Akwaibomdude:
If you try moving away from them(the aunty)and your wife doesn't agree...tell her to go and marry them

1000000000000 Likes!

Mercychen:
This your story ehn.. e dey pain brain.

If I got you right, you want your wife to disconnect from her aunty?

Well, it will be very difficult because like you said, she was with her for 18yrs. That's a long time to form an unbreakable bond, that's why she can't detach her self easily from her.

I'll advise you relocate to a place they'll not be able to access your house easily. That's the only thing I think can put a stop to all these.

Full stop...

uyimen:
Good day,
Pls help me with ur advice , i know u wont be shy to tell me if am wrong.

I got married to my dream wife, she lived with a relative for 18yrs who she also called mummy, she have a biological mother, who saw her through school (university level) though she was living with this Aunty.

Problem started when i came to marry her , the Aunty was hostile, she kept coming up with issue to paint me bad. I was repeatedly called to come and explain irrelevant provocative issues sure as why i travelled to inform my wife biological mother of my wedding plans. After the bride price payment and rites duly performed, She still made me perform an additional party which she called a traditional marriage outing party in her compound. All these i did for peace sake. No one including family members, husband children or even my wife ,dear opposes her to caution her ..In all these my wife kept on saying *she stayed with her for 18yrs.*
Worst of all u latter gathered from friends that this said Aunty was laying curses on us during the marriage, that the marriage will fail and my wife will return to her with tales of martial wows.
Then she warned me to stop calling her mummy. In all these my wife was always in tears through the honeymoon.
I ignored just becos i knew after the marriage things will change. This Aunty feed my wife with all forms of manipulative desires to set us up. and even requesting feedbacks from her in some case, words here are not enough to explain all.

To my surprise two yrs into the marriage this said Aunty and her children are still key important figures in my wife live, they have access to her and my home at will, somethings they plan visits when am at work.

Each of there visits leave us in weeks of quarrels . now its me my wife blames.

Friends what do i do now, my wife insists that because of 18yrs of living with them so i should let go and pretend nothing ever went wrong.
Pls advise me.

my beloved, my advice for you is to keep calm and be prayerful, most importantly, relocate from your present residential address to a place quite distance away from where supposedly unfriendly in-law shouldn't assessed your location easily. Moreover, I advised that the love or Bond you shared with your dearest wife should be on the increase though it will be difficult for her to let go of a family member whom has accommodated for good eighteen years. more grace my brother!.

She's not ready to settle down, her priority now should be building her own home but it looks like the aunty has caged her mentally and she can't free herself.

uyimen:
Good day,
Pls help me with ur advice , i know u wont be shy to tell me if am wrong.

I got married to my dream wife, she lived with a relative for 18yrs who she also called mummy, she have a biological mother, who saw her through school (university level) though she was living with this Aunty.

Problem started when i came to marry her , the Aunty was hostile, she kept coming up with issue to paint me bad. I was repeatedly called to come and explain irrelevant provocative issues sure as why i travelled to inform my wife biological mother of my wedding plans. After the bride price payment and rites duly performed, She still made me perform an additional party which she called a traditional marriage outing party in her compound. All these i did for peace sake. No one including family members, husband children or even my wife ,dear opposes her to caution her ..In all these my wife kept on saying *she stayed with her for 18yrs.*
Worst of all u latter gathered from friends that this said Aunty was laying curses on us during the marriage, that the marriage will fail and my wife will return to her with tales of martial wows.
Then she warned me to stop calling her mummy. In all these my wife was always in tears through the honeymoon.
I ignored just becos i knew after the marriage things will change. This Aunty feed my wife with all forms of manipulative desires to set us up. and even requesting feedbacks from her in some case, words here are not enough to explain all.

To my surprise two yrs into the marriage this said Aunty and her children are still key important figures in my wife live, they have access to her and my home at will, somethings they plan visits when am at work.

Each of there visits leave us in weeks of quarrels . now its me my wife blames.

