₦airaland Forum

ParpahSeventy:
Very interesting thread, reading it this morning was a sort of delay but I had to.
For me, there are no written rules anywhere about what to ask and what not to ask, so I ask whatever I feel and I will answer whatever you like, be it on a first date or whatever, a lady once asked me for some money some two years ago, the sum was quite and a close friend was getting married and we as friends and associates had to turn and for me he was really close so I had to do better coupled with an ongoing project I couldn't let that money out that day not even the next day, so I asked this lady what do you want to do with that money, me trying to ascertain if I can delay it for like 3 days, her reply was, "don't ask a girl what she wants to do with money", that was the end of that conversation, if a rule says I shouldn't ask you what to do with money that rule should also tell you not to ask me for money. In a nutshell people especially ladies feel embarrassed when certain questions are put forward to them, so "gentlemen" didn't want them to feel embarrassed again so they put up those shitty rules, for me am not a "gentleman".
It's not as if they don't enjoy these conversations but getting into it they feel weird, I met a lady who was 28 years old, at her age with the kind of upbringing she had, it's embarrassing to her to talk about sex, she can't tell you on chat she wants to shower, never, she can't tell you she is pressed, any discussion that will lead to boobs or booty, or private organs she avoids like plague as a result of that she doesn't even know what the words like "body count" "Mouth Action" "head" means, all the guys in her life knew her like this and kept that standard, they were trying to ask her out she was turning them, when I came into the picture, I had to defy the odds and make her talk about those things and exposed her, till we called it quits I didn't ask her out (some of those stupid guys have been begging for years) but to her I was like the best thing that happened to her.
She was always in a rush to bring up such discussions because to her surprise she enjoyed talking about them.
Nice write up Op.

optm:
It takes some level of trust to divulge certain truths about yourself to someone. The question i want to ask the op is , is it wise to trust someone you are just meeting? Some things about yourself ain't meant for just everyone. You cannot know someone just in a day. You can only have an idea of what their personality is like from such meetings which may not be absolute truth . If you want to know everything about me in a few meetings, i see it as you having a preconceived ulterior motive else , why the rush ? I am usually weary of such people

Pukkalolo:
Thanks for your feedback...

I didn't say one should try to know everything about someone just in a day of meeting them, and it doesn't make sense to just tell someone everything about yourself in just one day...


My point is, there are some important things you should find about a person before getting too involved with them.

I have friend who dated a lady for 4 months...after they broke up and became just friends... One night he introduced her to me. In just few days of conversation with her, she has already told me things that she didn't even tell the guy she dated(my friend).

That's because I asked her key questions that naturally led her to open up...This made me and her more closer and comfortable with each other

For example, you won't really get to know a lady by asking her "where do live or what state are you from?"... You can even get answers to those questions if you go through her social media....but if you ask her something like "have you ever been cheated on or heartbroken by someone you love?" This question might probably inspire her to open up about some things about her self.

I believe you get my point.

NamelessOGBENI:
The fact that the man is a redpiller makes the journey smooth sailing.

I used to be an over analyzer before and after every relationships I've been to and I can tell you for free that every of your words ring a bell. I know it's kind of hard coming off being a bit unemotional in this crazy word but I discovered something along the line, once you can feign the unemotional part in your relationship very well you're on your way to great thing.

Once again, kudos to the writer and I had to bookmark this just to relieve your words again

Pukkalolo:
I went out on a date with my crush. After the date I arrived home feeling good. My big bro (cousin) who l was staying with at that time saw my happy face when I got home. I was very young, inexperienced and naive at that time.

He asked me how the date went. I said, "It was very fantastic, we gisted and laughed alot; it was very fun."
My cousin said, "Wow! That's good...but I wanna ask you one question."

He asked me a very weird question.

He said, "Throughout your date with her today, did you pissed her off or upset her in anyway?"

I said, "Big bro, I don't understand your question... I told you my date with my crush went great and you're asking me if I got her upset.... of course, I did not upset her."

Then he asked another weird question.

He said, " if you did not upset her, then how did you know the date really went great?"

"Now I'm confuse. Is it not when she happy and not upset that I know the date went great... she's my crush, why would I try to upset her."

My big bro said, "you can only truly know a person when they are angry or experiencing tension."

His last statement make some sense though, but I wasn't still cool with the part were he said I should pissed her off her so I can truly know her.
That one sound very silly to me.

Then he said, "I can predict how you and your crush will end up."

"Please tell me," I said.

He said , "She's going to break your heart"

I laughed his statement off.

Few days later, I asked my crush to be my girlfriend, she said, "let's just be friends....you are really nice guy to me."

After intensed persuasion and "pleading' for days, she later agreed to be my girlfriend. But our relationship didn't last long. 2 weeks after we started dating, she was back to her ex.
I felt really bad. She broke my heart. My big bro prediction came to pass.


