Jayso1234:


You are correct, however, we are only getting one side of the story and I was being optimistic from the view that since he says she has been bringing up grievances against him, he is not entirely innocent. Perhaps he has apologized before and then reverted back. The poster says he has changed, so I will give him the benefit of the doubt, but depending on the offences, it may be hard for her to forgive. Perhaps this next meeting would determine everything, but it seems the poster has already made up his mind. A lot of men have responded, but it seems not many women have. Just because she was talking to the other man, does not mean she has moved on. Perhaps she is trying to be hard because she felt unfairly treated. Any way, the ball is in their court.

You're right.

Bush2013:
Your health is important for us, leave that girl now to save yourself from dying of hypertensive heart disease. When going go with a family member who will be given you head up there

Bush thanks a lot,the dad told me to come alone that its not yet a full family matter,but I won't try that my pastor has asked me to go with two of my family members.The mum called me that I should carry them in my ride and come down but by morrow I will call her to tell her that won't be possible in a polite manner,she should look for her way as she said initially.

It appears your relationship is near extinction; if that happens, two important lessons: first, it is not a good idea to report your partner to her parents often. By reporting her, you are implicitly telling them, "see what you raised". Besides, and regardless of how much they love you, they will not choose you over their daughter. They may scold her before you but behind your back, their impression of you may not be all that pleasant. Second, you are not her parent but a boyfriend. Eventhough you have a child together, it is not your place to tell her how to dress. You can discuss your opinion about it and how you feel but not impose your will. There is no hierarch in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and by admonishing her, you are indirectly creating a hierarchy which she naturally may resent. She is a grown woman in the university with her own mind and I bet, it was her dressing that got your attention. Now you feel insecure and attempting to subjugate her. What will you do when you are married Mr, control freak. You promised to change but instantly cried to her parents when you did not have your way. I strongly suggest you look inwards to find out what is making her loose interest in you. And why did you decide to transfer money and buy provision when you are quarreling? This is what bullies do, she knows it is not from your heart, you simply wanted to appease her and return to your ways when things normalize. She may be more intelligent than you give her credit. As a father, you should be responsible to your child and provide not just when asked but as a duty. A woman knows when she is loved and respected and will often reciprocate. She also knows when she is been taken for granted. Try and show more compassion and respect, maybe, just maybe, you can rejuvenate the love and relationship you had. Just my opinion.

mankettle:
Focus on your daughter and make plans for her schooling etc. As for your wife and her parents, she has achieved her target which is to be educated. The male friend is probably shagging her. So just free her and take care of your kid.

hmmmmm...that shagging is what I want to hear because that is the truth

DocH:
She doesn't love you. Let her go. If you continue, you may come back here in 3 years to say hide my ID.

You sabi the gizzard

LilMissFavvy:
Most women would be happy to marry the man they once had a child for, so if she is doing otherwise, it means you have been a bad partner. You mentioned that she brought up your past deeds. You cannot control her like a robot, accept her dressing, or let her be.If you wish to keep her, then change your character for the best.

You be available "dodoyo"....you think shallow and can't comprehend that she is messing with op's head. He should quit the rubble of a relationship, make a smack on his head and move on with his life.

chinwezdasilva:


I know this crab you call advice must always come from a lady

She has crumbs in her head instead of brain......

MYDEBBY:


Bravo my senior colleague,thanks for you superb counsel,sincerely it is her friends that are unmarried that deceived her.but after all my spendings and she did this to me,she must regret the tears I shed pleading to her.Thanks once again.

Please bro add this to it, don't ever look back by thinking she is gonna change or come through it by calling you.....she has no love for you.....she is a bitch, try and collect your daughter with the aid of your family cuz she might influence your daughter with negative vibes..I pray not to meet this kinda woman in my life that's why I don't date girls with lot of friends....when a girl have more than enough friends she tend to listen to the negative instructions from them and to influence her in negative manner will be easy so just loosen up and get yourself a pretty good woman....one is already waiting for you just look around...cheers

Skmoda360:

