Kobojunkie:
I don't attack..I am instead straight to the point.

It is indeed delusional to consider that all those who live in the west believe in sharing bills. There are way too many cultures from all different parts of the world for anyone to accept such reasoning as valid.

Also, right there in Nigeria, there are many men married to women who Share bills with them. Not because it magically happened to them but because they both agreed to such an arrangement. Marriage is after all an agreement between a man and a woman
.so commonsense is if you want your wife to share bills with you, you do not go out and marry a woman who does not agree with such.

I said its a norm, i never said everybody does it..they are two different things..i dont know where u got that from..
. sharing bills is not a norm in nigeria...take it or leave it.....thats why said it naturally causes fight in many homes when the woman does it

Kobojunkie:
Like I have said umpteen times now, we don't have enough of the background information on the actual couple to decide who the Saint or demon is in this case.

And am putting it to you isn't about saint and demon.....is about doing what right.

Life happens even if you like 10× your hustle .....sometimes you will go broke.

Not every man will be rich no matter how smart or hard they work.

It is wickedness when we try to do double standard.....no matter what the husband must have done to her she must think about her children.......preferring your kids going homeless when you could help with rent is serious a sign of madness.

Kobojunkie:
Try to be less emotional in your assessment of these issues and may be you will be better able to see beyond your hatred.

We don't know the exact reason for why this woman has chosen to withhold what she has so she can instead have it available for future(as we assume here). Neither did her husband reveal this reason for us. So it is rash to conclude she is being wicked simply on the comment of the man's relative here.

The reasons is clearly stated: "that is the man's responsibility". It's right there.

In every marriage thread it's a given that you will show up to take the woman's side. Why is that?

Ayinke93:
So you want your uncle to leave his matrimonial home because of this small issue. You want him to join the liberated brothers? This is sad. What happened to advising him to kneel to god in prayers and fasting to change the heart of his wife? Why don’t we have praying men that believe in fighting for their marriage anymore ?
Also I’m sure your uncle annoyed this woman. What did he do that made I change towards him?

Leave God out of this sister.

Life about choices ........God can't decide your choices for you.

He gave us consciences so we can be judge.

Emma2Seconds:
Doings Get Levels Ok.!!!

You get mouth. You are mouthfully mouthful.

SmartyPants:
The reasons is clearly stated: "that is the man's responsibility". It's right there.

In every marriage thread it's a given that you will show up to take the woman's side. Why is that?

The man's responsibility to do what exactly? What are you on about abeg?

Just tell your uncle to peacefully divorce for his own sanity sake.

A stingy woman is a potential murderer.

Actions Speaks louder than voice ok!! Try It And See Your Life Changer With Immediate Effects ok. No Be everybody dey Buy Una Shits ok.

Ishilove:

You get mouth. You are mouthfully mouthful.

As long as I'm concern, marriage is not by force.

Some will say it's because of the children but I'm telling you , everybody go dey alright, including the children.

cayorday89:

You people over exaggerate this 'iron hand' of a thing, it does not work for every human, I believe there should be balance in any form of relationship you find yourself as it might boomerang if life plays one the wrong card.. What someone like him needs is the ability to provide more/or increase his income, not for the wife but for the sake of the children, and also have a good understanding with his wife and palm the way forward to invest jointly to meet long term goals... But trust is the bane of most relationship whether old or young..

Well u are right that it doesn't work for everybody but everybody has to cultivate it, that's just d fact. Let d man be d troublemaker in d family and d other way, that's d only way for him to hv peace. When dealing with naija women my brother, u need that iron hand

ReneJay:
Good day nairalanders
....
Matured advice please.

I hope this isn't a content writing gig meant to drive traffic but real issue.
Her money is not her own in anyway. According to biblical pattern the woman too are contributors but only exempted from risky and heavy jobs. They kept the vine, processed the harvest, were the major harvesters, took care of kids and more. Adapting the above scenario to modern cases, all these services are perfectly exchangeable for money and therefore if biblical woman labour was for benefit of the home as regards day to day needs, her money too shouldn't be any different.

and why your own headache

On the issue of rent, God will provide for your uncle. For the other attitude she has and not being supportive, tell your uncle not to allow anyone dictate his peace of mind. He should do what he knows he's capable of and try furnish his own future too.

faithfull18:
If she changed five years into the marriage, then you should find out why. An action from your uncle could have triggered the reaction.

Spot on! Let the family elders find out why she changed:, she may have discovered that your uncle had secret expenses and changed henceforth. A hitherto reasonable woman does not suddenly become unreasonable without cause.

kazyhm:
The op is a gal......it is very surprising.


She is exhibiting this same attitude toward her boyfriend and will most likely behave like her uncle's wife when she get married...


Then why is she concern ?

1) Maybe because it is her beloved uncle that is at the receiving end.

2)Maybe she is worried because the uncle's wife is doing it before she starts her own.....(women don't like competition)... especially with someone ahead

3) Maybe because her uncle's wife is doing her own with a reckless abandon (she even admitted it)

---

Men should understand that they're on there own in marriage

No women takes responsibilities in marriage except when there is an avenue to tell/show the world they are doing it.

