₦airaland Forum

IgiveLadiesBj:
Bro are you serious and she wants a man to undergo vasectomy

Omo any body way marry this woman go hear am o

u dey laugh too . no mind the grandma

Hathor5:
I am not so sure that motherhood and pregnancy realities will have this effect. The opposite might be the case.

I was going to agree until I remembered there was a time I thought some slay queens like Mercy Johnson, Tonto Dike, Ini Edo, and Linda Ikeji will never desire marriage or pregnancy.

Mercychen:
All this wordly instances you all are citing here doesn't apply to us ( or me ) cos we are Christians and don't believe in or entertain such negative thoughts about cheating on each other in future or divorcing and remarrying. So, that is out of the picture for us.

Whether we decide to have one or more, we believe they'll last long for us.

The major issue here is not who does the planning but if he's even in on the idea of one child with me because going by his refusal, it seems he has other plans. That's the secret I set out to unravel before some nairaland urchins came and twisted the whole thing on me.

Anyways, I've been able to pick one or two things from the few reasonable ones who were able to drop some sensible words of advice. From which I've formed a decision.

You suspect that his other plans is to get you pregnant again later on and I am like instead of making a policy about someone else's body why not make that policy about your body. Since it is your body you are right to decide to have one child because you are the one that will carry the pregnancy for 9 months but if you want to also enforce having one child then you have to proceed to doing a hysterectomy so that you can be sure never to get pregnant again irrespective of what your husband intends to do. I am trying to put myself in the man's shoes to understand why he is refusing to heed your wishes to do a vasectomy. It is easy to claim that you are a Christian and you are a positive person but I assure you that many Christians and people of positivity are divorced today and whatever permanent changes that resulted from their ended marriages will affected them if they ever attempt to move into the next marriage. A vasectomy is detrimental and so is a hysterectomy. Instead of demanding a man do a vasectomy you should basically just leave the relationship at the first sign of hesitancy. But if you are so adamant about having exactly one child irrespective of what happens then a hysterectomy is the solution.

Klass99:
Now, speaking generally and not specifically to you - I have randomly read people's comments and reactions to the OP, she has been dissed and cruelly insulted, making me wonder if it's her desire for one child or the suggestion of a vasectomy that has people so worked up.

If it's about the child, no one has the right to diss her for it. It's her personal choice and a choice that won't adversely affect any of us, so why the hate towards her? I have seen 2 male users on this forum (at different times on different threads) say they don't like children and they don't want to have them. One said they disturb and make too much noise, the other said he finds them annoying.

No single person on those threads (male or female) dragged nor insulted those guys or even quoted them to ask why or start a sermon about it. One of those users even had 5 likes and 1 share, when I saw his post. But, the moment a woman says something remotely similar or different, like - I want only one child or I like children but I don't want any of my own, that's when the name calling and insults begin, especially from female users towards their own gender.

Is it fear of the opposite gender that makes them stay mute and overlook the comments of male users? Or do they think when a man says that, he knows what he wants BUT when a woman says so, she is selfish, sick, evil and doesn't know what she wants? It's funny how everyone jumps and passes, when the moniker is M, but when it's F, they are all over a thread brutally attacking with full force. The hypocrisy is loud!

t.

Some nairaland women have been so brainwashed by patriarchal society and constant rhetoric that women are lesser that they cannot reason properly again or even put the needs of women first in anything.

Acidosis:
I was going to agree until I remembered there was a time I thought some slay queens like Mercy Johnson, Tonto Dike, Ini Edo, and Linda Ikeji will never desire marriage or pregnancy.

I don't know about these ladies and what they used to desire or not desire. I am not sure you do either.

Klass99:
Within the context of this thread, do you think she's being selfish for desiring one child only or for asking the man to get a vasectomy? I'm guessing it's the latter (for you) but correct me if I am wrong.

Now, speaking generally and not specifically to you Descarado - I have randomly read people's comments and reactions to the OP, she has been dissed and cruelly insulted, making me wonder if it's her desire for one child or the suggestion of a vasectomy that has people so worked up.

