₦airaland Forum

Oracleee:
Life isn't fair to men. My fiancee is the first and she told me point blank when we met that she's the first and if we settle she still need to help her other siblings pull through. Entitlement mentality has nothing to do with family like have been saying. We are bound to help each other.

Until she puts her siblings before you and the future children you may have.

because you men are good at that

Kobojunkiee:
That depends! My guess is OP may be taking advantage thinking she is entitled to.

She said she only moved back on the 10th and hasn't paid rent yet but intends to.

1Sharon:
She said she only moved back on the 10th and hasn't paid rent yet but intends to.

Oh, OK!

Merry Christmas!

Kdsml:
Merry xmas every1. Hope you all are having a great night. I nid advice pls

I am married with a kid, my husband traveled out of the country for a greener pasture, I moved out of our rented house and relocated back to my mom's place.

We had sold our properties for 300k he told me he doesn't know how long it will take him to get a job in the new country and I should use the 300k to start up a business so i will be able to take care of our daughter until he will be stable in the new country.

I have decided to start selling foodstuffs in the front of the house and i will use the remaining money for my daughter school fees in January.

My mom asked me to borrow her 120k to pay for my brother school fee and i refused explaining to her why i can't give her the money and she has been giving attitudes and refused to speak to me, i went to the market today i bought xmas clothes for my daughter and a wrapper for my mom she rejected it.

I know she is doing all this for me to give her the money but i will not give it to her no matter what. I don't understand why she is angry when she knows that my husband is not around i should use the money wisely because if i am broke i have no one else to help me.

Am i wrong for refusing to help her?

Madam u did the right thing

If by now you don't fully understand your mom, you have a problem, you must tread carefully when dealing with your mom, your mom is as important as your child, ability to strike a balance is key. Remain in the house and let's hope time will put things into place.

Kobojunkiee:
Oh, OK!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas Kobojunkie the trouble maker

Kdsml:
Merry xmas every1. Hope you all are having a great night. I nid advice pls

I am married with a kid, my husband traveled out of the country for a greener pasture, I moved out of our rented house and relocated back to my mom's place.

We had sold our properties for 300k he told me he doesn't know how long it will take him to get a job in the new country and I should use the 300k to start up a business so i will be able to take care of our daughter until he will be stable in the new country.

I have decided to start selling foodstuffs in the front of the house and i will use the remaining money for my daughter school fees in January.

My mom asked me to borrow her 120k to pay for my brother school fee and i refused explaining to her why i can't give her the money and she has been giving attitudes and refused to speak to me, i went to the market today i bought xmas clothes for my daughter and a wrapper for my mom she rejected it.

I know she is doing all this for me to give her the money but i will not give it to her no matter what. I don't understand why she is angry when she knows that my husband is not around i should use the money wisely because if i am broke i have no one else to help me.

Am i wrong for refusing to help her?

Borrow her half of what she asked or what you can afford to lose incase she is unable to repay it.

I will be BLUNT and REAL on this as it involves an INNOCENT CHILD! just IGNORE all your MOTHER's attitude and stay GLUED to your HUBBY's INTRUCTION's. ask your MUM if she will stand by you in times of ANGUISH and TRIALS should anything goes wrong? NOBODY reaps during SEED SOWING until it grows to become a TREE that produces FRUITS. the MONEY is still a SEED.

Kdsml:
Merry xmas every1. Hope you all are having a great night. I nid advice pls

I am married with a kid, my husband traveled out of the country for a greener pasture, I moved out of our rented house and relocated back to my mom's place.

We had sold our properties for 300k he told me he doesn't know how long it will take him to get a job in the new country and I should use the 300k to start up a business so i will be able to take care of our daughter until he will be stable in the new country.

I have decided to start selling foodstuffs in the front of the house and i will use the remaining money for my daughter school fees in January.

My mom asked me to borrow her 120k to pay for my brother school fee and i refused explaining to her why i can't give her the money and she has been giving attitudes and refused to speak to me, i went to the market today i bought xmas clothes for my daughter and a wrapper for my mom she rejected it.

