₦airaland Forum

Machinegun91:
You are a useless woman

This comments is to your innocent mother, sisters, wife or girlfriend. Very useless. I know you're a Gambler. How much money have you made so far? Looking for quick money. Nonsense

aikyg:
How you didn't notice this while you were dating is a big question. Divorcing him may not be an easy decision, since you have a baby coming. Since he doesn't physical abuse you, I'll suggest you both go for counseling

How do you expect her to notice this since when dating She should have been checking his phone Or stay with him 24/7 Dont put the blame on her its not her fault Mr. Man

Op, marriage was never meant for you.It's not a must 4 everyone to get married. You lack all d perquisite of marriage.You should be a Reverend sister,babymama or an ashaawo; its your calling.

loosingfaith519:
I recently discovered my husband has an addiction and I can't stay married to him.
As soon as money enters his hand, he starts funding some online app and start gambling.
We got married last year Nov.
We have needs and plans we agreed to achieve before the end of March. Which a better accommodation is one of our first goal. Our present accommodation is not ok at all.
On my own part, I'm saving to meet up with our Target, but I discovered, he has nothing. He collected contributions last month, over 200k. All that money wasted. He can't account for it.
January salary has entered, he has started wasting it again.

I'm expecting him to provide 300k at the end of this month. So, that when I sum it with mine, we can have over 600k. Get a decent accommodation and invest the rest.
We need to plan, save for our baby, but his attitude with money is not encouraging me.
The truth is, my husband is stressing me for lack of accountability.

Pls, how do I go about a peaceful divorce? I'm confused, because I'm pregnant.

All the things I'm seeing him do, suffocate me.
What do I do?
Pls, advise me.

I dey find woman like u wen go assist her man make life easier, instead nah woman wen dey gladly say my own nah our own her own nah her own.

Mercychen:
That is why they are always looking for a working class lady who can bring to the table so they can continue gambling and spending their own money recklessly. You better dump his ass.

You don't need to go through all that stress of divorcing him because that will drain you mentally and physically except you plan to remarry which is not advisable as most of them are the same. So, just secretly get a place for yourself and unborn child and leave him without warning, before you lose your sanity.

When he's ready to leave the singlehood lifestyle and become a responsible husband, he can come for his family. Otherwise, forget about him. Life is too sweet to let one person keep you in sorrow all the days of your life.

Marriage is overhypped, especially in this generation of overgrown babies in men's skin.

Damn!
U re a bitter and terrible soul.
You even advised her not to remarry because for,all are the same.
The world is sick!

thinkmoney:
People don't date again. They just marry who is available, which is very bad and even selfish

We dated. You can never know he's an addict. He does everything on his phone. And me, I don't look into other people's phone.
Something caught my attention recently and I decided to go through his phone.

loosingfaith519:
I recently discovered my husband has an addiction and I can't stay married to him.
As soon as money enters his hand, he starts funding some online app and start gambling.
We got married last year Nov.
We have needs and plans we agreed to achieve before the end of March. Which a better accommodation is one of our first goal. Our present accommodation is not ok at all.
On my own part, I'm saving to meet up with our Target, but I discovered, he has nothing. He collected contributions last month, over 200k. All that money wasted. He can't account for it.
January salary has entered, he has started wasting it again.

I'm expecting him to provide 300k at the end of this month. So, that when I sum it with mine, we can have over 600k. Get a decent accommodation and invest the rest.
We need to plan, save for our baby, but his attitude with money is not encouraging me.
The truth is, my husband is stressing me for lack of accountability.

Pls, how do I go about a peaceful divorce? I'm confused, because I'm pregnant.

All the things I'm seeing him do, suffocate me.
What do I do?
Pls, advise me.

I wish I could talk to you privately but no need for that. ..

First dont let the many Idiots calling you names and saying nonsense bother you. Most nairalanders are teenagers pretending to be adults.

It is unfortunate you have made the mistake of getting married to a gambler. Note I AM A GAMBLER too and spend nothing less than 300k a month gambling. It is terrible. Sometimes I quit and things improve for me, but within a few months I find myself gambling again.vit is a terrible addiction. Your husband is in deep shit I can tell you and if he does not change soon, be ready to cater for a destitute.


Dont be fooled. Gambling will ruin him totally. I hope he recognizes this and he is honest about changing.

If he keeps lying to you and not showing any sign of changing. Better get real with yourself and divorce him, dont let emotions get the better of you.

Only stay with him if you see him making effort to change.

He should immediately hand money that comes in to you for projects you have planned together if he is honest about changing. This would at least help him control how much he loses to gambling. If he does not like this idea, trust me, he is not ready.

