I have two lovely kids with my wife - a girl and a boy. My son is six years old while his sister is eight. Both were born here in the US. I’ve done what I feel is right as a father to train these kids, but I know not everything can be done accordingly.

My son is restless. He has the attention span of three seconds before he gets distracted by something else. My mum tells says he is a copy of me when I was his age, but that was in the eighties and the way children were handled back then is totally different from today. He hardly wants to do anything in terms of school work and almost every day I get complaints from his teacher that he does not do his work or he is disruptive in class. When other students are doing their work, my son will be the one falling off his chair or hiding under his desk. His teacher told me he acts out when being corrected. Only yesterday my wife told me the teacher met her when she went to pick them up in school and told her that my son started yelling when the lights in the class started flickering. His behavior got so bad, they had to call the school security officer before he calmed down.

This behavior is really bothering me. I know my son is smart. His pre-school teacher once told me he was the smartest student she had. My son can do complex mathematical equations off the top of his head that even his older sister struggles to do. He has a very good memory and can list off all the types of trains that exist in the US, things that even I don’t know. It’s sitting down to be serious about work that he can’t do and can’t seem to focus on.

I enrolled him in a soccer club to see if that would help him expel his excess energy. At first he seemed to be lazy as he gets frustrated easily, and rather try harder, my son would rather give up and cry. I mostly have to encourage him to put in more effort, and most of the time he does not pay attention to what the coach says. The coach told me a couple of days ago that he wants to move him to a lower group level to see if he can build his confidence there.

I want to believe it’s his being the last born for now that’s worrying him. He seemed to start being a bit more mature when my wife got pregnant last year and he learnt they had a younger sibling on the way, but unfortunately, she miscarried and we lost the baby. I’ve been thinking for a while now whether to move back to Nigeria with everyone so that we can build some sense into both of them (my daughter’s story is another one). I’ve thought of taking them both for an ADHD test, but my wife is against that. The only time my son pays attention is when he’s doing something he likes, and that is when he’s playing the PS5 I got them or watching videos on YouTube Kids.

Any advice would be welcome from parents out there.

You bought PS5 for a six year old and you're wondering why he's misbehaving

klassyguy:
I have two lovely kids with my wife - a girl and a boy. My son is six years old while his sister is eight. Both were born here in the US. I’ve done what I feel is right as a father to train these kids, but I know not everything can be done accordingly.

My son is restless. He has the attention span of three seconds before he gets distracted by something else. My mum tells says he is a copy of me when I was his age, but that was in the eighties and the way children were handled back then is totally different from today. He hardly wants to do anything in terms of school work and almost every day I get complaints from his teacher that he does not do his work or he is disruptive in class. When other students are doing their work, my son will be the one falling off his chair or hiding under his desk. His teacher told me he acts out when being corrected. Only yesterday my wife told me the teacher met her when she went to pick them up in school and told her that my son started yelling when the lights in the class started flickering. His behavior got so bad, they had to call the school security officer before he calmed down.

This behavior is really bothering me. I know my son is smart. His pre-school teacher once told me he was the smartest student she had. My son can do complex mathematical equations off the top of his head that even his older sister struggles to do. He has a very good memory and can list off all the types of trains that exist in the US, things that even I don’t know. It’s sitting down to be serious about work that he can’t do and can’t seem to focus on.

I enrolled him in a soccer club to see if that would help him expel his excess energy. At first he seemed to be lazy as he gets frustrated easily, and rather try harder, my son would rather give up and cry. I mostly have to encourage him to put in more effort, and most of the time he does not pay attention to what the coach says. The coach told me a couple of days ago that he wants to move him to a lower group level to see if he can build his confidence there.

I want to believe it’s his being the last born for now that’s worrying him. He seemed to start being a bit more mature when my wife got pregnant last year and he learnt they had a younger sibling on the way, but unfortunately, she miscarried and we lost the baby. I’ve been thinking for a while now whether to move back to Nigeria with everyone so that we can build some sense into both of them (my daughter’s story is another one). I’ve thought of taking them both for an ADHD test, but my wife is against that. The only time my son pays attention is when he’s doing something he likes, and that is when he’s playing the PS5 I got them or watching videos on YouTube Kids.

