₦airaland Forum

Bro enjoy and don't let any complex start to build up within you. These are the things that spoil marriages not wedding food and drink. The probably are the highly social type that know many people. After going to others weddings over the years, a small wedding for their child just won't do as they'd want others to also attend theirs too hence their financial help. They prolly didn't do it to intimidate or oppress you. My dad owns fish farms and he declared serious catfish pepersoup and excess drinks at my wedding that my boo and I didn't pay for. Pls just put God first, be a good husby and enjoy your marriage.

Mom007:
Bro enjoy and don't let any complex start to build up within you. These are the things that spoil marriages not wedding food and drink. The probably are the highly social type that know many people. After going to others weddings over the years, a small wedding for their child just won't do as they'd want others to also attend theirs too hence their financial help. They prolly didn't do it to intimidate or oppress you. My dad owns fish farms and he declared serious catfish pepersoup and excess drinks at my wedding that my boo and I didn't pay for. Pls just put God first, be a good husby and enjoy your marriage.

u are the only person with sense here...u nailed it.kudos sir

They sent you a little messed: "love our daughter and we'll love you right back"

Don't mess this up son.

It's a normal thing in Yorubaland that who gets sponsor the thing.

Please enjoy your marriage in peace, I was also helped with my own marriage almost 11years ago in delta state and I am a grown man now with money , I build house for my wife, a car and she own a a business and she still get salary from me every mouth , I work hard to get there , appreciate what you have and work hard to provide and protect your new family, during my wedding , I was given a toyota highlander, money and all , but I never disappointed the family at the end , dont mind my English please

Normal Yoruba style especially middle and upper class families. Traditionally, it's the responsibility of the brides family to feed guests on the wedding day. Yours is to bring the yams etc for the traditional wedding. The items are shared among the extended family members of your parents in law. It's not really meant to be cooked for the ceremony. In modern times, the groom's family usually comes with some food to ensure that their own guests don't lack in any way. Even extended family members and friends gladly contribute their quota towards the wedding. Half of the food cooked may be from donors who bring different things or have additional caterers.

All that is required of you is to take good care of their daughter. Enjoy the love around you. Be respectful and nice to them. Most families will not tolerate arrogance or misbehaviour from their daughter on account of feeling superior because they funded the wedding. Be confident in yourself. Work hard to earn their respect. Don't be dependent on them though they'll gladly assist if necessary. God will provide for you to be a wonderful husband and father.

Happy married life.

OP so all this jolly dey and you no invite us...O wrong nau

[quote author=Tonero5200 post=107609083]Am scared if they are going to use it against me later.


Like to curse me, or tell me word that will pain me in the future.

I know my girl, she can quarrel for africa but I do love her.
They're celebrating the fact that their daughter is getting married and not shamed them as a parents,
Relax and be a good son in law to their da3
.

NoToPile:
The OP is not seeing it the way you and some of us are seeing it which is father in law hosted the guests EOD

He is concerned( using a mild word) that it was clear to all and sundry that the FIL did all the extra stuff's like the extra drinks extra food and all. Possibly he might have felt better there were no extra stuff's or it was not visible to all where they came from.

Not a healthy thinking at all, this line of thought will begin to grow and grow and resentment for his wife's family will set in if he's not careful. If they buy clothes for baby wahala, if they say this wahala, if wife talks too much wahala.

It's even better the bride's father spent the money on the rice and cows than giving it to the couple, if the FIL did give them the money only God knows what the OP would be thinking.

That marriage will soon crash. The op is a wrong groom.

No matter what you give, in yorubaland, the bride family host the wedding and whatever they spend will be assumed to be partly collected from the groom. Whatever added to it is also the responsibility of the bride family for their daughter. This is why I don't like intertribal marriages. There will always be cultural shocks. And op and his families are not taking it lightly for the help rendered. His families will start to frustrate that innocent girl.

Tonero5200:
Hi.

Honestly speaking am really worried, have dated my fiance for sometime now. So we finally decided to tie the knot.
She suggested we do it this year November and I concurred, so we've been saving towards it ever since.

Last 2 months I made my intentions known to her family, that I will like to marry their daughter. Due to the conversations I had With her parents, I told them I wanted it small.. because am not financialy buoyant.

