₦airaland Forum

ukaface:
Inasmuch as the op's wife isn't straightforward, I see a whole lot of men who are so into the patriarchal system....lmao
They so love the title ' head of the house' and can't accept a woman matching up to them. In a way, it's pathetic.

See your mouth like patriarchy. It seems where you come from, it is your mother controlling your father and calling the shots.
You are still young, dumb and single. When you grow older, you will understand better.

Why do some of you see a sleeping tiger, minding its own business and you go and wake it up?

If you've lived in the US for more than five to ten years, you have a different worldview, mindset and understanding of things than that woman you want to bring over. You are setting the stage for conflict that may invariably consume you.

Have you not seen all the beautiful, well mannered and well educated Nigerian girls in Atlanta, Houston, New York and Chicago, to mention a few?
When it starts, the first thing that will clear from your eyes will be love.

If you are going to go through with it, be sure you have come to terms with the possible outcome and that you will never resort to violence, but will simply walk away.

I don't understand you guys who go home to marry. is it inferiority complex or are you guys looking for a naive woman and are afraid of a strong, independent minded but respectful woman?

Mummyimbecile:
Truth be told, you can't treat your wife anyhow you feel in a western country. They give women so much power.

I plan to marry my girlfriend of over 5 years by March next year and file for her to migrate to the US. When she comes, I plan to sponsor her to become a Registered Nurse...I have begged her to behave herself once she enters the United States, and above all stay away from all these white women. Most of them are the ones spoiling our wives who migrate over here.

The OP's wife is more than crazy. She will be the end of him if he sets foot in the UK.

Amosaloud:
As to asking your friends abroad to provide a reference for a stranger,that is a no no. That is the height of stupidity to do that. He should go and ask for reference from his own contacts.

It doesn't matter who goes first between the man and the woman. A man or woman( as in this case) who will misbehave, will misbehave regardless of who get's to the West first. You can also be sure that the misbehaviour did not start when the person arrived abroad. There are still men and women who take their marital vows seriously. They just happen to be in the minority.

Munzy14:
First cut down on your insecurities..Women worry more and behave best, when you seem to be less interested in her acts.

If she knows she has your mumu button, your name is "SORRY".. she will use it to a greater advantage.

For now, she is trying to survive...But my best advise to you is to have a plan B which is more of self development to make more money as well..You will need it as things progress..Don't say nobody told you.

If you aren't sure of planB over there, You will have to abort mission..Maybe your kids can go while you establish yourself here and visit them over there.

It is never a man's way to depend on a woman..She will insult, and make you regret the day you met her..a woman wants to survive at all means in some cases..

If you must go, go because you have something tangible to foot your bills there..Never you ever depend on any woman..forget the love and sweetie, she go show you pepper when the table switch.

Lastly, I will never make this kind mistake..If abroad go sup, I will go there, test the waters, secure a niche, create a habitat and bring her and my kids over there...And not the other way..

OkoAmarashy:
See your mouth like patriarchy. It seems where you come from, it is your mother controlling your father and calling the shots.
You are still young and single. When you grow older, you will understand better.

You dey mind am? Na simp most of these small girls of nowadays dey find. My father is the head of his household and my mother submits to him. Growing up he always worked hard, provided for the house, sent his kids to the best schools, food always dey. We lived in big homes. My mum will tell you today that after 40 years of marriage, she is still enjoying her marriage and she is happy. They have relocated permanently to the US and I have not heard from my Dad that my Mum is misbehaving there. Nowadays these small girls will tell you that the marriage is a partnership and they will never submit to their husband. As if that is how God defined a marriage to be. A lot of these small small Instagram girls of today lack wisdom and the married ones don't know how to manage their homes. It is better for a 9ja man to be single than to marry perpetual headache.

Something you don't want to admit is happening.

1. It's possible that your wife had an online contact with this Mr. Mike before she left Nigeria. It is also possible that they met for the first time in the aircraft or even airport the day she travelled and got close. But the closeness is not ordinary. For someone to look directly into her phone to see who she's talking to, it means he has a level of control over her.

2. It could be that she secretly added him to the call because she wanted him to hear firsthand what you were ranting about so to know how to navigate. It is possible that she was at that very place with him.

3. The church meeting? It was planned. In fact, he took her to the church, and that says a lot. Why then did she lie about the coincidence?

4. She lied about the freezing hands. She didn't want to take your call. So where was she and what was she doing? Maybe they were sitting out that day. She's trying to use her free moments without disturbance.

5. Apart from school, is your wife working? If she is, the man is the one who linked her, and if true, she must have known her way before today. If not, for him to know agencies that could connect you to jobs, it is obvious that he lied about the house thing. He knows the town more than your wife. Probably he has not bedded her yet, but it's close.

6. It is likely that the guy has chopped her or fondled her backside already. For someone you just met to make that kind of comment in an environment where that can easily pass for sexual harassment, it means that they're deep in each other. That cannot come from an ordinary friend you just met. It is deeper.