Friends what do i do now, my wife insists that because of 18yrs of living with them so i should let go and pretend nothing ever went wrong.
Pls advise me.

It is well with u...I feel ur pain.
Unfortunately, you married from the wrong side and it's hunting u now.
My advice, Take a one or 2week holiday to seek the face of God. Marriage is to be enjoyed, not to be endured. And God is the establisher of marriage-union, so, he's the only one who has the solution to that puzzle... Through prayers & supplications, ask Him specifically & diligently what you want Him to solve in your marriage, and trust me, he will answer you.
Shalom!

since ur wife refused to grow up/still see herself
As madam girl.@OP,leave dat slow girl u kal wife b4 Dey gang up kee U.My eye don see much

Ehn let her destroy it na mumu

I will forgive you for ignoring this red flag early in the courtship. Any party in a marriage that gives less regard to his/her biological mother/father is a red flag. When you see it, try to correct it and if it doesn't work, leave. Your wife loves another woman more than her mum and you think she will love you more than her Aunty?

Solution. Relocation. Do that as soon as your saving can carry you. If you have the means, go live in a gated estate where people come in with permission. There is a reason people live in those kind of places.

Another solution. When next your wife makes trouble because of her aunty, allow her to choose between you or her aunty. At least let her go live with them and leave you alone. At best, shift your attention to her real mum. Bring her along to start holidays with you. Ignore your wife and her aunty.

Extreme measures: Dont beat your wife, but show her constantly that you are capable of beating her if she messes up. There should be a limit to this nonsense.

SmellySperm:
Weak men everywhere. You can't give her an instruction as a man. Sometimes violent take it by force. Keep being a gentleman

Usually, it's very difficult to control a tough woman. It's either he tolerate their will be trouble. Am a living example.

simple solution is to relocate to a place where her aunt can't easily access, simple

Tosbox01:


Usually, it's very difficult to control a tough woman. It's either he tolerate their will be trouble. Am a living example.

tolerating it means he will die of high blood pressure one day

@op. Maybe you should calculate how much they spend on your wife for 18yrs and pay them back with interest.

On a serious note, they expect you to pay homage to them for training your wife for 18yrs since biological mother is just there but na them gangan be mother who don't let shi.t goes

[quote author=Tosbox01 post=108455249]

Usually, it's very difficult to control a tough woman. It's either he tolerate her or their will be trouble. My experience though.

akinade28:
Op, I want you to "put yourself in your wife's shoes". You need to understand that women are often emotionally attached to their family members especially those that raised them, it is usually difficult to break the bond suddenly because of marriage. Everyone has that evil crazy extended family member, but we don't throw them away just because they are bad, we just establish caution when relating with them, blood is thicker than water. She has known this woman all her life and see the aunt as her second mother, forcing her to break all ties will put her in a very difficult position ( that's how you get a bitter wife). She might hold it against you in the future especially when relating to your own family members. However, you can relocate to a different place where it will be difficult them to have free access to your house. Then, you can tell her to reduce communication with them to the barest minimum.
To nairalanders with their baised and one sided advice. Assuming it was a woman that came to seek advice on the case of her husband's evil aunt who practically raised him for 18 years, but didn't like her nor wanted him to marry her, so she laid curses on her during the wedding ceremony but she and her children still comes to the house at will after the wedding. The advice will be completely different. You will hear things like " forgive her, she is like a mother to your husband", " no wife should separate a man from his relatives irrespective of what they have done", " you have to learn to accommodate your husband's relatives" etc.
Most of you guys can't take half of what you dish out.
Just because we are women doesn't mean no one ever sacrificed for us, you usually forget that someone raised your wives, they paid the price and invested so much in them to that level that you got married to them. If they had not sacrifice for them, you won't have gotten that beautiful woman you call your wife today.

