Ndidi2:
who u bee sef?
Very intelligent..

Sharrap, she is way intelligent than you. She give you advice and you de insult her, who is more intelligent?
Difinitely, beauty can easily fades with nature or other eventful occurence.
What if these thing happen by mistake, will you be ok with it?
Another cheating man have been found.

1. Get this straight, you can't get it all in your choice of partner. If you got 70%,that's a whole lot. I for one wanted someone fair, and swore I will never marry from his state etc. I didn't get it all however, I saw the qualities that will make him an excellent partner and friend forever; I saw sincerity, I saw a great communicator, I saw a spiritual person, I saw hard-working and reliable person. I didn't want to let that go because he didn't meet the complexion I wanted or other things that didn't count.

2. Does Beauty matter in marriage, trust me that's the last thing you look at. Yes, you get to appreciate their looks every now and then but when the looks has Zero character, you will be in for a long ride.

The long and short is- it's up to you.

For the kids part please give yourself a breather. Remember there are couples that are both fair or one is and they give birth to one or two dark Kids. It just runs in some family. Just pray to have a healthy kid(s).

Go back to your drawing board and write what you truly need in a wife. That will make a marriage last. We have so many broken marriages and they break sometimes when you have so much expectations/day-dreaming of what you want your marriage to be.

But if the beauty thing is so important to you please leave that lady alone so she will go look for someone who deserves her.

MaXiK:
Good day Nairalanders!!

Please I need your advice. My current girlfriend has all the good characters that perfectly defines a wife material plus she's a scholar and also a virgin (not particularly concerned about this anyway but to evince how disciplined she is) but sometimes she will look attractive to me and other times she will appear unattractive and I won't feel attracted to her at all. To clarify things, this changes has nothing to do with her dress sense neither my beholding senses but real changes in her facial appearance and allurement.

To be frank and sincere, she is just greatly above average in attractiveness but she's not stable in her look, she falls far below average occasionally. Also we're both dark in complexion and I will prefer my children to be lighter than I am, if not fair.

I have been trying to look beyond her look by focusing on other quality attributes she possess but the issue about her irregular look keep on fluctuating my feelings for her.

The crux of it is that I'm in my early thirties I need serious relationship; someone to build future with and finally get married to but here I am with someone that meet up with more than seventy percent of my requirements in my ideal wife but with unstable look that is threatening my feelings for her.

I am concerned about this because of some issues we consider trivial are still crashing marriages these days....

My questions:

How important is look in marriage?
Is it me that is making issue out of trivial matters because this lady is receiving a lot of relationship advances from people far better than I am and she's turning them down to maintain her commitment to our relationship?
Is there any possibility of stability in her look in the future considering that she's still in school?

Your genuine, mature and constructive advice is highly needed.

I will appreciate ones from those who have experienced what I'm currently going through.

Pierocash:
You never loved her person. You are been driven by lust for beauty that is why her looks is what determines your feelings for her.


You are emotionally unstable,and I am afraid for her,you will be a very big problem for her after marriage.

Op why did you ignore this person
This is just the sad truth here sir

If she get belle she go worwor oh and you fit maltreat her
Better leave her life now
Because as I de look you like this you be problem to that babe

I need advice, I need advice shay una no dey advice unaself?

Pes13:
When it comes to choosing who to marry, you must learn to be contented and celebrate your partners physical look in as much you have decided to settle with her.

Even after marriage, regardless of how beautiful she is, you will meet myriads of people far beautiful than her, you will see the ugly part of your partner.

Mind you, we don't always look beautiful. There are times we are caught unfresh.

I think you need to work on your contentment first, then you can decide if you can settle for her.

Even if you marry in quote ' The most beautiful lady in the world' she may loose her beautiful during pregnancy, she can suddenly break out after child birth and become plus size, she might develop big stomach, and loose that beauty, what will you do then?


One major ingredient for sustainable marriage is first contentment to the person you choose.

NOBODY has it all.

If after this, you ARE still not proud of her look, let her go, it means somebody else deserve her instead of you. It does not make you a bad person at all, it only mean she deserve better..

Best comment thus far.

MaXiK:
Good day Nairalanders!!