My layman conclusion:. If your wife has not given him the big backside already, it will soon happen. Your wife has been evasive and you're likely to encounter more realities of the West very soon, especially when you move down to the wild West. Your wife has a high tendency for cheating and your instincts are not wrong. Why is the guy afraid of talking to you? Someone is eating your fat backside guy.

nedekid:
Hmm, op, op. There is fire on the mountain. First, I can assure you that 2 months ago, UK was not that cold that your hand will get frozen, infact it was hot, just like naija. I was here in mid august to first week of September and so I know. Even now, I am back in the UK, it is cold but not very cold. Lowest so far 14 but average ly 18-22 degrees. In fact I just stepped out to smoke wearing normal cloths.
That said, what is her business assisting someone she does not know before get a referee? Oga those naija men in London don't waste time ohh. Seems your madam is enjoying her freedom and attention. Unfortunately a lot of married women will use that opportunity to taste other "things".
Women are doing it when in naija with their husband's how much more far away in another country where no one knows them.
My paddy that was shouting Sai baba those days cos he was doing well. Immediately buhari entered, every thing went bad. He sold every thing including his shop, SUV etc and did US visa for his family, they gave them. Big mistake, instead of him to go first, na him wife go, say when she work she go send money make them come. Long story short, 5 years now madam don lost for US. Even oga visa don expire. Always better for the hubby to go first or you all go together.
You sha, blind your eye and don't kill yourself with stress cos what will happen will happen. Try to get to UK very very fast if you wish to salvage your marriage. One you get there don't ask or probe further to avoid conflict. Get a job also do part-time schooling to upgrade yourself.
It is usually hard on the man at first, but when you find your feet and balanced financially, you should be good.

The cold thing was what caught my own attention

Cullinane:
You dey mind am? Na simp most of these small girls of nowadays dey find. My father is the head of his household and my mother submits to him. Growing up he always worked hard, provided for the house, sent his kids to the best schools, food always dey. We lived in big homes. My mum will tell you today that after 40 years of marriage, she is still enjoying her marriage and she is happy. They have relocated permanently to the US and I have not heard from my Dad that my Mum is misbehaving there. Nowadays these small girls will tell you that the marriage is a partnership and they will never submit to their husband. As if that is how God defined a marriage to be. A lot of these small small Instagram girls of today lack wisdom and the married ones don't know how to manage their homes. It is better for a 9ja man to be single than to marry perpetual headache.

That one is one small, senseless girl that just entered UK less than 6 months ago. The thing still dey shark am.
The foolishness for her head go soon clear - when she turns 50 and unmarried.

nedekid:
Hmm, op, op. There is fire on the mountain. First, I can assure you that 2 months ago, UK was not that cold that your hand will get frozen, infact it was hot, just like naija. I was here in mid august to first week of September and so I know. Even now, I am back in the UK, it is cold but not very cold. Lowest so far 14 but average ly 18-22 degrees. In fact I just stepped out to smoke wearing normal cloths.
That said, what is her business assisting someone she does not know before get a referee? Oga those naija men in London don't waste time ohh. Seems your madam is enjoying her freedom and attention. Unfortunately a lot of married women will use that opportunity to taste other "things".
Women are doing it when in naija with their husband's how much more far away in another country where no one knows them.
My paddy that was shouting Sai baba those days cos he was doing well. Immediately buhari entered, every thing went bad. He sold every thing including his shop, SUV etc and did US visa for his family, they gave them. Big mistake, instead of him to go first, na him wife go, say when she work she go send money make them come. Long story short, 5 years now madam don lost for US. Even oga visa don expire. Always better for the hubby to go first or you all go together.
You sha, blind your eye and don't kill yourself with stress cos what will happen will happen. Try to get to UK very very fast if you wish to salvage your marriage. One you get there don't ask or probe further to avoid conflict. Get a job also do part-time schooling to upgrade yourself.
It is usually hard on the man at first, but when you find your feet and balanced financially, you should be good.

When reading, the cold thing was what caught my attention. You are right, am in Canada and Canada is way colder than UK, as am talking to you, it is not freezing yet and it hasn't got to point you can't expose your hands.

iykemoney90:
Oga allow your wife breathe mehn. Your own is too much, person wey Don born 3 for you, wetin else you dey look. You are just battling insecurity, nothing else

@kbower

Sincerely this guy I quoted is right. You try to micro manage and control everything, let me tell you your wife is feeling suffocated, hence the half truths you're getting and the inconsideration's, I don't advocate that anyways.

I won't tell you how to run your home, but this I have to say, loosen up on trying to micromanage her every move, let her ask, and if you offer a solution that she down plays, leave her to it, down the line demand for ways she sorted out that issue. The best way to get your wife is to give her space and if she have any respect and fidelity for you in mind, she go day give you 30 missed call just to tell you how her day went and all that happens in it.

Let me tell you, if you set your altar right (a dependable relationship you have with God, where he gives you strategies, insight and answers) you will worry less, you're giving yourself BP for nothing. The Best way to keep certain treasured items, is to be willing to lose them, this is where ultimate power lies. The power to lay things down before God and let Him help you, you can't be too sure with your strength.

