Raalsalghul:



Madam, there are levels to this shit.

Poor Chioma + Mum---fine

Poor Chioma + Mum + a sibling---still fine

Poor Chioma + Mum + two siblings---maybe manageable (assuming the Op doesn't have any responsibilities from his side)

But Poor Chioma + Mum + 6 other siblings + Op's Mum + Op's siblings? Haba!

I would have expected you came up with something else than emotional guilt-tripping.

Most ladies that have commented so far have probably put themselves in Chioma's shoes and gone ahead to say "Marry her na."

In the same vein, they should put themselves in the position of the Op's mother or perhaps a sister that might need his financial assistance and see if they'll advise such.

It is only logical for the Op to reconsider his marriage plans with the said lady. I only blame him for tagging her along for good eight years: perhaps he lacked foresight.

It's mostly women asking op to marry the woman. That's hypergamy speaking. Come on a lowly poor village uneducated girl marrying a medical doctor. That's the perfect nollywood love story but unfortunately for op it won't lead to a happily ever after. A doctor is not even a man shes even supposed to get with her status but it happened. No woman will think logically.

Marrying an even educated working woman in this Nigeria sef dey hot talk less of an uneducated woman that will be a liability. People are saying let op train the woman. As if that's easy on his probably 150k salary. If book no come gree enter her head nko

@cococandy
Funny when poor people don’t want to marry other poor people.
Abeg who will marry us if our fellow poor folks think they are too good for us?



@me
One directional taste can be soar. A good mix is better. If two people are in a pit who will lift up each other.

Op this is a tough one. 8 good years and the joy of marrying a medical doctor. If Chioma loose this .......hmmm

You are in it. You are in it. Marry her. Empower her and ask her to strictly take care of her self and siblings from there.

Matter finish

tensazangetsu20:
Guy notice how all the people supporting the marriage are all women. That's hypergamy speaking. Ask yourself this if you were uneducated and poor would any female doctor be willing to marry you.

Guy give yourself brain o. Doctors in Nigeria don't earn well and the responsibilities she will bring both from her and her family members will stall your dreams. I don't know if you are a resident planning to become a consultant or even writing foreign exams to japa but whichever route you take will require serious financial resources and concentration. Once you marry her now, prepare for her parents to ship at least two of her siblings to you. Don't say you don't care bla bla bla. This is Africa o. A cup of beans is 700 naira now. A cup of rice is 500. Food is expensive. Even on a salary of 500k as a doctor which you need to be senior resident to earn you will live hand to mouth. Better give yourself a working brain before you do what will you will regret for the rest of your life.

Can't blame these women — marriage is mostly how a lot of them (the married ones) moved up in life, and it's how a lot of them (the unmarried ones) will move up in life.

Just see how all of a sudden, being poor is not so bad...
Jokes.

tensazangetsu20:


It's mostly women asking op to marry the woman. That's hypergamy speaking. Come on a lowly poor village uneducated girl marrying a medical doctor. That's the perfect nollywood love story but unfortunately for op it won't lead to a happily ever after. A doctor is not even a man shes even supposed to get with her status but it happened. No woman will think logically.

Marrying an even educated working woman in this Nigeria sef dey hot talk less of an uneducated woman that will be a liability. People are saying let op train the woman. As if that's easy on his probably 150k salary. If book no come gree enter her head nko

Na their way — expectation for some, reality for others.

Xman12345goat:
Good evening all, I am a medical doctor who just graduated about 5 years ago. I have completed my mandatory one year internship and NYSC program. I now work in a Federal medical Center in the East.

The reason why I created this topic is to seek advice on the risk of getting married into a very poor family. I love my girlfriend Chioma very well. I have been dating her for more than 8 years now and would like to settle down with her. I have met her family and paid her bride price.

The problem here is that she comes from a very poor family. Her dad is late and her mum is a petty trader. She is the first child and has six siblings. She is very beautiful, hardworking, God fearing but not educated. She only completed secondary school. Immediately after introduction, I kind of became the bread winner of her family and had to support in training her younger siblings in school not forgetting that am the first son/child of my own family and I have to cater for my own siblings too.

My mum is now bothered and wants me to call off the wedding and marry someone from a middle income family, at least some one with a degree certificate, am beginning to reason with her because of the nature of our economy, but I love chioma very much and I don't want to disappoint her.

