₦airaland Forum

Womanwoman:
Hello guys, I recently opened this account solely for this purpose. It's going to be a long read, please bear with me. I need very sincere and mature advice(s), please.

My husband and I have known each other for 11 years, (I was 16 years old and a university fresher. He's 3 years older). We've been married for 5 years, and have two boys. He's a very adventurous person whose job necessitates him to travel frequently. I always accompanied him on his numerous journeys while we were single. I am a freelancer and have my time to myself, provided there is light and internet. Throughout the time we courted, we travelled, explored strip clubs, parties and all..including churches..lol. I have never had him cheat on me….well, not until we got married and had our first child.

At that time, my hormones got messed up and I had a very low sex drive. I was overwhelmed with having to cater for my baby owing to the fact that I live in a different state from my mum - she came over and spent a short while with me when I had my baby. I had a help come over thrice a week solely to clean the house, while I attend to my baby. My husband, as usual, travels interstate for his work. He also performs his responsibilities and I really appreciate his sacrifice for the family.

I complained to a gynecologist who prescribed some medications to balance my hormones. I'll tell you that I even had to use the regular aphrodisiacs alongside. It finally balanced about a year and half and everything went fine. A year after, I conceived of my second, and the hormonal imbalance and everything that happened with the first, happened. This is with me trying to find my way around it.

Well, I found out my husband employed the services of escorts on about 3 occasions especially when he travels. I confronted him sternly and I even made jokes about it - I didn't want to be too harsh, and I wanted him to open up to me completely. I didnt want my actions to push him outside further. He mentioned that I sex starved him, and he didn't want to make me feel any worse by being persistent. We resolved it, and I mentioned never to go through his phone again.

He employed a new staff in February this year, and I was part of those in the selection process. I wish that never happened. I wish I was against her employment.

In April, the kids and I had to travel to another state (where his small company is located) just to say hi. He comes home frequently, and sometimes spends a considerable time at home, but this time, the kids were on holidays so we travelled.

It was there that I found out that he was having an affair with his staff. I confronted him, he cried, begged, and promised it won't happen again…talking about how much his staff respects and is scared of me, bla bla. Again, I let it slide. Whatever he had with his staff continued, and they became extra careful about it, but in one way or the other, I found out again - in june-, and as usual, he begged (this is with me being as civil as possible. Before we got married, I used to be the type that before he says A, I'll have said A-Z). But overtime, I intentionally stopped that attitude.

I forgave him and everything became normal, not for it to happen the third and fourth time with him begging each time. During these periods, I have been careful not to involve family because I feel they can be biased with each party supporting their own, coupled with the fact that the situation will linger on, especially in the mind of my family members even though my husband and I reconcile. They might cause them to have a resentment towards him.

The wahala now is that this thing has happened again, and he has been begging. I have asked him to sack her, but his excuse is that it will affect his work as it's a contract job. He said he'd relieve her once the contract is over. He has promised one last time, but I told him that I find it hard to take his word. This time, I really raised my voice with my old Margaret Thatcher's attitude…lol. I lashed him severely with unkind but very choosy words such as "a liar from the pit of hell, and hitting him hard about how unable he is to control his libido. I was hurt. He has promised and reneged countless times, and I now fear that the trust in my marriage is broken.

Even though I am hurt, I don't want to be separated from my family. This is because my parents were separated when I was little, and I knew how tough it was, growing up. Due to the separation, I don't have a good relationship with some of my siblings because the four of us were separated with two being with my dad, and the remaining two of us being with my mum. I never had a single fatherly love. None.

I don't want the same to happen to my kids. What can I do, Please? I still love him, but I am seriously heartbroken and do not trust him anymore because he'll still have to continue working with the said girl.

I am currently on family planning and at the same time trying to balance my hormones. I'm tired.

Did you notice from your narrative that he was faithful to you UNTIL you both started being apart? There is your solution: point that to him and make him know he has to be closer home for the family sake. Whatever future arrangements you will make has to be around the family domiciled together. He doesn't look like a bad person from how you described him.

