₦airaland Forum

Have you heard of Nigerian kobo straight from magodo?�

Zonefree:
You bought PS5 for a six year old and you're wondering why he's misbehaving

Poverty mentality is your problem

Listen you’d blame yourself later if you do not take him for the proper assessments. In fact there’s a whole Medicaid system dedicated to providing help. It is called The Early and Periodic Screening, Diagnostic, and Treatment (EPSDT) and it is a state and federally funded insurance plan that provides comprehensive and preventive health care services for children who are enrolled in Medicaid.

Medicaid enrollment for kids is almost free under the Medicaid HCBS waiver.

Thank me later.

GloriousGbola:
I wonder why the op, who is based in the abroad, came here to post this thread. He knows exactly what he needs to do, and if he had posted this on a forum with actual American parents or doctors, he would immediately have been directed to a professional.
So either this is another click bait thread, or the poster is a nativist looking for a pastor to Holy ghost fire the devil of inattention from his son.
He is in the best place among the best people to sort his sons issues and he comes here
What does advice is he expecting from poverty striken Nigerians who consider any form of play to be destructive to children and who think everything can prayed away or beaten out?

The similar thoughts did run through my mind when I was posting my initial response. I could imagine them dragging the kid off for deliverance like so many Nigerians even here do.

Kobojunkie:
You have it all wrong! Kids understandably come in all shapes, personalities and dispositions. However, when it comes to raising them, your duty as a parent is to try to understand what your child's shape and personality, disposition even, is so you can tailor your form of training specifically to his need. That is what it means to raise and train a child.

I mentioned having to work with 3 kids myself, I never said anything about the experience being a walk in the park, so let's not assume these things abeg. There is nothing pliant about any of them or working with them. OP'S sob reminds me of at least one of them and he is thankfully getting the care he needs from every angle, care I couldn't get as a child myself.

Flogging is not meant as a cure or even treatment for what appears to be a mental issue. Resorting to flogging as go-to approach to raising a child crying for help is wickedness.

Guy, there is no cut and paste way of raising kids. If you are lucky your kids are obedient and doing well, you should thank your stars and pray they stay on track. I have seen kids that started well and later deviated when they teens.
Train your kids in the way they should go and when they are old they won’t depart from it.
The guy is only looking for diverse information and suggestion on how to go about raising his son and preparing him for the future and not bashing.
I get your point but you could as well lower your tone. Trust me, it’s only God that helps with kids ooooo.

klassyguy:
I have two lovely kids with my wife - a girl and a boy. My son is six years old while his sister is eight. Both were born here in the US. I’ve done what I feel is right as a father to train these kids, but I know not everything can be done accordingly.

My son is restless. He has the attention span of three seconds before he gets distracted by something else. My mum tells says he is a copy of me when I was his age, but that was in the eighties and the way children were handled back then is totally different from today. He hardly wants to do anything in terms of school work and almost every day I get complaints from his teacher that he does not do his work or he is disruptive in class. When other students are doing their work, my son will be the one falling off his chair or hiding under his desk. His teacher told me he acts out when being corrected. Only yesterday my wife told me the teacher met her when she went to pick them up in school and told her that my son started yelling when the lights in the class started flickering. His behavior got so bad, they had to call the school security officer before he calmed down.

This behavior is really bothering me. I know my son is smart. His pre-school teacher once told me he was the smartest student she had. My son can do complex mathematical equations off the top of his head that even his older sister struggles to do. He has a very good memory and can list off all the types of trains that exist in the US, things that even I don’t know. It’s sitting down to be serious about work that he can’t do and can’t seem to focus on.

I enrolled him in a soccer club to see if that would help him expel his excess energy. At first he seemed to be lazy as he gets frustrated easily, and rather try harder, my son would rather give up and cry. I mostly have to encourage him to put in more effort, and most of the time he does not pay attention to what the coach says. The coach told me a couple of days ago that he wants to move him to a lower group level to see if he can build his confidence there.

I want to believe it’s his being the last born for now that’s worrying him. He seemed to start being a bit more mature when my wife got pregnant last year and he learnt they had a younger sibling on the way, but unfortunately, she miscarried and we lost the baby. I’ve been thinking for a while now whether to move back to Nigeria with everyone so that we can build some sense into both of them (my daughter’s story is another one). I’ve thought of taking them both for an ADHD test, but my wife is against that. The only time my son pays attention is when he’s doing something he likes, and that is when he’s playing the PS5 I got them or watching videos on YouTube Kids.

Any advice would be welcome from parents out there.

same with my daughter. The only solution is Naija.

