He knows you cheated or who u are cheating with or who u are planning to cheat with...


He just found out something itchy about you and wanted an excuse to go..

Both of you should getat! Especially you! Yes you! Your indecisive. You want everyone to dictate to you what you should want and want to please all your family members. Are you the last born? ThankGOD the guy ran away you and your family members will be supervising you guys when and how to do the do. Please grow up relationships usually have issues and the parties involved solve those issues without any third party.

So, I am reading comments here from men saying they are doing a woman a favour marrying her and I laugh.

The comments are long and I really don't want to quote anybody.

Ladies, a man should go all out for you, even the men in the Bible did. Little details matter. @OP, but for the distance, I wish you guys were in the same Physical location maybe it could have turned out differently. What would it have cost him to apologise? Does it make him less manly. I doubt the guy was fully committed to marrying you. Guys want good marriages as well as ladies. Nobody is doing anybody a favour marrying anybody if you are a quality person.

As a lady, na them go dey rush you, they just may not be the type of people you want to be in a livelong relationship with due to career, lifestyle, convictions, age, location and a host of other reasons. That's where these men get it wrong, men aren't scarce as they paint it here.

Good, quality, responsible, disciplined and truly godly men are the hard to find ones.

Gabless
Give us the full gist of what happened and not this half baked story.

What brought the confrontation between him and your aunt , your dad too?

What was the reservation that your mom had about him?

God just saved that guy

He don leave una with the money

Go and find another husband if it's easy
28 years you no see husband
He decides to help you and you want him to marry all your family members.

Gabless:
I am 28 years old, a graduate of one of the university in South West. I work as a contract staff in a bank
I met this guy about a year ago through my best female friend, and the journey started. I took him to my parents and he also took me to his parents too, and the wedding preparation started. We were suppose to do family introduction but my parents says there is no need considering some logistic reasons. Although my mum has her reservation conserving him. But since my father has no objection I think am good to go.
He has sent money for some preparation since he is not residing in Lagos. The problem started after I went to idumota with my aunt to buy our engagement clothes. It was my aunt that drove me to the market. When we returned, my fiance called me, we talked for some times, but he couldn't appreciate my aunt for her kind gesture. Although my aunt didn't say anything that day but she wasn't happy. My dad also complained that.he has been rude to him. The same goes with my mum.
The last straw that broke the Carmels back was when he was arguing with my aunt over the phone. He did not know I was in my aunt's house that particular day. I wasn't happy at all, thinking that if he would not regard my parents how would he treat me after marriage, so I confronted him the second day over the phone, telling him that I'm not happy about the way my parents where complaining about him, and that attitude of him is creating fear in me. Instead for him to be a little remoseful and even call those people and apologize, he was arguing with me, still in my aunt's house. So I told him, maybe we should put the preparation on hold thinking he would at least try and apologize to them. He just said, is that what you want and ended the call.
Everyone was surprised. He didn't call back it was his mum that called my mum, she didn't even persuade them to stop me from taking such step, and the guy too didn't call me for like too weeks until when I called him and he said he wasn't interested in the marriage again.
Actually,I wasn't happy and I have been downcasted since then, but on the other hand, May l ask this question does this guy really loves me?. Is he really mature enough for marriage. Is it all my fault? Please don't insult or abuse me. I just want to know if it's all my fault.

In a much as I feel you should not have put the wedding plans on the line... I think God just saved you from a terrible marriage.

My dear, thank God with prayers and fasting. You for too suffer had you married that guy. Your own will come, don't worry.

