@op how old are you ?

I cant believe no one is asking this question .

Men are not settling down again, so if you manage to see one hold am o.

I dey tell you truth, If you see women in their 30s hustling for husband being used and dumped cos men know they have enterred the age of desperation you go fear.

Use your tongue to count your teeth. No one is perfect, real life is not Nairaland.

If it smells like shit, then it is shit. You are lucky you detected his laziness now and can still make your decision.

I would advice you leave the relationship since you stated you can't be the burden bearer. Such a person might not change and you do not have the power to help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

oldienavie:
@op how old are you ?

I cant believe no one is asking this question .

Men are not settling down again, so if you manage to see one hold am o.

I dey tell you truth, If you see women in their 30s hustling for husband being used and dumped cos men know they have enterred the age of desperation you go fear.

Use your tongue to count your teeth. No one is perfect, real life is not Nairaland.

Abeg, this your post no follow at all. Haba!

Of course no one is perfect, but there are some faults one can't look past.

For someone like the Op's fiance that wants to go into marriage, lack of ambition is a red flag dripping in blood.

It would have been different if he were making efforts with no result which is not the case here.

I no go even advise my sister to marry such a guy even with the obvious "lack of husbands" which again is debatable.

Unless this is sarcasm of course.

Please move on. It's difficult to change people. Based on what you narrated here, it looks like he is a lazy fine boy and you both are not compatible in vision.

oldienavie:
@op how old are you ?

I cant believe no one is asking this question .

Men are not settling down again, so if you manage to see one hold am o.

I dey tell you truth, If you see women in their 30s hustling for husband being used and dumped cos men know they have enterred the age of desperation you go fear.

Use your tongue to count your teeth. No one is perfect, real life is not Nairaland.

Huncle
Can you advice your daughter or Sister like this?
This is an impending liability na
Man has no vision ,has to be pushed to work
They get married,nagging starts from her "you are not doing enough, you've stopped trying"
Se you think feeding is cheap ni?
I'll faithfully feed you if I know you have a vision
A visionless man will be your doom unless you have money to own him.

Exquisitely:
I'm afraid getting married to him would mean I'll be carrying all the burden while married, since he is even comfortable with the way things are for him now. I'm tired of having this discussion with him.

Please I need suggestions on what you'd likely do if you find yourself in my situation.

Are you asking us if you should settle for what you obviously know you don't want?

You have already tried to get him to move in the right direction but that has failed. If you plan to continue to bear that what is hardship, then continue, else find yourself peace of mind, even if it comes outside of relationships.

Someone who's like this when you're dating will be like this when you're married. You will open a thread later come say you married a man who refuses to work and contribute to the household or take care of the kids, we go ask you didn't you see the signs before marrying him, you will say you did or ignore the question.

Leave this lazy man and find yourself a responsible man with a job, who can support a family with you. You've done your best to change him. You're not his parents. You're working, whoever you marry also needs to be working and contributing to the household. You want a man who leads, who has ambition. Marry him and end up miserable, or divorced only to start all over again. Better walk away and look for a responsible man now. They're out there, don't let anyone tell you they're not.

oldienavie:
@op how old are you ?

I cant believe no one is asking this question .

Men are not settling down again, so if you manage to see one hold am o.

I dey tell you truth, If you see women in their 30s hustling for husband being used and dumped cos men know they have enterred the age of desperation you go fear.

Use your tongue to count your teeth. No one is perfect, real life is not Nairaland.

You're always trying to shame and scare single women in their 30s, meanwhile you're 37 and single yourself. Don't dish out advice you can't take or won't allow your sisters to take. She should marry a man who refuses to work and has no ambition to work or do anything 'cos for your mind, she won't find another man?

OP, don't listen to this man's useless advice. You will end up a single mother if you listen to him. Be warned. Nigeria has enough single mothers. Don't become a statistic.

Dating/marrying a person with no future ambition is like death sentence.

Neptunium:
Someone who's like this when you're dating will be like this when you're married. You will open a thread later come say you married a man who refuses to work and contribute to the household or take care of the kids, we go ask you didn't you see the signs before marrying him, you will say you did or ignore the question.

Leave this lazy man and find yourself a responsible man with a job, who can support a family with you. You've done your best to change him. You're not his parents. You're working, whoever you marry also needs to be working and contributing to the household. You want a man who leads, who has ambition. Marry him and end up miserable, or divorced only to start all over again. Better walk away and look for a responsible man now. They're out there, don't let anyone tell you they're not.

[b]You're always trying to shame and scare single women in their 30s, meanwhile you're 37 and single yourself. Don't dish out advice you can't take or won't allow your sisters to take. [/b]She should marry a man who refuses to work and has no ambition to work or do anything 'cos for your mind, she won't find another man?