Your son may have ADHD.
Go see a community paediatrician and get him the help he needs

dawnomike:
Your son is 'different'... Don't see him as a problem. You just need to pay an extra attention to him as he needs a very good teleguiding to find his way in life. He will come out great if you do the hardwork on him now

the problem in abroad is parents dont really have time because of work.

ADHD...

See a Paediatrician.

Kobojunkie:
So you don't want to get your child to a child therapist to figure out early the reason why you as a parent have not been able to get a handle on your child, but you want to take him to Nigeria where the child's particular emotional situation will be all but ignored and the child forced into survival mode ?

When typing facts learn to use capital letter. ...pls

klassyguy:
I have two lovely kids with my wife - a girl and a boy. My son is six years old while his sister is eight. Both were born here in the US. I’ve done what I feel is right as a father to train these kids, but I know not everything can be done accordingly.

My son is restless. He has the attention span of three seconds before he gets distracted by something else. My mum tells says he is a copy of me when I was his age, but that was in the eighties and the way children were handled back then is totally different from today. He hardly wants to do anything in terms of school work and almost every day I get complaints from his teacher that he does not do his work or he is disruptive in class. When other students are doing their work, my son will be the one falling off his chair or hiding under his desk. His teacher told me he acts out when being corrected. Only yesterday my wife told me the teacher met her when she went to pick them up in school and told her that my son started yelling when the lights in the class started flickering. His behavior got so bad, they had to call the school security officer before he calmed down.

This behavior is really bothering me. I know my son is smart. His pre-school teacher once told me he was the smartest student she had. My son can do complex mathematical equations off the top of his head that even his older sister struggles to do. He has a very good memory and can list off all the types of trains that exist in the US, things that even I don’t know. It’s sitting down to be serious about work that he can’t do and can’t seem to focus on.

I enrolled him in a soccer club to see if that would help him expel his excess energy. At first he seemed to be lazy as he gets frustrated easily, and rather try harder, my son would rather give up and cry. I mostly have to encourage him to put in more effort, and most of the time he does not pay attention to what the coach says. The coach told me a couple of days ago that he wants to move him to a lower group level to see if he can build his confidence there.

I want to believe it’s his being the last born for now that’s worrying him. He seemed to start being a bit more mature when my wife got pregnant last year and he learnt they had a younger sibling on the way, but unfortunately, she miscarried and we lost the baby. I’ve been thinking for a while now whether to move back to Nigeria with everyone so that we can build some sense into both of them (my daughter’s story is another one). I’ve thought of taking them both for an ADHD test, but my wife is against that. The only time my son pays attention is when he’s doing something he likes, and that is when he’s playing the PS5 I got them or watching videos on YouTube Kids.

Any advice would be welcome from parents out there.

Kindly watch the following video, it answers your concerns: https://fb.watch/b_O1cvYI8a/

I am in the states also and do understand your predicament. Don't think about taking them to Nigeria, speedily plan to take them to Nigeria before they grow up more than their present age. Discuss with your wifey and plan it very well together. More better if you still have a solid family Foundation in Nigeria. Even as bad as Nigeria is presently, it's still far better raising your kids in Nigeria than in the States where values and respect is nonexistent. Get them to Nigeria and get a good private school for them, stay for sometime with them while they integrate into the new environment. Don't make them feel that you are dumping them in Nigeria and promise to be coming often to see them. Hope you have a dependable relations that can take care of them even with your regular provision of fund. That's very important. Nigeria will reorientate them to appreciate little things, to be humble and also to know that hard work is valuable. You will thank me later after some months of bringing them to Nigeria. I am talking from experience and also assuring you that you will be glad you did. Good luck pal.

klassyguy:
Taking him for a test is not my problem. Their mother is against it. I cannot do that without her support. And the thought of moving to Nigeria was just a thought. We both have been chewing on that for a while now. To Raising kids in this environment, particularly in today's US, is not as easy as you think. When I grew up in Nigeria, I had teachers who would flog the daylights out of you for misbehaving in class, and once you get home, you will get additional cane. I know how many times my dad broke cables on my back for misbehaving in school, and that is after I got punished by my teachers. Those beatings straightened me out and made me who I am today. Here, teachers cannot lay their hands on kids as they can be arrested for abusing the child. I've seen it play out several times and it is not pretty. Even the good ol' "ass whopping" families give their kids when they misbehave is frowned on as one nosy neighbor can call child services and report that you're abusing your kids.

Gbabe2:
1. Guy, there is no cut and paste way of raising kids.

2. If you are lucky your kids are obedient and doing well, you should thank your stars and pray they stay on track. I have seen kids that started well and later deviated when they teens. Train your kids in the way they should go and when they are old they won’t depart from it.