Please bro add this to it, don't ever look back by thinking she is gonna change or come through it by calling you.....she has no love for you.....she is a bitch, try and collect your daughter with the aid of your family cuz she might influence your daughter with negative vibes..I pray not to meet this kinda woman in my life that's why I don't date girls with lot of friends....when a girl have more than enough friends she tend to listen to the negative instructions from them and to influence her in negative manner will be easy so just loosen up and get yourself a pretty good woman....one is already waiting for you just look around...cheers

Thanks Skmoda360, no looking back.

drmikeadams:



Stop training girls in school in the name of u want to marry her
The story never ends well

will they ever hear word? Some of them cant even give their siblings a dime bc of the so called girl that will be sleeping around with little guys in school


Op pls count ur loses and move on. Go get urslf a wife. Marriage can make u die young. Marrying this present lady means u will be signing ur death cert bc of HBP. Imagine a wife telling the husband a male that visited her isn't his business?hmm God forbid o

It's obvious she is done. And it's better you move on while you still can. And please, stop sending her money. Pay your daughter's fees directly to the school. Buy whatever she needs but avoid giving the money to your wife.

She has chosen her path, let her handle herself

LilMissFavvy:
Most women would be happy to marry the man they once had a child for, so if she is doing otherwise, it means you have been a bad partner. You mentioned that she brought up your past deeds. You cannot control her like a robot, accept her dressing, or let her be.If you wish to keep her, then change your character for the best.

I'm afraid you are insane. How many times will he apologize? Even God forgives, then who is she? One thing I hate particularly about you women is you all are the same one and ten pence. What do you mean he should change? He already asked for forgiveness doesn't that alone say he's already changed and he does love her no matter what? You are typically insane.


To @op, leave the bitch, look for a younger girl who loves you for you. Plus there's no such thing as love. Look for a wife and a mother who can give your kids home training. Tankio

Omar09:


I'm afraid you are insane. How many times will he apologize? Even God forgives, then who is she? One thing I hate particularly about you women is you all are the same one and ten pence. What do you mean he should change? He already asked for forgiveness doesn't that alone say he's already changed and he does love her no matter what? You are typically insane.


To @op, leave the bitch, look for a younger girl who loves you for you. Plus there's no such thing as love. Look for a wife and a mother who can give your kids home training. Tankio

Thanks Omar

MYDEBBY:



Thanks Omar

You welcome sir

Cutest answer of the millennium

drmikeadams:



Stop training girls in school in the name of u want to marry her
The story never ends well

excessmon:
Cutest answer of the millennium

Unforunately my brother,guys no dey hear . Before décembre another mumu brother go open another thread on this same topic

Vikky014:
will they ever hear word? Some of them cant even give their siblings a dime bc of the so called girl that will be sleeping around with little guys in school


Op pls count ur loses and move on. Go get urslf a wife. Marriage can make u die young. Marrying this present lady means u will be signing ur death cert bc of HBP. Imagine a wife telling the husband a male that visited her isn't his business?hmm God forbid o

School environment wey fine boys dey,rich kids dey ,Yahoo boiz dey,politician kids,
Even if the girl na virgin mary,any of those boys go use sweet mouth,efizy and flexing confuse am

MYDEBBY:
Dear Nairalander I greet you all.Pls I need candid advice,I have dated my wife for over six years with an issue,and now that we have done traditional rites and about to climax with white wedding she is giving flimsy excuses that she is no longer interested in me.She is currently in final year and has drastically changed in her dressing and attitude towards due to influence of friends in school. Often I do report incidences of her recent poor dressing to her parents after cautioning her she will channel the grievances to me.The recent one made her so angry that she started recanting all my past mistakes which she and her family are aware of and have resolved since now using it as an excuse against me that she is no longer interested. She kept mute for over two weeks due to anger yet I still transferred money twice to her but up till now she did not acknowledged it,only for her to send text that she need money for our daughters school fees.I then decide to visit them off campus where they stay yesterday with lots of provision yet she could not say a common thank you.While I was still making peace with her asking her to forgive me for whatever wrong I have done to her by reporting her to her parents,promising not to do so again,a guy knocked the door,and she went out after the guy I asked a relation who was there who was the guy and he said he is my wife's friend,I quickly followed them on citing me the guy diverted after their discussion about me.when we then entered the house I asked her who was the guy and she said that's not my business. I kept quiet.after a while I called her parents to tell them the situation of things that their daughter said she is no longer interested they now asked us to come down to the village to see them this coming weekend.I know things are not alright somewhere and as such I need straight forward advice on what to do.pls no insult just help out.Thanks