Don't listen to kids telling you that your wife is this and that and that you will lose her in UK, all those are childish and rubbish talk, you're overbearing on her hence her responses, let her be and she'll come running, if she has you in mind.

ukaface:
Inasmuch as the op's wife isn't straightforward, I see a whole lot of men who are so into the patriarchal system....lmao
They so love the title ' head of the house' and can't accept a woman matching up to them. In a way, it's pathetic.

You're supporting blind confrontation, that's not ideal, more so the male and female gender have fvcked things up.

1. The headship of the house is upon the basis that a man understands God and exercise headship based on God's template not as he wills, this is where most African men miss it, by making thier culture or context superior to scriptures which is wrong.

2. A woman's submission is also based on the template of how God have directed not a context she picks up from the street or society or to feel submission is relinquishing her humanity to her husband, that's why a woman should love a man who understand and fears God first and her submission based on the template of Sarah. Then you'll see the beauty in marriage.

When two people who understand and fear God comes together, then you'll see heaven on earth.

kbower:
Hi Nlanders

We all know no marriage is all that smooth and rosey, we all that are in it have challenges here and there, and for almost 11 years now, out of tolerance, ruggedity, minding my business in terms of taking care of the family have always been something that has held my marriage down, because the majority of the issue I have with my wife have always been issues of trust, transparency, accountability, respect and
loyalty.

Some people will say with these things I have listed, that I may be asking for too much, but I can tell whoever would reason that way that it's not too much because am a responsible father/husband that have never for once strayed the family in anyway that will make me lack any of the above stated qualities a man can enjoy from a wife.

Why am I here? Ok.. After enduring so much for 11 years, we are relocating to the UK, she is the main applicant, myself and the 3 children are dependants, she traveled first, leaving myself and the 3 kids behind until she can secure accommodation b4 we leave.

I have heard about countless incidences of how SOME women treat their husbands and the POWER zoned to women in that country which makes it almost impossible for a man with a wife that gives him constant problem to be able to thrive in that country.

I just want to state three peculiar incidences that occured during her 1month stay over there that is already making me feel I have alot to face over there, though I know my God is bigger than anything, I just want people that are over there, or people that are experienced here and all over who are capable of handing a good advise for me on getting there to know how I can fare and withstand what is to come.

Based on the above from the major incidences I have experienced with her, first two weeks of being there, she had gone to check a house b4 heading to school, on her way back to school, she claimed she didn't take enough money and going back home might not be possible, I asked how she would wanna go about it
and she replied saying I will borrow money from Mr Mike, a man she just met at school on her first day of registration. I was like that's wrong, you don't form familiarity with someone you just met in another man's country, I said I will call a friend in liverpool to send you money and you could get your train ticket. She fumed, but I stood my ground and said that's how its going to be. I have asked her to collect a friends account details, since she has not opened an account yet, she said when her class finishes by 8.30pm she'll request details from her friend so the money can be sent. Fast forward to closing period, I messaged her to send me details, she ignored, I called ad she said nobody has an account that I should not worry she will sort herself, I was now like you just got to that country, u have no friends that u know too well to rely on, I am ur hubby and I opened a way for u to get money easily, yet u didn't make any effort to redeem the opportunity, omo she hung up on me then later called back that she gathered few pennies she had to get the ticket, I was now like why didn't u just say this instead of putting me on pressure over how to get money to convey u all the way from london to Luton, over an hour journey at night.

Secondly, on her next school day, she had previously told me prior to her closing hours that her data has finished and she's using schools wifi, that the moment she steps out from school to head home, she won't be having access to internet, etc WhatsApp and all of that, but importantly was to make use of GPS google map, that's what people over there use to navigate their way in order not to get lost, I was like without internet how do u intend to get to ur destination when u know how stressful it was for u getting lost the other day, now the same statement she made was, I will sort myself. I was raged and said woman I will ask my friend to buy u data so u can get home easy and safe, she said no proble, that she's leaving now, I said well since i wont be able to reach you on whats app, I will definitely call you on normal call shortly to give you the data pin to load. She said no P and hung up.

Moments later, my friend had sent me the data pin, na so I begin dey call wifey oo, over 15 missed calls she nor pick. Later she called back and said her phone was in her laptop bag and her hands were frozen so she couldnt put hands in the bag to pick the call and that she didn't even hear it ring.

The issue I posted up there are issues of not being accountable, and attitude of not showing that you don't need me when its not just about that but for security and your well being knowing fully well you are new in the country and proper guidelines needs to be taken.

Another incident happened 3rd week after her arrival, we were video chatting while she was on a train station waiting for train, next thing I noticed was a guy sitting BEHIND her, the guy boldly took a peep into her phone directly, seemingly trying to see who she was on video call with, immediately i called her attention to it, she just smiled and looked back and said silently, nawa some people for this London nor go mind their business. This very day developed a story that transitioned towards few things I will be stating.

