theForth:

Women will always be women.

No woman who is highly placed will even think of settling down with a man beneath her status, love no dey reach that side. I think men should adopt similar ideology, marry a woman who has a lot going on for herself if you do too.

True talk

Never marry from a poor background!

[s]

Xman12345goat:


True talk

[/s]

Trash talk!

Oh! So, You never knew she was from a "poor background" before you decided to waste her time for more than 8yrs? Guy! No let god punish you!
Your eyes don enter another person abi? All of a sudden, she's from a poor background!"

Na now your eyes clear!

Eight years? Abi na jail sentence? Mehn.

mariahAngel:


Trash talk!

Oh! So, You never knew she was from a "poor background" before you decided to waste her time for more than 8yrs? Guy! No let god punish you!
Your eyes don enter another person abi? All of a sudden, she's from a poor background!"

Na now your eyes clear!

So you think there is one beautiful hour glass looking nurse in his Federal medical Center that he his eyeing abi?

But jokes apart, which money will he use to take care of the 6 siblings. Then his own family, abi they should just die in poverty fa?

VTJN:
This is Africa man. It is expected for every man to be the bread winner of the family. Women are solely meant to look after the home and kids

Na civilisation make some women dey work small small to be supportive. Still that doesn't stop the man from being the bread winner of the family

When he has money- it is the man that is expected to be bread winner. This is Africa.


When she has money -it is expected to be gender equality. This is 21st century.

frozen70:


Be a man at this point

She has passed all the qualities you want in a woman remaining education

She can get education if you are willing to put her through its never too late

She has not done anything wrong to warrant you dropping the marriage

You already know that she is from a poor home and you were willing to help

Someone must hold the lather for someone to climb to the top

You may marry that educated woman that will put you in a hot seat for life yet you will regret why you dropped her

Build chioma to the taste of what you want from her

She can be trained as auxiliary nurse

She can be trained in other areas of women life

She is not a disabled woman so she is capable of doing what you guys desire

Her star could help brighten your light

That you are a Doc doesn't mean she has no value

But if you want to follow the advice of your mum, go ahead but when it's time to regret you alone will feel the pains not your mother

She is a treasure hold her tight because she loves you and has remained loyal to you

If you are rich help the poor, as simple as that

It's not only be a man

truthsayer009:


So you think there is one beautiful hour glass looking nurse in his Federal medical Center that he his eyeing abi?

E no dey obvious? who’s he trying to deceive?

But jokes apart, which money will he use to take care of the 6 siblings. Then his own family, abi they should just die in poverty fa?

He doesn’t have to take care of her siblings (unless he wants to), as they’re not his responsibility.
That is just a lame and available excuse to japa!

Those two old women that commented 1st and 2nd won't say that thrash if the reverse was the case..

OP see how you can coordinate your finance for everyone. If you know you can't meet up, leave her.. make better rich man marry her..

This op self no get sense, you don pay brideprice finish you come here dy ask questions? Talk of putting the cart before the horse? Oga shes your wife already. Congrats on your future suffering. You dated someone for 8 years and you did not think about all these until someone else had to point it out to you? I dont even think the op should be talking of marriage, he lacks common sense.

From the op's replies to other people's comments, one can infer that his mind is already made up to dump Chioma like a very hot potato any moment from now. Look op I am a glorified philanderer and misogynist, and I think very little of women as they are all solipsistic beings. However a man should strive to be honorable at all times. You have paid her brideprice already so you MUST stay with her (notice I used the word 'stay' and not 'marry' as you are already married to her). You cannot change the goalposts after the game has started. That poor girl should not be the one to take the blame for your utter stupidity. If you leave her who will marry her again? Now she'll even have more problems because apart from having an aged mother and six siblings, she'll become second-hand. No man would want to pay any brideprice for someone whose hand had already been sought and in fact given out in marriage!! Abeg have conscience.

dominique:
You and your parents were not aware of their financial situation all though the time you were dating? Did they not accompany you to pay her bride price? The deed has been done, you have already married her and you have no choice but to manage the situation. You know her people are low income people, they will always look up to you for financial support. You need to know where to draw the line so they won't milk you dry and run you in debt.

PS. Who made it a rule that it's the duty of the first born to train his/younger siblings? African parents needs to do away with this mentality of birthing children to carry financial responsibilities in future. It's totally unfair

You better take style run. Your story reminds me of bola146

Oyin2212:

It's not only be a man

This "be a man" statement don kill many men.

yomi007k:


This "be a man" statement don kill many men.

Aswear bro

Mercychen:
Are you yourself rich?
If you are, you won't bother asking this question.