Know this, know peace!
Marriage is never a partnership.....it is Husband and a wife arrangement

. Maybe , maybe. Maybe.

faithfull18:
If she changed five years into the marriage, then you should find out why. An action from your uncle could have triggered the reaction.

which foolish action which nonsense reaction ? U people go sha find way to justify wickedness. Haba. Is the ‘house rent’ not for the benefit of the family ? Is the man spending all his salary on himself alone ? What kind of stupidity is this for Christ sake??

Kobojunkie:
The man's responsibility to do what exactly? What are you on about abeg?

You said: "We don't know the exact reason for why this woman has chosen to withhold what she has"

The answer is what I said. We do know. She said it was because it's not her responsibility to spend on the family.

If them slap you now you go say all elders are dumb, persin wife you still want dey dictate how the wife dey handle her matrimonial home. That woman na better wife sef as na land she wan buy, most na weavon and TikTok dem dey spend their time and money.

I can't be judgemental here
Coz a wife that av been with ur uncle blissfully, for 5 years suddenly change without a specific reasons you should know it much more than u guys see on the surface.... Maybe ur uncle did something n keep it as a secret n she find out abt it... Your uncle and his wife need serious talking n coming out clean with each other.... E never reach divorce
Las las if dey settle na the husband go still use the land build house
And one thing is finding a wife that's supportive of you is a blessing not a responsibility...

bigtt76:
Make your uncle try get better job naa. Money makes the world go round, she's not feeling him because money nor de. Once the money starts rolling in, things would be better. You expect the woman to support him financially from the N35k she earns?

she’s not supporting him but the family ma.

Where will they live if they’re served quit notice ??

What made that wife change?
How has he treated his wife? Did he or his family make he feel she could he changed or flung out anytime and not valued?

There are actions frozen that make their wives change in marriage. Before you people castigate and and brand her with wrong names, sit your uncle down and ask him what he had done or said to that woman to break her and toughen her rock hard like zuma rock.

A lot goes on in marriage, if that woman opens up her mouth to tell you what has gone down, you see go shudder.

So Nne, go and ask the right questions than bad name a woman like you.

Ayinke93:
So you want your uncle to leave his matrimonial home because of this small issue. You want him to join the liberated brothers? This is sad. What happened to advising him to kneel to god in prayers and fasting to change the heart of his wife? Why don’t we have praying men that believe in fighting for their marriage anymore ?
Also I’m sure your uncle annoyed this woman. What did he do that made I change towards him?

What kind of nonsense submission is this ? Annoyed her? When the family is on the verge on being sent out .. like is that how to play revenge game ??

I can see all women have same brain and mentality . Look at them in the comment section . Radarada

People just don't wake up and change.

Let your Uncle dig what he has done to warrant a change of behavior five years into the marriage. If I may say ,I am suspecting your uncle was cheating hence his wife decided he has enough money to take care of the house after all if you have money to carry woman it means you have more than enough to spare. .


Or like someone said, if he wants to be head of the house with no input from his wife in how the finances of the family is run, then he should carry his cross.


Her indifference to the plight of her husband and subsequently children ( should they be thrown out) is too uncanny even for a woman who believes her money is only her money.


Tell your uncle to find out what he has done to her.

Godoverevery:

And am putting it to you isn't about saint and demon.....is about doing what right.

Life happens even if you like 10× your hustle .....sometimes you will go broke.

Not every man will be rich no matter how smart or hard they work.

It is wickedness when we try to do double standard.....no matter what the husband must have done to her she must think about her children.......preferring your kids going homeless when you could help with rent is serious a sign of madness.

Right or wrong....saint or demon.... same thing.

Again, for the umpteenth time, I don't believe the information provided here by the man's nephewl/niece is enough to conclude as far as either side.

Another SIMPle dude spotted, I will rather remain single than to be dealing with that type of self centered individual.

advanceDNA:
I said its a norm, i never said everybody does it..they are two different things..i dont know where u got that from..
. sharing bills is not a norm in nigeria...take it or leave it.....thats why said it naturally causes fight in many homes when the woman does it

It is not a norm out here in the west where I live. That it is talked about on TV doesn't mean it is a norm.

Sharing bills does not have to be a norm in Nigeria for you to know that when thinking of dating or marriage, you ought to find for yourself partners who agree with you as far as those values - including sharing of bills - which you hold to.

Emma2Seconds:
Why all these stupid mentality in women.l thought that marriage is a union involving the both husband, Wife, children etc .

Very true, but sadly many men and their families have shown that no matter how wonderful a wife is, she can be made destitute at any freaking moment. Either the guy brings a new woman to displace her without notice; or if he should pass, the family will uproot her from the house with one excuse or another so they can inherit it.

I personally I'm a fan of women getting property in their own name, because too many examples and stories that touch.

OP, have you had a chance to have a sincere talk with your aunty-in-law, without judgment, so you can understand her position on this? It could be something husband said, or did, or something she witnessed to somebody else that triggered her actions. Since we don't know the full story - and I refuse to imagine the uncle is a saint - I will have to tell the man to buck up and face the responsibilities he took on to get married.

SmartyPants:
You said: "We don't know the exact reason for why this woman has chosen to withhold what she has"

The answer is what I said. We do know. She said it was because it's not her responsibility to spend on the family.

I am sorry but your reasoning is yours, not hers since she is the woman who has lived 16 years with this man, where you never have.

So, accept what I have said as my portion and move on..