Please I need your advice. My current girlfriend has all the good characters that perfectly defines a wife material plus she's a scholar and also a virgin (not particularly concerned about this anyway but to evince how disciplined she is) but sometimes she will look attractive to me and other times she will appear unattractive and I won't feel attracted to her at all. To clarify things, this changes has nothing to do with her dress sense neither my beholding senses but real changes in her facial appearance and allurement.

To be frank and sincere, she is just greatly above average in attractiveness but she's not stable in her look, she falls far below average occasionally. Also we're both dark in complexion and I will prefer my children to be lighter than I am, if not fair.

I have been trying to look beyond her look by focusing on other quality attributes she possess but the issue about her irregular look keep on fluctuating my feelings for her.

The crux of it is that I'm in my early thirties I need serious relationship; someone to build future with and finally get married to but here I am with someone that meet up with more than seventy percent of my requirements in my ideal wife but with unstable look that is threatening my feelings for her.

I am concerned about this because of some issues we consider trivial are still crashing marriages these days....

My questions:

How important is look in marriage?
Is it me that is making issue out of trivial matters because this lady is receiving a lot of relationship advances from people far better than I am and she's turning them down to maintain her commitment to our relationship?
Is there any possibility of stability in her look in the future considering that she's still in school?

Your genuine, mature and constructive advice is highly needed.

I will appreciate ones from those who have experienced what I'm currently going through.

Shey u want woman wey no go let you get peace of mind because of her attractiveness..
It yr choice

Hey young man
ALL WOMEN do change when it comes to beauty,even myself that I am typing,sometimes I will be standing in front of the mirror and I will continue smiling at what I am seeing,looking very beautiful and charming,no matter how in hurry you are,if you see me trekking down the road,you will have to look back to appreciate the work of God,but in other times I will look really ugly that I won’t even want to go out ,this particular time is whenever I am about to start my monthly period (let’s say two days to my period) or during my period,this is when I will have rough face and just two pimples.You have to take your time to study this in her .
Then this look of a thing also determines one’s mood,no matter how angry or sad she is ,the beauty will change.

Oga Op,the sad truth is that at thirty,you don’t even know what you want in a woman,why must you go for a dark skin girl when your heart wants yellow pawpaw? No matter how beautiful she looks,you can’t appreciate her cause she is not your spec,so just free her and continue with your searching.

MaXiK:
Good day Nairalanders!!

Please I need your advice. My current girlfriend has all the good characters that perfectly defines a wife material plus she's a scholar and also a virgin (not particularly concerned about this anyway but to evince how disciplined she is) but sometimes she will look attractive to me and other times she will appear unattractive and I won't feel attracted to her at all. To clarify things, this changes has nothing to do with her dress sense neither my beholding senses but real changes in her facial appearance and allurement.

To be frank and sincere, she is just greatly above average in attractiveness but she's not stable in her look, she falls far below average occasionally. Also we're both dark in complexion and I will prefer my children to be lighter than I am, if not fair.

I have been trying to look beyond her look by focusing on other quality attributes she possess but the issue about her irregular look keep on fluctuating my feelings for her.

The crux of it is that I'm in my early thirties I need serious relationship; someone to build future with and finally get married to but here I am with someone that meet up with more than seventy percent of my requirements in my ideal wife but with unstable look that is threatening my feelings for her.

I am concerned about this because of some issues we consider trivial are still crashing marriages these days....

My questions:

How important is look in marriage?
Is it me that is making issue out of trivial matters because this lady is receiving a lot of relationship advances from people far better than I am and she's turning them down to maintain her commitment to our relationship?
Is there any possibility of stability in her look in the future considering that she's still in school?

Your genuine, mature and constructive advice is highly needed.

I will appreciate ones from those who have experienced what I'm currently going through.

Looks are important in marriage but I think you are neglecting the fact that people change and will change over time especially women. The way a woman looks in her 20s is not the way she's going to look in her 30s and beyond. She's also gonna change when she gets pregnant and after she gives birth. If the only look you consider to be paramount is the one that drives your sexual attraction then you better don't get married at all because you'll be seriously disappointed. Unless of course you never plan to have kids by birth or you also plan to sustain her looks by plastic surgery.