The next sunday, I called her in the morin to say hi and all that, next thing I know she dun dey go church, she nor even discuss am with me and na wetin we dn agree on sey we fo jointly choose church wey we go dey go. After church service, she call me sey that guy wey i talk sey dey peep into her phone, sey the guy that very day asked her how long shes been there for, she said, just 3 weeks, sey how come she come take know road when him don dey 3months he nver know road, sey that same guy him coincidentally meet am for the new church wey she come so, sey the guy dey look am, she comot eye, but later the guy come meet am sey are u not the one that showed me way to where I was going. Sey as him meet the guy coincidentally for church, he fit be sey he get why, maybe for job connection or what not. I nor say anything, cos coincidences arent something new in this world. Then the next day, she call me sey that same guy needs an apartment, sey na married guy with 4 kids, but him wife and 1kid dey here, 3 dey nija them nor fit come yet until house is ready, sey him dey ask her if she can help him get someone that can reference for him to get a house, ha him my wife come dey ginger me sey make i help am talk to my friend wey help us reference if him go fit help the guy too. I come sey no problem, she sey she go call the guy now and put us on 3 way call, i sey no p, i come dey wait for call, no call come and madam nor talk again, i come ring her sey hafa u nor do the three way call again? She sey the guy dey work, him nor fit talk,sey she don give the guy my number to call me later, me come sey no p, send him number I go save am down so if he calls i go know sey na him, madam nor gree send number, I come dey wonder sey wetin dey sup sef, normally I nor spose reason ahead, but me my instict dey very strong, i come begin dey put two and two together sey maybe the guy intention was never to get help but to use style dey hit on my madam maybe na why him nor wan talk to me but wan use my madam dey take communicate.

I come ask madam some some questions on previous ish, I come find out sey small lie dey, so I tackler her sey the way she take explain to me about how him meet the guy for train station nor join, she come vex sey me i come am liar, omo as we dey talk for whatsapp, i nor blv sey my madam added this guy to the call without my consent or my knowledge, so as I dey talk, the guy dey the background, i nor even know anything and the dude himself kept quiet, na after the call finish, I see am for call details sey the guy was added to the call, infact the dude even called me directky i nor pick. Now i got very angry, come call madam sey wetin dey sup, u added this dude wey talk sey him dey work him nor fit talk to the call wey me and u dey on and u didnt even notify me, ok lets agree sey if to sey u wan tell me sey u wan add the guy for call sey i nor go gree sey maybe na why u add am without my consent, at least after u add am secretly, u are suppose to talk and sey bae, since u are accusing me wrongly.

I have added the guy to this call so he can clear me out, but she didnt, she just added the guy and the dude himself kept quiet and didnt say a word until I hung up. I got very furious and told her this is the highest level of see finish and dragging in the mud, wetin u want that guy to dey feel like now? She said shes sorry that she only wanted to clear herself, I was now like even if u wanted to clear urself, if that the best way to go about it, the person who is the subject matter is the best person u need to introduce to clear u out? Later on i just bone the matter come apologise sey make we move on, na so she come begin dey yarn plenty, sey she call the guy that my hubby said that the way we met is unreal, sey the guy sef come talk sey wow, so your husband already thinks am sleeping with you, but i cant blame u though, u know u have a big back side, so thoughts like that from him is likely not a surprise, i was hmmmm to hear that, i come tell madam sey if na true this guy talk this thing, shouldnt u already know he has corny itentions, she said well she too dey wonder cos the two times wey them meet she nor wear wetin fit show her bkside so how d guy come take know. The matter end there, next day madam still dey worry me sey shey I go still help d guy, I was like I cant even talk to him, u dun useless me already for him presence, she dey claim sey she nor do anything wrong by adding him to the call, sey the guy know of agency wey fit help me get better job if i arrive, and sey the guy talk sey if me fit connect am to my friend to reference am for house, him go link me up fr the agency. I talk sey i nor dey interested. Omo I weak. Guys I need advise on how to handle issues over there, cos me nor dey take nonsense for nija here, but for there, one needs to chill, but then should it now be sey because we dey live for country wey give woman power, make woman come use that opportunity come dey fumble?

She is your wife, already 3 kids with you and it means you both have lived together for over 5 years, give her some trust and faith. Sometimes we over reason things in a negative way due to what we read online.
Questions like “where are you, What are you doing there, why don’t you answer my calls?” are questions of insecurity and can make the other person feel threatened.
I for example have left my wife for the past 6 months and I plan to stay here after 2 years, she’s with my son. For the record I don’t trust women even 1% but I do act like a fool that doesn’t care, I don’t ask questions that way I can easily catch or see loose ends, but the moment I keep snoozing and asking irrelevant questions will make her to cover her tracks( if any). I want you to do same, ask less questions and observe more, keep your observation to yourself and give her some trust. I can tell you your wife is not cheating on you.

kbower:
This is exactly what I did over the last 2 days now, and guess what, she has been stalking me with calls. I only call her when there is something important to discuss, but calls based on, i miss u and all of that nor even dey again, the moment she noticed I have drifted from showing affection over calls, she started bombarding me with calls complaining that I dont call her.

something is telling me that the guy has shoocked her already....I swear.

kbower what's your problem?

