cayorday89:
"What did they see in her, someone that is not atteactive", that is too low of you, what she is doing is wrong and at the same time is expected of her, slapping her is not the way to go, just send her back to her people because you lack the emotional intelligence as to how to handle such case especially with you expecting her to still be the baby you used to know like she won't grow.

Your pikin sef go dey that age range one day, and besides you were once a teenager or in your youthful days you never experienced such?

This the kind of people you should be telling stuff about EI: https://www.nairaland.com/6372804/13-year-old-aba-house-jumps-down

You read that story abi? not someone that gave her Iphone X to the “house help” and plan to send her to the university. You people should be applying small brain and respect to your comments.

Marilyn Monroe and Madonna,I'm sorry but this girl has a free spirit her soul is older than her physical,to her life is about fun and drama nothing attached to it,she still know what she wants out of life though,frankly whatever decision you take to protect your home is alright that girl is not stupid she knows there are limits and boundaries,I'm a man an these are just my words still follow you gut feeling tho.I have raised two adults one 18 male the other 20 female,from my experience raising theses lads so far all I can say is be a realist with her and prepare her for life that's the best protection you can ever give her.

OP, is a psycho! Imagine coming online to seek for an opinion and then to accuse the people of giving unsolicited advice

kkins25:
how can i sleep when you're out there on some adventure

Eyaaa.

artimisfowler:


Reason why mothers cry everyday without knowing how children bring untimely death to themselves, well, I’m not the kind of lady that will take your photo to any shrine or stream but my words to you still stands I’ll catch you abi you remain again? He who the gods want to kill they make mad first, your madness has already become online but you don’t know it yet.

Its like you're on heat period abi? go and find cow to meddle with uncle-aunty. Sensible ones on this thread all disagree with you.

Juju? why not take buhari pic to that babalawo and we all can enjoy the benefit? lol. Don't forget that tomorrow is sunday. Don't accumulate the sin you would carry to church abeg.

Double0h7:
OP, is a psycho! Imagine coming online to seek for an opinion and then to accuse the people of giving unsolicited advice

That’s alright, I know mental illness runs in your family, via your mom’s linage and you’re so used to psychos.
Regardless, let me help your fried brain a bit ‘unsolicited’ means unrequested, not asked for! Now when a person says I want suggestion from Mr X and Mr Y comes to criticise the person. That’s counted as unsolicited because Mr Y wasn’t requested and definitely his criticisms wasn’t asked for. Hail your mom for me

Magnoliaa:


Eyaaa.

vampire and werewolf no fit dey the same dreamworld na!!

Double0h7:
OP, is a psycho! Imagine coming online to seek for an opinion and then to accuse the people of giving unsolicited advice

yodey mind the didirin?

Ishilove:

Kobojunkie, when you have an 18 year old relative living with you, feel free to allow her play with all the ragamuffins in the neighborhood and even invite them for sleepovers. She can even give them some of your property since she is exercising her freedom and dignity, but leave the op to curtail her excesses the best way he can come come up with.

You have made my morning, dear.

kkins25:
vampire and werewolf no fit dey the same dreamworld na!!

?? I don't understand what you're saying anymore.

Magnoliaa:


?? I don't understand what you're saying anymore.

Make u comt from DreamWorld so that i fit enter, i.e. sleep.

Magnoliaa:


Haha. I literally screenshotted your own comment.

The last paragraph was really so insightful I feel it is something I have to go back to digesting all over again.

Ahhh Thank you dearie, thank you

Acidosis:
Ahhh Thank you dearie, thank you

You're welcome.

Kobojunkie:
So an 18-year old gal, who's pretty much of legal age should not have a life because you have conveniently convinced yourself that she is nothing but a slave for you to slap around as you please?

Because she is from the village, she doesn't deserve to be treated as your equal as far as rights to life and choice is concerned?

Since it is obvious that you see her as nothing but a subhuman as far as you are concerned, send her back to her folks so she can pursue whatever life there is for her with her freedom and dignity as a human being intact.

For some reason i find this to be the most interesting comment on this thread ...
Not many Nigerians think this way...
I admire it.

artimisfowler:
Edited: highlighted sentences

So, a distant relative of mine was brought from the village to come live in my house, about 17, 18 or so, ever since she came I have been noticing some things.

Some street boys who have never greeted me before have started to greet me even from far, they offer their unsolicited help, like directing traffic on the street when I’m driving out. A particular boy stares at me like he can’t wait for me to go out every morning.

