₦airaland Forum

udoji2021:
I just come across a thread about this topic and felt like contributing on it.

https://www.nairaland.com/6703059/struggling-hard-money-hasnt-come

Guys, I will not beat around the bush, getting married when you are not financially bouyant is the greatest mistake that can NEVER be corrected, infact, it's a sin and against natural laws to bring someone's daughter to your house when you are struggling to take care of yourself and consequently starts laying foundation of poverty that will last for generations if not forever.

WHY?

Experience is the best teacher, I'm a victim of such circumstances and I know what I face in that type of marriage and is still facing. When you make such mistake, you will start sleeping abnormally which is the first sign of things to come, it will then lead to over thinking and depression. Forget about family members, no one will be there to help you when you needed their help. Begging to feed or meet your financial obligations is even worst cos first, the insults you will receive can make you commit suicide, and if you start this begging, people will always give you fake promises, the time that you would have used in doing productive something will be on moving from one place to another or staying online to reply people. Forget about all this motivational speakers cos you will only see another motivational quote from them when the sh*t hits the fan.

Secondly, the saying that someone obtain favor from Whatever God when you are Married is also false to some extent, God don't pour manna from heaven this days as was reported in the Bible (don't know if this is even true), get married and sit at home waiting for favor from the Lord and see if you didn't die of hunger within days.

Most painful part is that, you may end up suffering for another person children ignorantly, HOW?

Let me give an example, I went to one politician for help and this man told me to back later, he later sent someone to call my wife and start telling her to sleep with him (heavy pregnant woman o) before he can help. I was lucky that my wife told me about it with proof of what the man was doing, that was the day I stopped calling him. Now, what if she agreed without telling me and continued after she birth?

Guys, hustle and settle down first marriage and thank me later.

Lastly, all this girls will keep telling you that I will manage, I will manage, but if they finally come and stay with you, they will not manage again. Infact, that is how some women have finally taken over their houses and start maltreating the husbands for been weak.

In a nutshell, I'm of the opinion that a guy should hustle and have money, hustle hard again and have more money before he can start thinking of marriage.

Words of encouragement...

babyfaceafrica:
Na family, friends and society dey cause am. You will hear 'are you sure they are fertile'.. Our society can gossip wetin no concern dem

Dear, is time to live life above those sentiments, my life my pattern

A very very bad decision

BusinessDream:
I was confused at what MrBrownJay1 was driving at but I took time to really understand what he was saying to be candid, he is right. The summary of his angle is FIND someone that is really interested in you as just HUMAN, whether you have money or not.

But what he is advising is REALLY hard in a country like Nigeria where people are selfish

there are way more broke people in Nigeria than rich ones, so technically what i am suggesting should be very easy to achieve, but sadly, like in any other poor country, people are seeking for someone to take them out of their "poor" life at the snap of a finger, instead of looking for someone with whom to struggle together to get out of their misery. the sad part is that these people should know that a rich man will just sample you, suck all the juice out of your oranges, throw you away and then go look for a fresher orange to feast on....

alizma:
Whether you are financially bouyant or not, there are certain age at which it's ideal for you to take bold step on marriage, that is if you ever plan to have kids, the most important thing is that you pray and commit things in the hands of God, secondly is that you need to be sincere to yourself, about the kind of woman you need not the ones you want and search for that one, don't go and carry a woman who is social frick and promise that she will manage, also let your wife to be know at least 90% truth about your income. And keep your hands clean as much as possible.

Is there a law that everyone must get married?

Stop encouraging generational poverty pls

cooltola:
Marriage is the only certificate one get without taking the exam. What about the case that a man was financially well before marriage, then he got sack or his business went down while married and he has not recovered financially. What should one suggest for those who are in this predicament?

They're simply on their own

Pochettino:
We women were created to bring down men & destroy their destinies.
I wonder why men don't know this yet.

Strong words

To marry while struggling is bad as the OP stated it BUT my question is
> WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO STOP STRUGGLING so that you will marry ?.
See , marriage is not about fat bank account or whatsoever you may have called it , Marriage is about READINESS .
Have you discovered yourself ?.