The only issue I have here is you dating her for over 8years before figuring all of this out.

Please tell us, what's the real issue?


And yes, your mom does have a point... But still, why wait 8years?

And yes, they can still return the bride-price. People get divorced after many years of marriage, so yours should be less stressful... But still, why wait 8years?

yomi007k:
The question I have for you is will Chioma marry you if the tables were turned?


Don't let anyone guilt trip you. Love fades and reality sets in after a few years and by that time it will be too late because you will be bothering with middle age crises. Whatever choice you make will be your responsibility and not "village people"


The truth is bitter but it sets you free.

Something to ponder on.

crackhaus:

The only issue I have here is you dating her for over 8years before figuring all of this out.

Please tell us, what's the real issue?


And yes, your mom does have a point... But still, why wait 8years?

And yes, they can still return the bride-price. People get divorced after many years of marriage, so yours should be less stressful... But still, why wait 8years?

That's the ultimate question, why wait 8 years to realize she's poor, first girl and has plenty siblings.

I’m just here wondering how she’s gonna start afresh if you break up the marriage after 8 solid yrs of being in her life .

It’s gonna be traumatizing . O.p it is no fault of hers the family she came from, it was fate. Don’t abandon her , instead make plans with her to reduce the load her family’s predicament have on you.

tensazangetsu20:


It's mostly women asking op to marry the woman. That's hypergamy speaking. Come on a lowly poor village uneducated girl marrying a medical doctor. That's the perfect nollywood love story but unfortunately for op it won't lead to a happily ever after. A doctor is not even a man shes even supposed to get with her status but it happened. No woman will think logically.

Marrying an even educated working woman in this Nigeria sef dey hot talk less of an uneducated woman that will be a liability. People are saying let op train the woman. As if that's easy on his probably 150k salary. If book no come gree enter her head nko

crackhaus:

The only issue I have here is you dating her for over 8years before figuring all of this out.

Please tell us, what's the real issue?


And yes, your mom does have a point... But still, why wait 8years?

And yes, they can still return the bride-price. People get divorced after many years of marriage, so yours should be less stressful... But still, why wait 8years?

8 years is too long honestly.

But then I just went back again and re-read the whole post. It was when he completed introduction that the family started to put burden of other siblings on him. Not before.

If I was the OP, I would simply move on with my life if the family is adamant of me taking care of their whole siblings. I will marry her only if we have an agreement that I am only responsible for their daughter and not their whole family. If this decision cannot be met, then we cancel the whole wedding. Isha Allah.

NoToPile:
I find it discomforting when people talk about calling of wedding after bride price has been paid, is bride pricr payment not marriage rite. You are married already uncle.

That said, she never pretended or portrayed another thing to you. You and your family know how they are , you knew for 8 years now after paying bride price you are speaking grammer fear God nau, you think some other suitors wouldn't have come around those 8 years?

You didn't make a decision all this time, its after you have married her traditionally you and your people are realizing she doesn't have a degree and that they are poor.

Being poor is not a crime please.

Anyway you are married already, find a way yo manage your in-laws and your people. God be with you.

This is when the realization came. It was only after he married her that he took the role. For 8 years the relationship dynamic wasn't this way. It is a burden that the family just put on him, hence the sudden realization.

Immediately after introduction, I kind of became the bread winner of her family and had to support in training her younger siblings in school not forgetting that am the first son/child of my own family and I have to cater for my own siblings too.

truthsayer009:


This is when the realization came. It was only after he married her that he took the role. For 8 years the relationship dynamic wasn't this way. It is a burden that the family just put on him, hence the sudden realization.

Just placed on him? The burden has always been there. He simply decided to ignore. It was bound to manifest. A doctor who is also a first child of his family and marrying an uneducated/unemployed first-child from a family of six should know better than assuming and expecting an unrealistic future.

dominique:
You and your parents were not aware of their financial situation all though the time you were dating? Did they not accompany you to pay her bride price? The deed has been done, you have already married her and you have no choice but to manage the situation. You know her people are low income people, they will always look up to you for financial support. You need to know where to draw the line so they won't milk you dry and run you in debt.

