Pardon my grammatical errors
A lot of people who regretted getting married to their spouse can attest to the fact that they saw the "red flags" but they insist on continuing the relationship and getting married.
Why do people do this ? Married men/women, single ladies/guys,what make/made you to think of marriage even after the red flags
A girl continues a relationship or marry a guy that beats her often,cheats on her unrepentantly,abuse her and disrespects her.
A guy continues a relationship where he sees the girl cheats,lies and disrespect him. Sometimes you know there are things you can't naturally tolerate but you tolerate them in relationship and eventually when you get married,you want those things you tolerated in your marriage to stop. That is impossible!
I know you can't marry someone that is 80 percent a version of you. But you must know what you can cope with

Why do people get married with someone they saw "red flags" ?

Love is Blind

Ahmed0336:
Love is Blind

Lol...

D'banj said "I dey see well well but them say love I blind oo" so, love is not blind to that extent.

For me ooo,
1.They still go ahead to get married to the person simply because, they feel I can change him or her from these attitudes once we marry. Forgetting the fact that you're not God that has the power to change anything.

2. For the guys they're more concern about the outward appearance, then the attitude inward beauty.
She carry front...
She carry back...
She took packaged...
I can't leave her...
And so on.

For the ladies,
He has six packs
Tall and handsome
His trouser has huge d!ck packed inside
And most importantly, he's loaded.


So they go ahead and marry. After 3months, they will come to nairaland and start complaining with headline such as

..Help, my spouse is promiscuous
..Help my wife is toxic
..My husband comes home late and this happened
..and so on and so on


And my advice to them will be you saw the red flag, yet u went ahead and married him or her. So, carry your cross. If I try for my advice, I go tell the person tell it to God in prayers. But, even God himself warned you by showing you the red flags, you choose to follow your way.

Most of them says that they were blinded by love.

As a guy , you see how a girl nags, lazy, demanding money excessively, you still go ahead to marry her only for you to come after three months of your marriage to complained bitterly here on nairaland that you need advise.


Same thing with a girl, you see a guy that follows everything on skirt, lies, at any slightest provocation he beat you to pulp, lazy around, you still go ahead and accept his proposal with the mindset that as time goes he will change. you're just being deluded.

Anyways, still waiting patiently for my prince charming.

Ahmed0336:
Love is Blind

marriage is an eye opener.

Most of them are either desperate or rushing.

I created a thread early January this year seeking for an advice about how my boyfriend is keeping malice with his father for over 3 years, even till today without opening up to me about what actually happened. Mind you he's a great guy with good qualities. But I saw that "malice" as a big red flag. But most nairalanders were saying Men are scares, you better continue with the relationship.

What if we had little misunderstanding in marriage will he forgive me or keep malice with me for years? If he can't forgive his father despite I've tried severally to talk to him politely, will he even forgive me? That was a very big red flag for me. I don't want to feel lonely in marriage.

If you're in a potential relationship and he/she is displaying some unwanted characters and you're seeing the signal clearly that it's a red flag but you're hoping he/she is gonna change, hmmm.. Honestly it's not easy to change a full grown man/woman. Don't give yourself false hope he/she will change.

Being in a Relationship is not all about Intercourse But interview. What do you do during an interview? You have a chance to communicate and study each other personality and character, it would be so easy to detect red flags. Don't be carried away by sex, money and gifts.

They believe they'll change when married. Forgetting that once a soldier ant, always a soldier ant

Jennyclay:
.

Say something na...are you concerned the topic is really speaking to you?

On the women part, many of them would marry men they know are not right for them because they're desperate and/or he's got a fat pocket.

On the men part, they're simply stupid!

because of the bedroom skills they got and care they give. these are what blind their reasoning

Hezzyluv:

Lol...

D'banj said "I dey see well well but them say love I blind oo" so, love is not blind to that extent.

1. For me ooo, they still go ahead to get married to the person simply because, they feel I can change him or her from these attitudes once we marry. Forgetting the fact that you're not God that has the power to change anything.

2. For the guys they're more concern about the outward appearance, then the attitude inward beauty.
She carry front...
She carry back...
She took packaged...
I can't leave her...
And so on.

For the ladies,
He has six packs
Tall and handsome
His trouser has huge d!ck packed inside
And most importantly, he's loaded.


So they go ahead and marry. After 3months, they will come to nairaland and start complaining with headline such as

..Help, my spouse is promiscuous
..Help my wife is toxic
..My husband comes home late and this happened
..and so on and so on


And my advice to them will be you saw the red light and yet, u went ahead and married him or her. So, carry your cross.

No be everybody head dey work when in love. Some are naturally programmed that way.

Shortage of others with sense.

Ahmed0336:


No be everybody head dey work when in love. Some are naturally programmed that way.

Then, if they are programmed that way, they should take what they see that way.

Some go in with the mentality of "e go change one day"
Well some actually do change,but if that red flag is so great and after giving d person a considerable amount of tym and he/she doesn't change b4 marriage, my brother/sister Omo dem nor go change o

Love is blind but na marriage dey open am.

They thought it's flaws they could leave with .

Arkmanbuddy:



Say something na...are you concerned the topic is really speaking to you?

sorry Dear, I was typing

Lack of common sense

My brother na so me I see my own red flags oo.. family warn me I no hear...papa warn me I no hear...brothers and sisters warn me I know hear...Las Las we Don go out seperate ways ooo...make person no die for nothing... atleast am a happy man now...four years wasted..God is good all the time...now I don wash eye with Klin and hypo join..