If it's about the child, no one has the right to diss her for it. It's her personal choice and a choice that won't adversely affect any of us, so why the hate towards her? I have seen 2 male users on this forum (at different times on different threads) say they don't like children and they don't want to have them. One said they disturb and make too much noise, the other said he finds them annoying.

No single person on those threads (male or female) dragged nor insulted those guys or even quoted them to ask why or start a sermon about it. One of those users even had 5 likes and 1 share, when I saw his post. But, the moment a woman says something remotely similar or different, like - I want only one child or I like children but I don't want any of my own, that's when the name calling and insults begin, especially from female users towards their own gender.

Is it fear of the opposite gender that makes them stay mute and overlook the comments of male users? Or do they think when a man says that, he knows what he wants BUT when a woman says so, she is selfish, sick, evil and doesn't know what she wants? It's funny how everyone jumps and passes, when the moniker is M, but when it's F, they are all over a thread brutally attacking with full force. The hypocrisy is loud!

If it's about the vasectomy, while I agree that it ought to be a man's choice without him being pressured or compelled to do it, the fury, vitriol and nastiness I am seeing, is still unwarranted and very unkind.

@ Mercyc.hen, I read your original post and from some of your other threads as well, I have to say that - for a grown woman your naivety and childishness can be astounding (I don't mean that as an insult). Please focus more on yourself, personal growth/improvement.

Thank you for this.

I didn't want to get in the middle of it because I have no energy for such but I find the quality of the insults thrown from one lady to the other here truly disturbing.

.

Mercychen:
I don't get it! Someone is not sure why her partner doesn't want a vasectomy and seeks to know by throwing it open and instead of helping out with the puzzle, everyone is just casting aspersions here and there. That's no way to help one out of their dilemma.

I already stated the reasons why I don't want it done on me and before I came up with that decision, I already did my findings on the side effects it has on women Which is usually higher than the mens'.

Please ignore those who wants to derail your thread. With regards to your thread, like I said earlier you are not selfish for wanting one child. Motherhood and pregnancy is not beans as well and what's the point in birthing children you will resent and not have the emotional and mental capacity to be able to take care of them? However you will be selfish if you make someone reluctantly agree to something they don't want to do. In your case, the guy doesn't want to do a vasectomy and he even reluctantly agreed to your one child policy which to me is a red flag for you and your wants. He is not a bad man, he knows what he wants but he doesn't know how to communicate. He probably reluctantly agreed because he feels you will change your mind after one child. So when you came with vasectomy, he out rightly said NO! Ignore these Nairalanders insulting you and get out of the relationship. You both are not good for each other because you're not on the same page. There are a lot of guys out there who would agree with the one child you want and immediately get a vasectomy. I wish you all the best. Trust me, the people insulting you are not worth it.

.

Prettiepearlz:
Please ignore those who wants to derail your thread. With regards to your thread, like I said earlier you are not selfish for wanting one child. Motherhood and pregnancy is not beans as well and what's the point in birthing children you will resent and not have the emotional and mental capacity to be able to take care of them? However you will be selfish if you make someone reluctantly agree to something they don't want to do. In your case, the guy doesn't want to do a vasectomy and he even reluctantly agreed to your one child policy which to me is a red flag for you and your wants. He is not a bad man, he knows what he wants but he doesn't know how to communicate. He probably reluctantly agreed because he feels you will change your mind after one child. So when you came with vasectomy, he out rightly said NO! Ignore these Nairalanders insulting you and get out of the relationship. You both are not good for each other because you're not on the same page. There are a lot of guys out there who would agree with the one child you want and immediately get a vasectomy. I wish you all the best. Trust me, the people insulting you are not worth it.

Ok.
Thank you so much.

God bless.

Women hate the truth, regardless of where it's coming from. Op seems to only liked the comments that sound nice in her ears but ignored or engaged in war of words with those that rightly called her out on her utter selfishness.
No wonder some 45 year old women don't exactly show marked difference in maturity from 22 year olds.
Una no dey ever wan learn.