PS. Who made it a rule that it's the duty of the first born to train his/younger siblings? African parents needs to do away with this mentality of birthing children to carry financial responsibilities in future. It's totally unfair

So, the first born should let go of his/her siblings to wallow in poverty? The deed has been done, the first born should assist his/her siblings. What if those siblings sacrificed their career/education for the benefit of the first born? Don't they have to be repaid in kindness?

I was once had same thoughts but after thinking it through, I see why the black tax happens.

Vision101:

You are in it. You are in it. Marry her. Empower her and ask her to strictly take care of her self and siblings from there.

This is not a realistic suggestion sha. How many Level 12 civil servants can strictly take care of 6 siblings? At best, that woman would only be able to take care of herself in the short to medium term.

truthsayer009:


8 years is too long honestly.

But then I just went back again and re-read the whole post. It was when he completed introduction that the family started to put burden of other siblings on him. Not before.

If I was the OP, I would simply move on with my life if the family is adamant of me taking care of their whole siblings. I will marry her only if we have an agreement that I am only responsible for their daughter and not their whole family. If this decision cannot be met, then we cancel the whole wedding. Isha Allah.

Full stop! If possible make it a written agreement. Most families are looking for whom to dump all their responsibilities on. After suffering to uplift them now, they will start saying rubbish like "what did you even do for me that nobody has done before". The worst sets of ingrates are those poverty ridden people.

Gerrard59:


So, the first born should let go of his/her siblings to wallow in poverty? The deed has been done, the first born should assist his/her siblings. What if those siblings sacrificed their career/education for the benefit of the first born? Don't they have to be repaid in kindness?

I was once had same thoughts but after thinking it through, I see why the black tax happens.

It is an archaic belief that soon would be done with since African parents don't want to do the right thing.

The age gap between siblings these days are getting thinner. Your 6 year old daughter wont have to wait for that 8 year old firstborn for any kind of financial assistance since they're prolly going to finish school around the same time. Moreover, being the first to graduate these days doesn't even guarantee anything.

The mistake is dating her for eight years! I'm not a fan of wasting women's time and emotions under the guise of relationships. However, the truth is: what you have for Chioma is infatuation not love as love doesn't exist in the world's poverty capital. If you marry that girl, you will have a hard time setting up your life. You will have quarrels frequently (finance not infidelity is a major bone of contention in marriages) because if you help her family members more than yours, your family members will complain and vice-versa. Also, because you will become a low budget United Nations abi UNICEF, you will stall your career ambitions as the money won't be enough. You are about to do what my mom says "ten man load, one man carry". You're about to live a champagne lifestyle (suffering actually) on a beer income.

Every sensible man should avoid ladies with battalions masquerading as siblings. Once e pass three siblings, run! Don't look back! Don't be like Lot's wife. Let children from battalion siblings' homes marry themselves. In their next life, they will ensure their parents use condoms.

P.S. Don't ever think things will get better economically in the next ten years for Nigeria, as the country will deteriorate faster than it's currently doing. Imagine today's Afghanistan and Lebanon? That's the future of Nigeria.

@Op; YOU ARE ALREADY A MARRIED MAN AS THE BRIDE PRICE HAS BEEN PAID

That said, now let me turn the question around shall we;

If Chioma was the Medical Doctor and you were the one with only secondary school education and poor; would Chioma have married you? Or better still; Would Chiomas’ mother have allowed her daughter to marry you?

That’s said; you waited for 8 looooong years for you to realise that she is from a poor home right? The first year you met your GF you knew she comes from a humble (poor) family and not middle class or rich family but you carried on dating her. Year 2 same, year 3 same up until year 8 and then you married her. My question is why are you now complaining that she is from a poor home?

You are an educated man and you should have known that your wife and her family may shift the financial burden in catering for her siblings to you. I will find it hard to believe that you didn’t know that it may happen that way. Such is playing out now; hence, your complaint.

Why after the introduction was the burdening of paying the school fees for your wife's younger siblings put on you? From your post, it looks like you were not doing that before? That tells me that your wife and her mother have always known that once you do the introduction, they will shift the burden of paying for her sibling’s school fees on you. That is deceit if you ask me and totally wrong. I’m beginning to wonder what other surprises your wife and her mother have planned for you.

Have your wife’s siblings not been going to school in the 8 year period you have been with their sister? Who has been taking care of the financial side for their schooling? Or they all sat at home waiting that once their elder sister marries, then her husband will now bail them out by taking over paying their school fees?