Any advice would be welcome from parents out there.

Your son is 'different'... Don't see him as a problem. You just need to pay an extra attention to him as he needs a very good teleguiding to find his way in life. He will come out great if you do the hardwork on him now

Hmm!

Zonefree:
You bought PS5 for a six year old and you're wondering why he's misbehaving

I see nothing wrong in buying a game console for my kids. Besides he only plays train simulators, overcooked, and lego jurassic world. And they know they only get to play it on weekends for a few hours, which they adhere to. So the PS5 is not the issue.

klassyguy:
I want to believe it’s his being the last born for now that’s worrying him. He seemed to start being a bit more mature when my wife got pregnant last year and he learnt they had a younger sibling on the way, but unfortunately, she miscarried and we lost the baby. I’ve been thinking for a while now whether to move back to Nigeria with everyone so that we can build some sense into both of them (my daughter’s story is another one). I’ve thought of taking them both for an ADHD test, but my wife is against that. The only time my son pays attention is when he’s doing something he likes, and that is when he’s playing the PS5 I got them or watching videos on YouTube Kids.

Any advice would be welcome from parents out there.

So you don't want to get your child to a child therapist to figure out early the reason why you as a parent have not been able to get a handle on your child, but you want to take him to Nigeria where the child's particular emotional situation will be all but ignored and the child forced into survival mode ?

Your son has features of ADHD and seems not to respond to behavioural therapy. Take him to a paediatrician/paediatric neurologist for a better care.

Kobojunkie:
So you don't want to get your child to a child therapist to figure out early the reason why you as a parent have not been able to get a handle on your child, but you want to take him to Nigeria where the child's particular emotional situation is all but ignored and the child instead forced into survival mode instead?

Taking him for a test is not my problem. Their mother is against it. I cannot do that without her support. And the thought of moving to Nigeria was just a thought. We both have been chewing on that for a while now. Raising kids in this environment, particularly in today's US, is not as easy as you think. When I grew up in Nigeria, I had teachers who would flog the daylights out of you for misbehaving in class, and once you get home, you will get additional cane. I know how many times my dad broke cables on my back for misbehaving in school, and that is after I got punished by my teachers. Those beatings straightened me out and made me who I am today. Here, teachers cannot lay their hands on kids as they can be arrested for abusing the child. I've seen it play out several times and it is not pretty. Even the good ol' "ass whopping" families give their kids when they misbehave is frowned on as one nosy neighbor can call child services and report that you're abusing your kids.

klassyguy:
I have two lovely kids with my wife - a girl and a boy. My son is six years old while his sister is eight. Both were born here in the US. I’ve done what I feel is right as a father to train these kids, but I know not everything can be done accordingly.

My son is restless. He has the attention span of three seconds before he gets distracted by something else. My mum tells says he is a copy of me when I was his age, but that was in the eighties and the way children were handled back then is totally different from today. He hardly wants to do anything in terms of school work and almost every day I get complaints from his teacher that he does not do his work or he is disruptive in class. When other students are doing their work, my son will be the one falling off his chair or hiding under his desk. His teacher told me he acts out when being corrected. Only yesterday my wife told me the teacher met her when she went to pick them up in school and told her that my son started yelling when the lights in the class started flickering. His behavior got so bad, they had to call the school security officer before he calmed down.

This behavior is really bothering me. I know my son is smart. His pre-school teacher once told me he was the smartest student she had. My son can do complex mathematical equations off the top of his head that even his older sister struggles to do. He has a very good memory and can list off all the types of trains that exist in the US, things that even I don’t know. It’s sitting down to be serious about work that he can’t do and can’t seem to focus on.

I enrolled him in a soccer club to see if that would help him expel his excess energy. At first he seemed to be lazy as he gets frustrated easily, and rather try harder, my son would rather give up and cry. I mostly have to encourage him to put in more effort, and most of the time he does not pay attention to what the coach says. The coach told me a couple of days ago that he wants to move him to a lower group level to see if he can build his confidence there.