When I first noticed the connection was one evening I came home a little earlier, parked outside and was rushing to get some documents, I ran into her with some neighbour’s son in my staircase standing in front of each other, later that evening after I reprimanded her, she narrated that the boy came upstairs to inform us that he had returned our wheel barrow but no one was at home and on his way out they bumped into each other in the fairly dark staircase while she was returning from the market, I knew she was lying because this a girl that wouldn’t confess to guilt even at gun point but that’s story for another day. And yea every chance she gets she also dishes out too much of my food to male visitors and serve them drinks I chilled for myself, lastly she is in the habit of wearing tight fitting clothes. I seized her trousers and shorts, in fact I don’t allow that in the house, but she will cut her long skirts into mini skirts and also cut the sides and lie about doing that.

To cut the story short, I just don’t understand what these guys see in her, I don’t know why they find her so attractive, though she may have kind of oversized backside for her age and narrow hips, but that’s rubbish, she’s just a little girl and I still have memories of her growing up like it was yesterday, I guess she is all grown now and it sickens me to imagine her doing the unimaginable in my house.

Sincerely, I don’t know what to do, wether to send her back to the villa, she can work alright, she’s very protective of my family and properties too, she tells us the latest dramas, who’s not talking to who and why, all kinds of gossips around the neighbourhood, once in my presence she even told dss officers jaw dropping lies to discharge them when they came because electricity was illegally tapped from high tension and we got petitioned against. But, in all these “good outlook” or advantages of having her, the look in her eyes is unsettling, who knows what she would be capable of tomorrow, how she commands men’s attention can bring insecurity to my home, part of me even tells me that it’s too late to send her back because she don open eyes well well or could elope with some boy if she suspects anything, I don’t know if anyone can relate but I need some suggestion, family people only!

You want advise from mature minds, I hope you can handle it.

You have made your own mistakes despite the fact that it is hard for you to observe it. Why would you have your family live in such neighborhood? Even if it is your house, rent it out and move to gated estates. That will eliminate these problems naturally.

Your observations are perceptions that must be crystallized to facts.

Let's say she is 18 years old.

1. She has reached age of consent, so can legally have sex without your consent.

2. At 18 years, you can only advise but not decide on who she dates.

3. Being under your guidance is not similar to being under your parenting. You are not her parent,.

4. Her associations are based on her level of reasoning so to keep any adult in your home, choose people with similar reasoning to you.

Solution:
Sit her down and ensure that you have mastered your mind frame. Ask her if she is a virgin, about her relationships and why dating while with you will not be allowed. For now. Promise to guide her achieve her ambitions in life and when she lives alone she can have all the freedoms and relationships she wants.

You have to make her your friend, otherwise you'd be an enemy who doesn't wish her well.

This is also a learning curve for everyone having a teenager at home. I have one here and she is very very pretty fair with cat eyes and already hiding to wear waist bids and wears perfume to secondary school. Personally I ignore most of those stuff knowing if you get pregnant it's my joy cos it will stop me wasting money on Uni education but I still advise.

Don't take it personal, help them and when they don't want, support them but no friendship in your neighborhood. It doesn't make sense for you to live in such neighborhood.

EwuGambia:

For some reason this i find this to be the most interesting comment on this thread ...
Not many Nigerians think this way...
I admire it.

Lol..it’s ridiculous, where is all this coming from? I wonder if it’s the same story I shared or he is just being delusional:

1. The girl isn’t even 18 yet, I meant btw 17 and 18, even if she is 18, I should nau allow my own cousin whôre around or go out dressing like Cardi-B on stage in front of my growing kids? while living under my roof and eating my food? All in the name of human right? I know your mom still feeds you and know nothing of responsibility, so I’ll excuse that.

2. I don’t know where the slave word is coming from, as her guardian I can choose to flog her if I see the need, the same way I would tell my daughter’s school head teacher to discipline her when she misbehaves. It’s a matter of principle not dehumanisation, more reason why my kids must form their values here in Nigeria before relocating.

3. Not treating her as an equal as touching rights to life! Lol…this one off me, he simply sounds “affected” like a victim of such circumstance, my cousin feels very belonged in my home, someone who knows my phone’s password and would seize it from me until I had to gift her the IPhone, someone that has access to everything in the house? someone who cooks whatever she likes and dishes to everyone as she seems fit? so I don’t understand that statement, is it when I allow her sleep with boys on top my matrimonial bed then you’ll know that she has human right? Are you that daft? This is purely a case of low mentality.

4. My dear it isn’t obvious that I see her as subhuman, you’re only most probably pained from your personal past experience, you need therapy. Why is the boy swallowing another person’s pill? The worst thing is that he doesn’t even understand the weight of the matter, first the girl is family, there’s no one to even send her back to, she will probably run away to live with some boy and get pregnant and that’s not the life I want for her. Lastly, if you have nothing sensible to contribute other than “send her back to her folks” then keep quiet.

