Gerrard59:


There is a thin line between hypergamy and polygamy. My theory states that: "as long as women are hypergamous, men will continue to display polygamous tendencies". You cannot use hypergamy to get a man but expect him to be monogamous. If women are hypergamous, it is only fair that men should be polygamous. However, some men are faithful and stick to one partner, but they are a rarity - when discussing societal issues, you look at the majority.

Another reason our men cheat with wanton abandon is because there exist no consequences for their actions. Consequences here mean outright divorce solely based on infidelity. When people face consequences for ill-actions they make, such actions reduce or are made secret. Poverty, cultural and religious factors make the vast majority of women whose partners cheat remain with them even when they know their male partners cheat on them. Should the economic growth increase in Nigeria and women are included in the economy, there will be a high rate of divorce or women will decline to get married.

P.S. The bold does not negate women's hypergamous nature, rather it increases it.

@bold: true.

Also, most women see nothing 'wrong' in it and/or it isn't a deal breaker for them.

The bolded,
Not necessarily true. In the US and most of the West, a woman can file for divorce on the grounds of infidelity, yet American men still cheat.

Gerrard59:


There is a thin line between hypergamy and polygamy. My theory states that: "as long as women are hypergamous, men will continue to display polygamous tendencies". You cannot use hypergamy to get a man but expect him to be monogamous. If women are hypergamous, it is only fair that men should be polygamous. However, some men are faithful and stick to one partner, but they are a rarity - when discussing societal issues, you look at the majority.

Another reason our men cheat with wanton abandon is because there exist no consequences for their actions. Consequences here mean outright divorce solely based on infidelity. When people face consequences for ill-actions they make, such actions reduce or are made secret. Poverty, cultural and religious factors make the vast majority of women whose partners cheat remain with them even when they know their male partners cheat on them. Should the economic growth increase in Nigeria and women are included in the economy, there will be a high rate of divorce or women will decline to get married.

P.S. The bold does not negate women's hypergamous nature, rather it increases it.

Majority of what you have said hinges on the premise, that the man's wife is giving him sex on demand. If that is the case, then, i can understand your argument about how many times a can realistically have sex with multiple women.

However, a man can get all the sex he wants from his wife and still desire and lust after other women and girls.

He might have sex with his wife today, tomorrow he sees another beautiful woman and desires to have sex with her, until he is tired of having sex with her them looks for another woman, all the while still having steady sex from his wife.

In the end it is about contentment and discipline, because whether you like it or not, men naturally are not suited to monogamy.

Jman06:
This is not true!

If we must state the truth, a man's nature is not such that allows him multiple sexual contact at a go nor in a day! I don't know how old you are or how many sexual encounters you've had, but believe me, I'm experienced enough to tell you the truth. How many rounds of sex can you realistically go and for how long before getting tired? Honestly answer that question and then you'll realize that nature never made you to be with multiple women.

Most men that cheat do that for the thrills, not really for the sex. Most of such men like going for the young girls just for the game of having to chase these girls and the thrills thereof.

I have been with girls that kept sugar daddies and I know that they don't get sexual satisfaction from such relationships. They eat these men's money and allow them feel that youthful thrills. The sex is usually nothing to write home about for the girls.

Another reason why men cheat, aside the thrills, is ego. Some men see it as an ego boost to frolic with as many women as they want. Some especially like having other men's wives for that same ego boosting effect. It gives them a false sense of superiority to bed other men's young wives. They may even be weak on bed, but would still chase people's wives to feel alpha. It's all psychological.

Also, being in an unhappy marriage is another factor. Many men are having it hot from their wives at home, so they seek happiness from other women outside.

On a final note, if a man is happily married to his kind of lady, is not egoistic, and is psychological balanced with a sound sense of judgement, he'll not cheat on his wife.

Jesuisbelle:
The Reason Why Some Men Are Still Faithful Is Because They Don't Have Money To Cheat, Money Brings Out Men's Character.