OP, don't listen to this man's useless advice. You will end up a single mother if you listen to him. Be warned. Nigeria has enough single mothers. Don't become a statistic.

You guys don't like to hear the truth, I like to hear from single ladies in their 30s running around and begging men worse than the men they refused to marry in their 20s .
THis is the reality, sensationalism won't change a thing.
When a woman enters her 30s it becomes difficult to see a man to settle down with, many men will just be sleeping with her and tossing her around.
If you like lie to yourself that this is not the case, look around you, thats the reality cos men are no longer getting married again.

There is a difference between truth/reality and fantasy.

No one is perfect, all the married people that you see are managing in their homes and those that are unable to manage and tolerate their spoues are divorced, if you think you will see a man who is 100% you will just end up like tonto dike who had to give a man money to pay her own bride price .

Lucrativress:

Huncle
Can you advice your daughter or Sister like this?
This is an impending liability na
Man has no vision ,has to be pushed to work
They get married,nagging starts from her "you are not doing enough, you've stopped trying"
Se you think feeding is cheap ni?
I'll faithfully feed you if I know you have a vision
A visionless man will be your doom unless you have money to own him.

No man is perfect, everybody has their own problem, let the op weigh her options, do you think if the OP had seen other men asking to marry her she will be asking these questions here ?
A lot of people here advising are too young to understand the reality out there.

If OP does not see another man she better manage with the man she has, na broke he broke he nor kee person , neither is he beating her.

You have seen all these traits that you are not comfortable with and yet you are here asking us if you should go ahead and marry him? You can clearly see that both of you are not compatible and are "WORLDS APART". You are more ambitious and he does not seem to be ambitious according to how you have described him. Just bear this in mind; things you can’t tolerate when dating will most likely get worse when married. If you know you can’t accept his laid back attitude then don’t waste his or your time any longer. Let him go and find someone who will be okay with his way of life; and you, go and find someone else who is ambitious like yourself. No come say dem no warn you o; ENOUGH SAID.

oldienavie:

No man is perfect, everybody has their own problem, let the op weigh her options, do you think if the OP had seen other men asking to marry her she will be asking these questions here ?
A lot of people here advising are too young to understand the reality out there.

If OP does not see another man she better manage with the man she has, na broke he broke he nor kee person , neither is he beating her.

I know he is broke,it is just the fact there's a possible surety of subsequent brokeness
Forget physical abuse might later come in
I'm also a female, I understand the pressure attached to age and all but you don't want to use your 20's or 30's to make the mistake of a lifetime all in the name of being married na

Lucrativress:


I know he is broke,it is just the fact there's a possible surety of subsequent brokeness
Forget physical abuse might later come in
I'm also a female, I understand the pressure attached to age and all but you don't want to use your 20's or 30's to make the mistake of a lifetime all in the name of being married na

Atleast you get the point I am making, unlike the kids quoting me who don't seem to understand the reality and are living in fantasy.

Tell him that you'd like to marry him but not in this condition. give him time.
Talk more with him about his vision and give him ultimatum to get his ass together else you're calling off the relationship...

@OP (Exquisitely), I am in several FB groups for singles with thousands of members in each. There're single, no kids yet, responsible men in Nigeria looking for a wife. They're not picky about age. Some have met and gotten married from these groups (they post their wedding IVs and photos). There's also one particular group with many abroad-based Nigerian men looking for a wife either abroad or in Nigeria and they aren't picky about age either. The age bashing thing is mostly a construct from men who have nothing to offer. There're plenty single mothers in Nigeria in these groups (it's from these groups that I found out Nigeria has many single mothers) looking for a husband after divorce or their baby daddy left them but you've no kids yet and will have an easier chance of finding someone.

I will not post the names of the groups here. If you're interested in joining them, send me a PM and I will give you the names to join them.

oldienavie:

Atleast you get the point I am making, unlike the kids quoting me who don't seem to understand the reality and are living in fantasy.

I get sha but we're trying to secure a future that will not make us "jiya Ku"

Exquisitely:
I have been dating this guy for over 2 years. When we started dating, he had no job and I always encouraged him to get something doing no matter how small because he was always relying on his parents then.

He got jobs but quit working without telling me, I got to find out later. Due to these issues, he couldn't afford to pay for his apartment, so he had to relocate to his parents house.

He got a job in the same area as his parents house and he only looked for it because I told him I wasn't comfortable with him not working, as someone in his late 20s. As a lady, I try to make sure I work, plan my life and look for opportunities with prospects, but he doesn't do these things. He is comfortable with the way things are going for him.

He's been working for some months now but there is nothing to show for it, he is not even trying to get a high paying job, start a business, learn a skill or leave his comfort zone.
Mind you, I don't ask him for anything since he is not even doing well for himself yet.