You have said it all...
But nite that money is not everything but something

alizma:
Whether you are financially bouyant or not, there are certain age at which it's ideal for you to take bold step on marriage, that is if you ever plan to have kids, the most important thing is that you pray and commit things in the hands of God, secondly is that you need to be sincere to yourself, about the kind of woman you need not the ones you want and search for that one, don't go and carry a woman who is social frick and promise that she will manage, also let your wife to be know at least 90% truth about your income. And keep your hands clean as much as possible.

Well said bro

MrBrownJay1:
there are way more broke people in Nigeria than rich ones, so technically what i am suggesting should be very easy to achieve, but sadly, like in any other poor country, people are seeking for someone to take them out of their "poor" life at the snap of a finger, instead of looking for someone with whom to struggle together to get out of their misery. the sad part is that these people should know that a rich man will just sample you, suck all the juice out of your oranges, throw you away and then go look for a fresher orange to feast on....

I stop replying your comments the moment you said dating and marriage are the same thing.


From your comments so far, I understand 3 things;

That you never experienced poverty in life and feel that all what people use to say is an exaggeration of their poor condition.

Or

You are purposely encouraging generational poverty.

Or

You are not married and is ingnorant of what is called marriage.

udoji2021:
The people around me proof otherwise sir, as for my marriage, it's a phase which i believe will soon be over. Y'all are not getting my point, am not against marriage between poor people but I don't like the way people are encouraging such in this our materialistic society.

Materialism again? I do not like your sense of generalization, but let's leave it at that.

Confirm! No two ways about it

udoji2021:
I just come across a thread about this topic and felt like contributing on it.

https://www.nairaland.com/6703059/struggling-hard-money-hasnt-come

Guys, I will not beat around the bush, getting married when you are not financially bouyant is the greatest mistake that can NEVER be corrected, infact, it's a sin and against natural laws to bring someone's daughter to your house when you are struggling to take care of yourself and consequently starts laying foundation of poverty that will last for generations if not forever.

WHY?

Experience is the best teacher, I'm a victim of such circumstances and I know what I face in that type of marriage and is still facing. When you make such mistake, you will start sleeping abnormally which is the first sign of things to come, it will then lead to over thinking and depression. Forget about family members, no one will be there to help you when you needed their help. Begging to feed or meet your financial obligations is even worst cos first, the insults you will receive can make you commit suicide, and if you start this begging, people will always give you fake promises, the time that you would have used in doing productive something will be on moving from one place to another or staying online to reply people. Forget about all this motivational speakers cos you will only see another motivational quote from them when the sh*t hits the fan.

Secondly, the saying that someone obtain favor from Whatever God when you are Married is also false to some extent, God don't pour manna from heaven this days as was reported in the Bible (don't know if this is even true), get married and sit at home waiting for favor from the Lord and see if you didn't die of hunger within days.

Most painful part is that, you may end up suffering for another person children ignorantly, HOW?

Let me give an example, I went to one politician for help and this man told me to back later, he later sent someone to call my wife and start telling her to sleep with him (heavy pregnant woman o) before he can help. I was lucky that my wife told me about it with proof of what the man was doing, that was the day I stopped calling him. Now, what if she agreed without telling me and continued after she birth?

Guys, hustle and settle down first marriage and thank me later.

Lastly, all this girls will keep telling you that I will manage, I will manage, but if they finally come and stay with you, they will not manage again. Infact, that is how some women have finally taken over their houses and start maltreating the husbands for been weak.

In a nutshell, I'm of the opinion that a guy should hustle and have money, hustle hard again and have more money before he can start thinking of marriage.

MrBrownJay1:
all you people are looking at marriage with a failed vision.... you dont need money to get married, marriage is just an extention of a r/ship sealed by a useless piece of paper....if you guys were broke and could date happily, then there is no reason why you couldnt get married and still be happy. the problem here is that all you people are thinking that a broke couple should do exactly the same thing as one with money, while the couple with little money needs to ADAPT TO THEIR SITUATION until they have enough money to care for a family (aka children etc)

a lot of people are quick to call a man/woman broke because they only have money to take care of their own needs, but the reality is that there are many people who are broke because they paid their rent, put food in the fridge and paid their bills etc. if 2 broke people join hands, then they can EASILY live happily ever after (so long as they dont try to add to their family). so a broke married couple needs to take contraception, need to cut their coat according to their situation and they need to work towards getting a better life situation in order to have kids etc

it takes money for a single person to take care of their basic need... its called LIFE and everyone should be able to take care of their basic needs before thinking of marriage, same for married ones. you dont need "more" money to get married than the money you each had to take care of your basic needs, if your spouse cant/couldnt take care of their basic needs then you shouldnt get married and that person should sort that part of their lives 1st before thinking of getting married, as they are a LIABILITY

as for your hustle statement, no wonder so many men fail in marriage when they think that having money to take care of a liability is the solution to their problem....a liability is a LIABILITY whether you bring more money to the table or not.