priceactionx:
In as much as you are fresh in your relationship which may be causing doubts, fears and uncertainty, NEVER allow family emotions to cause you to spend another multiple years praying for a husband.
Someone that has started preparing you to be his wife, and gave you money for stuffs is likely ready for you.
I believe there is more to that coming from your story, but as you have narrated that, he may not see it as you see it.
Instaef of you to gently walk to him physically by visiting him, you called him over the phone to start complaining and confronting him about what people that will never stay in your home complain about especially your aunt.
He saw all that and knew the marriage will be highly influenced by your people. What really caused arguments between him and your anty? What brought the argument? You didn't tell us.
You should not have called him over fone. You should have gone to him straight and told him appealingly to help you thank your sister, because she assisted you to buy stuffs.
In all honesty, there may be lots of manipulations and influences from your path if eventually you got married--third parties. Likely he is feeling insecure.
Also the guy may have ego problems which is very common with many of this generation breeds. But with time, it may melt away.
Don't get me wrong, this is what many relationships and marriages are facing. Your spouse or partner coughs, you expect saying sorry, if he doesn't say, wahala go dey.
. Rule number one,-avoid external influences.
OVERLOOKING OF THINGS, PATIENCE, RESOLUTIONS AND BLOCKING OF EXTERNAL INFLUENCES WILL ALWAYS HELP FRESH RELATIONSHIPS as long is not involving bullying or domestic violence.
Unfortunately he may not come back. The foundation is faulty and fearful already.
What if you get another person in no time, and another worse complaint start all around? What are you gonna do?
God will do better one in no time.

By the way, am happily married for 15 years, and my courtship was less than 3 months, and everything including my marriage was less than 11 months with all doubts and fears. But here are am today. No family members have the gut to talk to my wife or me anyhow. No one, because I never give room for that over time. So I am talking from experiences.

Kindly ignore this epistle here... The last 3 sentences fully summarize the kind of person the writer is.
Thanks and best regards.

[quote author=Gabless post=117307120]I am 28 years old, a graduate of one of the university in South West. I work as a contract staff in a bank
I met this guy about a year ago through my best female friend, and the journey started. I took him to my parents and he also took me to his parents too, and the wedding preparation started. We were suppose to do family introduction but my parents says there is no need considering some logistic reasons. Although my mum has her reservation conserving him. But since my father has no objection I think am good to go.
He has sent money for some preparation since he is not residing in Lagos. The problem started after I went to idumota with my aunt to buy our engagement clothes. It was my aunt that drove me to the market. When we returned, my fiance called me, we talked for some times, but he couldn't appreciate my aunt for her kind gesture. Although my aunt didn't say anything that day but she wasn't happy. My dad also complained that.he has been rude to him. The same goes with my mum.
The last straw that broke the Carmels back was when he was arguing with my aunt over the phone. He did not know I was in my aunt's house that particular day. I wasn't happy at all, thinking that if he would not regard my parents how would he treat me after marriage, so I confronted him the second day over the phone, telling him that I'm not happy about the way my parents where complaining about him, and that attitude of him is creating fear in me. Instead for him to be a little remoseful and even call those people and apologize, he was arguing with me, still in my aunt's house. So I told him, maybe we should put the preparation on hold thinking he would at least try and apologize to them. He just said, is that what you want and ended the call.
Everyone was surprised. He didn't call back it was his mum that called my mum, she didn't even persuade them to stop me from taking such step, and the guy too didn't call me for like too weeks until when I called him and he said he wasn't interested in the marriage again.
Actually,I wasn't happy and I have been downcasted since then, but on the other hand, May l ask this question does this guy really loves me?. Is he really mature enough for marriage. Is it all my fault? Please don't insult or abuse me. I just want to know if it's all my fault.

Bills
Country hard abeg.

God is showing that he is not the man for you. Yes, you would be downcast, it is expected, however, you would get over it.

