₦airaland Forum

Jirehz:


My cousin had exactly same issues with his now wife 2 years ago
Girl wey no dey bring any kind of financial support to the wedding oo

My bro just called her 2 days after the argument and told her to put the phone on loudspeaker and give her mom the phone.

“Mama I’ll be coming with with my elder brother to apologize for all inconsistencies. I no longer want to proceed with the wedding. I no get money!”

Nah there area scatter
Nah she come dey beg las las
She turn to Yes sir Yes sir girl till wedding and trad finish

Biglittlelois:
Your mistake is, you shouldn't have told her your mum suggested it, you would have said that it was your idea, you should have brought up the topic in a way that will make her see reasons why it is logical to cut cost, instead of calling her on phone saying bla bla your mum bla bla, and i can imagine you saying it in a bossy way sef, it is her wedding as she said, as it is yours too, make her feel like she's in charge but you're the one controlling things on the side, very simple

Most times it is you men that majorly cause unnecessary animosity between your mother and wives, you guys don't know how to present a case smoothly without bringing up issues.

Honestly

FalseProphet1:
If you go ahead with the marriage, I see you coming back to Nairaland to complain to us how your lazy wife who doesn't contribute a dime towards the upkeep of the family doesn't appreciate the little financial efforts you're making, I see you being very frustrated in the first six months of your marriage. This I have seen.

False Pastorprenuer

Is not out of place to plan according to you pocket because "he that wears the shoe knows exactly where it pains him" you should have discussed with her giving reasons while you should do it in the village and standing strongly on your words without involving your mum.
Another thing is that you can actually pay her bride price with indoor celebration and do your white wedding in SW

Annoms:
I'm sure I'll even be the one to pay for her wedding gown and accessories.

................
Going by above comment of yours, here, you seem not personally MATURE for marriage. Must you mention AT ALL WHO WILL PAY THE WEDDING GOWN??
That dress, not just a robe. It's SPIRITUALLY HER PRIDE, GLORY, INNOCENCE & BLESSINGS into tour NEW HOME!
Get that into tour head! Discuss with her calmly & truthfully. It should be REALITY TALK . Talk her through! Two heads better than one. Two ranting being devil to the midst!
Every & any parent feel state of Nigeria economy. Remove city life & lies. Put reality to her & her parents. If need be, SHOW THEM STATEMENT OF YOUR ACCOUNT! If they're CIVIL servants, they should understand!
Same lies told, so turn around to disgrace same liar!

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

You better don't waste all your money or give yourself hypertension because of one wedding ceremony. Your mum is the right one here. I wonder how fiancee that is not dropping money is now dictating how much money should be spent on the wedding. Except her daddy is Otedola, and is bringing funds for the wedding she better keep silent

First, I believe you are getting married to your fiancée and not your mum, that shows the importance of communication! it is you both that would live together. after all. You don't want loggerheads with both women over time, trust me it will come.

Second, in as much as the wedding is hers' as it is yours, I think personally, if she is not contributing financially to it, then she has to understand and see reason to why cutting cost is important.

Third, I think you should handle the matter off the internet and get your wedding done, now that everyone is calling her names and likening her to a witch/hoe, I hope you enjoy it as you read the comments!

Finally, be a man and lead, when you do get married, people here will not side with your mom, you or your wife. Rule your house...

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)


It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

Pls my dear, don't listen to advice from most of these young guys in this forum. They value their ego more than their happiness. I think mods should find a way to tackle this gender biased fights from nairaland "chewing gum' boys.

Pls discuss with your woman, you know your pocket. If you can do trad & white wedding separately to make your woman happy, go ahead and do so. Forget about lodging people in the hotel for the trads except you don't have your family house in the East. Try as much as possible to reduce cost during trads. Just go with your kinsmen/women residing in the East. Anybody that wants to attend the trads can come at his/her expense. That was how I did mine. You can aswel fix the date during festive periods when almost all the uncles/ aunts would be at the East.

Come back and plan your white wedding when you're ready. You may aswell tell your fiance to try and save up her nysc allowance to foot part of the wedding bills.

Your fianceé's demand is not out of place at all. Just have a discussion with her on how to cut cost. It could be that she know you're rich

I can see you are naive, so I will drop this for you.