Op, another action you should take is stop calling her or asking after her,dont chat her,DONT ever send money to her again anything you want to do for your kid that involves money make sure you go there to confirm or pay to the recipients account .DONT ever pay money to her account again.
If you are the one paying her school fees and other accessories stop forthwith,the parents are aware of everything ,they just wanted you to finish paying her school fees ,later they will tell you they cannot force their daughter marry who she does not like.

My best advice is to tell them you are no more interested in the marriage, you will be surprised by your girl reaction,as long as you keep pleading she would continue misbehaving,if possible you should call her or text her and tell you are no more interested in the marriage ,then lock up and be unavailable for comments and peace talks

MYDEBBY:


Mpree Sir,sincerely I suspect this,the girl ask me to go my way that she will find her way too how come the mother is now asking me to go and carry them,I smell something fishy here Mpree.

Op, another action you should take is stop calling her or asking after her,dont chat her,DONT ever send money to her again anything you want to do for your kid that involves money make sure you go there to confirm or pay to the recipients account .DONT ever pay money to her account again.
If you are the one paying her school fees and other accessories stop forthwith,the parents are aware of everything ,they just wanted you to finish paying her school fees ,later they will tell you they cannot force their daughter marry who she does not like.

My best advice is to tell them you are no more interested in the marriage, you will be surprised by your girl reaction,as long as you keep pleading she would continue misbehaving,if possible you should call her or text her and tell you are no more interested in the marriage ,then lock up and be unavailable for comments and peace talks

mp3ree:



Op, another action you should take is stop calling her or asking after her,dont chat her,DONT ever send money to her again anything you want to do for your kid that involves money make sure you go there to confirm or pay to the recipients account .DONT ever pay money to her account again.
If you are the one paying her school fees and other accessories stop forthwith,the parents are aware of everything ,they just wanted you to finish paying her school fees ,later they will tell you they cannot force their daughter marry who she does not like.

My best advice is to tell them you are no more interested in the marriage, you will be surprised by your girl reaction,as long as you keep pleading she would continue misbehaving,if possible you should call her or text her and tell you are no more interested in the marriage ,then lock up and be unavailable for comments and peace talks

Thanks Mpree your counsels are well received.

drmikeadams:


School environment wey fine boys dey,rich kids dey ,Yahoo boiz dey,politician kids,
Even if the girl na virgin mary,any of those boys go use sweet mouth,efizy and flexing confuse am

Not true. was never carried away while in school. not evrybody indulge in such act pls