I think you need to establish more concrete reasons why you love this lady and school your mind to relegate looks to a secondary characteristic because one thing is for sure you will encounter women more attractive to you in looks than she subsequently as time goes on so will you now jump ship just because of that, what was the point of marrying if you are going to do that? Make it clear in your mind you want her for things that are not as variable as how she looks, if you can't then move on don't struggle with it but just know that if you don't deal with this now it's gonna be a problem down the road even if you get another lady.

MaXiK:
Good day Nairalanders!!

Please I need your advice. My current girlfriend has all the good characters that perfectly defines a wife material plus she's a scholar and also a virgin (not particularly concerned about this anyway but to evince how disciplined she is) but sometimes she will look attractive to me and other times she will appear unattractive and I won't feel attracted to her at all. To clarify things, this changes has nothing to do with her dress sense neither my beholding senses but real changes in her facial appearance and allurement.

To be frank and sincere, she is just greatly above average in attractiveness but she's not stable in her look, she falls far below average occasionally. Also we're both dark in complexion and I will prefer my children to be lighter than I am, if not fair.

I have been trying to look beyond her look by focusing on other quality attributes she possess but the issue about her irregular look keep on fluctuating my feelings for her.

The crux of it is that I'm in my early thirties I need serious relationship; someone to build future with and finally get married to but here I am with someone that meet up with more than seventy percent of my requirements in my ideal wife but with unstable look that is threatening my feelings for her.

I am concerned about this because of some issues we consider trivial are still crashing marriages these days....

My questions:

How important is look in marriage?
Is it me that is making issue out of trivial matters because this lady is receiving a lot of relationship advances from people far better than I am and she's turning them down to maintain her commitment to our relationship?
Is there any possibility of stability in her look in the future considering that she's still in school?

Your genuine, mature and constructive advice is highly needed.

I will appreciate ones from those who have experienced what I'm currently going through.

Brother I seriously understand your concern and I will be brutally honest with you,those concerns are "concernworthy"
Nevertheless, the truth is that you can't have it all, irrespective of what changes her 'looks' . I got married 7 years ago,but I have been in relationship with my wife since 2007, normally I would like to be with a tall and dark skinned lady,but I ended up marrying a lady that is close to bn called short and very light skinned.I can assure you that she's always a soccur even when the going gets though.I am happy my children are happy as well,we all do.

There are so many things you need to consider other than looks, marry a wife, a friend and a mother.I can assure you that all those physical features would eventually change with time but all others might not change considering you're helped by God and your homework is done diligently.

If you've scored her %70 like someone rightly commented,you've probably hit a goldmine.Your children does not need Agbani Darego,they need a mummy,and you need a nest after the days job has ended.

Once again,you can't have it all,it is left to you to choose other attributes you're willing to give up to have a lady with a "permanent beautiful face" if there will be any.

MaXiK:


Thank you for this very candid advice, may God bless you. I had the intention of marrying a light skinned lady but you know sometimes life can be funny, there'll come a time that we will have even our deepest and most cherished goals and plans adjusted because we humans only make our plans but God....

I'm about to adjust to that new reality now and that's why I'm seeking advice from intelligent and experienced nairalanders if it's something I can truly outgrow. I also want to know how important look is in a marriage and what really matter in a marriage if beauty will not really count in the marriage in long run.

Once again thank you

You won't outgrow it .

Let me leave you with this popular quote

Accept the things you cannot change and change the things you cannot accept and God will give you the grace to know the difference.

MaXiK:


Funny you.
She doesn't wear make up only her natural beauty with her natural long hair.

If the only problem is the look, you’ll get over it. Though I’m not married, the only girl that I love with all my heart is someone I was not attracted to at first, she’s just average. But with her sweetness, her character, and smartness… I learned to love her the best. I was so proud of her back then. I didn’t end up with her because when she was ready for marriage, I was still trying to figure out my life… she couldn’t wait.

I am a woman and I dont always look beautiful to even myself. Just make up your mind and stick to it. But would you rather throw away other qualities she has just for 1 thing which las las does not count? I have a close relative who is obsessed with fair skin women and guess what? He will be 53 this month and still single.

