excellence44:
She has no right to do that but I must advice that you be diplomatic in dealing with her. Play along with her till such a time when you can stand on your own. As for your brother, allow him to go along with the name change because when the time comes, a man Will always be a man.

wow mature advice. Well done

caprini1:
Very simple and apt!....lost both my parents at a very yound age ,was so angry with everything,but i later found out (by myself) say nobody send me . Retracted my self ,became the best i can be ,for ME....nobody send anybody .OP should move on name change or not.

One of the reasons I think Nigerians are mostly dull is that they can't seem to understand what it means to put themselves in the shoes of another, even for a moment.

I really hope it isn't the case that you equate losing one's parents to unforeseen circumstances to being rejected or abandoned by a parent.

Kobojunkiee:
If OP is minor then the mother can change names for her children. When OP becomes an adult, OP can change the nayme back if he/she chooses.

If! That's the keyword.....

lawrenzooo:
If! That's the keyword.....

Of course! I can do Ifs just like you.

Kobojunkiee:
Yet, the one fuming and emotional in this situation is you, a man?

Far from it. I can never be. I am not a woman. I am just pointing out facts...but you as a woman have already accepted that the man in OP is evil as painted by the OPs emotional mom

Don't do it because your mother said so. Your mother is acting out of emotion and vendetta she wants to settle with her husband.

Don't listen to men haters here ooo. This is the type of topic they will come all out for, to spill their hatred as usual in form of advise to you.

Alexxx2000:
It's a long story but I will try to abridge it.

My mom raised I and my brother of 5yrs old single-handedly. There's a separation in the family so we're shuffling the deck. She's an hairstylist with meagre wages.

My dad was never part of the family. They both separated because of infidelity and harsh treatment. Since then, my dad, I guess erased our memories from his life.

I must confess, she's trying but the bills is weighing her down. My little brother was to start school last year but we couldn't pay for fees but after saving, we decided to put him in a cheap school close to the house.

Now, my mom want to stop us from bearing my father's name. She mandated me to change mine as well to her own dad's name.

Yesterday when I returned from the Pos attendant job I do, she brought the topic again and she said, nothing is holding her back on her decision.

Is she right for taking such decision? What will you advise me to do please?

I can't blame your mum for taking such decision, some men can be very stupid, that's if what you said is true.


But I dont think is a good idea sha. I'll advise she continue to take care of her children and forget about the said husband. Simple.

pargelenis:
After reading all this below, I wonder why you want to continue bearing the last name of that deadbeat individual?

”…My dad was never part of the family.
They both separated because of infidelity and harsh treatment.
Since then, my dad, I guess erased our memories from his life…”. .

did the child know if the story is real or is the mother that made that up to put the children against there father.. there is one that happened between my uncle and his wife not quite Long the woman involved is now peddling lies that my uncle usually beat her and now we have gone to ask the neighbors that if they have ever heard them fight and my uncle hitting her and they say no.

all what my own uncle is running away from is infidelity from the woman because he have concrete evidence that she is cheating on him and now he sent her away from home and the woman carried the children and he that's my Uncle said that she should go with the children because she said she won't leave the two kids for him and guess what she will tell the kids if they grow up??

because right now all what she is telling people that ask her what happened is otherwise

Wisdom!!!
Someone wrote earlier; You bear your father's name not by the responsibility he has or is doing. But by virtue of blood. Your mum, has every right to feel pained by her experiences with him. That does not change the fact he remains your father. Hence, your link to the name, which obviously you also do not want to change. The advise below is a wise one. It gives your mum less heart ache, feeling that you are in agreement in her feelings and also it helps in your wanting to keep the name.

advanceDNA:


Tell her u have gone to find out how to change name....Tell her court refuse to do sworn afidavit without you NIN and birth certificate showing the name..

If u have done NIN already...tell her U went to NIN office.... surname change on NIN is 35k....
News paper publication 20k...She will leave u alone...

If u have not done NIN..tell her they said u should bring sworn afidavit to show your name and birth certificate......that is back to square one since u cant do sworn affidavit without NIN or document that shows your name..

She will leave u alone

Kobojunkiee:
One of the reasons I think Nigerians are mostly dull is that they can't seem to understand what it means to put themselves in the shoes of another, even for a moment.

I really hope it isn't the case that you equate losing one's parents to unforeseen circumstances to being rejected or abandoned by a parent.

Dude ,its not my fault you grew up with little or no love ,carry your frustration and big English elsewhere ,Mr i know it all yet hopeless.

The fact you on this platform means you are of age, so seek out your dad and find out what happened.

Every marriage breakdown always has two sides of the story.

Find your father, let him look in the face say why he AWOL.

Then you can make your decision.

Change your name risk losing all your rights among your dad's people.....

caprini1:
Dude ,its not my fault you grew up with little or no love ,carry your frustration and big English elsewhere ,Mr i know it all yet hopeless.

I see... so you are one of those who can't seem to think outside of themselves, and so almost always assumes it all has to be about the "me"!

Emaprince:
Far from it. I can never be. I am not a woman. I am just pointing out facts...but you as a woman have already accepted that the man in OP is evil as painted by the OPs emotional mom

Excuse me... I am telling you that your reactions here are emotional at best. These things are as observed, not as stated.

