₦airaland Forum

Nozino:
And the same universe will grant you similar children. Non of your children will be normal.

Your plan to manipulate OP has ended before it kickstart.

CSTRR:
God can use anybody.
That is her step child

She is in a unique position to be used by God for that child.

That doesn't change the fact that she can leave if she wants to.

H0711:
I don't know where she is , the first time I set my eyes on her was the day she dropped the child and I don't think I have any business with her. I am a woman like her she has her reason for dropping her off because taking care of such a child requires a lot of money too. My hubby is not financially stable he couldn't provide for her needs while she couldn't too so her only option was to drop her off with us and I can't also do it. The only option I have is to leave too she is his child he will find a way to take care of her. I don't think nigerian government provides care for such people. The only place he went they said they are happy to keep her in and they will provide all her care but he must pay 200k every month which he can't afford.

Blessedmercy8:
This is what happens when you put the cart before the horse. When you ought to do your findings about who you're getting married to, you were busy consumating sex, getting yourself pregnant and rushing into marriage without proper background checks. Now you want to opt out just like that.

you think marriage is child's play? Or something you can just throw in the trash when the odds are against you? Think again cos this right here is the real marriage. So you have to accept and deal with it.

Oh... You want the man but you don't want his child?
What if it was you who gave birth to the child? Forget about how the mother is not willing to take her therefore you can't keep her excuse you're giving. The father didn't marry her but you. Maybe if he did, she won't abandon the child, so you who won the man should accept his totality.

Do you know what the one you're carrying will turn out to be?

Majority of you marry these days for the benefits. If nothing is in it for you, then you leave. You can't sacrifice and if they ask you now, you'll say you love the man. Mtcheeeeeewwwww..

Pymetrics:
Based on your response to other comments, I sense that the love and affection you have for your husband is not strong. Because within the space of one week of this child arrival, you've already concluded on leaving. Where is the love and affection you show for each other before marriage? Is it easy to discard highly love one within one week? Please check yourself very well. Also assess your [b][/b]hasty decision on a long term plan for you and your child.

As for the disabled child, I'm sorry for her. May Allah ease her condition. However, the mother of that child may purposely drop the child because the man is not giving then upkeep or paying attention to them. It may even be a strategy to drive you out of the house which is working to her plan now. Because such woman may be angry seeing her supposed husband marrying another woman and leaving her with a disabled child.
Recommendation :
-Stay in your husband house while working with him on where to take the child to or how to get fund for a nanny. Set a target of two months for this while you keep enduring.
- Call your husband's family attention to this situation before you leave that house. Some elders within the family may have better Suggestions to resolve the issue.

zedegit:
I wish the roles were reversed so that you can chew what you just vomited.

H0711:
First of all our relationship was based on lies because he didn't tell me anything about her or her condition if he had told me from the onset I would have decided whether to quit or stay but he didn't tell me anything until the mother dropped her off and why would I have suffer for someone else responsibility. My only mistake was marrying him with his lies but his child in that condition is not my responsibility at all. If her mother that carried her for 9 long months cannot do it anymore me too I won't do it because I have done it for a week and I am already tired. Please if you think it is that easy if you are a woman you care enough for her come and marry him and take care of the child or if you are a man ask one of your sisters to come and replace me so she can take care of her.

Adext4sure:
You got married 2 months ago, and you pregnant for 7 months already

Well, may God help you!

Pymetrics:
Based on your response to other comments, I sense that the love and affection you have for your husband is not strong. Because within the space of one week of this child arrival, you've already concluded on leaving. Where is the love and affection you show for each other before marriage? Is it easy to discard highly love one within one week? Please check yourself very well. Also assess your hasty decision on a long term plan for you and your child.

