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My Uncle Has Decided To End His Marriage Of 30 Years / Man To End Marriage Of 16 Years With His Wife After Discovering Her Real Age / After 15yrs, I'm Still Haunted, Help!!!! (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Am About To End My 15yrs Marriage by Nobody: 7:51pm On Sep 27, 2021 |
neonly: With the example above, then I think things have gone wrong deeper than we all think here. I get you. Like I wrote earlier, some partners are just unreasonable. But still check yourself. Now, listen, I am a very straight forward person. You need to check if you can endure her more. If you cannot, you will wound yourself. You are getting to the dead end gradually where you reach your elasticity limit. And it is dangerous cos anything can happen if you reach that low level. Some kill their partners, while others kill themselves. Some even lay anger and aggression on colleagues at work or subordinates. While some get into deep depression. And this might lead to anything too. Many people died of high blood pressure, while many men ran into pot holes while driving cos they were in deep thought and that was the end. You must not reach your dead end. Sir, your children will live their lives if you die. Do you hear me. But it is still good you put them first. If you see a way out, my brother, separate for like 2 years. Cos even that is the recommendation before divorce. If you rush to file in divorce, the judge will ask you to separate first in many cases, as long as domestic violence, impotency, or some other extreme cases arent involved. And this is where your case fall into. So, without going for divorce now, separate from her if you know there is no way forward. If you feel she will give wahala, strategize well first before you leave. And put the children into consideration. If it is you who will go and look for a room outside, leave the house but continue paying the rent for the kids. They can do 2 weeks with her, one week with you. Or maybe weekends with you. See, if her career is her thing, there will be lapses with the children, and that is how you will take them. But if she needs her family, she will cool off and sense will fall on her. If you know she is the cra.zy type, you may want to move your children abroad ooooo like you wrote. It is an option you consider if you know she is a not an eazy person. This is the way Anita bent Paul Okoye. She knows she wont have rest of mind in Naija. And when Paul went to visit them, they shared it. I guess she went online cos Paul was about doing some nasty things due to the divorce. And truly, she is not saying Paul should not visit his children. Why will she even say that when ma.dness is not in her. A whole Psquare. Lol. So, she used wisdom. It depends on the woman you are dealing with. My point is that if she is totally m.ad now, plan well before you move out, or find a way to move your kids abroad. But if she is cooperative, then move out of the house, but be responsible for what tou have been doing. This is the way ooo. Cos you will just be dying in silence. My advise is you settle your dispute as husband and wife, but if you see that it is beyond it, guy, separate. If after the 1st year, there is no change, hmmmmm. You will see na. Maybe someone will start dating her. if she keeps the children more by herself at the initial stage, and then suddenly she is pushing them to you, then know that the house you are paying for, someone is already "molating" your wifey. And that's it. Even your children may be the ones to burst it. As soon as that enters, oga, prepare for divorce. And you know there is already mutual relationship with you guys, so divorce will come without bitterness. And the children are staying more with you. That you must do oooo. Even you need to get a nanny. In that case, you will need a bigger place. If your wife has brain and still needs the marriage, if you move out she will sit tight. If she doesnt sit tight, then, forget the marriage, she is gone. And there nothing you can do about it. So, please, do not initiate divorce. Let events roll. You can separate, and do not ever mention divorce. Dont ever say "I will divorce you". Never. Say it with paper. Na the paper from court go say am for you at the right time. Or let her initiate it herself when she feels like. That's it bro. May God give you peace again. 3 Likes |