I know she is doing all this for me to give her the money but i will not give it to her no matter what. I don't understand why she is angry when she knows that my husband is not around i should use the money wisely because if i am broke i have no one else to help me.

Am i wrong for refusing to help her?

I will advise you to go and get an apartment because she will still ask for more even if you give her this. As long you are under her roof and your husband is in obodo oyinbo, you go dey bring o

Is she a single mother? What of ur dad?

Oracleee:
Already told her. Let's hope 18 years from now her daughter won't be here to rant about her rich uncle who is useless to her. My sis also made me cry because of 300k. I needed 1.3 to sort some stuffs then, and I had 1m. This same sister of mine I paid for during masters even out of the little but I put family first. Her turn came she was complaining that her hubby wanted changing her car and they need money for some project. I even asked her to lend me not give. Mehnn I cried like real hot tears. Say in my car for like an hour crying just parked somewhere. At the end, a total stranger I once did business with was who helped out. Am doing great now but mehn I always rememeber like yesterday.

These are actions that we can forgive but can’t forget. My sister used her money to travel to Dubai instead of assisting me. Asin she didn’t even encourage me or comment on my travel plans. Like I created a WhatsApp group for us and shared my idea but they didn’t even comment. Instead, they went discussing how bad the idea was in my absence. 3 months after getting to Dubai, she went back to Nigeria with NOTHING!! This is same person I’ve been helping her business and even planning on bringing her over.
The worst thing a person would do is to undermine someone’s tomorrow for your today’s pleasure. I’ve learnt this a long time ago and have benefited from assisting others.
She should keep following this generation-Z’s e-warriors.

seanwilliam:
Kdsml
Before you married, what were you doing?
Why must you rely 100% on what your husband owned ? That’s topic for another day sha,


Your daughter should be your priority, but you should also note that helping and sacrificing for your brother is not bad too. I know you’re in a dilemma , but sooner or later, you’ll find yourself at your brother’s mercy and trust me , men usually don’t forget good deeds.




You’re living with them, I know that no matter how little, you’re contributing to the house need, but in this case, you’ve made a mistake for letting her to know you have money , and trust me, if you don’t give her that money ,

1. She will hate you deeply
2. It will create enmity between you and your brother .
3. If things go south for you God forbid, they will do the same to you .
4. At some point in life, your daughter might need your brother’s help and he won’t do it too.
5. The situation can make your brother hate your daughter so much and trust me ehn, you won’t want that .

Although they’re not entitled to your money o, but at some point , I’m sure your brother and mother have made sacrifice for you too and if they’ve not , in the nearest future they will ..
Nairalanders will not be there when you’re having problems with your family . Some advice Dey sweet for mouth , but in reality, e go cause problem .



If I were you
I will split the money into 3.

I’ll give my brother like 80k
I’ll pay my daughter school fee.
I will set up business with whatever is left.




God go open road for your hubby , all these will become story .
My advice to you ,
Don’t ever disclose your financial information to anyone again.
When your business starts booming, pack out.








I have an uncle , some years ago he had money , he lost his business and had misunderstanding with his wife, she packed out with the kids ,
Weeks ago, he had hernia surgery, only his mom, father and brother were with him. They couldn’t leave him cos of family bond .

So sometimes , our priorities might not be there for us during tribulations.

so you think she has not help her mother or brother before?

No matter what you have done to people, any day dey ask something from you and you dsid you don't have, they turn you to enmity forgotten the good times you have shared with them

Lekan239:
so you think she has not help her mother or brother before?

No matter what you have done to people, any day dey ask something from you and you dsid you don't have, they turn you to enmity forgotten the good times you have shared with them

well, they are family to her. At the end, family is everything no matter the perspective you look at it.

Kobojunkiee:
Oh, OK!

Merry Christmas!

You like trouble sha

Merry Christmas

1Sharon:
Merry Christmas Kobojunkie the trouble maker

Nah! I simply like to keep the pot stirring!