Thanks all for all your support,prayers and counsel,like I did promised I will update the house. We had the meeting inside the church as decided by her parents.after prayers the father asked what is my complaint,I told him exactly what I wrote in my initial post which you all read.The dad asked her if what I said is true she accepted it to be true but also at the same time said I like painting things to suit myself so that people will support me,after saying all I said I then said am done with her too since she first said she is done with me in my initial post. Immediately I said that I then said I will like to take my child.it was at this juncture the dad said I will take my daughter but not now,while the mum said its not possible for me to take her.The mum and dad then started to recant all the abortions and randy(womanizing behaviour),and some negative attitudes I had put up with their daughter which their daughter opened up to them on with tears rolling down the eyes of her parents,herself and myself.It was at this juncture I discovered that being inside church I have done a lot harm to the little girl all these years we have been dating unknowingly to me,my eyes became clear that I knelt down and started to ask God and herself and her parents for forgiveness.They then forgave me and prayed for me and their daughter.After which they asked her if she is still interested in me,she said yes,but that she expected me to keep apologising to her even after she said she is done with me.She also said that if we are to continue I must prove to her by my love and character that we need to start afresh again so as to convince her.The parents then urge her to forgive me and forget that a new beginning and chapter has opened now that as for me I should show am serious by completing marital stuff. After which we prayed and left.
The following morning being sunday,I was called by her Parents in their house it was at this point the scolded their daughter concerning all my complaints,they ask her to be going to church,dress moderately avoid trousers and influence her friends positively instead of allowing her friends influence her negatively.She then agreed to adjust in her ways. Before I left I then asked her once again if she is still interested she said yes and that God is her witness that since she met me she has never slept with any other man.Her parents still asked her the same question if she is still interested she said yes but I would need to build the love I killed in her heart once again.It was at this point the parents then said its a gradual healing process,that what is most important now is for me to show how serious I am by completing the marital stuff.it was at this point I brought out my daughter school fees and other money for their upkeep and gave to her,I then went out to buy other provisions and foodstuff they needed and drove them back to their base.on reaching their base she said I should not bother carrying things upstairs for them that she would call me on phone,that if I insist to carry I can still do so.At this point I didn't bother but drove off to my own base.Later in the evening her parents called me to thank me for all I bought and for the care shown I thanked them back,before I slept their daughter called me to say she just wanted to check on me to know how am doing I said am fine.She also ask me to help subscribe their gotv which I did.
Then this morning I called them to know how they are doing.This afternoon she called to tell me she is done with school for today and going to pay my little daughters fees in her school that some little more money will be needed since she is going to a new class.which I promised her I would send later. House this is how I went.
Did I do well? I stand to be corrected or advised Pls note her parents shed tears cos of the ways I have handled her and all the delay in the marriage stuff yet they were believing in me,that was why I had to apologise knowing fully well we are in Gods presence.And she too said she has forgiven me. Thanks all for anticipated inputs


Cc
Dominique
Seun
Mynd44
Fynestboi

Please push the update above,thanks


Cc
Lalasticlala
Seun
Mynd44
Dominique
Obinoscopy

Oga but u didn't expantiate on ur own faults too. You only told us u wronged her and she forgave u.

My own take on this is; u are the one with the shoe and u know where it pinches. I can't tell u to leave her or accept their apologies. A man has to be bold enough to take responsibility of his action or inaction. You had ur own faults too and she paid u back in ur own coin. Also remember u've taken a life(abortion) whatever consequences that comes out of it, accept it faithfully cos u'll reap what u sow.

Best of luck in ur marriage and don't for once stop reporting any of her actions u can't control.

Remember this; a woman does not take the decision of divorce or break relationship in a day, it's a decision they have been nursing for a while and only looking for an excuse to take action.
Hence don't believe it's ended there. keep a tab on every of her moves before u tie the knot completely, a Leopard never changes its spot they only camouflage with the forest.
Pretence is the number one weapon of every woman use to deceive men.
Be on the lookout bro. it doesn't end there.

You are a weak man. The girl has you where she wants you. I really feel like serving it to you hot but, it's not worth it, you still won't learn. During my own episode, even though I was vulnerable, I still wasn't as weak as you are. She just sees you as a means to an end, nothing more. Her parents are also playing on your emotions, using you to perform their responsibilities. You will learn.

