₦airaland Forum

Guys I genuinely need some advice
Because of the state of my mental health I have decided never to get married or have kids.

I suffer from intense depression and anxiety and other mental health problems. I'm unsure of my own future talk more of a child.

I do love being in relationships but I do that only for companionship and sex.

I don't know if I will regret my decision. The guys I have dated have been cool with my no marriage proposal but I don't think any Nigerian man will not want kids.

I'm thinking of moving to another country, buy a house, take care of my community and neighbors then when I'm old, I will move to a retirement home.

If I change my mind I can adopt a child, am not against adoption as I am with marriage, it depends on if my mental health improves.

The problem I have is that will I be lonely without a child, like I said I'm not into marriage despite being a woman trained in traditional home, it's not that I hate it or anything, it's not just for me. I will be unhappy being married.

But the child thing is bothering me, I always wanted a child, but i don't want my mental health to prevent me from loving and caring for the child.

Please advise.

Poswahala:
Guys I genuinely need some advice
Because of the state of my mental health I have decided never to get married or have kids, I suffer from intense depression and anxiety and other mental health problems. I'm unsure of my own future talk more of a child.
I do love being in relationships but I do that only for companionship and sex.
I don't know if I will regret my decision. The guys I have dated have been cool with my no marriage proposal but I don't think any Nigerian man will not want kids.
I'm thinking of moving to another country, buy a house, take care of my community and neighbors then when I'm old, I will move to a retirement home.
If I change my mind I can adopt a child, am not against adoption as I am with marriage, it depends on if my mental health improves

The problem I have is that will I be lonely without a child, like I said I'm not into marriage despite being a woman trained in traditional home, it's not that I hate it or anything, it's not just for me. I will be unhappy being married.
But the child thing is bothering me, I always wanted a child, but i don't want my mental health to prevent me from loving and caring for the child.
Please advise

This decision is self destructive.

Do what will please you.

Why not start from a mental home first. Take care of the problem.

A lot of Nigerian women have mental problem but they call it “mood swings”

Poswahala:
Guys I genuinely need some advice
Because of the state of my mental health I have decided never to get married or have kids, I suffer from intense depression and anxiety and other mental health problems. I'm unsure of my own future talk more of a child.
I do love being in relationships but I do that only for companionship and sex.
I don't know if I will regret my decision. The guys I have dated have been cool with my no marriage proposal but I don't think any Nigerian man will not want kids.
I'm thinking of moving to another country, buy a house, take care of my community and neighbors then when I'm old, I will move to a retirement home.
If I change my mind I can adopt a child, am not against adoption as I am with marriage, it depends on if my mental health improves

The problem I have is that will I be lonely without a child, like I said I'm not into marriage despite being a woman trained in traditional home, it's not that I hate it or anything, it's not just for me. I will be unhappy being married.
But the child thing is bothering me, I always wanted a child, but i don't want my mental health to prevent me from loving and caring for the child.
Please advise

Which guy will reject this term and condition?

Poswahala:
Guys I genuinely need some advice
Because of the state of my mental health I have decided never to get married or have kids, I suffer from intense depression and anxiety and other mental health problems. I'm unsure of my own future talk more of a child.
I do love being in relationships but I do that only for companionship and sex.
I don't know if I will regret my decision. The guys I have dated have been cool with my no marriage proposal but I don't think any Nigerian man will not want kids.
I'm thinking of moving to another country, buy a house, take care of my community and neighbors then when I'm old, I will move to a retirement home.
If I change my mind I can adopt a child, am not against adoption as I am with marriage, it depends on if my mental health improves

The problem I have is that will I be lonely without a child, like I said I'm not into marriage despite being a woman trained in traditional home, it's not that I hate it or anything, it's not just for me. I will be unhappy being married.
But the child thing is bothering me, I always wanted a child, but i don't want my mental health to prevent me from loving and caring for the child.
Please advise

If u want to or do not want to get married....that's yr decision to make
But pls endeavour to multiply

Take care of your mental health first . Remember children are important at old age , if not marriage and so called Love and relationship are just scam .

U sounds like you're rice why not adopt at least 3 children now and find nanny that will help you in taking care of them.

Seek help for your health first.

Single or married, you're in line if you're happy.

Only that you'd need people around when you're old, weak and frayed.
And by then, your immediate family — brothers, sisters et al might just be busy with their own families.

So, whatever you decide, have those times at the back of your mind.

Carcholce:
Why not start from a mental home first. Take care of the problem.

A lot of Nigerian women have mental problem but they call it “mood swings”

Please am not suffering from mood swings..this is something that is affecting my life and not some mood swings

Carcholce:
Why not start from a mental home first. Take care of the problem.

A lot of Nigerian women have mental problem but they call it “mood swings”

lol

its because you depressed thats why u think like that, u will come back to your senses

Poswahala:
Please am not suffering from mood swings..this is something that is affecting my life and not some mood swings

Mood swings affects life.