Re: Am About To End My 15yrs Marriage by poiZon: 8:00pm On Sep 27, 2021 |
Kobojunkie:If she is hoardng the money without letting the husband know, then she has hidden agenda. Na men de dey secretive for marriage not wife. When a wife becomes so secretive in her finances then there is serious issues. There r some men that wont want to ask u about ur money cos of their pride, but its the duty of the wife to let her husband know what u earn, it shows maturity and submissiveness. Anything short of that is error. That marriage won't work, what they r doing is managing it. What if the man stop earning money today, what will happen to the family? If u have 20naira and can't share even when u r being taken care of, is it when there is crisis that u will start sharing... |
Re: Am About To End My 15yrs Marriage by Nobody: 8:02pm On Sep 27, 2021 |
AfroKnight: Human psychology > yeye love. I learnt late. |
Re: Am About To End My 15yrs Marriage by Mayflowa(m): 8:04pm On Sep 27, 2021 |
Kobojunkie: Kobojunkie, these are not about compromise or collaboration. The wife abhors those two words that would make a marriage work. She doesn't spend for the house and does not care for the household chores. What do you want him to salvage? Another thing that would make a man do home chores is appreciation. There are many way a wife can lure her husband into doing everything for her. It comes from appreciation, romance, praises and bedworks, not by challenge and rights. You must remember men grow up differently from women. There are things a husband would not watch a woman do at home. So also women should feel about men doing something. As good and understanding husband, we should endeavor to help but we shouldn't be mandated to do them, especially if we make provision for the household. 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Am About To End My 15yrs Marriage by AfroKnight: 8:07pm On Sep 27, 2021 |
theForth: Some people actually find love. But you see Nigerian women ehn? They are conceited. They bring bare minimum to the relationship and expect you to move mountains for them. Yet they remain emotionally lazy. 1 Like |
Re: Am About To End My 15yrs Marriage by Amanda4life: 8:09pm On Sep 27, 2021 |
neonly: PRIVATE SCHOOL IS TOUGH. YOU YOUR SELF , YOU ARE NOT FINANCIALLY OKAY THATS WHY SHE CANNOT LEAN ON YOU FINANCIALLY. OR YOU ARE NOT OPEN TO HER IN TERMS OF YOUR INCOME, AND YOU ARE NOT SUPPORTING MUCH FINANCIALLY, THATS WHY SHE DONT TRUST YOUR FINANCE, YOU HID YOUR EARNING S, SHE BUILDING FINANCIAL SECURITY AROUND HER SELF. BECAUSE , YOU ONLY SPEND ON THE CHILDREN, YOU DONT INCLUDE HER IN YOUR PLAN, SHE IS JUST TRYING TO BUILD HER OWN WALL. YOU ARE NOT OPEN TO HER, YOU DONT TELL HER TRUTH, SHE HAS DETECTED A LOT OF LIES FROM YOU. YOU HAVE HIDDEN A LOT OF THINGS FROM HER AND SHE HAS FOUND OUT. YOU TELL HER LIES A LOT, SO SHE DOESN'T TRUST YOU. SHE HATES LAIRER. JUST TRY TO CHANGE SHE IS HARD WORKING |
Re: Am About To End My 15yrs Marriage by ahnie: 8:10pm On Sep 27, 2021 |
Mayflowa:Take this kisses Tell me if you need more I have them in quantum. |
Re: Am About To End My 15yrs Marriage by Aurelius1(m): 8:11pm On Sep 27, 2021 |
neonly:How old is your wife? Don't be offended, but I have a clue as to what might be the problem. |
Re: Am About To End My 15yrs Marriage by Godszilla: 8:20pm On Sep 27, 2021 |
Dude I understand your pain but hey that's what love is really is - love is pain. Forget what a few a telling that it's about your ego,there's no harm there it's natural to feel dat way same y a woman feel wen u av had dem or c there unclothedness dats y they r woman n y we r human. Bro u need to take charge not aggressive dude but in 15yrs u shud understand how to run a home unless if u failed in u duty now u r reaping d fruit of u fail ability. If u can com bak from work n do d chores what stops d lady from doing same which is r primary role at home.evrn if she's d breadwinner the best player in team mustn't b d captain. It's wisdom dat u r d head but nrva abuse d position. I no how difficult for men with their children mos don't no how much we really attached to dem n hurts inside but cos u love them am sori u will beats dis n hope n pray she c tins differently. Truth is marriage is tuff n probably overrated but u av to not a must but its a gift no human shud pass by neonly: |
