description of their exploits right up to the present and future plans how they'll continue after he's married. (From same chat, the other lady is aware he's getting married.
He tried denying it; when it didn't work he started making excuses/begging he'll change.

3. He doesn't want any third party intervention in their affairs, not even counseling.

She's scared of the future and yet feels stuck as court marriage is done already, most preparations have been done(publicity and most of other physical arrangements), both for the traditional and wedding.


Kindly give your mature advice; she'll be reading every bit of it.
(Admin kindly push to front page)

just run...

No marriage is perfect

Though legally married but definitely there is a chance to hold it or call it off yet, provided the parents have not given their parental blessings and receive their token if they so will, and in this case they will to, since that's already in the offing. So if the trad is in high expectation and something grievous as fornication is discovered in one or both couple to be, it is the most acceptable reason to call off the relationship, infact were it to be in the old testament any one caught committing fornication before marriage is stoned to death without mercy.
So dear OP tell your friend the choice is hers, for if with what she can see, which is that the man she's getting married to is a man without God in his heart; and she still feel okay to continue, then whatever comes her way should be taken as her own making and choice.

MejiLoyon:
never meant to drag you into it. Just making a reference. Have a good one boss

Of course, I understood your aim, Sir. I wasn't offended a tad bit. Have a good evening too.

No one is loyal these days

Genea:
lmao, for someone that's married in court. Infact let me school you. Court marriage is the only marriage recognized by developed countries. She better start prepping for divorce or annulment

Thank God we are not a developed country. Laughs

SefunmiHookups:
This is disgustingly a shame and should never be the norm. Why do people get married in the first place if so! Utterly disgusting and shameless. Even when I used to do hookups for young shawtys, I never permit them to do married men and I limit it to young dudes. I will run a profile check on em before I let them have the girl's number. I hate infidelity in marriages.
Pls I hope that's not what you are also doing Sisioge (third party thingy). I might not get married because of all these terrible, scary and wicked things I hear everyday on Nairaland. Live doesn't exist, I think. It's just companionship and people managing to bear one another in a union. God oo ejor help me

My brother, I'm a single babe among several married friends and colleagues. My circle is all rounda, the cool, the conservatives, the high lifers, the churchy folks...I have seen!

So all this "I successfully married a virgin", "the bobo is cool", "she/he cant ever do it" na wash. When the conservatives cheat, they dont see it as cheating, they see it as an entirely different engagement. Just find someone whose values align with yours and thinks you're the best thing after bread and butter....may God help us all.

Na the wedding rice am concerned with

CSoul:
(Created this new account to post for a sister)



Please help advice a sister in confusion.....


Background:


"I reconnected with my old school toaster who always spoke marriage and love.
Got serious in 5 months.
I've met a lot of people from his end within this period.
He shows me off.
Introduction was done and wedding date fixed."

Issues:
Traditional is barely a week away; yet she's bleeding and scared of the future because of her discoveries:

1. The husband to be has anger issues. Ok, he's all nice and good when in good mood. But once something triggers him, all hell is let loose. The trigger can be a simple missing his call(while at work/meeting). No amount of sweet talk or explanations calms him down.

2. The shocker is that he cheats/has a fuckmate living nearby. She discovered this with evidence from their chats and hasn't been herself. The chat is detailed description of their exploits right up to the present and future plans how they'll continue after he's married. (From same chat, the other lady is aware he's getting married.
He tried denying it; when it didn't work he started making excuses/begging he'll change.

3. He doesn't want any third party intervention in their affairs, not even counseling.

She's scared of the future and yet feels stuck as court marriage is done already, most preparations have been done(publicity and most of other physical arrangements), both for the traditional and wedding.


Kindly give your mature advice; she'll be reading every bit of it.
(Admin kindly push to front page)

My sister tell her to run for her life, that guy Go batter am like panel beater dey reshape accident car. I almost enter better pass God please deliver me.

MejiLoyon:
Drop his number and watch others snatch him away from you. Na him go say he no do again.

What re u saying?? Re her concerns not valid because of becoming a Mrs?

ojun50:
Go away with the marriage
.