Be smart in your relationship with your wife. Never make it look like an outsider (even your mum) is the source of advise in your family.

When you get a good advise, like this from anyone, drop it like a suggestion to her and ask for her advise.

In this case, if your mum had advised her directly, she would have agreed and come to convince you.

Naturally, the one that contributes nothing, scrutinizes more, its a fear of irrelevancy.

Solution
Ask her to seek her mums opinion in this, that you both will then make final decision.

My advise, convince her to hold the 2 same day, that's a sensible thing to do!!!

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

If only you knew what corpers do in camp and during service yr!

Biglittlelois:
Your mistake is, you shouldn't have told her your mum suggested it, you would have said that it was your idea, you should have brought up the topic in a way that will make her see reasons why it is logical to cut cost, instead of calling her on phone saying bla bla your mum bla bla, and i can imagine you saying it in a bossy way sef, it is her wedding as she said, as it is yours too, make her feel like she's in charge but you're the one controlling things on the side, very simple

Most times it is you men that majorly cause unnecessary animosity between your mother and wives, you guys don't know how to present a case smoothly without bringing up issues.

Very true, my thought too.

I wonder what most ladies enjoy in fancy weddings.
If having your dream wedding will make you go bankrupt, do something quiet, just family.
No do pass by yourself op. Better to have a lil wedding and a fat account, than going broke cos of an event that people would still forget about.

P.s if she insist, make sure she contributes to it.

Very similar story to someone's own. My advice is go into the marriage so you'll see what he saw. Misery loves company

Presenting an already discussed issues with your family to your wife.

You need to present it as your suggestion.
Don't bring your family into it.

And lastly, always hold your family in high esteem.

This one done insult my mama add my papa plus the pikin dem.

See why I said what I said. Wolves in sheep clothing.

Most girls are only good for a toss in the sheets.

EndRape2:
<sup>Your comment shows how damaged you are, and need help, you really need a paychatrist to help you out before it is late, it is very obvious your own mum has brain washed you, and before you know it, you will become a 50years old man, with regreats all over, write it down.

Common sense , your mum does not want you to spend on your wife and family not because she likes you, but because she wants you to spend it on her, that is greed and selfishness from her,

If you are a mummy's boy you so not need to get Marry, stay with your mother let her use you for ever,
You do not need to marry because others are marrying or you need children, stay with your mum and old with her,
Mumu you better go for deliverance , or you will be frustrated under your mother's slavery till you old and die.

Since you are single and not married , please Marry your mother, since he is the one that loves and will tell you the truth.

Mumu mummy boy s</sup>

EndRape2:
^{Eeya, them Don break this one heart reason he thinks every girl wants to eat his money , is this your mum's advice meaning is same thing your mum did to your dad, reason she keep telling you all women wants to eat you and run
Mothers do not want other women to do to their sons what they did to their husband, not knowing their husband is some one else's son, and they will do same to their son, Las last karma nah bitch, no matter how they protect their children =, their children will keep having heart break and dissapointment , because what they are teaching the children is all lies.}

Visit
https://www.nairaland.com/6539320/dont-left-out-make-insane

ogbuefi677:
My own sister did an elaborate trad last December and elaborate church wedding in her husband's state but d difference is that d trad was 101% funded my family.
In fact,when she and her hubby came for my grandma's funeral recently,popsy gave the husband 10k for fuel and we still loaded their booth with foodstuff,canned drinks,smoked meat etc.
My sis is 28 but has been lecturing in a federal polytechnic with a masters degree for d past 4years so she's also bringing a lot to the table.
But here is an idiot who is only bringing a vagina and womb to the table requesting the op should spend lavishly when she is not contributing a dime.
It's very clear she's from a wretched background cos na only dem de reason like that,afterall op said he's d one that's gonna fund even the trad.

I just dey pity the op, let see how e go be

Bro, your assumption may not be right. Please speak to her face to face, get and understand her view as well before you conclude. But if she insist having it in her own way, you guys can split the bills. That settle the case.

A woman not contributing to the wedding is tell you to spend lavishly under Buhari govermentA corper

If it red for you lasan

It don be for you...after the wedding is it garri you will be drinking?has she gotten a job to help?someone who is a corper that does not have 500 k saved from a business yet...