Let me even unfollow this stupid thread sef.

UyaiIncomparabl:
Let me even unfollow this stupid thread sef.

Local champ. Please do with all pleasure.
You have nothing to offer than constituting a nuisance around here.

Good riddance!

Prettiepearlz:
Please ignore those who wants to derail your thread. With regards to your thread, like I said earlier you are not selfish for wanting one child. Motherhood and pregnancy is not beans as well and what's the point in birthing children you will resent and not have the emotional and mental capacity to be able to take care of them? However you will be selfish if you make someone reluctantly agree to something they don't want to do. In your case, the guy doesn't want to do a vasectomy and he even reluctantly agreed to your one child policy which to me is a red flag for you and your wants. He is not a bad man, he knows what he wants but he doesn't know how to communicate. He probably reluctantly agreed because he feels you will change your mind after one child. So when you came with vasectomy, he out rightly said NO! Ignore these Nairalanders insulting you and get out of the relationship. You both are not good for each other because you're not on the same page. There are a lot of guys out there who would agree with the one child you want and immediately get a vasectomy. I wish you all the best. Trust me, the people insulting you are not worth it.

Tell her the truth please. If your brother is not one of those "lot of guys", then you're not being sincere.

Everything no be gender war and gender alliance. Ladies should sometimes see things from their brother's perspective. Men with sisters should do same too. That's how to maintain a meaningful stance on issues.

Klass99:


When I first saw the thread/original post I didn't want to comment or get into it either, because Mercy tends to misunderstand and misconstrue one's words/intentions. I was like, she shouldn't have brought this here o.

But, as the thread progressed and I read different comments, I figured it was time to wade in, having been at the receiving end of such vile nastiness myself because of a harmless, personal, life choice.

When good people say nothing and do nothing, evil prevails. So, please we can occasionally wade in and drown out the hateful voices. After watching Monica Lewinsky's TEDtalk video, I am truly beginning to grasp the full extent of cyber bullying.

My only concern with Mercy is how she handles situations in her life. Her one child policy and vasectomy conversation with the guy, didn't bother me as much as, the ignoring of calls, tantrums and attitude afterwards. A relationship can fade or fizzle out, but that doesn't mean we can't maintain friendly/civil interactions nah.

We only short change ourselves and miss out on wonderful opportunities by permanently shutting out people. I admit that certain people (toxic ones in particular) need to and should be permanently shut out of our lives. But, if someone is decent, hasn't done anything harmful to you and it's only a matter of difference in values/ideology, keep the communication lines open, be friendly and have no hard feelings.

I didn't take this thread seriously at all. I doubt the authenticity of this story and OP can be quite disrespectful so it is hard for me to feel sorry for her. Last time I had a conversation with her, not even an argument, she made a disrespectful joke. I often see her rubbing people the wrong way for no good reason at all.

What is worse though is that one woman will insult another woman because of menopause and not having a husband. Is it what their self-worth depends on?

What has your having a husband and children got to do with anything? Has it saved humanity or the country?Are you a better human being now?

Nonsense.

Mercychen:
Local champ. Please do with all pleasure.
You have nothing to offer than constituting a nuisance around here.

Good riddance!

Uglee girl.

Hathor5:
I didn't take this thread seriously at all. I doubt the authenticity of this story and OP can be quite disrespectful so it is hard for me to feel sorry for her. Last time I had a conversation with her, not even an argument, she made a disrespectful joke. I often see her rubbing people the wrong way for no good reason at all.

What is worse though is that one woman will insult another woman because of menopause and not having a husband. Is it what their self-worth depends on?

What has your having a husband and children got to do with anything? Has it saved humanity or bettered the country? Are you better a better human being now?

Nonsense.

And where did i throw an insultive joke at you?

You see the problem with you guys on here is, you always want to be the only ones sounding right and correct. Any other person's opinion doesn't count and if the person doesn't agree to your ideology or views, shes tagged disrespectful or naive.

