sisisioge:


Your dude must be a yoruba guy! Once they see a woman capable of handling things, they let you do it. Hian! Didnt you know that "sense of responsibility" is a thing that must be checked in a guy before marrying him? Why in the world would you marry a guy comfortable with you wearing the trousers? Those guys that would not buy stuff for you while dating, pick some of your bills or simply give you money to sort things turn out to be terrible husbands when it comes to holding the material angle of the home. Money is important! Whew! It will only get worse o and by the time the kids are grown,you would have out grown your youthful years embittered with a terrible husband. Poor you.

Life is tough though, you choose your battles. It is well.

See tribalistic mad woman

Ishilove:

God

You haven't seen anything yet.

Them full Abuja. And the funny thing is their wives cover for them.
That car they drive, na madam buy am.
House o, house rent, giving him money to give his people. His people will thank their son and probably bad mouth wifey

Just to make him feel like a man.

One lost his job and packed up. Wifey was doing everything. Her income wasn't enough. She was going about meeting people to help her husband with job.

At a point she resorted to begging to buy food. Told the man to go to his father's family house with the kids for now cos she can squat with somebody and the kids will eat and be taken care of in lagos. Oga said that's an insult. And she loved this guy so much. She indulged him. A masters electrical engineer degree holder and so handsome. Always in the house. He don't talk.

Women dey suffer. Just that society makes them mute. Don't un-dignify your husband. Respect and honour him. It is well

descarado:



You haven't seen anything yet.

Them full Abuja. And the funny thing is their wives cover for them.
That car they drive, na madam buy am.
House o, house rent, giving him money to give his people. His people will thank their son and probably bad mouth wifey

Just to make him feel like a man.

One lost his job and packed up. Wifey was doing everything. Her income wasn't enough. She was going about meeting people to help her husband with job.

At a point she resorted to begging to buy food. Told the man to go to his father's family house with the kids for now cos she can squat with somebody and the kids will eat and be taken care of in lagos. Oga said that's an insult. And she loved this guy so much. She indulged him. A masters electrical engineer degree holder and so handsome. Always in the house. He don't talk.

Women dey suffer. Just that society makes them mute. Don't un-dignify your husband. Respect and honour him. It is well

There is another breed of husbands that works, earns more than the wife and still not contribute (financial, domestic etc) in the home.

The things I have heard and seen.....

A husband splitting mortgage 50% with his wife when he earns way higher & only husband's name is on document.

Abi wife struggling with fees while husband is buying designer shoes and wristwatches.

That's why when I hear split bill 50 - 50, I am wary.

When people shout that all women should work so that their husbands would not ridicule/disrespect them, I laugh.

In addition to looking for you don't want, one needs to look for what she/ he wants.

descarado:



You haven't seen anything yet.

Them full Abuja. And the funny thing is their wives cover for them.
That car they drive, na madam buy am.
House o, house rent, giving him money to give his people. His people will thank their son and probably bad mouth wifey

Just to make him feel like a man.

One lost his job and packed up. Wifey was doing everything. Her income wasn't enough. She was going about meeting people to help her husband with job.

At a point she resorted to begging to buy food. Told the man to go to his father's family house with the kids for now cos she can squat with somebody and the kids will eat and be taken care of in lagos. Oga said that's an insult. And she loved this guy so much. She indulged him. A masters electrical engineer degree holder and so handsome. Always in the house. He don't talk.

Women dey suffer. Just that society makes them mute. Don't un-dignify your husband. Respect and honour him. It is well

That's why she is enabling his fuckery. During my childhood years my dad was affected during that era of bank collapses, so for a time (2 years) he was out of a job. During that period all the burden fell on mum. I remember he would bath in the morning, carry his folder out and would not return till evening. My mum would ask "any luck?", and he would wearily shake his head. This cycle repeated itself day in, day out. My dad would rather perambulate the streets of Lagos searching for a job...ANY JOB, and when he was tired, find somewhere to sit down to read the newspapers he had borrowed from someone, or just mope, than sit in the house and be a house husband.