You better use your head man....

OMG

That's so much expenses, that's how people will spend millions on a wedding and end up wasting the money by getting married to a selfish, inconsiderate woman.

She is not ready for marriage yet, if she refuse to see reasons with you, contribute or something. My dear just jejely ignore her, till she is ready for marriage.

This one na better red flag self. Expensive wedding +friends my foot. Who cares what people will say. Happiness and management comes first

There's no gain saying your mother is right. If she's a reasonable woman, she would have thought of this first and spoken to you about it before your mum's advice. A whole lot of people are leaning towards this kind of arrangements given how expensive things are now. Your wife to be doesn't have your interest at all, But what do I know!

---

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

Leave your mum out of this. The wedding is between you and your fiancée. So you guys have to discuss it and come to an agreement together. When you get married, this is how you will decide together on things. Or do you intend to always ask your mother's opinion Your mum can chip in her advice but it cannot superceed those getting married.

And if both of you are not on the same page; if you are seeing red flags from her behaviour, take the right steps now.

When I got married, my husband and I made the decisions together, not family members. Though we asked for advice along the way. Even my FIL would always say "it's your day. Do it as it pleases you".

Biglittlelois:
Your mistake is, you shouldn't have told her your mum suggested it, you would have said that it was your idea, you should have brought up the topic in a way that will make her see reasons why it is logical to cut cost, instead of calling her on phone saying bla bla your mum bla bla, and i can imagine you saying it in a bossy way sef, it is her wedding as she said, as it is yours too, make her feel like she's in charge but you're the one controlling things on the side, very simple

Most times it is you men that majorly cause unnecessary animosity between your mother and wives, you guys don't know how to present a case smoothly without bringing up issues.

In charge how? na she dey bring money?

rita25:
tell ur mother to stop controlling you and giving you ideas no one has appointed her finance officer in your home better curb it now before it escalate

Just look at someone's reasoning,, no single sense in what you wrote... Hope you know you will one day be a mother, if you are not one already, so how are you going to advice your children...

She won't understand since she doesn't work to make money. Those days when parents were still giving us handouts we didn't know the value of money.
I don't understand how a sane man will marry a jobless woman in this country. Worse is those ones marrying students/corpers.
I hope you won't come to nairaland few years/months from now and start wailing about your wife being a liability?

ojesymsym:
Only mistake I think you made was telling her it was your mom that suggested it. One thing you will learn in marriage is that you have to own decisions no matter where you get the idea from.

Even you will be irritated with her ... "my mummy said... my mummy said", it makes that party look immature enough to make their own decision.

Next time, make it look as if it is your own idea, then you will not be entering marriage by already declaring a war between daughter and mother in law. We know say they go still fight for future but don't be the one to declare the war when ordinary wisdom could have solved it.

However, u have to still stand your ground because even 2M is too much to spend on a wedding if you do not have at least 50% of that in savings post wedding ceremony.

Best advice

Biglittlelois:
Your mistake is, you shouldn't have told her your mum suggested it, you would have said that it was your idea, you should have brought up the topic in a way that will make her see reasons why it is logical to cut cost, instead of calling her on phone saying bla bla your mum bla bla, and i can imagine you saying it in a bossy way sef, it is her wedding as she said, as it is yours too, make her feel like she's in charge but you're the one controlling things on the side, very simple


Most times it is you men that majorly cause unnecessary animosity between your mother and wives, you guys don't know how to present a case smoothly without bringing up issues.

I read the first two lines and checked.. oh its a lady that just wrote. I don’t know why women always tend to bring up issues where there should be none.
He did absolutely NOTHING WRONG in bringing up his mum’s suggestions.

The girl is still a child to think that way. Someone who hasn’t started earning a living or becoming responsible for herself is angry at a save-cost suggestion.

Let her bring her own suggestions to ensure the costs are not so high or she finances 40% of the wedding budget.

My family HAS EVERY SINGLE RIGHT to suggest to me how my wedding can be. Its left for me to choose.
If i do glamour and i go hungry later, na me go suffer.

Let her rest abeg of marry someone who can give her world class wedding

ImaIma1:
Leave your mum out of this. The wedding is between you and your fiancée. So you guys have to discuss it and come to an agreement together. When you get married, this is how you will decide together on things. Or do you intend to always ask your mother's opinion Your mum can chip in her advice but it cannot superceed those getting married.