Re: Am About To End My 15yrs Marriage by Amanda4life: 8:24pm On Sep 27, 2021 |
neonly: NOT ONLY FOR YOUR FAMILY HAPPINESS, WHAT ABOUT SIDE CHICK HAPPINESS. IF YOUR WIFE DOES NOT MAKE YOU HAPPY, REST I BEG. SINCE SHE IS NOT THE ONLY ONE YOU SPEND ON, GO TO THE OTHER OZA PERSON NA 1 Like |
Re: Am About To End My 15yrs Marriage by Aurelius1(m): 8:29pm On Sep 27, 2021 |
theamazonguru:God bless you for this wonderful piece. 1 Like |
Re: Am About To End My 15yrs Marriage by Amanda4life: 8:30pm On Sep 27, 2021 |
LET ME TELL ALL OF YOU. ONCE A WOMAN, KNOWS YOU AS A LIAR, AND THAT HIDE A LOT OF THINGS FROM HER SHE CAN NOT TRUST YOU, SOMETIMES IT MAY TAKE HER YEARS TO BUILD AN INVISIBLE WALL, MOST OF US WILL BEGIN TO GROW APART, AND IT KEEPS GOING ON AND ON. THATS WHY SOME WOMENS WHEN THEIR HUSBAND DIES, THEIR BEAUTY WILL BEGIN TO RADIATE, THEY GET FATTER AND HAVE PEACE OF MIND, |
Re: Am About To End My 15yrs Marriage by Gandollar(f): 8:36pm On Sep 27, 2021 |
Kestolove:Hey! You transcribed your siggy. Like you got tired of frightening us. |
Re: Am About To End My 15yrs Marriage by JesusDWay(m): 8:37pm On Sep 27, 2021 |
ufotty2001: You are very much likely a mugu to her or, at best, she's immature! At any rate, I advice you leave that relationship. Much as a man ought to provide, relationships shouldn't be reduced to material things 1 Like |
Re: Am About To End My 15yrs Marriage by sisisioge: 8:38pm On Sep 27, 2021 |
Why not get a maid? She probably had been doing all those chores you're wary of before she decided to do something for herself too. She isnt your maid or the children's maid....get a maid to take off those chores and see yourself and wifey being friends again. I am almost sure that you only started the chores recently while madam had been doing them without opening threads for the better part of your 15yrs marriage. |
Re: Am About To End My 15yrs Marriage by Gandollar(f): 8:39pm On Sep 27, 2021 |
Have you gone for counseling OP? |
Re: Am About To End My 15yrs Marriage by JesusDWay(m): 8:41pm On Sep 27, 2021 |
neonly: She probably feels she's invested too much of her time in keeping with the domestic demands of the marriage hence, her leaving virtually everything and probably not caring whether you will take it up or not. You will need prayers and talking with her to get her to change because, that state she's in now is dangerous! Even if you divorce her, there's no sign she will care about the children, meaning you are still likely to be the one to raise those children alone. You seriously need God to intervene as it seems all the odds are stacked against you. 1 Like |
Re: Am About To End My 15yrs Marriage by Kobojunkie: 8:45pm On Sep 27, 2021 |
poiZon:I honestly don't know as information on what is really going on keep trickling in from the OP and I too have been trying to play catch up as well. |
Re: Am About To End My 15yrs Marriage by ityP(m): 8:48pm On Sep 27, 2021 |
neonly: Omo. Consider divorce abeg. No allow marriage make you commit suicide. I have said my own |
Re: Am About To End My 15yrs Marriage by neonly: 8:49pm On Sep 27, 2021 |
Aurelius1: 40"s |
Re: Am About To End My 15yrs Marriage by ityP(m): 8:53pm On Sep 27, 2021 |
neonly: Omo. Na wahala for your kids o. Divorce is the answer |
Re: Am About To End My 15yrs Marriage by Kobojunkie: 8:55pm On Sep 27, 2021 |
Mayflowa:Doing housework or taking care of one's kids should never be about egos. And a wife shouldn't need to "lure" a husband into doing that which is to the benefit of his family or household. Common sense ought to always kick on in these things. That OP's is obviously slacking as far as her marriage is concerned, should not change that at all. 1 Like |
Re: Am About To End My 15yrs Marriage by Gfskw: 8:58pm On Sep 27, 2021 |
Hmmm |
Re: Am About To End My 15yrs Marriage by ityP(m): 9:00pm On Sep 27, 2021 |