Any man that willingly abdicates his responsibilities to his wife without making serious efforts to regain control is shameless and not fit to be called a man.

bukatyne:


There is another breed of husbands that works, earns more than the wife and still not contribute (financial, domestic etc) in the home.

The things I have heard and seen.....

A husband splitting mortgage 50% with his wife when he earns way higher & only husband's name is on document.

Abi wife struggling with fees while husband is buying designer shoes and wristwatches.

That's why when I hear split bill 50 - 50, I am wary.

When people shout that all women should work so that their husbands would not ridicule/disrespect them, I laugh.

In addition to looking for you don't want, one needs to look for what she/ he wants.

The bolded are the worst kind of husbands.
I’d rather go with op’s kind of husband. At least, I knew what I got myself into.

The 50/50 part reminded me of this thread https://www.nairaland.com/6922097/girlfriend-ran-away-because-proposed#109048153

CountVersailles:

See tribalistic mad woman

Haba! Who let you out? Gosh, sometimes you people amaze me .

I am a Yoruba woman by the way, hope you feel less strained now.

What about his family?
Are they aware of the attitude and behaviour of their son? If they are aware and nothing has been done, (I hate to say this) divorce him and take your child(ren) with you.

eazzzy1:


I hate to refer you to a work of fiction but how many years did it take the man in Acrimony to get his App to work? Leaving one’s job to focus on his business is drive, dreams and ambition to me. If the business worked we wouldn’t be here now.

There’s no way to know the guy isn’t doing everything he can to better his situation. We humans are usually more concerned with the results than the process. A man can do everything right and everything go sideways for him. Remember Joseph’s interpretation of Pharoah’s dream? 7 years season of famine and 7 years season of boom? What if this is his season of famine? It’s not like he’s just sleeping, waking and playing video games.

I just feel it’s unfair how a woman can fall back to her man’s money if things go wrong with her, a man has to grapple with his loss of income and then have to worry about his wife’s reaction to the new situation. She makes money, why is sacrificing so difficult? Would she put up her kids for adoption because of the financial burden on her? I think if you love someone, taking care of them would be a privilege not a burden.

I don't understand. What do you mean by "she makes money, why is sacrificing so difficult?

Is that how things are supposed to be? If tables were turned, what would you advise?

OP, focus on your kids and leave the man. He will sort himself out. As long as you keep enabling his indolence, things won't change.

Mariangeles:


The bolded are the worst kind of husbands.
I’d rather go with op’s kind of husband. At least, I knew what I got myself into.

The 50/50 part reminded me of this thread https://www.nairaland.com/6922097/girlfriend-ran-away-because-proposed#109048153

I so like that thread ehn, the babe japa straight.
Omolomo.

NoToPile:





I so like that thread ehn, the babe japa straight.
Omolomo.

I hope she never went back.

bukatyne:


There is another breed of husbands that works, earns more than the wife and still not contribute (financial, domestic etc) in the home.

The things I have heard and seen.....

A husband splitting mortgage 50% with his wife when he earns way higher & only husband's name is on document.

Abi wife struggling with fees while husband is buying designer shoes and wristwatches.

That's why when I hear split bill 50 - 50, I am wary.

When people shout that all women should work so that their husbands would not ridicule/disrespect them, I laugh.

In addition to looking for you don't want, one needs to look for what she/ he wants.

You know,when I see these small children screaming redpill and yellow pill, I just shake my head cos they will grow to see the realities of life.

Babe, I wish you live in Abuja highbrow.
You will see shocking things.