This guy is proposing marraige, but I don't want to accept because he doesn't have a vision, neither does he have concrete plans or prospect. I'm afraid getting married to him would mean I'll be carrying all the burden while married, since he is even comfortable with the way things are for him now. I'm tired of having this discussion with him.

Please I need suggestions on what you'd likely do if you find yourself in my situation.

Going by what you have narrated, I don't think it's necessary to be around such a mentally lazy man, who doesn't think ahead and see his position as the man of the house. I think you need to quit now, because if you end up with him, you are going to regret it. This is not a ill-wish, but a proposition you are aware of now.

This is a situationship, and not a relationship.

Exquisitely:
I have been dating this guy for over 2 years. When we started dating, he had no job and I always encouraged him to get something doing no matter how small because he was always relying on his parents then.

He got jobs but quit working without telling me, I got to find out later. Due to these issues, he couldn't afford to pay for his apartment, so he had to relocate to his parents house.

He got a job in the same area as his parents house and he only looked for it because I told him I wasn't comfortable with him not working, as someone in his late 20s. As a lady, I try to make sure I work, plan my life and look for opportunities with prospects, but he doesn't do these things. He is comfortable with the way things are going for him.

He's been working for some months now but there is nothing to show for it, he is not even trying to get a high paying job, start a business, learn a skill or leave his comfort zone.
Mind you, I don't ask him for anything since he is not even doing well for himself yet.

This guy is proposing marraige, but I don't want to accept because he doesn't have a vision, neither does he have concrete plans or prospect. I'm afraid getting married to him would mean I'll be carrying all the burden while married, since he is even comfortable with the way things are for him now. I'm tired of having this discussion with him.

Please I need suggestions on what you'd likely do if you find yourself in my situation.

I am very happy that you are seeing the red flag

Its now left for you to host the flag or bring it down

Left to me, just free this guy, he has no knowledge, no life experience, no strength to struggle and no clear vision

He wants to marry because his parents are advising him to settle down because they know that a woman have a way of resetting a man's life

Especially that one that refused to grow

He is lazy and there is nothing you can ever do to change a leopard spot

Exquisitely:
I have been dating this guy for over 2 years. When we started dating, he had no job and I always encouraged him to get something doing no matter how small because he was always relying on his parents then.

He got jobs but quit working without telling me, I got to find out later. Due to these issues, he couldn't afford to pay for his apartment, so he had to relocate to his parents house.

He got a job in the same area as his parents house and he only looked for it because I told him I wasn't comfortable with him not working, as someone in his late 20s. As a lady, I try to make sure I work, plan my life and look for opportunities with prospects, but he doesn't do these things. He is comfortable with the way things are going for him.

He's been working for some months now but there is nothing to show for it, he is not even trying to get a high paying job, start a business, learn a skill or leave his comfort zone.
Mind you, I don't ask him for anything since he is not even doing well for himself yet.

This guy is proposing marraige, but I don't want to accept because he doesn't have a vision, neither does he have concrete plans or prospect. I'm afraid getting married to him would mean I'll be carrying all the burden while married, since he is even comfortable with the way things are for him now. I'm tired of having this discussion with him.

Please I need suggestions on what you'd likely do if you find yourself in my situation.

He appears to be a lazy person who will later depend on you. Hold on until situations improve. A man must be ready to cater for his family in any way!

Exquisitely:
I have been dating this guy for over 2 years. When we started dating, he had no job and I always encouraged him to get something doing no matter how small because he was always relying on his parents then.

He got jobs but quit working without telling me, I got to find out later. Due to these issues, he couldn't afford to pay for his apartment, so he had to relocate to his parents house.

He got a job in the same area as his parents house and he only looked for it because I told him I wasn't comfortable with him not working, as someone in his late 20s. As a lady, I try to make sure I work, plan my life and look for opportunities with prospects, but he doesn't do these things. He is comfortable with the way things are going for him.

He's been working for some months now but there is nothing to show for it, he is not even trying to get a high paying job, start a business, learn a skill or leave his comfort zone.
Mind you, I don't ask him for anything since he is not even doing well for himself yet.

This guy is proposing marraige, but I don't want to accept because he doesn't have a vision, neither does he have concrete plans or prospect. I'm afraid getting married to him would mean I'll be carrying all the burden while married, since he is even comfortable with the way things are for him now. I'm tired of having this discussion with him.

Please I need suggestions on what you'd likely do if you find yourself in my situation.

Don’t mind people discouraging you, marry him. Marriage will make him change.



