₦airaland Forum

tobechi20:
Bring kids into the picture, and often, one’s sex drive takes a nose dive. Especially for mothers.

Low libido is a very common issue for new mothers as they are healing from childbirth, grappling with fluctuating hormones and extreme sleep deprivation.

While we know adjusting to a new baby can profoundly impact a couple’s life (including sexual intimacy), we, as a society, act like it shouldn’t. We act like there’s something wrong with a new mother needing a timeout from sex.

New mothers who admit to having less sex drive are often met with people urging, “Just do it anyway,” and “You’ll get in the mood.”

But what if you don’t get in the mood, even when you take this advice? What then?

Why aren’t the feelings of the woman valid? Shouldn’t she be listening to her body? Her mind?

I’m not sure where we got this idea that a husband owns his wife’s vagina. Or that he is entitled to intercourse, MouthAction, handling, or groping. I’m pretty sure I didn’t see that covenant in the paperwork. But I have an inkling that this entitlement is very much based in misogyny and male privilege.

Men are led to believe, often since they are young boys, that women should have sex with them when they want it. Even when their wives are not “in the mood.” Because sex is the way he feels intimate. Sex is the way he connects. Because putting your husband’s sexual desires first is supposedly the best way to avoid divorce.

These antiquated and sexist designs for marriage are damaging to women.

When a married mom doesn’t put out, she’s called “cold” and “selfish” and the dreaded “bitch.” She’s told she must have “something else going on” mentally. Outsiders to the marriage, and maybe even therapists, will question if the wife was ever sexually assaulted. Does she have a history of trauma? They’ll try to make connections that aren’t there. Because how could a wife possibly not want to have sex with her husband?

It is sickening and horrific to think of a woman having sex against her will, married or not. It’s disgusting that we automatically assume something must be “wrong” with a woman who is having a gap in her groove. Beyond all that, it’s dangerous.

Suggesting that married women and mothers should just “do it anyway” is sexual bullying and coercion. If a husband acts on the “just do it anyway” cliché and forces it — that’s called rape.

When we attack married mothers for not putting out, we’re reaffirming once again what’s important in this society.

A man’s needs, not a woman’s. A man’s voice, not a woman’s voice.

Hathor5:
Another question:

Do husbands enjoy a reluctant wife who only has sex with them out of a sense of duty aka because 'she owes them'?

budaatum:
You are obviously not married, yet, because if you were, you'd know marriage is not the only thing that would go downhill just because your dik is starving. But if perchance you are married, your "me I no send anybody" says a lot.

You poor kids, is what I'm going to be thinking when I go to bed tonight.

Tickles001:
If everyone starts to do things only when they're in the mood or only when it's owed. How do you think the world would be like.

What do you think will play out in the family if the man wakes up one morning and decides he's not funding the house for a whole month because he doesn't feel like, or not in the mood. Or decides that he needs to quit his job and get a break because he's depressed and stressed out.
He's been doing like 3 side hustles, plus his main job. Things he entirely doesn't feel like doing. He needs a break, but he's not taking it.

If a woman naturally turns cold. A reasonable man would understand. But most times women just use it to show defiance.
The same woman that has 3kids and now cold, is the same woman that will go and be feeling kinky with a colleague in the office. Even when the said colleague is not doing anything to attract her.

Have sex with your partner is one of the simple things someone would do if there's still a tiny bit of attraction left in the union.

Men do a lot of things that is actually against their will. They go through biological changes too. All those stuffs you wrote up there has a masculine version of it. But if everyone starts making a long case out of simple things just like you did. Then nothing will ever work out and happiness will elude everyone at the end.

I wonder how people think like this sef. Simple something

A married woman with 2kids from this nairaland once told me that her husband is not giving her enough sex. That she wants it more now, than when she was without child. And she is a busy woman.
How come she's not cold?

Klass99:
I am curious Mufasa, have you ever enjoyed sex with a reluctant and unwilling partner? Answer truthfully o!