Your wife is so plain with you.if she is cheating she will never keep you in the loop the way she is doing.


Stop imagining things before you destroy your marriage with your insecurities.

Man up...

Lol there's nothing my wife has not told me becaue I am her dependent. I'll call police for you, ill report you, ill eveict you from the house. House wey I dey pay for o. So brother, this my message is not yo scare you but to let you know that if your tolerance level was 100% on Nigeria, when you are here uou would have to increase it to 1000%. You'll have to that patience that even the fool will think you're are fool. UK is good. You'll work and be able to do things. Gas and electricity is very expensive. My hill just came for the year. £1444 for gas and £1204 for electricity. Rent and other bills like Internet and water still dey there. You'll have to rent a flat because you can't stay in a room with your kids. It's well. I'll advice you learn to ignore. Me coming yo naira land at this time of the night is becaiee the house has just been on fire with only one person shouting and the other party which is me being quiet. I have been threatened by her that by day break sh go call police for me make I commot for the house. I'm waiting for the day to break.

Lastly in all that you do when uou decide to eventually come here, do not and I repeat no matter what she does, say, or do, do not touch her. Just don't say a word. If she like make she hit you, do not touch her.

Blessings.

.

Nawttiboi007:
Bros this woman truly loves you, don’t spoil your marriage over insecurity issues.. you should respect n trust the mother of your 3 children. I strongly believe you’re not faithful and you’re judging her with that effect

You no even sabi women at all
She knows she has been caught and she is trying to deflect suspicions.

kbower:
Hi Nlanders

We all know no marriage is all that smooth and rosey, we all that are in it have challenges here and there, and for almost 11 years now, out of tolerance, ruggedity, minding my business in terms of taking care of the family have always been something that has held my marriage down, because the majority of the issue I have with my wife have always been issues of trust, transparency, accountability, respect and loyalty.

Some people will say with these things I have listed, that I may be asking for too much, but I can tell whoever would reason that way that it's not too much because am a responsible father/husband that have never for once strayed the family in anyway that will make me lack any of the above stated qualities a man can enjoy from a wife.

Why am I here? Ok.. After enduring so much for 11 years, we are relocating to the UK, she is the main applicant, myself and the 3 children are dependants, she traveled first, leaving myself and the 3 kids behind until she can secure accommodation b4 we leave.

I have heard about countless incidences of how SOME women treat their husbands and the POWER zoned to women in that country which makes it almost impossible for a man with a wife that gives him constant problem to be able to thrive in that country.

I just want to state three peculiar incidences that occured during her 1month stay over there that is already making me feel I have alot to face over there, though I know my God is bigger than anything, I just want people that are over there, or people that are experienced here and all over who are capable of handing a good advise for me on getting there to know how I can fare and withstand what is to come.

Based on the above from the major incidences I have experienced with her, first two weeks of being there, she had gone to check a house b4 heading to school, on her way back to school, she claimed she didn't take enough money and going back home might not be possible, I asked how she would wanna go about it
and she replied saying I will borrow money from Mr Mike, a man she just met at school on her first day of registration. I was like that's wrong, you don't form familiarity with someone you just met in another man's country, I said I will call a friend in liverpool to send you money and you could get your train ticket. She fumed, but I stood my ground and said that's how its going to be. I have asked her to collect a friends account details, since she has not opened an account yet, she said when her class finishes by 8.30pm she'll request details from her friend so the money can be sent. Fast forward to closing period, I messaged her to send me details, she ignored, I called ad she said nobody has an account that I should not worry she will sort herself, I was now like you just got to that country, u have no friends that u know too well to rely on, I am ur hubby and I opened a way for u to get money easily, yet u didn't make any effort to redeem the opportunity, omo she hung up on me then later called back that she gathered few pennies she had to get the ticket, I was now like why didn't u just say this instead of putting me on pressure over how to get money to convey u all the way from london to Luton, over an hour journey at night.

Secondly, on her next school day, she had previously told me prior to her closing hours that her data has finished and she's using schools wifi, that the moment she steps out from school to head home, she won't be having access to internet, etc WhatsApp and all of that, but importantly was to make use of GPS google map, that's what people over there use to navigate their way in order not to get lost, I was like without internet how do u intend to get to ur destination when u know how stressful it was for u getting lost the other day, now the same statement she made was, I will sort myself. I was raged and said woman I will ask my friend to buy u data so u can get home easy and safe, she said no proble, that she's leaving now, I said well since i wont be able to reach you on whats app, I will definitely call you on normal call shortly to give you the data pin to load. She said no P and hung up.

Moments later, my friend had sent me the data pin, na so I begin dey call wifey oo, over 15 missed calls she nor pick. Later she called back and said her phone was in her laptop bag and her hands were frozen so she couldnt put hands in the bag to pick the call and that she didn't even hear it ring.