Remember horsebands are scarce, so be wise and don't lose one bird at hand

Neptunium:
@OP (Exquisitely), I am in several FB groups for singles with thousands of members in each. There're single, no kids yet, responsible men in Nigeria looking for a wife. They're not picky about age. Some have met and gotten married from these groups (they post their wedding IVs and photos). There's also one particular group with many abroad-based Nigerian men looking for a wife either abroad or in Nigeria and they aren't picky about age either. The age bashing thing is mostly a construct from men who have nothing to offer. There're plenty single mothers in Nigeria in these groups (it's from these groups that I found out Nigeria has many single mothers) looking for a husband after divorce or their baby daddy left them but you've no kids yet and will have an easier chance of finding someone.

I will not post the names of the groups here. If you're interested in joining them, send me a PM and I will give you the names to join them.

I want to join the group.

HarlequinLekex:
To avoid diff rounds of stories that touch later,since the guy is not having a vision and plans for his life it is better to stop the relationship because he that can't plan for his life will definately not plan for the future of your marriage esp the kids

.Having vision and life plans determines one's future.

A basic question indeed. From what I know of women, maybe he is very good in bed.

Exquisitely:
I have been dating this guy for over 2 years. When we started dating, he had no job and I always encouraged him to get something doing no matter how small because he was always relying on his parents then.

He got jobs but quit working without telling me, I got to find out later. Due to these issues, he couldn't afford to pay for his apartment, so he had to relocate to his parents house.

He got a job in the same area as his parents house and he only looked for it because I told him I wasn't comfortable with him not working, as someone in his late 20s. As a lady, I try to make sure I work, plan my life and look for opportunities with prospects, but he doesn't do these things. He is comfortable with the way things are going for him.

He's been working for some months now but there is nothing to show for it, he is not even trying to get a high paying job, start a business, learn a skill or leave his comfort zone.
Mind you, I don't ask him for anything since he is not even doing well for himself yet.

This guy is proposing marraige, but I don't want to accept because he doesn't have a vision, neither does he have concrete plans or prospect. I'm afraid getting married to him would mean I'll be carrying all the burden while married, since he is even comfortable with the way things are for him now. I'm tired of having this discussion with him.

Please I need suggestions on what you'd likely do if you find yourself in my situation.

Find your square root and leave

LordIsaac:

A basic question indeed. From what I know of women, maybe he is very good in bed.

Good in bed and the get up to 7 children abi,na poverty you wan make finish them ni.

How sure are u if they have played the BEADS and BEDS/birds game

LordIsaac:

A basic question indeed. From what I know of women, maybe he is very good in bed.

Good in bed and the get up to 7 children abi,na poverty you wan make finish them ni.

Exquisitely:

I stayed because I thought it's not okay to leave a relationship once you get into it. I also thought it was a temporary issue and timing. It seems I was wrong.

The signs are not good,our marital choices will determine how far we will go in life

Men marry women without a job, bad manners and still shoulder her family responsibilities all the time, no one complains.

Just thinking aloud o. OP, do what you think is right.

zed7:
Men marry women without a job, bad manners and still shoulder her family responsibilities all the time, no one complains.

Just thinking aloud o. OP, do what you think is right.

But in a society where men still believe themselves Lord over women, it almost never turns out well for women who marry men without jobs and a prospect. It is akin to voluntarily entering into marriage with a slave master. Such a decision should only be made with eyes wide open.

Exquisitely:
I have been dating this guy for over 2 years. When we started dating, he had no job and I always encouraged him to get something doing no matter how small because he was always relying on his parents then.

He got jobs but quit working without telling me, I got to find out later. Due to these issues, he couldn't afford to pay for his apartment, so he had to relocate to his parents house.

He got a job in the same area as his parents house and he only looked for it because I told him I wasn't comfortable with him not working, as someone in his late 20s. As a lady, I try to make sure I work, plan my life and look for opportunities with prospects, but he doesn't do these things. He is comfortable with the way things are going for him.

He's been working for some months now but there is nothing to show for it, he is not even trying to get a high paying job, start a business, learn a skill or leave his comfort zone.
Mind you, I don't ask him for anything since he is not even doing well for himself yet.

This guy is proposing marraige, but I don't want to accept because he doesn't have a vision, neither does he have concrete plans or prospect. I'm afraid getting married to him would mean I'll be carrying all the burden while married, since he is even comfortable with the way things are for him now. I'm tired of having this discussion with him.

Please I need suggestions on what you'd likely do if you find yourself in my situation.

The guy simply needs to grow his tail ... He is simply. It self aware ... He doesn't understand like yet ...allow him to grow or dump his sorry ass girl ...

He's not ready

Ayinke93:
are you dating my ex??
Ogbeni better leave that idiot so he doesn’t slow your life down. Marriage isn’t the be all, end all. Never ever consider marriage with a lazy man without ambition. You’ll regret every minute of it

but men can consider and marry women without ambition. Stupid

ufotty2001:
but men can consider and marry women without ambition. Stupid

They chose to and I have no business with that. You are obviously the stupid one to jump from 10 miles away to drop trash comment on my post.