₦airaland Forum

Gabless:
I am 28 years old, a graduate of one of the university in South West. I work as a contract staff in a bank.

I met this guy about a year ago through my best female friend, and the journey started. I took him to my parents and he also took me to his parents too, and the wedding preparation started.

We were suppose to do family introduction but my parents says there is no need considering some logistic reasons. Although my mum has her reservation concerning him. But since my father has no objection I think am good to go.

He has sent money for some preparation since he is not residing in Lagos. The problem started after I went to idumota with my aunt to buy our engagement clothes. It was my aunt that drove me to the market. When we returned, my fiance called me, we talked for some times, but he couldn't appreciate my aunt for her kind gesture. Although my aunt didn't say anything that day but she wasn't happy. My dad also complained that he has been rude to him. The same goes with my mum.

The last straw that broke the Carmels back was when he was arguing with my aunt over the phone. He did not know I was in my aunt's house that particular day. I wasn't happy at all, thinking that if he would not regard my parents how would he treat me after marriage.

So I confronted him the second day over the phone, telling him that I'm not happy about the way my parents where complaining about him, and that attitude of him is creating fear in me. Instead for him to be a little remoseful and even call those people and apologize, he was arguing with me, still in my aunt's house.

So I told him, maybe we should put the preparation on hold thinking he would at least try and apologize to them. He just said, is that what you want and ended the call.

Everyone was surprised. He didn't call back it was his mum that called my mum, she didn't even persuade them to stop me from taking such step, and the guy too didn't call me for like too weeks until when I called him and he said he wasn't interested in the marriage again.

Actually, I wasn't happy and I have been downcasted since then, but on the other hand, May l ask this question does this guy really loves me?. Is he really mature enough for marriage. Is it all my fault? Please don't insult or abuse me. I just want to know if it's all my fault.

DukeNija:
Utter gibberish! I kept seeing my aunt, my mom, my dad, my neighbor Jesus Christ! Are they all in this relationship with you?
He made the right decision to walk away because it’s obvious he’ll have to deal with more than an indecisive and emotionally dependent wife. Aunt wants him to thank her for taking you, her own niece to the market to buy wedding items? Really? You should thank your aunt not him!
I congratulate the young man for saving himself from an entitled and overly intrusive family.

faithfull18:
So, I am reading comments here from men saying they are doing a woman a favour marrying her and I laugh.

The comments are long and I really don't want to quote anybody.

Ladies, a man should go all out for you, even the men in the Bible did. Little details matter. @OP, but for the distance, I wish you guys were in the same Physical location maybe it could have turned out differently. What would it have cost him to apologise? Does it make him less manly. I doubt the guy was fully committed to marrying you. Guys want good marriages as well as ladies. Nobody is doing anybody a favour marrying anybody if you are a quality person.

As a lady, na them go dey rush you, they just may not be the type of people you want to be in a livelong relationship with due to career, lifestyle, convictions, age, location and a host of other reasons. That's where these men get it wrong, men aren't scarce as they paint it here.

Good, quality, responsible, disciplined and truly godly men are the hard to find ones.

Munzy14:
The guy got saved from a potential problem as well.

She is being influenced heavily by people around her..The Union won't even last stronger than a crackers biscuit.

I can't even date a lady who doesn't have a mind of her own, not to talk of marrying her.

She will be ever ready to be influenced and manipulated by external forces, there by denying the home the needed peace..Her type ga wu ndi ma Pastor said..My mom said, my Aunt said...no no no way.

She should wait for a man with her kind of character.

It is not always Rosy, but a lady I want to marry, putting the preparations on hold, till I apologise to her Aunt For a reason unserious is a total Fucc up.

twosquare:
Better run...don't you guys did counseling at first, no matter how little?

Someone who can disrespect your father, you go see shege.

A lot of men arguing here lacks home training. I can't even do that to my father-in-law or her aunt. Wọn ò bimi da. Because I'm well brought up. If I don't like something, there is a diplomatic way to resolve it... And if you still insist, you're on your own...no one will place knife on my neck...

People should understand that during wedding preparations, tempers flare coz na the feathers of money dem dey pluck from each other's body...

As for the man, that's total wrong. And please, you too, pẹlẹ lakọ o labo.