Most rich couples you see today started small. They worked hard to get there. So stop thinking every one must be ready-made before they can get married.

Marrying from a middle class family doesn't guarantee a successful or happy marriage. Don't let your mum make such lifetime choices for you because you might live to regret it.

Marry the woman you love and rub minds with her as regards her familys liability placed on you and try to see how she can assist to relieve you of some of their burdens.

Finally, it's not a crime If God uses you to lift a family. However if it's telling badly on your finances, I'll advise you discuss with your sweet heart. She'll know how to stylishly tell her family to free you. Na normal thing. Her family will understand and adjust.

Love no easy to find o.

Can you marry a poor man?be sincere

frozen70:


If a poor man will have the confidence to approach a rich woman for marriage

He already knows that he will humble himself

Or do you expect him to be poor and have pride

Abeggi, if this case was reversed, most girls would run. Make d bros go for him class. no b only girls get class

Xman12345goat:


True talk

Have you discussed with her ? What was her response?

No one can force you into paying bills you don't want to, unless there's something you aren't telling us.

shege45:
Can you marry a poor man?be sincere

What is your definition of poor?

As far as I'm concerned, 80% of Nigerians are poor. So there's no need asking that question.

Virtually every fellow you can still meet within your circle both middle class and the so called poor ( apart from the elites in the society) are in the same category> poor. The rich we know are obviously rich.

To your question, I've dated a guy that was squatting with a friend before with marriage in view but I never saw him as poor.

Mercychen:


What is your definition of poor?

As far as I'm concerned, 80% of Nigerians are poor. So there's no need asking that question.

So, virtually every fellow you can still meet with your circle both middle class and the so called poor ( apart from the elites in the society) are in the same category> poor. The rich we know are obviously rich.

To your question, I've dated a guy that was squatting with a friend before with marriage in view but I never saw him as poor.

So why didn't you marry him and squat with his friend..

Longsleeve:

So why didn't you marry him and squat with his friend..

If you were the friend, would you agree to that?

mariahAngel:


If you were the friend, would you agree to that?

You're not getting my point..

She doesn't like to marry the poor man but she advising the OP to do same..

yomi007k:


This "be a man" statement don kill many men.

Lol!

Xman12345goat:
Good evening all, I am a medical doctor who just graduated about 5 years ago. I have completed my mandatory one year internship and NYSC program. I now work in a Federal medical Center in the East.

The reason why I created this topic is to seek advice on the risk of getting married into a very poor family. I love my girlfriend Chioma very well. I have been dating her for more than 8 years now and would like to settle down with her. I have met her family and paid her bride price.

The problem here is that she comes from a very poor family. Her dad is late and her mum is a petty trader. She is the first child and has six siblings. She is very beautiful, hardworking, God fearing but not educated. She only completed secondary school. Immediately after introduction, I kind of became the bread winner of her family and had to support in training her younger siblings in school not forgetting that am the first son/child of my own family and I have to cater for my own siblings too.

My mum is now bothered and wants me to call off the wedding and marry someone from a middle income family, at least some one with a degree certificate, am beginning to reason with her because of the nature of our economy, but I love chioma very much and I don't want to disappoint her.

Your situation is a fallout of the confusion we see in marriage roles and traditions today.

In our parents' time, you would not wait eight years before Chioma's poverty becomes uncomfortable for you as the traditional expectation of catering for her family is clear. You also did not develop Chioma to a point she can contribute financially to the family purse or cater for her family without your input.

While you were going to Medical School, what was Chioma doing? What are/were your plans for the future?

As it is, you have paid her bride price hence married to her; you can decide to cut her family off and care for only yourselves (Chioma + future kids) or become the beast of burden for both families.:
> For yours, they trained you and want to reap where they sowed
> For hers, you are their daughter's husband and should bear their burden

In addition to the concern your mom has, she is also protecting her investment (you) so you don't neglect the family and face your in-laws.

Whatever you decide, your story would teach people to count the cost of any venture before they embark on it.

I also hope we will see an end to people having more kids than they can cater for.

Xman12345goat:
Good evening all, I am a medical doctor who just graduated about 5 years ago. I have completed my mandatory one year internship and NYSC program. I now work in a Federal medical Center in the East.

The reason why I created this topic is to seek advice on the risk of getting married into a very poor family. I love my girlfriend Chioma very well. I have been dating her for more than 8 years now and would like to settle down with her. I have met her family and paid her bride price.

The problem here is that she comes from a very poor family. Her dad is late and her mum is a petty trader. She is the first child and has six siblings. She is very beautiful, hardworking, God fearing but not educated. She only completed secondary school. Immediately after introduction, I kind of became the bread winner of her family and had to support in training her younger siblings in school not forgetting that am the first son/child of my own family and I have to cater for my own siblings too.