Gabless:
I am 28 years old, a graduate of one of the university in South West. I work as a contract staff in a bank
I met this guy about a year ago through my best female friend, and the journey started. I took him to my parents and he also took me to his parents too, and the wedding preparation started. We were suppose to do family introduction but my parents says there is no need considering some logistic reasons. Although my mum has her reservation conserving him. But since my father has no objection I think am good to go.
He has sent money for some preparation since he is not residing in Lagos. The problem started after I went to idumota with my aunt to buy our engagement clothes. It was my aunt that drove me to the market. When we returned, my fiance called me, we talked for some times, but he couldn't appreciate my aunt for her kind gesture. Although my aunt didn't say anything that day but she wasn't happy. My dad also complained that.he has been rude to him. The same goes with my mum.
The last straw that broke the Carmels back was when he was arguing with my aunt over the phone. He did not know I was in my aunt's house that particular day. I wasn't happy at all, thinking that if he would not regard my parents how would he treat me after marriage, so I confronted him the second day over the phone, telling him that I'm not happy about the way my parents where complaining about him, and that attitude of him is creating fear in me. Instead for him to be a little remoseful and even call those people and apologize, he was arguing with me, still in my aunt's house. So I told him, maybe we should put the preparation on hold thinking he would at least try and apologize to them. He just said, is that what you want and ended the call.
Everyone was surprised. He didn't call back it was his mum that called my mum, she didn't even persuade them to stop me from taking such step, and the guy too didn't call me for like too weeks until when I called him and he said he wasn't interested in the marriage again.
Actually,I wasn't happy and I have been downcasted since then, but on the other hand, May l ask this question does this guy really loves me?. Is he really mature enough for marriage. Is it all my fault? Please don't insult or abuse me. I just want to know if it's all my fault.

before I can say anything, please what was the argument all about?? Because there must be a good reason for the argument. So tell me

DukeNija:


Utter gibberish! I kept seeing my aunt, my mom, my dad, my neighbor Jesus Christ! Are they all in this relationship with you?
He made the right decision to walk away because it’s obvious he’ll have to deal with more than an indecisive and emotionally dependent wife. Aunt wants him to thank her for taking you, her own niece to the market to buy wedding items? Really? You should thank your aunt not him!
I congratulate the young man for saving himself from an entitled and overly intrusive family.

God bless you immensely for this. The man took the best decision to save his life. To marry such a girl is cradle to the grave.

Munzy14:

The guy got saved from a potential problem as well.

She is being influenced heavily by people around her..The Union won't even last stronger than a crackers biscuit.

I can't even date a lady who doesn't have a mind of her own, not to talk of marrying her.

She will be ever ready to be influenced and manipulated by external forces, there by denying the home the needed peace..Her type ga wu ndi ma Pastor said..My mom said, my Aunt said...no no no way.

She should wait for a man with her kind of character.

It is not always Rosy, but a lady I want to marry, putting the preparations on hold, till I apologise to her Aunt For a reason unserious is a total Fucc up.

100%.

The lady is not even ready for marriage. She should work on herself first before thinking of settling down.

GboyegaD:


I think the ladies are been emotional as such, don't get offended by their post. I wonder how he waited till this moment though cos I for one cannot. A relationship where you are dating the entire family is gibberish. Parents and family members should learn to stay clear of people's relationships.

Her parents also complained that the young man is rude. See, when you marry, you marry into a family and whether you like it or not you must relate with them because you didn't pick your partner from the streets. It would have cost him nothing to extend his regards to her aunt, but no, he must prove his useless ego.

The fact is the guy has some serious character flaws that will be dangerous to overlook

Maybe your fiance wanted to get involved in buying those engagement clothes with you and the least you could've done is told him about it before you and your aunt got along with it, just so you know how he feels about it.

It's possible that he felt left out and the two of you were supposed to be planning the wedding together... In as much as family members can help, consult with each other first before you make a decision, so that the both of you can know what are your plans.

What if he doesn't like those engagement clothes that you bought? What then? Wouldn't you also get mad if he told you that he didn't like the them?