I want to believe it’s his being the last born for now that’s worrying him. He seemed to start being a bit more mature when my wife got pregnant last year and he learnt they had a younger sibling on the way, but unfortunately, she miscarried and we lost the baby. I’ve been thinking for a while now whether to move back to Nigeria with everyone so that we can build some sense into both of them (my daughter’s story is another one). I’ve thought of taking them both for an ADHD test, but my wife is against that. The only time my son pays attention is when he’s doing something he likes, and that is when he’s playing the PS5 I got them or watching videos on YouTube Kids.

Any advice would be welcome from parents out there.

Hey OP, why is your wife against going for the test... The earlier you do the test the better.

klassyguy:
1. Taking him for a test is not my problem. Their mother is against it. I cannot do that without her support. And the thought of moving to Nigeria was just a thought. We both have been chewing on that for a while now.

2. Raising kids in this environment, particularly in today's US, is not as easy as you think. When I grew up in Nigeria, I had teachers who would flog the daylights out of you for misbehaving in class, and once you get home, you will get additional cane. I know how many times my dad broke cables on my back for misbehaving in school, and that is after I got punished by my teachers. Those beatings straightened me out and made me who I am today.

3..Here, teachers cannot lay their hands on kids as they can be arrested for abusing the child. I've seen it play out several times and it is not pretty. Even the good ol' "ass whopping" families give their kids when they misbehave is frowned on as one nosy neighbor can call child services and report that you're abusing your kids.

1. You and your wife need to decide whether to help your child or your egos instead.

2. I live in the very same US, and also dealing with 3 boys here - a 9-year old, 6-year old and a 3-year old so , I know of the rudiments of raising a child in the US,and there is absolutely nothing difficult about it. In Nigeria, the adults place themselves and their convenience before the needs of the child whereas here in the US, the focus is rightly to place the needs of the child ahead of that of the adults.

I too was flogged as a child but it was not the beatings that made me a better person, instead it was the attention I gave myself and got from my folks that helped me turn out better than most who even got flogged way more than I was.

3. You as a parent are expected to raise your own kids. Teachers aren't meant to raise them for you. So you need to do a better job as a father to your own child instead of expecting others to do the work for you.

There are ways to discipline your child without what you call an arse whooping. Get him therapy so as to help you better understand him and his personality now that he is still young. Take away his toy if you have to. Play soccer with him if joining the soccer club is not working out for him. Work with him to understand him and how best to train him. That is your job and responsibility since you chose to have him.

Kobojunkie:
1. You and your wife need to decide whether to help your child or your egos instead.

2. I live in the very same US, and also dealing with 3 boys here - a 9-year old, 6-year old and a 3-year old so , I know of the rudiments of raising a child in the US,and there is absolutely nothing difficult about it. In Nigeria, the adults place themselves and their convenience before the needs of the child whereas here in the US, the focus is rightly to place the needs of the child ahead of that of the adults.

I too was flogged as a child but it was not the beatings that made me a better person, instead it was the attention I gave myself and got from my folks that helped me turn out better than most who even got flogged way more than I was.

3. You as a parent are expected to raise your own kids. Teachers aren't meant to raise them for you. So you need to do a better job as a father to your own child instead of expecting others to do the work for you.

There are ways to discipline your child without what you call an arse whooping. Get him therapy so as to help you better understand him and his personality now that he is still young. Take away his toy if you have to. Play soccer with him if joining the soccer club is not working out for him. Work with him to understand him and how best to train him. That is your job and responsibility since you chose to have him.

I came here for advice on how to tackle a problem, not for a lecture on whether I am doing a good job of raising my kids. I've raised my kids the best way I feel. Not everyone is perfect. Sometimes you need inputs of other parents. Most of the time when I flog him, he behaves. His teacher has told me on several occasions he behaves after I "talk" to him, but it is not all the time one should spank a kid when he misbehaves. Training kids is not only achieved at home. They also have to learn and be corrected in school where their parents are not present, and that's where teachers come in.

As for the test, if you read my initial post, I clearly mentioned I AM OPEN TO TAKING HIM FOR AN ADHD TEST. It's my wife that's against it. I can't do that without her input and support. How would you feel if your spouse goes behind your back to do something with both your kids without your support and knowledge?