That is what a girl i knew said when she was 19 years

My dear, in as much as I share your pains and emotions. Please, you must understand that there is a big difference between adoption and a biological one, please if you can in any way try as much to give birth to one at least. And try seek for assistance on how to manage your issue. wishing you an improving health. Know that you are not alone.

You have not met the man God designed for you. The man that is strong where you are weak. The man that is not like you but is compatible with you. That's why you are scared for no tangible reason.

Let no one deceive you, marriage is the sweetest thing in life. Joy of motherhood is unquantifiable. Before it is late for you, seek the face of God in marriage.

There's a lot of Nigerian men who don't want children. They are called anti natalist. You just havent met them yet but they exist.

Newton2024:
You have not met the man God designed for you. The man that is strong where you are weak. The man that is not like you but is compatible with you. That's why you are scared for no tangible reason.

Let no one deceive you, marriage is the sweetest thing in life. Joy of motherhood is unquantifiable. Before it is late for you, seek the face of God in marriage.

This is what people say and think before marriage but how many married people can stand and say what you just said with all sincerity?

Lol

Send me a DM

Medianna:
This is what people say and think before marriage but how many married people can stand and say what you just said with all sincerity?

I can say it with all sincerity. My life is now better of than when I was single. I used to be sad and depressed but now I am happy and joyful. If couples possess fruits of the spirit and follow biblical principles on relationship, all marriages would be lively.

Enemies of marriage nowadays:
- ego (my decision is final and I can't apologize)
- comparison (my spouse must be like the spouse I watch on TV)
- faulty mindset
- lack of self-control
- etc

Newton2024:
I can say it with all sincerity. My life is now better of than when I was single. I used to be sad and depressed but now I am happy and joyful. If couples possess fruits of the spirit and follow biblical principles on relationship, all marriages would be lively.

Enemies of marriage nowadays:
- ego (my decision is final and I can't apologize)
- comparison (my spouse must be like the spouse I watch on TV)
- faulty mindset
- lack of self-control
- etc

Interesting. happy for you

Is there any quality retirement homes in Nigeria?

Plan am well oh!

tensazangetsu20:
There's a lot of Nigerian men who don't want children. They are called anti natalist. You just havent met them yet but they exist.

Am one of them .

Attention seeking. Come back at age 39 then declare it. OP is surely under 19 years of age.

Poswahala:
Guys I genuinely need some advice
Because of the state of my mental health I have decided never to get married or have kids, I suffer from intense depression and anxiety and other mental health problems. I'm unsure of my own future talk more of a child.
I do love being in relationships but I do that only for companionship and sex.
I don't know if I will regret my decision. The guys I have dated have been cool with my no marriage proposal but I don't think any Nigerian man will not want kids.
I'm thinking of moving to another country, buy a house, take care of my community and neighbors then when I'm old, I will move to a retirement home.
If I change my mind I can adopt a child, am not against adoption as I am with marriage, it depends on if my mental health improves

The problem I have is that will I be lonely without a child, like I said I'm not into marriage despite being a woman trained in traditional home, it's not that I hate it or anything, it's not just for me. I will be unhappy being married.
But the child thing is bothering me, I always wanted a child, but i don't want my mental health to prevent me from loving and caring for the child.
Please advise

You will be very lonely at old age.
Marriage na scam, just make sure you have a child at least.
There is this joy I do have when I see babies, I do anticipate for mine.
Take care of your mental health

Good for you, live life to the fullest.

@ Poswahala

Dont worry about it, you will be fine. But you should know as humans age, they need people to share their voice/problem with. They also need people to support them financially and morally... In all this role, having a child solves the problem.

You might argue that you can adopt a child a raise him/her. The truth is, as humans, deep down you know the child is not yours.
Coupled with the fact that your mental health is not balanced, it would be a bigger risk trying to raise and train a child that is not yours
having your own child is as important as preparing towards the future

Whether you have a kid or not you'll be lonely. Your kids will at some point leave you to go start their life in another city or country. That's the reason some sane countries have frameworks for recreational facilities for the older folks.

^^^ That's the reason why most of them (old) folks are easy prey for Yahoo boiz.

From the conclusion of your post you so much want your own child. If that is so, why not heal, go see a therapist and then channel all your heart and strength to loving your child (like that's the only thing you'll get right in life).

Remember having a kid doesn't mean you won't be lonely when you're older. They've got to go live their life.

Are you receiving treatment for your mental health issues?. That's the most important question. I have same and mine is completely unnoticed and I'm living a normal life tho on meds. You'll be fine.

cherryCola:
Am one of them .

Makes us two sir.

JoyousFurnitire:
Whether you have a kid or not you'll be lonely. Your kids will at some point leave you to go start their life in another city or country. That's the reason some sane countries have frameworks for recreational facilities for the older folks.

^^^ That's the reason why most of them (old) folks are easy prey for Yahoo boiz.

From the conclusion of your post you so much want your own child. If that is so, why not heal, go see a therapist and then channel all your heart and strength to loving your child (like that's the only thing you'll get right in life).

Remember having a kid doesn't mean you won't be lonely when you're older. They've got to go live their life.

Most sensible response so far.