Hyerin:


You don't even love this lady yet you're jealous. You sound possessive and that's not healthy for you nor her. Anyways, that's literally your business. The solution is right before you but you're too egocentric to think outside your feelings. There's nothing more to it.

Thanks for ur advice.. Just dat I have pride because all d gals I have dated are beautiful but none have good morals like her. Secondly she doesn't stressed me financially and she still can't let me go. Am in dellimma between beauty and virtuous woman.. I am having plans to settle down after my service and in my late 20s.

Set her free please and didn't waste her time from all that you have being saying I think even if you convince yourself now that it's okay in the future you will wake up one day and realize that you are in the arms of a wrong person or even worse meet someone that is complete specimen of that you are looking for Wich can result in you cheating or breaking the relationship. Yes I understand she is a good person with good attributes but can you wake up to her every day for the rest of your life with her with out being miserable.

You never reach to marry

MaXiK:
Good day Nairalanders!!

Please I need your advice. My current girlfriend has all the good characters that perfectly defines a wife material plus she's a scholar and also a virgin (not particularly concerned about this anyway but to evince how disciplined she is) but sometimes she will look attractive to me and other times she will appear unattractive and I won't feel attracted to her at all. To clarify things, this changes has nothing to do with her dress sense neither my beholding senses but real changes in her facial appearance and allurement.

To be frank and sincere, she is just greatly above average in attractiveness but she's not stable in her look, she falls far below average occasionally. Also we're both dark in complexion and I will prefer my children to be lighter than I am, if not fair.

I have been trying to look beyond her look by focusing on other quality attributes she possess but the issue about her irregular look keep on fluctuating my feelings for her.

The crux of it is that I'm in my early thirties I need serious relationship; someone to build future with and finally get married to but here I am with someone that meet up with more than seventy percent of my requirements in my ideal wife but with unstable look that is threatening my feelings for her.

I am concerned about this because of some issues we consider trivial are still crashing marriages these days....

My questions:

How important is look in marriage?
Is it me that is making issue out of trivial matters because this lady is receiving a lot of relationship advances from people far better than I am and she's turning them down to maintain her commitment to our relationship?
Is there any possibility of stability in her look in the future considering that she's still in school?

Your genuine, mature and constructive advice is highly needed.

I will appreciate ones from those who have experienced what I'm currently going through.

You should first of all figure out the type of ladies you're into based on physical appearance and you shouldn't feel bad or think it's vane that you're taking that into consideration.
Secondly, since she's still in school her change in appearance might be due to that because school stress sometimes robs people of the necessary time to take care of themselves enough to look their best, especially if she's schooling where the weather is harsh.
Lastly if worse comes to worse and you feel her looks is a deal breaker which you can't compromise on, then it's better if you let her go so you both can be happy and move on. It would be nice if you don't hurt her self esteem by telling her about this though.
I usually don't comment on these type of issues.

Godbless3:


Sharrap, she is way intelligent than you. She give you advice and you de insult her, who is more intelligent?
Difinitely, beauty can easily fades with nature or other eventful occurence.
What if these thing happen by mistake, will you be ok with it?
Another cheating man have been found.

III oh my
I wasn't insulting haba!
I was marvelled on how constructively he/ she made his or points..

Pls modify ur post
God forbid it l Wii insult someone on dis facelee forum.

MaXiK:
Good day Nairalanders!!

Please I need your advice. My current girlfriend has all the good characters that perfectly defines a wife material plus she's a scholar and also a virgin (not particularly concerned about this anyway but to evince how disciplined she is) but sometimes she will look attractive to me and other times she will appear unattractive and I won't feel attracted to her at all. To clarify things, this changes has nothing to do with her dress sense neither my beholding senses but real changes in her facial appearance and allurement.

To be frank and sincere, she is just greatly above average in attractiveness but she's not stable in her look, she falls far below average occasionally. Also we're both dark in complexion and I will prefer my children to be lighter than I am, if not fair.

I have been trying to look beyond her look by focusing on other quality attributes she possess but the issue about her irregular look keep on fluctuating my feelings for her.

The crux of it is that I'm in my early thirties I need serious relationship; someone to build future with and finally get married to but here I am with someone that meet up with more than seventy percent of my requirements in my ideal wife but with unstable look that is threatening my feelings for her.