3. The guy is only looking for diverse information and suggestion on how to go about raising his son and preparing him for the future and not bashing.
I get your point but you could as well lower your tone. Trust me, it’s only God that helps with kids ooooo.

1. I never suggested their is cut-n-paste solution to raising kids either. And this the more reason why it is the responsibility of parents to try to understand each child's personality and quirks in order to best train that child.

2. I am not amongst the one's you consider lucky at all. Children are a parent's responsibility and until they are able to properly stand on their own two feet, a parent's work continues.

3. He is looking for diverse information to help him avoid taking his possibly mentally ill child to get help he potentially needs, why?

Lower what tone? I didn't type in caps and text really has no volume to it.

Ybaby:
When typing facts learn to use capital letter. ...pls

What do you mean?

Zonefree:
You bought PS5 for a six year old and you're wondering why he's misbehaving

This man go need hypo to fess wash him brain...den his son own. Rubbish!

jesmond3945:
the problem in abroad is parents dont really have time because of work.

Nigerian parents no dey work?

Back in the 80s and 90s in Nigeria, my own parents worked too. Sure bedtime wasn't really enforced back then but we still had a home life.

klassyguy:
Taking him for a test is not my problem. Their mother is against it. I cannot do that without her support. And the thought of moving to Nigeria was just a thought. We both have been chewing on that for a while now. Raising kids in this environment, particularly in today's US, is not as easy as you think. When I grew up in Nigeria, I had teachers who would flog the daylights out of you for misbehaving in class, and once you get home, you will get additional cane. I know how many times my dad broke cables on my back for misbehaving in school, and that is after I got punished by my teachers. Those beatings straightened me out and made me who I am today. Here, teachers cannot lay their hands on kids as they can be arrested for abusing the child. I've seen it play out several times and it is not pretty. Even the good ol' "ass whopping" families give their kids when they misbehave is frowned on as one nosy neighbor can call child services and report that you're abusing your kids.

Lazy parenting method is caning. He is not a goat and he is perfectly fine just not a conformist.

You and your wife need parenting therapy first before getting help for your son. I bet he finishes puzzles and solves complex problems super fast. Those genius kids get bored easily and very hard to tame but they are exactly who we need to move humanity forward. DONOT BREAK THAT BOY"S SPIRIT.

If he needs to be put in a lower class at sports, at school so be it. Tell that spirit he is a genius and you as his father is behind him all the way.
You are in USA and need to up your parenting game not beat your son into submission.

He is not a conformist.... you were not too but they beat the sh!tt out of you and now you conform and lost your genius. Be careful!!

Acceptance is true love. Accept your son and find out what positive stuff he likes doing and do more of that. Not what the curriculum says he should like but what his CHI / ORI likes doing for that is his path.

Never compare your kids with each other or with other kids.

Ulunne777:
Sir,cut down screen time,I mean every bit of it.Anything screen phone,tab,laptop,TV anything flickering with light from 1hr per day at most to maybe 3x a week.Soon they will diagnose your child of one autism or the other.

My first is like that and when I followed a parenting page on fb:Intentional parent by Wendy Ologe,I noticed what was wrong with mine.
Pls start out a
nd be firm by it.Always have discussions with him .You can replace screens with books and outdoor sport.
Too much screentime makes children restless when brain tasking works comes up.

Listen to this guy. This thing effects me even as teen not to talk of a child

klassyguy:
I have two lovely kids with my wife - a girl and a boy. My son is six years old while his sister is eight. Both were born here in the US. I’ve done what I feel is right as a father to train these kids, but I know not everything can be done accordingly.

My son is restless. He has the attention span of three seconds before he gets distracted by something else. My mum tells says he is a copy of me when I was his age, but that was in the eighties and the way children were handled back then is totally different from today. He hardly wants to do anything in terms of school work and almost every day I get complaints from his teacher that he does not do his work or he is disruptive in class. When other students are doing their work, my son will be the one falling off his chair or hiding under his desk. His teacher told me he acts out when being corrected. Only yesterday my wife told me the teacher met her when she went to pick them up in school and told her that my son started yelling when the lights in the class started flickering. His behavior got so bad, they had to call the school security officer before he calmed down.

This behavior is really bothering me. I know my son is smart. His pre-school teacher once told me he was the smartest student she had. My son can do complex mathematical equations off the top of his head that even his older sister struggles to do. He has a very good memory and can list off all the types of trains that exist in the US, things that even I don’t know. It’s sitting down to be serious about work that he can’t do and can’t seem to focus on.

