₦airaland Forum

EmmaxKeys:
You totally said rubbish.

Absolute rubbish. She may be one of those who can't allow her married brother/sister stay married. Someone that doesn't understand what marriage means. She thinks it's boyfriend girlfriend issue.

jimmychang:
You mad sense at first but you later spoil am when you turn am to gender war

I had no intentions of turning it to a gender war, I just want you guys to see things from our point of view

eazzzy1:
I know you and your wife’s aunty do not like yourselves, and you are allowing it affect your relationship with your wife. Your wife lived with her for 18 years, she practically raised your wife and can be referred to as your mother in law.

Treat her with respect as you would treat your own mother or let your hatred for her remain your hatred for her, stop forcing your wife to have issues with her, don’t put her in that position where she has to choose between her ‘mother’ and you, it’s unfair to her.

did you read the post well? Can you condone that your self? Is the wife married to the aunty? Who is the head of that family? Please always read post well before commenting

18yrs and the years you both are going to live together, which one would she choose,the bible said a man and woman shall leave his/her parents and be joined together, disconnect her or she should go and live with her if not you will have a restless marriage, I my fiance once told me she won't stay away from her sister and that's the end of the relationship, the woman who don't give her any advised, and they do is party together that's all. And now she is crying to come back that she realized the aunty don't want her to get married..

uyimen:
Good day,
Pls help me with ur advice , i know u wont be shy to tell me if am wrong.

I got married to my dream wife, she lived with a relative for 18yrs who she also called mummy, she have a biological mother, who saw her through school (university level) though she was living with this Aunty.

Problem started when i came to marry her , the Aunty was hostile, she kept coming up with issue to paint me bad. I was repeatedly called to come and explain irrelevant provocative issues sure as why i travelled to inform my wife biological mother of my wedding plans. After the bride price payment and rites duly performed, She still made me perform an additional party which she called a traditional marriage outing party in her compound. All these i did for peace sake. No one including family members, husband children or even my wife ,dear opposes her to caution her ..In all these my wife kept on saying *she stayed with her for 18yrs.*
Worst of all u latter gathered from friends that this said Aunty was laying curses on us during the marriage, that the marriage will fail and my wife will return to her with tales of martial wows.
Then she warned me to stop calling her mummy. In all these my wife was always in tears through the honeymoon.
I ignored just becos i knew after the marriage things will change. This Aunty feed my wife with all forms of manipulative desires to set us up. and even requesting feedbacks from her in some case, words here are not enough to explain all.

To my surprise two yrs into the marriage this said Aunty and her children are still key important figures in my wife live, they have access to her and my home at will, somethings they plan visits when am at work.

Each of there visits leave us in weeks of quarrels . now its me my wife blames.

Friends what do i do now, my wife insists that because of 18yrs of living with them so i should let go and pretend nothing ever went wrong.

Pls advise me.

Guy pack to another location far from them that would make them find it difficult to come an see you and always talk to your wife biological mother when important matter arise

eazzzy1:
Understandable, but your wife is an adult capable of making her own decisions. You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. You are already fighting over the woman’s matter, meaning her prophecies about your marriage are gradually coming to pass.

Get closer to her real mother, invite her over, visit her often, call her, send her money etc just leave your wife to the aunty, one day her eyes will clear but that’s not really something within your control, except you want to take people’s advice here and end your marriage.

As long as your wife isn’t forcing you to have a relationship with the woman, just ignore them. Atleast that’s what I would if I were in your shoes.

Don't you get it? Her closeness to the aunty is affecting the marriage, a aunty that predicted that the marriage fail and the wife return to her house can never offer any positive advice, she will rather do anything to ensure that her prediction comes to reality....

That woman is a negative influence in that marriage...

Mercychen:
This your story ehn.. e dey pain brain.

If I got you right, you want your wife to disconnect from her aunty?

Well, it will be very difficult because like you said, she was with her for 18yrs. That's a long time to form an unbreakable bond, that's why she can't detach her self easily from her.

I'll advise you relocate to a place they'll not be able to access your house easily. That's the only thing I think can put a stop to all these.