Yr new home is blessed

So her concerns re not valid?? A serial cheat?? One that is self centered & ve mad anger issues that is very very toxic?? These re clear danger signs. What re u saying?

.

LeeSantos:
This is really tough.

but I will advise you as I would to my sister..

It's not too late to call it off, for so many reasons.
but I will list some.
1. you will be deprived of enough finance to run your home. His money will be going to more women.

2. you're at risk of contacting vulnerable diseases. if he contacts HIV you won't know, because married couples don't do this test regularly after marriage.

3. You will be Derain psychologically and emotionally, thinking about so many things from how to keep your family intact, manage your husband's so he doesn't bring disgrace to the family, always thinking of the life you has always wanted.

4. There will always be regrets in you occasionally. "If I had known"

5. You life may be cut short due to his anger issues. most marital death had always being a mistake. it's the devil's work, I didn't mean to.

6 and lastly. just know you can be in a polygamous home knowingly or unknowingly. your husband can get other women pregnant,

7. it's very very hard for a man who commits adultery to change. very hard. in order for more to change there must be a negative encounter.

like a drunkard who was nearly crushed to death by a trailer, would easily quick. but even if you catch a promiscuous man In another woman's house that won't stop him.

Peace of mind is all we need to life long.

But if you think you can always fast and be prayerful. you should go ahead with the marriage, maybe one day God will answer your prayers

thanks for saying it all.

Please what was the attraction?

A man who is planning how to continue cheating with his marriage close at hand doesn't love nor respects his wife to be, so what was the attraction?

Did she force herself on him? Or is it all about his money?

CSoul:
(Created this new account to post for a sister)



Please help advice a sister in confusion.....


Background:


"I reconnected with my old school toaster who always spoke marriage and love.
Got serious in 5 months.
I've met a lot of people from his end within this period.
He shows me off.
Introduction was done and wedding date fixed."

Issues:
Traditional is barely a week away; yet she's bleeding and scared of the future because of her discoveries:

1. The husband to be has anger issues. Ok, he's all nice and good when in good mood. But once something triggers him, all hell is let loose. The trigger can be a simple missing his call(while at work/meeting). No amount of sweet talk or explanations calms him down.

2. The shocker is that he cheats/has a fuckmate living nearby. She discovered this with evidence from their chats and hasn't been herself. The chat is detailed description of their exploits right up to the present and future plans how they'll continue after he's married. (From same chat, the other lady is aware he's getting married.
He tried denying it; when it didn't work he started making excuses/begging he'll change.

3. He doesn't want any third party intervention in their affairs, not even counseling.

She's scared of the future and yet feels stuck as court marriage is done already, most preparations have been done(publicity and most of other physical arrangements), both for the traditional and wedding.


Kindly give your mature advice; she'll be reading every bit of it.
(Admin kindly push to front page)

In all honesty, dônt marry that man, If you would, mentally prepare yourself for heartbreak and possibly divorce. Brace yourself so that nothing he does would affect you.

Please inform his parents as well as your parents about the developments.
He not accepting third party in matters as enormous as these shows he's not ready to change instead is bent on saving and maintaining his soiled and bruised reputation.
If the mentioned people are involved and informed, he will be shamed, reproved and it may lead to visible turn around.
This is so serious a matter to be treated with kids gloves

CSoul:
(Created this new account to post for a sister)



Please help advice a sister in confusion.....


Background:


"I reconnected with my old school toaster who always spoke marriage and love.
Got serious in 5 months.
I've met a lot of people from his end within this period.
He shows me off.
Introduction was done and wedding date fixed."

Issues:
Traditional is barely a week away; yet she's bleeding and scared of the future because of her discoveries:

1. The husband to be has anger issues. Ok, he's all nice and good when in good mood. But once something triggers him, all hell is let loose. The trigger can be a simple missing his call(while at work/meeting). No amount of sweet talk or explanations calms him down.

2. The shocker is that he cheats/has a fuckmate living nearby. She discovered this with evidence from their chats and hasn't been herself. The chat is detailed description of their exploits right up to the present and future plans how they'll continue after he's married. (From same chat, the other lady is aware he's getting married.
He tried denying it; when it didn't work he started making excuses/begging he'll change.