My mum is now bothered and wants me to call off the wedding and marry someone from a middle income family, at least some one with a degree certificate, am beginning to reason with her because of the nature of our economy, but I love chioma very much and I don't want to disappoint her.

U reason like a little child. 1. For looking down on the lady u want to marry and her family and for saying She is not educated. 2. For allowing ur mum to control u like a baby and decide 4 u who u should marry. By the way, did anyone forced u to support her siblings?

Mercychen:
Are you yourself rich?
If you are, you won't bother asking this question.

Most rich couples you see today started small. They worked hard to get there. So stop thinking every one must be ready-made before they can get married.

Marrying from a middle class family doesn't guarantee a successful or happy marriage. Don't let your mum make such lifetime choices for you because you might live to regret it.

Marry the woman you love and rub minds with her as regards her familys liability placed on you and try to see how she can assist to relieve you of some of their burdens.

Finally, it's not a crime If God uses you to lift a family. However if it's telling badly on your finances, I'll advise you discuss with your sweet heart. She'll know how to stylishly tell her family to free you. Na normal thing. Her family will understand and adjust.

Love no easy to find o.

No mind the guy jor! Na mummy's boy. It's people like him that ends up being a baby husband.

bukatyne:


Your situation is a fallout of the confusion we see in marriage roles and traditions today.

In our parents' time, you would not wait eight years before Chioma's poverty becomes uncomfortable for you as the traditional expectation of catering for her family is clear. You also did not develop Chioma to a point she can contribute financially to the family purse or cater for her family without your input.

While you were going to Medical School, what was Chioma doing? What are/were your plans for the future?

As it is, you have paid her bride price hence married to her; you can decide to cut her family off and care for only yourselves (Chioma + future kids) or become the beast of burden for both families.:
> For yours, they trained you and want to reap where they sowed
> For hers, you are their daughter's husband and should bear their burden

In addition to the concern your mom has, she is also protecting her investment (you) so you don't neglect the family and face your in-laws.

Whatever you decide, your story would teach people to count the cost of any venture before they embark on it.

I also hope we will see an end to people having more kids than they can cater for.

Must men do everything for women, chai!

Forget, men dey suffer abeg.

Truvelisback:
No mind the guy jor! Na mummy's boy. It's people like that ends up being a baby husband.

I'm telling you.

Mercychen:


I'm telling you.

U dey hear him foolish words. The lady waited for him For good 8years, even while he was still schooling. She could have left him and get married to another guy all these while but she didn't. Now, he has gotten a good job, the lady now is an illiterate to him. He is now looking for a filmsy excuse to dump her in the name of "my mummy say". Can u imagine?

Truvelisback:
U dey hear him foolish words. The lady waited for him For good 8years, even while he was still schooling. She could have left him and get married to another guy all these while but she didn't. Now, he has gotten a good job, the lady now is an illiterate to him. He is now looking for a filmsy excuse to dump her in the name of "my mummy say". Can u imagine?

Don't mind him. He's forming levels all of a sudden.

I don't blame him. I blame the girl for sticking with a student and wasting her time.

The major drawback I always see in a scenario like this is the fact that if the reverse were to be the case, the same lady might be among the 99.9% of ladies who wouldn't want to have anything to do with you because of your poor background even when the zeal and potential are glaring. Apart from that and assuming that she's resourceful and conscientious and has an altruistic interest in you, and vice versa, I don't see any reason why you should dump her when with just the equivalent of your two months salary you can set her up. And of course, provided that her family members are scrupulous. 99.9% of people who are poor/unable to become financially successful are so not because of the big money they don't have, but because they're not resourceful and gumptious in general.

I don't always see the essence of sharing closeness with anyone who, by virtue, lacks what it takes to command one's selflessness or can't make a selfless sacrifice for one when necessary.

Mercychen:
Are you yourself rich?
If you are, you won't bother asking this question.

Most rich couples you see today started small. They worked hard to get there. So stop thinking every one must be ready-made before they can get married.

Marrying from a middle class family doesn't guarantee a successful or happy marriage. Don't let your mum make such lifetime choices for you because you might live to regret it.

Marry the woman you love and rub minds with her as regards her familys liability placed on you and try to see how she can assist to relieve you of some of their burdens.

Finally, it's not a crime If God uses you to lift a family. However if it's telling badly on your finances, I'll advise you discuss with your sweet heart. She'll know how to stylishly tell her family to free you. Na normal thing. Her family will understand and adjust.

Love no easy to find o.

Rubbish