@ Tobechi, you made valid points but so did Tickles001.

My personal ideology of marriage has always been two adults taking good care of each other. And that means in every way possible - sexually, financially, emotionally, physically and otherwise.

In marriage, I believe our bodies belong to each other, it's about giving and receiving care, being there for the other person even when you don't feel like it, but they need you.

We owe each other sex, as well as respect, intimacy and more.....If I am tired and not in the mood, I will simply tell my man, I'm tired so bear with me if I don't bring my A Game to this show or I am not an active and enthusiastic participant tonight.

I won't say no or deny him the cookie, because when he flips that script on me I am sure I won't like it or find it funny.

Favfables1:
We are each other's responsibility...I do my best to make you happy and vice versa... And when I can't meet up I communicate it to you. I won't turn you down, buh if you respect my feelings enough, then you won't mount me either...

Your ideology of marriage is superb!! sincerely hope you find a partner as understanding as you ..

tobechi20:
Bring kids into the picture, and often, one’s sex drive takes a nose dive. Especially for mothers.

Low libido is a very common issue for new mothers as they are healing from childbirth, grappling with fluctuating hormones and extreme sleep deprivation.

While we know adjusting to a new baby can profoundly impact a couple’s life (including sexual intimacy), we, as a society, act like it shouldn’t. We act like there’s something wrong with a new mother needing a timeout from sex.

New mothers who admit to having less sex drive are often met with people urging, “Just do it anyway,” and “You’ll get in the mood.”

But what if you don’t get in the mood, even when you take this advice? What then?

Why aren’t the feelings of the woman valid? Shouldn’t she be listening to her body? Her mind?

I’m not sure where we got this idea that a husband owns his wife’s vagina. Or that he is entitled to intercourse, MouthAction, handling, or groping. I’m pretty sure I didn’t see that covenant in the paperwork. But I have an inkling that this entitlement is very much based in misogyny and male privilege.

Men are led to believe, often since they are young boys, that women should have sex with them when they want it. Even when their wives are not “in the mood.” Because sex is the way he feels intimate. Sex is the way he connects. Because putting your husband’s sexual desires first is supposedly the best way to avoid divorce.

These antiquated and sexist designs for marriage are damaging to women.

When a married mom doesn’t put out, she’s called “cold” and “selfish” and the dreaded “bitch.” She’s told she must have “something else going on” mentally. Outsiders to the marriage, and maybe even therapists, will question if the wife was ever sexually assaulted. Does she have a history of trauma? They’ll try to make connections that aren’t there. Because how could a wife possibly not want to have sex with her husband?

It is sickening and horrific to think of a woman having sex against her will, married or not. It’s disgusting that we automatically assume something must be “wrong” with a woman who is having a gap in her groove. Beyond all that, it’s dangerous.

Suggesting that married women and mothers should just “do it anyway” is sexual bullying and coercion. If a husband acts on the “just do it anyway” cliché and forces it — that’s called rape.

When we attack married mothers for not putting out, we’re reaffirming once again what’s important in this society.

A man’s needs, not a woman’s. A man’s voice, not a woman’s voice.

zed7:
This topic is for the mature mind. Let's approach it maturely.

We owe our partners sex, however a woman shouldn't really decline if she's considerate. She doesn't really need to be in the mood, just get a lube and open up.

Same should go for the man but unfortunately, for a man it is no erection, no sex. There is nothing anyone can do about it if it refuses to cooperate.

The bottom line is that a woman should hardly have a reason of 'no interest' to decline except for illness.

Like others have previously pointed out, when you have a duty to carry out, you do it irrespective of whether you feel like it or not. A hungry baby doesn't care if you feel like sleeping or not, he wants his meal when he's hungry.

Barristter07:
While you seem to have a point, you kind of take the stand that women are always available 24/7 because they don't have an erection ?

Heard of " Virgina dryness" . If a woman is not properly stimulated or interested. the sex could lead to injuries and pains. So it goes both ways , both the husband and wife need to be considerate.