You totally said rubbish.

uyimen:


Thanks for your view. this is exactly my wife view on the issue. But what am seeking advice for is not saving me from her Aunty, but how saving her from her Aunty.
She has accused my wife for taking the shine off her children, ie taking their destiny, what mother will say that?
What i dont understand should i allow it simply becos she stayed there of 18yrs. 18yrs of serving her and her children. Dont even want to talk about that.
Worst of all my wife relationship wit her biological mum who i term the best mother inlaw ever!!! is near zero, out of fear how the Aunty wont take it.

I love ur contribution but is not the case here.

You wife’s aunt na manipulative witch. She’s got you wife under lock and I guess what she have over your wife is she must not be far away from here. You had better pray and take swift action

akinade28:
Op, I want you to "put yourself in your wife's shoes". You need to understand that women are often emotionally attached to their family members especially those that raised them, it is usually difficult to break the bond suddenly because of marriage. Everyone has that evil crazy extended family member, but we don't throw them away just because they are bad, we just establish caution when relating with them, blood is thicker than water. She has known this woman all her life and see the aunt as her second mother, forcing her to break all ties will put her in a very difficult position ( that's how you get a bitter wife). She might hold it against you in the future especially when relating to your own family members. However, you can relocate to a different place where it will be difficult them to have free access to your house. Then, you can tell her to reduce communication with them to the barest minimum.
To nairalanders with their baised and one sided advice. Assuming it was a woman that came to seek advice on the case of her husband's evil aunt who practically raised him for 18 years, but didn't like her nor wanted him to marry her, so she laid curses on her during the wedding ceremony but she and her children still comes to the house at will after the wedding. The advice will be completely different. You will hear things like " forgive her, she is like a mother to your husband", " no wife should separate a man from his relatives irrespective of what they have done", " you have to learn to accommodate your husband's relatives" etc.
Most of you guys can't take half of what you dish out.
Just because we are women doesn't mean no one ever sacrificed for us, you usually forget that someone raised your wives, they paid the price and invested so much in them to that level that you got married to them. If they had not sacrifice for them, you won't have gotten that beautiful woman you call your wife today.

I fully understand where you are coming from because Nairaland men write a lot of rubbish but sometimes u still see some that will say the truth in the midst of their nonsense write ups.

I wonder why someone would train a person as the aunt claims and would not wish for the happiness of that person....Abi if her 'child' is a bigger, better and blessed person due to peace of mind etc won't she be remembered?

Even the mother that actually carried her for 9 months didn't do any wahala na aunty all because she trained someone, even cursing and wishing their marriage will fail, is this not witchcraft?

The Op and wife ought to be decisive and take steps in that direction.

Always observe red flag in courtship....

[quote author=Akwaibomdude post=108444123]If you try moving away from them(the aunty)and your wife doesn't agree...tell her to go and marry them


Well said

Babamide:
Is your wife jobless? Find a job or hussle for her to reduce the amount of free time she has on her hands.
Also ask if she is interested in building or tearing down her home. Because she seems to be under the aunt's thumb and the aunt is the one controlling your home.
Or maybe she is an agent that has come to destroy you (if you believe nollywood crap)

I disagree with u bro... The Bible made it clear that a man will leave is mother n father n cleave to his wife.. Op's problem is his wife, she has refuse to grow up..

This couples re still young dey need time together in marriage not some kind of interference from parents n family members.. Shey op no get mum n dad ni.. That his wife n her aunt needs to grow up..

There's two things these so called aunty wanna do to your marriage.
And that is.. Is either she dismantle it or keeps u succumbing to her will.

And as a husband they can both ruin your life (by enchanting u) at any fucking time they fucking desire if they observed u changing to what u weren't.
What u must do.
1. You must be prayerful
2. You must be careful
3. Find any means to change your wife because u can't change her aunty. And if God endowed u the power to do change your wife.. That means u've overcame your ordeals.

Once you don finished with Marriage, she is now yours, a part of you.

Reason with her …

4ckyou:


tolerating it means he will die of high blood pressure one day

See, I had to leave the mother of my child because she was too tough to live with. If we were married, I will just accept my faith. The man might injure or kill the woman if he truly wants to exercise his lordship. At that point, one needs wisdom.