pls if you're wise, disregard such advice. when you enter marriage na dat time your eye go clear. remembered one of my guy back then when all of us dey struggle with same income. Na so baba say e won marry cos one papa advice am sey time dey go. Na soso money the guy go dey borrow from coworkers and the company. the guy is blessed with kids now but situations still rough but hoping things work out good for him. if you want to keep your state of mind intact pls manage your life according to your capacity, people wey dey help you when you single nor go help you again when you marry o. not to talk of people wey encourage you to marry and nor dey help you before.

TossTos:
To marry while struggling is bad as the OP stated it BUT my question is
> WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO STOP STRUGGLING so that you will marry ?.
See , marriage is not about fat bank account or whatsoever you may have called it , Marriage is about READINESS .
Have you discovered yourself ?.

It's not actually about been Rich.
But one have to at least have something to feed his wife and children before thinking of marriage

Word!

MrBrownJay1:
all you people are looking at marriage with a failed vision.... you dont need money to get married, marriage is just an extention of a r/ship sealed by a useless piece of paper....if you guys were broke and could date happily, then there is no reason why you couldnt get married and still be happy. the problem here is that all you people are thinking that a broke couple should do exactly the same thing as one with money, while the couple with little money needs to ADAPT TO THEIR SITUATION until they have enough money to care for a family (aka children etc)

a lot of people are quick to call a man/woman broke because they only have money to take care of their own needs, but the reality is that there are many people who are broke because they paid their rent, put food in the fridge and paid their bills etc. if 2 broke people join hands, then they can EASILY live happily ever after (so long as they dont try to add to their family). so a broke married couple needs to take contraception, need to cut their coat according to their situation and they need to work towards getting a better life situation in order to have kids etc

it takes money for a single person to take care of their basic need... its called LIFE and everyone should be able to take care of their basic needs before thinking of marriage, same for married ones. you dont need "more" money to get married than the money you each had to take care of your basic needs, if your spouse cant/couldnt take care of their basic needs then you shouldnt get married and that person should sort that part of their lives 1st before thinking of getting married, as they are a LIABILITY

as for your hustle statement, no wonder so many men fail in marriage when they think that having money to take care of a liability is the solution to their problem....a liability is a LIABILITY whether you bring more money to the table or not.

TossTos:
To marry while struggling is bad as the OP stated it BUT my question is
> WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO STOP STRUGGLING so that you will marry ?.
See , marriage is not about fat bank account or whatsoever you may have called it , Marriage is about READINESS .
Have you discovered yourself ?.

Forget every man that wants to marry is ready. If you are not financially buoyant even your in-laws will send you to early grave. I'm a married man and I will never advice a guy to marry when he's not financially buoyant. They will be telling you that they're not after material things you will grow together, guy marry her even her family members will kill you with attitude. If I will come to this world again I will think twice.

xeju:
pls if you're wise, disregard such advice. when you enter marriage na dat time your eye go clear. remembered one of my guy back then when all of us dey struggle with same income. Na so baba say e won marry cos one papa advice am sey time dey go. Na soso money the guy go dey borrow from coworkers and the company. the guy is blessed with kids now but situations still rough but hoping things work out good for him. if you want to keep your state of mind intact pls manage your life according to your capacity, people wey dey help you when you single nor go help you again when you marry o. not to talk of people wey encourage you to marry and nor dey help you before.

a broke person borrowing money to take care of his kids?!?!?! bwaaaaah, thats exactly what i am talking against!!! if that dude had waited until he was in a better place, none of these would have happened. you still can get married but you have to WAIT before having kids..