pappilo: I tell people this often. Divorce and separation is much better for kids than a toxic home. But naija, with our mumu mentality, will tell you otherwise 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Am About To End My 15yrs Marriage by neonly: 9:01pm On Sep 27, 2021 |
Amanda4life: I believe most of what u said but if you read d post it been going on for years at a point it becomes a bitter natural things for us to keep things always from each other which I don't like But like u said she has build dis wall around herself and it affecting our relationship I have tried to talk and do all things I know but it seems it beyond me Just tired dat d truth you can't force a camel to drink water it a choice We once saw a phycatric and they told her dat she d only person dat can make us happy cause they knew I open up but she didn't so I really tired to see a phycatric no bi small money to talk us but? |
Re: Am About To End My 15yrs Marriage by Albertone(m): 9:02pm On Sep 27, 2021 |
sabreal: He tolerated it. When she is starting to bring issues, that was when he was supposed to have been taking actions. 1 Like |
Re: Am About To End My 15yrs Marriage by efficiencie(m): 9:04pm On Sep 27, 2021 |
neonly: She cannot all of a sudden decide to pursue her own ambitions without carrying the family along. There is a lot you are not sharing with us and you want us to advice you. If all was well for over a decade then tell us what went wrong. Tells us if you supported her ambitions. Tell us if you discussed ambitions before marriage and tell us what agreement you two arrived at...if you wife has abandoned her duty to you it may be in response to you abandoning her. Humans tend to be vengeful when wronged deeply. If both you do not see eye to eye without a confrontation blowing up in your faces, then call for a family meeting with her parents, your parents and her. Let everything that has transpired be laid bare and you do your part. |
Re: Am About To End My 15yrs Marriage by ityP(m): 9:05pm On Sep 27, 2021 |
SimplyFacts: Wow. She's a she No wonder. Omo. Werey come dey disguise like who really wan solve problem, when in actuality, na style to give this man wife more power to do nonsense. It's clear now 2 Likes |
Re: Am About To End My 15yrs Marriage by neonly: 9:06pm On Sep 27, 2021 |
Amanda4life: But for how long Guy let tell you as you grow older u begin to out grow something's and focus on yur old age so it painful for the person you call yur wife not to be on board Side chicks will come and go I stay at akoka them full der but is not a life I want permanently for myself 1 Like |
Re: Am About To End My 15yrs Marriage by Kobojunkie: 9:09pm On Sep 27, 2021 |
grandlexuz:Society's roles mean nothing in the grand scheme of things except to those who place value on it, right? Roles spelt out in legal registry restricts the institution to the legal dimensions, does it not, meaning marriages freeedoms are hampered by it? That is not the kind of marriage I refer to here. I have friends who do the cooking when I go over to their place. In fact, one of them does the cooking and cleaning on many occasions since his wife is usually busy with her friend/clients on such occasions. There is nothing wrong with such a marriage setting. In fact as I said, couples should freely define their relationship based on what works best for their case. As for the Op, so long as it is his house, doing chores shouldn't be an ego thing but something that should be done by whomever is able to. I mean if she doesn't so it and he doesn't do it, who will? The kids? Anyone who os able to should do it. As for communication with the wife, maybe the OP will create another thread to tell us how that goes. |
Re: Am About To End My 15yrs Marriage by neonly: 9:09pm On Sep 27, 2021 |
efficiencie: What you said is deep but Na me know we d shoe hurts |
Re: Am About To End My 15yrs Marriage by Kobojunkie: 9:11pm On Sep 27, 2021 |
efficiencie:I concur! Neonly, I agree with this poster as there seems to be something you are not telling us... your wife's behavior comes off as one who has been hurt or is fighting something but you claim you don't know what and that seems a bit.... |
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