Brogrammer:


Hey OP, why is your wife against going for the test... The earlier you do the test the better.

She said because I had the same behavior when I was a kid. I believe she is just scared.

klassyguy:
1. I came here for advice on how to tackle a problem, not for a lecture on whether I am doing a good job of raising my kids. I've raised my kids the best way I feel. Not everyone is perfect. Sometimes you need inputs of other parents. Most of the time when I flog him, he behaves. His teacher has told me on several occasions he behaves after I "talk" to him, but it is not all the time one should spank a kid when he misbehaves. Training kids is not only achieved at home. They also have to learn and be corrected in school where their parents are not present, and that's where teachers come in.

2. As for the test, if you read my initial post, I clearly mentioned I AM OPEN TO TAKING HIM FOR AN ADHD TEST. It's my wife that's against it. I can't do that without her input and support. How would you feel if your spouse goes behind your back to do something with both your kids without your support and knowledge?

1. Those teachers build on the training on you give your kids at home. You are struggling at home with one kid, imagine a teacher who has over 20 kids to teach each day, some of them like you own, and tell me how much "home" training you expect that teacher to be able to give all those kids when you can't can't figure out just one at home?

2. Try to put yourself in that child's world. If that child is truly struggling with mental illness, that basically means that while he is struggling to make sense of the world around him, confused as to how to wrap his mind around the neurochemical signals in his brain, his body and the expectations placed on him by those around him including his parents, you and your wife are busy fighting over whether is it as good idea to find him potential treatment for the chaos that is his existence.

At his age, I was already struggling to make sense of the world around me. By age seven, I had already started pondering the worth of my existence, and that remained by daily life for over 3 decades after that. My parents didn't have information back during their day so I don't really blame them for not being able to help me but no day goes by that I don't remind myself that I need to do better as far a the kids in my own care.

Take your child to a child therapist and least learn what could be potential his case so you can know where to begin looking for help.

If you think your child is struggling with ADHD,you can download an online test to try at home with your wife to help you both maybe understand what hell your child is having to live with while you two continue to caress your egos in this.

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I have no sympathies for parents because parents choose,of their own,to take one the responsibility that is their children. Your duty which you claimed for yourself is to care for those souls which you brought into this world abeg. Please strive to do a great job no matter what.

Sir,cut down screen time,I mean every bit of it.Anything screen phone,tab,laptop,TV anything flickering with light from 1hr per day at most to maybe 3x a week.Soon they will diagnose your child of one autism or the other.

My first is like that and when I followed a parenting page on fb:Intentional parent by Wendy Ologe,I noticed what was wrong with mine.
Pls start out and be firm by it.Always have discussions with him .You can replace screens with books and outdoor sport.
Too much screentime makes children restless when brain tasking works comes up.

Kobojunkie:


At his age, I was already struggling to make sense of the world around me. By age seven, I had already started pondering the worth of my existence, and that remained by daily life for over 3 decades after that. My parents didn't have information back during their day so I don't really blame them for not being able to help me but no day goes by that I don't remind myself that I need to do better as far a the kids in my own care.

Take your child to a child therapist and least learn what could be potential his case so you can know where to begin looking for help.

If you think your child is struggling with ADHD,you can download an online test to try at home with your wife to help you both maybe understand what [b]hell your child is having to live with while you two continue to caress your egos in this. [/b]

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I have no sympathies for parents because parents choose,of their own,to take one the responsibility that is their children. Your duty which you claimed for yourself is to care for those souls which you brought into this world abeg. Please strive to do a great job no matter what.