This reasoning is some how don't you think?
If an AUNTY that only stayed with a child for 18 years could lay such a claim on a child that she didn't even pay through school, even afer mariage .how much more will a mother that carried a child in her belly and took care of it for 30 years? And still let go after her marriage.
My point is staying 18 years with a child does not give you that power to dominate her life..no genuine mother would do what this AUNTY is doing. the AUNTY is demonic and is bent on destroying the lady may be out of jealousy. Apparently she's doing better than her daughters!

What I would have done would have been to send her on vacation to her former place and tell her I will be going to the village to stay for a month. After one month, if her brain no reset, i will leave the house for them to continue paying the rent and leave love behind.

For the sake of my very own peace
I can't give yoU an advice!
Anybody giving you an advice may develop a Brian tumor..
My advice for those who wish to advice you is to avoid you....

You are the head of your home. You have to stop them from coming to your home without formal notice. You have to control your wife from visiting. Or she would have to choose the marriage or her aunty. Eighteen years no means say you are indebted forever. She has lived hers. You and your wife need to live yours.

Benz4pimp:
if only he can do this...You said it all...my wife stayed with one aunty too like that for close 20years,they dare not try such with cus dem know say I get craze.....Man wey no get craze no fit control him house,sometimes gentle words doesn’t solve anything,I go carry 3 shirts,off to an hotel,when you are ready to listen,I will come back...

Wise words!

uyimen:
Good day,
Pls help me with ur advice , i know u wont be shy to tell me if am wrong.

I got married to my dream wife, she lived with a relative for 18yrs who she also called mummy, she have a biological mother, who saw her through school (university level) though she was living with this Aunty.

Problem started when i came to marry her , the Aunty was hostile, she kept coming up with issue to paint me bad. I was repeatedly called to come and explain irrelevant provocative issues sure as why i travelled to inform my wife biological mother of my wedding plans. After the bride price payment and rites duly performed, She still made me perform an additional party which she called a traditional marriage outing party in her compound. All these i did for peace sake. No one including family members, husband children or even my wife ,dear opposes her to caution her ..In all these my wife kept on saying *she stayed with her for 18yrs.*
Worst of all u latter gathered from friends that this said Aunty was laying curses on us during the marriage, that the marriage will fail and my wife will return to her with tales of martial wows.
Then she warned me to stop calling her mummy. In all these my wife was always in tears through the honeymoon.
I ignored just becos i knew after the marriage things will change. This Aunty feed my wife with all forms of manipulative desires to set us up. and even requesting feedbacks from her in some case, words here are not enough to explain all.

To my surprise two yrs into the marriage this said Aunty and her children are still key important figures in my wife live, they have access to her and my home at will, somethings they plan visits when am at work.

Each of there visits leave us in weeks of quarrels . now its me my wife blames.

Friends what do i do now, my wife insists that because of 18yrs of living with them so i should let go and pretend nothing ever went wrong.
Pls advise me.

Left for me, relocate to another area far from the so called Aunty and take charge of your family

Alternatively, seat your wife down at midnight, ask, her if she wants to be loyal to you or to her aunt. ?

If she says she wants to be loyal to you, then let her know that her aunt is influencing your marriage negatively and that, you don't like it

Don't fail to tel her that with the way things are going, this marriage may collapse and if it does, she will take the blame and if by any means this marriage breaks, that you will be done with her

Tell her that you don't want any visitor in the house with out your approval and if she violates, she will see part of the other side of you

Simple

If you can't take over your home, when will you do so ?

Montaque:
A man can never be in the same shoes with a woman. You don't marry the man, the man marries you. So why should the advise be the same. And if you are angry that we would have given a different advise if it's a woman, there is nothing you can do about it. Nature made it so.

Women of these days trying to direct the affairs of their family while in their husbands house. Stay single, no. Stay married, no.

I'm not disputing the fact that a man marries a woman. I'm just saying let's learn to put ourselves in each other's shoes. The husband should try to understand the reason behind his wives actions and vice versa. Understanding is key in any relationship

Bro, can you take this very bold step?
File for divorce and let's see if her brain won't reset.. It's a matter of time if you allow your wife's aunt to continue this nonsense in your marriage and your wife falling for " she trained me for 18yrs" I pray you don't develop Hbp and die prematurely.

Don't try to be in everybody's good . Sometimes people need to see your other side to gain full respect.

uyimen:
Good day,
Pls help me with ur advice , i know u wont be shy to tell me if am wrong.