I am concerned about this because of some issues we consider trivial are still crashing marriages these days....

My questions:

How important is look in marriage?
Is it me that is making issue out of trivial matters because this lady is receiving a lot of relationship advances from people far better than I am and she's turning them down to maintain her commitment to our relationship?
Is there any possibility of stability in her look in the future considering that she's still in school?

Your genuine, mature and constructive advice is highly needed.

I will appreciate ones from those who have experienced what I'm currently going through.

Looks is not too important in marriage. Infact, if your wife is former miss Nigeria, once you marry her, you wouldnt see that again as any big deal.
The things that are most important to men in marriage are:
A woman who
1. Presents and atmosphere of PEACE and RELAXATION around the home
2. Honours and Values your IDEA, WORK, PERSONALITY and PRESENCE
3. Serves everything (FOOD, SEX, SPEECH, etc) as serving Her King
4. Will not take advantage of your WEAKNESSES and VULNERABILITIES


What make women look different?
Their Hairstyle and Makeup!
Be the one to select her Wardrobe and Hair styles

Just get money.Your kids will be fine.

Magnoliaa:
This one that everybody on this thread is just hitching up with virgins ear and dear, watin dey occurate?

.
.
But if that girl is truly as intelligent as you portrayed, op, I hope she dumps your silly ass! Nonsense. Forming sensible grammarian but no form of depth. Mtcheew.

The new trend is virgins.

The same men who constantly slut shame women, call them whores and bitches are all suddenly about to marry virgins.

Wonderment! Is it that virgins aren't scarce any more?

These people are comedians.

olabrinks:
Light skin beauty.. light skin children. Is it not stretch marks, saggy breast and green veins that will take over once she gives birth to to 2-3 kids after 40? 80% of light skin women bleach and they give birth to dark children. You will see them bleaching their innocent kids to cover their tracks. Forget packaging, beauty fades. Al these insta babes, if you see them naked and raw.. there’s nothing but flaws everywhere. Even girls as young as 25, stretch marks and discolouration everywhere. If you want your babe to package better, that’s a different story. But if you’re looking for a raw near perfect beauty, you have a long road to enter.

"80% of light skin women" do not bleach.

People are born with light skin. Everything isn't bleaching.

You people are always at extremes once you hear about light skinned ladies. What crime did they commit to be born that way?

Some are jealous and look down on light skinned women, others are just after them as if they are the only women that matter.

scanner1000:


Am also in same shoes as well, my gf is not beautiful but am just trying to move on with her because of her moral upbrings. She is a virgin too and she promised till we get married before she will give it to me, aside from that she is caring and having wife material qualities. Both of us are Corpers (nysc).
Sometimes am feeling ashamed when I addressed her as my gf base on her look. She is not my kind of gal I want in terms of beauty but her moral attributes is closed to perfection, which makes me still keep d relationship..
I also need mature advice

Physical and sexual attraction is also important.no go dey look outside after marriage o

BRATISLAVA:


The new trend is virgins.

The same men who constantly slut shame women, call them whores and bitches are all suddenly about to marry virgins.

Wonderment! Is it that virgins aren't scarce any more?

These people are comedians.

I don't know about others but I am always surrounded by virgins anywhere I find myself. It even makes me wonder if the scarcity of virgins is being overblown on the internet. At my current workplace, my seat colleague is a virgin and very light skin (The Igbo type) but she's kinda local and has constant mood swings.

The first day I contacted my current lady here on Nairaland, I immediately knew she was a virgin and she recently confirmed it, but I knew all this while. I also had a very short interaction with 2 virgin ladies here on Nairaland but unfortunately, we couldn't proceed further.

They might be scarce to other persons but not to me, perhaps it's due to my type of personality.

Since you are not okay with her look, is better you free her so she can move on with her life, even the beautiful ones do have marriage crisis, you better build your home on God and forget appearance.