The age bracket of her 6 siblings; what are they? Are there any who are already adults i.e from 18 years and above? If there are, are they doing anything to support themselves financially? Is your wife currently doing anything at the moment that brings money for her? Is she working or is she running a business? In this day and age, both couples should bring something to the table.

You really think that you can bear the burden of catering for the financial needs of 3 homes? i.e your home, your wife’s siblings and your own sibling’s financial needs? That is a heavy burden to carry and you really need to think about how your finances will be impacted. Marriage no be yam and beans o and finances can really create a big problem in a marriage.

You need to set some ground rules. The catering for your wife's sibling’s school fees should not be entirely put on you. Provide the little financial assistance that you can for their school fees and the financial assistance should not be compulsory.

Rather than this marriage bringing 2 families together in peace, it is showing a sign of trouble as your mother is already having an issue with your marriage at this early stage. Sort this out before this issue brings a problem between you and your wife.

TheeDetective:
@Op; YOU ARE ALREADY A MARRIED MAN AS THE BRIDE PRICE HAS BEEN PAID

That said, now let me turn the question around shall we;

If Chioma was the Medical Doctor and you were the one with only secondary school education and poor; would Chioma have married you? Or better still; Would Chiomas’ mother have allowed her daughter to marry you?

That’s said; you waited for 8 looooong years for you to realise that she is from a poor home right? The first year you met your GF you knew she comes from a humble (poor) family and not middle class or rich family but you carried on dating her. Year 2 same, year 3 same up until year 8 and then you married her. My question is why are you now complaining that she is from a poor home?

You are an educated man and you should have known that your wife and her family may shift the financial burden in catering for her siblings to you. I will find it hard to believe that you didn’t know that it may happen that way. Such is playing out now; hence, your complaint.

Why after the introduction was the burdening of paying the school fees for your wife's younger siblings put on you? From your post, it looks like you were not doing that before? That tells me that your wife and her mother have always known that once you do the introduction, they will shift the burden of paying for her sibling’s school fees on you. That is deceit if you ask me and totally wrong. I’m beginning to wonder what other surprises your wife and her mother have planned for you.

Have your wife’s siblings not been going to school in the 8 year period you have been with their sister? Who has been taking care of the financial side for their schooling? Or they all sat at home waiting that once their elder sister marries, then her husband will now bail them out by taking over paying their school fees?

The age bracket of her 6 siblings; what are they? Are there any who are already adults i.e from 18 years and above? If there are, are they doing anything to support themselves financially? Is your wife currently doing anything at the moment that brings money for her? Is she working or is she running a business? In this day and age, both couples should bring something to the table.

You really think that you can bear the burden of catering for the financial needs of 3 homes? i.e your home, your wife’s siblings and your own sibling’s financial needs? That is a heavy burden to carry and you really need to think about how your finances will be impacted. Marriage no be yam and beans o and finances can really create a big problem in a marriage.

You need to set some ground rules. The catering for your wife's sibling’s school fees should not be entirely put on you. Provide the little financial assistance that you can for their school fees and the financial assistance should not be compulsory.

Rather than this marriage bringing 2 families together in peace, it is showing a sign of trouble as your mother is already having an issue with your marriage at this early stage. Sort this out before this issue brings a problem between you and your wife.

Thanks. You just gave me the same advice my best friend gave me. She sells fruits

MMotimo:
Since you already committed to carrying your family and hers plus her education (I’m assuming she would want more?), please, please do not start birthing children until your financial situation improves significantly.

If there’s no improvement and you want to have kids, then make sure you are setting aside enough for your kids so that they don’t suffer as a result of your philanthropy and yes, that means you would need to maintain strict control over what you give family members. Sometimes, you just have to choose.

Thanks

Xman12345goat:
Good evening all, I am a medical doctor who just graduated about 5 years ago. I have completed my mandatory one year internship and NYSC program. I now work in a Federal medical Center in the East.

The reason why I created this topic is to seek advice on the risk of getting married into a very poor family. I love my girlfriend Chioma very well. I have been dating her for more than 8 years now and would like to settle down with her. I have met her family and paid her bride price.