As for the disabled child, I'm sorry for her. May Allah ease her condition. However, the mother of that child may purposely drop the child because the man is not giving then upkeep or paying attention to them. It may even be a strategy to drive you out of the house which is working to her plan now. Because such woman may be angry seeing her supposed husband marrying another woman and leaving her with a disabled child.
Recommendation :
-Stay in your husband house while working with him on where to take the child to or how to get fund for a nanny. Set a target of two months for this while you keep enduring.
- Call your husband's family attention to this situation before you leave that house. Some elders within the family may have better Suggestions to resolve the issue.

H0711:
I got married two months ago. I am 7 months pregnant my husband didn't tell me he had a child from his previous relationship and the child has a disability celebral palsy. Her mother came to dropped her off in my house saying she has done enough and she's tired it is now hubby turn to take care of her.

The child can't do anything for herself she can't sit, talk, walk and she does toilet in her clothes. I can't do it anymore I love children because I have taken care of my own nieces and nephews before I would have taken care of her if she was normal but taking care of a child in this question is hard and if her own mother has had enough she abandoned her and why would I kill myself taking care of her in my condition.

I want to divorce and go back to my village I have told him i am leaving next month. He is pleading with me not to leave him that he will take the child somewhere else but the place is not free he has to be paying like 200k monthly for them to take care of the child and he doesn't even have that amount of money because he is not financial stable.

I will stick to my decision but I want to know what will other people do in my situation.

H0711:
I trapped him with the pregnancy with his 15k salary who does that ?

CSTRR:
God can use anybody.
That is her step child

She is in a unique position to be used by God for that child.

That doesn't change the fact that she can leave if she wants to.

onlinestaff2020:
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

It's my turn to give an objective advice as a parent of more than a decade.

It's so obvious that the op is quite distressed and upset by the unexpected development in her home...Don't blame her because that's what most women are wired to act when faced with this type of shit.

Anyway, the following are the best way outta the dilemma:

1. Sit with your husband at a good time when he's back from work and talk maturely to him that he should be raising some amount to pay a welfare home to take care of the girl and you are going to support him by 50% financially because it's not easy as a father to take care of the home, especially in this godforsaken Buhari regime.

2. You may also follow the same pathway of advising him to hire a maid to take full charge of the girl and automatically the maid will be taking care of other domestic needs and that will even reduce your domestic chores at home...You are going to have a stress free home with this...In addition, tell him you will support by 50% financially in the event that he does not have enough...Don't forget that house maid's salary won't exceed N30,000 buy do a comprehensive background check on her.

3. Thirdly, you may suggest to your husband that he should go back to the mother of his daughter and discuss a way out (settlement of some sorts) of the situation by promising to increase the welfare of both the mother and daughter...Don't forget that you will support him just like in advise 1 and 2 above.

Those are the three major ways above that are objectively reasonable to move forward in this marriage so that you can a decent peace of mind in your home...Don't worry that your husband did not inform you that he had a daughter previously...These things do happen even to the most perfect marriage...The bottom line here is that your husband loves you a great deal and doesn't really want to lose you initially and you love him too, that's why both of you got married, pronto!

Op, if you decide to take the subjective way because of the recent happenings in your marriage, no problem...Let me state the future occurrence that will befall you.

1. If you leave your marriage, you are not actually going to have rest of mind because you have already been affected spiritually...Look at it this way, that cerebral palsy of a daughter's condition is going to haunt you for the rest of your life in many ways untold that I cannot mention here but it will definitely happen to you...You can bet on that!

2. God is going to frown at you because you chickened outta of the situation because you were inconsiderate to the situation whereby you would have continued to show maturity and understanding to the little girl even though she's not your daughter...Don't forget that you may even have a son/daughter like her soon.

Anyway, I'm tired of typing...You can reach me by typing your responses.

Last line, MARRIAGE IS NEVER A BED OF ROSES...Marriage is like Mathematics whereby you need to look for different strategies to solve a given problem and arrive at the solution.

Cheers!

Akalia:
I didn't mean to be ruthlessly careless with words in my initial post, all I was trying to point out is that the woman is not alone in this situation since her husband is still in the picture. That special needs child is now partly her responsibility as she is married to the child's father. Marriage makes it so.
Now let me ask you a question and before you answer please take time to critically think out answer - is divorce the ideal way out of this situation for the woman?