The issue I posted up there are issues of not being accountable, and attitude of not showing that you don't need me when its not just about that but for security and your well being knowing fully well you are new in the country and proper guidelines needs to be taken.

Another incident happened 3rd week after her arrival, we were video chatting while she was on a train station waiting for train, next thing I noticed was a guy sitting BEHIND her, the guy boldly took a peep into her phone directly, seemingly trying to see who she was on video call with, immediately i called her attention to it, she just smiled and looked back and said silently, nawa some people for this London nor go mind their business. This very day developed a story that transitioned towards few things I will be stating.

The next sunday, I called her in the morin to say hi and all that, next thing I know she dun dey go church, she nor even discuss am with me and na wetin we dn agree on sey we fo jointly choose church wey we go dey go. After church service, she call me sey that guy wey i talk sey dey peep into her phone, sey the guy that very day asked her how long shes been there for, she said, just 3 weeks, sey how come she come take know road when him don dey 3months he nver know road, sey that same guy him coincidentally meet am for the new church wey she come so, sey the guy dey look am, she comot eye, but later the guy come meet am sey are u not the one that showed me way to where I was going. Sey as him meet the guy coincidentally for church, he fit be sey he get why, maybe for job connection or what not. I nor say anything, cos coincidences arent something new in this world. Then the next day, she call me sey that same guy needs an apartment, sey na married guy with 4 kids, but him wife and 1kid dey here, 3 dey nija them nor fit come yet until house is ready, sey him dey ask her if she can help him get someone that can reference for him to get a house, ha him my wife come dey ginger me sey make i help am talk to my friend wey help us reference if him go fit help the guy too. I come sey no problem, she sey she go call the guy now and put us on 3 way call, i sey no p, i come dey wait for call, no call come and madam nor talk again, i come ring her sey hafa u nor do the three way call again? She sey the guy dey work, him nor fit talk,sey she don give the guy my number to call me later, me come sey no p, send him number I go save am down so if he calls i go know sey na him, madam nor gree send number, I come dey wonder sey wetin dey sup sef, normally I nor spose reason ahead, but me my instict dey very strong, i come begin dey put two and two together sey maybe the guy intention was never to get help but to use style dey hit on my madam maybe na why him nor wan talk to me but wan use my madam dey take communicate.

I come ask madam some some questions on previous ish, I come find out sey small lie dey, so I tackler her sey the way she take explain to me about how him meet the guy for train station nor join, she come vex sey me i come am liar, omo as we dey talk for whatsapp, i nor blv sey my madam added this guy to the call without my consent or my knowledge, so as I dey talk, the guy dey the background, i nor even know anything and the dude himself kept quiet, na after the call finish, I see am for call details sey the guy was added to the call, infact the dude even called me directky i nor pick. Now i got very angry, come call madam sey wetin dey sup, u added this dude wey talk sey him dey work him nor fit talk to the call wey me and u dey on and u didnt even notify me, ok lets agree sey if to sey u wan tell me sey u wan add the guy for call sey i nor go gree sey maybe na why u add am without my consent, at least after u add am secretly, u are suppose to talk and sey bae, since u are accusing me wrongly.

I have added the guy to this call so he can clear me out, but she didnt, she just added the guy and the dude himself kept quiet and didnt say a word until I hung up. I got very furious and told her this is the highest level of see finish and dragging in the mud, wetin u want that guy to dey feel like now? She said shes sorry that she only wanted to clear herself, I was now like even if u wanted to clear urself, if that the best way to go about it, the person who is the subject matter is the best person u need to introduce to clear u out? Later on i just bone the matter come apologise sey make we move on, na so she come begin dey yarn plenty, sey she call the guy that my hubby said that the way we met is unreal, sey the guy sef come talk sey wow, so your husband already thinks am sleeping with you, but i cant blame u though, u know u have a big back side, so thoughts like that from him is likely not a surprise, i was hmmmm to hear that, i come tell madam sey if na true this guy talk this thing, shouldnt u already know he has corny itentions, she said well she too dey wonder cos the two times wey them meet she nor wear wetin fit show her bkside so how d guy come take know. The matter end there, next day madam still dey worry me sey shey I go still help d guy, I was like I cant even talk to him, u dun useless me already for him presence, she dey claim sey she nor do anything wrong by adding him to the call, sey the guy know of agency wey fit help me get better job if i arrive, and sey the guy talk sey if me fit connect am to my friend to reference am for house, him go link me up fr the agency. I talk sey i nor dey interested. Omo I weak. Guys I need advise on how to handle issues over there, cos me nor dey take nonsense for nija here, but for there, one needs to chill, but then should it now be sey because we dey live for country wey give woman power, make woman come use that opportunity come dey fumble?