3. He doesn't want any third party intervention in their affairs, not even counseling.

She's scared of the future and yet feels stuck as court marriage is done already, most preparations have been done(publicity and most of other physical arrangements), both for the traditional and wedding.


Kindly give your mature advice; she'll be reading every bit of it.
(Admin kindly push to front page)

Court marriage is done already? Too late to cancel. Go to God in prayers. There nothing God cannot do. He will surely come to your aid. It is well.

SegFault:
All this nonsense self, auntie tell your friend this.
Marriage is a union that is meant to last till death, the worst is thing is when kids come in, separation would be disastrous. Living with someone ain't easy talk more about living with someone for the rest of your life, this man is obviously terrible and is showing early signs of a catastrophic failure, she should call it off and have her peace of mind but it is all her choice after all, our choices will always be regrettable but the weight of such regrets differ and the fruits of such choices different. Living in a polygamous home I'd terrible forget ned nwoko you don't know what they face internally, you only see what people want you to see on social media.

This is the same thing I wanted to type. YOUR PEACE SHOULD BE YOUR PRIORITY!!!

ireneidiva:
Too late for all this talk. I read the court wedding has taken place. She is already married. Let her carry her cross.

Which yeye married. I'll cancel it. You are about to fall into a well, God opened your eyes to see that it is a well and yet you still jump inside. Are you not senseless?

If I was this your friend, I'll call it off. I can't see all these signs and still go ahead with the marriage.

I don't know what is wrong with some girls Allah.

Going by your story, you know this guy since school days. Whether that's high school or Uni is question for another day.

You want to tell me you didn't notice his anger issues? Ok, fine!
Dude resurfaced and kicked off from where he left off. For five months you were "game". You led him on, brought family members into the mix, did introduction, bride price paid, court wedding done, every other thing set. All of a sudden, you realise he has anger issues. I mean, wtf? If your only complain was to be his cheating nature, I would have understand cos some guys are experts in not getting caught. You cannot stay three hours with someone with anger issues and not notice it. They can't hide such.

My verdict

You must finish what you started. Forget the people telling you to leave, it's easy to say that when they're not the person involved. Everything that happened or will happen is all on you. You'll not know the embarrassment this will bring to your family until after you pull it off. It's not always about us sometimes, it's about people we care about.

Like I said, everything is on you.
You've messed up for too long.

No going back now.

I wish you all the best

She didn't see all this before the court marriage abi. Girls please stay clear from any man that gets furious over a missed call, unless it's you who have made it a habit to be missing his calls regularly.
He probably doesn't trust you to be faithful because he himself is not so anytime you miss his call, his first and only assumption is that you are with another man.
With that his anger issue be ready to be receiving regular slaps and occasional serious gbas gbos.

In the quest for marriage I've seen girls turn a blind eye to some dangerous traits exhibited by their husband to be only to lose every atom of happiness once married, they just become a shadow and just by looking at them you can tell how miserable they feel.

sisisioge:
It is the truth o....many husbands and wives owe the success of their marriages to third parties they do not no about fa. It's a serious something.

https://www.nairaland.com/6437518/love-not-always-sweet-7#99484195

No need of getting married

CSoul:
(Created this new account to post for a sister)



Please help advice a sister in confusion.....


Background:


"I reconnected with my old school toaster who always spoke marriage and love.
Got serious in 5 months.
I've met a lot of people from his end within this period.
He shows me off.
Introduction was done and wedding date fixed."

Issues:
Traditional is barely a week away; yet she's bleeding and scared of the future because of her discoveries:

1. The husband to be has anger issues. Ok, he's all nice and good when in good mood. But once something triggers him, all hell is let loose. The trigger can be a simple missing his call(while at work/meeting). No amount of sweet talk or explanations calms him down. [color=#006600][/color]

2. The shocker is that he cheats/has a fuckmate living nearby. She discovered this with evidence from their chats and hasn't been herself. The chat is detailed description of their exploits right up to the present and future plans how they'll continue after he's married. (From same chat, the other lady is aware he's getting married.
He tried denying it; when it didn't work he started making excuses/begging he'll change.