H0711:
I got married two months ago. I am 7 months pregnant my husband didn't tell me he had a child from his previous relationship and the child has a disability celebral palsy. Her mother came to dropped her off in my house saying she has done enough and she's tired it is now hubby turn to take care of her.

The child can't do anything for herself she can't sit, talk, walk and she does toilet in her clothes. I can't do it anymore I love children because I have taken care of my own nieces and nephews before I would have taken care of her if she was normal but taking care of a child in this question is hard and if her own mother has had enough she abandoned her and why would I kill myself taking care of her in my condition.

I want to divorce and go back to my village I have told him i am leaving next month. He is pleading with me not to leave him that he will take the child somewhere else but the place is not free he has to be paying like 200k monthly for them to take care of the child and he doesn't even have that amount of money because he is not financial stable.

I will stick to my decision but I want to know what will other people do in my situation.

HoneySwag:
You're married for just 2 months, and pregnant for 7 months, looks like you trapped him with pregnancy.

fman:
Heya...
I feel ur pains..
U r just a mum.
The baby's father is your hubby.
Don't give up.
Life has challenges..
But we never give up.
Be strong..
Talk to ur husband about your feelings.
You guys can get a foster care/home for the girl

Uniquekriss:
My dear you have to carry your cross, u got married 2months ago and you're already 7months pregnant, in as much as I'd blame your man for keeping such secret from u, it's possible u were already pregnant and he felt there was no need telling u since he wasn't expecting the woman to appear and moreover the child has issues and he's not so proud of her as his child. If you leave, you'll suffer more, just make sure he finds a place to take the poor child and stay with your man

Teymanhenry:
You' said you are sticking to your decision, it means you've made up your mind. I won't advise you to either stay or leave but one thing is certain. If you leave for the village another woman will come and takeover and probably take care of the disable child

H0711:
I want to divorce and go back to my village I have told him i am leaving next month. He is pleading with me not to leave him that he will take the child somewhere else but the place is not free he has to be paying like 200k monthly for them to take care of the child and he doesn't even have that amount of money because he is not financial stable.

ugolightswel1:
Young woman listen to me if you can.

Anybody here advicing you to leave is a home breaker.

Your mind asking you to leave is actually trying to mislead you.

don't leave your marriage, it's for better for worst.

marriage is not come and chop
stick your ground and put the necessary sacrifice and make a great mother for your home.

Look for an assistant you people should pay like 50k monthly by the way there's no job people will rush in for it.

Assist the child in prayers and constantly take her to church for serious prayers; GOD of miracle still exists.

Try and forgive your husband

And endeavours to do all for the child with the love of GOD so that your prayers shall have a healing on her thanks

Nozino:
Your opinion will kee you.

bonnyhope:
The fact that he hid it from you is enough to divorce him, that implies that the union was built on lie from the very beginning.

kollinz1234:
your kind of thinking is so shallow and that is why you are struggling with life generally. You are talking about God not placing burden on His creatures. Is it "Godly" for a woman to leave her husband's house? Marriage itself comes with it own burden, so also life in it entirety (show me a man that has no problem/burden in his life, then I will believe your hypothesis)
but in your hypocritical mind, you want to select your own burden. Keep preaching heresy and decieving people with your inglorious thinking. Your judgement will come. Mr fair weather Christian

H0711:
First of all our relationship was based on lies because he didn't tell me anything about her or her condition if he had told me from the onset I would have decided whether to quit or stay but he didn't tell me anything until the mother dropped her off and why would I have suffer for someone else responsibility. My only mistake was marrying him with his lies but his child in that condition is not my responsibility at all. If her mother that carried her for 9 long months cannot do it anymore me too I won't do it because I have done it for a week and I am already tired. Please if you think it is that easy if you are a woman you care enough for her come and marry him and take care of the child or if you are a man ask one of your sisters to come and replace me so she can take care of her.