..Oga sorry to say your wife is cheating. Am sure they are sleeping together already besides women have a way of reporting themselves subtly but all you have to do is listen and never show suspicion. I once had a fiance in UK who gave me same excuse of not picking my call because weather is cold unknown to me she was living with a guy. She eventually got pregnant for the guy while I equally married someone else. The guy may have her for some time and get rid of her then you can have her full concentration back. In the case of my fiance she got pregnant married the guy with a protruding belly but the guy divorced her after 6 months of marriage. Am still happily married till date

monfizzy:
It’s not 3weeks. She has been talking to him long before she moved to the U.K. and her main reason is likely for kpali. If for kpali the guy will soon dump her after having his fill.

Do you ppl read at all?

How can someone that has been in the UK for 3 months have papers
already?

kbower:
I cant stay here, we have sold almost everything, visa is running, accommodation already secured. But I know sey God dey sha.

Chief, as a Nigerian in the UK forget say na you be dependant, you can turn everything around only if you can stay focused. Immediately you get in, try getting a care job that sponsors... you automatically become the main applicant while she becomes the dependant. And if she mess up while on your dependant visa you can get her off your visa and na naija straight for her.... if you can code or into those top it stuffs you will easily get sponsorship job with good pay also. The main thing is once you get there just stay focused on your goal, dont get distracted and abeg no fight her.

STEWpid:
Chai

Mr. Kbower,

Summary;

1. Deep down, you should know the kind of woman you married for 11 years. Her attitude shouldn't be new to you. By now, you should be able to say what she can do either you're present or not. Except you're a simp!

2. Most men cannot organize their home in such a way that it brings peace and understanding. Some men are so rude that their wife might have lost real interest 9 years ago.

3. I cannot tell my husband that I'm with a man who is lusting after me and says my azz is big; dem no born me well. Nevertheless, you should know that women go through a lot of temptation from your fellow men. Been a married woman doesn't stop your fellow men from toasting us.

4. Your both life in marriage here will determine whether it will stand over there or become even worse.

5. I have seen women do shiitss. Therefore, anything can happen especially in this case where most Africans have the mentality that been abroad puts them beyond been an African.

6. Finally, all signals have been there for ELEVEN YEARS, may be you chose to ignore or not yet enlightened enough to know their meaning on time.

Marriage in this era is changing and challenging. But I pray that you find peace and understanding between you and your wife.

Amin.

imagine. Your number 3 tells me she has lost it. A man is bold to be referring to your big azz and you are bold enough to tell your husband and still asking your husband to provide reference for him.

I have a personal experience with this type of woman.
She is always bold to chat with me in the presence of her hubby but I will always end the conversation. We r both married n av done shit togeda once.
Most married women feel safe doing it with a married man.
She told u he is married so u can feel relax, but she actually did that to dciv u.

Jacob had 12 Sons, 8 from two wives(Leah and Rachel) and 2 each from the housemaids of Leah and Rachel...and he was in favour with God...I am not telling men in this group anything, I was just reading old testament.

vickydevoka:
Sex shouldn’t be included just say pikin

pikin shouldn't be included, you can get it from a baby mama

timojerry:
Lol there's nothing my wife has not told me becaue I am her dependent. I'll call police for you, ill report you, ill eveict you from the house. House wey I dey pay for o. So brother, this my message is not yo scare you but to let you know that if your tolerance level was 100% on Nigeria, when you are here uou would have to increase it to 1000%. You'll have to that patience that even the fool will think you're are fool. UK is good. You'll work and be able to do things. Gas and electricity is very expensive. My hill just came for the year. £1444 for gas and £1204 for electricity. Rent and other bills like Internet and water still dey there. You'll have to rent a flat because you can't stay in a room with your kids. It's well. I'll advice you learn to ignore. Me coming yo naira land at this time of the night is becaiee the house has just been on fire with only one person shouting and the other party which is me being quiet. I have been threatened by her that by day break sh go call police for me make I commot for the house. I'm waiting for the day to break.

Lastly in all that you do when uou decide to eventually come here, do not and I repeat no matter what she does, say, or do, do not touch her. Just don't say a word. If she like make she hit you, do not touch her.

Blessings.

God.. i imagine you are passing through a lot in a house you are paying for, yet there is nothing you can do about your situation than to tolerate your overbearing wife. May God help you.

MARRIAGE IS FOR BETTER...FOR WORSE...

LIVE WITH IT

What if she cheats and leaves no traces and never confess to it... Bros you can’t monitor a woman. The best I feel a man can do is not to allow his emotion overwhelms him cos it could lead to drastic consequences or regrets. It’s not easy though but at the end of it all, it’s worth it cos no one lives forever n life will still continue.

OkoAmarashy:
You no even sabi women at all
She knows she has been caught and she is trying to deflect suspicions.

What works for A might not work for B.. you don’t judge like that ok, this case is different they’re happily married with kids. I wonder why this man will even bring his personal issues on social media, he’s endangering himself, emotions and mental health. He will just use his own hands to destroy his home. So pathetic!

skj1377:
..Oga sorry to say your wife is cheating. Am sure they are sleeping together already besides women have a way of reporting themselves subtly but all you have to do is listen and never show suspicion. I once had a fiance in UK who gave me same excuse of not picking my call because weather is cold unknown to me she was living with a guy. She eventually got pregnant for the guy while I equally married someone else. The guy may have her for some time and get rid of her then you can have her full concentration back. In the case of my fiance she got pregnant married the guy with a protruding belly but the guy divorced her after 6 months of marriage. Am still happily married till date

Dshocker:
Say bye bye to your wife, the truth be say, you will never step foot there.