But To my surprise, her dad said I shouldn't worry about it, they are going to support me ( which is most likely Normal)

(They gave me traditional rite's, which I sorted out by myself)

With the traditional right drawing close, last month I learnt from my fiancee..her parents are planning to buy 2 cow for the traditional and white wedding. (I was surprised)

The following week, the hall she choosed for the reception of the white wedding, has already been paid for by her dad which was about 500k excluding the decorations which they also took care of ( even though I opted we could have done the reception in the church)

But my fiancee told me her dad is inviting alot of well-wishers home and abroad to come celebrate with us.both his fellow staffs and all.

* I bought 2 bag of rice and groundnut oils

* We paid for the cakes

* We paid for drinks

* We sorted things out (invitation cards, pre shoot photos)

But was surprised 2 days to the traditional marriage, more expensive drinks were rolling in.

On the d day of the white wedding, I realised, they cooked more than 8 bags of rice ( coconut, jollof, banga and fried) meats were surplused.
Alot of people came from her family's, while my own families were just there.. they did get the message.

Someone even said it to my mom face. THAT THIS GIRL PAPA TRY O.

please, I don't want to sound like am a bad person or I don't know good.
Offcus I appreciate her parents efforts, but am just a little bit worried.

As a man, won't this come to haunt me in the future?

It is their duty to sponsor their daughter's wedding to their own tastes. Honestly this matter no concern you at all. Na after the wedding your own responsibility go start and if they start trying to interfere with your marriage after the wedding that's when you have a right to complain. Regarding the wedding that day belongs to the bride and her family not to you. Chikena.

Guy Man... You're a responsible person that's why you are feeling this.
You belong to the class of guys that believes that it's a Man's World, when it comes to marriage.
I once belonged there.

But that narrative is changing.

Social media and entertainment is changing them all.

So..
Live your life and enjoy.

Whether from poor home or rich, whether in-laws supported you or not.

A bad wife will always show herself...and it's by extension the way you lived with her while in courtship.

Hope make small sense?

Tonero5200:
Hi.

Honestly speaking am really worried, have dated my fiance for sometime now. So we finally decided to tie the knot.
She suggested we do it this year November and I concurred, so we've been saving towards it ever since.

Last 2 months I made my intentions known to her family, that I will like to marry their daughter. Due to the conversations I had With her parents, I told them I wanted it small.. because am not financialy buoyant.

But To my surprise, her dad said I shouldn't worry about it, they are going to support me ( which is most likely Normal)

(They gave me traditional rite's, which I sorted out by myself)

With the traditional right drawing close, last month I learnt from my fiancee..her parents are planning to buy 2 cow for the traditional and white wedding. (I was surprised)

The following week, the hall she choosed for the reception of the white wedding, has already been paid for by her dad which was about 500k excluding the decorations which they also took care of ( even though I opted we could have done the reception in the church)

But my fiancee told me her dad is inviting alot of well-wishers home and abroad to come celebrate with us.both his fellow staffs and all.

* I bought 2 bag of rice and groundnut oils

* We paid for the cakes

* We paid for drinks

* We sorted things out (invitation cards, pre shoot photos)

But was surprised 2 days to the traditional marriage, more expensive drinks were rolling in.

On the d day of the white wedding, I realised, they cooked more than 8 bags of rice ( coconut, jollof, banga and fried) meats were surplused.
Alot of people came from her family's, while my own families were just there.. they did get the message.

Someone even said it to my mom face. THAT THIS GIRL PAPA TRY O.

please, I don't want to sound like am a bad person or I don't know good.
Offcus I appreciate her parents efforts, but am just a little bit worried.

As a man, won't this come to haunt me in the future?

Ur problem is that, you studied 48 laws of power by Robert Green....no be everything the laws they work on...just enjoy ur life...Happy Married life bro...

Urbanchampion:
I pray you definitely won't have issues in your marriage. Yorùbá parents support their sons-in-law , without making any fuse out of it. Abeg focus on the lady you love and marry and love her the more.

All most all tribe do aside igbos

Tonero5200:
The money her dad spent was really much .
I can't even make a correct calculations.

That's what's getting me worried, so that it won't lead to another thing.

So why are you afraid , you sounds as if you have a dirty mind and likely change tomorrow. Sorry I didn't mean any harm. But that's the way am looking at it. Be good good husband that's all unless you have a skeleton in the cupboard . Marriage is for better and for worst. Have it at the back of your mind. A lots of people are even looking for this kinds of oppotunity. You also have the spirit of pride. Otherwise if you don't have reasonable things doing, ask your in law to assist you through their dauher so that you will not be needing assistance next time. There is an adage that says some people have cap but don't have head while some people have head but don't have cap.