I got married to my dream wife, she lived with a relative for 18yrs who she also called mummy, she have a biological mother, who saw her through school (university level) though she was living with this Aunty.

Problem started when i came to marry her , the Aunty was hostile, she kept coming up with issue to paint me bad. I was repeatedly called to come and explain irrelevant provocative issues sure as why i travelled to inform my wife biological mother of my wedding plans. After the bride price payment and rites duly performed, She still made me perform an additional party which she called a traditional marriage outing party in her compound. All these i did for peace sake. No one including family members, husband children or even my wife ,dear opposes her to caution her ..In all these my wife kept on saying *she stayed with her for 18yrs.*
Worst of all u latter gathered from friends that this said Aunty was laying curses on us during the marriage, that the marriage will fail and my wife will return to her with tales of martial wows.
Then she warned me to stop calling her mummy. In all these my wife was always in tears through the honeymoon.
I ignored just becos i knew after the marriage things will change. This Aunty feed my wife with all forms of manipulative desires to set us up. and even requesting feedbacks from her in some case, words here are not enough to explain all.

To my surprise two yrs into the marriage this said Aunty and her children are still key important figures in my wife live, they have access to her and my home at will, somethings they plan visits when am at work.

Each of there visits leave us in weeks of quarrels . now its me my wife blames.

Friends what do i do now, my wife insists that because of 18yrs of living with them so i should let go and pretend nothing ever went wrong.
Pls advise me.

How would u like if ur wife quarreled with ur mom or a motherly figure in ur life? Let’s be considerate in how we handle situations.

Ur wife cannot quarrel or breake up with her mother/motherly figure because of u.

Learn to know how and when to adjust.

Compromises should be made by both of u not just one person.

uyimen:
Good day,
Pls help me with ur advice , i know u wont be shy to tell me if am wrong.

I got married to my dream wife, she lived with a relative for 18yrs who she also called mummy, she have a biological mother, who saw her through school (university level) though she was living with this Aunty.

Problem started when i came to marry her , the Aunty was hostile, she kept coming up with issue to paint me bad. I was repeatedly called to come and explain irrelevant provocative issues sure as why i travelled to inform my wife biological mother of my wedding plans. After the bride price payment and rites duly performed, She still made me perform an additional party which she called a traditional marriage outing party in her compound. All these i did for peace sake. No one including family members, husband children or even my wife ,dear opposes her to caution her ..In all these my wife kept on saying *she stayed with her for 18yrs.*
Worst of all u latter gathered from friends that this said Aunty was laying curses on us during the marriage, that the marriage will fail and my wife will return to her with tales of martial wows.
Then she warned me to stop calling her mummy. In all these my wife was always in tears through the honeymoon.
I ignored just becos i knew after the marriage things will change. This Aunty feed my wife with all forms of manipulative desires to set us up. and even requesting feedbacks from her in some case, words here are not enough to explain all.

To my surprise two yrs into the marriage this said Aunty and her children are still key important figures in my wife live, they have access to her and my home at will, somethings they plan visits when am at work.

Each of there visits leave us in weeks of quarrels . now its me my wife blames.

Friends what do i do now, my wife insists that because of 18yrs of living with them so i should let go and pretend nothing ever went wrong.
Pls advise me.

Eventuay your wife will have to choose between you and them.

bummyla:
Welcome to my world! My wife said she would rather leave this fucking marriage, than curtail her association with her divorced aunty that brought her to Lagos, her evil elder sister that has refused to marry and her friends.

Every day new wahala!

Bros there is not much you can do, than to put your feet down like I did!

I dont want them in my house! I dont want them, If I come back and see they came, I call them and warn them. Thank God the boys and the men are by my side, I will call the boys and the men to warn them too.

Every place will be on fire for a while!

Finally she will ruin your marriage like they ruined mine, but dont worry, if she is your wife her eyes will open.

Madam, even this evening called, was bagging me, to come and take her back, to the house, but I no gree! Make she enjoy their company very very! She don stay one year with them now, my plan is that she will stay two years with them. I learnt tension is getting high over there! If they no fight, I no go come carry am. Period!

After while we are going to relocate very far from them

What if someone is sleeping with ur wife while she's away from u?