I am not a poor man. I am actually very far from being poor but I haven't done it before. 7 years of being married.

Richy4:
Social media made it look like all men cheats... there are 100 men out there who are faithful... but immediately one of them cheats, all camera will go off on the 99 faithful men and focused on that one unfaithful man that cheated...Because of that, it will now affect the 99 men who were innocent in all ramification..

That's just how the world roll... How many men/women have been celebrated for marrying for 30, 45 or even 5yrs...
But immediately they speak of divorce, it will be picked and the concentration will be there...

The media has made the world concentrate more on the negative than the positive...If a man opens a thread on Nairaland and say...
***I just want to announce that since I got married in 2018, I have never cheated on my wife***
<<U can imagine eyes that will be rolling in front of the laptop/phones...
<<Some will ask why he was announcing what he ought to be doing...
<<some will say.. oh!! do you need a medal and
<<others will say so many negative and unprintable stuffs just to downplay it...

So to answer your question... YES THERE ARE MEN OUT THERE WHO TAKES THEIR SACRED VOWS SERIOUSLY...But chose to stay calm because it's 'not worth celebrating'

you just said it all

oliverwrites:
I am not a poor man. I am actually very far from being poor but I haven't done it before. 7 years of being married to an ungrateful woman still holding it together but I doubt it will be for much longer.

my brother please don't try it, there's no lasting joy in it just take your marriage to God in prayers and watch him change your marriage for good.

One the the reasons why a lot of people think there are no faithful men/women again, is because they 've allowed themselves to be deceived by the lies from the pit of hell that men are polygamous in nature, which the creator of men God didn't tell us so.
Secondly a lot of people no longer have the fear of God in their life, that why they can blatantly go against the words of God and still have reasons or justification for doing it, we 've totally lost our value system and what should make us people with conscience and empathy, no matter what we say or do if we don't come to Christ genuinely for his salvation and cleansing, then he gives us the grace to live a victorious life over sin and temptations we 'll keep hovering around thinking everybody is the same. Some people have made a choice and decision to be faithful to God and their spouses and there're many of them I can assure you.

Dottore:

I dong know what you refer to as cheating regarding men. The bitter truth is that a man was never meant to have one sexual partner or single wife. A man's system and psychology is configured for multi action #hardfact
Thus a man can have sex almost uncountable times in a day if you keep changing the sex partners for them. Studies have shown that an average man thinks about sex about 19 times in a day.

99% men have more than 1 sexual partners but only few are caught or own up to it. The remaining 1% either trying to please people expecting the to live up to some certain ethical codes or broke or even battling with health challenges.

The best way to hold your man's heart in your hand is to approve of him to be free to knack outside. I tell you most solemnly he will see you as a heavenly gift.

I know you didn't carry out proper statistics to reach this assumptions. Stop spreading false and archaic information so confidently-so it seems as if you really know what you're saying.
...it's an insult to men who still have prick discipline and respect God.

LIFE DOES NOT WORK THE WAY IT WORKS IN YOUR HEAD sir.
Not every man fancies cheating

This thread coming from a lady is rather cute. Reminds me of a joke of a lady who was complaining that one of her eight boyfriends just cheated on her so that confirms her suspicion that men are scum. (Not really joke)

The lack of self awareness.

...

...

angelfallz:
Majority of what you have said hinges on the premise, that the man's wife is giving him sex on demand. If that is the case, then, i can understand your argument about how many times a can realistically have sex with multiple women.

However, a man can get all the sex he wants from his wife and still desire and lust after other women and girls.

He might have sex with his wife today, tomorrow he sees another beautiful woman and desires to have sex with her, until he is tired of having sex with her them looks for another woman, all the while still having steady sex from his wife.

In the end it is about contentment and discipline, because whether you like it or not, men naturally are not suited to monogamy.