Happy Sunday

I guess you married from the South West. The Yorubas are always like that.,very supportive when it comes to marriage. Unlike those from the East who always wants to wreck their inlaws.

Worry not... Concentrate more on ur future, how to be a better husband and lovely father to your unborn kids.

Do you know Soaga family in Abeokuta?
Simbiat Atinuke Soaga (first wife of late MKO Abiola) . Her family was rich than Abiola. Yet they gave their daughter to Abiola to marry. Look our Abiola was super rich afterwards that he could buy all the Soaga family

I no understand this your statement, how is he been looked down upon?

In Yoruba wedding, nah the bride's family dey always do most of the things..

Just take care of you and your wife to be, then if need be your invited guests to avoid stories that touch.. Because the caterers will likely take instructions from the people that paid her so make extra food for your people.

Iyaebe:
Well, some people don't see any big deal in it but I as a person will stubbornly refuse such thing, I'll wait till you are ready and if my parents has to assist you then it shouldn't be beyond ordinary normal assistance expected from the bride's family. I will never allow my man to behave in a way that will make anyone ever look down on him,never.If he's still not boyant and we both want the marriage in a hurry then we will do a very low key wedding and he takes full charge and won't have to go above his capability.

Tonero5200:
The money her dad spent was really much .
I can't even make a correct calculations.

That's what's getting me worried, so that it won't lead to another thing.

If you married Dangote's daughter or Otedola's daughter, you will tell your inlaws not to spend more that N300,000 on your wedding?

Didnt you know that your wives parent where at least middle class to upper class?
Why didn't you find one grade II teacher from a struggling Cocoa farmer to Marry?

Don't use you hands to tear down a supportive in-law. There is no one who became rich in isolation. They may even be the angels God has sent to your life to bless your economy

Urbanchampion:
Normal thing, especially if na middleclass Yoruba family you married from. we no dey ever allow make God shame us, if your wedding wasn't "talk of the town", it was your In-laws they would insult, not your parents...my elder sister's friend did same for her daughter.

Truetalk. Those people are nice and great souls.

Tonero5200:
Yes I married from the west.
Thanks

Oh,they are always like that. I'm a living witness. They did same in my wedding... Even though everything was available but still they did upgraded wonders. Give it to them.

Urbanchampion:
I pray you definitely won't have issues in your marriage. Yorùbá parents support their sons-in-law , without making any fuse out of it. Abeg focus on the lady you love and marry and love her the more.

Truetalk, they over supported me too during my wedding. The Yourbas are nice people.

daddytime:
A junior friend of mine is enmeshed in this right now.

Abi na you be this GP?

We were all wowed at the wedding.

And of course, na so we siddon for in law side like people wey no get mama and papa. We no kukuma pass 10 self.

Dem almost forget to serve us food abi na we dey shame to ask for food sef I don forget.

Me, I sha know say when I see say dem dey serve some people for one corner correct amala and abula, the holy spirit shifted the ground from under my feet like bicycle wey him brake don cut...na so I backslide go meet them for where dem dey serve amala, tell dem say na we be inlaws oh...before dem begin control food come we side....

Interesting scenes at the wedding though.

Na so so shushushu you go dey hear...people too gossip.

Abeg no check my signature jare

NAWA.

Iyaebe:
Well, some people don't see any big deal in it but I as a person will stubbornly refuse such thing, I'll wait till you are ready and if my parents has to assist you then it shouldn't be beyond ordinary normal assistance expected from the bride's family. I will never allow my man to behave in a way that will make anyone ever look down on him,never.If he's still not boyant and we both want the marriage in a hurry then we will do a very low key wedding and he takes full charge and won't have to go above his capability.

Person like you na Shako jiya" Dey Dere dey mumu yourself

Please do not allow your ego ruin things for you.

Do you know how expensive it is to sponsor a wedding no matter how many guests are involved. Vendors are so expensive these days.

If I were you, after the wedding, go to your in-laws house and tell them thank you.

Haba. I don't understand things that happen these days. There are some topics that shouldn't even be on Nairaland talk more of being on front page.

vickydevoka:
All most all tribe do aside igbos

Small-mindedness runs in the vein of most of you. I wonder where you ethnocentric and/or myopic elements get the notion that Igbo families, especially the established ones, don't give financial support to their sons-in-law during marriage ceremonies or singlehandedly cater for the expenses of their daughters' marriage ceremonies, except where the groom is established and/or rejects help.

Tonero5200:
Hi.