Contact her guarantors to come and carry her before your case will be like that of cleaner turned wife to be in a yr.

Let me tell you the truth. You defined how to live your life by yourself. Either to live your life as a divorcee, baby mama, single mama or build your home. Let me tell you the truth 95% of men (including me are cheat). All those comments you see above are just putting up for public stunts, what each and everyone pass through in there homes cannot be said outsides.
What determined happy home is levels of tolerance and perseverance. For you to have happy home, you must tolerate what your husband does. Majority of happy and fulfilled home you see also has a lot of challenges. However, anytime you caught your husband make sure you rebuke him, para for him like Margaret Thatcher but do not overdo to the extent it can cause divorce between you.

usmolad:
Let me tell you the truth. You defined how to live your life by yourself. Either to live your life as a divorcee, baby mama, single mama or build your home. Let me tell you the truth 95% of men (including me are cheat). All those comments you see above are just putting up for public stunts, what each and everyone pass through in there homes cannot be said outsides.
What determined happy home is levels of tolerance and perseverance. For you to have happy home, you must tolerate what your husband does. Majority of happy and fulfilled home you see also has a lot of challenges. However, anytime you caught your husband make sure you rebuke him, para for him like Margaret Thatcher but do not overdo to the extent it can cause divorce between you.

Oga marriage counsellor well done, continue to rationalize infidelity even that which your Creator condemned.

Can you tolerate and persevere if your wife is cheating on you?

Being a divorcee, baby mama or single mother has never being classified as a mental disorder. If you as a man who sees himself as both the physical and spiritual head of your home, sees nothing wrong in promiscuity, what values are imbibing into your children (that is if you have)?

Mindlog:

Can you tolerate and persevere if your wife is cheating on you?

@usmolad, come and answer this truthfully.

Womanwoman:
Even though I am hurt, I don't want to be separated from my family. This is because my parents were separated when I was little, and I knew how tough it was, growing up. Due to the separation, I don't have a good relationship with some of my siblings because the four of us were separated with two being with my dad, and the remaining two of us being with my mum. I never had a single fatherly love. None.

I don't want the same to happen to my kids. What can I do, Please? I still love him, but I am seriously heartbroken and do not trust him anymore because he'll still have to continue working with the said girl. I am currently on family planning and at the same time trying to balance my hormones. I'm tired.

The girl isn't the problem. Instead, the problem is your husband is a serial cheater, and you don't want to leave him. So, all you can do is continue with what you have been doing so far, and maybe ensure that you and your kids are protected should the tables be turned on you in the future. For instance,
* If he comes back one day demanding divorce from you, at least make certain you have your t's cross and i's dotted so you don't end up short changed
* If he contracts and brings home some sexually transmitted disease from his outside adventures, you don't end up walking around miserable for it as well.

jamznato:
Pray. Ask God to separate them. Jer. 51.
Invite both of them talk to the lady as a woman. Talk to your husband as a good wife. Take a break focus on yourself not separation nor divorce pls. Take a break takecare of urself be healed by Gods grace. Some things are spiritual. Pray for your husband eyes to be open. Preach to them the word even no one is perfect. Speak the truth in love before God.

Stop dragging God into what is nonsense abeg!

shege45:
cheat on him once and see if he forgives you. You are taking too much rubbish

ROFLMAO

Womanwoman:
Thank you. I have prayed. I am still praying

I am sorry to tell you this but no amount of praying will change a man who is established in his cheating. Go out there and ask the millions of other women who flood churches every other day, praying to God to do the same for their husbands. Some of them end up living in the same house with the side-chicks eventually become second wives.

H0didon:
Your husband seems good but he's a weak man...very weak.
He doesn't beat you, he provides...What he can't control is his ability to tame his dick. That's the major problem. He's a good man.
I'll say you both sit down as a couple and talk this out. You two should be praying as well.
Lastly, be careful of the kinda advise that you'll get here. So many people will tell you to nonsense, just try to guide your mind rightly.
It is possible for a man to love his wife and still cheat, there re so many reasons for that. I am not supporting him, all i am saying is, for every decision you make, hope it'll worth it. I just feel he's a good man.