Gabless:
I am 28 years old, a graduate of one of the university in South West. I work as a contract staff in a bank
I met this guy about a year ago through my best female friend, and the journey started. I took him to my parents and he also took me to his parents too, and the wedding preparation started. We were suppose to do family introduction but my parents says there is no need considering some logistic reasons. Although my mum has her reservation conserving him. But since my father has no objection I think am good to go.
He has sent money for some preparation since he is not residing in Lagos. The problem started after I went to idumota with my aunt to buy our engagement clothes. It was my aunt that drove me to the market. When we returned, my fiance called me, we talked for some times, but he couldn't appreciate my aunt for her kind gesture. Although my aunt didn't say anything that day but she wasn't happy. My dad also complained that.he has been rude to him. The same goes with my mum.
The last straw that broke the Carmels back was when he was arguing with my aunt over the phone. He did not know I was in my aunt's house that particular day. I wasn't happy at all, thinking that if he would not regard my parents how would he treat me after marriage, so I confronted him the second day over the phone, telling him that I'm not happy about the way my parents where complaining about him, and that attitude of him is creating fear in me. Instead for him to be a little remoseful and even call those people and apologize, he was arguing with me, still in my aunt's house. So I told him, maybe we should put the preparation on hold thinking he would at least try and apologize to them. He just said, is that what you want and ended the call.
Everyone was surprised. He didn't call back it was his mum that called my mum, she didn't even persuade them to stop me from taking such step, and the guy too didn't call me for like too weeks until when I called him and he said he wasn't interested in the marriage again.
Actually,I wasn't happy and I have been downcasted since then, but on the other hand, May l ask this question does this guy really loves me?. Is he really mature enough for marriage. Is it all my fault? Please don't insult or abuse me. I just want to know if it's all my fault.

Some men want to get involved in their wedding plans and the least the woman could've done is told her fiance about buying the engagement clothes with her aunt so that she may know how he feels about it.

What if he doesn't like those clothes that she and her aunt bought at the end of the day? I mean, it's his wedding too.

Ishilove:

Her parents also complained that the young man is rude. See, when you marry, you marry into a family and whether you like it or not you must relate with them because you didn't pick your partner from the streets. It would have cost him nothing to extend his regards to her aunt, but no, he must prove his useless ego.

The fact is the guy has some serious character flaws that will be dangerous to overlook

Gabless:
I am 28 years old, a graduate of one of the university in South West. I work as a contract staff in a bank
I met this guy about a year ago through my best female friend, and the journey started. I took him to my parents and he also took me to his parents too, and the wedding preparation started. We were suppose to do family introduction but my parents says there is no need considering some logistic reasons. Although my mum has her reservation conserving him. But since my father has no objection I think am good to go.
He has sent money for some preparation since he is not residing in Lagos. The problem started after I went to idumota with my aunt to buy our engagement clothes. It was my aunt that drove me to the market. When we returned, my fiance called me, we talked for some times, but he couldn't appreciate my aunt for her kind gesture. Although my aunt didn't say anything that day but she wasn't happy. My dad also complained that.he has been rude to him. The same goes with my mum.
The last straw that broke the Carmels back was when he was arguing with my aunt over the phone. He did not know I was in my aunt's house that particular day. I wasn't happy at all, thinking that if he would not regard my parents how would he treat me after marriage, so I confronted him the second day over the phone, telling him that I'm not happy about the way my parents where complaining about him, and that attitude of him is creating fear in me. Instead for him to be a little remoseful and even call those people and apologize, he was arguing with me, still in my aunt's house. So I told him, maybe we should put the preparation on hold thinking he would at least try and apologize to them. He just said, is that what you want and ended the call.
Everyone was surprised. He didn't call back it was his mum that called my mum, she didn't even persuade them to stop me from taking such step, and the guy too didn't call me for like too weeks until when I called him and he said he wasn't interested in the marriage again.
Actually,I wasn't happy and I have been downcasted since then, but on the other hand, May l ask this question does this guy really loves me?. Is he really mature enough for marriage. Is it all my fault? Please don't insult or abuse me. I just want to know if it's all my fault.

When your aunt went with you to buy those engagement stuff in Idumota, was he aware your aunt was with you when you guys spoke on phone?

GboyegaD:


I think the ladies are been emotional as such, don't get offended by their post. I wonder how he waited till this moment though cos I for one cannot. A relationship where you are dating the entire family is gibberish. Parents and family members should learn to stay clear of people's relationships.

I think in African tradition,it is often said that when you are marrying someone you are also marrying their family as well. That's not to say I agree with their pork nosing attitude.

