₦airaland Forum

lexy2014:
Ask your parents that gave birth to u if u are an achievement

Supreme145:
There is this motion that giving birth to children is an achievement in this country. I see young guys in mid and late twenties rushing into marriage while they are barely standing on their feet. From someone that comes from a family of 10 I'm sure if my dad is given a second chance he won't give birth as much children again. Let me share some of my experiences as regards giving birth without proper planning or sustainable income.

I've a neighbor in my compound, he's 32 and in his final year in the university, I can hardly have decent conversation with him without hearing about how he wants to get married. I would always remind him that he's living in a one room apartment, still a student without a strong source of income, but he would counter me saying that he can always start small and grow with his wife. Moreover when he gives birth he would have an investment.

I've have another friend that was a classmate in secondary school, he graduated the year I got admission though he had some issues with his results. One day he called me that he's married and I was surprised, though he is an artisan into all those parapets and pop stuffs I know he wasn't financially buoyant enough to carry a family. The last time I visited him he was looking malnourished and unable to sort out his issues in school almost four years after because according to him any money that he gets already has a pending issue waiting for it. He's looking far older than his elder brother who's still single, he looks 38 when he's just 30. He consoled himself by telling me that even if he doesn't have money he already has two kids which he sees an investment and a great achievement. Meanwhile they are cramped into a single room apartment and none of the kids are enrolled in school.

Last week while we were training in the evening, an argument broke out between two young guys. I was just by the side observing what was happening, I kept hearing stuffs like....why you dey argue with that guy? you no know say na person father he be? that guy don born two children o abi you think say e easy to born, na big achievement be that o. Now this is a guy that is about 25 years and has no sustainable means of income, he works in peoples farms and other menial jobs to make ends meet.

My next door married neighbor has become a torn in my flesh, he's always borrowing from me without paying so it's obvious he's struggling financially, factor in the constant arguments with his wife due to shortage of funds all the time. I once asked him why rushed to get married without a good source of income and he bluntly told me that he had always been broke while he was single and still broke now that he's married the only difference is that he can boast of his kids as an achievement unlike when he was single that he had nothing to boast of.

I have no issues what so ever with how anyone choose to life their life but considering the economic condition of this country now bringing in kids without proper plans is not the way to go. If my dad had given birth to maybe 3 kids I'm sure he wouldn't be stressed out the way he is now and the resources used in training 8 kids would be better managed on just 3kids.

Personally I feel that one of the surest way to perpetual poverty as a young guy is to get married while struggling financially. Like one of the examples above, he cast aside his personal development and aspirations just to cater for his family. Supposing he's still single I'm sure he would have cleared he's outstanding school fees and maybe get his certificate.

Well since I'm still single and still struggling I don't judge anybody, every mallam to his kettle. As for me no marriage till I'm financially stable enough to afford at least 3 bedroom flat, a small car and substantial savings. It would be an abomination for me to bring a child into this world to pass through the kind of life I had growing up.

Dindondin:
Having children is an achievement.
Marrying without good source of income is bad. But it is another topic.

dfrost:
MufasaLion my brother be claiming down. How did your day run or still running?

Dindondin:
Having children is an achievement.
Marrying without good source of income is bad. But it is another topic.

Supreme145:

Omo bro your own pass my own o, e choke 50 years

Klass99:
Where is the blessing in 5 kids when you cannot feed or pay bills and you constantly have to tap others, to help you pay those bills?

This one enter

donbachi:
Op,fyi:

A richman of 60yrs with no child.
And a 3rd world man of 60yrs with children.

No be mate.
#Ahamefula.

ibechris:
U have said it all,in fact, u laid it bar for everyone with sense to learn.
I am 38 years old guy with three children and I can tell u that,time is coming when a child would be bigger responsibility for most parents to care for. The economy is not getting better at all.

Just like u mentioned that u guys were ten in number,my dad had us 5 and I decided to trim mine to the exact number I can feed,educate and nurtured according to my investments and salary. U have been there and that is why u could talk with confidence about matters like this.
My advice is this:
Every man should endeavour to marry an industrious woman becauee the so called one income idea is no longer working for anyone especially now that no one can predicts the future financially. Save to invest and create additional income.