As our Ancestors would say "A weak man is highly vulnerable and dangerous but can be cautioned and controlled carefully".

If the wife had been the main provider and cheating as her one problem, would you have advised the husband, in that case, to sit and pray with her as well?

faithfull18:
Smh, ladies who sleep with other women's husband, what exactly is your problem

Self-control is indeed a virtue, if you don't have it, then you don't have it.

The problem is also the other-women's--husbands who can't seem to control themselves coupled with the other women who allow their husbands to continue to get away with it.

It's either you divorce him or you stop complaining and accept that this is how your life will forever be.
When your children are old enough get them to therapy.

Sexyliciousbri:
It's either you divorce him or you stop complaining and accept that this is how your life will forever be.
When your children are old enough get them to therapy.

The OP herself needs therapy since she thinks her past is enough of a reason to accept this amount of disrespect in marriage.

All men are promiscuous in nature. If every woman should know this, there will be no problem in most families. Men's cheating on their wife no be today's matter it has been there during our forefathers. Is a normal thing to men, they are wired in that way. women lets focus more on loving our kids and give them the best parenting and keep ourselves busy making money. meanwhile, if you did not visit his office you might not notice what's happening and your marriage would have been without issues. Focus more on taking care of your kids as far as his a caring husband and he doesn't punch his responsibility on you while spending on another woman.

ibechris:
U were part of those who employed the girl?

What are u waiting for?

Go through her document and call her family members to report the girl to them and tell them to warn her and for her to leave your husband alone else u will do the unthinkable.

Watch them from far.

U can as well confront the girl but one thing is sure,your husband can not stop cheating except he decides to stop it himself.

A man on heat can't be tamed,except something more serious happens to him.

This advise will spark more problem between she and her husband. Her husband have every right to sack the girl he employed but he refuse because he like the girl - don't you know that some married men are jealous over their side chick too
The reality is that men are wayed to cheat because they move by sight while women move by word of mouth (lies)

HRprof:
All men are promiscuous in nature. If every woman should know this, there will be no problem in most families. Men's cheating on their wife no be today's matter it has been there during our forefathers. Is a normal thing to men, they are wired in that way. women lets focus more on loving our kids and give them the best parenting and keep ourselves busy making money. meanwhile, if you did not visit his office you might not notice what's happening and your marriage would have been without issues. Focus more on taking care of your kids as far as his a caring husband and he doesn't punch his responsibility on you while spending on another woman.

Why did God "punish" Adam by creating only one woman to be with him in the garden of Eden, going by the Christians' story of creation?

Who "wired" men that way?

If man was "wired" to be promiscuous, then why is adultery regarded as sin?

If in the days of your forefathers, twins were killed as an abomination....do your community still do that today?

A married man sleeping around causes no problem to his wife and children but the wife not accepting his infidelity as his "right" is what causes problem in the family?

If you own a store where you only drop by every Saturday and have a salesgirl there throughout the week, then you drop by on a Wednesday, only to meet your shop locked and your salesgirl has gone gallivanting, does it make sense to blame you for going there on a Wednesday as against your usual Saturdays?

Mindlog:
Why did God "punish" Adam by creating only one woman to be with him in the garden of Eden, going by the Christians' story of creation?

Who "wired" men that way?

If man was "wired" to be promiscuous, then why is adultery regarded as sin?

If in the days of your forefathers, twins were killed as an abomination....do your community still do that today?

A married man sleeping around causes no problem to his wife and children but the wife not accepting his infidelity as his "right" is what causes problem in the family?

If you own a store where you only drop by every Saturday and have a salesgirl there throughout the week, then you drop by on a Wednesday, only to meet your shop locked and your salesgirl has gone gallivanting, does it make sense to blame you for going there on a Wednesday as against your usual Saturdays?