Half of our able bodied men are political jobbers.
Graduates o.
The ones on nairaland are small. In the morning the put on tie and suit like they are going to office. For where. They are so proud to do menial jobs.
I was paying school fees of able bodied men's children before I left. They will circle and start discussing politics. You need to see them. Just that if you see the wives struggling to make ends meet.
BP of a young mother so high, you wil be moved to help. One day I screamed at one. Today, he is my caretaker and working now. Wifey is like a sis to me. This man is was out of work for 4yrs yet driving suv
Still refused to join wifey doing what she do to make ends meet and who are you to talk to him any how. The day I screamed at him, wifey was begging me to stop. But it yielded good result. This man don't earn anything yet controls what wifey earns. It's well.
May we never meet what will destroy us emotionally

sisisioge:


Haba! Who let you out? Gosh, sometimes you people amaze me .

I am a Yoruba woman by the way, hope you feel less strained now.

Wanted to tell that poster uou are yoruba.

Just like seeing me going hard on igbos. They have called me unprintable names. I don't care. Somebody gat to say the truth anyway.
Benue and edo men are like that man.

I no go gree especially for the house document. Let's normalise women staying single till they meet the right guy. This is just the result of too much pressure to marry..

bukatyne:


There is another breed of husbands that works, earns more than the wife and still not contribute (financial, domestic etc) in the home.

The things I have heard and seen.....

A husband splitting mortgage 50% with his wife when he earns way higher & only husband's name is on document.

Abi wife struggling with fees while husband is buying designer shoes and wristwatches.

That's why when I hear split bill 50 - 50, I am wary.

When people shout that all women should work so that their husbands would not ridicule/disrespect them, I laugh.

In addition to looking for you don't want, one needs to look for what she/ he wants.

Mariangeles:


What attracted you to him in the first place?

U people will be asking nonsense question at times, what will attract a woman to a man if not their so called love, according to dem daughters of eve

emmanuelbrown26:

U people will be asking nonsense question at times, what will attract a woman to a man if not their so called love, according to dem daughters of eve

You’re not intelligent at all.

Do people(women) just fall in love?
No, people do not just fall in love.
Something must attract a person to a person before love happens.
Well, I don’t blame you, ‘cause I doubt you’ve been fortunate enough to love and be loved by a woman, and so you don’t relate.

You just go about howling like a werewolf on a full moon night.

Mariangeles:


You’re not intelligent at all.

Do people(women) just fall in love?
No, people do not just fall in love.
Something must attract a person to a person before love happens.
Well, I don’t blame you, ‘cause I doubt you’ve been fortunate enough to love and be loved by a woman, and so you don’t relate.

You just go about howling like a werewolf on a full moon night.

Nothing about u that will ever shock me. Mrs lover, perfectionist in love

RichGal, how are you feeling today?

Double0h7:
RichGal, how are you feeling today?

Good afternoon.

Actually, I'm feeling great. It's kind of you to ask, thank you.

RichGal:


Good afternoon.

Actually, I'm feeling great. It's kind of you to ask, thank you.

Good to 'hear'

Best wishes

RichGal, I've been thinking about your situation and I feel really conflicted. Your husband sounds loving, and you don't face abuse or neglect (hopefully). His only shortcomings seems to be lack of direction and focus. You on the other hand have been blessed with direction and focus.

I believe God gives us people who need us and who we need. In an ideal world you'd be a kept woman and you could save your money and treat your family to special trips and nice clothes etc. But it's not an ideal world and this is the hand you were dealt.

There's some lessons in this experience that you need to learn. Those lessons could be on boundary setting, leadership, and patience or maybe others. I really don't think you have grounds for divorce though.

Is your husband under 30 years old? I ask this because men take longer to reach their self actualisation phase and when they do they blow!

I think communicating your fears and struggles (even though you think he'll only follow up for a week) and praying for guidance are important steps. And sadly patience might be the key here.

We live in the 21st century and gender roles have changed so you can't say you didn't sign up to be the breadwinner because that's just the hand life dealt you. However, I think you should stop babying him, stop covering his personal needs, and tell him you are done financially supporting him, but continue funding for the home (rent, food, school fees). Do this assertively rather than aggressively.