Now, youve commented earlier and I didn't counter or challenge you. You now came again to say you doubt the veracity of my story. Now, if I react to your derogatory statement, I'll be tagged immature right? Hmm... now who's looking for trouble?

When I was creating this post, I didn't have it in mind to draw sympathy from anyone or a pity party. neither did I solicit openly for one. So, I wonder why you would want to feel sorry for me. Please keep your sorry to yourself, I never asked for it.

Now, let me tell you. The reason I've been treating you with a little respect is because you and I have had a face-off before with my old moniker of which I later apologized and tried to stay off your lane but it seems you're are naturally drawn to despising my monikers and activities on here. Imagine all you typed up there.

Please, do yourself the honor of ignoring my posts. I never dragged you in in the first place but I guess your hate for this moniker and the urge to trash-talk and get at her made you jump in, hence your last comment. Not because you cared.

Whether you believe the story or not doesn't change anything and stop with the pretence already.

Abeg! Make I see road.

MufasaLion:
In the write-up, did you see me enforce vasectomy on men? Go back and read to understand and not jump to comment.

And if I had a son or brother, I wouldn't care if they do vasectomy or not. I don't interfere in people's private life.

Easier said than done

Acidosis:
Tell her the truth please. If your brother is not one of those "lot of guys", then you're not being sincere.

[s]Everything no be gender war and gender alliance. Ladies should sometimes see things from their brother's perspective. Men with sisters should do same too. That's how to maintain a meaningful stance on issues.

[/s]

What do you mean by the truth?

It behooves me that so many people are not and don't even know the meaning of "open mindedness", you all think because we are in Africa and Nigeria, certain things can't happen here, you are the kind of person that instead of facing reality, you prefer to see things in a limited way, your likes are the ones who insults, degrade people who decides to open up and speak up instead of keeping some certain aspects of their lives to themselves just to conform with societal norms, that is why Nigeria and most African countries are where they are today,

Change is constant, the world is changing fast leaving us behind, open your mind and accept the fact there are people who will continue to deviate from the usual norm you all are used to, so believe it or not, there are so many Nigerians(men and women) that are not interested in children, one child policy, and retaining their singlehood till old age/death, same with Vasectomy/hysterectomy. Go to hospitals and ask doctors/consultants.

Mercychen:
And where did i throw an insultive joke at you?

You see the problem with you guys on here is, you always want to be the only ones sounding right and correct. Any other person's opinion doesn't count and if the person doesn't agree to your ideology or views, shes tagged disrespectful or naive.

Now, youve commented earlier and I didn't counter or challenge you. You now came again to say you doubt the veracity of my story. Now, if I react to your derogatory statement, I'll be tagged immature right? Hmm... now who's looking for trouble?

When I was creating this post, I didn't have it in mind to draw sympathy from anyone or a pity party. neither did I solicit openly for one. So, I wonder why you would want to feel sorry for me. Please keep your sorry to yourself, I never asked for it.

Now, let me tell you. The reason I've been treating you with a little respect is because you and I have had a face-off before with my old moniker of which I later apologized and tried to stay off your lane but it seems you're are naturally drawn to despising my monikers and activities on here. Imagine all you typed up there.

Please, do yourself the honor of ignoring my posts. I never dragged you in in the first place but I guess your hate for this moniker and the urge to trash-talk and get at her made you jump in, hence your last comment. Not because you cared.

Whether you believe the story or not doesn't change anything and stop with the pretence already.

Abeg! Make I see road.

I don't even know which one is your old moniker.

And you are right, I don't care. Had I cared enough, I would have reacted earlier but I didn't. I only reacted to what Klass wrote because I loved her comment, the underlying message in it.

PEACE OUT

This thread went south, really fast

Mercychen it will be difficult to see an african man that will agree to that. Good luck though.

Pls i need urgent loan of 30k will pay back with interest, 10days duration, anybody i stays in ondo state i'm a civil servant,they promise salary by next week.