The problem here is that she comes from a very poor family. Her dad is late and her mum is a petty trader. She is the first child and has six siblings. She is very beautiful, hardworking, God fearing but not educated. She only completed secondary school. Immediately after introduction, I kind of became the bread winner of her family and had to support in training her younger siblings in school not forgetting that am the first son/child of my own family and I have to cater for my own siblings too.

My mum is now bothered and wants me to call off the wedding and marry someone from a middle income family, at least some one with a degree certificate, am beginning to reason with her because of the nature of our economy, but I love chioma very much and I don't want to disappoint her.

Your STORY is a popular story out there.
IF I'm allowed to speak my MIND, you will leave that young Lady. Your Mother doesn't hate her but she wants the BEST for you. Your mother won't be here forever, but she wants to see u positioned for greatness.

That CHIOMA doesn't Love you genuinely.
She just angles for you because you are a MEDICAL DOCTOR. IF that same Chioma is exposed to opportunities of life she would leave you without thinking twice. In fact, if I toast her with Dollars, she will submit immediately.

That a WOMAN is with u right now is b'cos she hasn't found someone better than u. Therefore, she will have no option but to treasure you.
Your FAMILY spent so much training you.
Every MEDICAL DOCTOR be it the last born of any Family is a prospective Bread winner.
Now, you have a deep seated burden, rather than liberating yours entirely, you went out there to incure more, all in the name of what please!

Forget about the styles she gave you in Bed, for that's her work. Forget about the Lust.
Suffer dey road ooo. Don't expect God to start intervening immediately. Rather than be in that situation, pls. avoid it kpatakpata.
Many married people are still waiting for their financial prayers to be answered

Better WAKE UP.
Even our wealthy Presidents, Ministers, Govs & Senators don't make such mistakes.
Dey still matchmake dia kids within their circle.
Better LEAVE dat Girl, go straight to ur class & fall in Love there, else BURDEN will be too much.
Let's make that Chioma a MEDICAL DOCTOR & see if she will ever settle for a struggling man from her present family situation

This is the exact story of my ex parents. His dad's family refused the marriage as their doctor son can't marry an illiterate. His mum went into business and later politics, she is far richer than his dad. The worst part is they are from the same village so the dad can't avoid hearing about her. Life isn't always the way we see it, the future is pregnant.

It is not your duty to pay her siblings school fees, that shouldn't even be any of your business. Better stop it now that it is still early.

CareerMom:
This is the exact story of my ex parents. His dad's family refused the marriage as their doctor son can't marry an illiterate. His mum went into business and later politics, she is far richer than his dad. The worst part is they are from the same village so the dad can't avoid hearing about her. Life isn't always the way we see it, the future is pregnant.

It is not your duty to pay her siblings school fees, that shouldn't even be any of your business. Better stop it now that it is still early.

This is your example is not different from the warning we are giving too.
People have gone into FURNACE with the hope that situations will change tomorrow, but you know what, they eventually got disappointed.
There's no RULE to "who knows tomorrow". However, one can avoid PERMUTATIONS & Uncertainties by completely avoiding an already established burning Flame.
I have said my own!

Snitch24:

Trash

How is it trash please?

He should divorce her and go get married to someone else right?

dominique:
You and your parents were not aware of their financial situation all though the time you were dating? Did they not accompany you to pay her bride price? The deed has been done, you have already married her and you have no choice but to manage the situation. You know her people are low income people, they will always look up to you for financial support. You need to know where to draw the line so they won't milk you dry and run you in debt.

PS. Who made it a rule that it's the duty of the first born to train his/younger siblings? African parents needs to do away with this mentality of birthing children to carry financial responsibilities in future. It's totally unfair

Every responsible firstborn must look after his/her younger siblings

Though it could be in other way not necessarily monetary terms. They just have to be responsible.

yomi007k:
The question I have for you is will Chioma marry you if the tables were turned?


Don't let anyone guilt trip you. Love fades and reality sets in after a few years and by that time it will be too late because you will be bothering with middle age crises. Whatever choice you make will be your responsibility and not "village people"


The truth is bitter but it sets you free.

This is Africa man. It is expected for every man to be the bread winner of the family. Women are solely meant to look after the home and kids

Na civilisation make some women dey work small small to be supportive. Still that doesn't stop the man from being the bread winner of the family

Raalsalghul:



Madam, there are levels to this shit.