The following are the reasons;
1)Love is blind
2) Second chance can change him or her
3)They can change with time and so from relationship they graduate into marriage still waiting for the change
4)The heart knows where it belongs and so they fear getting married to the wrong person.
5) Strong soul connection.
6)Make I manage the one wey I don see after all all die na die
7) Desperation and pressure from self, family, friends etc

Jennyclay:
I created a thread early January this year seeking for an advice about how my boyfriend is keeping malice with his father for over 3 years, even till today without opening up to me about what actually happened. Mind you he's a great guy with good qualities. But I saw that "malice" as a big red flag. But most nairalanders were saying Men are scares, you better continue with the relationship.

What if we had little misunderstanding in marriage will he forgive me or keep malice with me for years? If he can't forgive his father despite I've tried severally to talk to him politely, will he even forgive me? That was a very big red flag for me. I don't want to feel lonely in marriage.

If you're in a potential relationship and he/she is displaying some unwanted characters and you're seeing the signal clearly that it's a red flag but you're hoping he/she is gonna change, hmmm.. Honestly it's not easy to change a full grown man/woman. Don't give yourself false hope he/she will change.

Being in a Relationship is not all about Intercourse But interview. What do you do during an interview? You have a chance to communicate and study each other personality and character, it would be so easy to detect red flags. Don't be carried away by sex, money and gifts.

Well said...

Not forgiving family members and other people on a long-term basis
is negative energy and not a
virtue.

wealthtrak:

Well said.
Not forgiving long-term is negative
energy and not a virtue.

i resonate with this. Anyone who cannot forgive is not a true christian.

sometimes you need to overlook some errors... Happy marriage is made of
30%forgiveness
40%love
30%trust
once you are in love you will be ready to trust and if he makes mistake you forgive and you have to keep forgiving to make sure you both will continue to be happy

Because they were Fùcking. After Marriage sex reduces and eyes are opened

Cutehector:
i resonate with this. Anyone who cannot forgive is not a true christian.

Yup! @Cutehector,
I was even speaking of forgiveness
being a virtue or universal principle which applies to all of mankind
regardless of a person's faith.

There's a lot of negative energy expended on hating, and you become a mental slave to the person you have chosen not to forgive. Better to calmly tell those
who have offended you how you
feel then let go (while respecting yourself and others), even if they
don't say sorry immediately,
they'll come around.

It's NOT stupidity to forgive, it's
also for one's personal health
because stress hormones like cortisol are released by the body leading to a high-blood pressure, kidney failure, eye damage and blindness due to increased eye pressure and other costly debilitating diseases!

All the best.

No one is perfect. Everybody has that red flag traits in them. All we need to do is to manage the red Flag of our partner hope he/she would change.

How are you sure you're not gonna see worse red flag out there, if you eventually end the relationship?

Francisanointed:
Pardon my grammatical errors
A lot of people who regretted getting married to their spouse can attest to the fact that they saw the "red flags" but they insist on continuing the relationship and getting married.
Why do people do this ? Married men/women, single ladies/guys,what make/made you to think of marriage even after the red flags...
Why do people get married with someone they saw "red flags" ?

There are truly no red-flagless relationships or marriages out there. Every marriage, good or bad, has them. Instead, people are meant to accept or tolerate those red-flags where possible..

What we do in every single relationship is access the possible risks of the red-flags a possible partner comes to the table with, and decide if the burden is bearable or not at that point. This is why I think It is not really correct to go asking others about the weight of potential red-flags because in the end, only You can and should best access that for yourself.

Kobojunkie:
There are truly no red-flagless relationships or marriages out there. Every marriage, good or bad, has them. Instead, people are meant to accept or tolerate those red-flags where possible..

What we do in every single relationship is access the possible risks of the red-flags a possible partner comes to the table with, and decide if the burden is bearable or not at that point. This is why I think It is not really correct to go asking others about the weight of potential red-flags because in the end, only You can and should best access that for yourself.

Exactly my point. No one is perfect

Just imagine catching someone who is cheating on you on multiple occasion and you chose to forgive because of love and the person is still into cheating, but u feel the person will change because the person told you that in their tribe once you are married,she cannot cheat because it will affect her. So you will marry and hope she will stop cheating because of the above. Cheating is already a big red flag but you love her and you feel because of what she told you about the above,you can marry her

Francisanointed:
Just imagine catching someone who is cheating on you on multiple occasion and you chose to forgive because of love and the person is still into cheating, but u feel the person will change because the person told you that in their tribe once you are married,she cannot cheat because it will affect her. So you will marry and hope she will stop cheating because of the above. Cheating is already a big red flag but you love her and you feel because of what she told you about the above,you can marry her

What do you mean by the statement in bold?

Kobojunkie:
What do you mean by the statement in bold?

In some tradition,it is forbidden that a woman should cheat. When she cheats,there is bound to be consequences

Francisanointed:

In some tradition,it is forbidden that a woman should cheat. When she cheats,there is bound to be consequences

Surely you are old enough to realize those are all myths, faboos , right?

So why would a grown individual put his or her trust in a faboo where marital cheating is concerned?