Nwaezehopr:
. You don't know what you are saying. How can you tell me that dating a lady is the same with marrying her. Whenever you marry a lady her responsibility is on you but by dating her, you can just help her whenever you can. My woman once advised me to delay her introduction because whenever I do it her responsibility will be on me which she don't want as of that time. I pity any guy dreaming of marriage without being financial update. You will be in hell if you try it. T

Lol... Responsibility on u? How again please... Are you trying to say if you make a marriage move then she stops getting money from elsewhere or what... Typically, no woman should totally depend on a man

That thread is why men die early and women reach old age before kicking the bucket. These women will confuse you to get married, even when they know you're struggling. They'll even deceive you and tell you they'll support you. Na when you enter the marriage eye go clear. For the sake of your mental health, listen to what OP is saying o

udoji2021:
I just come across a thread about this topic and felt like contributing on it.

https://www.nairaland.com/6703059/struggling-hard-money-hasnt-come

Guys, I will not beat around the bush, getting married when you are not financially bouyant is the greatest mistake that can NEVER be corrected, infact, it's a sin and against natural laws to bring someone's daughter to your house when you are struggling to take care of yourself and consequently starts laying foundation of poverty that will last for generations if not forever.

WHY?

Experience is the best teacher, I'm a victim of such circumstances and I know what I face in that type of marriage and is still facing. When you make such mistake, you will start sleeping abnormally which is the first sign of things to come, it will then lead to over thinking and depression. Forget about family members, no one will be there to help you when you needed their help. Begging to feed or meet your financial obligations is even worst cos first, the insults you will receive can make you commit suicide, and if you start this begging, people will always give you fake promises, the time that you would have used in doing productive something will be on moving from one place to another or staying online to reply people. Forget about all this motivational speakers cos you will only see another motivational quote from them when the sh*t hits the fan.

Secondly, the saying that someone obtain favor from Whatever God when you are Married is also false to some extent, God don't pour manna from heaven this days as was reported in the Bible (don't know if this is even true), get married and sit at home waiting for favor from the Lord and see if you didn't die of hunger within days.

Most painful part is that, you may end up suffering for another person children ignorantly, HOW?

Let me give an example, I went to one politician for help and this man told me to back later, he later sent someone to call my wife and start telling her to sleep with him (heavy pregnant woman o) before he can help. I was lucky that my wife told me about it with proof of what the man was doing, that was the day I stopped calling him. Now, what if she agreed without telling me and continued after she birth?

Guys, hustle and settle down first marriage and thank me later.

Lastly, all this girls will keep telling you that I will manage, I will manage, but if they finally come and stay with you, they will not manage again. Infact, that is how some women have finally taken over their houses and start maltreating the husbands for been weak.

In a nutshell, I'm of the opinion that a guy should hustle and have money, hustle hard again and have more money before he can start thinking of marriage.

" Infact, that is how some women have finally taken over their houses and start maltreating the husbands for been weak."
Of course, when it's taking over the house and mistreating the woman which is the normal thing that one is ok , abi ? ! Lol men will always dish out what they can't accept .

udoji2021:
I just come across a thread about this topic and felt like contributing on it.
...
In a nutshell, I'm of the opinion that a guy should hustle and have money, hustle hard again and have more money before he can start thinking of marriage.

OP, thank you so much for your contribution... that other thread was something else.

As for me, I would also like to advise young men that the era of marriage and having children is over, at least for the next few decades. All you have in your future is endless hard work, and for what? So you can spend all your days working and being stressed out, then die early, leaving your wife and children to enjoy what you killed yourself for?

This country is not a good place to bring children into anymore. Being married is another kind of punishment in this era.

Dont come and rub on us your failure to succeed. You went to marry a woman who has high taste , come here and be blabbing.


Pls. Marry your level!

MrBrownJay1:
a broke person borrowing money to take care of his kids?!?!?! bwaaaaah, thats exactly what i am talking against!!! if that dude had waited until he was in a better place, none of these would have happened. you still can get married but you have to WAIT before having kids..

Leave this talk of getting married and not having kids immediately. E no dey work like that. Plus, that thread highlighted getting married early so as to pop out kids early. If I no wan born pikin till I dey financially ok, why would I even get married in the first place. Thank God you said marriage and dating na same. We go dey enjoy the dating period till we are financially stable. Then, we'd marry and give birth immediately

udoji2021:
I stop replying your comments the moment you said dating and marriage are the same thing.
From your comments so far, I understand 3 things;
That you never experienced poverty in life and feel that all what people use to say is an exaggeration of their poor condition.
Or
You are purposely encouraging generational poverty.
Or
You are not married and is ingnorant of what is called marriage.

instead of understanding my words, you are focussing on the wrong thing and trying to make sense of irrelevant issues.
you still havent replied the simple question i asked: marriage is the next step of dating, so what extra money do you need in marriage, that you didnt need in dating?!?!