Doesnt that disturb u?

jaxxy:
How would u like if ur wife quarreled with ur mom or a motherly figure in ur life? Let’s be considerate in how we handle situations.

Ur wife cannot quarrel or breake up with her mother/motherly figure because of u.

Learn to know how and when to adjust.

Compromises should be made by both of u not just one person.

You really dont know how destructive relatives ( even mothers) can be to your home.

akinade28:
Op, I want you to "put yourself in your wife's shoes". You need to understand that women are often emotionally attached to their family members especially those that raised them, it is usually difficult to break the bond suddenly because of marriage. Everyone has that evil crazy extended family member, but we don't throw them away just because they are bad, we just establish caution when relating with them, blood is thicker than water. She has known this woman all her life and see the aunt as her second mother, forcing her to break all ties will put her in a very difficult position ( that's how you get a bitter wife). She might hold it against you in the future especially when relating to your own family members. However, you can relocate to a different place where it will be difficult them to have free access to your house. Then, you can tell her to reduce communication with them to the barest minimum.
To nairalanders with their baised and one sided advice. Assuming it was a woman that came to seek advice on the case of her husband's evil aunt who practically raised him for 18 years, but didn't like her nor wanted him to marry her, so she laid curses on her during the wedding ceremony but she and her children still comes to the house at will after the wedding. The advice will be completely different. You will hear things like " forgive her, she is like a mother to your husband", " no wife should separate a man from his relatives irrespective of what they have done", " you have to learn to accommodate your husband's relatives" etc.
Most of you guys can't take half of what you dish out.
Just because we are women doesn't mean no one ever sacrificed for us, you usually forget that someone raised your wives, they paid the price and invested so much in them to that level that you got married to them. If they had not sacrifice for them, you won't have gotten that beautiful woman you call your wife today.

shut up

Mercychen:
This your story ehn.. e dey pain brain.

If I got you right, you want your wife to disconnect from her aunty?

Well, it will be very difficult because like you said, she was with her for 18yrs. That's a long time to form an unbreakable bond, that's why she can't detach her self easily from her.

I'll advise you relocate to a place they'll not be able to access your house easily. That's the only thing I think can put a stop to all these.

Perfect......

lereinter:
You saw all the writings on the wall you still went ahead



You spend and overspend still na curse


That one na witch.

you better increase your prayers with genuine men of God

which is genuine man of God

He should increase in his prayer standing on the foundation of the word of God no man of God can save him only God can save him

I think you are not alone in this kind of situation that teste your firmness as a man. I like the advice the @eazzy offered in which he said you should close the gap between yourself and the biological mother of your wife, by closing that gap, you invite your real mother-in-law to your life and your wife's life and that one will tell her the truth all the time. Her Aunty wants to maintain a domineering position in your wifes' life and it will be hard for you to break the bond SUDDENLY. That's not gonna happen ESPECIALLY if you try to force it. But funny enough if you let them be and you focus on your work and personal development, you will stop noticing their bulls**t. In fact as soon as you stop talking about the matter for more than 3 months in a row, it will be your wife that will wake up to what is happening in her life. So, stop trying to force the situation and let things take care of themselves. I also noticed you did not mention any children, get busy in that department, by the time she has two to keep her days occupied, she will do what women are naturally born to do- focus on herself. I wish you the best in this your manhood defining fight. Just remember that you can win the fight and loose the war. Focus on the big picture.

Jaqenhghar:
You really dont know how destructive relatives ( even mothers) can be to your home.

I know and even ur own brothers or sisters can be a problem bt u as a couple should talk it out with objectively and with some consideration.

U can make anyone abandon their family completely because of u. It’s wrong.

Mercychen:
This your story ehn.. e dey pain brain.

If I got you right, you want your wife to disconnect from her aunty?

Well, it will be very difficult because like you said, she was with her for 18yrs. That's a long time to form an unbreakable bond, that's why she can't detach her self easily from her.