Honestly speaking am really worried, have dated my fiance for sometime now. So we finally decided to tie the knot.
She suggested we do it this year November and I concurred, so we've been saving towards it ever since.

Last 2 months I made my intentions known to her family, that I will like to marry their daughter. Due to the conversations I had With her parents, I told them I wanted it small.. because am not financialy buoyant.

But To my surprise, her dad said I shouldn't worry about it, they are going to support me ( which is most likely Normal)

(They gave me traditional rite's, which I sorted out by myself)

With the traditional right drawing close, last month I learnt from my fiancee..her parents are planning to buy 2 cow for the traditional and white wedding. (I was surprised)

The following week, the hall she choosed for the reception of the white wedding, has already been paid for by her dad which was about 500k excluding the decorations which they also took care of ( even though I opted we could have done the reception in the church)

But my fiancee told me her dad is inviting alot of well-wishers home and abroad to come celebrate with us.both his fellow staffs and all.

* I bought 2 bag of rice and groundnut oils

* We paid for the cakes

* We paid for drinks

* We sorted things out (invitation cards, pre shoot photos)

But was surprised 2 days to the traditional marriage, more expensive drinks were rolling in.

On the d day of the white wedding, I realised, they cooked more than 8 bags of rice ( coconut, jollof, banga and fried) meats were surplused.
Alot of people came from her family's, while my own families were just there.. they did get the message.

Someone even said it to my mom face. THAT THIS GIRL PAPA TRY O.

please, I don't want to sound like am a bad person or I don't know good.
Offcus I appreciate her parents efforts, but am just a little bit worried.

As a man, won't this come to haunt me in the future?

Why all these needless insecurity? The show of support extended to you and your wife is what so many men are longing for. As long as you do not have inordinate plans of manhandling your wife in the future, then you have no cause to be afraid. Personally I will do same and even more, when my daughter is getting married.

mastermaestro:
Quit worrying. Those from the West say it's a cultural thing. Well I don't know about that because I am not from that part. I would tell you not to worry.

When all my four sisters go married at various times, my dad spent money on their wedding ceremonies as though it was his own wedding. Cow, drinks, reception and other stuffs, besides what my in-laws did. That's who my dad has always been. Once he sees you as family, he offers his full support wholeheartedly expecting nothing in return.

Years have gone by, my in-laws have no regrets over the 'unsolicited' assistance they got during their weddings to my sisters.

Good in-laws make life easy for you. Just enjoy your life, and please do not betray the love they've shown you.

Don't mind him. He sounds like one that have a dirty mind and may likely change tomorrow, besides he also have an elements of pride in him. That's the way am looking at it from my own angle

Just b a loyal husband. If u try messing up. U know the rest.

Iyaebe:
Well, some people don't see any big deal in it but I as a person will stubbornly refuse such thing, I'll wait till you are ready and if my parents has to assist you then it shouldn't be beyond ordinary normal assistance expected from the bride's family. I will never allow my man to behave in a way that will make anyone ever look down on him,never.If he's still not boyant and we both want the marriage in a hurry then we will do a very low key wedding and he takes full charge and won't have to go above his capability.

"lowkey" is the keyword here. I want it very lowkey.

kelvin1191:
Relax yourself, the wedding is over. Just go to him with a bottle of wine and thank him for his contributions. He wanted the wedding to his standard and that's what he did without putting it all on you. Go make more money bro and make that damsel happy.

I have seen a family of three guys and a girl. The boys all all foreign based. During the wedding of their only sister, they spend madly and after the wedding, they collected the guy account and bloom!

God bless your home

People should stop advising this dude. I sees him as an ungrateful human being. I doubt if he has taken any wine to his father inlaw to show an appreciation.

Iyaebe:
Abegiii,I as a person will strongly refuse that,I don't want anything that will bring my man out and be perceived as a low value man. What happens to a very low key wedding where he won't be needing any assistance from anybody and his respect intact.

How will you try it with Otedola or Dangote's daughter?

Bro everything does not happen like in a movie and I guess you've watched too much of Nollywood. Please relax and be yourself. No ody will tell you what it meant for your in-laws to spend much as it's not mathematics where 1+1 is always 2. Enjoy your marriage and be a good son to your in-laws. They may mean no harm and perhaps they spent money on their daughter's wedding. What is even your problem? Someone's daughter is getting married and you're concerned with how much they're spending on their own. Please you need to calm down and be responsible. This type of in-laws are mostly the best in times of need.