Naturally? Pls give us graphical details and components of the human male that makes you naturally polygamous, and add pictural evidence while at it, because your premise also applies to women;

A woman can get all the sex she wants from her husband and still desire and lust after other men and young guys.
She might have sex with her husband today, tomorrow she sees another handsome sexy man and desires to have sex with him, until she is tired of having sex with him them looks for another man, all the while still having steady sex from her husband, that is why we have more cheating wives these days, so why are we not saying women are polyandrous in nature?

Dottore:

I dong know what you refer to as cheating regarding men. The bitter truth is that a man was never meant to have one sexual partner or single wife. A man's system and psychology is configured for multi action #hardfact
Thus a man can have sex almost uncountable times in a day if you keep changing the sex partners for them. Studies have shown that an average man thinks about sex about 19 times in a day.

99% men have more than 1 sexual partners but only few are caught or own up to it. The remaining 1% either trying to please people expecting the to live up to some certain ethical codes or broke or even battling with health challenges.

The best way to hold your man's heart in your hand is to approve of him to be free to knack outside. I tell you most solemnly he will see you as a heavenly gift.

You are slow, extremely slow, because only slow people think like this, what part of the man's system and psychology is configured for multiple action? And where is your scientific evidence to back up your slow thought process?

How can a human being say faithful men are being faithful to please people, are broke or having battling health challenges? Who raised you? Self discipline is not in your dictionary? What is the reward for having multiple sex partners and diick mongering? You automatically become a billionaire? Does it improve your health or decreases it? Are you not prone to sexual diseases?

Lol any man that thinks his wife approves of his infidelity should start counting his days and years on earth, it's either she's poisoning the husband slowly, or she's also on a cheating spree.

Twoclans:


I might be wrong but I feel this your thread has something to do with a personal experience .That is just how I feel,however truth be told faithfulness is a very difficult thing now for both sex due to the massive growth of technology and social media.A man can be at home with you without even going out and cheat comfortably via sexting,video sex etc.

There could be a 5% faithful men that exist in reality I dont know,but I do know that a higher percentage are not faithfull.I work in an industry that is male dominated both for staff and customers and I can comfortably tell you that regardless of their age bracket 90% of both my colleagues and customers are not faithfull.

If your man is not an extreme community prick find a way to caution him and see how you can manage him.

You talk from a place of defeat, you have been so tamed, you see abnormality as normal, a cruel reality of a woman stripped of her dignity, forced to endure a life of sadness blocked from redemption.

Twoclans:


There are women that do not have the will power to stand on their own without leaning on a man or having a man in their bed everyday.If the OP falls into that category it is better she takes my unsolicited opinion because the possibility that the next man will be loyal is very very low.

I am a very very old woman, my dear I am writing from the reality on ground.

Old woman

Your enclave cannot be the basis of the reality on ground, that you and everyone around you sees and accepts community diicks as normal doesn't mean it is normal and acceptable, it is dangerous to the health, the family, and society at large.

faithfull18:
At OP, there are faithful men, they just seem to be few. I think as ladies we need to help ourselves. These guys cheat with another lady. Maybe, if ladies start refusing them, they would stick to their married partners. Even those you expect better from will just fall your hands. These set look all innocent, Godly and all, hmmn. Make God help women.

I HAVE SAID THIS TIME N AGAIN IN THIS FORUM, THAT A WOMAN THAT DID NOT MARRY A VIRGIN HAS ALREADY CHEATED ON HER HUSBAND AND SO SHOULDN'T COMPLAIN IF HER HUSBAND CHEATS, BECAUSE SHE CANNOT UNDO THE LOST OF HER VIRGINITY BEFORE MARRIAGE. THE BIBLE TELLS US THAT ANY MAN THAT DISVIRGINS A WOMAN SHOULD PAY HER BRIDE PRICE. I DON'T SUPPORT CHEATING BUT THE NOISE THAT WOMEN MAKE WHEN THEIR HUSBANDS CHEAT IS ANNOYING AS IF THEY'VE NOT SLEPT WITH ANOTHER MAN BEFORE.