I am carrying my siblings and girlfriend along in my quest to stop gambling and my honestly with them is the only thing helping me cut my losses. An honest gambler seeking to change would not keep money by himself. If he cannot hand over the money he makes, he is not ready to change

To your tenth madam..them never see brand new finish,na tokumbo them go see?? For the last time,be careful.

InvertedHammer:
/
This is bound to happen when people concentrate on profession and income while disregarding expenditures. Someone who makes N5m/month but spends N6m/month is still as broke as it can get.

/

Thank you. You understand what I'm saying.

You're literally saying she should become a single mother even should she divorce her husband.

What kind of person are you

Mercychen:
That is why they are always looking for a working class lady who can bring to the table so they can continue gambling and spending their own money recklessly. You better dump his ass.

You don't need to go through all that stress of divorcing him because that will drain you mentally and physically except you plan to remarry which is not advisable as most of them are the same. So, just secretly get a place for yourself and unborn child and leave him without warning, before you lose your sanity.

When he's ready to leave the singlehood lifestyle and become a responsible husband, he can come for his family. Otherwise, forget about him. Life is too sweet to let one person keep you in sorrow all the days of your life.

Marriage is overhypped, especially in this generation of overgrown babies in men's skin.

Ndidi2:
like u already..
God bless you.

God bless you too madam.
God's divine peace fall on your home in Jesus name.

Messi1997:
What happened to the marital vows you took?
You should be there for him help him overcome his addictions not divorce.
I know personally gambling kills but you as a wife should sit him down and talk to him.

Thank God you know it kills.

Timoleon:
There are two things involved
1. Didn’t you notice the gambling before you got married? If you did, I hardly have empathy for you as you should have known better to not marry him.

2. Considering all of the target set by the both of you, (this is if he wasn’t gambling before you got married) he probably started gambling in hopes that he can make you happy with enough money, in hopes that the winnings will be used to meet up your expectations (your writeup portrays that kind of picture that the expectations are yours although positively, you did mention you were contributing as much as 50% especially towards getting a better apartment).

What to do if no. 2 is your case; call your husband and have a heart talk with him. Your first concern now should be getting him off gambling and not the new apartment or a divorce. Assure him that his sanity is important to you. If he feels pressured to make so much money within a short period, you are sorry. The new apartment can wait. He should work normal as a responsible adult and God will bless the labour of his hands. Assure him that as much as you need money, you’ll never enjoy money he gets from gambling but rather you’d appreciate money he gets from a proper work.

You also mentioned investing the remainder of your funds after getting a new apartment. I don’t know your present living condition but since your 300k is close to being complete, I implore you to invest it and guard the proceeds carefully until you’ve been able to steer your husband clear of gambling. Your sanity is also important and I understand your frustration but you mustn’t give up before you try.

May you find wisdom to help your husband and your family.

Shalom!

What's ur brand of beer?

Ladycewhy:
Drug addicts, drunkards, gamblers, you see these people, they will drain you and possibly sink you with them.

I have real life examples of a gambler and a drunkard. I have seen how the wives and kids of these men struggled emotionally , psychologically, financially.


Some people will tell you it will get better,some will tell you to pray ,some will tell you it's treatable.


Hmmm. Sigh, it's sad you didn't notice it on time. My sister, I will not sugar coat it, if under 4 months things are like this, it won't get better.But hey, yours can be that one in a million cases that turned out good,you never can tell ,hope they say is the only miracle of the poor and down trodden.


If you feel you are assistant Jesus Christ,you can try and save him, but be ready to loose your soul ,sanity,peace and happiness in the process.

Your post reeks of exaggeration & pessimism.

loosingfaith519:
I recently discovered my husband has an addiction and I can't stay married to him.
As soon as money enters his hand, he starts funding some online app and start gambling.
We got married last year Nov.
We have needs and plans we agreed to achieve before the end of March. Which a better accommodation is one of our first goal. Our present accommodation is not ok at all.
On my own part, I'm saving to meet up with our Target, but I discovered, he has nothing. He collected contributions last month, over 200k. All that money wasted. He can't account for it.
January salary has entered, he has started wasting it again.

I'm expecting him to provide 300k at the end of this month. So, that when I sum it with mine, we can have over 600k. Get a decent accommodation and invest the rest.
We need to plan, save for our baby, but his attitude with money is not encouraging me.
The truth is, my husband is stressing me for lack of accountability.

Pls, how do I go about a peaceful divorce? I'm confused, because I'm pregnant.

All the things I'm seeing him do, suffocate me.
What do I do?
Pls, advise me.

See you! You are yet to start the marriage and you're already thinking of quiting.

Just 4 months and you feel it's enough to quit.