You quote Christian bible as if there is no other religion.no in the world. Muslims are entitled to 4 wives according to their religious book.
God created Adam and eve for multiplication purpose, if he add another Eve making it 2 eve to one Adam problem go dey for garden of Eden :-)
God wayed men that way even his followers cheated including Solomon, David etc . How many women cheated in the bible ??.
If my store you said ! but in this case is his husband store so privacy is of essence in marriage ,
note I am not in support of a cheating husband but knowing the fact help us make a good home. If she leave her husband because he cheated is not a wise decision is raining every where. If is a case of domestic violets I will advise her to run like tomorrow no dey

It is well with you OP.

Protect yourself from STIs and prepare your mind that he might never change. A miracle can happen though.

opeyy:
As he is a serial cheat, be very weary of STIs please.

It is only you that knows your situation and where it hurts. We all have different tolerance levels when it comes to cheating, for some it is a deal breaker no matter what and for others, especially ones that married their hubby or remain with them for specific reasons other than love, they don't care, as long as that reason for staying is forthcoming so decide on what is important to you and the reason why you're staying and focus on this reason only.

Each time you feel hurt or sad, just keep focus and over time, you will naturally not care about his sexcapades anymore but please protect yourself very well from infections. Your hubby clearly does not have any discipline or self-control so unless by some divine intervention, don't even bother fighting this and expecting him to change. You should decide on why you're staying and make this your focus please, it really helps.

Sending you hugs xx

Thank you. I sent you a pm already

usmolad:
Let me tell you the truth. You defined how to live your life by yourself. Either to live your life as a divorcee, baby mama, single mama or build your home. Let me tell you the truth 95% of men (including me are cheat). All those comments you see above are just putting up for public stunts, what each and everyone pass through in there homes cannot be said outsides.
What determined happy home is levels of tolerance and perseverance. For you to have happy home, you must tolerate what your husband does. Majority of happy and fulfilled home you see also has a lot of challenges. However, anytime you caught your husband make sure you rebuke him, para for him like Margaret Thatcher but do not overdo to the extent it can cause divorce between you.

This is the part I understand.

Kobojunkie:
The girl isn't the problem. Instead, the problem is your husband is a serial cheater, and you don't want to leave him. So, all you can do is continue with what you have been doing so far, and maybe ensure that you and your kids are protected should the tables be turned on you in the future. For instance,
* If he comes back one day demanding divorce from you, at least make certain you have your t's cross and i's dotted so you don't end up short changed
* If he contracts and brings home some sexually transmitted disease from his outside adventures, you don't end up walking around miserable for it as well.

Thank you

HRprof:
You quote Christian bible as if there is no other religion.no in the world. Muslims are entitled to 4 wives according to their religious book.
God created Adam and eve for multiplication purpose, if he add another Eve making it 2 eve to one Adam problem go dey for garden of Eden :-)
God wayed men that way even his followers cheated including Solomon, David etc . How many women cheated in the bible ??.
If my store you said ! but in this case is his husband store so privacy is of essence in marriage ,
note I am not in support of a cheating husband but knowing the fact help us make a good home. If she leave her husband because he cheated is not a wise decision is raining every where. If is a case of domestic violets I will advise her to run like tomorrow no dey

By typing "going by the Christians' story of creation" is my acknowledgment that other religions exist and have their own story of creation.

Even in Islam that allows marrying 4 wives, Zina (adultery) is heavily frowned upon in the Quar'an.

Not only did David cheat but the first man to be recorded of his attempt at paternity fraud and despite being known as the man after God's heart, did God not punish his excesses by denying David his heart desire of building the Lord's temple?

Solomon didn't end up well, the consequence of his promiscuity was his "thirst" for variety of women turned his heart away from God and God did let him know that he would be the last king of a united Israel and upon his death, there will be rebellion against his son, Rehoboam and out of the 12 tribes of Israel that Solomon was king over, 10 tribes will be taken away from his heir and for the sake of His love for David, He would allow his son, Rehoboam to be King of the 2 remaining tribes and just about a year after Solomon's death, the revolution did happen and everywhere burst.