Find a good man...not all these àwọn ọkùnrin irọlẹ ayé.

laluski:
My sister, go to church and roll on the floor 21 times to our Lord God Almighty!! You have escaped the clutches of Satan in form of that frog you call a fiancee.. You don't know what God did for you..God loves you..few...very few have escaped what you just escaped..you for see danfo call am coaster bus...you better block and delete him, his family and all that's attached to him.. sorrow and calamity is not your portion...Your husband is close to you..just keep praying..he'll find you soon...

an555:
My sister was once having a relationship with someone like this, with no single regard for my parent, not even his own parents too, not that he is bringing anything to my family table besides the introduction he came for, and even if he does he has no right to talk back at my family. my dad was quick to notice his attitude so he reused the collection of the bride price but it was done in private so the public doesn't take notice. The guy's attitude didn't change, he became a problem always hitting my sister and talking down on my parents when they argue, trust me as the first son as soon as I discovered I traveled down from my location in Ghana and went right to his house, I spoke to my sister and also to the guy, we had a manly conversation and I even advise him on his nonchalant attitude to which be promised to change even his dad can attest to this but while I was with them during my period of visit this guy never changed, I refuse to interfere at some point to get my facts right but made sure he didn't lay his hands on my sister, since he refused to be sane, I taught him a serious lesson and I jejely pack my sister out of his house with her consent before I murder a confused gender who isn't matured for marriage, lest I forget they had a daughter together and she has been a blessing to our life. The father has chosen to be a deadbeat dad but we don't care my aim for his child is to put her in a top place that the father thinks she won't attain without his support. I will always protect my family at all costs no matter what.

CSTRR:
I have read the story, and there is nothing too extreme about her behavior.

That is normal female attitude.

And this is a girl that is getting married for the first time.

She doesn't know much and she needs her family to guide her.

A man that loves her and is of good character will understand.

No be today people dey marry na.

faithfull18:
Funny, this your line is for irresponsible people not the correct ones.

Levels1:
I have little to say here bro, and it goes thus;

May you live long in life with sound health,Amen.

May your children children never meet this kind of op of a Lady in life as a wife Amen.

May God continue to uphold whatever you lay your hands on Amen.

You are such a reasonable and sensible Adults who is full of wisdom ,knowledge understanding and experience just like King David.

Bro you spoke my mind as I was in similar situations before and I have to let go of her for my peace of mind.

wamide042:
And most times their reservations are always right though not all but “most times”. Our mothers see things from afar of which we cannot see because we’re either in love or too relaxed that we don’t see the evils lurking around such parters like they say “when you’re too close to someone you’re usually the last person to know of his evils”.

emonis88:
Those of u saying she dodged a bullet, u didn't even hear the guy's own side of the story, there is a possibility they were killing the guy with expenses, it is financial stress they were giving the guy that made the guy act so, cus he felt her family was asking for too much n urging d lady on to do a one in town wedding, buy the best cloths, get d best hall , invite as many of their people as possible, to let people know that their daughter is getting married, it such callousness that makes a man quarrel with his prospective in-laws, n to cap it all she go dey do shakara say put d wedding on hold, wo! Good radiance to bad rubbish, the guy saw a lee way to run for his life o!

CSTRR:
I have read the story, and there is nothing too extreme about her behavior.

That is normal female attitude.

And this is a girl that is getting married for the first time.

She doesn't know much and she needs her family to guide her.

A man that loves her and is of good character will understand.

No be today people dey marry na.

ahnie:
Ekwueme!Ekwueme!!
You're the living God oh
Eze no one like you.


That wasn't just a song,there lies the answers you seek.

A quick reminder as a brain teaser,that song up there was sang by osinachi.

GboyegaD:
What we call rude most times are not. If the dad disrespects him and he reacts, they will be quick to say he's rude. Truth is I have heard that statement that I'm rude many times and I don't care.

I have been told I'm disrespectful and rude because I spoke English to an elder; I have been labeled rude because I didn't prostrate for an elder and many more. Unless we hear from the guy, it is difficult to conclude.

mariahAngel:
You dodged a bullet dear.
Be thankful.

CSTRR:
I have read the story, and there is nothing too extreme about her behavior.

That is normal female attitude.

And this is a girl that is getting married for the first time.

She doesn't know much and she needs her family to guide her.

A man that loves her and is of good character will understand.

No be today people dey marry na.

twosquare:
Better run...don't you guys did counseling at first, no matter how little?

Someone who can disrespect your father, you go see shege.

A lot of men arguing here lacks home training. I can't even do that to my father-in-law or her aunt. Wọn ò bimi da. Because I'm well brought up. If I don't like something, there is a diplomatic way to resolve it... And if you still insist, you're on your own...no one will place knife on my neck...

People should understand that during wedding preparations, tempers flare coz na the feathers of money dem dey pluck from each other's body...

As for the man, that's total wrong. And please, you too, pẹlẹ lakọ o labo.