EmmaxKeys:


You totally said rubbish.

you dey mad, how does it he said rubbis.h ? There is element of truth in what he said so we have to think both sides though evil aunt shouldn't have react like that because her own its too much

The root cause of aunt this aunt that, was you married your aunt niece, your wife, instead of one of her daughters.
There are coded ways of ending this kind of irksomeness.
Set up a peace party.
Then after the merriment state a firm reason why you held the party.
1: address the issue of your wife aunt and her children undue interference in your marriage.
2: that your marriage with your wife is at a thin line of breaking apart because of their action.,
3: not that you are rejecting them as one of your in-laws, but on no account should they visit or call you without sending a text message, before you could finish some of them who are wise will start to leave, then create enemity between your wife and her aunt, that her hatred for you was as a result of not marrying one of her daughters name one of them, and her insistence of discouraging you not to marry your wife, then draw a thick red line of total disconnect from your wife aunt who is your in-law, by calling your wife forward to choose between you and her.
Lesson learned from the 'The godfather'

family people will not stop interfering into married people' homes
rubbish

uyimen:


That is were the attack is strong becos, when i caution my wife she flares in anger and we could start a week long fight....

Dump her and she will realise you mean business.

Mercychen:
This your story ehn.. e dey pain brain.

If I got you right, you want your wife to disconnect from her aunty?

Well, it will be very difficult because like you said, she was with her for 18yrs. That's a long time to form an unbreakable bond, that's why she can't detach her self easily from her.

I'll advise you relocate to a place they'll not be able to access your house easily. That's the only thing I think can put a stop to all these.

your brain dey work

Bitter, older women with failed relationships with men have a strong desire to see younger ladies tow the same path as them. Misery loves company. They dish out destructive advice under the guise of looking out for their (the younger ladies') interest. I see it play out all the time, even more so here on nairaland.

Extremely sad that young girls can't see this until it's rather late.

akinade28:
Op, I want you to "put yourself in your wife's shoes". You need to understand that women are often emotionally attached to their family members especially those that raised them, it is usually difficult to break the bond suddenly because of marriage. Everyone has that evil crazy extended family member, but we don't throw them away just because they are bad, we just establish caution when relating with them, blood is thicker than water. She has known this woman all her life and see the aunt as her second mother, forcing her to break all ties will put her in a very difficult position ( that's how you get a bitter wife). She might hold it against you in the future especially when relating to your own family members. However, you can relocate to a different place where it will be difficult them to have free access to your house. Then, you can tell her to reduce communication with them to the barest minimum.
To nairalanders with their baised and one sided advice. Assuming it was a woman that came to seek advice on the case of her husband's evil aunt who practically raised him for 18 years, but didn't like her nor wanted him to marry her, so she laid curses on her during the wedding ceremony but she and her children still comes to the house at will after the wedding. The advice will be completely different. You will hear things like " forgive her, she is like a mother to your husband", " no wife should separate a man from his relatives irrespective of what they have done", " you have to learn to accommodate your husband's relatives" etc.
Most of you guys can't take half of what you dish out.
Just because we are women doesn't mean no one ever sacrificed for us, you usually forget that someone raised your wives, they paid the price and invested so much in them to that level that you got married to them. If they had not sacrifice for them, you won't have gotten that beautiful woman you call your wife today.

A man can never be in the same shoes with a woman. You don't marry the man, the man marries you. So why should the advise be the same. And if you are angry that we would have given a different advise if it's a woman, there is nothing you can do about it. Nature made it so.

Women of these days trying to direct the affairs of their family while in their husbands house. Stay single, no. Stay married, no.

izubext007:
That's while I encourage people to always go to any living Faith church for marriage counseling, it works like magic.
The warning was clear, but due to the saying "u don't know what u have untill u lose it's that made u to continue.

But there are some cases that it doesn't work like magic infact the opposite...

Anyway, prayers + counselling are always needed.

I wonder the age of the wife? No aunty can tell a full grown/blown adult lady this.