Have a meeting and state your reasons and going forward ignore his requests for personal support and continue to tell him not to ask you. Deal with those feelings and impulses that you will feel by saying no and stay true to your convictions. Maybe saying no is the lesson this situation is teaching you.

When I complained about my husband's personality to my mother she gave me this advice that God puts two different people together for a reason and we are suppose to think, negotiate, compromise, submit, and everything else it's here to teach us in order to get our blessings and resolve.

Double0h7, thank you very much.

I never imagined you were female. this is one of the biases they talked about on international women's day.

Coming on here made me step aside and look at my situation wholistically.

Truthfully, my husband has a lot of great qualities and this one thing seems to be his only weakness which is why I married him cos I thought it wasn't going to be a big deal but with the children came more responsibilities and I just felt he should adapt to these changes.

Truthfully, I can't say no to helping him sort his personal needs. I wouldn't be able to.

So here's what I've resolved to do. I had a talk with him and told him I wanted to take my side business seriously and since my full time job wouldn't give me the time to do that, I'd really appreciate it if he could step in and he seemed excited. I'll just ensure to keep getting the jobs and asking for his help.

Hopefully, he'd start taking the lead somehow but I'll try to focus on the positives cos like you rightly said, this is the hand I've been dealt and I'm going to learn to focus on my blessings.

RichGal:
Double0h7, thank you very much.

I never imagined you were female. this is one of the biases they talked about on international women's day.

Coming on here made me step aside and look at my situation wholistically.

Truthfully, my husband has a lot of great qualities and this one thing seems to be his only weakness which is why I married him cos I thought it wasn't going to be a big deal but with the children came more responsibilities and I just felt he should adapt to these changes.

Truthfully, I can't say no to helping him sort his personal needs. I wouldn't be able to.

So here's what I've resolved to do. I had a talk with him and told him I wanted to take my side business seriously and since my full time job wouldn't give me the time to do that, I'd really appreciate it if he could step in and he seemed excited. I'll just ensure to keep getting the jobs and asking for his help.

Hopefully, he'd start taking the lead somehow but I'll try to focus on the positives cos like you rightly said, this is the hand I've been dealt and I'm going to learn to focus on my blessings.

Lol. Sis, this made me so happy . Yes, count and focus on your blessings and keep feeding him job ideas that you need help with. You're each others blessing.

I wish you guys peace and joy

Double0h7:


Lol. Sis, this made me so happy . Yes, count and focus on your blessings and keep feeding him job ideas that you need help with. You're each others blessing.

I wish you guys peace and joy

Awww, I wish there was a hug emoji.

Thank you for the love.

God bless you.

Kobojunkie:
1. Being protective of a loved one is one thing, fixing him/her up is another issue entirely. You express frustration at the fact that your husband is not ambitious even though you met him that way and it seems that frustration is part reason for your exhaustion too. So, please do not ignore the professional mental health therapy suggestion abeg. You need to dig down to the bottom of the frustration so you can become free and begin to enjoy life as you ought to.

2. Do not get pastors tangled up in your personal issues abeg. Those men are unqualified as counselors, mental and otherwise.

Also, "shaming" your husband by reporting him to outsiders isn't always a good approach to fixing folks. You are more likely to create animosity between you and your loved ones by that approach.. you can however change your own approach to dealing with them instead and renegotiating your marriage agreement is a good place to start.

Auntie, fallacy of hasty generalization. All pastors? Do you know the legendary Bimbo Odukoya was a pastor? All pastors?

DeeMain:
Auntie, fallacy of hasty generalization. All pastors? Do you know the legendary Bimbo Odukoya was a pastor? All pastors?

There is no hasty generalization here.

When I said all, I meant all of your Pastors, mogs , prophets etc. Every single last one or them are the false teachers and false prophets, the antiChrists, Jesus Christ warned His followers to beware of, your bimbo odukuya also one of them if she also goes around acting in much the same way as your other pastors and mogs.