You don’t know what God did for you .
Flee from him

Ishilove:

Her parents also complained that the young man is rude. See, when you marry, you marry into a family and whether you like it or not you must relate with them because you didn't pick your partner from the streets. It would have cost him nothing to extend his regards to her aunt, but no, he must prove his useless ego.

The fact is the guy has some serious character flaws that will be dangerous to overlook

At least I am married and so are my siblings and I never witnessed anyone intruding in another's choice of marriage.

If a child is well raised, the parents should be able to respect his/ her judgment of a life partner and reservations would be one that everyone have.

I once dated a lady whose family thinks I'm irresponsible because I wear shorts to their house. The day she mentioned it, I asked her what her judgment is of me because that is what matters.

As for my wife, when the mom asked if I had been married and those funny questions, my response was assertive that she had no obligations to ask me such. If she tags that as been rude for instance, that is her business because I do not owe her that response. I have discussed all my life with the daughter and that is the person I have business with.

Overall, culture sometimes is the challenge and the earlier some people realize not all families subscribe to culture, the better things would be.

moststylish:
I think in African tradition,it is often said that when you are marrying someone you are also marrying their family as well. That's not to say I agree with their pork nosing attitude.

I do not subscribe to that. "Oko kin je ti baba ati omo, ko ma ni ala" meaning a farm can't belong to both the father and the son without boundaries.

If you get married, you are starting your family and that doesn't in anyway disregard your family but there are boundaries. I don't have a business in your discussions with your family provided our own family isn't discussed and vice versa.

I could talk to my folks for hours and never will we switch into each other's family. If there's anything we want to share, it should be coming from who wants to share and not some form of intrusion.

As i dey now, i will be discussing marriage with babe she go begin tell me my aunt said these my mum or dad said that. Totally disgusting and unacceptable it shows your relationship with him would be made public. Know the person you want to marry and focus on him.
Someone like me won't even near una house again go marry your aunty. Free him no be only you get family.

mariahAngel:


All signs could be ignored o, but you see that "my dad complained that he was rude to him.
Same as my mum" part? Boy bye!

As a lady, it is too much of a risk to settle with a man who does not respect nor regard one's parents.

Have you thought of what is been called rude? How about if the parents were trying to intrude into his personal life and he's blocking them, wouldn't the average Nigerian parents tag him as been rude? The story has too many gaps.

GboyegaD:


At least I am married and so are my siblings and I never witnessed anyone intruding in another's choice of marriage.

If a child is well raised, the parents should be able to respect his/ her judgment of a life partner and reservations would be one that everyone have.

I once dated a lady whose family thinks I'm irresponsible because I wear shorts to their house. The day she mentioned it, I asked her what her judgment is of me because that is what matters.

As for my wife, when the mom asked if I had been married and those funny questions, my response was assertive that she had no obligations to ask me such. If she tags that as been rude for instance, that is her business because I do not owe her that response. I have discussed all my life with the daughter and that is the person I have business with.

Overall, culture sometimes is the challenge and the earlier some people realize not all families subscribe to culture, the better things would be.



I do not subscribe to that. "Oko kin je ti baba ati omo, ko ma ni ala" meaning a farm can't belong to both the father and the son without boundaries.

If you get married, you are starting your family and that doesn't in anyway disregard your family but there are boundaries. I don't have a business in your discussions with your family provided our own family isn't discussed and vice versa.

I could talk to my folks for hours and never will we switch into each other's family. If there's anything we want to share, it should be coming from who wants to share and not some form of intrusion.

Ogbeni Gboyega, this kind of mindset is alien to our culture. I completely disagree with you on all counts

Ishilove:

Ogbeni Gboyega, this kind of mindset is alien to our culture. I completely disagree with you on all counts

Glad you disagree but I am sure they love me as a son in law and vice versa. Interestingly, when she told my mom, my mom was quick to let her know not everyone believes that question should be asked and she should have asked my wife instead.