InTheCloudySky:
Your post is too long.
Concision is the word.

As for the question, no one owes anyone sex, even in marriage. If a woman says no, that means no, even in marriage. Forcing her is called RAPE, even in marriage.

bukatyne:
Maybe your post would be easier than mine to understand.

If you want to have right to your time, money, body, resources etc. be single.

Judybash93:
We always want to side with behaviors related to hormones in women but when it comes to men, y'all wanna back out

Tickles001:
I don't even start that kind of relationship with anyone who doesn't like doing. So I'm likely to marry someone who is my match.

But if later in time she decides to use it as bargaining chip, or denies me as show of defiance. Under the guise of "I don't owe you".

This is what I'll do:
I'll join her in the game. I'll become a total stranger to her and she'll has to convince me with good reasons before I do anything for her. Because I don't owe it. I'll start with asking her to leave my house because I don't owe her shelter. No money for upkeeps, nothing at all for her except I'm doing it for my benefit.
I'll plan my withdrawal so it will hit her well, and make her leave.
I can't be living with an inconsiderate somebody.

tobechi20:
Bring kids into the picture, and often, one’s sex drive takes a nose dive. Especially for mothers.

Low libido is a very common issue for new mothers as they are healing from childbirth, grappling with fluctuating hormones and extreme sleep deprivation.

While we know adjusting to a new baby can profoundly impact a couple’s life (including sexual intimacy), we, as a society, act like it shouldn’t. We act like there’s something wrong with a new mother needing a timeout from sex.

New mothers who admit to having less sex drive are often met with people urging, “Just do it anyway,” and “You’ll get in the mood.”

But what if you don’t get in the mood, even when you take this advice? What then?

Why aren’t the feelings of the woman valid? Shouldn’t she be listening to her body? Her mind?

I’m not sure where we got this idea that a husband owns his wife’s vagina. Or that he is entitled to intercourse, MouthAction, handling, or groping. I’m pretty sure I didn’t see that covenant in the paperwork. But I have an inkling that this entitlement is very much based in misogyny and male privilege.

Men are led to believe, often since they are young boys, that women should have sex with them when they want it. Even when their wives are not “in the mood.” Because sex is the way he feels intimate. Sex is the way he connects. Because putting your husband’s sexual desires first is supposedly the best way to avoid divorce.

These antiquated and sexist designs for marriage are damaging to women.

When a married mom doesn’t put out, she’s called “cold” and “selfish” and the dreaded “bitch.” She’s told she must have “something else going on” mentally. Outsiders to the marriage, and maybe even therapists, will question if the wife was ever sexually assaulted. Does she have a history of trauma? They’ll try to make connections that aren’t there. Because how could a wife possibly not want to have sex with her husband?

It is sickening and horrific to think of a woman having sex against her will, married or not. It’s disgusting that we automatically assume something must be “wrong” with a woman who is having a gap in her groove. Beyond all that, it’s dangerous.

Suggesting that married women and mothers should just “do it anyway” is sexual bullying and coercion. If a husband acts on the “just do it anyway” cliché and forces it — that’s called rape.

When we attack married mothers for not putting out, we’re reaffirming once again what’s important in this society.

A man’s needs, not a woman’s. A man’s voice, not a woman’s voice.

lookingfly:
if it's the other way round, the woman would cry impotence from the part of the man......... No wonder our ancestors have many wives, if wife A do yanga B, C, D etc want to eat the Deek!

tobechi20:
Bring kids into the picture, and often, one’s sex drive takes a nose dive. Especially for mothers.

Low libido is a very common issue for new mothers as they are healing from childbirth, grappling with fluctuating hormones and extreme sleep deprivation.

While we know adjusting to a new baby can profoundly impact a couple’s life (including sexual intimacy), we, as a society, act like it shouldn’t. We act like there’s something wrong with a new mother needing a timeout from sex.

New mothers who admit to having less sex drive are often met with people urging, “Just do it anyway,” and “You’ll get in the mood.”