Yes. But, are men more unfaithful than women, notionally, yes; literally, no. Men who cheat are simply more inclined to be open and bold with their acts than women who cheat, simple.

Lol. you have no idea how male and female sexuality works, if you did you would not have said the bolded

Biglittlelois:



Naturally? Pls give us graphical details and components of the human male that makes you naturally polygamous, and add pictural evidence while at it, because your premise also applies to women;

A woman can get all the sex she wants from her husband and still desire and lust after other men and young guys.
She might have sex with her husband today, tomorrow she sees another handsome sexy man and desires to have sex with him, until she is tired of having sex with him them looks for another man, all the while still having steady sex from her husband, that is why we have more cheating wives these days, so why are we not saying women are polyandrous in nature?

angelfallz:
Lol. you have no idea how male and female sexuality works, if you did you would not have said the bolded

We have cheating wives, it is happening and you know it, why aren't we saying it is natural for females to be polyandrous when we all know sexuality of men and women can be curbed?

The difference between male and female sexuality is self dignity and discipline which most of you don't have.

Both men and women cheat in today's world of social media and technology making it even easier. Being faithful in your marriage or any other relationship is a choice we make every day. Trust me, the opportunities are there every day. But we choose not to bow.

I am still wrapping my head around the rationale for cheating. It is baseless.

Ok

Biglittlelois:



We have cheating wives, it is happening and you know it, why aren't we saying it is natural for females to be polyandrous when we all know sexuality of men and women can be curbed?

The difference between male and female sexuality is self dignity and discipline which most of you don't have.

Jesuisbelle:
The Reason Why Some Men Are Still Faithful Is Because They Don't Have Money To Cheat, Money Brings Out Men's Character.

You lie, at least I know one person I can vouch for apart from me...

yeah but few.

the temptation married men go through is something else, it takes the help of God and commitment for the few not to cheat. It has nothing to do with money.

Men have always "cheated"(note the quotation mark). Our grandparents simply married a woman they fancied and married as many as they wanted/could afford(cheating?). We call it cheating in our generation because society to a large extent frowns on multiple marriage mates. Today, a man marries one woman and go after others.

Our long oppressed and sexually repressed women have also erupted, starting from our parents' generation. What an explosive combination. Men are cheating and women are equally cheating as much if not more. Men have never really been faithful and women had been forced into pretend faithfulness by the patriarchal order of the past. So, it may be a tall order to expect faithfulness from a man or a woman, especially in our generation where societal restraints have fallen off and you can stay in your bedroom in London and start a relationship with a man or woman in Sydney, Australia.

But there are still faithful men and women out there in large numbers. These are men and women who realise that being faithful starts with NOT cheating on oneself. They understand that having sex when you are not married is cheating yourself, because the person who owns and created you said so. He said He has given every human something so very powerful to help them through the journey of life. That thing is warehoused in the human body(male and female). But once you have sex outside of marriage(whether single or married), that thing leaves your body and you are on your own in your quest to navigate the journey of life. So you would have cheated yourself.

So those who want others to be faithful to them, start by being faithful to themselves. That means being ready to continually control yourself and do whatever is required not to lose the powerful "God's Finger" that is warehoused in your body. Something so powerful that all that had to be said was " let there be light" and it did the work of creating light. Then they also make sure that they only marry those who are also faithful to themselves.

We may fall over, every now and then. But we get ourselves back up and be more determined to retain that power within us. That is the only way you will find a faithful and lasting partner: if you yourself start with not cheating on yourself.

This is not about religion. I am not referring to those who wish you happy new month, happy new week and happy new day, every day. Or those who go to the church ten times a week with their lives full of hypocrisy and greed. This is about facts. If you agree there is someone who designed this earth and all that is therein; if you have done your sustained reading and studying and agree that this person is the God written about in the Bible; then you will believe what He said in the bible, including the fact that you cheat on yourself and lose His powerful spirit when you have sex outside of marriage. It is that simple.