Supreme145:
Well since I'm still single and still struggling I don't judge anybody, every mallam to his kettle. As for me no marriage till I'm financially stable enough to afford at least 3 bedroom flat, a small car and substantial savings. It would be an abomination for me to bring a child into this world to pass through the kind of life I had growing up.

Misterone:
like you rightly said, all mallam with him kettle. You cannot plan life. Live it as it comes. Let me tell you a story. In 1997, when I was in year 3 in a 5 years course, there was this friend of mine who impregnated his girlfriend and insisted on her delivering the baby. It was not easy for this guy and we were laughing at him. We said all what you just said. No marriage or children until ego arrive. Today, that guy has a graduate daughter while us laughers are still with 8 and 9 years old kids at 50. Also, you can have a good job, thinking all is well, get married and then get sacked from work. Do you then send your wife and kids away? Life is not all about what you have but about the potentials and belief in you. That is what makes you a man. If you say you want to make it first, we don't pray for failure but what if you don't make it or it comes very late, then to what end.

tensazangetsu20:
It's better to be 40 and single and poor than 40 and married and poor.

iamkelvincent:
Hey Mr, having children is good but not an
achievement. Religion, poverty and ignorance have made a lot of people blind to this. Some would say who will live on with my name when i die, that's a fool's mindset cause after 5 century's or possibly even less your so called name would have been forgotten. What's having children if you can't take care of them, bringing them to this world to suffer. Most parents or people are 100% selfish to giving birth, all they want is someone to take care of then when they are old, they fucking don't even care about the child coming to suffer.

DoingBetter:
I cannot safely say this to people that know me but I made the decision to be childfree a long time ago. Contrary to popular belief, I found my Soul mate with the same goals here in this country. As unbelievable as it sounds, we both got sterilized before dating. We have some similar reasons for our choices but we also have some different reasons as well. All I know is that I cannot relive the mistakes and hardships of the people before me. Being cf, I can do more for my future nephews and nieces than being preoccupied with my own. Like celibacy can be a calling for some people, parenthood isn't mine. I respect those who can and do so respectfully though... I was still a teen when I asked my mom to advise her friend to start family planning. That family had me worried with the way they kept having kids back to back while struggling to feed daily. Hearing about their situation constantly was disheartening. Somehow though, they always managed to make a new baby before the last one could start walking. I have seen firsthand what poverty can do to a woman who becomes a single parent and have to cater for several children alone. I have lived through it. I have been playing the role of a second parent to my siblings for years. Even now I can't turn it off anymore. Funny thing is that they're somehow better adjusted adults than me. I can't play house anymore. Society be damned. I make my own choices now. I

tensazangetsu20:
Op it's not honestly. It's not even money to take care of kids. Mine is my kids being Nigerian citizens. I will cry myself everyday to sleep. Even dating is so expensive in Nigeria talk less of marriage. Just take a girl out and before you can say jack Robinson 20k is gone whereas me as a single guy will go out and have so much fun for 15k or even 10k. I really don't envy married men especially with all the nonsense I see around me.

ibechris:
U have said it all,in fact, u laid it bar for everyone with sense to learn.
I am 38 years old guy with three children and I can tell u that,time is coming when a child would be bigger responsibility for most parents to care for. The economy is not getting better at all.

Just like u mentioned that u guys were ten in number,my dad had us 5 and I decided to trim mine to the exact number I can feed,educate and nurtured according to my investments and salary. U have been there and that is why u could talk with confidence about matters like this.
My advice is this:
Every man should endeavour to marry an industrious woman becauee the so called one income idea is no longer working for anyone especially now that no one can predicts the future financially. Save to invest and create additional income.

donbachi:
Op,fyi:

A richman of 60yrs with no child.
And a 3rd world man of 60yrs with children.

No be mate.
#Ahamefula.

DSoj:
Do U have to quote the whole long write up? Dopemu

tensazangetsu20:
Yes o. That time I go dey Don enjoy everything I wan enjoy ehen. If I am bored I go marry if not I will just continue enjoyment and flexing.

Kobojunkiee:
Even the most irresponsible among us can have a child. Considering the Nigerian society and poor welfare system, those who choose not to have children are instead achievers.