MYDEBBY:
Thanks all for all your support,prayers and counsel,like I did promised I will update the house. We had the meeting inside the church as decided by her parents.after prayers the father asked what is my complaint,I told him exactly what I wrote in my initial post which you all read.The dad asked her if what I said is true she accepted it to be true but also at the same time said I like painting things to suit myself so that people will support me,after saying all I said I then said am done with her too since she first said she is done with me in my initial post. Immediately I said that I then said I will like to take my child.it was at this juncture the dad said I will take my daughter but not now,while the mum said its not possible for me to take her.The mum and dad then started to recant all the abortions and randy(womanizing behaviour),and some negative attitudes I had put up with their daughter which their daughter opened up to them on with tears rolling down the eyes of her parents,herself and myself.It was at this juncture I discovered that being inside church I have done a lot harm to the little girl all these years we have been dating unknowingly to me,my eyes became clear that I knelt down and started to ask God and herself and her parents for forgiveness.They then forgave me and prayed for me and their daughter.After which they asked her if she is still interested in me,she said yes,but that she expected me to keep apologising to her even after she said she is done with me.She also said that if we are to continue I must prove to her by my love and character that we need to start afresh again so as to convince her.The parents then urge her to forgive me and forget that a new beginning and chapter has opened now that as for me I should show am serious by completing marital stuff. After which we prayed and left.
The following morning being sunday,I was called by her Parents in their house it was at this point the scolded their daughter concerning all my complaints,they ask her to be going to church,dress moderately avoid trousers and influence her friends positively instead of allowing her friends influence her negatively.She then agreed to adjust in her ways. Before I left I then asked her once again if she is still interested she said yes and that God is her witness that since she met me she has never slept with any other man.Her parents still asked her the same question if she is still interested she said yes but I would need to build the love I killed in her heart once again.It was at this point the parents then said its a gradual healing process,that what is most important now is for me to show how serious I am by completing the marital stuff.it was at this point I brought out my daughter school fees and other money for their upkeep and gave to her,I then went out to buy other provisions and foodstuff they needed and drove them back to their base.on reaching their base she said I should not bother carrying things upstairs for them that she would call me on phone,that if I insist to carry I can still do so.At this point I didn't bother but drove off to my own base.Later in the evening her parents called me to thank me for all I bought and for the care shown I thanked them back,before I slept their daughter called me to say she just wanted to check on me to know how am doing I said am fine.She also ask me to help subscribe their gotv which I did.
Then this morning I called them to know how they are doing.This afternoon she called to tell me she is done with school for today and going to pay my little daughters fees in her school that some little more money will be needed since she is going to a new class.which I promised her I would send later. House this is how I went.
Did I do well? I stand to be corrected or advised Pls note her parents shed tears cos of the ways I have handled her and all the delay in the marriage stuff yet they were believing in me,that was why I had to apologise knowing fully well we are in Gods presence.And she too said she has forgiven me. Thanks all for anticipated inputs


Cc
Dominique
Seun
Mynd44
Fynestboi

Tokziby:
Oga but u didn't expantiate on ur own faults too. You only told us u wronged her and she forgave u.

My own take on this is; u are the one with the shoe and u know where it pinches. I can't tell u to leave her or accept their apologies. A man has to be bold enough to take responsibility of his action or inaction. You had ur own faults too and she paid u back in ur own coin. Also remember u've taken a life(abortion) whatever consequences that comes out of it, accept it faithfully cos u'll reap what u sow.

Best of luck in ur marriage and don't for once stop reporting any of her actions u can't control.

Remember this; a woman does not take the decision of divorce or break relationship in a day, it's a decision they have been nursing for a while and only looking for an excuse to take action.
Hence don't believe it's ended there. keep a tab on every of her moves before u tie the knot completely, a Leopard never changes its spot they only camouflage with the forest.
Pretence is the number one weapon of every woman use to deceive men.
Be on the lookout bro. it doesn't end there.

I hear you sir,despite every thing am still on a neutral gear waiting for the best or worse,I will only play my part and leave the rest for God.

[quote author=Illuminated993 post=82710791]You are a weak man. The girl has you where she wants you. I really feel like serving it to you hot but, it's not worth it, you still won't learn. During my own episode, even though I was vulnerable, I still wasn't as weak as you are. [/quote

I have done the best within my capacity before God and man( fair play). However my mind is at a neutral gear now waiting for the best or worst.
I only broke down because my own wrongs I have even forgotten were brought out to me,and I don't need any curse in my life since we are in the church,I had to apologise.Whether we marry now or not is not my desperation. But the way things played out have shown and will still prove am genuine.Left for her but am on the look.

Illuminated993:
You are a weak man. The girl has you where she wants you. I really feel like serving it to you hot but, it's not worth it, you still won't learn. During my own episode, even though I was vulnerable, I still wasn't as weak as you are.

have done the best within my capacity before God and man( fair play). However my mind is at a neutral gear now waiting for the best or worst.
I only broke down because my own wrongs I have even forgotten were brought out to me,and I don't need any curse in my life since we are in the church,I had to apologise.Whether we marry now or not is not my desperation. But the way things played out have shown and will still prove am genuine.Left for her but am on the look

She doesn't love you. Let her go. If you continue, you may come back here in 3 years to say hide my ID.

And u said it

Foodqueen:


And u said it

For real. It was said. This real life story taught me a great lesson. Patterns dont change themselves despite how hopeful we humans think or want it to be.