My dear, you're a woman endowed with unlimited wisdom. I know if you go inward and ask the Lord for wisdom on how to go about this situation, He will surely grant your request.

You can win your husband to change over time through love, respect and prayers.

He can still turn a new leaf.

Putindbutt:
Your thoughts too abi?.. Merchychen is over 35, single & lonely. You can park your load and go leave with her so that both of you can live your lives embittered together since your mind is already made up.
But if you still want your marriage, you have to take every step to make him stop it. Gambling is addictive but can be stopped. You will have to be a bit more patient while at it, he can't give up what he's been doing for so long at once.

The greatest fear in life is not to stay single, but to be with someone who gives you high blood pressure.

Is better to be single and Happy than to be married and depressed.
How many days do we have to live on Earth?

loosingfaith519:
I recently discovered my husband has an addiction and I can't stay married to him.
As soon as money enters his hand, he starts funding some online app and start gambling.
We got married last year Nov.
We have needs and plans we agreed to achieve before the end of March. Which a better accommodation is one of our first goal. Our present accommodation is not ok at all.
On my own part, I'm saving to meet up with our Target, but I discovered, he has nothing. He collected contributions last month, over 200k. All that money wasted. He can't account for it.
January salary has entered, he has started wasting it again.

I'm expecting him to provide 300k at the end of this month. So, that when I sum it with mine, we can have over 600k. Get a decent accommodation and invest the rest.
We need to plan, save for our baby, but his attitude with money is not encouraging me.
The truth is, my husband is stressing me for lack of accountability.

Pls, how do I go about a peaceful divorce? I'm confused, because I'm pregnant.

All the things I'm seeing him do, suffocate me.
What do I do?
Pls, advise me.

And you think Divorce is the best option..
Please sit down and talk it over that's why your husband
And wife ..

loosingfaith519:
I recently discovered my husband has an addiction and I can't stay married to him.
As soon as money enters his hand, he starts funding some online app and start gambling.
We got married last year Nov.
We have needs and plans we agreed to achieve before the end of March. Which a better accommodation is one of our first goal. Our present accommodation is not ok at all.
On my own part, I'm saving to meet up with our Target, but I discovered, he has nothing. He collected contributions last month, over 200k. All that money wasted. He can't account for it.
January salary has entered, he has started wasting it again.

I'm expecting him to provide 300k at the end of this month. So, that when I sum it with mine, we can have over 600k. Get a decent accommodation and invest the rest.
We need to plan, save for our baby, but his attitude with money is not encouraging me.
The truth is, my husband is stressing me for lack of accountability.

Pls, how do I go about a peaceful divorce? I'm confused, because I'm pregnant.

All the things I'm seeing him do, suffocate me.
What do I do?
Pls, advise me.

No courting? Am surprised you are not aware of his addiction

Mercychen:
That is why they are always looking for a working class lady who can bring to the table so they can continue gambling and spending their own money recklessly. You better dump his ass.

You don't need to go through all that stress of divorcing him because that will drain you mentally and physically except you plan to remarry which is not advisable as most of them are the same. So, just secretly get a place for yourself and unborn child and leave him without warning, before you lose your sanity.

When he's ready to leave the singlehood lifestyle and become a responsible husband, he can come for his family. Otherwise, forget about him. Life is too sweet to let one person keep you in sorrow all the days of your life.

Marriage is overhypped, especially in this generation of overgrown babies in men's skin.

Op no say them no tell you o. He's never gonna stop and this is the beginning of you doing everything for the family alone. It will get to point when he will bully you, collect your money and gamble it away. Find your way now when you are still just you and a baby on the way.

My dear, marriage is a very complex thing. You must encounter what would make you to quit but your attitude towards such problem is what make the difference.
What assurance do you have that when you divorce him that you would get another husband that will have a better character than him?
Sit him down express your disapproval over his gambling attitude and tell him the implications of his actions.
Suggest joint account with him where your savings for a particular project should be deposited.

jeff1607:
She would have known before marriage, it’s so easy to know one especially if they are dating, how can a lady marry a man who isn’t open with his expenses and his movement c’mon, plus his movement during weekends, they way he follows up on scores not actual matches, unless they didn’t court or he was spending unnecessarily and she did ask questions, a lady who is truly matured and concerned is usually worried about her man’s finances take for instance she notices his house is usually stocked with food stuffs by month end then suddenly either the pantry is empty or he’s buying half of what he usually buy she should know there’s something wrong somewhere.

There are so many pointers to know while dating hence some ladies when they see such traits they just break up with such a guy and he would say “the lady just ghosted him or walked away”

Haba at bolded how many times have we all read on this forum where the male gender always state they should not allow their wives know their financial worth and you are talking about fiancee here, don't check phone don't do this don't do that. Don't declare your income, don't declare your expenses to her don't this don't that.