Gudbadguy:

Physical and sexual attraction is also important.no go dey look outside after marriage o

So Wat ur advice for me. Should I end d relationship? Please b sincere. I won't get angry or emotional. Am just confused right now

CsRockefeller:


I don't know about others but I am always surrounded by virgins anywhere I find myself. It even makes me wonder if the scarcity of virgins is being overblown on the internet. At my current workplace, my seat colleague is a virgin and very light skin (The Igbo type) but she's kinda local and has constant mood swings.

The first day I contacted my current lady here on Nairaland, I immediately knew she was a virgin and she recently confirmed it, but I knew all this while. I also had a very short interaction with 2 virgin ladies here on Nairaland but unfortunately, we couldn't proceed further.

They might be scarce to other persons but not to me, perhaps it's due to my type of personality.

It's one of the reasons you're hanging onto someone you know you will cheat on: virginity. But this your discernment that you immediately knew she was a virgin, and she confirmed it, how much older are you than she is?

I don't believe virgins are scarce, rather karma is returning to men who lost their virginity and deal recklessly with ladies.

seunmsg:
In Yoruba land, we refer to people like her as "Emere". Others call them "Ogbanje"
I don't really believe the stuff i wrote above but it's a character trait that some people look out for in analyzing if a lady is possessed or not.

Completely out of line with discussion. Utter nonsense!

BRATISLAVA:


It's one of the reasons you're hanging onto someone you know you will cheat on: virginity. But this your discernment that you immediately knew she was a virgin, and she confirmed it, how much older are you than she is?

I don't believe virgins are scarce, rather karma is returning to men who lost their virginity and deal recklessly with ladies.

She was 23 when we met, she's 24 now, and I'm approaching 29.

BRATISLAVA:


"80% of light skin women" do not bleach.

People are born with light skin. Everything isn't bleaching.

You people are always at extremes once you hear about light skinned ladies. What crime did they commit to be born that way?

Some are jealous and look down on light skinned women, others are just after them as if they are the only women that matter.

Naturally light skin women still bleach their skin to be lighter, so yes 80% of fair women bleach in Nigeria. This is facts and everybody knows this. And when you take off the makeup, the wigs, the waist trainers and clothes..look at them in raw lighting.. it’s not a pretty sight. All these bleaching products destroy the skin and by 35-45 they look aged and haggard. As you spend most of your day on NL quoting people, think twice before you quote me. Thanks.

OvaSabi1:


Please don't shame him. This is why many people pretend and marry what they don't like. You have not even seen her and you are calling her beautiful. I am not in support of people being forced into relationships.

My sister, please go through his post again and see. He said she meets over 70 percent of his expectations of a marriage material. His only problem is that she is dark. That lady cannot be beautiful in the morning and ugly at night, is she a witch? He said she has many suitors and that is why I encouraged him to not waste her time. Looks is important in marriage and if he is not sure he likes her looks, he should free her quickly.

uihik

olabrinks:
Naturally light skin women still bleach their skin to be lighter, so yes 80% of fair women bleach in Nigeria. This is facts and everybody knows this. And when you take off the makeup, the wigs, the waist trainers and clothes..look at them in raw lighting.. it’s not a pretty sight. All these bleaching products destroy the skin and by 35-45 they look aged and haggard. As you spend most of your day on NL quoting people, think twice before you quote me. Thanks.

Allow them please to continue hustling fair women, they don't know complexion is in the DNA. A bleached girl will give birth to very black children for them. Nansense!

Most of these stories are just HIRED bloggers who write stories for Nairaland. They are always easy to spot. However the fact that Seun allows them to perpetuate colorism and racism is really baffling. Black people don't love themselves.

MaXiK:
Good day Nairalanders!!

Please I need your advice. My current girlfriend has all the good characters that perfectly defines a wife material plus she's a scholar and also a virgin (not particularly concerned about this anyway but to evince how disciplined she is) but sometimes she will look attractive to me and other times she will appear unattractive and I won't feel attracted to her at all. To clarify things, this changes has nothing to do with her dress sense neither my beholding senses but real changes in her facial appearance and allurement.

To be frank and sincere, she is just greatly above average in attractiveness but she's not stable in her look, she falls far below average occasionally. Also we're both dark in complexion and I will prefer my children to be lighter than I am, if not fair.

I have been trying to look beyond her look by focusing on other quality attributes she possess but the issue about her irregular look keep on fluctuating my feelings for her.