I'll advise you relocate to a place they'll not be able to access your house easily. That's the only thing I think can put a stop to all these.

lmao it is not even about disconnecting… once you get married some people have to stay off your home period, even the mother that gave birth to you… she is not needed in your home for whatsoever reasons only if she’s called upon. Wtf is this comment? Why does someone has to have a say in my home? Lmao wonder, na ment e go be sha

akinade28:
I'm not disputing the fact that a man marries a woman. I'm just saying let's learn to put ourselves in each other's shoes. The husband should try to understand the reason behind his wives actions and vice versa. Understanding is key in any relationship

There is no understanding here. It is the "understanding" that brought the situation to this point. If you know a thing about marriage, the first should be that newly married couple are to focus only on themselves the first five years of marriage - no in law or extended family. It is too early to be having problems like this, and there should not be any understanding of outside influence more than the new home you want to build. I hope you will ask the wife to understand the man when he goes after another woman?

aog:
Please pray about it and God will give you victory. Tell your wife about leaving and cleaving to you.

We are still waiting for your prayers to turn Nigeria to an El Dorado..

Ogbeni..

If you have advice to give,give..

jaxxy:
How would u like if ur wife quarreled with ur mom or a motherly figure in ur life? Let’s be considerate in how we handle situations.

Ur wife cannot quarrel or breake up with her mother/motherly figure because of u.

Learn to know how and when to adjust.

Compromises should be made by both of u not just one person.

Then her new family is not important/priority to her. That's a new form of cheating bro. It's not a joke when the Bible said couple should "leave" their mother and father and "cleave" to themselves.

mega13:
my beloved, my advice for you is to keep calm and be prayerful, most importantly, relocate from your present residential address to a place quite distance away from where supposedly unfriendly in-law shouldn't assessed your location easily. Moreover, I advised that the love or Bond you shared with your dearest wife should be on the increase though it will be difficult for her to let go of a family member whom has accommodated for good eighteen years. more grace my brother!.

Will she not tell them the new address?

uyimen:
Good day,
Pls help me with ur advice , i know u wont be shy to tell me if am wrong.

I got married to my dream wife, she lived with a relative for 18yrs who she also called mummy, she have a biological mother, who saw her through school (university level) though she was living with this Aunty.

Problem started when i came to marry her , the Aunty was hostile, she kept coming up with issue to paint me bad. I was repeatedly called to come and explain irrelevant provocative issues sure as why i travelled to inform my wife biological mother of my wedding plans. After the bride price payment and rites duly performed, She still made me perform an additional party which she called a traditional marriage outing party in her compound. All these i did for peace sake. No one including family members, husband children or even my wife ,dear opposes her to caution her ..In all these my wife kept on saying *she stayed with her for 18yrs.*
Worst of all u latter gathered from friends that this said Aunty was laying curses on us during the marriage, that the marriage will fail and my wife will return to her with tales of martial wows.
Then she warned me to stop calling her mummy. In all these my wife was always in tears through the honeymoon.
I ignored just becos i knew after the marriage things will change. This Aunty feed my wife with all forms of manipulative desires to set us up. and even requesting feedbacks from her in some case, words here are not enough to explain all.

To my surprise two yrs into the marriage this said Aunty and her children are still key important figures in my wife live, they have access to her and my home at will, somethings they plan visits when am at work.

Each of there visits leave us in weeks of quarrels . now its me my wife blames.

Friends what do i do now, my wife insists that because of 18yrs of living with them so i should let go and pretend nothing ever went wrong.
Pls advise me.

Your wife is very stupid and you are too patient. It seams your wife wants to go back to her aunt to continue where she stopped from the 18yrs. What rubbish!
Hmm! If na me eh,....I trust myself.

Obynolee:
What type of bond are you talking about?, is the wife too dumb to realise that the aunt didn't mean well for her?,even if they relocated to a far distance, the wife will still be communicating to her(someone who said that she will destroy your marriage?), the wife is to blame for being dumb,who takes her martial issues to a third party if not a child?.

Ungodly:
lmao it is not even about disconnecting… once you get married some people have to stay off your home period, even the mother that gave birth to you… she is not needed in your home for whatsoever reasons only if she’s called upon. Wtf is this comment? Why does someone has to have a say in my home? Lmao wonder, na ment e go be sha

In this case, they need to go far away from her reach (@ least physically) as it is obvious the aunty has a strong influence on the lady and can easily manipulate her as long as they still come in physical contact with each other.

uyimen:
Just to add that initially there was nothing i did not do humanly possible to please these people name it. All to no avail.

Tell your wife to choose between you and the woman? What's the biological mother saying? The elders nko?