Leave that girl alone. You are in love with the idea of her but you are not attracted to her. This whole fluctuating beauty story is just you trying to say that she is not your type physically. Please don't marry her if your only reasons are that of the convenience of availability and she seems "ideal" on paper. Physical attraction is a big deal for men and women should be careful with men who deny this. In the near future you will meet a light skinned woman who is more beautiful and has all these qualities that she has too and you will find it difficult to be disciplined around those women. In fact, she may start irritating you when you can establish that you settled and in retrospect you could have gotten someone better.
Please leave her to another man who will appreciate her "fluctuating" beauty.

MaXiK:
Good day Nairalanders!!

Please I need your advice. My current girlfriend has all the good characters that perfectly defines a wife material plus she's a scholar and also a virgin (not particularly concerned about this anyway but to evince how disciplined she is) but sometimes she will look attractive to me and other times she will appear unattractive and I won't feel attracted to her at all. To clarify things, this changes has nothing to do with her dress sense neither my beholding senses but real changes in her facial appearance and allurement.

To be frank and sincere, she is just greatly above average in attractiveness but she's not stable in her look, she falls far below average occasionally. Also we're both dark in complexion and I will prefer my children to be lighter than I am, if not fair.

I have been trying to look beyond her look by focusing on other quality attributes she possess but the issue about her irregular look keep on fluctuating my feelings for her.

The crux of it is that I'm in my early thirties I need serious relationship; someone to build future with and finally get married to but here I am with someone that meet up with more than seventy percent of my requirements in my ideal wife but with unstable look that is threatening my feelings for her.

I am concerned about this because of some issues we consider trivial are still crashing marriages these days....

My questions:

How important is look in marriage?
Is it me that is making issue out of trivial matters because this lady is receiving a lot of relationship advances from people far better than I am and she's turning them down to maintain her commitment to our relationship?
Is there any possibility of stability in her look in the future considering that she's still in school?

Your genuine, mature and constructive advice is highly needed.

I will appreciate ones from those who have experienced what I'm currently going through.

you are not ready for marriage. You see person u still de concerned about looks? Na your type de marry olosho

Nah ogbanje you wan marry so o... Make you run for you life o.

In Yoruba land, we refer to people like her as "Emere". Others call them "Ogbanje"
I don't really believe the stuff i wrote above but it's a character trait that some people look out for in analyzing if a lady is possessed or not.

MaXiK:
Good day Nairalanders!!

Please I need your advice. My current girlfriend has all the good characters that perfectly defines a wife material plus she's a scholar and also a virgin (not particularly concerned about this anyway but to evince how disciplined she is) but sometimes she will look attractive to me and other times she will appear unattractive and I won't feel attracted to her at all. To clarify things, this changes has nothing to do with her dress sense neither my beholding senses but real changes in her facial appearance and allurement.

To be frank and sincere, she is just greatly above average in attractiveness but she's not stable in her look, she falls far below average occasionally. Also we're both dark in complexion and I will prefer my children to be lighter than I am, if not fair.

I have been trying to look beyond her look by focusing on other quality attributes she possess but the issue about her irregular look keep on fluctuating my feelings for her.

The crux of it is that I'm in my early thirties I need serious relationship; someone to build future with and finally get married to but here I am with someone that meet up with more than seventy percent of my requirements in my ideal wife but with unstable look that is threatening my feelings for her.

I am concerned about this because of some issues we consider trivial are still crashing marriages these days....

My questions:

How important is look in marriage?
Is it me that is making issue out of trivial matters because this lady is receiving a lot of relationship advances from people far better than I am and she's turning them down to maintain her commitment to our relationship?
Is there any possibility of stability in her look in the future considering that she's still in school?

Your genuine, mature and constructive advice is highly needed.

I will appreciate ones from those who have experienced what I'm currently going through.

Beauty will fade away at old age.
Relationship is about two individuals with different perception, belief, up bringing, ideology e.t.c
Relationship is like a flower, I water you, you water me and we grow together.

If you truly in love, her look shouldn't bother you an inch nor would that be a reason to walk away.You can redefine her fashion sense but ensure it is in a respectful and diplomatic way.

As for the off spring, what has complexion of a child or children has to do with the reality of life? Wake up from your slumber, learn from the reality of life. Lastly, understand the body is a vehicle required for existence in this dimension and does not define a person.