Poor Chioma + Mum---fine

Poor Chioma + Mum + a sibling---still fine

Poor Chioma + Mum + two siblings---maybe manageable (assuming the Op doesn't have any responsibilities from his side)

But Poor Chioma + Mum + 6 other siblings + Op's Mum + Op's siblings? Haba!

I would have expected you came up with something else than emotional guilt-tripping.

Most ladies that have commented so far have probably put themselves in Chioma's shoes and gone ahead to say "Marry her na."

In the same vein, they should put themselves in the position of the Op's mother or perhaps a sister that might need his financial assistance and see if they'll advise such.

It is only logical for the Op to reconsider his marriage plans with the said lady. I only blame him for tagging her along for good eight years: perhaps he lacked foresight.

Please what do you mean by the bolded?

Because he's educated, it's mandatory for him to marry an educated fellow?

Or because he's a medical doctor working in a FG parastatal and earning descent income, it's compulsory for him to look for something similar?

Don't forget this guy is not from a rich home. He's just from a little average family who got education as a medical doctor and a job with the FG

Do you know that as poor as chioma and her family was, if she had got the opportunity to get educated, this topic won't even come up at all

crackhaus:

The only issue I have here is you dating her for over 8years before figuring all of this out.

Please tell us, what's the real issue?


And yes, your mom does have a point... But still, why wait 8years?

And yes, they can still return the bride-price. People get divorced after many years of marriage, so yours should be less stressful... But still, why wait 8years?

He waited for 8 years because he chose her. Something beyond chioma is what is causing a rift for now

tensazangetsu20:
Guy notice how all the people supporting the marriage are all women. That's hypergamy speaking. Ask yourself this if you were uneducated and poor would any female doctor be willing to marry you.

Guy give yourself brain o. Doctors in Nigeria don't earn well and the responsibilities she will bring both from her and her family members will stall your dreams. I don't know if you are a resident planning to become a consultant or even writing foreign exams to japa but whichever route you take will require serious financial resources and concentration. Once you marry her now, prepare for her parents to ship at least two of her siblings to you. Don't say you don't care bla bla bla. This is Africa o. A cup of beans is 700 naira now. A cup of rice is 500. Food is expensive. Even on a salary of 500k as a doctor which you need to be senior resident to earn you will live hand to mouth. Better give yourself a working brain before you do what will you will regret for the rest of your life.

Women will always be women.

No woman who is highly placed will even think of settling down with a man beneath her status, love no dey reach that side. I think men should adopt similar ideology, marry a woman who has a lot going on for herself if you do too.

This is why I always advise parents not to give birth to more than four children. Even that four sef Na Overkill.

In this life, there is joy in contentment.
Op, your shortcoming is realising this after 8 years of kinky fuckery. I will advise you marry her and migrate, when your fortune change, you can always come back to make amend
Money sometimes is a soothsayer.

MALIGNANTGuest:

Your STORY is a popular story out there.
IF I'm allowed to speak my MIND, you will leave that young Lady. Your Mother doesn't hate her but she wants the BEST for you. Your mother won't be here forever, but she wants to see u positioned for greatness.

That CHIOMA doesn't Love you genuinely.
She just angles for you because you are a MEDICAL DOCTOR. IF that same Chioma is exposed to opportunities of life she would leave you without thinking twice. In fact, if I toast her with Dollars, she will submit immediately.

That a WOMAN is with u right now is b'cos she hasn't found someone better than u. Therefore, she will have no option but to treasure you.
Your FAMILY spent so much training you.
Every MEDICAL DOCTOR be it the last born of any Family is a prospective Bread winner.
Now, you have a deep seated burden, rather than liberating yours entirely, you went out there to incure more, all in the name of what please!

Forget about the styles she gave you in Bed, for that's her work. Forget about the Lust.
Suffer dey road ooo. Don't expect God to start intervening immediately. Rather than be in that situation, pls. avoid it kpatakpata.
Many married people are still waiting for their financial prayers to be answered

Better WAKE UP.
Even our wealthy Presidents, Ministers, Govs & Senators don't make such mistakes.
Dey still matchmake dia kids within their circle.
Better LEAVE dat Girl, go straight to ur class & fall in Love there, else BURDEN will be too much.
Let's make that Chioma a MEDICAL DOCTOR & see if she will ever settle for a struggling man from her present family situation

Am Very grateful, thanks