Kobojunkiee:
I see... so you are one of those who can't seem to think outside of yourself, and so assumes it all has to be about you and your personal!

You can as well give the OP a rope to hang himself ,instead of encouraging him ,that life doesn't end with having a father or mother mtcheeew!

As we can see, it is no surprise why Nairalanders are uncouth.

Why

It is not everything your parents ask you to do you're supposed to do.
If you change your name to your mama parential name simply means you're a bastard. I didn't mean to call you bastard but just telling you what it means.
As it has rightly said earlier " Your father na your father and your mama na your mama. Thanks

Oyiboman69:
there is no need for names to be changed. you can answer the name without been involve with the person. I'm saying this cos you'll also find a way to change the name back to her father's name trust me. this is Africa, things like this is very important. Look at the political scenes today and see what the situation of name changing is causing. there will be a time when the name of his mother wiil be used to mock him, besides, one's name should be extended to different family and that is the important of it and it is the root of a man. you can't deny it,one day,that name will mean a lot .....

well like I said I don't see it emotionally but logically ... All the thing we hold very important today will be nonexistent in 200 years .. why waste your life worrying what others think when you can simply live life ... Remember if anyone dies today it won't take 2 months for that person to become a forgotten issue. Life is a personal journey and most people who are alive are living life based on thier programming. There is life outside the system.

I get your point traditionally but men the world has advanced and can never go back to those days when a Yoruba youth must prostrate and all. It's a bitter sweet time ... But that is just the way things have become.

She never loved him

icejoel:
She never loved him

What's love got to do with anything abeg?

Theknowledge:
There is nothing like a deadbeat DAD! I was told this for the longest time but growing up as an adult my orientation changed.

No man goes into marriage with the intention of being a deadbeat dad, but life can present it's challenges and some women makes this time unbearable for their husbands making some mean lose their zeal and self esteem to strive for more.

A woman's needs are insatiable and it's continuous- Na relationship open my eyes! Only some men can take the bullshit from most women and still remain sane.

Our society is feeling this pressure as it takes both parents to raise a child- that's why the moral decadence that we see- as women are quick to label their husband (for better and for worse oo) deadbeat.

Omo marriage na work and support system if you know you can't offer this kindly stay single o

Nonsense talk.
A man who cheats on the wife is a useless husband and man.
There is no excuse whatsoever to cheat on your wife.

bepositive11:


Are you a man? If yes, your statement is weak.

Naturally, I don't reply to mentions that ooze presumptive ideas about my person...Neither do I know you nor you know my story and if I may be allowed to make a simple assumption about people like you that will be that the best of the logic of your type is the least of my psychological strength as a man...

Don't abide to that. Single handedly she wants to make you guys bastards by defaultDon't abide to that. Single handedly she wants to make you guys bastards by default...

Arelyn:


Naturally, I don't reply to mentions that ooze presumptive ideas about my person...Neither do I know you nor you know my story and if I may be allowed to make a simple assumption about people like you that will be that the best of the logic of your type is the least of my psychological strength as a man...

Lol Alpha male? Redpilled? The weakest and most insecure of them all.

Women will tell you the same -- that men are naturally more deceptive than women. So who is right?

Many men are very irresponsible.
Shame on them.

You have one father, continue bearing his name.

homenje73:
You are man, when u grow up to a full grown man, maybe then u will understand why father never cared. Therefore, be careful in following your mother's advice, women are myopic in reasoning . You will never have inheritance or share in your mother's family never. If your material grand father or uncle are still alive let them know of your mother's plan, you be shocked that they will wash they hands off , none will ever be in support. In Igbo proverb, a dog that's is trained by a woman eats fowl's egg.

say that to your mom’s face and see her reaction

My maternal uncle was our god.
He was a saint.
A man that took care of his over forty children and still took care of many of us, the children of his siblings.

She's not feeling the heat now, may be later. She was promiscuous and that's why your father abandoned her.


If u change the name, does that change the paternity? How are u even sure the man in question is your biological father? Here in Nigeria, the children belong to the father.

I will share similar experience in the next few minutes

Grandmeister:

Dem no get uncles?? Why come online, na their uncles go sabi the full story and will be in a better position to advice them. What man will leave his own biological child and disappear UNLESS he believes the child wasn’t his! If he did the necessary marriage rites then the bride price has to be returned and the children and wife can change their surnames as they deem fit. If dem never return the bride price they can’t change their names on a whim. If you don’t have uncles then go to a magistrate court and clear your doubts .

More reason I said he should find out what really happened. It could be from the uncles or other relatives. But he must not swallow his mother's story without asking questions.

excellence44:
[b]She has no right to do that [/b]but I must advice that you be diplomatic in dealing with her. Play along with her till such a time when you can stand on your own. As for your brother, allow him to go along with the name change because when the time comes, a man Will always be a man.

who talk am?

And op, was the fidelity on your mother's or father's end?

If ur dad carried out all the marriage obligations on ur mother. That means ur mother's place won't accept u as their own rather as Nwa-Nwa (Child of child ☺️). No matter what, one day, they may ask u to leave for ur place that u don't belong to them. U aren't entitled to some stuffs except u will buy them when they could have been given to u as entitlement.
So let ur mum let go and forge ahead. Change of name doesn't mean u guys don't understand her suffering at the time of paying back

cococandy:
say that to your mom’s face and see her reaction

This made me holler