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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Marriage Advice Needed. No Insult Please (3572 Views)
What Marriage Advice Would You Give Your Younger Self? / Please My Marriage ! Advice Please / Need Advice, No Insult Please (2) (3) (4)
Marriage Advice Needed. No Insult Please by Nobody: 8:57am On Oct 06, 2022 |
I have been dating this guy for over 2 years. When we started dating, he had no job and I always encouraged him to get something doing no matter how small because he was always relying on his parents then. He got jobs but quit working without telling me, I got to find out later. Due to these issues, he couldn't afford to pay for his apartment, so he had to relocate to his parents house. He got a job in the same area as his parents house and he only looked for it because I told him I wasn't comfortable with him not working, as someone in his late 20s. As a lady, I try to make sure I work, plan my life and look for opportunities with prospects, but he doesn't do these things. He is comfortable with the way things are going for him. He's been working for some months now but there is nothing to show for it, he is not even trying to get a high paying job, start a business, learn a skill or leave his comfort zone. Mind you, I don't ask him for anything since he is not even doing well for himself yet. This guy is proposing marraige, but I don't want to accept because he doesn't have a vision, neither does he have concrete plans or prospect. I'm afraid getting married to him would mean I'll be carrying all the burden while married, since he is even comfortable with the way things are for him now. I'm tired of having this discussion with him. Please I need suggestions on what you'd likely do if you find yourself in my situation. 3 Likes |
Re: Marriage Advice Needed. No Insult Please by Mindlog: 9:02am On Oct 06, 2022 |
With what you narrated, why is the relationship still on? 47 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Marriage Advice Needed. No Insult Please by HarlequinLekex: 9:24am On Oct 06, 2022 |
To avoid diff rounds of stories that touch later,since the guy is not having a vision and plans for his life it is better to stop the relationship because he that can't plan for his life will definately not plan for the future of your marriage esp the kids .Having vision and life plans determines one's future. 8 Likes |
Re: Marriage Advice Needed. No Insult Please by Nobody: 9:39am On Oct 06, 2022 |
Mindlog:I stayed because I thought it's not okay to leave a relationship once you get into it. I also thought it was a temporary issue and timing. It seems I was wrong. 1 Like |
Re: Marriage Advice Needed. No Insult Please by Mindlog: 9:45am On Oct 06, 2022 |
Exquisitely: It is okay to leave a relationship when it is draining you, as not all relationship should end in marriage. 16 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Marriage Advice Needed. No Insult Please by Fahvvy: 9:46am On Oct 06, 2022 |
Lemme take a wild guess... This guy comes from a family that is "okay" ... 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Marriage Advice Needed. No Insult Please by Weirdcamila: 10:05am On Oct 06, 2022 |
You can only help who wants to be helped . 5 Likes |
Re: Marriage Advice Needed. No Insult Please by lomprico(m): 10:11am On Oct 06, 2022 |
Exquisitely: Why won't he propose when he has seen you will cater for his lazy ass. The choice is yours. 9 Likes |
Re: Marriage Advice Needed. No Insult Please by Nobody: 10:28am On Oct 06, 2022 |
HarlequinLekex: Thank you |
Re: Marriage Advice Needed. No Insult Please by Nobody: 10:29am On Oct 06, 2022 |
Mindlog:Learnt something new today, this is true |
Re: Marriage Advice Needed. No Insult Please by Nobody: 10:30am On Oct 06, 2022 |
Fahvvy:Even if his family is okay, he should do something for himself. His family would not have been okay if they behaved like him 5 Likes |
Re: Marriage Advice Needed. No Insult Please by Nobody: 10:31am On Oct 06, 2022 |
lomprico:I don't mind contributing in marriage, but I can't bear the burden alone 5 Likes |
Re: Marriage Advice Needed. No Insult Please by James289(f): 10:53am On Oct 06, 2022 |
If someone is already a dead beat before marriage, they will be a whole new level of dead beat after marriage. 14 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Marriage Advice Needed. No Insult Please by Lucrativress(f): 11:32am On Oct 06, 2022 |
Exquisitely:I beg you with Heaven and Earth do not marry a visionless man or else you'll suffer and suffer well. You'll become despised and frustrated. You'll later divorce or start dealing with abuse. Later you'll have disturbed mental health You'll loose yourself and start living for your Children You'll forget you came alone to this life and you also deserve to "live" You'll die with the source of your happiness just being your Children and not yourself. 9 Likes |
Re: Marriage Advice Needed. No Insult Please by Lucrativress(f): 11:33am On Oct 06, 2022 |
With these few points of mine, I hope I've been able to dissuade you and not to confuse you that that man is a no no Find your type Someone who sees growth as mandatory 4 Likes |
Re: Marriage Advice Needed. No Insult Please by anthonyuncle(m): 11:49am On Oct 06, 2022 |