MrBrownJay1:
you sir do not know what you are talking about... 1st of all, if people are attracted to you for money, then they will never show their true colors so long as you give them the money they require (aka pay as you go). they will do/say/act as you want them to so long as you pay them, and you will only see their true colors when money don finish. sadly, the reality is that majority dont give a fukc about you but your money, and money is the only thing that matters to them,,,so again, what you wrote above is irrelevant to the subject at hand.

2nd if a girl pretends when dating BECAUSE OF YOUR MONEY, then you best believe thats this is exactly what she will do AFTER MARRIAGE... until she has enough money saved to now drop you and go marry the man of her dream (and probably support him with "your" money)

3rd money can NEVER solve the issue of disrespectful partners, because everyone knows that you cant buy respect....you can only buy deluded broke aass women who will pretend to respect you (for a fee).

4th if you think that paying a woman to respect you, is the way to go in this life, then i suggest you start to accept that you will solely be surrounded by oloshos for the rest of your natural life.

FINALLY only a broke and/or highly deluded person believes that money solves every problems in marriage. money doesnt solve cheating, money doesnt solve a disrespectful wife, money doesnt solve bad health, money doesnt solve ungrateful family/friends, money doesnt solve stupidity, money doesnt solve accidents and unforeseen tragedies.... etc etc etc

I have been followed ur comment from the beginning bro, you have points" but I disagree with you in some ways... For instance you said , money doesn't solve disrespectful wife , let me elaborate something to you bro, in this our generation, if you don't have money ur are nothing. If you don't have money, you wouldn't have access to good health care, you wouldn't get respect from ur own family talkless of ur wife family and the most painful part , wife wouldn't respect you and give you 100% submission.

TWLifestyle:

" Infact, that is how some women have finally taken over their houses and start maltreating the husbands for been weak."
Of course, when it's taking over the house and mistreating the woman which is the normal thing that one is ok , abi ? ! Lol men will always dish out what they can't accept .

I didn't mean it that way pls. Seems you misunderstood my initial post.

Thank you

Someone should make a thread why marrying in Nigeria is also a bad decision..
This shithole is hell oriented for its average, poor and even most rich citizens!!

FriendsAndFans:
The answer to your question is obvious.
Money is a tool to control, a wife will hardly want to disrespect you when she knows you hold a value of control over her needs

and if it takes you money to control your wife, I am sorry to say that what you've married is just a girlfriend or baby mama. You get the right woman for yourself only when you're broke. Everyone will probably claim to love you if you've money. The worst mistake a broke man that's of marriagable age can make is to wait till he has money before choosing a wife. If you can feed yourself, and she can also feed herself without your help, the combination of both of you can never be bad. So far you're not the type of person that love showing off around your in-laws just to impress them, and it's not mandatory you have children immediately after marriage until you both get your life planned out.

MrBrownJay1:
remember, that piece of paper makes a lot of people CHANGE (after they signed on the dotted line). many people out there believe that since you are married, you should accept any rubbish they throw at you because she is your wife "now" etc. i like my women to be on their toes, to know that they can lose me in any second if they dont act right. they need to understand that if they slack, i am out....thats the only way a woman will try to be the best she can possibly be, AT ALL TIME!!!
i dont do charity, i dont take that kind of gamble in my life, because in the world we live in today, a common law wife gets exactly the same deal as a married person (without the hassle of paperwork/divorce, if needs be).

i wont even dwell on beautiful princesses who turn into lazy babywhales...

MrBrownJay, I like your enthusiasm, what you are writing is how it is supposed to be, but I tell you what, when you sign that paper, fate sets your soul in motion, a mechanism higher than your logical understanding sets you in motion, and everything begins to change. No one can survive the grounding if you are not loaded and growing, it is a big bang. You become responsible for all that goes wrong your fault or not.

That is when you grow up. Logical reasoning has no place on that level.

Make that money. It cost money and courage. Not just money, but courage and bravery. Many can not survive and remain the same. It is the phase that makes or mar a man.