Weirdcamila:
Don’t worry , in 5 years time you will understand better.
Good luck

Nothing to understand there.. To each belong their cross, don't come here and be using the unknown future to be scaring or blackmailing..

If life comes at in next five years.. She's got her own mind to sort her own problem and not think like garri drinker like u

CakesToolsOvens:
You like trouble sha
Merry Christmas

Me and trouble are not related at all. I simply believe in keeping the pot stirring so we don't fall victims to even our own mental scams.

Merry Christmas!

Kdsml:
Merry xmas every1. Hope you all are having a great night. I nid advice pls

I am married with a kid, my husband traveled out of the country for a greener pasture, I moved out of our rented house and relocated back to my mom's place.

We had sold our properties for 300k he told me he doesn't know how long it will take him to get a job in the new country and I should use the 300k to start up a business so i will be able to take care of our daughter until he will be stable in the new country.

I have decided to start selling foodstuffs in the front of the house and i will use the remaining money for my daughter school fees in January.

My mom asked me to borrow her 120k to pay for my brother school fee and i refused explaining to her why i can't give her the money and she has been giving attitudes and refused to speak to me, i went to the market today i bought xmas clothes for my daughter and a wrapper for my mom she rejected it.

I know she is doing all this for me to give her the money but i will not give it to her no matter what. I don't understand why she is angry when she knows that my husband is not around i should use the money wisely because if i am broke i have no one else to help me.

Am i wrong for refusing to help her?

If you borrow her the money.

Just so pe "otilor" to the money.

A leech trying not to get leeched.

Wow, Life is wonderful.

Your mum is catering for you and your daughter whom your husband left to hustle for a better life, now she asks you for 120k out of 300k and you refused to offer some help.

That's selfishness, 300k is not even enough money for a man to leave for his wife and travel, anyways, I am sure if your mum billed you for the resources she has spent on you for the time you have stayed in her house since you came back with your family, 120k nor go solve am.

Be grateful enough to offer some help atleast 60k or 90k so that you don't gather family enemies, I don't understand how some of get so selfish.

Nawa.

Just so you know, the moment you get married as a woman you become a visitor to your parents house, so don't expect full benefits anymore.

People should be careful how they use words like ' I am only responsible for my kids'....or ' I love only my kids'....or ' my kids first'.

If family open eye like you open, hope u know u and child may become destitutes.... Even if u will not give for now, don't loud it.... A 24 year old or 34 yr old or 54 yr old is a human and can need help at anytime including u that is supposedly married and should be the responsibility of your husband including the house u will rent to live in with child.

Family is always family especially for women, don't allow marriage cut u off from family as they may be the ones to help u when others fail u.

cana882:
These are actions that we can forgive but can’t forget. My sister used her money to travel to Dubai instead of assisting me. Asin she didn’t even encourage me or comment on my travel plans. Like I created a WhatsApp group for us and shared my idea but they didn’t even comment. Instead, they went discussing how bad the idea was in my absence. 3 months after getting to Dubai, she went back to Nigeria with NOTHING!! This is same person I’ve been helping her business and even planning on bringing her over.
The worst thing a person would do is to undermine someone’s tomorrow for your today’s pleasure. I’ve learnt this a long time ago and have benefited from assisting others.
She should keep following this generation-Z’s e-warriors.

That's the word,. Forgive not forget

sharone21:
People should be careful how they use words like ' I am only responsible for my kids'....or ' I love only my kids'....or ' my kids first'.

If family open eye like you open, hope u know u and child may become destitutes.... Even if u will not give for now, don't loud it.... A 24 year old or 34 yr old or 54 yr old is a human and can need help at anytime including u that is supposedly married and should be the responsibility of your husband including the house u will rent to live in with child.

Family is always family especially for women, don't allow marriage cut u off from family as they may be the ones to help u when others fail u.