3. He doesn't want any third party intervention in their affairs, not even counseling.

She's scared of the future and yet feels stuck as court marriage is done already, most preparations have been done(publicity and most of other physical arrangements), both for the traditional and wedding.


Kindly give your mature advice; she'll be reading every bit of it.
(Admin kindly push to front page)

she better run.

She's about to get into a marriage with a textbook narcissist.

He has already started sef.

The signs are already there.

@ red lettering is called lovebombing.
Overwhelm the victim with so much affection to pull her into the relationship. Things will be happening so fast and out of control. He'll put up the appearance of mr perfect.

Point one means the mask is beginning to fall off. He no longer sees the need to pretend. How much longer until she is the recipient of his violent tendencies

Point 2 shows that he lacks empathy and respect for her and feels he can get away with anything in the marriage.

Point 3 is the step where he excommunicates her from all outside influence, friends, family and counseling.

The next will be to make him her only source of support and sustenance. She will be like a child to the man to do as he likes.

I repeat she should run

SefunmiHookups:
Kai... No no nau.. it's just too much. It's so rampant in these 'so-called end times" The flip side to it is that it's not even always about poverty, or being of lower economic status. Some just cheat for the fun and kinkiness and lust of it. Zero respect for the solemnity of the marriage vows they made.
Ahh...Lagba Olorun, I hope not to even give room to any opportunity that will make me fall in love or lust rather (since loves doesnt exist anymore) and I'll avoid giving any one that chance to play me for a fool. The heart of people are truly wicked like the word of God says. See it nau. Omo,I fear broken marriage a cheating spouse more than anything else. That feeling of being played and decieved is incomparable.
And funny enough, alot of girls find me attractive and call me more than I call them , but I cant just belive or take any of them serious cuz u see their Facebook/IG walls and I see that they are all the same. Females live attention from every quaters. That leaves them prone to cheating. If the right opportunity shows up. Abeg , I'm staying on my own till God calls me home. I already know it's gonna be tough, but what can I do...I've always knows I live companionship, but not at the detriment of my peace of heart and mind.
Sorry for thinking you were married and maybe keeping a side-boo. I hope you find the man who will not ever toy with your heart. If He even exists. I know I exist, but I'm not talking about me here. lol..but u get the point.

Thank you...may all be well with us all....may God settle the world. Cheers

Dangrace01:
A guy posted your line of thought sometime back but everyone was attacking him. He said every successful marriage has the man or the woman or both playing away game to keep the marriage balance

Bill gates was doing something similar.

CSoul:
(Created this new account to post for a sister)



Please help advice a sister in confusion.....


Background:


"I reconnected with my old school toaster who always spoke marriage and love.
Got serious in 5 months.
I've met a lot of people from his end within this period.
He shows me off.
Introduction was done and wedding date fixed."

Issues:
Traditional is barely a week away; yet she's bleeding and scared of the future because of her discoveries:

1. The husband to be has anger issues. Ok, he's all nice and good when in good mood. But once something triggers him, all hell is let loose. The trigger can be a simple missing his call(while at work/meeting). No amount of sweet talk or explanations calms him down.

2. The shocker is that he cheats/has a fuckmate living nearby. She discovered this with evidence from their chats and hasn't been herself. The chat is detailed description of their exploits right up to the present and future plans how they'll continue after he's married. (From same chat, the other lady is aware he's getting married.
He tried denying it; when it didn't work he started making excuses/begging he'll change.

3. He doesn't want any third party intervention in their affairs, not even counseling.

She's scared of the future and yet feels stuck as court marriage is done already, most preparations have been done(publicity and most of other physical arrangements), both for the traditional and wedding.


Kindly give your mature advice; she'll be reading every bit of it.
(Admin kindly push to front page)

I’m a guy and all I can say is: “Run! Deng-deng-deng-deng-deng-deng-deng...”

tunwumi:
She's married already. Maybe you should be advising her to get a divorce.

If she wants to. (I am 100%sure she won't, cos of what people/society will say).
Funny she discovered all this, but Let things get this far.