Just forget it, your wife is gone.

Haba now ! It hasn’t gotten to that level.The shocking thing in this story is that twice in such a short time , this man’s wife disrespected or at least , attempted to disrespect him.Firstly, she was planning to ask a man she just met at her School for money which is disrespectful to her husband and secondly, added the Mr Mike to a call without first informing her husband.She even went further to tell her husband that the Mr Mike said she has a big ass.This is super disrespectful.

Oga , free her for now.Don’t call or over call too much.How can you call someone 15 times? Haba now! Where is your self esteem? The moment you called her 3 times and she didn’t pick up , you shouldn’t call or chat up again until she calls to apologize and give very good reasons why she couldn’t pick.Pls limit the calls and correspondence you initiate , make sure the flow of communication is balanced.And then , watch her interactions with the Mr Mike or other men.If she continues to disrespect you , ask for separation so you can move on with your life.Imgaine being married and having to come to Nairaland to send this kind of messages! Your wife must honour you as a man.Please do not accept anything less.

Yusufisraelj:
@kbower

Sincerely this guy I quoted is right. You try to micro manage and control everything, let me tell you your wife is feeling suffocated, hence the half truths you're getting and the inconsideration's, I don't advocate that anyways.

I won't tell you how to run your home, but this I have to say, loosen up on trying to micromanage her every move, let her ask, and if you offer a solution that she down plays, leave her to it, down the line demand for ways she sorted out that issue. The best way to get your wife is to give her space and if she have any respect and fidelity for you in mind, she go day give you 30 missed call just to tell you how her day went and all that happens in it.

Let me tell you, if you set your altar right (a dependable relationship you have with God, where he gives you strategies, insight and answers) you will worry less, you're giving yourself BP for nothing. The Best way to keep certain treasured items, is to be willing to lose them, this is where ultimate power lies. The power to lay things down before God and let Him help you, you can't be too sure with your strength.

Don't listen to kids telling you that your wife is this and that and that you will lose her in UK, all those are childish and rubbish talk, you're overbearing on her hence her responses, let her be and she'll come running, if she has you in mind.

U are just creating excuse for her.... .u sound like one of those men that overcompromose and blame themselves for every bad behavior from a woman.....its called being a foól or simp

while patience is needed here..blaming the man is wrong....his behaviour with his wife is not uncalled for....she's alone in another man's country runningnit challenges.... his worries is totally valid, trying to make things easy for her is normal....
.....if he doesnt show concern every step ...its the same woman that will come and complain of neglecting her and not showing her love.....

His wife added a stranger to their whatsapp chat? collecting money from him from.this so called stranger she just met....yet u are blaming the man......u are the small boy here worshipping the asś of a woman

chinchum:
imagine. Your number 3 tells me she has lost it. A man is bold to be referring to your big azz and you are bold enough to tell your husband and still asking your husband to provide reference for him.

That was so disrespectful of the woman tbh.

Cullinane:
You dey mind am? Na simp most of these small girls of nowadays dey find. My father is the head of his household and my mother submits to him. Growing up he always worked hard, provided for the house, sent his kids to the best schools, food always dey. We lived in big homes. [/b]My mum will tell you today that after 40 years of marriage, she is still enjoying her marriage and she is happy. They have relocated permanently to the US and I [b]have not heard from my Dad that my Mum is misbehaving there. Nowadays these [b]small girls will tell you that the marriage is a partnership [/b]and they will never submit to their husband. As if that is how God defined a marriage to be. A lot of these small small Instagram girls of today lack wisdom and the married ones don't know how to manage their homes. It is better for a 9ja man to be single than to marry perpetual headache.

Points to note

Your dad was/is a provider, he was/is truly the head in title, actions and in deeds. I respect him for that it's not easy, even if your mum worked feeding, school fess, accommodation 3 major things you mentioned here were not her headache how many women can say such today? How many women have these 3 alone settled by their husband's. You know the answer.

Your mum said she never suffered in her marriage so why will your mum misbehave it would be wickedness to be bad to someone who had fulfilled his role as a husband. It's very easy to submit to a man who treats you right as God ordained it.
9 out of 10 times women who misbehave when they have small opportunity are those who have been treated wrongly by their husband's in the past.

It is boys of nowadays who want partnership read all over Nairaland, they can't even provide for their family they also want a lady to provide equally, birth children, nurture them and do all sorts, without relinquishing their leadership role, women are naturally not built for both roles if they do both slowly resistance and resentment will begin to build, then slowly it manifests, even in very religious women.
The economy too doesn't help matters these days so who do we blame? I also don't have an answer.


See ehn until we all go back to the basics as God ordained it marriages might continue to fail.