But what if you don’t get in the mood, even when you take this advice? What then?

Why aren’t the feelings of the woman valid? Shouldn’t she be listening to her body? Her mind?

I’m not sure where we got this idea that a husband owns his wife’s vagina. Or that he is entitled to intercourse, MouthAction, handling, or groping. I’m pretty sure I didn’t see that covenant in the paperwork. But I have an inkling that this entitlement is very much based in misogyny and male privilege.

Men are led to believe, often since they are young boys, that women should have sex with them when they want it. Even when their wives are not “in the mood.” Because sex is the way he feels intimate. Sex is the way he connects. Because putting your husband’s sexual desires first is supposedly the best way to avoid divorce.

These antiquated and sexist designs for marriage are damaging to women.

When a married mom doesn’t put out, she’s called “cold” and “selfish” and the dreaded “bitch.” She’s told she must have “something else going on” mentally. Outsiders to the marriage, and maybe even therapists, will question if the wife was ever sexually assaulted. Does she have a history of trauma? They’ll try to make connections that aren’t there. Because how could a wife possibly not want to have sex with her husband?

It is sickening and horrific to think of a woman having sex against her will, married or not. It’s disgusting that we automatically assume something must be “wrong” with a woman who is having a gap in her groove. Beyond all that, it’s dangerous.

Suggesting that married women and mothers should just “do it anyway” is sexual bullying and coercion. If a husband acts on the “just do it anyway” cliché and forces it — that’s called rape.

When we attack married mothers for not putting out, we’re reaffirming once again what’s important in this society.

A man’s needs, not a woman’s. A man’s voice, not a woman’s voice.

MufasaLion:
Some does.

Solatium:
I sometimes wonder what runs through these woke generation minds when they dabble into what they know nothing about.

Who told you is the men that enjoys and initiate sex most all the time?
My friend clear this rubbish from your head until when you have live with a woman for at least 5yrs before you can give your opinion.

Single mothers film for town wey dem dey look for toto mechanic wey go service their engine,you dey talk rubbish for here base on ear say

zed7:
This topic is for the mature mind. Let's approach it maturely.

We owe our partners sex, however a woman shouldn't really decline if she's considerate. She doesn't really need to be in the mood, just get a lube and open up.

Same should go for the man but unfortunately for a man, it is no erection, no sex. There is nothing anyone can do about it if 'it' refuses to cooperate.

The bottom line is that a woman should hardly have a reason of 'no interest' to decline except for illness.

Like others have previously pointed out, when you have a duty to carry out, you do it irrespective of whether you feel like it or not. A hungry baby doesn't care if you feel like sleeping or not, he wants his meal when he's hungry.

In everything, dialogue is key. Every thing is subject to negotiation. Approach is what matters.

InTheCloudySky:
Your post is too long.
Concision is the word.

As for the question, no one owes anyone sex, even in marriage. If a woman says no, that means no, even in marriage. Forcing her is called RAPE, even in marriage.

Favfables1:
OP...
Is it Everytime you feel like going to work?? I'm guessing, no,but yet you still go to work right?? Why?? Because the consequences of not doing so, out weighs the pleasure that comes with the"day off"...

I won't say anymore...

Hathor5:
Another question:

Do husbands enjoy a reluctant wife who only has sex with them out of a sense of duty aka because 'she owes them'?

gbemishile:
ure not talking about the wife trying as much as possible to please the man sexually even without penetrataion.ure just of the opinion that once the wife isnt in the mood,then she has the right to decline entirely

bukatyne:
Let me flip the question:

Do husbands 'owe' their wives sex in marriage?

I believe it depends on the type of marriage contracted:

In Christianity, marriage is for the following (in no particular order):
1. Companionship
2. Prevent adultery aka access to godly sex
3. Raise godly children

To ensure number two is achieved, plenty Bible verses talk about husbands and wives sexually satisfying themselves. The key would be 1 Cor 7: 2 - 5:


So yes, husbands and wives owe themselves sex, companionship, support etc.