Ok, this incidence happened years ago.

Years later, I have gotten more experienced and wiser.

Last 2 month, I was at a mall. I saw a lady and guy taking pictures together. From their demeanor, I could tell they were not really couples or anything of such. When the guy got distracted attending to something else, I quickly initiated conversation with the young lady, few seconds later the guy came back and met me talking to the lady.

He was a cool guy: he didn't try interfere in our conversation. He just hanged around and eavedropped on what we were saying.

My conversation with the lady was sailing smoothly. Even the guy had no problem with me being there. Few minutes later I asked the lady a question that instantly caused havoc and turbulence to our smooth sailing conversation.

I said, "so how old are you?"

The lady was taking shocked by my question. She was a little bit upset. The guy rolled his eyes and looked at me like I had 3 nose. He was also shocked by my question. There was a sudden earthquake. There was panic everywhere. The world was in chaos.

What's going on?

Rumor has it that one random dude at the mall just asked a lady an abominable question.

(Ok enough of the exaggeration, let's get serious)

The lady could not even open her mouth. She was still dumbfounde and yet to recover from the abominable question I just asked her. She stood there looking at me in horror like a damsel in distress that need a white knight in shining armor to come her recuse
So the guy quickly came to her rescue, playing the role of captain America. He thundered at me, "Don't you know it's wrong to ask a lady of her age?"

I was like, "Well, allow the lady to speak for herself."

The lady eventually opened her mouth. She said, "Yes, why would you even ask me of my age when we are just meeting for the first time?"

I said, "I asked about your age because I wanted to be sure that you're not below 18 years."

She said, "And what if I'm below 18 years?"

I said, "If you are below 18 years, I will discontinue my conversation with you because I only roll with girls who are 18 years and above....I don't do under age."

Then she told me her age. She is above 18 years.

Despite the whole turbulence that played out, my conversation with the lady later went great. We are very close now. This was what my big bro was talking about that time, but I misunderstood him back then.

On the phone, I told my big sis the whole turbulence that happened between I and the lady. My sis also told me that she heard that it's wrong to ask a Man how much he earns monthly on the first date.

"Please who made the rule that it's wrong for a man to ask a lady of her age or it's wrong for a lady to ask a man how much he earns monthly?"

I threw the above question on Facebook book and whatsApp to get people opinion about it. Surprisingly, I got lots of replies.

70% of people agreed that on the first date it's wrong for a man to ask a lady of her age or it's wrong for a lady to ask a man how much he earns monthly.

While 30% said that there's nothing wrong with that, and that it's left to the other person to decide if they want to answer the question. These 30% seemed smarter to me.

And it's no coincident that only 30% of people are really happy with their love lifes.

I tried to engaged the 70% of people to find out why they think it is wrong. I got responses like,

"it's disrespectful."

"It getting into someone's privacy"

"It is bla bla bla"



After analyzing most of their responses, I discovered something familiar: Most of us are simply scared of upsetting the other person, that's why we are scared of asking them those kind of questions. This still goes back to what my big bro was talking about back in the days.


When a guy tells a lady that he wants to get to know her or a lady say she wants to take her time to get know a guy before allowing anything happen, what do they really mean?

If a guy toast a lady, then he should be ready for any question the girl throws at him. And if a guy woo a lady, he should be bold enough to ask her any questions he wants.

Here's why-->.

First for all, here's the fact; You can't truly get know a person if you scared of upsetting them. This because you won't be real with them and you won't ask questions that are important to you.

Many ladies and gentlemen think that having a fun, lighthearted and entertaining conversation means you're getting to know the other person.

No, you're not.


This is why on first date, when a guy and a lady is talking...if they are laughing and chatting light-heartedly, then they aren't really getting to know each other.

But if the guy and the lady are talking in a low tone, quietly, closely, deeply and looking into each eyes, then they are the ones who are actually getting to know each other.

Some of us thinks it takes weeks, months or years to get to know person. But that is not true. In few hours you can truly get to know a person, if you can bodly ask them real, raw and honest questions, and see how they respond to it. These are the questions that will stir their emotions and force them to open up. These are the questions that would create strong connection between you and the other person.

Going on a date is kind of similar to going for a Job interview. At the job interview, the employer ask the right questions that are important to the progress of the organization. This is because they want to get the best candidate that would bring greater value.

They don't select the candidates who they love most, they select the candidate that answers their questions correctly.


If you are a man/woman looking for a long-term partner, it's not about who you love most, it's not about who you're more attracted to; it's about who bring less pain and add more happiness to your life.

Sometimes, the partners that will add more happiness to your life are the ones that you're not really attracted to; these are one's that don't really insight butterfly in your stomach when you see them, but they are the ones who will bring more happiness to your life in the long run.

I hope this was helpful.

Stay blessed.

Davieboy:
Good read.And YES,I agree with the content