Hence the reason why you choose to use the condescending tone you're using to refer to another person's kid. I get it, we are on a faceless platform where you can air your utterances freely. My kid is not going through any kind of hell. You wouldn't like it if someone speaks of your three boys like that. My boy is a very lively and lovely kid. Everyone he meets sees him as a very bright kid. He just has some behavioral issues which I believe is normal for a boy his age. I posted this topic to seek opinions on how to tackle them, not to hear insults, so kindly refrain from acting like you're a better parent than others cos you have it easy with yours. We are mature enough to share ideas on how to handle our children's development to make them better people without delving to the level of insults. Not all children are the same.

klassyguy:
Hence the reason why you choose to use the condescending tone you're using to refer to another person's kid. I get it, we are on a faceless platform where you can air your utterances freely. My kid is not going through any kind of hell. You wouldn't like it if someone speaks of your three boys like that. My boy is a very lively and lovely kid. Everyone he meets sees him as a very bright kid. He just has some behavioral issues which I believe is normal for a boy his age. I posted this topic to seek opinions on how to tackle them, not to hear insults, so kindly refrain from acting like you're a better parent than others cos you have it easy with yours. We are mature enough to share ideas on how to handle our children's development to make them better people without delving to the level of insults. Not all children are the same.

I see you are still on about making this about your ego and you instead of the child.

Like I said, I have no empathy for parents as I believe their duty is to put their kids before themselves no matter what.

Ulunne777:
Sir,cut down screen time,I mean every bit of it.Anything screen phone,tab,laptop,TV anything flickering with light from 1hr per day at most to maybe 3x a week.Soon they will diagnose your child of one autism or the other.

My first is like that and when I followed a parenting page on fb:Intentional parent by Wendy Ologe,I noticed what was wrong with mine.
Pls start out and be firm by it.Always have discussions with him .You can replace screens with books and outdoor sport.
Too much screentime makes children restless when brain tasking works comes up.

Thank you very much. The funny thing is i do not even allow them to watch anything until the weekend. They know they have their school work to do each time they get home.

One issue I figured is my son gets bored easily. He gets tired of things once he has done them more than twice or thrice. When I call and tell him we would work on his homeworks when I get home, more often than not he would have done them before I get home. He is the kind of kid who can't sit still in one place for long and gets distracted, which was how I was when I was his age. That's why I decided to enroll him into the U8 soccer team he is. He has been there for a few weeks now and i hope that helps him.

Yes the sport will help.I bought puzzles,bord games and building blocks and also allowed outdoor play.I noticed massive progress all around.
Goodluck to both of you.

Ulunne777:
Yes the sport will help.I bought puzzles,bord games and building blocks and also allowed outdoor play.I noticed massive progress all around.
Goodluck to both of you.

Yes thank you very much again for your mature opinion. The boy does look forward to his practice. I'm also considering enrolling him and his sister for swim classes as well. He plays with his trains at home and he likes building blocks as well. He has a ton of HotWheels cars and he's always asking me to buy him more. He is very good with his hands, that I know. I just want him to put that enthusiasm in his school work as well and stop being a nuisance in his class.

Unfortunately, you’re not in a country where you can enforce discipline on your child by flogging him. I feel he’s going to outgrow the character.
Why don’t you have man to man discussions with him and take him out once in a while? My husband does that to my son a lot. My son is 6 years old too but kinda strong headed .

It is well with our sons

Beremx:
Unfortunately, you’re not in a country where you can enforce discipline on your child by flogging him. I feel he’s going to outgrow the character.
Why don’t you have man to man discussions with him and take him out once in a while? My husband does that to my son a lot. My son is 6 years old too but kinda strong headed .

It is well with our sons

Amen oh. Amen.

I do have talks with him, but you know youthful minds. He knew I was not happy with him yesterday, so he was hiding from me throughout. I noticed he did not come to stay with me on the bed in the middle of the night like he usually does. This morning he was trying to cautiously gauge my anger by talking to me or giving me some things i usually go for before heading to work(my car keys, phone, laptop bag). I was like "omode a dagba sha".

klassyguy:


Amen oh. Amen.

I do have talks with him, but you know youthful minds. He knew I was not happy with him yesterday, so he was hiding from me throughout. I noticed he did not come to stay with me on the bed in the middle of the night like he usually does. This morning he was trying to cautiously gauge my anger by talking to me or giving me some things i usually go for before heading to work(my car keys, phone, laptop bag). I was like "omode a dagba sha".

Does he respond when his elder sister or any older kid tries to teach him?