Excellent point

The reason you shouldn't be spilling all your beans, no matter how close you are to someone. If you didn't tell her the whole amount, it wouldn't have resulted in the giving of attitude. If you have a way, get an alternative accommodation. I expect her to even advise you on how to manage the money meaningfully, so that you don't become a liability to anyone, but surprisingly, the reverse is the case.

quote author=Kdsml post=119409081]


Pls I only have one responsibility which is my daughter ,my brother is not my responsible he is 24 old enough to hustle like his fellow mates[/quote]

Kdsml:
I am not paying rent but i have contribute with foods what about the 24 years old lazy man who is not contributing on anything he want to rely on our mother and siblings , if his two younger sisters 22 and 19 are out there working like everyone else and why can't him do the same when he is not disable ?

This is another important conversation which is the infantilisation of male children and the adultification of females in African families

They will spoil and spoil the boy and when you ask the guy to do something that befits his status as an adult male and a responsible member of the family, he will refuse and even begin to raise his voice towards you. And the parents will support his laziness.

I don’t necessarily agree with letting him flounder without his school fees but your comment touched me because I have seen this family dynamic before.

They won’t teach the guy his responsibilities and then when he grows up he becomes everybody else’s problem…

Try to drop a token sum so your mother can get off your case. Then try to move away from there to stop the overfamiliarity because if it’s the way you’ve described it here, your mother will keep defending your brother leeching off you and it will lead to something bigger in the future especially once your husbands gets wind of it.

Your mother is wicked n she will run u down..
Plz start frying of Amara.. yam..potato business..
U will never lack

Weirdcamila:
Well
180k can set up something for you (food stuff market while you pay your brothers school fees)
Your brother is your responsibility too.

the brother is her responsibility too ONLY when she can afford it. for now,she can't.

Raalsalghul:
Have like two kids they can conveniently take care of?

Mbanu! It's hard for them.

Rather they'll go about littering with offspring that might later become nuisance for the society.

That is the reason I am very wary of girls wey get plenty siblings. Once e pass two, I dey very careful. No matter how homely, wife-able or beautiful the lady is, I won't do anything with her. I cannot be responsible for someone's irresponsibility.

I'm tempted to call a lot of Nigerians stupid.

Very senseless folks breeding like idiots.

I hope say you be multi millionaire sha because if not you go hear am.

The average Nigerian is innately foolish and stoopid! It is genetic at this point. They are so uneducated, poor, proud, loud and very very stoopid. Add religion, archaic and illogical cultural practices and the reasoning process is something else. One might blame the public education system, but it is the same system I went through.

Oracleee:
Most of the folks here are telling you not to mind your mum. Watch how you create if not an everlasting enemity between yourself and your brother. Even your mum won't be able to bridge the gap. Family is everything. Your brother might be desperate for the money. If you are to get an house rent won't you path with close to the amount and this is your blood brother we are talking about here. My sister once choosed her husband before me years ago and till today I still carry the grudge. Don't create an enemity, cut your budget cost for the business and help your brother even if not everything. Las Las that your hubby might loose guard you,. The 300k might finish or get stolen but the people you have are everything.

You're the one who's not a good person for holding grudges against your sister.

What did she do to you?

Her husband is her head.. her own family comes first.

culf:
No plan on ground to pay the fee before? Try explaining things to her to see reasons with you. please no plenty argument so She don't make the place uncomfortable for you and your baby.
120 is too much, would have asked you to maybe lend her part but was the possibility of paying back.

don't lend her a penny.

Your brother should go get a job and help out with his fees.

300k no be money ooo. Before u know it, e don disappear. Pls be careful

Ehya!
Your mom gave out at age 9. I don't think loves you o. Find way leave that house as soon as possible.

Weirdcamila:
Don’t worry , in 5 years time you will understand better.
Good luck

She will have to be paused for 5 years because...

Abeg shift!

Why are mothers behaving this way?

You younger brother is old enough to take of himself so given him money for school will make him more lazy.

Since you and your husband are still struggling for now, don't give anyone shi, if she doesn't want to stand by you no, no wahala but one day you guys will recover.

Your responsibility now is your daughter not a grown-up boy

Don't listen to any nonsense advice of given 120k out 300k for your up keeping