When the men who were even the ones having sex with the prostitute in the bible (at least I did not read she was lesbian) wanted to stone her to death, did Jesus not say "he who is without sin, should cast the first stone"? Why dem no gather liver stone am, after all God only "wired" men to be promiscuous.

The FACT is that ignoring a spouse's repeated infidelity has never been a recipe for a "good home"! You may have been socially conditioned to accept that as the "truth" but that does not make that the TRUTH!

Domestic violence is never limited to physically hitting at another but including emotionally abusing them and in this case, one's intimate partner with repeated actions that is causing them trauma.

Go visit female prisons, sit and speak with prisoners who are doing time for killing their promiscuous husbands, why they did not enjoy their "good homes' by ignoring their deceased husband's adulterous lifestyle?

Adultery is sweet wine served in poisoned chalice.

Mindlog:
By typing "going by the Christians' story of creation" is my acknowledgment that other religions exist and have their own story of creation.

Even in Islam that allows marrying 4 wives, Zina (adultery) is heavily frowned upon in the Quar'an.

Not only did David cheat but the first man to be recorded of his attempt at paternity fraud and despite being known as the man after God's heart, did God not punish his excesses by denying David his heart desire of building the Lord's temple?

Solomon didn't end up well, the consequence of his promiscuity was his "thirst" for variety of women turned his heart away from God and God did let him know that he would be the last king of a united Israel and upon his death, there will be rebellion against his son, Rehoboam and out of the 12 tribes of Israel that Solomon was king over, 10 tribes will be taken away from his heir and for the sake of His love for David, He would allow his son, Rehoboam to be King of the 2 remaining tribes and just about a year after Solomon's death, the revolution did happen and everywhere burst.

When the men who were even the ones having sex with the prostitute in the bible (at least I did not read she was lesbian) wanted to stone her to death, did Jesus not say "he who is without sin, should cast the first stone"? Why dem no gather liver stone am, after all God only "wired" men to be promiscuous.

The FACT is that ignoring a spouse's repeated infidelity has never been a recipe for a "good home"! You may have been socially conditioned to accept that as the "truth" but that does not make that the TRUTH!

Domestic violence is never limited to physically hitting at another but including emotionally abusing them and in this case, one's intimate partner with repeated actions that is causing them trauma.

Go visit female prisons, sit and speak with prisoners who are doing time for killing their promiscuous husbands, why they did not enjoy their "good homes' by ignoring their deceased husband's adulterous lifestyle?

Adultery is sweet wine served in poisoned chalice,

No need to this long episode! What you called adultery has been in practice for both of them before they got married. They did not marry as a virgin. Your definition of adultery could be different from what bible or quora called it.
Female prisons who killed their husband because of cheating are those who don't believe that men are wayad to cheat before they go into marriage when the reality done oin them they couldn't bear the emotional damage and result in killing their partner.
The most important thing is that if God bless you with a good husband who respect you and able to fulfil his obligations as a husband. Leave the cheating between him and his God if you can not take it then leave the marriage. Most women go as far monitoring their husband to find out if he is cheating, what do you expect to see Even pastors are not exempted in this

HRprof:
No need to this long episode! What you called adultery has been in practice for both of them before they got married. They did not marry as a virgin. Your definition of adultery could be different from what bible or quora called it.
Female prisons who killed their husband because of cheating are those who don't believe that men are wayad to cheat before they go into marriage when the reality done oin them they couldn't bear the emotional damage and result in killing their partner.
The most important thing is that if God bless you with a good husband who respect you and able to fulfil his obligations as a husband. Leave the cheating between him and his God if you can not take it then leave the marriage. Most women go as far monitoring their husband to find out if he is cheating, what do you expect to see Even pastors are not exempted in this

False, most in the prison are those who reached their threshold of tolerance and the infidelity being rubbed on their faces, not those who thought their husbands were angels.

Enough of the "wayad" theory, God did not wire anyone to be promiscuous as He is not an amateur electrician.

Everyone should take personal responsibility for his or her lack of self-control, if you are comfortable with your genitals being available to just about anyone, carry it with your full chest.

Can your husband leave your cheating on him, between you and your God?