your acquaintance is increasing the comfort of his comfort zone 1 Like |
Re: Marriage Advice Needed. No Insult Please by fyzaila: 12:13pm On Oct 06, 2022 |
Op All the advice given to you so far are superb and if you want progress in your life you better adhere to them. Hmmm a young guy who is healthy and fully able but don't have prospect, comfortable in a struggling situation, is not a husband material at all. It is better to be single, happy and burden free than to be in a pathetic marriage. 2 Likes |
Re: Marriage Advice Needed. No Insult Please by tensazangetsu20(m): 12:52pm On Oct 06, 2022 |
You can marry him if you are ready to be the breadwinner and take care of all responsibility in the marriage 3 Likes |
Re: Marriage Advice Needed. No Insult Please by ahnie: 1:05pm On Oct 06, 2022 |
Such a robust decorated healthy leech. This one na eel that knows how to suck blood. 2 Likes |
Re: Marriage Advice Needed. No Insult Please by Socratiz: 1:19pm On Oct 06, 2022 |
Just like much of the advice already given, please cut off this relationship. I cannot see you being happy in a marriage with a lazy, unambitious and entitled man. He would have so much time to play around in your marriage that he could begin a philandering life or develop other unhealthy addiction. The devil would give him something to do since he doesn't have a direction in life. 5 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Marriage Advice Needed. No Insult Please by Richy4(m): 1:41pm On Oct 06, 2022 |
But the whole answers to your question lies within you.... If you can honestly draft a compatibility test in your mind and rate both of you, you might find the answers you are looking for.. Mind you, it not all about finance, drives and goals....Little things like <<What should a healthy relationship provide for the people in it? <<Are you a spender or a saver? <<What is absolutely unforgivable? <<What do you value more- happiness or success? <<What would you consider cheating? <<What is the best quality a person can have? <<What is the worst quality a person can have? <<What activities make you feel most like yourself? <<Is it ever OK to lie? ETC. If you can gently pose little questions like this to him once in a day, u might find out what you wanted... you weigh the stuffs u can tolerate based on his answers and the ones that you cannot ...Then u make the ultimate decision if you can take a walk or stay... don't join the bandwagon that equates relationships to how much money a man must have in his account... money is good but it's not all about money... Can you honestly stay with someone who has the drive for money but does not care or give you the attention that you required? put that into consideration as you are making your decisions..Good luck 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Marriage Advice Needed. No Insult Please by Dreadshy: 2:17pm On Oct 06, 2022 |
Exquisitely:take a walk, na for daytime them dey find black goat 1 Like |
Re: Marriage Advice Needed. No Insult Please by Ayinke93(f): 3:44pm On Oct 06, 2022 |
are you dating my ex?? Ogbeni better leave that idiot so he doesn’t slow your life down. Marriage isn’t the be all, end all. Never ever consider marriage with a lazy man without ambition. You’ll regret every minute of it 2 Likes |
Re: Marriage Advice Needed. No Insult Please by Ayinke93(f): 3:46pm On Oct 06, 2022 |
Lucrativress: Thank you. This is the perfect summary 1 Like |
Re: Marriage Advice Needed. No Insult Please by Lucrativress(f): 3:50pm On Oct 06, 2022 |
Ayinke93:My sister abi o Aiye love in this situation o ni da 3 Likes |
Re: Marriage Advice Needed. No Insult Please by Anonime1105(m): 4:07pm On Oct 06, 2022 |
WTF!!!! How would a guy in his 20s in this current Nigeria without much going for him be thinking of marriage? It's even worse that he is living such a complacent lifestyle. Marry him at your own peril. 2 Likes |
Re: Marriage Advice Needed. No Insult Please by Nobody: 4:07pm On Oct 06, 2022 |
If you are with no vision or aspirations , you two will go on fine, if you are there would be problems. On a second thought though, what do you mean by without vision or ambition ? I hope it is not aiming to be the "richest man in the world by age 30" kinds of vision. Some people just like life easy and smooth oo. 1 Like |
Re: Marriage Advice Needed. No Insult Please by begoniaa: 4:17pm On Oct 06, 2022 |
Nawa with una and wuna dating wahala o. Everytime. I'm about to get married. I'm 26. I'm 28. He's rude. He doesn't have ambition. We met a year ago. We met less than 2 years ago. Should I go on? Does he love me? Our parents are this, that, that. Hian! |
Re: Marriage Advice Needed. No Insult Please by Foodqueen(f): 4:26pm On Oct 06, 2022 |
Red flag Pls take off 1 Like |
Re: Marriage Advice Needed. No Insult Please by Nobody: 4:28pm On Oct 06, 2022 |
Run. 1 Like |
Re: Marriage Advice Needed. No Insult Please by CaveAdullam: 4:49pm On Oct 06, 2022 |
No prospect and ambition, and not even intelligent and hardworking? Dear sister, if you know what's good for you, RUN! 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Marriage Advice Needed. No Insult Please by Gloriagee(f): 4:50pm On Oct 06, 2022 |
So, if it's not Ok to leave a relationship, can you leave a marriage? Exquisitely: 1 Like |
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