Between, y’all pervs floor flickering this story because you saw narrow waist line and big bumbum, you should all move on from this thread lol, no one is sending anyone away, I’m catching cruise on this faceless platform and some jobless folks are here masturbating on their fantasies and some carrying the matter on top their head.

artimisfowler:


That’s alright, I know mental illiterate runs in your family, via your mom’s linage and you’re so used to psychos.
Regardless, let me help your fried brain a bit ‘unsolicited’ means unrequested, not asked for! Now when a person says I want suggestion from Mr X and Mr Y comes to criticise the person. That’s counted as unsolicited because Mr Y wasn’t requested and definitely his criticisms wasn’t asked for. Hail your mom for me

k

Op, u no well sha.

Joblessness ehh

NovesaTillie:
Draw those guys close but maintain adult boundaries . Invite them over for drinks with the young lady in attendance so that you can get to know them better.
If you keep being on the edge and looking at her like a wayward person those her guys will start seeing you as a threat and any day they plan to fall you, na small thing.
Remember that the best way to keep something safe is to give it to the thief to safe keep for you.

Those miscreants on the street are very useful. You never know when you or anyone you know may be in danger and you will need their intervention.

supported.

artimisfowler:


Yes yes! You have a very good point, I would seriously put this into advisement. In fact this thing you said is not far fetched, I may already be a threat to some, recall in the initial post I said she may bring insecurity to my home? E get why! And I don’t react well to that kind of thing.

Chief...
That girl being under your roof makes her your responsibility and as such if she gets pregnant or becomes wayward, it'll be on you...

So if your instincts are telling you to send her back, please do and support her from the village if you can...

As for those guys in your streets, I'm not saying you should become best friends with them o, buh try show them love once once, you never can tell, they may prove useful someday...

Good luck...

Double0h7:
OP, is a psycho! Imagine coming online to seek for an opinion and then to accuse the people of giving unsolicited advice

True.

artimisfowler:
Edited: highlighted sentences

So, a distant relative of mine was brought from the village to come live in my house, about 17, 18 or so, ever since she came I have been noticing some things.

Some street boys who have never greeted me before have started to greet me even from far, they offer their unsolicited help, like directing traffic on the street when I’m driving out. A particular boy stares at me like he can’t wait for me to go out every morning.

When I first noticed the connection was one evening I came home a little earlier, parked outside and was rushing to get some documents, I ran into her with some neighbour’s son in my staircase standing in front of each other, later that evening after I reprimanded her, she narrated that the boy came upstairs to inform us that he had returned our wheel barrow but no one was at home and on his way out they bumped into each other in the fairly dark staircase while she was returning from the market, I knew she was lying because this a girl that wouldn’t confess to guilt even at gun point but that’s story for another day. And yea every chance she gets she also dishes out too much of my food to male visitors and serve them drinks I chilled for myself, lastly she is in the habit of wearing tight fitting clothes. I seized her trousers and shorts, in fact I don’t allow that in the house, but she will cut her long skirts into mini skirts and also cut the sides and lie about doing that.

To cut the story short, I just don’t understand what these guys see in her, I don’t know why they find her so attractive, though she may have kind of oversized backside for her age and narrow hips, but that’s rubbish, she’s just a little girl and I still have memories of her growing up like it was yesterday, I guess she is all grown now and it sickens me to imagine her doing the unimaginable in my house.

Sincerely, I don’t know what to do, wether to send her back to the villa, she can work alright, she’s very protective of my family and properties too, she tells us the latest dramas, who’s not talking to who and why, all kinds of gossips around the neighbourhood, once in my presence she even told dss officers jaw dropping lies to discharge them when they came because electricity was illegally tapped from high tension and we got petitioned against. But, in all these “good outlook” or advantages of having her, the look in her eyes is unsettling, who knows what she would be capable of tomorrow, how she commands men’s attention can bring insecurity to my home, part of me even tells me that it’s too late to send her back because she don open eyes well well or could elope with some boy if she suspects anything, I don’t know if anyone can relate but I need some suggestion, family people only!

In all you have mentioned, she us just at home doing house work and nit engagement with any trade or skills

As a fresh girl , she must attract me

I think you need to return her to her parents before she becomes pregnant

Hir former life in the village can not be compared to life in the city

MufasaLion:
You need to focus your energy on her lying habit. It's too bad of her to be too perfect at lying at that age. Also, it's normal for to be attractive to guys at her age especially if she's the wants of males. Your daughter, if you had any, is gonna get to her stage also and you'd be protective of her just like this.

I'd urge you to look past the memory of her childhood that you have in your head and treat her like an adult. She's no more a kid. If you're used to beating her, kindly stop that (I said so because you said you slapped her).

Sit her down and explain life to her. You said she do gist with you and your household, which means you've given her some sense of belonging in your family. Talk to her like you would do to your sister or daughter. Advise her. You have good intentions for her, but don't do it wrongly because you'd just end up seeing her with unwanted pregnancy.

I wish you well.

You have said it perfectly