I know this is not a place to post it.,but forgive me

Nawa for some women..just imagine..only when I have 4 children against the 3 children I intend having, that's when I can even think of vascetomy..

Mercychen:
Hi fam.

Something has been bothering me of late and leaving me emotionally and mentally stressed and drained for the past weeks and I'm cut between the devil and the deep blue sea.

There's this bro we're trying to see if we can work things out. though, I never really wanted anything relationship again or at least for now until I'm decided later in the future on what I really want for myself.

Before, I delve into the main discuss , let
me quickly highlight how it all started.

Some months back, My publisher came to deliver the books I ordered for. So while sorting the books, he just got teasing me like " Babes, na wa o. What's up with your romantic life now?. I've never seen you pulling with anyone. It's always work, biz Money money money I see you pursuing. Lol... I just told him, guy, free me abeg and I went on counting the books at the boot of his car.

He now walked up to me and said, on a more serious note, what is happening? So I told him it's a personal choice cos I dont have the strength for relationship brouhaha now. He agreed with me that truly its not easy and even as a married man, he too feels the heat but the good thing is, he married in the Lord. So I should choose wisely from among the brethren.

So he said, he has this family friend, an eligible bachelor, who wants a decent lady and I'm the one that comes to mind each time the guy mentions it because since he's be dealing with me, he can vouch that I'm a very honest, hard-working and decent lady. So he would want the bro to have me.
That was how I got to meet bro.

Now fastforward to the main reason of this post.
There was this particular day we tripped out to cool off and discuss about US. So we got talking and planning on how to build our home in a way that we will not be caught unawares with some setbacks and unplanned responsibilities. So the issue of children came up and I suggested we have only one, which he reluctantly accepted after much convincing. So we tried to look at ways we can maintain that decision and I suggested a vasectomy. citing the possibilities of health risks (as a result of mismatches ) and failures that might occur if the family planning is done on me but with vasectomy, no issues. He looked me in the eyes and said, "my darling" no!

I was dumbfounded.... And became a little worried because, if he has no plans of having more children, why would he kick against the idea of a vasectomy?

If we are going to be one and follow one course, why shying away from a plan that will benefit us as a couple and a family?


Could it be, he only agreed to have one with me and plans to have more else where?
Is vasectomy a life threatening condition?

I was still trying to wrap my head around his refusal, when he said, it will be done on you ( the family planning). That instant, I felt all alone, like im on my own. So I told him I needed to cool off, and he said feel free.
I left the tent and went to the waters prentending to be playing with the water. He came and dragged me out of the water. we strolled without a word and I asked him to take me home. He did.

He called when he got home. I was cold to him so, he promised to call again but since then Ive refused to pick his calls or reply his texts.

The big question is ..
WHY DID HE BLUNTLY REFUSE A VASECTOMY?

COULD HE HAVE ULTERIOR MOTIVES?

IS IT NOT BETTER TO OPT OUT NOW THAN PRETEND I DIDN'T GET THE MESSAGE AND END UP IN REGRETS?

WHAT DOES IT MEAN WHEN A MAN KICKS AGAINST VASECTOMY?

You do pomeroy tubal ligation.

If I could get you right, you want to castrate your husband after having one child.?

You are the one that does not want more children, but you want him to do the Vasectomy.....Lol
So you want to have your cake and also eat it...

Wonderful..........

Would you agree to remove your womb if he agrees to your demand?

Mercychen:
Hi fam.

Something has been bothering me of late and leaving me emotionally and mentally stressed and drained for the past weeks and I'm cut between the devil and the deep blue sea.

There's this bro we're trying to see if we can work things out. though, I never really wanted anything relationship again or at least for now until I'm decided later in the future on what I really want for myself.

Before, I delve into the main discuss , let
me quickly highlight how it all started.