I enrolled him in a soccer club to see if that would help him expel his excess energy. At first he seemed to be lazy as he gets frustrated easily, and rather try harder, my son would rather give up and cry. I mostly have to encourage him to put in more effort, and most of the time he does not pay attention to what the coach says. The coach told me a couple of days ago that he wants to move him to a lower group level to see if he can build his confidence there.

I want to believe it’s his being the last born for now that’s worrying him. He seemed to start being a bit more mature when my wife got pregnant last year and he learnt they had a younger sibling on the way, but unfortunately, she miscarried and we lost the baby. I’ve been thinking for a while now whether to move back to Nigeria with everyone so that we can build some sense into both of them (my daughter’s story is another one). I’ve thought of taking them both for an ADHD test, but my wife is against that. The only time my son pays attention is when he’s doing something he likes, and that is when he’s playing the PS5 I got them or watching videos on YouTube Kids.

Any advice would be welcome from parents out there.

The school is not really fair.They know this might be ADHD, and that your son do not have control over the things he does. They should be suggesting a therapist instead of all these complains as if he is in a position to do things better.

klassyguy:
Hence the reason why you choose to use the condescending tone you're using to refer to another person's kid. I get it, we are on a faceless platform where you can air your utterances freely. My kid is not going through any kind of hell. You wouldn't like it if someone speaks of your three boys like that. My boy is a very lively and lovely kid. Everyone he meets sees him as a very bright kid. He just has some behavioral issues which I believe is normal for a boy his age. I posted this topic to seek opinions on how to tackle them, not to hear insults, so kindly refrain from acting like you're a better parent than others cos you have it easy with yours. We are mature enough to share ideas on how to handle our children's development to make them better people without delving to the level of insults. Not all children are the same.

You yourself know your child has behavioural issues. What you probably don't know is that they're not normal for his age.
One of the commonest behavioural issues we know is ADHD.
Why won't you get him some help ?
That person hasn't insulted you.
Adults too have ADHD and many people are getting diagnosed now in their older age because they were missed as children.
Nothing states you yourself don't have ADHD from all you've said. Do a bit more research, be open minded.
You have a restless child with poor concentration and attention span. Perhaps even has trouble sleeping at night.
Most of the children we called naughty have underlying ADHD, and some were lucky enough to not have it impact their whole lives when they grew older.
Don't be scared of the diagnosis/label,and perhaps that's what is getting your wife worried. You can get proper help for your son, and can also understand him better if you know he has ADHD.
He may also get the appropriate help he needs in school instead of teachers just calling him a difficult child and leaving him alone with his shenanigans, especially in a country you know they don't really care about black children

klassyguy:
I see nothing wrong in buying a game console for my kids. Besides he only plays train simulators, overcooked, and lego jurassic world. And they know they only get to play it on weekends for a few hours, which they adhere to. So the PS5 is not the issue.

Yes it will be an issue on the long run. For a boy behaving like that having video games at home is a NO NO.

klassyguy:
As for the test, if you read my initial post, I clearly mentioned I AM OPEN TO TAKING HIM FOR AN ADHD TEST. It's my wife that's against it. I can't do that without her input and support. How would you feel if your spouse goes behind your back to do something with both your kids without your support and knowledge?

Are you a simp?

Kobojunkie:
1. You and your wife need to decide whether to help your child or your egos instead.

2. I live in the very same US, and also dealing with 3 boys here - a 9-year old, 6-year old and a 3-year old so , I know of the rudiments of raising a child in the US,and there is absolutely nothing difficult about it. In Nigeria, the adults place themselves and their convenience before the needs of the child whereas here in the US, the focus is rightly to place the needs of the child ahead of that of the adults.

I too was flogged as a child but it was not the beatings that made me a better person, instead it was the attention I gave myself and got from my folks that helped me turn out better than most who even got flogged way more than I was.

3. You as a parent are expected to raise your own kids. Teachers aren't meant to raise them for you. So you need to do a better job as a father to your own child instead of expecting others to do the work for you.

There are ways to discipline your child without what you call an arse whooping. Get him therapy so as to help you better understand him and his personality now that he is still young. Take away his toy if you have to. Play soccer with him if joining the soccer club is not working out for him. Work with him to understand him and how best to train him. That is your job and responsibility since you chose to have him.

Some children need spanking.
That is their corrective measure.

You better listen to what that Kobojunkie guy is saying.