Madam, if anyone is willing to get married and the partner isn't aware of his/her entire past then there's deceit going on. It isn't for the parents to ask such, it is for those involved to discuss extensively.

Another instance was when my wife told the mom we started dating and she asked me to come see her, I told my wife to tell her I cannot. I told my wife we just started dating why does she want to meet me? Some may think it is rude but it isn't.

I guess I must have mentioned it in the past I don't play culture and same does my folks. Glad my dad never believed in most of this repressive culture of ours.

GboyegaD:


Glad you disagree but I am sure they love me as a son in law and vice versa. Interestingly, when she told my mom, my mom was quick to let her know not everyone believes that question should be asked and she should have asked my wife instead.

Madam, if anyone is willing to get married and the partner isn't aware of his/her entire past then there's deceit going on. It isn't for the parents to ask such, it is for those involved to discuss extensively.

Another instance was when my wife told the mom we started dating and she asked me to come see her, I told my wife to tell her I cannot. I told my wife we just started dating why does she want to meet me? Some may think it is rude but it isn't.

I guess I must have mentioned it in the past I don't play culture and same does my folks. Glad my dad never believed in most of this repressive culture of ours.

O ga o. Your in-laws are very tolerant. Someone like my mum would have canceled you immediately

bukatyne:


@bold:

Must be the joke of the 21st century

I didn't expect you to digest it from the female point of view..

So, taking for a joke is allowed.

Ishilove:

O ga o. Your in-laws are very tolerant. Someone like my mum would have canceled you immediately

I wouldn't mind provided you do not cancel me too. I think parents know how assertive each child is and if she knows you are very assertive on your decisions, she will come around and start explaining to me while also listening to my own explanations. It ends up a win- win situation.

This story is incomplete. For a guy to forfeit marriage despite starting to spend towards it, you and your family don too drag am. He probably decided to choose “peace of mind” over every other thing.

mariahAngel:


All signs could be ignored o, but you see that "my dad complained that he was rude to him.
Same as my mum" part? Boy bye!

As a lady, it is too much of a risk to settle with a man who does not respect nor regard one's parents.

Action and reaction are equal and Opposite.

For him to act cold, this family must have had too much of influence on this lady, which is in turn extending to the guy.

I can't even believe a 28yr old lady doesn't have a strong mind of her own..

When some 23yr old they use their hand organise their wedding, Marry peacefully.

The world has moved on from sitting and waiting for instructions, Before you act.

Drop some funds into her account, her aunt go syke her..collect am from back..Manipulating stuff.

OP Abeg allow that man o, you can't give him the peace of mind he is searching for..katakata go dey.

When a lady has a strong mind of her own, her man will cherish that..Someone like me will comfortably allow you run my business because I am certain external factors won't influence you that quick.

The lady has issues to fix, the guy probably have temper Wahala...I wish he is here to speak for himself though.

i dey tell you...

Ishilove:

O ga o. Your in-laws are very tolerant. Someone like my mum would have canceled you immediately

Munzy14:

Action and reaction are equal and Opposite.

For him to act cold, this family must have had too much of influence on this lady, which is in turn extending to the guy.

I can't even believe a 28yr old lady doesn't have a strong mind of her own..

When some 23yr old they use their hand organise their wedding, Marry peacefully.

The world has moved on from sitting and waiting for instructions, Before you act.

Drop some funds into her account, her aunt go syke her..collect am from back..Manipulating stuff.

OP Abeg allow that man o, you can't give him the peace of mind he is searching for..katakata go dey.

When a lady has a strong mind of her own, her man will cherish that..Someone like me will comfortably allow you run my business because I am certain external factors won't influence you that quick.

The lady has issues to fix, the guy probably have temper Wahala...I wish he is here to speak for himself though.

What I have to say is, either they're yet to understand each other very well, or they're not compatible.

Also, it'll be interesting to read the man's side of the story.
I didn't agree with the "he didn't thank my aunt" part.
I thought it was ridiculous.

Zonefree:

100%.

The lady is not even ready for marriage. She should work on herself first before thinking of settling down.

I tire o..