HRprof:
All men are promiscuous in nature. If every woman should know this, there will be no problem in most families. Men's cheating on their wife no be today's matter it has been there during our forefathers. Is a normal thing to men, they are wired in that way. women lets focus more on loving our kids and give them the best parenting and keep ourselves busy making money. meanwhile, if you did not visit his office you might not notice what's happening and your marriage would have been without issues. Focus more on taking care of your kids as far as his a caring husband and he doesn't punch his responsibility on you while spending on another woman.

Isn't a single working mother more attractive than the nonsense you put up there?

Or why should a woman pick up the responsibility expected in a committed relationship (marriage) when she isn't getting the privilege of commitment?

I don't believe the current mantra of 'money solves all a woman's problem' but women who believe the above need to earn enough to cater for themselves so they would be less averse to tolerating bullshit.

Because of I ask you the value the man above is bringing, you would say 'he is providing'.

HRprof:
No need to this long episode! What you called adultery has been in practice for both of them before they got married. They did not marry as a virgin. Your definition of adultery could be different from what bible or quora called it.
Female prisons who killed their husband because of cheating are those who don't believe that men are wayad to cheat before they go into marriage when the reality done oin them they couldn't bear the emotional damage and result in killing their partner.
The most important thing is that if God bless you with a good husband who respect you and able to fulfil his obligations as a husband. Leave the cheating between him and his God if you can not take it then leave the marriage. Most women go as far monitoring their husband to find out if he is cheating, what do you expect to see Even pastors are not exempted in this

@bold:

Very funny.

Mindlog:
False, most in the prison are those who reached their threshold of tolerance and the infidelity being rubbed on their faces, not those who thought their husbands were angels.

Enough of the "wayad" theory, God did not wire anyone to be promiscuous as He is not an amateur electrician.

Everyone should take personal responsibility for his or her lack of self-control, if you are comfortable with your genitals being available to just about anyone, carry it with your full chest.

Can your husband leave your cheating on him, between you and your God?

Cheating is seen as an abomination when committed by a married woman because a woman has no constitutional right to marry 2 husband at the same time unlike our men in the society. Not every woman can tolerate a cheating husband, the reality is that every man cheat but some men are very care full cheat because they respect their wives while some are careless cheater those are the worst, my advise is that if you can not tolerate that in marriage the best option is to leave the marriage rather than killing your husband. Example: Yul Edochie's wife should have killed her husband because he cheated him after believing he married an angel. Our problem is that we fail to accept reality

Mindlog:
False, most in the prison are those who reached their threshold of tolerance and the infidelity being rubbed on their faces, not those who thought their husbands were angels.

Enough of the "wayad" theory, God did not wire anyone to be promiscuous as He is not an amateur electrician.

Everyone should take personal responsibility for his or her lack of self-control, if you are comfortable with your genitals being available to just about anyone, carry it with your full chest.

Can your husband leave your cheating on him, between you and your God?

Digest these
When you study the Adam and Eve theory you will understand that men's cheating started from the garden of Eden. Men cheat for no reason..
Men have high libido than women that is why they are wayad that way.
Men has constitutional and traditional right to marry more than one wife. But Christianity came to abolish it and still do not prevent men from having side chickens :-)

bukatyne:


Isn't a single working mother more attractive than the nonsense you put up there?

Or why should a woman pick up the responsibility expected in a committed relationship (marriage) when she isn't getting the privilege of commitment?

I don't believe the current mantra of 'money solves all a woman's problem' but women who believe the above need to earn enough to cater for themselves so they would be less averse to tolerating bullshit.

Because of I ask you the value the man above is bringing, you would say 'he is providing'.

Your write up does not relate to my comments so I have nothing to say -

Womanwoman:
Hello guys, I recently opened this account solely for this purpose. It's going to be a long read, please bear with me. I need very sincere and mature advice(s), please.