At best the child will come to Nigeria and be forced to be an unimaginative rank and file mumu more obsessed with sex than intellectual pursuits

Someone I know did this exact thing dragged her pikin home to naija. The girl has now become completely withdrawn and the mother is running from pillar to post looking for solution to what is obvious -

The daughters misery at being transferred to a suboptimal society. She may have been in advanced coding groups in school and now she is in a so called naija private school where all her peers are interested in Davido and sex and where she is a book book book nerd with no contemporaries. There are no teachers who can help, the mother is out of her depth and so all there is is withdrawal

klassyguy:
The only time my son pays attention is when he’s doing something he likes, and that is when he’s playing the PS5 I got them or watching videos on YouTube Kids.
Any advice would be welcome from parents out there.

Comeback in 2 months and tell us the result..

Kobojunkie:
Abeg, what YouTube channels be that make me too try them.

For your kids?

Playermayweda:
Upon all the beating wey naija dey give pikins, why is it so insecure, corrupt, and backward??

Them don use flogging destroy all the common sense commot the brain of average Nigerians that na why dem no even fit ask or consider such simple and obvious questions.

klassyguy:
I have two lovely kids with my wife - a girl and a boy. My son is six years old while his sister is eight. Both were born here in the US. I’ve done what I feel is right as a father to train these kids, but I know not everything can be done accordingly.

My son is restless. He has the attention span of three seconds before he gets distracted by something else. My mum tells says he is a copy of me when I was his age, but that was in the eighties and the way children were handled back then is totally different from today. He hardly wants to do anything in terms of school work and almost every day I get complaints from his teacher that he does not do his work or he is disruptive in class. When other students are doing their work, my son will be the one falling off his chair or hiding under his desk. His teacher told me he acts out when being corrected. Only yesterday my wife told me the teacher met her when she went to pick them up in school and told her that my son started yelling when the lights in the class started flickering. His behavior got so bad, they had to call the school security officer before he calmed down.

This behavior is really bothering me. I know my son is smart. His pre-school teacher once told me he was the smartest student she had. My son can do complex mathematical equations off the top of his head that even his older sister struggles to do. He has a very good memory and can list off all the types of trains that exist in the US, things that even I don’t know. It’s sitting down to be serious about work that he can’t do and can’t seem to focus on.

I enrolled him in a soccer club to see if that would help him expel his excess energy. At first he seemed to be lazy as he gets frustrated easily, and rather try harder, my son would rather give up and cry. I mostly have to encourage him to put in more effort, and most of the time he does not pay attention to what the coach says. The coach told me a couple of days ago that he wants to move him to a lower group level to see if he can build his confidence there.

I want to believe it’s his being the last born for now that’s worrying him. He seemed to start being a bit more mature when my wife got pregnant last year and he learnt they had a younger sibling on the way, but unfortunately, she miscarried and we lost the baby. I’ve been thinking for a while now whether to move back to Nigeria with everyone so that we can build some sense into both of them (my daughter’s story is another one). I’ve thought of taking them both for an ADHD test, but my wife is against that. The only time my son pays attention is when he’s doing something he likes, and that is when he’s playing the PS5 I got them or watching videos on YouTube Kids.

Any advice would be welcome from parents out there.

I have read many articles concerning kids in America especially on the south side of Chicago area and I know it's truly not easy to raise a child especially male ones, Just make sure he finishe high school no matter how stubborn he is...... That is what most US kids needs as they can actually find a way for themselves later. Please do not allow him to engage in any gang activities.

klassyguy:
I came here for advice on how to tackle a problem, not for a lecture on whether I am doing a good job of raising my kids. I've raised my kids the best way I feel. Not everyone is perfect. Sometimes you need inputs of other parents. Most of the time when I flog him, he behaves. His teacher has told me on several occasions he behaves after I "talk" to him, but it is not all the time one should spank a kid when he misbehaves. Training kids is not only achieved at home. They also have to learn and be corrected in school where their parents are not present, and that's where teachers come in.

Don't take him for any ADHD assessment. Diagnosis in psychiatry, especially in d West can be loose at times.
They will just tag him and start one yeye therapy which may force the child to mentally accept what is not it.

It might be some societal stressors mixed with some usual childhood stuffs most boys have.

@ the bolded, I think you should try and do more of the actual talking (not flogging). Relate to him, actual stories on conducts and behaviors. Assign some responsibilities to him, like a pet to look after or sth.

If soccar doesn't work, explore other activities. He will definitely have one he will like. It's normal for him not to like certain things, even as adults there are things we don't like.
Before you know it, he will outgrow it

Nuttella:
While teaching in nursery, I noticed some kids love attention more than others, so I tend to give attention to the attention-seekers and that helped improved their performance. ..

God created us differently and uniquely, some are also influenced by the environment, learning how to manage kids is key.

Are you a teacher?

ambient:
For your kids?

We watch YouTube channels like brightside for fun.