Some months back, My publisher came to deliver the books I ordered for. So while sorting the books, he just got teasing me like " Babes, na wa o. What's up with your romantic life now?. I've never seen you pulling with anyone. It's always work, biz Money money money I see you pursuing. Lol... I just told him, guy, free me abeg and I went on counting the books at the boot of his car.

He now walked up to me and said, on a more serious note, what is happening? So I told him it's a personal choice cos I dont have the strength for relationship brouhaha now. He agreed with me that truly its not easy and even as a married man, he too feels the heat but the good thing is, he married in the Lord. So I should choose wisely from among the brethren.

So he said, he has this family friend, an eligible bachelor, who wants a decent lady and I'm the one that comes to mind each time the guy mentions it because since he's be dealing with me, he can vouch that I'm a very honest, hard-working and decent lady. So he would want the bro to have me.
That was how I got to meet bro.

Now fastforward to the main reason of this post.
There was this particular day we tripped out to cool off and discuss about US. So we got talking and planning on how to build our home in a way that we will not be caught unawares with some setbacks and unplanned responsibilities. So the issue of children came up and I suggested we have only one, which he reluctantly accepted after much convincing. So we tried to look at ways we can maintain that decision and I suggested a vasectomy. citing the possibilities of health risks (as a result of mismatches ) and failures that might occur if the family planning is done on me but with vasectomy, no issues. He looked me in the eyes and said, "my darling" no!

I was dumbfounded.... And became a little worried because, if he has no plans of having more children, why would he kick against the idea of a vasectomy?

If we are going to be one and follow one course, why shying away from a plan that will benefit us as a couple and a family?


Could it be, he only agreed to have one with me and plans to have more else where?
Is vasectomy a life threatening condition?

I was still trying to wrap my head around his refusal, when he said, it will be done on you ( the family planning). That instant, I felt all alone, like im on my own. So I told him I needed to cool off, and he said feel free.
I left the tent and went to the waters prentending to be playing with the water. He came and dragged me out of the water. we strolled without a word and I asked him to take me home. He did.

He called when he got home. I was cold to him so, he promised to call again but since then Ive refused to pick his calls or reply his texts.

The big question is ..
WHY DID HE BLUNTLY REFUSE A VASECTOMY?

COULD HE HAVE ULTERIOR MOTIVES?

IS IT NOT BETTER TO OPT OUT NOW THAN PRETEND I DIDN'T GET THE MESSAGE AND END UP IN REGRETS?

WHAT DOES IT MEAN WHEN A MAN KICKS AGAINST VASECTOMY?

Marriage is not for you. Don't bother making an attempt

Prettiepearlz:
In my opinion, this is how marital problems start oooo. That man did not agree wholeheartedly with your one child policy, he reluctantly agreed after much conviction from you and no one knows how much energy you put into convincing him to agree to your one child rule. Personally, I am not a fan of plenty kids in this our not so friendly economy however it has to be an agreement that from both parties willingly and not reluctantly. That being said, the NO clearly means NO and it is an indication that they guy is not on board with your plans and probably plans to sort himself out in the future perhaps it could ego or ignorance about the vasectomy procedure. Besides you are the one who wants one child, the responsibility is on you to prevent yourself from having another. He clearly doesn't agree with your suggestions and you know it. Let him go and you can find someone who agrees with what you want. If you eventually coerce him into doing your bidding, he will resent you later on in your marriage and trust me you don't want to live with that. Find someone else who agrees with you and your wants and please let him also get someone else to give him the number of kids he wants. You two are clearly not on the same page. Finally your reasons for not wanting to be the one to do the child control is very selfish. You come off selfish with your assertions. I wish you both the best in your endeavours.

Best comment with so much maturity �

Good Lord. I had to skim past a lot of filler before reaching the main gist.

Vasectomy is safe and reversible. Maybe he’s mistaking it for sterilization which means he won’t bear children after the procedure. This is a situation where communication would draw a middle ground. You plan on having one child (which you’ll change your mind against in future) while he’s picturing two or more. Find a more willing candidate and leave him alone. There are many childless late forties to early fifties males who would grant your request quickly.