Your wife is probably scared of the possible label that may be attached to her baby, and the likely prescription drug that the child may be subjected to, hence her reluctance to have you engage a therapist. The record will follow the kid around, especially with the ubiquity of the EHR/EMR in the US. You may allay her fears by opting to see a therapist without going through your health insurance.

The important thing here is that the child need to be taken to a specialist to help you figure out how to better take care of him. It will be a lot worse if you are forced to take him to a psychiatrist by his school if he continues to disrupt the class. Then, you'll either put him on a medication or move him to another school. Unfortunately, in the U.S., teachers are there just to teach, not as caregiver or a parent away from home, like in Nigeria.

I feel your situation. Just disregard the individual making it seem like your parenting skill is the cause. Every child, even from the same family, is different and have to be handled differently. You just need help from a specialist on how to bring out the best from your brilliant child. Good luck to your family, and God's blessings!

See pikin dey waste lifetime opportunity of being raised in the US sha.

Don't worry. He will regret everything once he becomes older and learn that he has several of his kinsmen in Africa who are risking their life crossing the Mediterranean, sitting for GRE/SAT/IELTS, sleeping overnight in foreign embassies for the same opportunity he's getting free of charge.

Just let him grow up.

DontBullshitMe:
See pikin dey waste lifetime opportunity of being raised in the US sha.

Don't worry. He will regret everything once he becomes older and learn that he has several of his kinsmen in Africa who are risking their life crossing the Mediterranean, sitting for GRE/SAT/IELTS, sleeping overnight in foreign embassies for the same opportunity he's getting free of charge.

Just let him grow up.

Yeah, it's growing up he needs right about now.

pocohantas:


Does he respond when his elder sister or any older kid tries to teach him?

Funny enough he responds positively. He is very willing to listen when other kids, especially his sister, tea he's him stuff. He just doesn't like being overwhelmed and forced into doing things he doesn't like doing.

ottiz:
Your wife is probably scared of the possible label that may be attached to her baby, and the likely prescription drug that the child may be subjected to, hence her reluctance to have you engage a therapist. The record will follow the kid around, especially with the ubiquity of the EHR/EMR in the US. You may allay her fears by opting to see a therapist without going through your health insurance.

The important thing here is that the child need to be taken to a specialist to help you figure out how to better take care of him. It will be a lot worse if you are forced to take him to a psychiatrist by his school if he continues to disrupt the class. Then, you'll either put him on a medication or move him to another school. Unfortunately, in the U.S., teachers are there just to teach, not as caregiver or a parent away from home, like in Nigeria.

I feel your situation. Just disregard the individual making it seem like your parenting skill is the cause. Every child, even from the same family, is different and have to be handled differently. You just need help from a specialist on how to bring out the best from your brilliant child. Good luck to your family, and God's blessings!

Thanks for your advice.

Talk to you wife as you both need to be on the same page regarding your son, so you can both take your son for detailed assessment by a Clinical Child Psychologist....what you described is very indicative of ADHD as it meets the criteria for it in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) which is more like the universal standard Psychiatrists and Psychologists use for diagnosis.

Early professional intervention would really help, in as much as there is likely going to be prescriptions (can't mention them), try to get play therapy to be incorporated as part of the treatment plan as he would certainly enjoy the sessions.

Relocating back to Nigeria should be out of the equation because when it comes to professional intervention in Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS) there aren't much going on in Nigeria, very few professionals in the field in comparison to the overwhelming need.

Carry am come Nigeria, beat craze commot for him body. Children easily get spoilt in that abroad because you're not allowed to mete out some corrective measures our parents used on us those days that really helped shaped many of us.

Now, your mom told you he took after you. I'm sure she didn't just fold her arms and watch you. She must have corrected your behavior with some brain resetting slaps.

I'm sorry if I sound harsh but what some children need is iron hand.

By the way, why does your wife not want you to take him for the ADHD test?
Take them for the test to clear any possibilities of him having it so you can bring him to naija and change his character with some strict measures.

Spare the rod and spoil the child.

It's not an easy task bringing up a child, let alone one with the attention span of your son. At least you are working hard to help him, and that's the most important thing. Try to get your wife to agree to the test.

Please ignore anyone trying to make you feel you are a bad parent while they are feigning perfection like they have it all figured out.