The crux of it is that I'm in my early thirties I need serious relationship; someone to build future with and finally get married to but here I am with someone that meet up with more than seventy percent of my requirements in my ideal wife but with unstable look that is threatening my feelings for her.

I am concerned about this because of some issues we consider trivial are still crashing marriages these days....

My questions:

How important is look in marriage?
Is it me that is making issue out of trivial matters because this lady is receiving a lot of relationship advances from people far better than I am and she's turning them down to maintain her commitment to our relationship?
Is there any possibility of stability in her look in the future considering that she's still in school?

Your genuine, mature and constructive advice is highly needed.

I will appreciate ones from those who have experienced what I'm currently going through.

Brother man your happiness na Im matter no go kee yourself because of toto,those hoes ain’t meant for relationship…….

Magnoliaa:


Asinnn. I'm really vexed. And that CsRoercoaster guy. Kai. Mehnnn. Very annoying. Ah God.

lol. Later you go dey read 'please hide my ID, my wife is this and that. Case of not knowing what they want actually want.

I'm learning.

Godada:
Like you rightly said: truth does not matter, perception is the reality.

As a person that have been in this institution called marriage for over 15years, here is my candid advice....

Value character above beauty. Beauty fades.
Character doesn't.

Any man that wishes to go far needs a stable home, and most times, it's the woman that guarantees this.

The Good Book says,
It is better to live in a corner of the housetop [on the flat roof, exposed to the weather]
Than in a house shared with a quarrelsome (contentious) woman.


You should review your expectations on the subject matter that concerns the beauty of your lady.

The thing is this.....If she meets up to 70% of what you want, you have struck gold.

Let me reveal a little secret. You train yourself to love someone. It's an action. It's something you do every day and voila...you are in love

While you are at it.....build on your communication. Nothing beats communication in building a home.

I think a lady you would like to choose as your life partner shouldn't be a lady you just want to manage her look.Even if she has a natural look you should be satisfy with her look.I have discovered that lots of young ladies try to look so attractive with the help of make up but once they are into relationships they become so comfortable with their partners and they care less about their looks,if she has being natural since you have met her and you feel she has unstable look which affect the affection you have for her then why did you go far by proposing to her when you knew sometimes her unstable look disturbs you.If this continues and you go ahead to marry her, I pray you will not start cheating on her whenever you are not attracted to her.
My advice for you is to let her know she should try and apply some make up so she can look more presentable,for her to go about naturally without any make up shows she's a beautiful lady,even if she's d religious type she should once in a while apply pancake and if you are not still satisfy then free her.

No commess.

OP you're not ready yet for marriage and you know what ?

That's perfectly Ok

Don't pressure yourself get your priorities and requirements right and don't rush into anything.

Fashdeejay:


Work on yourself because if you enter marriage with this mindset you'll get out of it in less than 2 years.... Imagine when you see her taking a shit?? Or when she is in her not so Good day?? Or when she is pregnant.... Focus on what really matters .... Help her grow and work on your fears accepting her both when she is super beautiful and when she looks like a frog!!!
Understand one thing!! The moment you have a reason to love, you will have five reasons not to..... So love her without thinking about why you love her.... Just know that you do.... Leaving out why is the best advice I have.... That way she will remain forever young when you look at her and just feel the warmth of loving the woman who adds to your genuine happiness

You're so smart

Pierocash:
You never loved her person. You are been driven by lust for beauty that is why her looks is what determines your feelings for her.


You are emotionally unstable,and I am afraid for her,you will be a very big problem for her after marriage.

Period.

MaXiK:


Funny you.
She doesn't wear make up only her natural beauty with her natural long hair.

Who is the fair lady you are eyeing..

BRATISLAVA:


The new trend is virgins.

The same men who constantly slut shame women, call them whores and bitches are all suddenly about to marry virgins.

Wonderment! Is it that virgins aren't scarce any more?

These people are comedians.

It's like I need to go and buy an artificial hymen or surgically reconstruct one oh, so I can catch a good man.

Omoluabi16:
lol. Later you go dey read 'please hide my ID, my wife is this and that. Case of not knowing what they want actually want.

It's yeyerity and nothing else.