Find a good man...not all these àwọn ọkùnrin irọlẹ ayé.

faithfull18:
Lol, indeed. A good marriage is beneficial to both genders. Can men really stay alone, like alone, not sleeping around oo, just be alone, even God saw that it would be difficult, that was why he created woman

Gospel2Day:
Then you should have heard from the guy before criticizing her.
Your comment shows that you have already taken sides with the guy.
If people tell you that you're rude, disrespectful and proud, all of them cannot be wrong. Check yourself.
Whenever someone says I don't care what people say or think about me, they have attitude and arrogance issues.

Gabless:
I am 28 years old, a graduate of one of the university in South West. I work as a contract staff in a bank.

I met this guy about a year ago through my best female friend, and the journey started. I took him to my parents and he also took me to his parents too, and the wedding preparation started.

We were suppose to do family introduction but my parents says there is no need considering some logistic reasons. Although my mum has her reservation concerning him. But since my father has no objection I think am good to go.

He has sent money for some preparation since he is not residing in Lagos. The problem started after I went to idumota with my aunt to buy our engagement clothes. It was my aunt that drove me to the market. When we returned, my fiance called me, we talked for some times, but he couldn't appreciate my aunt for her kind gesture. Although my aunt didn't say anything that day but she wasn't happy. My dad also complained that he has been rude to him. The same goes with my mum.

The last straw that broke the Carmels back was when he was arguing with my aunt over the phone. He did not know I was in my aunt's house that particular day. I wasn't happy at all, thinking that if he would not regard my parents how would he treat me after marriage.

So I confronted him the second day over the phone, telling him that I'm not happy about the way my parents where complaining about him, and that attitude of him is creating fear in me. Instead for him to be a little remoseful and even call those people and apologize, he was arguing with me, still in my aunt's house.

So I told him, maybe we should put the preparation on hold thinking he would at least try and apologize to them. He just said, is that what you want and ended the call.

Everyone was surprised. He didn't call back it was his mum that called my mum, she didn't even persuade them to stop me from taking such step, and the guy too didn't call me for like too weeks until when I called him and he said he wasn't interested in the marriage again.

Actually, I wasn't happy and I have been downcasted since then, but on the other hand, May l ask this question does this guy really loves me?. Is he really mature enough for marriage. Is it all my fault? Please don't insult or abuse me. I just want to know if it's all my fault.

Gabless:
My dad also complained that he has been rude to him. The same goes with my mum.

The last straw that broke the Carmels back was when he was arguing with my aunt over the phone.

ollysaks:
If you are a Christian, rush straight to your Minister and book for Thanksgiving.

You unknowingly delivered yourself from 20 or more years, even self, a life time of pain , sorrows and running around from one pastor, imam, spiritual home or the other.

Either he never loved you or I am suspecting that the sudden switch in interest might be spiritual....( You fit no understand this one >

Walk away.
It will be a painful and humiliating process.
Go and talk to God about your life, so that affliction should not be repeated again.

I mean establish an evil pattern.
It will end in praise in Jesus name amen

wamide042:
Congratulations dear…. God has already delivered you.
My younger sister is also going thru same right now and as it is we also have called off the wedding. My sister’s fiancé is so full of himself, when he brought the marriage proposal my family agreed but told him that they could only do it next year because we already have events planned up for this year and it will be too chocked. Naso guy begin dey vex to the extent of him saying that my Dad should write out the budget that he will write my Dad cheque.
Omo!! We blasted him and his family infact it was sister herself that said she’s no longer interested in the wedding and yes we agreed with her. That’s an insult to us like…WTF !! Loro kan sha.. no wedding again and my sister too is Happy right now.

dontrulee:
Both are correct and both are right at the same time depending on the perspective you see it from. As a man, you've to understand that you're not just marrying a woman, you're marrying her family and her family may not be like her, infact her family can even be very annoying. Just play to their tune, apologize if you need to apologize. (I have learnt that people tend to fall and can't control who apologizes, when in fact most times, you apologizing doesn't change anything. You apologizing doesn't reduce your quality, infact it makes things easy for you if you understand). As a man before you marry, you must learn how to apologize even if you're right and the other person is wrong.

As a woman, be careful of the man you're getting married to. Don't be carried away by all the love, vibes and giddy feelings. How the man treats your family will determine how he will treat you in the long run. A man true character is how he treats others and not necessarily how he treats you, open your eyes because you'll be the only one with him when you get married to him.

And for you Op, if he wants to call off the wedding, let him be. Perhaps he is thinking that you'll apologize or call him or beg maybe perhaps because of your age and all. Whereas, the truth is that God just saved you from a disaster. I wish you the best in Life. May you get married to the one who will treat you and your family right and don't let the pressure of age blind your eyes, you're unique and you're a queen.