My husband and I have known each other for 11 years, (I was 16 years old and a university fresher. He's 3 years older). We've been married for 5 years, and have two boys. He's a very adventurous person whose job necessitates him to travel frequently. I always accompanied him on his numerous journeys while we were single. I am a freelancer and have my time to myself, provided there is light and internet. Throughout the time we courted, we travelled, explored strip clubs, parties and all..including churches..lol. I have never had him cheat on me….well, not until we got married and had our first child.

At that time, my hormones got messed up and I had a very low sex drive. I was overwhelmed with having to cater for my baby owing to the fact that I live in a different state from my mum - she came over and spent a short while with me when I had my baby. I had a help come over thrice a week solely to clean the house, while I attend to my baby. My husband, as usual, travels interstate for his work. He also performs his responsibilities and I really appreciate his sacrifice for the family.

I complained to a gynecologist who prescribed some medications to balance my hormones. I'll tell you that I even had to use the regular aphrodisiacs alongside. It finally balanced about a year and half and everything went fine. A year after, I conceived of my second, and the hormonal imbalance and everything that happened with the first, happened. This is with me trying to find my way around it.

Well, I found out my husband employed the services of escorts on about 3 occasions especially when he travels. I confronted him sternly and I even made jokes about it - I didn't want to be too harsh, and I wanted him to open up to me completely. I didnt want my actions to push him outside further. He mentioned that I sex starved him, and he didn't want to make me feel any worse by being persistent. We resolved it, and I mentioned never to go through his phone again.

He employed a new staff in February this year, and I was part of those in the selection process. I wish that never happened. I wish I was against her employment.

In April, the kids and I had to travel to another state (where his small company is located) just to say hi. He comes home frequently, and sometimes spends a considerable time at home, but this time, the kids were on holidays so we travelled.

It was there that I found out that he was having an affair with his staff. I confronted him, he cried, begged, and promised it won't happen again…talking about how much his staff respects and is scared of me, bla bla. Again, I let it slide. Whatever he had with his staff continued, and they became extra careful about it, but in one way or the other, I found out again - in june-, and as usual, he begged (this is with me being as civil as possible. Before we got married, I used to be the type that before he says A, I'll have said A-Z). But overtime, I intentionally stopped that attitude.

I forgave him and everything became normal, not for it to happen the third and fourth time with him begging each time. During these periods, I have been careful not to involve family because I feel they can be biased with each party supporting their own, coupled with the fact that the situation will linger on, especially in the mind of my family members even though my husband and I reconcile. They might cause them to have a resentment towards him.

The wahala now is that this thing has happened again, and he has been begging. I have asked him to sack her, but his excuse is that it will affect his work as it's a contract job. He said he'd relieve her once the contract is over. He has promised one last time, but I told him that I find it hard to take his word. This time, I really raised my voice with my old Margaret Thatcher's attitude…lol. I lashed him severely with unkind but very choosy words such as "a liar from the pit of hell, and hitting him hard about how unable he is to control his libido. I was hurt. He has promised and reneged countless times, and I now fear that the trust in my marriage is broken.

Even though I am hurt, I don't want to be separated from my family. This is because my parents were separated when I was little, and I knew how tough it was, growing up. Due to the separation, I don't have a good relationship with some of my siblings because the four of us were separated with two being with my dad, and the remaining two of us being with my mum. I never had a single fatherly love. None.

I don't want the same to happen to my kids. What can I do, Please? I still love him, but I am seriously heartbroken and do not trust him anymore because he'll still have to continue working with the said girl.

I am currently on family planning and at the same time trying to balance my hormones. I'm tired.

You probably need to start praying that the lord would break evil family patterns.
I refuse to repeat the evil marital cycle of my father house

temi4fash:
You probably need to start praying that the lord would break evil family patterns.
I refuse to repeat the evil marital cycle of my father house

What Lord? The same Lord that said your marriages are of this world and not of the Kingdom of God - Luke 20 vs 34 - 36 -, that Lord?

Stop deceiving people with these lies that God cares about their marriages as much as they do. He doesn't.

Womanwoman:
My conscience wouldn't let me

thank you. please don't ever consider the option to cheat unless you have finally decided to end the marriage.