MaXiK:
Good day Nairalanders!!

Please I need your advice. My current girlfriend has all the good characters that perfectly defines a wife material plus she's a scholar and also a virgin (not particularly concerned about this anyway but to evince how disciplined she is) but sometimes she will look attractive to me and other times she will appear unattractive and I won't feel attracted to her at all. To clarify things, this changes has nothing to do with her dress sense neither my beholding senses but real changes in her facial appearance and allurement.

To be frank and sincere, she is just greatly above average in attractiveness but she's not stable in her look, she falls far below average occasionally. Also we're both dark in complexion and I will prefer my children to be lighter than I am, if not fair.

I have been trying to look beyond her look by focusing on other quality attributes she possess but the issue about her irregular look keep on fluctuating my feelings for her.

The crux of it is that I'm in my early thirties I need serious relationship; someone to build future with and finally get married to but here I am with someone that meet up with more than seventy percent of my requirements in my ideal wife but with unstable look that is threatening my feelings for her.

I am concerned about this because of some issues we consider trivial are still crashing marriages these days....

My questions:

How important is look in marriage?
Is it me that is making issue out of trivial matters because this lady is receiving a lot of relationship advances from people far better than I am and she's turning them down to maintain her commitment to our relationship?
Is there any possibility of stability in her look in the future considering that she's still in school?

Your genuine, mature and constructive advice is highly needed.

I will appreciate ones from those who have experienced what I'm currently going through.

you guys shouldn't be together, you don't love her, save your self the stress and cancel the relationship

MaXiK:
Good day Nairalanders!!

Also we're both dark in complexion and I will prefer my children to be lighter than I am, if not fair.

Why does the black man have such low esteem? Why is there an inferiority complex festering in the majority of black men? Where did the curse start?

Just let her marry one of her suitors while you get a fair lady. Very simple, if not, you'll resent her over time, esp as there are bound to be other problems after marriage. But if you marry your choice, you'll be able to overlook many things.
It may sound trivial but the heart wants what it wants. If you marry her, you're going to have issues, trust me. Better to have a broken relationship that a broken marriage.

HRHQueenPhil:


They are lying to u, giving u theoretical advice..that's why men cheat..at least one reason...if u are already feeling like this..don't go further, d woman u are attracted to makes it dlck stands just thinking of her not excuses wen it's time to make love
Think well and pray well abt it

God bless you for being real and honest.

NaBanga:


Why does the black man have such low esteem? Why is there an inferiority complex festering in the majority of black men? Where did the curse start?

I don't think so, we all have choices in life. He wants kids that are lighter than him, that's not bad. The only problem was for him to start a relationship with a dark person in the first place. So op is a confused person.
He should just let the girl go jeje.

She is a virgin?? til date how did you know? Mary her for love not pity and sentiment , from the look of things you are not contented, so it wil be easier for u to fall for a ight skin since thats what you want... please give me her contact

You'll never be satisfied until you go with the light skinned woman. So, let her go.

ADAMUdaCOWBOY:

So truly there are men that are stuck on that fair skin thing. Shame on you! I do not understand why a man should be hinging on fair skin, fair skin. If you can't appreciate that beautiful woman, please don't waste her time. Leave her and look for someone else. You will soon meet your match and you will still come to this same nairaland to tell the story of how she is dealing with you . Nansense!

Please don't shame him. This is why many people pretend and marry what they don't like. You have not even seen her and you are calling her beautiful. I am not in support of people being forced into relationships.

aminusodiq:
[s]no.... You are wrong... My babe had exactly thesame issue. She used to be beautiful and she suddenly drifted apart. Sometimes she maintains beauty and othertimes shes just there... Its not because i didn't love her... As i complained severally, i realized hers is more of dress sense, weather, or just free will!
I stoped complaining and i had the believe that shes still beautiful. I always gave her attitudes whenever i meet her and she looks so casual. She started adjusting and right now she is lady i once fell in love with.
I think they tend to care less about there looks when they think they are settled... Thats what happend in my case[/s]

That your situationship is doomed...mark my words. Better set her free to meet someone better.