And if both of you are not on the same page; if you are seeing red flags from her behaviour, take the right steps now.

When I got married, my husband and I made the decisions together, not family members. Though we asked for advice along the way. Even my FIL would always say "it's your day. Do it as it pleases you".

Between him and the lady?

Is she bringing money?

Smh

Just look at your last paragraph “Though we asked for advice along the way”

What do you think he did?

Where do you think the suggestions came from?

Haba!

philfrey08:
Between him and the lady?

Is she bringing money?

Smh

Just look at your last paragraph “Though we asked for advice along the way”

What do you think he did?

Where do you think the suggestions came from?

Haba!

If he wanted someone that is bringing money, why is he with her? Why is it now that it matters that she's not bringing money. So if she's the one bringing most of the money, can she also plan the wedding on her own without his imput? Money is always a determining factor for most of the guys here.

Suggestions are allowed. The op should be able to communicate the suggestion in a more discreet way and not in a way that suggests that he's a mummy's boy or that his mum's decisions will always override theirs.

ojesymsym:
Only mistake I think you made was telling her it was your mom that suggested it. One thing you will learn in marriage is that you have to own decisions no matter where you get the idea from.

Even you will be irritated with her ... "my mummy said... my mummy said", it makes that party look immature enough to make their own decision.

Next time, make it look as if it is your own idea, then you will not be entering marriage by already declaring a war between daughter and mother in law. We know say they go still fight for future but don't be the one to declare the war when ordinary wisdom could have solved it.

However, u have to still stand your ground because even 2M is too much to spend on a wedding if you do not have at least 50% of that in savings post wedding ceremony.

Exactly what I was trying to point out. He's already showing that the marriage will be filled "mummy said", "mummy thinks".

yes i stand by what i said such mothers end up controlling their sons marriage.she should back off....she can advice but not insist

viceddy95:
Just look at someone's reasoning,, no single sense in what you wrote... Hope you know you will one day be a mother, if you are not one already, so how are you going to advice your children...

Annoms:
I'll try to make this short.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my fiancée about my mum's suggestion about how to go about our wedding which is scheduled to take place Jan next year. My mum suggested that we do both trad and white wedding on the same day to cut cost. She opined that we do the white wedding in the morning and hold the traditional marriage as a reception in the afternoon. I pretty much see reasons from her perspective considering the harsh economic condition in Nigeria.

I was relating this to my fiancée yesterday in a phone call, when she flared up and said I should have consulted her to seek her opinion on this marriage arrangement before going to my family to seek theirs because I said my mum's advise seems okay.

What I deduce from her plight was that she wants the trad marriage at the village (south-east) while the white at the town where we base (South-West). That was what I initially wanted but due to high inflation in the land, I'm actually tilting towards my mum advise because I can't go bankruptcy just because I want to satisfy her. Why not use a stone to kill two birds?

She wants a cream-de-la-cream kind of wedding but she's not ready to assist financially to make that happen. (she's an awaiting corper)

I told her that the cost of transportation and lodging people from the village (hers and mine) to the city for our white marriage alone is gulping about 500/600k. That's transportation & lodging alone ooo.. I'll now spend if not x2 of what I spent on trad for white.. Why not just do everything in the village and move on with our lives? We can actually have it in the village and it will still be all nice and glamourous.

She said she wants to have a say in how her marriage will look like. Her imput is welcomed. But if she still insist on having the white wedding and not putting finances into consideration. I'm thinking that she want the white wedding on the city because of her friends who will attend which is not enough reason to go bankruptcy for.

It was a heated argument yesterday. We both went to bed angrily and not in talking terms till now

Pls advice accordingly. Thanks

WELL YOU ARE NOT WRONG THOUGH, BUT TRYDEY CARRY HER ALONG IN EVERY DECISION..*NA U STILL GET THE FINAL SAYOOO*...THEN FINALLY....THOU SHALL NEITHER BORROW MONEY FOR WEDDING NOR SPEND WHAT YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED BECAUSE FINALLY FINALLY AFTER THE WEDDING, YOU ARE ON UR OWN