Some men don't even declare to their wives nau.

If she goes about asking too much about how he spends his money, she will be called a leeach that can't make her own this and that.

How would she have known he was gambling online. It's just a click away.

Try not to blame the lady now you are saying a lady that is matured this and that, she's just unlucky to have fallen into his hands.

Point is it is very possible for her not to know he's very financially reckless except by divine intervention.

It's not safe to marry someone not open financially but then most men don't even think they should open up.

U think u don't have your own flaws that he is managing. They are measures u can put in place to help him. U aren't yet matured for marriage

This makes sense.

The lady should inform his confidant in his family. They may need to intervene in planning his income/finances by starting with separating 1) family upkeep money, 2) savings for baby money, 3) general savings for family project, and 4) flex-money (not more than 10-15%) that he is free to do whatever he likes with including gambling. This is assuming the lady wants to save the marriage because down the line she might regret quitting too early.

The flex money percentage can continue to be reduced over a period of time until it fizzles out eventually. In all, his little progress every step of the way should be celebrated to further encourage him. He should change.

aikyg:
How you didn't notice this while you were dating is a big question. Divorcing him may not be an easy decision, since you have a baby coming. Since he doesn't physical abuse you, I'll suggest you both go for counseling

Putindbutt:
[s][Rich men play sports betting too. fool

[/s]

Oponu are you rich? You don't even have a job. What percentage of rich men gamble, do you have that data? Re.tarded clown, so you're making up bogus data to justify you gambling, who the hell cares? Jobless i.diot keep gambling your life away, who's stopping you? But making up stupid 79% of men gamble crap. Go tell that to your illiterate village people.

chukwuibuipob:
conFUSED pipu with their conFUSED Nollywood story.

Ewu canada

I'm sorry you're going through this. Addiction is a very serious matter and it isn't something to be "worked" on like a lot of people are advising you neither can you just "pray" it away.
The person involved should first admit that he has a problem and be willing to get help. It's sad that many people on nairaland do not know how terrible gambling is either because they gamble or they've become used to such dysfunctional mentality.
Look out for the best time, when he's in the best mood and let him know that he needs help. Get your Pastor or priest or anyone he respects involved. You need to act quick before his bad behavior drives you nuts in your condition. There are low-cost online counsellors you can seek for help too.
If after everything, he doesn't get better you can take any decision you deem fit bearing in mind that any bad behavior not corrected would become acceptable even to your children and it will become a vicious cycle of dysfunction.
God's grace.

heniford2:
the Pressure you guys put on guys its just to much, u want to move to a bigger apartment and after that start begging again, the pressure has made him to start gambling your trying to say doing those days u where dating him he was not addicted to it, he paid ur bridal price abi did wedding right

You don't need to comments. Because you're taking this to be war between gender. How was he pressured here? You can't comment on a post you have not properly read.

jeff1607:
She would have known before marriage, it’s so easy to know one especially if they are dating, how can a lady marry a man who isn’t open with his expenses and his movement c’mon, plus his movement during weekends, they way he follows up on scores not actual matches, unless they didn’t court or he was spending unnecessarily and she did ask questions, a lady who is truly matured and concerned is usually worried about her man’s finances take for instance she notices his house is usually stocked with food stuffs by month end then suddenly either the pantry is empty or he’s buying half of what he usually buy she should know there’s something wrong somewhere.

There are so many pointers to know while dating hence some ladies when they see such traits they just break up with such a guy and he would say “the lady just ghosted him or walked away”

Is that not what most men want?

A woman who doesn't ask questions about their money and how they spend it. A woman who doesn't ask for their phone password or even go through their phone.

That right there is what most of you young men of these days want.

I wish I can meet a lady like u who is willing to plan and build together with her man....

Na so so those looking for rich man I dey see

loosingfaith519:
You don't need to comments. Because you're taking this to be war between gender. How was he pressured here? You can't comment on a post you have not properly read.

when she started dating him did she not notice that his a gambler or she just noticed it recently

15ssDRIVE:
Dear Sister,
Just make sure you get a good phone, go to the next betting center. Devote 2-3 days, record them with their high spirit when they come betting. Be sure you got enough time to record them after getting their obituary loosing result.

In 2 -3 days you will not be angry, but you will be pitying your man. Abeg play the video for him after family time, at least you guys still have some Short chit chat.

You can also send him data first, and then the videos.

Too bad. When I see stories online, I usually forward to him to read other people's life gambling experience, but he always behalf as if he's exempted