I live on logic, regardless of whether I like a fact or not.

prepre12:
I use to believe that there are men who won’t cheat on their women but now I wonder if they are really out there anymore. One can be hardworking, have your own money, not be demanding and support you man all through the way but at the end they will still cheat and hit you for finding out. You try to be godly. But you don’t get godly men in return

prepre12:
I use to believe that there are men who won’t cheat on their women but now I wonder if they are really out there anymore. One can be hardworking, have your own money, not be demanding and support you man all through the way but at the end they will still cheat and hit you for finding out. You try to be godly. But you don’t get godly men in return

Married and never cheated for 36-years. The fear of the Lord kept me from cheating in spite of temptations. Not by power, nor might but by the Spirit of God.

Well, there are definitely faithful men but they are very rare. That you haven't come across one doesn't mean that they don't exist.

angelfallz:
The bolded,
Not necessarily true. In the US and most of the West, a woman can file for divorce on the grounds of infidelity, yet American men still cheat.

Openly and in wanton abandon like their Nigerian counterparts? I beg to disagree.

Gerrard59:


I posit that before a woman labels a man as boring simply because he is faithful, I believe that man is not doing well financially.

Spitting out truths left and right mate?

...

If you marry your Isaac and not an Ishmael, even if he falls and cheats, he will come and confess to you himself with genuine remorse.

Well, there is no way of knowing if American men cheat openly and with abandon as their Nigerian counterparts. But the fact remains that they cheat.

Gerrard59:


Openly and in wanton abandon like their Nigerian counterparts? I beg to disagree.

NemoDatQuod:
Men have always "cheated"(note the quotation mark). Our grandparents simply married a woman they fancied and married as many as they wanted/could afford(cheating?). We call it cheating in our generation because society to a large extent frowns on multiple marriage mates. Today, a man marries one woman and go after others.

Our long oppressed and sexually repressed women have also erupted, starting from our parents' generation. What an explosive combination. Men are cheating and women are equally cheating as much if not more. Men have never really been faithful and women had been forced into pretend faithfulness by the patriarchal order of the past. So, it may be a tall order to expect faithfulness from a man or a woman, especially in our generation where societal restraints have fallen off and you can stay in your bedroom in London and start a relationship with a man or woman in Sydney, Australia.

But there are still faithful men and women out there in large numbers. These are men and women who realise that being faithful starts with NOT cheating on oneself. They understand that having sex when you are not married is cheating yourself, because the person who owns and created you said so. He said He has given every human something so very powerful to help them through the journey of life. That thing is warehoused in the human body(male and female). But once you have sex outside of marriage(whether single or married), that thing leaves your body and you are on your own in your quest to navigate the journey of life. So you would have cheated yourself.

So those who want others to be faithful to them, start by being faithful to themselves. That means being ready to continually control yourself and do whatever is required not to lose the powerful "God's Finger" that is warehoused in your body. Something so powerful that all that had to be said was " let there be light" and it did the work of creating light. Then they also make sure that they only marry those who are also faithful to themselves.

We may fall over, every now and then. But we get ourselves back up and be more determined to retain that power within us. That is the only way you will find a faithful and lasting partner: if you yourself start with not cheating on yourself.

This is not about religion. I am not referring to those who wish you happy new month, happy new week and happy new day, every day. Or those who go to the church ten times a week with their lives full of hypocrisy and greed. This is about facts. If you agree there is someone who designed this earth and all that is therein; if you have done your sustained reading and studying and agree that this person is the God written about in the Bible; then you will believe what He said in the bible, including the fact that you cheat on yourself and lose His powerful spirit when you have sex outside of marriage. It is that simple.

I live on logic, regardless of whether I like a fact or not.

I honestly and sincerely love your write-up, I learnt something from it, thank you.