PrimadonnaO:



I 100% agree with you.

Girls think they're scoring high with a guy when he gives them nothing and she doesn't ask or complain.

They don't know they're setting up themselves for future burdens if they do get married.


Most responsible men simply take care of their women.

They demonstrate love and a a sense of responsibility by providing and protecting.

When I see a man who doesn't do that, I abort mission mentally.

I 200% agree with you too. Check out mentally and physically. Men’s money is for enjoyment. If you loose guard, one girl with agbalumo breast would finish it on your behalf.

If he isn’t bringing it out WILLINGLY, my dear, something is wrong. Don’t enter problem in the name of independent woman.

Independence is your ability to carry on without him, but no sane man wants his women to carry on without him when he is right there. Men love to be FELT, except he is an efulefu or you are not his priority!

Kobojunkie:
There is no hasty generalization here.

When I said all, I meant all of your Pastors, mogs , prophets etc. Every single last one or them are the false teachers and false prophets, the antiChrists, Jesus Christ warned His followers to beware of, your bimbo odukuya also one of them if she also goes around acting in much the same way as your other pastors and mogs.

Some things are just fit for the trash can. Here is one of them.

pocohantas:


Mentally and physically. Men’s money is for enjoyment. If you loose guard, one girl with agbalumo breast would finish it on your behalf.

Oddly specific eh?

GloriousGbola:


Oddly specific eh?

sisisioge:


Your dude must be a yoruba guy! Once they see a woman capable of handling things, they let you do it. Hian! Didnt you know that "sense of responsibility" is a thing that must be checked in a guy before marrying him? Why in the world would you marry a guy comfortable with you wearing the trousers? Those guys that would not buy stuff for you while dating, pick some of your bills or simply give you money to sort things turn out to be terrible husbands when it comes to holding the material angle of the home. Money is important! Whew! It will only get worse o and by the time the kids are grown,you would have out grown your youthful years embittered with a terrible husband. Poor you.

Life is tough though, you choose your battles. It is well.

I hope they listen and not overplay the independence card.

A man can be violent, aggressive, adulterous, but if he has a high sense of responsibility, there would be a part of that woman that would be softened for him. You hardly forget men like that because you just know if they were present, things would be getting done!

BUT if you are the most loving man with a low sense of responsibility, I can assure you that your woman would perpetually be irritated.

And no, you don’t need to have billions to have a high sense of responsibility. You just need to have that sense of duty to your loved ones and be very intuitive. Know when to do something and do it!

pocohantas:


I hope they listen and not overplay the independence card.

A man can be violent, aggressive, adulterous, but if he has a high sense of responsibility, there would be a part of that woman that would be softened for him. You hardly forget men like that because you just know if they were present, things would be getting done!

BUT if you are the most loving man with a low sense of responsibility, I can assure you that your woman would perpetually be irritated.

And no, you don’t need to have billions to have a high sense of responsibility. You just need to have that sense of duty to your loved ones and be very intuitive. Know when to do something and do it!

Spot on...a good man must have that sense of responsibility!

PrimadonnaO:



I 100% agree with you.

Girls think they're scoring high with a guy when he gives them nothing and she doesn't ask or complain.

They don't know they're setting up themselves for future burdens if they do get married.


Most responsible men simply take care of their women.

They demonstrate love and a a sense of responsibility by providing and protecting.

When I see a man who doesn't do that, I abort mission mentally.

its not a question of 100% or opinion the truth base on reality is gurlz with moderate or low demand are given higher score on men score sheet. they're the gurlz our buddies dare not talk about anyhow
Whether a gurl demands or not, a real man (as babe will say ) we alway act responsible & identify his babe needs,even sort it without her asking while a stingy man no matter the demand, if he is not willing chichi no go drop into that gurlz hand.
An independent woman as nothing to fear as far as the future is concern,the question is how do leeches survive in marriage when the atm stop dispensing