TuFab:


I don't think so, we all have choices in life. He wants kids that are lighter than him, that's not bad. The only problem was for him to start a relationship with a dark person in the first place. So op is a confused person.
He should just let the girl go jeje.

It is bad. What is the purpose of wanting lighter kids? It is because many blacks see being light skin as being closer to whites. It buttresses their belief that whites are better than blacks. The reason is that whites have used their biracial children to manage blacks all across the globe. It is permeated into every place where there was colonization and slavery. The biracial children of white slave owners and masters Lorded over darker skinned pure Africans. This caused many black people to see lighter "blacks" as superior because of the positions they held in society. It's truly sad and black people need to wake up from their mental and physical laziness.

I wanted to ignore or abuse you because I don't know if you have sense sef but later sha I decided to help you with these:

Dark skin ages much better. My Mom looks 10 years younger than her age. Her lighter skin friends are now so jealous and they always tell her. You will be very proud in 20 years when people mistake her for your daughter. Your kids too will be blessed with same

If her skin doesn't glow, encourage her to exfoliate and eat fruits daily. You'll be blown away. She's probably too young to know how to make the best of her skin now but once she gets into a good skin care routine, you'll marvel daily at her beauty

I'm slightly fair and I'm jealous of some of my dark skin friends who take really good care of their skin. See Melanin popping! Exfoliation is key in dark skin to avoid an ashy look

When she's pregnant you'll love her glow and she won't likely get bad stretch marks

MaXiK:
Good day Nairalanders!!

Please I need your advice. My current girlfriend has all the good characters that perfectly defines a wife material plus she's a scholar and also a virgin (not particularly concerned about this anyway but to evince how disciplined she is) but sometimes she will look attractive to me and other times she will appear unattractive and I won't feel attracted to her at all. To clarify things, this changes has nothing to do with her dress sense neither my beholding senses but real changes in her facial appearance and allurement.

To be frank and sincere, she is just greatly above average in attractiveness but she's not stable in her look, she falls far below average occasionally. Also we're both dark in complexion and I will prefer my children to be lighter than I am, if not fair.

I have been trying to look beyond her look by focusing on other quality attributes she possess but the issue about her irregular look keep on fluctuating my feelings for her.

The crux of it is that I'm in my early thirties I need serious relationship; someone to build future with and finally get married to but here I am with someone that meet up with more than seventy percent of my requirements in my ideal wife but with unstable look that is threatening my feelings for her.

I am concerned about this because of some issues we consider trivial are still crashing marriages these days....

My questions:

How important is look in marriage?
Is it me that is making issue out of trivial matters because this lady is receiving a lot of relationship advances from people far better than I am and she's turning them down to maintain her commitment to our relationship?
Is there any possibility of stability in her look in the future considering that she's still in school?

Your genuine, mature and constructive advice is highly needed.

I will appreciate ones from those who have experienced what I'm currently going through.

U are not her future husband. Free this gal so she can meet better people pls. If feeling are fluctuating now they will completely disappear when/if u guys are married and all manner of pressures come in.

She doesn’t seem to meet 2 or more major criteria hence ur complaints and moodiness. It will only get worse.

MaXiK:


Thank you for this very candid advice, may God bless you. I had the intention of marrying a light skinned lady but you know sometimes life can be funny, there'll come a time that we will have even our deepest and most cherished goals and plans adjusted because we humans only make our plans but God....

I'm about to adjust to that new reality now and that's why I'm seeking advice from intelligent and experienced nairalanders if it's something I can truly outgrow. I also want to know how important look is in a marriage and what really matter in a marriage if beauty will not really count in the marriage in long run.

Once again thank you

Oga, you better don't adjust to anything... You want make she go bleach?

Since you already said you want your children to be fair and you both are dark, "jejeli" leave her alone na... Go and look for a fair lady that'll give you fair children, cos you're definitely still nursing the complexion issue

SenecaTheYonger:


Does she become beautiful when you're Hot and then ugly after you cum? You should have explained how her looks changes. Does her face appear puffy at times and then other times, it's toned? Does her nose grow big and sometimes reduce? Is it her skin? Does it become fresh and sometimes rough? You literally need to sit down and define what you mean by her face changing.

fresh and blood did not reveal this to you